Naomi Wilkinson Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

'What is this boy hiding?'

LAUGHTER

'Why is this man sweating?

'And what does this woman get up to when no-one is watching?

'Welcome to the show where no-one is safe,

'it's Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up!'

AUDIENCE: Woo!

-BOY:

-'Welcome to the show that's winding up the world.

'From studio two in Salford, it's Big Friday Wind-Up!'

My name is Joe, and I'm dressed as a penguin?!

I'm here to introduce your hosts - Sam and Mark!

MUSIC: James Bond Theme

CHEERING

MUSIC STOPS

-The name's Mark.

-Sam and Mark.

-BOTH:

-Welcome to the weekend!

MUSIC: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars

Oh, yeah, this show is packed with great stuff as ever

and it's hosted by men more handsomer than Daniel Craig.

What? They're replacing us?

LAUGHTER

Forget it. Anyway, we have got our very own Bond girl on today's show.

Naomi Wilkinson is here, everyone!

CHEERING

Love that girl, love her.

We leave an audience member shaken not stirred

when we put their parents on trial.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

And find out what happened

when we pranked some Emmerdale fans on the set of Emmerdale itself!

-Carly, I need a word with you in private.

-Not now, Vanessa.

I think you will be interested in what I have got to say.

-BOTH:

-Rhubarb, rhubarb...

MAN OVER LOUD-HAILER: Cut, cut - that's really nice.

-It's a good one, innit?

-So good.

But before all that, remember, on this show, no-one is safe.

That's right, we know everything about every single one of you.

For example...

Felicity from Bath - you once shaved your eyebrows off by mistake.

There are some spare ones under your seat in case it happens again.

Take a look, Felicity.

Have a look.

-There we go.

-Stick 'em on!

-Oh, oh, oh...

-Put 'em on, go on!

-SAM AND MARK:

-Wahey!

APPLAUSE

That's not all.

Alexander from Manchester,

we know that you are a massive fan of Hacker the Dog.

Is that right?

Well, take a look at this, Alexander.

Alexander, it's me, Hacker T Dog.

Having fans like you really means a lot to me.

It keeps me in a job, cocker, and I need a new kitchen.

Enjoy the rest of the show, me old cockers.

Awww.

Nice! Nice!

Now it's time for the next part of the show.

Hey, Sam, why is there a spider on that boy's shoulder?

DRAMATIC REVEAL MUSIC

First of all, Mark, that is not a spider.

It is a man dressed in black with a spider on his hand.

And secondly, that boy is Harrison, who will be playing our next game.

Hey...get off, spider man. See you later.

-See you later, spider man.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww.

-Don't "aww" him!

Harrison, we're coming to you!

-AUDIENCE:

-Woo!

-Hello, mate. How you doing, you all right?

-Yep.

-Fantastic.

Now, Harrison, we have heard that you absolutely love animals,

-is that correct?

-Yep.

-OK, what is your favourite animal?

-A lion.

A lion, king of the jungle!

-Yes, please.

-And you are also a big fan of trains

and you want to be a train driver when you are older, is that right?

-Yep.

-Fantastic.

I tell you what, Harrison, you're going

to absolutely love our next game, I guarantee that.

Yes, Harrison, it is time for a game that we like to call...

-# Choo-choo...

-Zoo-zoo...

-# Choo-choo, zoo-zoo...

-Choo-choo, zoo-zoo...

# Choo-choo! #

That worked better in rehearsals, come and play it anyway!

CHEERING

Welcome to the daily commute. The old rat race.

Nah, it's definitely an elephant, Sam.

Yep. Definitely.

Harrison, in this game, you are the train controller.

And to help you manage these zoo commuters - or "zoomuters"...

Excellent.

SAM CHUCKLES

..it's Naomi Wilkinson!

CHEERING

LAUGHING: You all right?

-Hello!

-Lovely and graceful.

-Yeah, thanks!

Oh, lovely to have you here.

Now, Naomi, who better to give Harrison some help, with

your wealth of animal knowledge?

Well, yes, there you go.

LAUGHTER

-Couldn't have put it better myself.

-Now, we are going to

ask you to move the animals around the carriage into

a particular order, and you'll have just 20 seconds to do this.

For each one that you get right in each round,

you will win a prize from the Wind-Up prize stash!

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

So, without further ado, let's meet the animals.

'An elephant.'

ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

'A lion.'

LION ROARS

'A fly.'

FLY BUZZES

-'A giraffe.'

-'Hello!'

LAUGHTER

'And a cheetah.'

CHEETAH SNARLS

Great stuff. An easy one, put the animals into alphabetical order.

So the first animal in the alphabet at the front of the carriage

-where the elephant is. OK?

-Yeah.

-Best of luck.

-All aboard, your 20 seconds start now!

Go, go, go, go!

Come with me. Cheetah, yeah?

-That's it, isn't it?

-HARRISON:

-Yeah.

Have we got to do all of them or just one?

All of them,

in alphabetical order, quicker.

Be quicker, you have

got five seconds left.

AUDIENCE: ..four, three, two, one...

KLAXON SOUNDS

Hoo-hoo-hoo!

That was with, like, a second to spare.

Fingers crossed, let's see if you're right.

Zoomuters, can you please move into your correct alphabetical order?

Yay!

Nice work, that means one prize from the Wind-Up prize stash.

Excellent. It's time for the next round.

We would like you to put the animals in order of weight,

starting with the lightest and ending with the heaviest.

So lightest nearest to me, heaviest right at the end.

All aboard, 20 seconds start now!

Go, go, go, go!

-Come on.

-Elephant, you come with me.

Shuffle up. What do you think,

giraffe heavier than lion?

-Oh, wow.

-Giraffe heavier than lion.

