Kimberly Walsh Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

'Why do these people look so nervous?

-'Is it because of him?

-LAUGHTER

'Is it because of her?

'Is it because of these two shifty-looking characters?

'They must be worried because on this show, no-one is safe.

'It's Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.'

Welcome to the show that's winding up the world

from Studio Two in Salford, it's Big Friday Wind-Up.

My name's Sophie and I've got asparagus fingers.

Ladies and gentlemen, doing the tango, it's Sam and Mark!

CHEERING

MUSIC: Strictly Come Dancing Theme

-BONES CRUNCH

-Argh!

-BOTH:

-Get out!

Unbelievable.

Welcome to the weekend!

Eh! Eh! Eh!

You! Eh! Get ready for an hour of unpredictable entertainment.

HE JABBERS INDISTINCTLY

See, you didn't see that coming, did you?

-Yeah.

-Unpredictable.

-There's more where that came from.

-I hope not.

-It's warmer.

-We'll be giving someone here a memory

they can preserve for ever.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Yes.

-We'll be creating some family disharmony in Parents On Trial.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

And find out what happened when we took our hidden cameras

to Cheshire for a game of In Yer House.

POPPER BANGS

What was that?

-It was good.

-It was very good, very good.

And on top of all that, we'll be joined by former Pussycat Doll

and Celebrity MasterChef winner, Kimberly Wyatt is here!

Yeah! CHEERING

Awesome!

I'll tell you summat though, I'm still bitter.

It should have been me, should have been me.

Don't be ridiculous, you haven't got the legs to be in the Pussycat Dolls

That's true actually. OK, it's time to prove that on this show

-no-one is safe.

-That is right.

We know everything about every single one of you. For example...

Amelia, your dad is afraid of cotton wool.

Yeah? Well, Danny, you're not going to like this...

it's the Cotton Wool Man.

LAUGHTER

He left the Cotton Wool Man hanging. LAUGHTER

High five the Cotton Wool Man, he wasn't having any of it.

-What a lovely day out for that family.

-A lovely day out.

But right now it's time to find someone else with a phobia.

Is anyone affected by the sight... of THIS?

SAM SCREAMS

Yes, that's right, Lucy from Perthshire,

we're talking about you and your lovely grandma, Irene.

Stay right there because we're coming to you.

Come on!

Thanks.

-Hello!

-Hello!

I'm not sitting on that!

LAUGHTER

-Lucy and Irene, how are you?

-Fine, thank you.

Excellent. Irene, how are you?

-And I'm very well, thank you.

-Excellent!

Well, thank you very much for being on the show.

Now, Lucy, what is it with your nan and picnic benches, then?

Well, she's afraid of picnic benches.

She's afraid of picnic benches?

Irene, why?

-I've no idea but I hate sitting on them.

-Really?

I really do because I don't know what's underneath.

Now, we also hear that Irene here is a world championship finalist.

Tell us more about this, Lucy.

Well, my nan went to Dundee to go to a jam championships.

-A jam championships?

-Yeah, and she got a bronze.

Oh, amazing. Round of applause for that.

Love a bit of jam. Irene, I love an apricot jam, me.

My favourite jam at the minute. What's your favourite jam?

No, I don't like apricots but also she has won the bronze in the team.

-Have you? What, in making jam as well?

-Yeah.

-Amazing stuff.

-Oh, it's a family affair.

-Have you ever made apricot jam?

-I love apricot jam.

-No.

-No? Right.

Why are you getting down on apricot jam?

-Sorry, man.

-Well, do you know what?

It would be an absolute shame if we couldn't combine

your love of jam with your deathly fear of a picnic bench.

-But fortunately...we can.

-Yeah!

So, come with us as we play a game we like to call Jam Bench.

It's a great game. Come on, ladies. CHEERING

This is the game that lifts the lid on a sticky situation

and really gets you in a jam.

-It's funny because it all relates to your hobby.

-It does indeed.

Now, here we have some jam.

And we also have a picnic bench.

Irene, touch the bench.

Touch it! Touch it! Touch it!

CHEERING

-One-nil to Irene.

-Yeah!

-Stupid picnic bench.

-Yeah.

Now, Irene, we want you to face your fears

by painting this lovely picnic bench with the jam.

-Oh.

-Obviously.

