Coronation Street Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

-'Why does this boy look so shifty?

-LAUGHTER

'What's this woman embarrassed about?

LAUGHTER

'What's this man secretly wearing?

LAUGHTER

'Welcome to the show where no-one is safe.

'It is Sam And Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up!'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'Welcome to the show that's winding up the world.

'From Studio Two in Salford, it's Big Friday Wind-Up.'

My name is Zara, and I'm dressed as a carrot.

Here are your hosts.

'From a planet not too far away called Earth, it is

'a man with special powers. It's Sam, the super-host.

'And also from that same planet Earth,

'a man with similar powers -

'it's Mark, the other super-host.'

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ah, much better, much better. BOTH: Welcome to the weekend!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Woohoo! We have got a special show in store for you tonight,

as we have some surprise celebrities.

-Ooooh! AUDIENCE:

-Ooooh!

-We have.

We will be having buckets of fun, amongst other things,

-in Mark Versus.

-Brilliant.

Find out how we fared in Southport with a game of In Yer House.

-Hold out your hand. Hold out the biscuit.

-Here we go.

MARK LAUGHS

APPLAUSE

-Oooh! It is a good one.

-It is a good one.

But before all that, remember, on this show no-one is safe -

not even him.

LAUGHTER

Now, Mark, I want to know, are you a fan of Corrie?

Oh, I love curry, me. Korma, bhuna, rogan josh.

Add some mango chutney on the side, mate, and I am putty in your hand.

No, mate, no, mate. Corrie. As in Coronation Street.

-Oh, I love that, too.

-Excellent.

Well, our next Wind-upees are big Corrie fans as well.

Oh, do they like onion bhajis and poppadoms on the side?

Coronation Street fans, Mark! Coronation Street fans.

You could have said that to me to avoid confusion.

I could have done a lot of things, Mark.

I could have done a lot of things.

'It is Saturday night with Sam...'

'Number one, Sam Nixon...'

Anyway. Our next Wind-upees

are twins Abbie and Jodie from Stockport.

Hiya, girls. All right?

APPLAUSE

Here we go, Abbie, here we go.

-How are you, guys, are you enjoying the show so far?

-Good.

MARK LAUGHS

-You look a bit scared.

-You do indeed.

Now, Abbie and Jodie, tell us,

-how often do you guys watch Coronation Street?

-A lot.

-A lot?

All the time?

-What are your favourite characters in Coronation Street?

-Sally Webster.

-Sally Webster.

-I like Nasty Nick.

-He's EastEnders, Mark.

-All right, OK.

-What about yourself?

-Gail.

-Gail!

-Gail!

Gail and Sally, you're going old-school.

-Do you think they will marry Phil Mitchell?

-No, that's EastEnders.

Oh, is it? Right, sorry, sorry.

Since you are such big fans of Coronation Street,

we thought we would give you the chance to win a fantastic,

and I mean fantastic, Corrie prize.

Come on down as we play Coronation Eat. Come on, girls.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: Coronation Street Theme Tune

Welcome to the game that tests how good a hotpot shot you are.

In front of us are life-size replicas of Coronation Street's

Fiz and Brendan, and let me tell you, they are hungry.

I'm hungry.

Oh, I'm so hungry for hotpot.

They are indeed, so what better dish to feed them

than Betty's famous hotpot?

Abbie and Jodie, you will have 30 seconds

to feed as many hotpots to Fiz and Brendan as you can.

Get five hotpots into their mouths and you win a very,

-very special prize. How does that sound?

-Good.

-Excellent.

They are playing it cool, but I think they are thinking,

-"Yeah, come on!"

-MARK LAUGHS

The best of luck. Your time starts now.

-Come on.

-Here we go.

I'm very hungry.

-Come on.

-Smashed it!

She's smashed it.

I love hotpot.

Get to the line. Get to the line.

-They are crazy.

-Where's the hotpot!

Jen's hungry. Yeah!

APPLAUSE

You can do it, you can do it.

Inside, inside.

APPLAUSE

Come on, come on, come on.

-Give me more hotpot.

-Come on. Yeah!

APPLAUSE

KLAXON

GROANS

-One more.

-OK, time is up.

It is time to find out how many hotpots you managed to feed

-Fiz and Brendan.

-Poor old Fiz's eyeball there.

-Fizz is not looking well, bless her.

-All right,

we are going to find out how many pies you got into their mouths.

-Let's try Ted first.

-Bleurgh!

-Oh, one.

-Bleurgh!

-Two.

-OK, let's try Fiz.

-Bleurgh!

-Three.

-Three!

-Oh!

-Oh!

Sorry, girls, you didn't quite get up to the number five,

which we wanted.

But, even though you don't win the star prize,

we have got a little bit of a surprise for you.

Because please welcome the real Fiz and the real Brendan,

it's Ted Robbins and Jennie McAlpine from Coronation Street!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How are you? How are you?

How are you, ladies?

It's not real. I thought everyone would be able to have a nice hotpot

-in the audience - it's not real.

-I thought so as well.

-It's not real!

-Don't give the illusion away.

-It's harder than it looks. It's impossible.

-Do you know what?

If you can get a fifth in, Ted, we'll give them the prize.

-Oh!

-Here we go, here we go.

-Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on, Ted. Come on.

Come on, Ted.

GROANS

Have another go. Keep going.

Keep going, one more.

MARK LAUGHS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MARK LAUGHS

Fantastic. That means you have won today's star prize.

Who saw that coming, who saw that coming?

-Jennie, Ted, do you want to tell them?

-So you like Coronation Street?

I overheard that your favourite characters were Sally and Gail,

not Fiz and Brendan. Yeah, Brendan and Fiz.

Don't worry about it. How do you fancy coming

and having a look around our set with a VIP tour of the studio?