-Swap these two around?

-Yeah.

Swap you two around, please.

-Interesting.

-No, turn.

-Do it, do it.

AUDIENCE: ..two, one...

KLAXON SOUNDS

-Oh, OK.

-You did say. Listen, Harrison, we are going to let you...

-Do you want to turn them around?

-Yes.

OK, you can turn them around, you were saying that.

Where the lion is...

You had started so you will finish, Harrison.

-Indeed, indeed.

-Thanks, Harrison.

Let's see if you're right, best of luck,

-Harrison and Naomi.

-Stressful!

-GERMAN ACCENT:

-Zoomuters...

I'm saying it wrong, aren't I?

..please move into order of lightest to heaviest.

-SAM AND MARK:

-Ohh!

-No!

-Unlucky, unlucky.

Oh, it's because he has got a big neck, innit?

True, true. Unfortunately you don't win a prize on that one,

but that's all right, there's still a chance to win

another prize, because it is time for the next round.

OK, the next round is a little bit trickier.

-Put the zoomuters in order of their top speed.

-Ooh!

From slowest, nearest to me, and speediest, right at the end.

OK, all aboard, 20 seconds start now.

Go, go, go, go!

Cheetah...there.

You are the fastest. Hang on...

Slowest first.

The giraffe is the slowest.

-Slower than the fly?

-No. Just there.

-Them two swap.

-Swap, please.

There, yeah?

AUDIENCE: ..three, two, one...

Fly!

KLAXON SOUNDS

OK, interesting, interesting.

Because at the end, Harrison went, "Fly!"

Which suggests to me that you wanted to move him,

but we are not going to allow you to, unfortunately,

because we are not very nice and the time went.

But best of luck, Harrison, let's see if you're right.

Zoomuters, please move into order of slowest to fastest.

-ALL:

-Ohh!

So you were correct with the fly.

Yeah, they go like this, that's really fast!

Really fast, that.

So that means you have won one prize from the Wind-Up prize stash.

-That's not bad at all.

-That's all right!

CHEERING You happy with that, Harrison?

-Yep.

-OK. But you can risk that for tonight's star prize.

NAOMI GASPS

-And you like trains, yeah?

-Yeah.

-The star prize is a train set!

-Yeah!

Oh, he likes it. Even the animals like it.

Only some of them were dancing there.

-Playing it cool, the lion.

-They want to get to work,

they are on the commute.

ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

Before you decide what you're going to do, Harrison,

we're going to tell you what you will have to do in the challenge.

-OK, you are no longer working as a team.

-Oh, interesting

No, no, no. So none of this talking to one another.

You may as well stand up, Naomi.

-You're actually working AGAINST each other.

-Ooh!

What a twist.

Harrison, what I want you to do is pick one of these animals

-to carry you in a piggyback race.

-Oh.

-And Naomi, you need to pick another.

-Yeah.

The winner is the first one to cross from the start line, which is

the pink line you're standing on, to the end line,

which is the blue line here.

It is as simple as that. So, lovely audience,

what do you think Harrison should do?

Should he stick with the prizes that he has got or should he risk it?

I think he should risk it because he has only got one prize,

what do you reckon, guys?

-Risk it! AUDIENCE:

-Risk it!

-Saying that though, it might be a fantastic prize.

-It's probably not.

What are you going to do, Harrison? Are you going to risk it

or are you going to keep the prize you have already got?

-I'm going to risk.

-He's going to risk it!

CHEERING

-He's a legend.

-OK, Harrison, this is the hard bit.

Time to pick who you think is going to be the fastest animal.

Now, granted, in real life, the cheetah is.

By quite a distance,

but I am thinking it's not about that any more.

-No, no, no.

-Nah, nah.

-The lion.

-Yes.

-Oh, king of the jungle.

-To be fair though, you did say that was your favourite animal.

-You did.

When we spoke to you, so it is fair enough.

Naomi, up to you, you need to choose an animal.

I will take the giraffe, please.

ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

LAUGHTER

-I'm glad you did that.

-You would, you would.

OK, lion and giraffe, could you please get ready...

Round of applause for the lion and the giraffe.

CHEERING

They are completely out of their comfort zones,

the lion and the giraffe here.

Mount your animals.

LAUGHTER

-What a sentence.

-Right, we will stand over here. Best of luck.

Lion, thumbs up, are we ready?

LION ROARS

-Gi-raffe, are you ready?

-'Hello!'

Three, two, one - Jumanji!

AUDIENCE SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT SAM GIGGLES

Yay!

APPLAUSE

SAM GIGGLES

Bless her, she's about four stone!

OK, giraffe and lion, thank you very much, if you'd like to get

yourself back on the train and ready for the commute to work.

Harrison, come over here. Round of applause for Harrison, everyone.

You chose wisely, Harrison, you chose wisely with the lion,

and that means you have won tonight's star prize, the train set!

-ALL:

-Yay!

Harrison, you will now be spending the rest of the show

in the Wind-Down Zone, that is the VIP area, my friend.

Yeah, and you are going to be playing in the end game

-later on, how does that sound?

-Good.

-Awesome.

-Beautiful stuff. OK, ladies and gentlemen,

please give it up for Harrison and the lovely Miss Naomi Wilkinson!

CHEERING

Hello, I'm Katie Thistleton, and I think you should watch

Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up, because if you don't, I'll find you.

I won't. But watch it, it's good.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

'Ladies and gentlemen, tonight on the Wind-Up Wheel -

'Miss Naomi Wilkinson!'

How are you doing, Naomi Wilkinson?

I have felt better, I have got to be honest.

Come on, you have faced worse than this.

-But I had quite a lot for lunch.

-Oh, did you? OK, yes.

That was a mistake.