Both of you are going to have 30 seconds to cover the whole thing

-in delicious preserve.

-Yes.

If you manage to coat all of it, then Lucy will win a prize,

a digital camera.

-Does that sound good?

-Yeah.

-Fantastic.

That's the reaction we're after, right there.

-Irene, do you think you can get through this, love?

-Yes, definitely.

-Yes, I love that.

-Excellent.

Best of luck, ladies.

In three, two, one...get jamming! Area.

MUSIC: Jammin' by Bob Marley

Here we go. Paint it! Paint that bench!

-HOOTER TOOTS BOTH:

-Time's up!

-OK, ladies, go back to your places.

-Stand over there, please.

-Oh, wow.

-Tremendous effort. Tremendous effort.

But did you cover the whole bench?

There's only one person qualified to inspect show-stopping

jammy structures

and that is celebrity MasterChef winner Kimberly Wyatt.

CHEERING

Kimberly Wyatt!

-Are you all right, lovely?

-Yeah, good, thanks.

Ah! Never let me go.

-How are you, Kimberly?

-I'm good, thank you.

Good. It's lovely to have you here.

Now, obviously, you know far more about food than I do.

So, you are the only one who could judge how well

Lucy and Irene did here.

-Take a little inspection.

-All right.

-See what you think.

-Tricky.

-Hm.

Hm-hm, there's some good work here. Hm-hm.

-See any gaps?

-OK, you've had a little look?

-I've had a look.

What do you think? How do you feel, Kimberly?

You know, if I'm honest, there's a few little bits that are missing.

Yeah, I was going to say that myself.

-A few bits that are missing.

-So, Kimberly thinks there's a few gaps.

-But we are going to give you a second chance.

-We are indeed.

Irene, you now have just 20 seconds to fill those gaps...

using your nose. LAUGHTER

-How do you feel about that, Irene?

-No!

Yeah. No, not no, NOSE. LAUGHTER

-OK. The best of luck, Irene.

-Hang on!

-We've not asked if she's accepted the challenge yet.

-Oh, yeah!

-Are you up for the challenge?

-OK, yes.

-Good luck!

-Yeah, you might want to take your glasses off.

In three, two, one...get jamming!

MUSIC: Jammin' by Bob Marley

CHEERING

HOOTER TOOTS Stop! Time's up! Time's up!

Stop the madness.

Irene, if you'd like to stand back in position.

-Tricky one.

-Oh, tricky.

Tricky. Kimberly, it's over to you. How do you think she did?

Have another inspection. Have another inspection.

-I've got a red nose.

-Aww! You do!

-You know what?

-Go on.

-I think it looks pretty amazing.

-Yeah?

-I do.

-Does that mean she's a winner?

-Yes.

-Yeah!

CHEERING

It means Lucy wins the digital camera!

CHEERING

-What do you think of that? Happy?

-SHE SCREAMS

And, Irene, thank you for being such a fantastic sport.

We are going to give you a little prize as well.

We're going to give you this evil-looking mini picnic bench.

And you can put that at the side of your bed on a night...

-Thank you so much.

-..and hopefully it will make

-all your nightmares disappear.

-Thank you.

-It's like a dream catcher.

-Exactly, exactly.

Now, Lucy, Irene, you have been absolutely brilliant.

But it doesn't end there, no, no, no. Because you get to spend

the rest of the show in our VIP Wind-Down zone.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Oh, yeah!

And that's not all because later on you guys are going to be playing

-our endgame, so you might win some more prizes, Lucy.

-Yeah!

-How does that sound?

-Great!

-Well done.

Kimberly, we'll be chatting to you in just a moment

but one more time, let's hear it for the fantastic Lucy and Irene.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hi, I'm Naomi Wilkinson and I love to watch

Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

They paid me to say that.

'Ladies and gentlemen, tonight on the Wind-Up Wheel,

Celebrity MasterChef winner Kimberly Wyatt.

CHEERING

-How are you doing, Kimberly?

-Yeah, I'm OK.

Ey! Not so grand now, are we, Miss Perfect Celeriac Puree.

-It is divine.

-I'm not bitter.

-No, I'm sure you're not.

-I'm not bitter!

This, my friends, is the future of celebrity interview.

And in no way a method of exacting revenge on our rivals.

-EERIE PIANO CHORDS

-Here's how it works.