Yes.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Meet the cast, watch some filming.

You can go in the Kabin, you can go in the Kabin,

-meet Norris and Rita.

-And Mary.

And go down Coronation Street, but you can't go in the Rovers

-because you're not 18.

-LAUGHTER

-How does that sound, girls?

-Good.

-What's it like to meet Jennie and Ted?

-Amazing.

-Fantastic.

Thank you ever so much for being fantastic sports.

Ladies and gentleman, give it up for Abbie, Jodie, Jennie and Ted!

Take your hotpots. Take your hotpots.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, I'm Ed Petrie.

And whenever I'm all over the place, I still try and watch

Sam And Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

Well, I try to try.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'Ladies and gentlemen, tonight on the Wind-up Wheel,

'Jennie McAlpine!'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Jennie, I'm not going to lie, you look a little nervous.

-Are you all right?

-It doesn't go fast, does it, boys?

-Not at all.

Where's the sick bag?

THEY LAUGH

OK. It's the Wind-Up Wheel.

We've essentially reinvented the wheel.

Yes, but this time we've stuck Jennie McAlpine on it.

-Eat your heart out, Thomas Edison, whoever he is.

-Yes.

Anyway, here's how it works. We will be giving Jennie a hefty spin.

If she lands on "truth", we'll ask her a relevant,

or most likely irrelevant, question about her showbiz life.

If she lands on "wind-up", we'll give her a forfeit,

-and it could be literally anything.

-How does that sound, Jennie?

-Yeah, it sounds really good.

-LAUGHTER

-You look really nervous.

-It sounds like a right laugh.

She's a good actress. OK, let us begin.

-And...

-ALL:

-..wind up that wheel.

-Here we go.

-Woo!

-Oh.

-Woo!

And stop!

Where are we, where are we? Truth.

Oh. Jennie, choose a number between one and ten, please.

Give me a number.

THEY SHOUT NUMBERS

-Four!

-Four! Four!

-Oooh.

-Ho-ho, it's a tough one.

SHE LAUGHS

-To whom...?

-I think I said three, I think I did.

-No, no.

To whom did you last send a text, and what did it say?

Oh. It was to...

Tyrone - Alan, who plays Tyrone - to say, "Yes, please,

"I would like a cappuccino from the canteen."

-That's wrong.

-I'm afraid that's the wrong answer.

-Oh.

-It was Kirk.

-You were asking if he had got the sausages.

-Oh!

-Sorry about that.

-It was close, though. It was close.

-That is true.

He gets me a cappuccino from the canteen.

He texted me, "Do you want one?" I said, "Yes, please."

-He's a good 'un, isn't he?

-It's free, he doesn't pay for it.

LAUGHTER

-It's time to... ALL:

-..wind up the wheel!

-Whoa! Is this going faster?

-Oh...

And stop the wheel.

MARK LAUGHS

I don't know what is wrong with the wheel.

-I think it was a wind-up.

-MARK LAUGHS

Pick a number between one and ten, please.

AUDIENCE SHOUT NUMBERS

-Ten!

-Ten. All right.

MARK LAUGHS

-Oh, here we go. We need a prop for this one.

-What?

-Do as many kick-ups with a football...

-Oh, no, oh, no.

-..as you can.

-Do you want to stand down here, actually, Jennie?

Come and stand right here and do it here.

-Oh, bloomin'...

-Eat your heart out, football teams.

Oh, it is the right colour for Manchester United.

BOOING

What's up with that?!

Do what? What, kick it?

I don't know what that means.

-Are you kidding?

-One, two...

-Terrible.

-Go on, get back.

APPLAUSE

He's a good footballer. Can one of them not do it for me?

-No!

-Why not?!

-How many can do it?

Come on, then, lad. Come on.

-How many can you do? Five?

-What's your name?

-Rhys.

Round of applause for Rhys, everyone!

APPLAUSE

OK, Rhys. See how many you can do. You ready? Off you go!

One, two...

Sit down! Sit down, Rhys!

-Jennie!

-You've embarrassed yourself and your family, Rhys!

-Two!

-His had a lot more vigour.

That's it. Jennie, thank you very much for that.

-Can I stand up again?

-Yeah. How are you feeling after that?

How are you feeling?

She actually thinks she's sitting down right now.

I went dizzy!

You are more than deserving now of some R&R.

I think you should make your way over to the Wind-Down Zone.

-We'll see you later.

-Over there?

Over there, it's Jennie McAlpine, everyone!

APPLAUSE

-Oh, sorry, Jennie. Sorry.

-She really was sick.

Time now to meet some more of our friends, it's Zak and Billy

from Southport.

APPLAUSE

-How you doing?

-You enjoying the show?

-Yeah.

Fantastic.

Now, not so long ago we took our hidden cameras

to your house for a covert operation.

Your naughty parents were in on the whole thing, weren't you? You were!

Shall we take a look and see what happened

when we played a game of In Yer House?

-Are you ready for this, lads?

-Yeah.

Zak, could you please do the honours down camera number four?

Run VT!

You are entering the world of In Yer House,

an elite undercover taskforce charged with winding up the nation.

As an In Yer House agent, your objective is to go undercover

in viewers' homes and complete a series of highly skilled challenges.

Agent Nixon, you will be manning mission control.

Agent Rhodes, your accomplice is waiting for you at today's location.

You must both proceed there immediately,

and remember, don't get caught.

Listen carefully, gentlemen, I will say this only once.

This is today's target. His name is Zak. He's Agent Billy's friend.

This is the target's house.

Agent Rhodes, you will be hiding here, upstairs above the kitchen.

This is a song that I'm absolutely loving at the moment. Dance it out!

MUSIC: Tiger Feet by Mud

That's enough of that.

Agent Billy, it is your job to make sure that Zak doesn't detect

Agent Rhodes, can you do this?