Well, this is the Wind-Up Wheel, aka Wheel.I.Am.

AKA EastEnders' Ian B-Wheel.

AKA Prince Wheel-iam.

Oh, if only I knew what AKA meant.

LAUGHTER

Here is how it works. We will be getting Naomi an almighty spin.

If she lands on "truth", we will ask her a relevant/irrelevant

question about her showbiz life.

But if she lands on "wind-up",

we'll give her a forfeit, and it could be literally anything.

Ooh, interesting.

-How are you feeling now, Naomi?

-Yeah, now I feel even better(!)

SAM AND MARK LAUGH

Right, let's get started and...

-ALL:

-Wind up that wheel!

NAOMI SCREAMS

I don't like spinny things.

-Whoa.

-Wind it up real nice, yeah.

And stop that wheel.

Whoa....

Truth!

-Ooh.

-Naomi, pick a number between one and ten, please.

-Eight.

-Number eight.

-Excellent choice.

-Ooh.

-Oh, no.

Do you use in-ear or overhead headphones?

Oh, big one. The big one.

-I use both.

-No, you can't use both, that's a silly answer.

-That's the wrong answer.

-It's a wrong answer?

You use a shell from the seaside.

And listen to the music of life.

Wind up that wheel!

JOLLY MUSIC

SAM GIGGLES

Woo!

AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG TO MUSIC

-Stop the wheel!

-Stop it.

Truth!

Ooh.

-Naomi, pick a number between one and ten, please.

-Ten, please.

-Ooh.

-Oh, no, not this one.

What did you most enjoy in PE at school?

In PE? Trampoline.

-Wrong answer.

-No.

-Badminton.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-Badminton is the right answer.

-Oh.

-You should know.

-You should know, your life.

-It is, yeah.

Anyway, it's time to...

-ALL:

-Wind up that wheel!

Woo!

Whose stupid idea was this?

Stop the wheel!

Whoaaaa...

-It's a wind-up. Please pick a number between one and ten.

-One.

-One.

Put your left foot in your right shoe

and your right foot in your left shoe.

SAM GIGGLES

This is going to take ages. I wish you had brought slip-ons.

I have done double bows and everything.

It's all right, talk amongst yourselves.

LAUGHTER

-Oh, here we go.

-Like that?

Yeah, that's good. Can you do a little bit of a dance here?

In fact, tap dance. You can tap dance, can't you, Naomi?

There we go.

Oh, stop being so talented, will ya?

CHEERING

That's impossible, you've got the wrong shoes!

Do I have to keep them like that?

You've got to keep them like that for the rest of the show.

-ALL:

-Wind up that wheel!

Wish I had worn better shoes today.

And stop that wheel!

-Whoa...

-Where's it going to land?

-Wow.

-It landed on truth, interesting.

-Pick a number.

-Three.

-Three, you're going for three.

-Oh, no, not that one.

That's the worst one.

What would your best friend say was your most annoying habit?

-Twiddling my hair.

-Twiddling your hair?

It's the wrong answer.

It is wearing your shoes on the wrong feet.

Anyway, that's the end of that - yay!

Naomi, how are you feeling after that?

Anyone got a little bucket?

Oh, really? Feeling a bit sick? I'll tell you something, I think

you have earned a good old rest in the Wind-Down Zone.

Off you go, we will see you

a little bit later, it is Naomi Wilkinson, everyone!

-Thank you.

-Bye. Walk off.

Keep 'em like that.

VOMITING SOUND EFFECT

-Oh...

-I think we might need a bigger bucket.

Oh, no.

It is time to meet some more of our friends,

-it is Georgia and Nickie.

-Yay!

-Hey!

-Hey!

-All right?

I'm fine, thanks.

-Oh, you missed...

-Oh, no, I'm sorry.

-Left her hanging.

Left you hanging. Hi, guys, are you enjoying the show?

-Yeah, brilliant.

-Yeah.

-Excellent, lovely to have you here.

Now, not so long ago we got our mates over at Emmerdale

-to help wind you up, didn't we?

-Yes.

Good and proper, and you guys are massive fans, aren't you?

-Yes.

-We love it.

-Any fans of Emmerdale in the house?

AUDIENCE: Woo! Oh, good, you're going to like this.

Shall we take a look and see what happened

when we got you Smarked good and proper?

NICKIE LAUGHS

OK, Georgia, could you please do the honours down camera number four?

Run VT!

BOTH INHALE

Ah, the great outdoors, the wind in our hair, the air in our lungs.

Perfect day for a wind-up, I reckon.

It is indeed, my friend,

and that is why we are here on the set of Emmerdale.

We have found two big Emmerdale fans,

mother and daughter Nickie and Georgia.

They think they are taking part in a brand-new CBBC show

for super-fans where we give them

behind-the-scenes access to their favourite TV programme.

-The only thing is though, that show doesn't exist.

-Not real.

-Wind-Up though, does exist.

-Real.

Think it is time to have some fun, boy.

As we get into position, Nickie and Georgia arrive and are in

their element, as they get to

explore the set of their favourite programme.

They are about to make their way down here, where they are going

to take part in a fake Emmerdale scene

where we will have a starring role.

Check it out. Oh, yeah.

-Why am I the back end?

-Because I said so!

-OK.

LAUGHTER

Our Emmerdale wind-up is good to go, and to make it

totally believable, we have enlisted

the help of some famous Emmerdale faces.

Gemma Atkinson plays troublemaker Carly in the show.

And Michelle Hardwick plays the role of Vanessa.

Finally, meet Matthew Wolfenden, who plays David Metcalfe,

who will be going undercover as our director.

LOUD-HAILER SQUEAKS

-AMERICAN ACCENT THROUGH LOUD-HAILER:

-I think we're going to go for one.

