Bars and Melody Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

What's wrong with him? What's wrong with her?

And what on earth has this boy been up to?

They must be worried - because on this show, no-one is safe.

It's Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up!

APPLAUSE

Welcome to the show that's winding up the world.

From Studio Two in Salford, it's Big Friday Wind-Up.

My name's Erin and I've been here since series one.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Sam and Mark!

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT THEME MUSIC

-BOTH:

-Welcome to the weekend.

-I'm...

CHEERING

I'm Sam and I think I'm a good cook.

I'm Mark and I pull silly faces.

Oi! What do you two think you're doing? Hop it! Get out of here!

-BOTH:

-We're hungry!

Fine, here's your sausage! Fetch!

-Deary me!

-Unbelievable. Pull silly faces, indeed!

I've never been so insulted in all my days. Eh!

LAUGHTER

Anyway, have we got a show for you!

Very soon, we will have our creepiest surprise yet.

Ooh!

Yes! We'll be turning the tables on someone

when we put their Parent On Trial.

Hah!

And find out what happened when we took our hidden cameras

-to Watford for a game of In Yer House.

-Eurgh!

I want you to open your bag and get out the umbrella.

-What's that noise?

-HE WHISPERS: Oh!

It's a good one - very good one.

And on top of ALL that we'll be putting Lauren Layfield on

-the Wind-Up Wheel.

-Yeah!

Love her, love her.

But right now, remember - on this show, no-one is safe!

That's right, we know everything about every single one of you.

For example...

Colin, we know that you can cross one eye.

I've no idea what this means, but let's see it anyway.

Let's see it!

LAUGHTER

Good! One eye sees straight, the other goes cross - crazy!

Ruby, Kayleen, May, Astrid and Heidi -

your favourite singers are Bars and Melody?

SINGING

Wait a minute! Where's that beautiful singing coming from?

It couldn't be...? Could it?!

# Please help me God, I feel so alone

# I'm just a kid I can't take it on my own

# I've cried so many tears, yeah, writing this song

# Trying to fit in - where do I belong?

# I wake up every day Don't want to leave my home

# My momma's askin' me why I'm always alone

# Too scared to say Too scared to holler

# I'm walking to school with sweat around my collar. #

Yeah, Bars and Melody!

APPLAUSE

Nice one, lads.

It's now time to meet our next celebrity guest.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Peter Pockets!

FEEBLE APPLAUSE

Come on, Peter. Don't be shy.

Don't be shy, Peter Pockets.

Don't be shy!

Come here, Peter.

Come here.

Come here, Peter!

Come on, Peter!

Bring yourself over here.

All right, Pete? How's it going, mate?

That's very odd. Now, Peter Pocket has a

very special connection to a member of our studio audience, but who?

Mark, I think we should take a

look inside Peter's pockets to see if there are any clues.

Let's have a look. What have we got? We have got...

-..bottle tops.

-Ooh!

-A hanky.

-Ooh!

-And a tin of tuna?

It's a bit cryptic, that.

It is a bit cryptic. I wonder what's inside this pocket?

Well, we've got a union flag. There we go.

What else have we got?

We've got... Oh, this is nice! We've got a picture of Peter Pocket

with you, Lauren. Ooh!

Lauren, stay where you are. We're coming to you!

-Oh, hello!

-Hey, Lauren!

-How are you doing? You all right?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

Now, Lauren. Tell us what on earth is Peter Pocket?

Well, when I was on summer holidays a few years ago,

My aunt came round and so did my friend and we did like a sort

of spin on Britain's Got Talent and then she made Peter Pockets.

It was a ventriloquist sort of act.

And she came up and she...

We were all in the kitchen and she came out of the toilet,

going "Hello, everyone!"

And a star was born.

Wow, wow! And where does Peter Pocket live?

-In the kitchen!

-The kitchen!

Why is he called Peter Pocket?

Because... Because um, my auntie,

she stuffed loads of weird things in its pockets.

-Has Peter Pocket got a pet?

-Yeah.

I'm not making it up, I promise you I'm not making this up.

-Hasn't he got a pet cat?

-Yeah.

-What's the pet cat called?

-Pickles.

Pickles!

Hang on, you mean...THIS Pickles?

-This all sounds incredibly weird.

-It massively does!

But it is about to get weirder if possible.

Come with us as we play

Pick A Pickled Prize From Peter Pocket's Pre-eminent Pocket!

Excellent.

Welcome to the game that rewards stealth and strategy.

Now as a bloke called Gollum once said,

"What has he got in his pocketses, Precious?"

Well, seeing as you asked so nicely, sweetheart, I'll tell you.

Inside Peter's pocketses is a pickled prize.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Yes, audience - you're right to "Oooh!"

Lauren, we want you to pick the pickled prize

out of Peter's pre-eminent pocket.

It's easy for me to say.

That's the one on the left with the nice stitching.

-It is indeed, it is indeed.

-All right?

But there is an issue.

-It's Peter's nap time.

-Oh, no.

So, sh!

Because you need to pick the prize

out of the pre-eminent pocket without waking him.

-That's the twist.

-Lauren, you've got three lives.

And remember, you can't make a sound or any sudden movements.

Do you understand?

-Yeah.

-OK, silence, guys. Here we go. Best of luck. OK.

It's time to pick that pickled prize

from Peter Pocket's pre-eminent pocket.

Well done. Off you go.

Oh!

Oooh! Ah!

SNORING

Snoring, snoring! He's still asleep!

Oh, quiet!

Oh, no!

-Oh, not the percussion of dreams!