-I can.

-Excellent.

Agent Rhodes, it's time for you to put your training into action.

-Training? I haven't done any training.

-Silence!

Agent Billy, you now need to make your way into the house

and wait for Zak to come home from school,

but before you do that, let's listen to that song again.

I love it. Dance it out! Stop! Go, go, go, go, go!

Good luck, mate.

He's got through. Zak is none the wiser, making his way upstairs.

Here he is!

Congratulations, Mark, you made it into position number one.

Zak is downstairs in the living room next to the kitchen.

Mission number one, Mark.

In front of you, you will see a lovely multicoloured...

That's the thing right there.

That, believe it or not, that's a little pop-up tent.

I want you to make a base camp, you need a base camp.

-You're on a mission.

-You're joking.

Mission number one, make sure you do it.

I love putting up a tent, me, love a bit of camping. Do you like camping?

Not really.

It's absolutely massive!

Nice! Get inside it! Get inside it, mate!

Just to make sure that you've completed mission one,

just go, "Ee, I love camping!

-You're so Yorkshire!

-Go on!

-Ooh, I love camping!

No, not "ooh", I said "ee"!

Mm, I love camping.

-Not "mm", "ee"!

-Mm, I love camping!

Why can't you say, "Ee, I love camping!"?

I think that's mission one complete, isn't it?

No, you've got to say "ee."

Ee, I love camping!

Well done, mission one complete. Nice work.

Right, get yourself out of the tent.

For mission two, I want you to go downstairs into the kitchen

and you will find a packet of biscuits on the kitchen counter.

Oh, no.

You need to locate the packet of biscuits

and then you need to give Billy, Zak's friend,

a biscuit without Zak knowing.

-How am I going to do that?

-This is the mission. Good luck, buddy.

-You're joking.

-He's currently in the living room -

if you go down to the kitchen he'll not see you at all.

Make sure you're quiet, though, because he is just next door.

There he is.

Keep ducking down, crawl into the kitchen, Mark.

Right, the packet of biscuits is on the kitchen counter.

Two days ago...

Zak has stood up, be careful.

Right, take out a biscuit.

Be quiet, I can hear the wrapper!

He's eating them!

Why do you get all the good ones? I never get to eat biscuits!

Right, Mark, Billy is aware that you're going to hand him a biscuit.

He's on the edge of the sofa right now, Mark,

so if you get to where the bin is...

That's it. Billy's on the end. You're going to have to duck down.

Crawl around the bin and hand the biscuit to Billy.

Hold out your hand, hold out the biscuit to Billy.

Here we go.

Nice work! That's brilliant!

Where has the biscuit come from?

Time for mission number three.

I want you to find two spoons

and I want you to get two eggs out of the fridge

and you need to put the eggs on the spoons

and you need to walk back upstairs to base camp, the tent.

Why are you looking in cupboards? Who puts spoons in cupboards?

That's it, that's it, two spoons.

Now go to the fridge and get two eggs.

Make sure you're quiet.

OK, you've got the two eggs, put them on the spoon

and you're doing the egg and spoon race back upstairs.

Don't drop the eggs on the carpet,

-because you'll be cleaning it up, mate.

-Oh, no.

Don't drop the eggs!

Hey, Mark, don't crack under the pressure.

This is no yolk!

-My head's scrambled.

-Nice!

Mission three complete, Zak is none the wiser, you can tell.

OK.

Right, mission four. Oh, you'll never guess what, Mark.

-What?

-I completely forgot about this.

-What?

-I'm going camping this weekend, I need the tent.

-What?

I need the tent.

-Put it back in its little packet and put it away.

-You're joking.

It's not easy to put away!

Be quiet!

What are you doing? I need the tent!

Make sure you get it back in its little holster as well.

-This is so difficult.

-It's easy, it's only putting a tent away.

Done it.

-Put it back up.

-What?

Doing my head in!

I'll let you off. Mission four complete. Well done.

Right, Mark, it is time for your fifth and final mission.

I don't know about you, mate, but I'm parched.

-I could do with a cup of tea.

-Oh, no.

I want you to go downstairs into the kitchen and make me

a cup of tea - milk, no sugar.

And by the way, Mark, you know Zak?

He does tae kwon do,

so if he catches you, he might kick your face off.

Get yourself over to the kettle.

I can't wait to see Zak's face when the kettle comes on

and everybody else is in the living room.

Lovely mug, right, find the teabags.

Kettle!

How has Zak not heard the kettle?

Get a teaspoon out of the spoon drawer.

How long's this kettle taking?

Pour the milk into the tea, stir it loudly.

Now tap it ten times.

One, two, three,

four, five, six,

-seven, eight...

-What's happening?

Ooh!

Keep going!

Nine.

Ten.

11.

12! 13!

14, he's coming! Hide, hide! Get down!

Oh, my! Who is that?

APPLAUSE

No way! Set up!

I'm Mark from Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up

and we have been playing In Yer House with you.

How are you doing, mate, are you all right?

Hello, mate! How are you doing, you all right?

Sam in the van giving me the challenges.

Mark has been hiding in your house ever since you got home from school.

-You know when Billy had a biscuit earlier on?

-Yeah.

Mark gave him that biscuit.

Did you not hear the kettle on?

No!

You all were in here and Mark put the kettle on

and he was making me a cup of tea and you didn't even hear that!

I'm going to grab that tea. I'm parched!

While you do that, let's go back to the studio.

APPLAUSE

Wow. That was good. That was one of the best reactions we've ever had.

What did you think when you went into your kitchen and saw Mark?

I didn't think anything, because I don't know who he was!

That's a bit embarrassing.

-Yes!

-I thought I was really popular.

And you, you secret biscuit-grabber, you're good at that!

That was awesome, that bit.

Guys, you have been absolutely fantastic sports.