But it seems our super-fans happen to be in

the wrong place at the wrong time.

Erm, there's people in the back of shot.

People in the back of shot, please come...

Oh, God, come on.

This isn't good, they have only just stepped foot

in the village and they are already upsetting the director.

Girls, girls, girls... Come on.

Quiet. And...action!

BIRDSONG

-Carly, I need a word in private.

-Not now, Ness, I'm busy.

I think you will be interested in what

-I have got to say.

-Go on, what is it?

I know who's stolen the money.

What money? I don't know what you are on about.

-Yeah, you do. It were you.

-What?

And cut! No, no, no, no.

That was, quite frankly, quite boring.

So the next time when you come down,

I would like you to shout the lines at each other, please.

-Shout the lines, OK?

-Shout?

-What, from the top?

-From the top, shout the lines, thank you.

And...action!

-Carly! I need a word with you in private!

-Not now, Vanessa, I'm busy!

I think you will need to know what I need to say, all right?

OK, go on, what?

-I know who has stolen the money.

-And cut!

-It was better, but...

-I mucked up that line.

Yeah, I know, you keep mucking up every line.

LAUGHTER

We need some background. Um...

Is there anyone that can...?

We need someone to walk down, because the scene is just boring.

So, our director wants some background action.

I wonder who we might be able to rope in as extras.

Time for Nickie and Georgia's big moment.

-I need you just to walk through the shot.

-Yeah.

Starting from probably near the bench.

-Yeah.

-Straight down.

I will say, "Cue background," and then I will say, "Action."

-They've asked us to be an extra.

-I know. I know!

Thank you.

As they get into position,

it seems they fully believe they are now extras in an Emmerdale scene,

but how far will they go to make sure they don't get cut?

Hello, girls? My name is Mickey, I'm your director.

-Hi, Mickey.

-Hi.

OK, cameras.

And...background start.

Go. Action!

Carly! I need a word with you in private.

Not now, Vanessa, I am busy.

I think you'll be interested in what I have got to say.

-All right, what?

-Cut, cut, cut! No, no, no, no.

That was a fine performance from the girls,

but our director wants a little bit more from them.

OK, we are going to do that again, girls.

-LAUGHING:

-A bit more emotion.

-A bit more emotion?

-Talking?

-Yep, in a hurry...

Think something like, I don't know,

- you've left your cooker on. - OK.

You've got to get down there quick.

- More emotion, please, thank you. - Bit more emotion.

GEORGIA WHISPERS

Quiet on set. And... background, please, go.

-And action!

-Carly!

-I need a word with you in private.

-Not now, Vanessa, I'm in a rush.

-I think you'll be interested in what I have got to say.

-All right...

Cut, no, no.

No, not working.

Our director is still not happy

and the cast are cranking up the tension too.

-SAM:

-Well, that's because this is a wind-up.

It's like a never-ending scene, man.

And, Gemma, if I see you pull a face like that at me again,

we'll just stop filming, OK?

I thought I would be finished earlier, that's all, sorry.

-No, no. Got to get it right.

-OK.

Listen, girls in the background, it's just not working

because the shot is so small, OK?

We are not seeing your legs, your knees,

so if you could walk fast but lift your knees up, please.

-LAUGHTER

-Lift our knees?

Lift your knees up, that's it, exactly like that.

Like this, like this.

Like this, you know?

OK, number one.

Quiet. Cameras.

-CAMERAMAN: Speed.

-Background, go.

Yep. Knees higher, please. And action!

Carly!

-I need a word with you...

-Stop, stop.

One more time with the knees, please.

They're not questioning any of this,

so let's keep that emotion and do the knees again.

Even higher, but slowly this time, it was too quick.

- OK. - OK?

Background, go. Slower, slower, slower. And action!

-Carly, I need a word with you in private.

-Not now, Vanessa, I'm busy.

LAUGHTER

Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Don't look at me like that, Gemma. Go back to number one.

Time for another take. Let's do the same again

but how about we get them to say a random word too?

What the actors do usually is just say, "Rhubarb, rhubarb,"

to each other.

- Rhubarb, rhubarb. - And it looks like it's...

- OK, thank you. - And...go, background.

-Rhubarb.

-Rhubarb.

-And action!

-Carly...

-I need a word with you in private.

-Not now, Vanessa, I'm busy.

I think you'll be interested...

-GEORGIA:

-Rhubarb, rhubarb...

Cut, cut, cut. Really nice. Listen...

This walk is now truly ridiculous,

and it is now nearly time for our big moment.

HE MOOS

-It's really good, that.

-Get back in there!

-Sorry.

But first, let's add one final thing to

Nickie and Georgia's walk on role.

Some props to carry. Hand over the watermelons.

-Going to see if you can...

-Carry a watermelon?

-A couple of these.

-That all right?

-Yeah.

-Keep saying...

Oh, that's mu... Oh, yeah.

OK, guys. And background, go.

BOTH: Rhubarb.

-Carly, I need a word with you in private.

-Not now, Vanessa, I'm busy.

I think you'll be interested in what I have got to say.

-All right, what?

-NICKIE AND GEORGIA: Rhubarb, rhubarb...

-Time for our entrance.

-Stop.

Hey, hey, hey, what is this?!

What is this?! Are you a real actor?

My agent told me to come today.

Well, your agent should have left you at home, man!

-The director is not impressed.

-What is that?!

But what about the girls?

-Get the costume off, get the costume off and go home!

-(Is this real?)

'Ooh, she's on to us. There's just one thing to do.

'Time to come clean.'

I just heard you say, "Is this real?"

It's not real, girls, you're not really on a CBBC super-fan show,

you are on Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

How you doing, ladies?

I've got to say, well done to Gemma and Michelle,

they were in on the whole thing.