We'll be spinning Kimberley around until she's dizzy.

If she lands on Truth, we'll ask her a well-researched question

-about herself...possibly.

-Possibly.

But if she lands on Wind-Up, we'll be giving her a forfeit

and it could be literally anything.

-ALL:

-Ooh!

How are you feeling now Miss Exquisite Seafood Soup?

I feel fabulous.

-Right, let's get started and...

-AUDIENCE:

-Wind up that wheel!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

And stop the wheel.

Truth.

Oh, Kimberly, pick a number between one and ten please.

-Seven.

-Seven, she's gone for seven.

-OK.

-Ooh!

-Oh, yeah, good.

SHE LAUGHS Gingerbread or shortbread?

-Shortbread.

-No, it's the wrong answer.

-It's the wrong answer!

-LAUGHTER

-Gingerbread, innit? Always, mate.

-Close though, close.

-OK, it's time to... ALL:

-Wind that wheel!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

Stop the wheel.

-Ooh! Wind-Up.

-Oh, no!

OK, choose a number between one and ten please.

-One.

-One.

-Yeah.

-Nice.

-All right.

Do the Macarena as fast as humanly possible.

-Do I stand up?

-Yeah.

-Come stand here.

-You can't do it without standing up.

MUSIC: Macarena by Los Del Rio

SONG SPEEDS UP

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That was wicked! That was wicked!

-That's great.

-OK. It's time to... ALL:

-Wind up that wheel!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

And stop that wheel.

-It's another Wind-Up.

-OK.

I'm seeing three of you right now, so I'll go with three.

OK, let's have a look.

Oh, nice. Start a conga line.

Oh, nice!

Here we go! CONGA MUSIC PLAYS

-Come on.

-Yeah, come on! Yeah!

You guys follow up.

Hey!

Hey!

MARK HUMS ALONG Come on!

Keep going, come on.

Come on!

Yeah!

Join in.

Yeah!

Stop the music. Stop the music.

CHEERING

-Madness in the studio. Madness in the studio.

-Brilliant.

Thank you. Thank you, everybody.

Give yourselves a round of applause.

Thanks, guys. Thank you!

-That was great.

-That was tremendous.

Nice work. Thank you to Kimberly Wyatt.

-How are you feeling, Kimberly?

-A bit dizzy.

-You're dizzy?

-Dizzy.

Well, I think you've earnt a rest with Lucy and Irene

in the Wind-Down zone.

Let's hear it once again for the lovely Kimberly Wyatt.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE See you later, Kimberly. Bye!

-Aww! Love her. Love her.

-She's great.

-VOMITING SOUND EFFECT PLAYS

-Oh! Oh! Argh!

-Argh!

Dearie me. Anyway, it's time to meet some more friends of ours.

It's Dominic and Alex. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hey, how are you?

-Hi, guys.

-Hi, guys. Are you enjoying the show?

-Erm...yeah.

-Yeah, thinking about it.

-Bless you!

Now, not so long ago we took our hidden cameras

over to Dominic's house

for a game of hide and seek with a difference

and your naughty parents behind you,

they were in on the whole thing, weren't they?

Shall we have a look and see what happened

-when we played In Yer House?

-Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

-Dominic, please do the honours down camera number four.

-Roll VT.

'You are entering the world of In Yer House,

'an elite undercover task force charged with winding up the nation.

'As an In Yer House agent, your objective is to go undercover

'in viewers' homes and complete a series of highly-skilled challenges.

'Agent Nixon, you will be manning mission control.

'Agent Rhodes, your accomplice is waiting for you at today's location.

'You must both proceed there immediately.

'And remember...don't get caught.'

Gentlemen, listen up, this is your mission.

Agent Alex, am I correct in thinking that you are going to be helping

-Agent Rhodes in his mission today?

-Of course, yeah.

Excellent stuff.

In that case, this is today's target.

His name is Dominic, he is Agent Alex's best friend.

-Is that correct?!

-Yes!

This is Dominic's house.

Agent Rhodes, you will be hiding here, under the stairs.

This is a picture of my dog, Elliott.

Isn't she cute? Aww!

Agent Rhodes!

You will be able to use this survival kit.

-Await further instructions before opening it.

-OK.

Agent Alex, do you think you can help Agent Rhodes

in completing his mission and making sure that Dominic doesn't see him?