Thank you to you and thank you to your parents and your brother,

thank you ever so much, you were great and in on the whole thing.

We're not going to let you go home empty-handed.

We are giving you these rather spectacular In Yer House spy pens!

But you will need to collect them from the Wind-Down Zone and that's

where you'll be spending the rest of the show because it's VIP, baby!

Take your family with you as well.

Please give it up for Zak and Billy, everybody, off you go!

APPLAUSE

Go on, family! Go on, family!

-See you later. That's nice, innit?

-Fantastic.

Here's what else is coming up on tonight's show.

What will be poured over my head in Mark Versus?

See which family survives in Splat In The Box.

And join us for even more in the Weekend Wind-Down.

Please rise for His Lordship, Lord Justice Rhodes!

Settle down! Settle down!

This is a serious part of the show.

There is nothing funny about justice.

WHOOPEE CUSHION

Oh, except for that!

And the parent prosecutor,

Samuel Ethel Nixon QC.

I love the smell of justice in the morning. It smells like casserole.

Actually, it's hotpot from the Coronation Street game earlier.

Weird.

OK, it's time to find out whose parents are guilty

of criminally embarrassing behaviour.

There's plenty of you around here - especially you, Lee!

I've heard about you, Lee. Is this your daughter Mia?

-Yeah.

-Hi, Mia, you all right?

-Yeah.

Lee, I understand that you're an embarrassing parent

because you drive your car but you pretend it's an aeroplane.

-Is this right?

-It is.

-Mia, do you testify?

Yeah. And he does something more embarrassing when he's in the car?

-Yeah.

-What does he do?

He holds his nose and acts like he's an air hostess.

I'm afraid we're going to have to hear this.

Bing-bong. This is your captain speaking.

Please can all car crew return to your seats for takeoff, please?

Your worship.

Your worship, how do you find the defendants?

Guilty!

-Apologise!

-Firstly, apologise to the world.

-I'm sorry.

-Now apologise to Mia, Do it in the voice.

Mia, I'm sorry.

These crimes are far too petty.

We need to find the real menace to society.

In that case, it's time to call our star witness.

And that witness is you, Molly!

Please join us in the Wind-Up courtroom for Parents On Trial.

Come on, Molly!

APPLAUSE

Order, order! Molly, have you any idea

why you're standing before this court today?

Maybe the following evidence will refresh your memory.

I give you exhibit A.

Does this cherry fizzy pop mean anything to you?

Not really.

-Interesting.

-Well, thank you very much for that, Jennie.

At this stage I want to bring your lordship's attention to exhibit B.

Molly, can you read this transcript out loud to the court, please?

"Oh, I think that I've found myself a cherryade,

"she is always right there when I need her."

Now forgive me if I'm wrong, Molly,

but these sound like the lyrics from Cheerleader.

# Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader

# She is always right there when I need her. #

-That's enough!

-Shut up!

But forgive me if I'm wrong, Molly,

the lyrics that you just read out

wasn't "Oh, I'm a cheerleader,"

it's "Oh, I'm cherryade," or something stupid!

Who would do such a thing and change the lyrics to a fantastic song?

-My mum and my dad.

-Your mum and your dad!

-I hear your mum does this a lot, is that right?

-Yeah.

-Does she sing these lyrics incorrectly out loud?

-Yeah.

Oh, dear. This is quite embarrassing.

Where is your mum today, Molly?

She's moving my grandma.

-OK.

-Interesting. Well, I put it to you, Molly, that she isn't there.

She's actually here, getting another song wrong.

Bring out the accused with their version of

We Built This City On Rock N' Roll.

# We built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls

# Built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls

# Built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls. #

APPLAUSE

Let's hear it for her! Yes!

You got the lyrics wrong again.

It's "We built this city on rock n' roll, whoa!"

Anyway, Molly, what did you make of that?

Em, it was very interesting.

Interesting is one word for it.

Time to reach a verdict.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

Ah, unanimous.

You've been found guilty of criminally embarrassing behaviour.

What do you have to say in your defence?

I think the lyrics of sausage roll and cherryade are better.

-I'm sure OMI agrees.

-Yes, I think so.

Well, for crimes against showbiz, I sentence you

to the next 20 minutes being flicked on the ear by an Inuit.

And to take her into custody, who better than The Governor?

CHEERING

-Who's The Governor?

-ALL: You're The Governor!

Come on, jailers and jailbirds! Yes! Oh, it's wonderful to see you all.

-Ah! Hello, everybody. Hello, judge. Hello, jury.

-Hello, Governor.

There's only one person for this.

Boys and girls, you know who it is. Yes, it's Mr Burgess!

MR BURGESS SHOUTS, APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Hello!

-Very sharp, Mr Burgess!

-Thank you, sir!

-You know what to do?

I certainly do, sir. Two, three, four!

MUSIC PLAYS, THE AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG

-Woohoo!

-Here we go!

SAM LAUGHS

MUSIC STOPS, CHEERING

-Very good, Mr Burgess.

-Thank you, sir.

-Very good indeed.

Mr Burgess, take this offender back to the punishment area.

I certainly will, sir! Right, come on, you rebel!

-Round you go.

-Quickly, yes!

-Follow me.

-Justice has been done.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

In you go, you horrible lout!

BELL TOLLS

Inuit, do your thing.

LAUGHTER Well...it seems that justice

has been served, but, Molly, I think you deserve a reward for testifying,

so we're going to give you a brand-new tablet!

CHEERING

-How does that sound?

-That sounds amazing.

-Brilliant! Excellent stuff.

That's not all, because soon, very soon in fact, you and your family

are going to be going up against Abbie and Jodie's family

in tonight's grand finale. You could win some more prizes.

So you need to go and join those guys in the Wind-Down Zone.