And bless you.

-MICHELLE:

-You did everything - the knees, the walk...

Let's take that off you. Let's take that off you, shall we?

How are you feeling?

-I was scared of the director.

-But is he an actual director?

I know, because we have been winding you up with that as well.

He is not a real director.

Oh, it's David!

You were a fantastic director!

I tell you what, your walking was brilliant. I like this.

You scared me to death.

-You scared me!

-We got you good then, yeah?

-Yes!

I was just wondering, "Why is there a cow in the middle of Emmerdale?"

LAUGHTER

Nice one, girls, thank you ever so much.

-Thank you so much, it was brilliant.

-Thank you.

-Round of applause, yay, woo.

-Back to the studio.

What I love about that entire wind-up is that you genuinely

thought you were going to be in a scene for Emmerdale.

-Yeah, yeah!

-"Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb."

Oh, bless you. Well, first of all,

can I say a massive thank you to everyone down at Emmerdale

for helping us out with that, they were absolutely fantastic.

-Thank you.

-And you have been fantastic sports,

and you are now going to spend the rest of the show

in our VIP area, the Wind-Down zone, does that sound all right?

-Yeah!

-Excellent, well earned.

Give it up one more time for Georgia and Nickie.

Off you go, girls.

Off you go down there, we'll see you a little later on.

Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.

Knees, knees!

But right now, here's what else is coming up

on tonight's Big Friday Wind-Up.

Two families compete in Splat in the Box.

And we move over to the VIP zone for the Weekend Wind-Down

for plenty more fun and/or games.

'Oi, you lot, no silence in court!'

CHEERING

'Please rise for his worship, Lord Justice Rhodes.'

Wait, wait, now, before you say anything,

I have misplaced my wig, but that shouldn't

make you respect me any less.

JAUNTY MUSIC

'And the parent prosecutor, Samuel Eleanor Nixon, accusing.'

CHEERING

Oh, yeah. I know the law back to front.

It's "wal".

LAUGHTER

So you won't get anything past me.

It is time to find out whose parents are guilty of

criminally embarrassing behaviour.

I will tell you who is embarrassing.

You, Katie!

-We have heard about you. Is this your daughter Hattie?

-Yeah.

-Hello, Hattie, how are you?

-Good.

-Is your mum Katie embarrassing?

-Yep.

-I heard something happened on Easter Sunday once.

-Oh, yes.

-Didn't you get dressed up in an Easter bunny onesie?

-I did, yes.

Didn't you go outside in the garden and hide Easter eggs?

-I did, I hopped about.

-Didn't the neighbours see you?

THIS IS EMBARRASSING!

-Hattie, is it embarrassing?

-Very.

-Oh, very.

Your Worship, how do you find the defendant?

Guilty. Apologise.

-Apologise to the world.

-I am really sorry.

-And apologise to Hattie.

-I'm sorry, Hattie.

-OK, OK.

But you're not the only one.

There is more embarrassing behaviour in this audience.

And it comes from you, Kerry!

I've heard about you.

And your voice.

You like to change your voice, don't you, Kerry?

-Is this your son Lennon?

-Yeah.

-Hi, Lennon.

-Hi.

-Does your mum change her voice?

-Yeah.

-What does she change it to?

She changes it to, like, a man.

A man's voice?!

Well, I think we need to hear this man's voice, Kerry.

-DEEP:

-No, I don't, Lennon.

-Are you from Yorkshire as well?

-No.

-Oh, it was a good Yorkshire accent.

But that's not the point!

That is not the only embarrassing thing you do as well.

I hear you can burp...

-Only on a Saturday.

-Only on a Saturday.

-Well...

-Oh, no.

Let me tell you something, I have got my Saturday juice right here.

I want you to take a sip of that

and I want you to burp and say... What is it?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

She can do it, can't she, Lennon?

Right, you've been outed, drink it, come on. Come on.

DRUMROLL Take a good swig.

Here we go.

-SHE BURPS:

-Hello, everyone.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Deary me, deary me.

Your worship, how do you find the defendant?

Guilty!

-HYSTERICAL:

-Apologise!

-Apologise to the world. Down there first.

-Sorry.

Now apologise to Lennon. In the man voice.

-DEEP:

-Sorry, Lennon.

Burping!

These crimes are far too petty for me to find

the real menace to society.

Well, in that case, Your Worship, it is time to call our star witness.

And that star witness...

..is you, Sam!

Please join us in the Wind-Up Courtroom For Parents.

Come down here, you.

CHEERING

Sam, have you any idea why you're standing before this court today?

I have no idea why I'm here.

Well, maybe the following evidence will bring it all rushing back?

Exhibit A - a surveillance video to be played to the court.

# Hey!

# What's wrong with you?

# You're looking kind of down to me

# Things ain't getting over

# Listen to what I'm saying

# Got to turn around. #

Please turn that off, it's making me want to throw up.

Tell me something, Sam,

who was that strange man?

That was my dad.

Oh, really? And what did you make of that surveillance tape?

Erm...

-I did not expect that at all.

-Hmm, interesting.

Well, we're not here to discuss your dad's sensational dance moves.

Oh, no, we're here for something much worse.

Exhibit B, please!

Sam, could you please read the transcript to the court?

READS

-At the whale weigh station.

-AUDIENCE GROANS

I don't get it, is this some kind of joke?

Yes, your honour.

It is indeed a joke. A very bad joke.

Thank you very much, Naomi, thank you.

Tell us, Sam, tell us about your dad's bad jokes.

This is the first joke my dad ever told me,

and I thought it was brilliant.

-Oh, you thought it was brilliant? Oh, did you really?

-Mmm-hmm.

-Do you think it's brilliant now, now you're much older?

-Not at all.