-Oh, no!

This can only go badly. Don't knock it! Don't knock it.

-Doing well, doing well.

-Come on, you can do it.

Come on. Come on.

Unlucky. OK, you've got two lives left. Come on back over.

Come back over. Two lives left.

-Peter, back to sleep.

-Back to sleep, Peter.

Quiet in the audience. Sh!

-Go to sleep.

-Quiet.

-Sleepy time.

-Sleepy time.

-And he's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone.

OK. Go.

Sh!

THEY WHISPER

Hah!

Maybe you should crawl under it.

-I think you should crawl under it.

-Yeah!

LAUGHTER

Be quiet! Be quiet. Crawl under.

Get your head down! Get it down.

-Well done, well done.

-Go back.

-Quiet!

Quiet, quiet! Aaaah!

-Ooh, she's doing well!

-Well done.

QUIET LAUGHTER

Well done! Keep going!

Sh! Don't wake him. Well done.

Well done, well done!

Oh, oh, oh!

So close, so close! Aw!

Thought you'd got it when you went underneath there. Sleep time!

-Sleepy time!

-Sleepy time!

-Sleepy time, Peter Pocket!

OK, you did well there. Pick that pocket. Go!

-Oh!

-Sh.

-Eeee!

-Sh.

Go over the top this time. Over the top.

Sh!

SNORING

Ooh!

Ooh!

Sh!

Really quiet, really quiet!

You're doing well, doing really well.

Come on.

Get ready.

SNORING

OK. Quiet, quiet.

Sh, sh, sh!

Go, go!

BOTH: Yeah!

CHEERING

Brilliant!

Well done, Lauren! You won the pickle prize.

Mark, what does it say on that label?

It says, "Congratulations,

"you've won a gherkin with a star attached to it!"

CHEERING

Oh, actually, you haven't won that. You've just won the gherkin.

-We need the star back.

-We do need the star back.

-No, We're only kidding!

-We're only kidding!

Why don't you go over there

and check out Peter's less eminent pocket?

Go on, go and have a look.

-What's in there?

-What have we got?

It's an instant camera!

CHEERING

So now you can take loads of selfies of you and Peter!

-Crazy! What do you think of that? Happy?

-Yeah.

-Fantastic.

-Nice work.

Oh, Lauren, you've been a fantastic contestant, you really, really have,

but it doesn't end there because you and Peter will be spending

the rest of the show in the VIP Wind-Down Zone.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

And also, you will be playing our endgame a little bit later on,

-so you might win some more prizes. How does that sound?

-Great.

-Awesome!

Well, please give it up - she's been absolutely fantastic -

for Lauren, and of course, we can cheer him now, it's Peter Pocket!

CHEERING

Hello. I'm Celebrity MasterChef winner Kimberley Wyatt.

Now, I didn't need to say that, but I know it annoys Sam.

You should watch him and Mark on Big Friday Wind-Up.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight on the Wind-Up Wheel, Miss Lauren Layfield!

CHEERING

-How are you doing, Lauren?

-Erm, bit nervous!

Don't be nervous!

Yeah, be a little bit nervous.

-Now, here on Wind-Up, we like to mix things up a bit.

-Yeah.

Which is why we're taking the comfortable old celebrity

interview and turning it into a world of pain.

THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY

Seriously, though, Lauren, how are you feeling? Are you all right?

Yep, fine.

-Hey, we're loving your new show, Dengineers.

-Are you?

-You enjoying it?

-It's really good!

-It's cool, isn't it?

-Building dens and that.

-Building dens. That's just what I do, innit?

What's Mark Wright like?

-Mark Wright is a lovely chap.

-He's a dreamboat!

-He's a dreamboat!

-He really is!

Don't tell me he's nice as well as good looking?

I hate him even more now. OK, let's tell you how this thing works.

We'll be spinning Lauren around until she's dizzy.

If she lands on Truth, we'll ask her

a high-brow, intellectual question. Maybe.

But if she lands on Wind-Up, we'll give her a forfeit

and it could be literally anything.

How are you feeling now, Lauren?

I mean, great now. Yeah, you've really put my mind at rest, guys.

Good. Excellent. If you're going to

-be sick, we've got this bucket for you.

-Yeah, we have.

You can always throw up in that.

I like that you've really decorated it for me, there.

Yeah, well, no expense spared. OK, let's get started and...

Wind up the wheel!

Argh! Oh, no!

Oh... OK, I feel queasy.

Stop the wheel!

-Blurgh.

-Truth. Interesting.

I really am really dizzy now, can I just say?

A number between one and ten please.

What number should I go for?

ALL SHOUT

-Three. Three.

-Number three.

-Here we go.

-I heard 12.

What's in your pockets, all of them, right now?

Nothing! Anti-climactic. Nothing.

That's the wrong answer.

What are you doing?

There's loads of stuff in your pockets. That's the answer.

What, really? Oh...

Wind up the wheel!

Whoo!

Oh! Oh, no!

Oh, stop!

Stop the wheel!

Stop the wheel.

-Wind-Up.

-Wind-Up!

-OK. Lauren...

-You're really feeling sick, aren't you?

-Yeah.

A number between one and ten.

-Er, four.

-Four. That's my third favourite number.

-Brilliant.

Lauren, go and rub a bald man's head.

Go!

Find someone! Find a bald man!

Come here, bald man.

Come on. Let's have a go of this. Aw!

It's a really nice texture, that.

CHEERING

-Lauren, you can stop rubbing now.

-Oh, sorry. Sorry.

And thank you, bald man.