We'll see you a little bit later.

Please give a massive round of applause to Molly, everyone!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING, GAVEL BANGS

You're watching Big Friday Wind-Up, starring Sam and the other one.

CHEERING

-Is everyone here enjoying the show?

-ALL: Yes!

-Yey!

-I'm having a great time, mate!

-Aw, that's about to change, mate,

because it's the part of the show where Mark goes man-to-man,

or indeed wo-man, with a member of this very audience.

Mark, can anyone here beat you today?

-No.

-OK! LAUGHTER

Well, it's time to find out who's going to be playing Bucket-iquette!

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

It's Ella from Chepstow. Come on down, Ella!

CHEERING Come on down!

Here we go, Ella, here we go, here we go!

High five, Ella! Stand right here, my love.

Now, Ella, tell me, why do you think you can beat Mark?

Because loser isn't part of my vocab.

-Oh, ho-ho-ho! AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Mark, have you got anything to add?

-I didn't understand a word she said.

-LAUGHTER

Right, this is how you play.

This is a game all about buckets and etiquette.

One of these buckets over here contains something nasty.

The other contains something nice.

Now, Ella, it is your job to convince Mark

to have the nasty one poured over his head.

-Oh!

-Ha-ha!

-I've just done me hair and everything!

Now, you can do this by either telling him the truth,

or by bluffing, or by double bluffing.

How does that sound, Ella?

-Understood?

-Yeah.

-Excellent stuff!

-Or no.

Oh, clever, I like it. Very good, very good, excellent!

And helping us out with this,

please welcome back, from The Slammer, Mr Burgess, everyone!

CHEERING

-Mr Burgess!

-Ha!

-Welcome.

-Thank you, sir.

Now, Mr Burgess is going to be emptying

the buckets on one of your heads, which is lovely...

-Excited about that, Mr Burgess?

-Oh, yes, sir.

LAUGHTER

OK, Mark, you're going to be going first.

-If you'd like to take a seat...

-Of course I am.

-..on the Stool of Destiny!

-Aw, no!

-Ella, if you'd like to head over next to Mr Burgess.

-Oh!

And it's time to play Bucket-iquette!

MUSICAL STING

Mr Burgess, if you'd like to show Ella

what's inside each of the buckets.

-All right?

-You can look, Mark, that's all right.

You need as much help as you can, mate, trust me!

-You've got that.

-OK.

All right, now, Mark, you now need to ask Ella a series of questions.

-Did you watch Coronation Street last night?

-Not that question!

-Not that?

-I don't think that'll help you, mate!

-All right.

OK... In Bucket A, is it slimy?

-No.

-Is it furry?

-Yeah.

-OK, is it big?

-Relatively.

-Relatively?

OK, how big? Bigger than my arm?

-About that big?

-Yay big? OK, in B, is it slimy?

-Erm...no.

-SAM GIGGLES

Hmm.

Is it... Ha! Is it going to mess my hair up?

Hmm...could do.

SAM LAUGHS: I really have no idea!

-OK, OK, I'm picking one, I'm picking one.

-OK, Mark, it is

now time for you to choose a bucket to be poured over your head.

-What's it going to be - Bucket A or Bucket B?

-Oh, no!

You went into so much detail for A, I think the nasty one is in A,

so I'm going to go for B.

OK, in that case, Mr Burgess,

-if you'd like to bring Bucket B...

-Oh, no!

-..over to Mark.

And you're about to pour whatever is inside over Mark's head.

If it's nasty, it's one point to Ella.

Over to you, Mr Burgess.

AUDIENCE: Oh, oh..

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

I bet you wished you'd not asked stupid questions now, don't you?

-I'm going to go for A(!)

-LAUGHTER

Congratulations, Ella! Nice work! Round of applause for Ella there!

APPLAUSE She did a fantastic job.

But it's now time to swap, so, Mark, if you'd like to

step out of the paddling pool, go over to Mr Burgess.

You've got a towel over there.

Ella, if you'd like to step... and sit onto the stool.

I've got beans down me back!

-I didn't think I'd be saying that sentence today!

-Now, same thing.

Mr Burgess, if you'd like to give Mark

-a little peek inside each of the buckets.

-Ready?

-You got that?

-Yeah.

-You got that?

-Yeah.

SAM LAUGHS

-You look great! I think it's a good look.

-Pipe down, Nixon!

Er, OK, Ella, it is now time for you to ask Mark some questions.

-You've not got long. Ask wisely.

-Ask me!

LAUGHTER

-Come on!

-In Bucket B, is it slimy?

Absolutely.

Erm, in Bucket B, is it...big?

It's about yay big.

LAUGHTER

-In, er, Bucket A...

-Mm-hm?

..is it in little pieces?

No, they're quite big, actually.

In Bucket B...

..is it dry?

-No!

-LAUGHTER

OK! Ella... LAUGHTER CONTINUES

Quite difficult. It is time for you to choose a bucket.

What's it going to be - Bucket A or Bucket B?

-AUDIENCE MEMBERS SHOUT OUT

-Um...

SHOUTING CONTINUES, DIFFERENT ANSWERS GIVEN

The audience can help you all they want, but they have no idea as well!

SHOUTING CONTINUES

-OK, Ella, we need an answer off you.

-OK.

-What's it going to be - A or B?

I'm going to go for A.

You're going for... Ha! You're going for Bucket A?

-Yeah.

-Mr Burgess, you know what to do.

If this is nasty, then we have a tie-break situation on our hands.

If it's nice, you are tonight's winner, Ella. Best of luck!

Here we go, Mr Burgess!

CHEERING

HE LAUGHS

Congratulations, Ella! That means you beat Mark

-and tonight, you get to take home this I Beat Mark trophy!

-Thank you!

CHEERING Hold it up in the air! In the air!