-No, I didn't think so.

-No.

Where's your dad today, Sam?

Well, actually, he had to go out and fix one of his trucks,

because it was broken down.

That old chestnut.

I put it to you that he isn't there, where you said.

He's here in our studio.

Bring out the accused, Sam's dad, Paul!

APPLAUSE

Here he is!

Hi, I'm Sam's dad.

-Hey, Sam.

-LAUGHTER

I was walking along the street the other day,

there was some teenagers over the other side.

They started throwing some cheese at me.

I said, oh, that's mature.

CYMBAL SMASH

Good one, good one!

What do you call a woman stretched between two goalposts?

Annette.

CYMBAL SMASH

Two Welsh snowmen are chatting.

One says to the other, "Can you smell leeks?"

Cos they're Welsh! Cos they're Welsh! Ha-ha!

No carrots, no carrots.

Thanks, you've been a brilliant audience.

APPLAUSE

That was pretty bad, actually.

Sam, what do you make of that?

They were the worst jokes I've ever heard.

Aw!

Time to reach a verdict.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

It's unanimous.

Paul, the joke-telling dad,

you've been found guilty of criminally embarrassing behaviour.

What do you have to say in your defence?

I would just like to say that...

you're right, actually.

Oh, that's nice. Nice.

Well, I sentence you to the next 20 minutes peeling onions

with no protective eyewear!

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

"Ooh", indeed.

Get your apron on, get your apron on.

Peel them onions.

I'm having stew for me tea.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

Don't "aw" him! He deserves it.

Well! It would appear that justice has been served here today.

-But, Sam, you deserve a reward for testifying.

-Thank you.

So we're going to give you a brand-new tablet!

CHEERING

-How's that sound?

-That's mint, that is!

Excellent stuff. And that's not all, because pretty soon,

you and your family are going to be going up against Harrison

and his family in our grand finale! Oh, yes!

You might win some more prizes.

Right now though, go and join Harrison down at the Wind Down Zone.

We'll see you a little bit later on, give it up for Sam, everyone!

APPLAUSE See you later, buddy.

-ALL:

-Hey!

-We're James, Wes and Giselle from The Next Step.

And you're watching Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

Sam, we've seen your moves, and we think you've got what it takes

to join us in the dance studio.

As for you, Mark...

-This... This is awkward.

-Yeah.

Maybe you should just stay away from the dance floor?

Yeah.

APPLAUSE

-Hey, boxes are fun, right?

-Yeah.

Wrong! Not this box.

This box is the opposite of fun.

-Un-fun.

-Yeah, you heard.

It's Splat in the Box!

SPOOKY MUSIC, EVIL LAUGH

Let's welcome back our star players...

Harrison and family...

And Sam and family!

APPLAUSE

OK.

Harrison, please introduce your team.

This is my friend Ben, and this is my mum, Lizzie

-and my mum...dad, Paul.

-LAUGHTER

Hi, mum/dad Paul.

Sam, introduce the gang, please.

This is my brother, Matty,

and I believe you've already met my dad, Paul.

-And this is my sister, Poppy.

-Excellent, lovely to have you here.

Best of luck to both teams. Now, this is a game of chance.

-And skill!

-Each team will take turns to step up to...

-BOTH:

-The Box Of Horrors!

SPOOKY MUSIC

Once there...

Teams, you will have just ten seconds to answer

a general knowledge question.

But be quick, because the longer it takes you to answer,

the more times you'll have to wind up the crank.

For example, if you take three seconds,

that means three full turns of the crank.

But don't get one wrong - no, no, no -

because if you do, we have a triple-T situation on our hands.

-Mark?

-Yeah?

-What is a triple-T situation?

Well, I'll tell you, Sam.

It's when a team must wind up the crank for a maximum...

Ten! Terrifying! Turns!

Mwah-ha-ha-haaaa!

Now, nobody in the studio

will know how many turns will make the box open.

But when it does, well, well, well - timbers will be shivered.

In other words, one team will get very, very messy,

and the other team wins the game.

Yeah, which also means they'll go home with tonight's star prize -

a games console!

And it's in a box and everything!

CHEERING

OK, for our viewers at home,

time to find out how many turns will open the box tonight.

If you don't want to know, close your eyes now.

Now, to decide who goes first,

Sam here has a genuine one Smark coin.

-Harrison, what will it be?

-Heads.

-Will it be... Heads?

You're going for heads? Which is lucky, because we've both got heads.

Will it be Sam's head, or Mark's head?

Oh.

-Mark's head, please.

-Mark's head.

-Here we go.

Ooh!

It's Sam's head!

Which means, Sam's team, you guys are going first.

If you'd like to get into position, please.

Now, your time will start as soon as Mark finishes asking the question.

Best of luck.

Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood are judges on which TV show?

The Great British Bake Off.

Correct.

You answered that in two seconds, which means two full turns.

Who's going to be doing it?

-Poppy.

-Off you go.

Best of luck.

One.

-Two.

-Ooh!

-OK.

-Safe.

-Please, change places.

OK.

Name three US states beginning with the letter M?

-Massachusetts.

-Yep.

Erm...

-Mississippi?

-Yep.

And...

-BUZZER

-Aw!

You only got two. You said Massachusetts and Mississippi.

You could've had, Maine, Maryland, Michigan,

Minnesota, Missouri, Montana.

But it is tough.

OK, which means, ten terrifying turns.

Who's doing it?

-Harrison? Good luck.

-Good lad, Good lad.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

-Six...

-Ah!

Seven!

Eight!

BOTH: Nine!

-Ten!

-Oh!

Whoo!

Well done. Please, swap places.

OK. Your next question is,

name five countries in Europe.

Spain.

-Portugal.

-France.

Italy.