Sit yourself down, lass. Sit yourself down.

-You were having a great time there, weren't you?

-What's that?

All right.

OK. Three, two, one. Wind up the wheel!

-Ugh! Oh, dear!

-Here we go.

Oh, it's getting faster!

And stop the wheel!

Where's she going to land? Interesting.

Choose a number between one and ten.

Er, I'll have...number two, number two!

Oh, no. Not that.

That's the worst.

What's your favourite thing to order if you're eating out?

My favourite thing to order is...

spaghetti.

-No, that's wrong.

-Wrong answer.

What is it?

-It's macaroni cheese.

-Oh, I knew that as well!

-So close.

-Well, you should have known it, it's your life, Lauren.

-Yeah, I know.

It was close. It was a pasta dish, but no.

-You can't win on here, can you?

-Well, Lauren, thank you very much.

How are you feeling after that?

Sick. Sick as a pig.

-Well, I tell you what, take this and be on your way.

-Go on my way.

-Thanks. See you.

-Come down to the Wind-Down Zone.

-We'll see you there later.

-See you.

It's time to meet some more of our friends. It's Mia and Emily.

CHEERING

All right, girls? How you doing? There they are.

-Are you enjoying the show?

-Yeah.

-Excellent.

-Fantastic stuff.

Now, not so long ago,

we took our hidden cameras over to Mia's house for a version of extreme

hide-and-seek, and your parents knew all about it, didn't they, Mia?

-Yeah.

-OK, Mia, do the honours, please, down camera number four.

That camera there.

Run VT!

You are entering the world of In Yer House, an elite,

undercover task force charged with winding up the nation.

As an In Yer House agent, your objective is to go undercover

in viewers' homes and complete a series of highly skilled challenges.

Agent Rhodes, you will be manning mission control, Agent Nixon,

your accomplice is waiting for you at today's location.

You must both proceed there immediately,

and remember - don't get caught.

This is your assignment. Please listen carefully.

This is the target's house.

Agent Nixon, you'll be hiding here, in the bedroom.

This is today's target, Mia, Agent Emily's friend.

And this is a picture of a monkey.

It has no bearing on today's mission.

This is your survival kit, Agent Nixon.

-Please do not open this until I say so.

-OK.

Agent Emily, do you think you can

keep Agent Nixon secret from the target?

-Yes, definitely.

-Fantastic. Agent Nixon, how are you feeling?

Little under the weather, to be honest.

-I've got a bit of a cold, so...

-I meant about the mission.

Oh, about the mission? Yeah, fine about the mission, yeah, yeah. Easy.

-OK. Best of luck to both of you.

-Let's do this!

-Grr.

-Get out my sight.

-OK.

OK, good luck, Agent Nixon, target is in the area.

In Yer House is a go.

'Go, go, go, go, go, go!'

They're coming.

It's all mine. You can't have it.

Mission one, Sam on the bed. There is a number of cuddly toys.

I want you to place one of those toys on the shelf to the left.

Good one. You've got to name it.

Paul.

OK.

Paul.

Right, I'll leave you to it.

OK.

Put the bear on the side shelf.

-Do you like that show?

-So close...

He's done it, he's done it!

Well done, Sam. Mission one complete.

OK, mission two.

I want you to open your bag and get out the umbrella.

And you need to open it without being noticed.

Come on, Sam. You can do it.

UMBRELLA CLICKS

What's that noise?

(Sam, be careful, be careful.)

Well done. You've done mission two. I don't know how but you've done it.

Well done.

Mission three is really difficult.

To succeed in your next mission, you have to do the Macarena

whilst quietly humming the tune.

Do the Macarena. I know it's your favourite dance.

HE HUMS THE MACARENA

MUSIC PLAYS: Macarena by Los Del Rio

He's done it! He's done it! Well done, Sam.

You've done mission three. Unbelievable. Well done.

But now you must relocate.

You need to carefully head downstairs

'and hide behind the curtain in the living room.'

Hurry up.

'Dad's helping you out. He's moving the girls downstairs.'

OK, come on, come on. You've got to do it!

Please, hurry, hurry, hurry. The girls are on their way.

Come on, come on. Sam, you have not got long to get there.

They're in the kitchen.

You need to get yourself down there, now, now, now!

Right, well done, mate. You're in position.

I can reveal your next mission...

SAM COUGHS

Oh, no, he's coughing. That's not good, that's not good.

Now, you've not come face-to-face with Mia just yet

but in case you do, I want to make sure that your breath is nice.

'Cos you don't want stinky breath.

'In your bag is everything you need to brush your teeth.

'You've got the brush. Well done.'

Brush your teeth, brush your teeth. Come on.

He's doing it! He's doing it!

How's she not getting him?

'OK, you not only need to brush your teeth, you need to gargle as well.

'Gargle it good.'

I don't know what you're going to do when you've gargled it.

HE GARGLES

HE GARGLES

'Well done, Agent Nixon. You've done it.'

This is your final mission

and you'll need nerves of steel here, I'm telling you.

Remove your final item from your survival kit.

Now, what I want you to do is get the hoop from one end to the other

without triggering the game alarm.

'If you fail to complete this challenge,

'you've failed In Yer House.

'And you're going to get caught anyway,'

cos it's going to make a right noise.

GAME BUZZER

GAME BUZZER

Stop making the noise!

GAME BUZZER

You're the worst player ever at this game!

How's she not getting him? How's she not getting him?

He's done it! He's done it! Well done, well done.

Well done, Nixon. You've completed all of the missions.