Just so we know, just so we know, Mr Burgess, what was inside Bucket B?

-Oh, don't tip it over me head!

-SAM LAUGHS

APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER

-Mushy peas, sir!

-SAM LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY

-All right, son?

-I'm fine!

-I love my job!

LAUGHTER

Brilliant! Mark, anything you'd like to say to Ella?

-Well done, Ella.

-LAUGHTER

Anything you'd like to say to Mr Burgess?

-It's a good, good...good cop, that.

-LAUGHTER

-Right?

-All right, sir.

Brilliant! OK, Ella, it is now time for you

to join the rest of the guys down in the Wind-Down Zone.

It's VIP, you'll have a lovely time there, see you later.

It's Ella, everyone! Round of applause for Ella!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

ALL: Hey, we're The Tide!

When we're in the UK, we watch Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

Well, when nothing else is on.

Welcome to the most intense game on TV.

In tents? It's not in a tent, mate, it's in a box.

It is Splat-In-The-Box.

Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

Let's welcome back our star players.

Abbie, Jodie and family.

And Molly, Alana and family!

APPLAUSE

All right. Abbie, please introduce your team.

This is my twin sister Jodie, my big brother Lewis and my mum, Andrea.

Lovely to have you all here. Welcome to Splat-In-The-Box

Molly, introduce your gang, please.

This is my best friend, Freya, my dad, Nick, and my mum, Alana.

-Lovely to have you here, guys.

-Good luck to both teams.

-This is a game of chance.

-And skill!

Each team will take turns to step up to...

BOTH: The Box of Horrors!

Argh!

Once there, you will have just ten seconds to answer

a general knowledge question.

But be quick, because the longer it takes you to answer,

the more times you will have to wind up the crank.

For example, if you take three seconds in which to

answer your question, that means three full cranks of the crank.

-I'm going to stop saying crank.

-Stop saying crank!

Do not get one wrong.

No, no, no, because if you do,

we have a Triple T situation on our hands.

But, Mark, whatever is a Triple T situation?

I'll tell you, Sam.

It is where a team must wind up the crank for a maximum

ten terrifying turns!

Mwa-ha-ha!

Nobody in the studio will know how many turns will make the box open.

But when it does, boy howdy,

and everyone knows what boy howdy means.

But if you're not familiar, it means one team

will get very, very messy, and the other will win the game.

Exactly. Boy howdy.

It also means that the winning team will go home with tonight's

-star prize, a games console.

-Whoo!

And it's in a box and everything.

OK, for our viewers at home,

time to find out how many turns will open the box tonight.

If you don't want to know, close your eyes now.

Now, to decide who goes first, Sam here has a genuine one-smark coin.

Abbie and Jody, what will it be?

Will it be Sam's or Mark's?

-Sam's.

-All right. Like that, is it? Fair enough.

Oh!

It's Mark's, which means, Molly's team, you guys will be going first.

If you would like to get in position, please.

Now, Molly's team, your time will start

when Mark finishes asking the question.

Best of luck.

What currency is used in Russia?

-Rouble.

-Correct.

Well done, Nick. Well done, Nick.

You answered that question in one second.

Well done, that means one full crank.

Who's taking...?

Freya, you are doing it. Off you go, one full crank.

Oh, we're safe. OK. Please swap places.

OK.

What is 3 x 7 + 22?

-43.

-Correct!

Well done.

You answered that in five seconds,

which means five full turns.

Who is going to be doing the honours?

-Abbie.

-Don't step up too quick.

Here we go, Abbie, five full turns.

That's one.

That's two.

Three.

-That's four.

-Oh!

Five!

Abbie!

I'm kidding, sorry.

You're safe, you're safe.

OK, please swap positions.

Stop it!

Sorry, Abbie.

Reykjavik is the capital of which country?

-Iceland.

-Correct!

Nick, you are on fire, my friend.

You answered that in one second, so that means again one full crank.

Who is doing it this time? Molly, off you go.

Oh!

Safe, OK. Swap positions.

Who knows when it will go? Who knows?

What colour is the middle stripe on an Italian flag?

Red.

-Wrong.

-Green.

It's not red or green, it's white.

-Oh!

-Which means ten terrifying turns.

-You did it, so you go.

-Not me!

You did it, so you get to do it.

That's what Abbie just said to her twin sister, people.

We don't know, it might not go off here yet. We don't know.

You have got ten terrifying turns.

Best of luck, guys, here we go.

One.

Two.

Three.

Come on, come on, come on.

Four.

You can do it. Five.

Come on, keep going.

Six.

Seven.

-Come on!

-Eight.

Nine!

Ha-ha-ha!

-Aww!

-No!

Guys, I'm so sorry about that. How are you feeling?

Great.

Great. Kick them when they're down, Sam!

Well, you're not going home empty-handed,

we are going to be giving you these commemorative smark coin sets.

They are very lovely indeed.

Thank you for being such great sports.

Please give it up for Abbie's team, everyone.

APPLAUSE

Off you go, guys.

Be careful, Jodie. Be careful, be careful.

Don't slip.

But Molly's team, come over here, come over here.

You are home and dry, well done. Look at that, all on the floor.

It didn't hit you once, which means you have tonight's star prize,

a games console in a box!

-What do you make of that? Good? Happy?

-Yeah.

You have been fantastic, you really have.

Let's give it up for Molly's team, everyone. Off you go.

APPLAUSE

Well, that is it from this week's Big Friday Wind-Up.

A massive thank you to you, lovely audience. Thank you so much.

You've been brilliant.

-Give yourselves a round of applause.

-Thank you.

But the Weekend Wind-Down is just about to begin.

You lovely lot are all invited to our aftershow backstage VIP party.

Yes, we are hanging out with everyone we have surprised tonight.