-UK.

-Correct.

Well done, difficult one.

But you answered that in seven seconds.

Which means seven full turns.

Here we go, Poppy. Ha-ha!

Paul went, "Poppy..."

Best of luck, Poppy. Seven turns, here we go.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six!

-Seven!

-Oh!

Bwah, Poppy! LAUGHTER

Very harsh. OK, change places.

Right.

What is 12 + 9?

-21!

-Correct, Harrison!

That was quick, you answered that in one second.

Which means one full turn. Harrison, here we go.

-One.

-He's happy with it. See you later.

-Like a legend, just walking off, see you later!

-Confidence.

OK, Sam's family.

It's a tough one.

Name four James Bond movie titles?

Spectre.

Moonraker.

Spy Who Loved Me.

And...

-Tomorrow Never Dies.

-Yes!

You got there just before the ten terrifying turns.

It's nine. Nine turns.

OK, here we go, Poppy.

Best of luck. Nine turns.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five!

Six!

Seven!

Eight!

Boo!

A-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh, guys, so unlucky! How are you feeling?

-Great!

-LAUGHTER

Paul, you didn't get a lot of the splat there. Bless you!

But you're not going to be going home empty-handed, we are

going to be giving you this commemorative Smark coin set.

How does that sound, all right? CHEERING

Thank you so much, you've been absolutely awesome.

Give it up for Sam's family, everybody!

APPLAUSE See you later, guys!

Be careful, very slippy.

Well done. Harrison's family, come over here!

Well done! Well done!

You are home and dry,

which means you've won tonight's star prize - a games console!

CHEERING

Harrison! It's in a box and everything!

CHEERING

OK, well, give it up one more time for Harrison and his family!

APPLAUSE

That is it from this week's Big Friday Wind-Up.

A big thank you for watching, and thank you to our lovely audience!

Give yourselves a round of applause! APPLAUSE

But the Weekend Wind Down is just about to begin.

You lovely lot are all invited

to our exclusive after-show backstage party.

Yeah, we're hanging out with everyone we've surprised tonight.

Not forgetting our lovely celebrity guest, Naomi Wilkinson.

We've got games, gossip and behind-the-scenes extras.

-Do you think there'll be cake?

-There'd better be cake.

-Oh, I'm so excited! Come on, you.

-Come on!

Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah!

Come on, then, you. You over there.

-Get off!

-Stop it, you!

Stupid cameraman.

Anyway, we wound up the week.

It's now time to wind down for the weekend.

Welcome to our exclusive VIP Wind Down zone!

-All right!

-We're all here in the heart of Salford,

Everton football ground over there.

-That's Man United.

-Man United. Brilliant.

Hey, come over here because if you missed Big Friday Wind-Up earlier,

here it is in a 30-second recap.

-Here we go.

-Come on.

We started off shaken and stirred. Well, we definitely were shaken

-and stirred when we banged into each other.

-Yeah.

Harrison and Naomi Wilkinson rode a lion and a giraffe.

-Of course they did.

-Of course they did!

Naomi Wilkinson then swapped her shoes

and did a lovely little tap dance. Of course she did.

Sam's dad Paul went on trial for his terrible jokes.

Not my dad, my dad is Dave.

Harrison's family beat Sam's family in Splat in a Box.

Not my family, not my family.

And that's it, that is Wind-Up round-up in just 30 seconds.

Mark, sum that up with a completely new, unique word.

Scrontalfluff.

SAM LAUGHS

All right, families!

MARK YELLS

THEY CHEER

-Harrison, Sam and dad Paul, are you all right?

-Yeah.

-You got that stuff out of your ear, Paul?

-No.

-Eh? What was that?

Harrison, you won lots of prizes on today's Big Friday Wind-Up.

-Are you excited to play with them?

-Yeah.

-Excellent.

-Don't forget you got a games console in a box.

-Yeah.

-Give me some.

-Give me some.

-Beautiful.

We'll see you in a sec.

-Over here, we've got the lovely Naomi Wilkinson!

-Hello, hello!

Hi, Naomi!

Thanks for sticking around.

I wouldn't miss this VIP area for the world.

-It's nice, isn't it?

-It's very poosh!

-Very poosh!

-It is indeed!

Now you're here, because you work a lot with animals,

we thought we'd do an animal-based quiz.

It's a general knowledge quiz but the twist is

we want you to give each answer to the questions as a different animal.

-Understood?

-Obviously.

-Understood.

-I probably won't even know the...

-We play some fantastic games on this show.

Question one. You need to answer this as a sheep.

William Shakespeare is also known as the what of Avon?

The Bard... The Baaaa-rd!

-Yay! Good.

-Answer this as a cow.

What would you watch at the cinema?

Mooo-vies!

-Yeah!

-Answer this one is a dog.

What does Centre Court at Wimbledon have in case it rains?

A... A woof! Woof!

THEY LAUGH

You're far too good at this. Answer this as a horse.

Which long-running Australian soap opera features the Kennedy family?

Ne-e-eigh-bours!

-Yeah!

-Now we're cooking. Answer this as a frog.

What is the title of the first Harry Potter book?

-Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone...?

-Yeah.

How do I do that as a frog?

-You're doing it.

-Philosopher's...Stone!

Do you know the moral of this game? Never end it on the horse.

KLAXON BLOWS

-Should have ended on a high.

-That's so embarrassing. Thank you for that.

Well, at least we know she is actually the animal woman.

You are the animal woman of CBBC. Naomi Wilkinson, everyone!

CHEERING

Hey! We've got Georgia and Nickie over here.

-Come on, give me five, give me five.

-How you doing, ladies? All right?

-Yes, thank you.

-So, massive fans of Emmerdale.

-We are.