You need to get out of there. You need to get out of there quick.

She's going. She's going in the kitchen. She's going in the kitchen.

Get out the house, get out the house!

Go, go, go! You're doing really well!

Yes! Come here. Come here.

-I am tremendous at this game.

-I'm impressed.

-I'm so much better than you.

-Shut up.

I managed to brush me teeth as well.

It's good that! Argh!

-I suppose we should go in there and show our faces?

-Let's do it!

Come on!

All right, girls? How you doing?

LAUGHTER

-How you doing, Mia?

-All right?

I'm Mark, and you're on Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

We've been playing a little game called In Yer House.

Now, since you got home from school, I have been hiding in your house.

You know when you went upstairs, you two went upstairs, and you

were sat on the bottom of your bed? I was actually on the top bunk.

In your bed!

I can't believe you didn't know I was there! I was so close.

Couldn't believe it.

I was petrified cos I could hear you so close to me.

I'm surprised you could fit in there with the amount of toys I've

-got up there!

-That's true, there are a lot of toys.

-There was, yes.

Nice work. So did I get you? Did I get you good?

-Yeah!

-Well done. Well done.

-High five.

-Well done, Agent Emily.

All right. Job's a good 'un. You are very good at this game.

Back to us in the studio.

CHEERING

-Aw, look at his smug face.

-Oh, yeah!

I might be bad at a buzz wire game, but I am fantastic at In Yer House.

Yeah, yeah.

Watching that, Mia, even you said, when I was doing the buzz game,

you said, "How did I not recognise that you were behind there?"

The whole room was lit up red! Crazy.

Anyway, girls, you have been absolutely fantastic sports

and you're not going to be going home empty-handed.

No, you're not. We are giving you

these fantastic in-yer-house spy pens.

And because you went through all five challenges

thanks to the help of Agent Emily, thank you ever so much,

we're also going to give you some spy watches as well.

You do need to collect those from the Wind-Down Zone

and that's where you'll be spending the rest of the show,

-which is VIP, baby! That sound all right?

-Yeah.

Fantastic. Give it up one more time for Mia and Emily.

-See you down there!

-See you down there!

-Take your bag.

-Take your bag.

-Take your bag.

Set up camp there. Set up camp. Lovely.

Right, here's what else is coming up on Big Friday Wind-Up.

I put Mark in a giant bag.

It's crankity-crank in Splat In The Box.

And join us for even more in the Weekend Wind-Down.

Please rise for His Worship, Lord Justice Burns.

Madam, madam,

I find you guilty.

Guilty

of stealing my heart.

And now you've stolen my flowers.

Security, take her away!

And the hot-shot parent prosecutor, Samuel Davina Nixon QC.

It's time to find out whose parents

are guilty of criminally embarrassing behaviour.

Got my mic, ain't I?

I'll tell you who's embarrassing.

You, Kevin!

All right, Kev?

I was till a moment ago, yeah.

-I hear you like rugby.

-Yes, that's right.

-Yeah, you once went to a rugby match, didn't you?

-I did.

-30,000 people there.

-Yep.

-Half-time...

-Yes.

-You get up...

-Yes.

And what do you do?

-I slipped.

-Slipped taking a penalty.

-Yes.

That is embarrassing for everybody there.

-30,000 people!

-It was slippy.

-Oh, it was slippy, was it?

-Raining.

Were all the rugby players saying, "It's slippy! I can't play today!"

How do you find the defendant?

Guilty. Apologise.

-Is this your daughter here?

-It is.

-What's your name?

-Bethany.

-Bethany, was that embarrassing for you as well?

-Very.

Very embarrassing. Apologise to your daughter.

-Do I have to?

-Yes.

I'm sorry, Bethany.

Now apologise to the world.

-It was slippy but I'm sorry.

-Oh!

These aren't real crimes.

I need to get my dentures into something juicy.

Well, don't you worry, Your Worship,

because it's time to call today's star witness.

And today's star witness...

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Is you, Phoebe!

Phoebe,

please join us in the Wind-Up courtroom for Parents On Trial!

Come on, Phoebe!

Order! Order!

Phoebe, have you any idea why you're standing before this court today?

No, not really.

Well, perhaps this sound file will jog your memory.

Please play exhibit A.

WOMAN LAUGHS

Phoebe, whose laugh might that be?

My mum's?

And how would you describe your mum's laugh?

Erm...

It's a laugh.

It's a laugh, yes. It is indeed a laugh.

Yes, well, maybe we should play it a few more times for good measure.

See if it's still a laugh.

WOMAN LAUGHS

WOMAN LAUGHS

WOMAN LAUGHS

But, Phoebe, we aren't here to talk about your mother Holly's laugh.

Oh, no.

We're here to talk about her emerging musical career.

Mr Bars, please bring out exhibit B.

Phoebe, what does this mean?

When I was younger, my mum used to...

She was on the school PTA and she used to run the school discos

and it was really embarrassing

because when she was playing the music,

she used to dance along to it.

Thank you, Mr Bars. You may go. Thank you.

I hear your mother uses a lot of the modern-day youth language.

Can you give us a few examples of this?

She pretends to be down with the kids.

She does the movements. That's very bad.

-This movement?

-This movement.

As well as "down with the kids".

Down with the kids.

Chimpy, are you down with the kids?

-Chimpy's down with the kids.

-Order!

Phoebe, we hear that you once said your worst nightmare

would be to see your mum dressed as a DJ

doing a set in front of your friends. Is this right?

-Yeah.

-Oh, dear.

Phoebe's mum Holly, what do you have to say for yourself?