Not forgetting our celebrity friends,

Ted Robbins and Jennie McAlpine from Coronation Street

and Mr Burgess from The Slammer.

We have got games, we have got gossip,

we have got every behind-the-scenes action that you would wish for.

So what are you waiting for? Come and join the party, come on you!

What's this? What's this? I don't know what I'm doing!

I don't know what I'm doing.

Hey, I'll tell you something, we wound up the week...

And it's now time to wind down for the weekend.

Welcome to our exclusive VIP backstage Wind-Down Zone.

It's lovely, do you like it?

Look, we've got Jennie McAlpine and Ted Robbins.

And the ever-friendly Mr Burgess.

-All right, mate?

-Yes.

Oh!

-I'm relaxing too.

-Are you?

-You don't look like you are.

-I am!

-All right, all right.

-Sorry!

-Over there we have got lovely Ella.

-How are you doing, you all right?

-Yeah!

Your trophy, I love your trophy.

Got that bean juice out of your ears?

What?

We've got Zak and Billy from In Yer House over there.

You all right?

Loving the checked shirts.

Right, come over here, you, because if you...

Hello!

The families, everybody.

If you missed Big Friday Wind-Up earlier,

here it is in a 30-second round-up. Here we go.

Now, we started off dressed as superheroes,

and I tell you something, Mark lost a lot more than his pride.

Corrie fans Abbie and Jodie played a game of Coronation Eat

but they missed out on the star prize.

They did, until Ted Robbins came on the set and smashed it for them,

winning them a VIP trip to the Corrie set.

How cool is that?

Molly's mum Alana butchered the classic We Built This City.

-It was still entertaining.

-Oh, I loved it.

Mark ended up with beans on his face and mushy peas on his head

when we played... I can't say it.

-And Molly's team were victorious in Splat-In-The-Box.

-Indeed.

So, that is Big Friday Wind-Up rounded up in just 30 seconds.

Mark, sum that up with one noise.

-Aces!

-It's a good noise.

OK, let's move over here. Come here, you.

Hey, look who it is!

It's Abbie and Jodie and Molly and Alana.

You all right, guys?

-Are you all right? Are you happy?

-Yes.

-You should be very happy.

-And have you got your hair all nice?

-Yeah.

-Well...

-Lovely.

Well, Abbie and Jodie, you need to help us

in a quick quiz that we are doing, so come over here.

And you!

Over here, you, you swine. How are you doing?

Thanks, mate. A round of applause for Ted Robbins

and Jennie McAlpine, everyone.

-We can applaud Mr Burgess as well.

-We can, yeah.

-TED:

-Look at his happy face.

Earlier on Big Friday Wind-Up we found that you guys,

Jodie and Abbie, you guys are massive fans of Coronation Street.

-Isn't that right?

-Yeah.

We are going to find out just how big fans you really are

because we're going to play a quiz.

It's called StreetSmart, and we are going to alternate

the questions between Jennie and Ted and you pair.

Yeah, indeed. You guys have been on Coronation Street for a long time.

How long have you been on, Jennie?

-It will be nearly 15 years.

-15 years.

-Ted?

-15 days.

-Good luck, mate.

We are going to take it in turns, we're going to start with you guys.

-Go for it, Mark.

-OK.

-Who is Max Toner's real dad?

-Oh, dear.

-Erm...

-Come on, you have been in it for 15 years, love.

I've been watching it for more than 15 years, I should know.

Do you know who it is?

-MR BURGESS: Is it Percy Sugden?

-It's not Percy!

That was a wild stab in the dark.

-Callum.

-She's saying Callum.

Callum is right, well done.

OK, well done, Jennie, well done. OK, back over to Abbie and Jodie.

Massive fans, here we go.

Who is the current landlady of the Rovers Return?

Erm...

Were you just messing with us?

-Come on, here we go. We've got an answer.

-(Liz!)

-Liz.

-You are saying Liz, with no help at all from Ted.

That's the right answer!

Massive fans. MASSIVE fans!

-OK, Jennie and Ted.

-Just massive.

Who lives at number one, Coronation Street?

Erm...

MR BURGESS: Is it Annie Walker?

Who?

Ask your grandmas and your grandads.

It's not Elsie Tanner.

Minnie Caldwell, sir.

-Just saying words.

-Ena Sharples.

SAM: Have a guess.

-It's...

-He's been in it for a long time.

-He!

-It's Ken Barlow.

-Ken Barlow!

Correct. OK, over to Abbie and Jodie.

What's the name of Roy's cafe?

-Roy's Rolls. No...

-Yes!

SIREN BLARES

-Yes!

-Massive fans.

-Massive fans!

-They are massive fans.

-What are we on now?

-I think it's 14-0.

Neck and neck, aren't we?

Well, OK. Paper, scissors, stone. Let's do it.

Here we go. On three.

One, two, three...

Massive fans, there we go.

-TED:

-I don't know what that one is...

I'm just being told in my ear...

Oh, it's Hollyoaks that you are massive fans of. Oh, what a mistake!

Complete misunderstanding. Right, come over here.

Round of applause for these guys, everybody.

Check it out. It's Billy and Zak from In Yer House.

How are you doing, lads? Are you all right?

-Yeah, we're good.

-Fantastic.

All right, shall we have a little look

at what happened on In Yer House?

Because my favourite bit of the whole thing was the biscuit passing.

Oh, it was fantastic.

Can we just have a look at this magical moment, please?

'Hold out your hand, hold out the biscuit to Billy. Here we go.'

SAM LAUGHS

Nice work!

That's brilliant. Where has the biscuit come from?

Zak, did you have any idea?

-No idea at all.

-Ever since you got home from school, you had no idea,

right until the last minute when he was making a nice cup of tea?

I was, I was dinking it.

I was dinking it about 20 times and that's when you got me, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-Your face, when you saw me, you went...