And a few months ago, if you weren't watching Big Friday Wind-Up earlier,

we Smarked you good and proper

with a lovely little treat on the set of Emmerdale.

-You thought that you... What's the word?

-Extras.

Extras, you thought you were extras, didn't you, on Emmerdale?

-Yeah.

-You weren't!

-Shall we have a look at what we got you to do?

-Yes, please.

-This one is one of my favourite ever things

that we have ever done. Have a look at this. This is brilliant.

Background, go!

Yeah. Knees, higher, please. Knees higher.

And action!

Carly! I need a word with you in private.

Stop, stop. Cut, cut. One more time with the knees, please.

You really needed to get back to that oven, didn't you?

Yeah. You can hear me go...

SHE PANTS

Bless you. We got you to pick up your knees

-and go as fast as you possibly can.

-Well, I say we...

It was the lovely Matthew Wolfenden from Emmerdale posing as a director.

Yeah, and we upped the ante, didn't we?

-We got you to say "rhubarb, rhubarb" because that's what extras do.

-Yeah.

Apparently that's what extras do.

-Shall we have a look and see how that looked?

-Yes.

-Let's have a look.

Go, background.

-BOTH:

-Rhubarb, rhubarb...

And action.

Carly! I need a word with you in private.

Not now, Vanessa, I'm busy.

-I think you'll be interested in what I've got to say.

-Rhubarb, rhubarb.

-What is it?

-Rhubarb.

-Cut.

And then, if that wasn't embarrassing enough,

we got you to all that, high knees, rhubarb, with some watermelons.

Take a look at this.

Go!

-Rhubarb...

-And action.

Carly, I need a word with you in private.

-Not now, Vanessa, I'm busy.

-Rhubarb.

-I think you'd be interested in what I've got to say.

-What?

-Rhubarb...

-You know what that says to me? Soap awards.

-Yeah! Best newcomers.

Absolutely. Brilliant. Best newcomers holding watermelons.

-Thank you, extras. Round of applause!

-Yay!

Now, over here, now, on Big Friday Wind-Up earlier, we found out

about Sam's dad Paul, who tells bad jokes, but I think he's pretty good.

I think he's really good.

I think he could have a potential future career as a comedian, Sam.

-Do you not agree?

-I don't agree.

Well, we're going to find out, because we're going to play a game

where we generate jokes for your dad to actually say

and do in his own unique way.

Yeah, here's how it's going to work.

I'm going to set up the joke and then you three take a word each.

To finish the joke, we're then going to send all three jokes over

to Paul, who will be over there and... Where are you, Paul?

-Here.

-There you are!

-Paul, you need to finish them with a good punch line, OK?

-Best of luck.

I think we've stitched you up right proper here.

OK, here we go, so a word each to finish this joke. Here we go.

Right, I'll start it off. What do you call a...

-Penguin...

-Going...

-On...

-Holiday...

-With...

-A...

Fish.

What do you call a penguin going on holiday with a fish?

Paul, start thinking of a punch line.

Don't tell us just yet, don't tell us just yet.

Here comes the next one.

Why did the...

-Mongoose...

-Animals!

-Carry...

-A...

-Egg. That will do.

-OK.

Why did the mongoose carry an egg?

Think of a punch line, Paul.

-We've got one more. Look at his face!

-It's original material.

Yeah, you could be taking this out on tour next week, mate.

Last one, here we go.

How many...

-Light bulbs... Does...

-It...

Make...

To...

Power...

Power.

Life.

How many light bulbs does it "make" to power life?

-Think of a punch line, OK?

-Sorry, Paul.

We're now going to go over to a brand-new comedian,

ladies and gentlemen. He is new to the circuit.

-I think he's going to be huge.

-I don't think he is.

It's Paul, everyone!

CHEERING

'Ladies and gentlemen, give it up and whoop like Americans for Paul!'

What do you call a penguin going on holiday with a fish?

A very happy if slightly smelly chocolate biscuit.

CHEERING

Why did the mongoose carry an egg?

Because its pockets were full of spanners.

CHEERING

He's quite good, actually.

And how many light bulbs does it make to power life?

-Seven!

-Hey!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That... That worked so much better than we thought it was going to.

Yeah, and do you know what your prize is, Sam?

Do you know what your prize is for taking that? An egg.

-Thank you so much.

-Enjoy it.

-I will.

Hey! Look at this!

HE MAKES A RIPPING NOISE

-I didn't rip it, I didn't rip it!

-You and Paul should go on tour!

Hey, now time for this.

-So, playing this game we have the lovely Naomi Wilkinson.

-Hiya.

Hiya. And we have Evie and Molly.

Before Big Friday Wind-Up, we asked our audience members

which celebrity members they looked like, didn't we?

Yes, we did, we asked them, and now you have to tell us

-which celebrity you think they look like. OK?

-Ready.

Shall we go to our first audience member? Let's have a look.

I'm often told I look like...

-OK.

-It's a tough one, that.

Who do you think?

Oh, Naomi is already going for it.

OK, Evie, what are you going for?

-Gary Barlow.

-Oh, good one.

-All right, Naomi, what are you going for?

-Another Gary, but Gary Lineker.

-OK.

-The two Garys. Let's see which one is right, if any.

I'm often told I look like Gary Barlow.

CHEERING

-Good!

-I would have said a mixture of the two.

-Yeah, that's true.

I want to give both of you a point. We won't, though.

OK, let's go to our second audience member, please.

I'm often told I look like...

Oh, I think I know this one.

She looked like Anne Boleyn.

Yeah, that's good.

-Getting help?

-Yeah, getting a little bit of help.

Right, have we got an answer, Evie?

Yeah, Sarah Millican.

-Oh!

-Yeah, yeah, that's the one. That's what I thought.