MUSIC: We Like To Party by Vengaboys

DJ Holly is in the house!

I say Friday!

You say Friday!

It's Friday!

MUSIC: Superman by Black Lace

Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah!

MUSIC: Macarena by Los del Rio

Interesting, interesting.

Phoebe, what do you make of all of that?

-Thanks a lot, Mum(!)

-Oh, thank you, Mother!

Well, it isn't your worst nightmare, though,

because you said that YOUR worst nightmare

would be your mum dressed as a DJ doing a DJ set

in front of your friends

but your friends aren't here.

It's still the same. It's just the same reaction.

-But it would be worse if your friends were here?

-Yes.

Interesting.

Well, let's see if they are here. Oh, yes, they are.

Bring out the defendant's accomplices,

Amelie, Florence and Molly!

MUSIC: Boom Boom Boom by Outhere Brothers

# Let me hear you say wayo... #

Wayo!

# Boom boom boom Let me hear you say wayo... #

Say wayo.

Wayo.

# Boom boom boom Let me hear you say wayo... #

-Wayo!

-Hey!

# Boom boom boom Let me hear you say wayo... #

Wayo!

Let's hear it for Holly, Amelie, Florence and Molly!

Well, it's time to reach a verdict.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

Oh, it's unanimous.

Phoebe's mum Holly, you've been found guilty

of criminally embarrassing behaviour, therefore I sentence you

to the next 20 minutes scratching a dart player's back.

Put her behind bars, Melody.

Take her away.

You're not "down with the kids" now, are you?

-Scratch his back real nice.

-Scratch his back.

Scratch it! There you go.

Justice has been served here today

but, Phoebe, I think you deserve a reward for testifying

so we're going to give you a brand-new tablet!

How does that sound?

-Really good!

-Oh, excellent, and that's not all,

because pretty soon you and your family

are going to be going up against Lauren and her family

in tonight's grand finale, so you might win some more prizes.

Awesome stuff.

Go and join those guys right now in the Wind-Down VIP Zone.

We'll see you a little bit later on.

Please give it up for Phoebe, everyone!

APPLAUSE

See you later, Phoebe!

Hi. We are Tom and Dougie from McBusted.

We never miss our favourite show.

Yeah, what's it called again?

Stan & Mike's Large Thursday Mess-Up or something?

Whatever it is, we never miss it.

Something like that.

Is everyone enjoying the show?

CHEERING

Well, seeing as everyone's happy, it's time to play a game

that we like to call Fight Your Way Out Of A Paper Bag.

Come over here.

I like this bit because you always move me around.

Hey, that's what'll happen in old age, mate.

I'll be helping you around, me and you together

for ever and ever and ever.

Anyway, this is something Mark's always been told

that he could never do. Mark, can you prove everybody wrong tonight?

Can you fight your way out of a paper bag?

Yeah, get off me!

Anybody out there who thinks I can't do this, you're wrong.

Hey, they don't call me Mark for nothing.

Good trash talk.

It's time to find out which member of our studio audience

you'll be facing.

It's Amy from West Sussex!

Come on down, Amy!

APPLAUSE

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here, Amy.

Woohoo!

Amy, tell me, why do you think YOU can beat Mark?

Cos Mark talks the talk but I walk the walk.

Oh! You're so right, you know. You are so right.

-Mark, anything to add?

-No.

LAUGHTER

OK, well, the aim of this game is very, very simple.

Mark, as discussed, you are so weedy

you can't even fight your way out of a paper bag, or could you?

-I can and I will!

-Oh, I like it.

Whoo! WHOO!

LAUGHTER

Well, we'll be putting each of you inside one of these paper bags.

Now, whoever fights their way out of it first will be tonight's winner.

-Understood?

-Yeah.

-Understood?

-Understood-a-dente!

-Beautiful.

But, as always, we are going to be adding an extra level of difficulty,

so please welcome back the lovely Lauren Layfield!

APPLAUSE

Come here, you. Come here, you.

-How you doing? You all right?

-It's not easy, is it?

-It's not easy.

Yes, Lauren and I will be tying up your arms and your legs

so if you'd like to tie up over there and I'll tie up over here.

Arms behind your back, please. Here we go.

Oh, you could have took your watch off.

It's like Parents On Trial again.

-Is that all right? Feet together, please.

-Aw, you're joking.

-Here we go.

-It's not what I signed up for, this.

-How we doing over there, Lauren?

-How's that?

-All right.

-Good.

Ooh, you've got very thin ankles.

I could have wrapped that round thrice.

Anyway, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-It's time to get into those bags.

-Lauren, if you'd like to do that bag, I'll do this one.

-OK.

Mark, if you just bend your head into that.

-Now this is a bag for life, isn't it?

-Here we go, yeah.

These are big, aren't they?

-There you go.

-Oh, this is really hard.

-Yeah, nice look.

You all right?

-All the way down, all the way down.

-See you later.

-There we go.

-It's a lot of shopping in there.

-It is a lot of shopping.

Right, OK, Lauren, I think we should step back.

Best of luck. Don't forget, the first one to fight their way out -

and you need to be completely away from the bag and stood up - wins.

The first one to do it. Best of luck. Here we go.

-Fight your way out of that paper bag! Go!

-Go! Go-go-go!

CHEERING

Come on!

Go on, Amy. Mind your head, mind your head!

-Yes!

-Yes!

KLAXON SOUNDS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Nice work, Amy.

You all right, Mark?

I thought I was going to win that one!

Well, Amy, congratulations. That means you are today's champion.