I thought it was some kind of move that you did.

Lads, you have been fantastic sports.

Thank you for taking part. It is Billy and Zak, everyone!

High five, bring it in.

Nice one, lads. Right, over here.

Now, it's Molly here.

-How are you doing? Are you all right?

-Yeah.

-Excellent.

Lovely to have you here.

On Big Friday Wind-Up we didn't talk about your love for Louis Tomlinson

-from One Direction.

-We didn't.

Now we don't have enough time - it's so much love.

It is so much love that you've got a little

-mini doll of Louis Tomlinson, is that right?

-Yeah.

-And what do you do with him at home?

-We put him in the window.

You put him in the window and you put signs in his hands, don't you?

-Yeah.

-What kind of signs?

One said "Help me, I've been kidnapped!"

Brilliant. Lovely.

And didn't that cause a stir from the police one day?

Yeah, the police came to our house asking

if we had actually kidnapped someone.

-Shall we have a look at a picture?

-We've got a picture of it.

Why's he dressed in a dress?

-I have no idea.

-You have no idea. Brilliant.

-Because it's Saturday.

-Yeah, why not?

-It's fine.

All right, well, we are going to give you a chance to maybe

put an accessory onto Louis's head.

Yeah, we are going to win you a little prize now

because we are going to play a little game which we are calling...

-Free Louis.

-Free Louis.

Now, as you can see, poor old Louis Tomlinson from One Direction

and Doncaster is stuck in a cage and we need to get him out.

-And X Factor judges' houses.

-Yeah, he was a judge this year.

So, what we're going to do,

we are going to give you this remote control, Molly,

and you have got to get...

I don't know how this is going to work, guys, I'm not going to lie.

You are going to get this helicopter

and you're going to get his head and you are going to take him out.

You are going to airlift him out of the cage.

He has got a magnet on his head, we're not crazy.

And apparently the real Louis Tomlinson

has got a magnet on his head.

Yeah. It's a little-known fact.

So, we are going to give you 60 seconds to do that,

starting from now.

Come on, here we go, round of applause!

-It's not working.

-It's not working.

-It's not working, brilliant!

How do we get...? Argh!

Right, it is working. Right, it is working.

Hold on, let me get that from out there. Don't press a thing.

Do not press a thing!

-It's going!

-I don't need a shave.

Here we go. Right, here we go.

Right, we're up in the air!

-Oh, that's good!

-Yeah!

Ahhh!

Free Louis! Try him again.

Oh, no, the magnet! Hold on, the magnet has got trapped. There we go.

This is a terrible idea for a game! Hold on, hold on.

Well, I'm entertained!

-MR BURGESS:

-Gosh, imagine the producer who thought this up!

Here we go, waiting for it. Oh, my goodness me.

-Put that magnet on Louis's head.

-It's terrible.

-Come here, come here.

It's really wound up. It's really the worst idea ever.

Right. Oh, my goodness.

The magnet doesn't even work, the magnet doesn't even work!

It's the worst game ever!

-MOLLY:

-He's free!

-SIREN BLARES

Yes, Louis is free and we have all been entertained.

Oh...

Oh, and...

For going through with that horrible game, we are going to

give you a prize, and that is Louis Tomlinson's new hat.

There we go!

-It was totally worth it.

-Brilliant.

Round of applause for Molly, everyone.

Right, now it's time for this.

Now, we are about to play a fantastic game

with our very own Ted Robbins.

-Thank you very much. Can I just ask you something?

-Yeah.

The helicopter game, is that going to be a regular feature?

-We're hoping so.

-Probably not any more, Ted.

So, Ted Robbins is playing this and we've got Zak and Billy here.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

They rode over that pretty well, didn't they?

We've not got much time left. Here's what's going to happen.

We've got an audience member who thinks they look like a celebrity.

They'll come up on the screen.

You tell us who you think they look like.

Write it down. If it matches, it's a point.

Here we go with audience member number one.

I am often told I look like...

-Write down an answer.

-Tricky one.

These guys are writing down an answer over here.

Confident over here. Ted, what are we going for?

-David Cameron.

-David Cameron. Over here, what have you got?

-Nick Grimshaw.

-Nick Grimshaw, OK. Let's have a look, see who it is.

I am often told I look like...

..Nick Grimshaw.

Oh, my goodness!

-Wait a minute...

-TED:

-He looks nothing like him!

-How are you doing this, Billy?

-One more, let's have a look.

I am often told I look like...

OK, this is for the whole game.

MR BURGESS: Well, you've blown it now, haven't you?

SAM: Ted, what have you got?

-Cilla Black.

-You've gone for Cilla Black.

-What have you got over here?

-Anne Morrison.

-OK!

Is that a mixture of Van Morrison and Anne Robinson?

Let's have a look. Let's have a look.

Anne Robinson.

Half a point for that.

It's the Brown Eyed Girl, Anne Morrison.

-Brilliant.

-Fantastic. Well done.

That means that, Zak and Billy, you have won the game.

CHEERING

You win a lollipop. The lollipop is over there.

We haven't, we've got this plastic bowl of fruit.

Have that, enjoy.

Well, that is it from this weekend's Wind-Down.

Thank you ever so much for watching. Have you enjoyed yourselves, guys?

-MR BURGESS:

-No!

-Mr Burgess has not enjoyed it at all.

-Fair enough.

You remember Alana, who sang We Built This City On Sausage Rolls?

-Yes, I do indeed.

-Well, she is going to be singing us out today.

-Oh, did Little Mix drop out?

-Yeah, Perrie has got a cold.

-Perrie!

-Unbelievable!

Alana, take it away.

# We built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls

# We built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls

# We built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls

# We built this city

# We built this city on sausage rolls. #

-See you next weekend!

-See you!