Lauren, would you like to do the honours and present it?

Congratulations, Amy, yeah!

APPLAUSE

You have just won the I Beat Mark trophy.

Any danger of a bit of help here?

Any danger?

Do you need a hand, mate?

Get up, get up, get up.

You all right? Here we go.

Ah, there we go, there we go.

Lovely, lovely. Excellent stuff.

-Congratulations, Amy. How are you feeling?

-Tired.

-She's tired.

-How are you feeling, Mark?

-Oh, I didn't like this game.

LAUGHTER

Like Mark said, take these bags back to the supermarket,

they'll give you another one.

Bag for life, mate, bag for life, brilliant.

Amy, you and I need to go

and make yourself comfy down in the Wind-Down Zone.

We should take yours off actually. Lauren will take that off for you.

You go spend the rest of the show in the Wind-Down Zone

and we'll see you a bit later on.

Please give it up for Lauren and Amy, everyone!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm Peter Andre

and Sam and Mark are the most mysterious girls I've ever met.

Watch them on Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to the most spine-chilling game on TV.

-It's got him.

-It's got him.

But, most of all,

it's got a big box with lots of horrible slimy stuff inside!

THUNDERCLAP

GHOULISH LAUGHTER

Let's welcome back our star players.

-Lauren's team.

-And Phoebe's team.

APPLAUSE

OK, Lauren, please introduce your team.

This is my friend, Alice, my mum, Anika and my dad, Mike.

Lovely to have you here, guys. Phoebe, please introduce your team.

-This is my sister, Layla, my dad, James and my mum, Polly.

-Excellent.

-Down with the kids.

-This is a game of chance.

-And skill!

-Each team will take turns to step up to...

BOTH: The Box Of Horrors!!!

THUNDERCLAP

Once there, you guys will have just ten seconds to answer

a general knowledge question.

But be quick because the longer it takes you to answer,

the more times you'll have wind up the crank.

For example, if you take three seconds to answer,

that means three full turns.

Don't get one wrong... No, no, no, no, no.

..because if you do, we have a Triple-T situation on our hands.

Mark, just jog my memory again - what is a Triple-T situation?

I'll tell you, Sam.

It's where a team must wind up the crank a maximum

TEN TERRIFYING TURNS!

HE JABBERS INCOHERENTLY

Nobody in the studio will know how many turns will make the box open.

But when it does, one team is going to get messier than

Lionel Messi when he gets in a right old messy mess!

LAUGHTER

And the other team wins the game.

Which means that you'll go home with tonight's star prize -

a games console!

AUDIENCE CHEERS

OK, for our viewers at home,

time to find out how many turns will open the box tonight

and, if you don't want to know, close your eyes around about now.

Now, to decide who goes first, Sam here has a genuine one Smark coin.

Phoebe, what will it be? Will it be Sam's or Mark's?

-Mark's.

-You're going for Mark's. Good luck.

You can't look.

-Sam's!

-Ooh, OK.

Which means that you guys are going first.

If you'd like to get into position, please.

Now, your time will start after Mark finishes asking you

the first question.

Best of luck to both teams.

Which singer has had hits with Love Me Like You Do, I Got You On My Mind

and Lights?

Go for it, go for it! Go on, girls.

-Er!

-Come on.

Oh!

Katy Perry? I don't know.

It's not Katy Perry, I'm afraid.

-It's Ellie Goulding.

-Ellie Goulding, of course.

-Of course it is. Ten terrifying turns.

-Oh, no, here we go.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Oh!

Safe, OK. Please swap positions.

Not a great start, that.

Giving your answer in centimetres,

what is one metre plus ten millimetres?

-101.

-Correct.

Hold your horses.

I like the enthusiasm. I like that.

You answered that in five seconds, which means five full turns.

If you'd like to step up. Here we go.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

-Five!

-Safe.

OK, 15 full turns so far.

Well done. Please swap positions.

-Which musical includes characters Glinda and Elphaba...

-Wicked.

-I'm sorry, you answered before...

-Too quick!

-..I said the question,

which means ten terrifying turns.

I could've been really nice and said, "No, no, you're all right,"

but I'm not!

Ten turns.

You've got to learn.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Oh, man!

Please swap positions.

That is a lot of turns.

OK, remember, I have to finish the question.

Spell psychiatrist.

-P-H-Y...

-No!

It's really wrong.

-So wrong.

-No!

Wait there one second.

-One letter?

-Yeah.

Unfortunately, that means ten terrifying turns.

-The best of luck.

-I'm the first one to get gunged.

-One.

-One.

BOTH: Two.

Three.

Four.

Five. Come on, you can do this!

Six!

Seven!

Ha-ha ha-ha ha!

Oh, that is so unlucky.

Dad, you got it right in t'neck, there. Right in t'neck.

-Neck gunge! A-ha!

-How are you feeling?

-Wet.

-Horrible.

Aww!

Well, guys, you're not going to be going home empty-handed.

We are going to give you some commemorative Smark coin sets.

-They're lovely. How does that sound?

-Fabulous.

-Brilliant.

-Still down with the kids?

Down with the kids.

CHEERING

Off you go. Give it up, everyone.

APPLAUSE

Round of applause for Phoebe's family!

But Lauren's family, come over here!

Yay!

Well done. Come over here, gang.

Come over this side. You don't want to stand over there.

Well done! You're high and dry,

which means you've won tonight's star prize - a games console!

CHEERING

-You happy about that?

-Yeah.

-Fantastic! Pretty good day for you.

-Not half.

-Give it up for both teams, they've been fantastic.

Give it up for Lauren's team, everyone.

We'll see you in the Wind-Down Zone. We'll see you soon.

Deary me.

That is it from this week's Big Friday Wind-Up.

A big thank-you to you guys, lovely audience -

give yourselves a round of applause.

But the Weekend Wind-Down is just about to begin.

-Come with me.

-Careful, careful.

It's very slippy, that side.

You now are all invited to our exclusive aftershow party.

We're hanging out with everyone we've surprised tonight.

And our special guest Lauren Layfield will be there.

We've got games, gossip, and behind-the-scenes extras.

So you, you silly - come join us, please!

-It's fun!

-Come on!

Don't run...

CHEERING

Wahey!

Yeah!

Hey, you two! Not again!

-Clear off!

-Get out of it!

BOTH: Wahey!

-All right? How you doing?

-We wound up the week...

And now it's time to wind down for the weekend.

Welcome to our very exclusive VIP Wind-Down Zone.

Do you like it?

Look over here. It's only Bars and Melody!

CHEERING

-Lovely.

-Love this place. Leeds United football ground over there.

No, Man United.

All right. Now, if you didn't watch Big Friday Wind-Up,

-here it is in a 30-second Wind-Up scenario.

-Here we go!

So, first up, the show was gate-crashed by those two -

-little Sam and Mark over there. They were really good, actually.

-Yeah.

We made Lauren's nightmares come true when we played

Pick A Pickled Price From Peter Pocket's Pre-eminent Pockets.

And here he is!

Lauren Layfield, she buffed a bald man's head, of course.

Phoebe's mum, DJ Holly, proved she isn't down with the kids

in Parents On Trial.

Mark proved that he definitely can't smash his way out of a paper bag.

All right, calm down. And Lauren's family

beat Phoebe's family in Splat In A Box.

-That is Wind-Up Round-Up in just 30 seconds. Mark!

-Watch your head!

Are you going to do it? Argh!

THUMP

OK, Mark, sum that up, will you, in some contemporary dance.

Oh ho ho!

I like it a lot.

Let's move over here, little Sam and Mark.

Who have we got here?

-Yay! It's Lauren, Phoebe, and DJ Holly.

-All right?

Holly is in the house!

Have you got some stuff out your hair and stuff?

-Just about, yeah.

-Fantastic.

Look who's over here - it's Mia and Emily!

Give me some! Yeah!

-All right!

-Now, on Big Friday Wind-Up,

we played In Your House with Mia and Emily

-and I hid inside Mia's house, didn't I?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-You've got a lot of fluffy toys.

Shall we have a look and see how many you've got?

Look! That's, like... I couldn't see Sam!

That was my first hiding place, that was on the top bunk of your bed.

You were on the bottom bunk.

Honestly, it is the most scared I have ever been on an In Your House.

-I saw you!

-Did you not hear me at all when I was up there?

Cos I had so many challenges up there!

-He had the umbrella.

-I heard the umbrella,

but I just thought it was from outside.

-Ah!

-Ah, well, it's bad luck to open it indoors.

-It is, it is bad luck.

-I didn't want to do that.

-And then we got him to do the Macarena.

Look at this! Good telly, this.

HE SINGS "MACARENA" UNDER HIS BREATH

MUSIC: Macarena by Los del Rio

-# Hey, Macarena.

-Ai! #

-Brilliant.

-It was incredibly good.

-Thanks, mate.

I didn't know the lyrics, though, so I had to...

# Sa la la ba la ba la ba da... #

-It was good, though.

-Next up, let's take a look at this bit.

CRACKLING

INAUDIBLE

Stop making a noise!

CRACKLING

You're the worst player ever at this game!

You know how I was giving you

-some really good comments about your Macarena skills?

-Yeah?

I'm going to turn it round and say you're the worst player of that game

-I've ever seen.

-But I'm not the worst player of In Your House -

-I'm awesome!

-Yeah, all right.

What I love is that your mum is in the living room there,

and she knew, and she's laughing cos she knew I was behind there.

Your parents knew everything.

We were there all day setting up with cameras.

But...how did you not see that massive red light flashing?

I don't know!

Your dog kept on trying to sniff him!

Seriously, the dog kept on going... (SNIFFS) ..and running off.

I don't know what you were wearing, but it was a dog magnet.

Well, Emily, you were in on the whole thing and did a fantastic job.

-Did you enjoy it?

-Yeah.

-Brilliant.

-Fantastic.

Well, you were fantastic sports.

Emily and Mia, give me some.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Let's go over this.

-Let's go over here.

Not you pair again! No, I'm only joking, I'm only joking.

Over here, we've got Little Sam, Little Mark, and Lauren Layfield!

CHEERING

Now, on Big Friday Wind-Up,

you guys...well, you're us, you're Little Sam and Mark,

you did a fantastic job of impersonating us.

You did. And apparently, Little Sam, you can do some great impressions.

-Am I right?

-Yeah! Let's test this theory out.

All right. We're going to give you 60 seconds

to do as many impersonations of celebrities that you can.

Little Mark and Lauren, you have to guess which celebrities they are.

-Good game.

-Are you ready for the challenge?

He's up for the challenge.

-Come stand here.

-OK, here we go. Here's number one.

-Take a look.

-LIVERPOOL ACCENT:

-You're right... You're right, pet,

but you're not going through to the semifinals of X Factor.

Oh!

Who is it?

"X Factor..."

Go on, have another... Go on.

-Think who's on the X Factor.

-Cheryl Cole.

Cheryl Cole!

It was uncanny.

OK, what about this one?

Um...

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-I'm Scottish, and I...

That's good, carry on!

I'm Scottish, and I drink loads of...

Be careful what you say!

-Milk.

-Milk!

Yeah. "I'm Scottish, and I drink lots of milk."

-Scottish milkman?

-In the MORNINGS, maybe.

A Scottish milkman?

Andy Murray!

Yeah. Absolutely.

Lorraine Kelly.

What about this one?

All right, cockers?

-Hacker!

-Yes!

Brilliant. Straight away. All right.

You should be good at this one.

-WITH ACCENT:

-I'm from Yorkshi... Wait, that's Birmingham!

No, that was good! Yeah, your accent was wrong,

but what you were saying were right.

Er...

I'm from Yorkshire, and...

LAUGHTER

And I'm dressed very similar!

Oh! You!

Yes! Me! Me! Me!

Here we go. Do what you did before! Last one.

I'm from Birmingham!

It's you, in't it?

-Yeah! That was impressive.

-That was amazing.

All right. I don't know how many you got,

but I know you deserve a prize, and that prize is...

Give him a biscuit.

..this cup!

Hold it aloft!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Nice work.

-Fantastic.

-Right now, though, it's time for this.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Playing today, we have Bars and Melody, and Amy!

All right! Now, before Big Friday Wind-Up,

we asked our studio audience which celebrity they get mistaken for.

We're going to show you a member of our studio audience.

Then you're going to write it down,

and the one who gets the most is the champion of the world.

-We get mistaken quite a lot...

-What if she looks at our answers?

-She'll not, she's not a cheater!

-She's no cheater!

-We get asked who we look like...

-Who do you look like?

-You know those kids from Britain's Got Talent?

-Bars and Melody?

-Yeah!

-Yeah! You do look like them.

-All the time.

Audience member number one.

I'm often told I look like Peter Andre.

LAUGHTER

-Granted...

-Write down your answer!

Let's see if they get it!

Wait, what? I'm confused! He just told us!

Write down your answer! Who could it be?

What is...?

-I'm intrigued to see the answers here, Mark.

-Yeah!

-I wonder what it is.

-Bars and Melody, what have you gone for?

Phillip Schofi...

-No, I'm joking - Peter Andre.

-You've gone for Peter Andre!

-Interesting.

-I said Robbie Williams.

-Did you say Robbie Williams?

OK. Amy, what have you gone for?

-Peter Andre.

-Ooh, interesting!

-OK, well, let's have a look,

see if you're right!

I'm often told I look like Peter Andre.

Yay!

-Amazing!

-Wow!

OK. Well, you both did really well there.

I don't know how you got it, but you got it!

Let's go to our second audience member, please!

I'm often told I look like...

Ooh, tricky one, tricky one.

Write down your answer.

Ooh, Amy's there, Amy's on it.

Don't you copy, Bars and Melody!

Lauren helping as well, I like it.

OK.

Make sure you show us the answer when you're done.

OK, Bars and Melody, what have you gone for?

I thought Madonna.

Not a bad shout, that, I reckon.

-I went for Holly Willoughby.

-Ohh.

-Oh, she's won.

-Holly Willoughby!

OK, let's have a look and see if either one of you are right.

I'm often told I look like...

Holly Willougby.

CHEERING

Smashing it, Amy!

Amy, you deserve another trophy!

You do!

Have we got time for another one? Let's do it, then.

Next audience member.

I'm often told I look like...

-This is a hard one.

-Tricky.

What do you think, lads?

THEY WHISPER

Amy and Lauren working together as a team, I like this.

Come on, guys, come on.

Ooh, yeah, we've got an answer over here.

Get an answer, quickly, quickly!

You're going to lose!

We're going to go for Amy first, this time - what have you gone for?

-Sam Smith.

-Sam Smith!

-Sam Smith.

-Gone for Sam Smith. Bars and Melody, what you gone for?

BOTH: Mark.

From Sam and Mark?

You've gone for... It did look a little bit like you.

Who's this guy? I want to see who this guy looks like.

Let's have a look.

I'm often told I look like...

Sam Smith.

CHEERING

OK. Amy, it's almost like we told you all the answers.

I can't believe it!

We definitely didn't.

He did look a little bit like you.

Yeah, he's a good-looking guy.

Congratulations, Amy, that means you win all these lollipops.

There you go. Enjoy them!

-Thanks, guys.

-What a tremendous game!

Tremendous!

Well, a big thank-you to everyone we've had on the show.

-It's been a humdinger, hasn't it?

-It really has. It's been crazy.

-Hey, do you remember DJ Holly?

-Of course.

-From Parents On Trial?

-Down with the kids.

She is. Well, she kind of is.

We are going to hear her do a fantastic DJ set right now.

I'm very excited. Let's hear it, DJ Holly!

Whoo!

-MUSIC PLAYS

-Let's get this party started!

-# Say boom boom boom Let me hear you say wayo

-Wayo

-# I say boom boom boom Let me hear you say wayo

-Wayo

-# I say boom boom boom Let me hear you say wayo

-Wayo

# Boom boom boom

-# Let me hear you say wayo

-Wayo... #

That's it! Thank you ever so much for watching,

it's been a fantastic show.

Thank you to our darts player.

-Thank you very much to Lauren Layfield.

-Yay!

Big thank-you to Bars and Melody!

Thank you to these guys here!

We'll see you soon - have a lovely weekend.

-Take care!

-Bye! Come on, let's dance!

# I say boom boom boom

# Let me hear you say wayo. #