-I've got this all covered up.

-Excellent.

One final question then.

Agent Rhodes, are you ready?

-What does that mean?

-Yes, I'm ready.

OK. In that case, off you go.

-Come on! Come on! COME ON!

-Go! Go! Go!

(Go! Go! Go!)

OK, Mark, be very careful.

Get yourself under the stairs into that cupboard.

He's in. Nice work. Nice work, mate.

In Yer House is a go.

Mission number one.

Surrounding you are many coats - I want you to try on two coats.

He's taking the bag off.

That's it, take the bag off slowly, quietly.

Hurry up because he's right next door.

Come on, nearly there.

One last nudge over the shoulders.

Oh, nice!

It's a lovely-looking coat.

OK. Now you need to take that off and try on another coat.

Come on, get it on! Get it on! Get it on!

You've not finished mission one yet.

Yeah! Nice work.

Ey, don't get too confident though.

Dominic is just in the room next door and for mission number two,

I want you to tap on the wall to where Dominic is

and I want you to tap out the tune...

to The Wheels On The Bus. OK?

# The wheels on the bus go round and round. #

THEY CHAT

I want to hear it, knock louder.

(Oh, no. I need to caugh!)

He needs to cough. You need to cough?

HE COUGHS

-It's like...

-Am I just hearing things?

Ooh, careful.

Alex is stitching you up.

He said, "I'm hearing things."

-Did you just hear that?

-Yeah.

Ooh!

Be careful, Mark. Be careful.

There's something strange going on.

Mark, I'll let you off, mission two completed.

Mission three.

You need to get your survival kit out.

So, what you'll find in the bag for mission three is a party popper.

AUDIENCE LAUGH

I'm not joking.

SAM LAUGHS Yeah!

Now you know what to do - pop that, bad boy.

Let's have a party!

Here we go.

POPPER BANGS Ooh!

-What was that?

-That was loud.

Oh!

-Sarah...

-SAM LAUGHS

..is that you?

-Is what me?

-The smack. It went...

I didn't hear it, sorry.

-DOMINIC:

-What is it?

-I don't know.

They heard it but Mum's covered for you.

You're still in the game, mate.

Well done, mate. Well done.

They're a bit suspicious

but you passed mission three, well done.

We're going to crank things up, though, for mission four, Mark.

When I tell you, you need to get yourself out of the cupboard

from under the stairs.

You need to make your way into the kitchen.

Now, I will warn you, the lads are in that area.

So, you'll need to crawl and get yourself behind the kitchen table.

Once you've made it there, I'll give you instructions.

(OK.)

OK, Mark, mission four is a go.

Get yourself out of there.

Get on the floor! Get on the floor!

Who's that weird guy crawling out of our cupboard?

Remember, if Dominic spots you, it's game over.

Oh, be quiet.

OK. You are now entering the kitchen. Best of luck, mate.

He's in. Look at his feet! AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Good work, Mum, playing it cool.

Just sending in another

little surprise for Mark.

DOG WOOFS

Release the hounds.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Nice doggies!

SAM LAUGHS

Do you like dogs, Mark?

LAUGHTER

OK, Mark, in your bag

you will find a lovely little framed picture of me and you.

I want you to get it out of the bag

and stick it onto the kitchen table.

Here we go! Here we go!

SAM LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

I just saw his hand put his picture up.

Well done, that's brilliant.

Well done, mate. Well done.

Mission four complete.

It's time for your final mission.

So, you've met Dominic's dogs, Roxy and Rufus.

Now, you have to get them back into where they sleep.

So, if you look inside your bag, you will see some dog treats.

You basically need to get them back into their little home.

If you do this and get out of the house, you've completed the mission.

Is he throwing the biscuits?

Is he there? He is!

Get them in. Close the gate, get them both in.

SAM LAUGHS

Quietly with that gate, quietly.

You're at the last hurdle, Mark, don't mess it up.

KIDS LAUGH

OK, turn yourself round and come out of the front door

and get yourself into this van.

SAM LAUGHS

Here he comes, he's done it!

I can't believe that! AUDIENCE APPLAUDS

That was brilliant!

That's possibly the most nerve-racking thing

that has ever happened to me ever.

Right. Look at 'em. Look at 'em sat on the sofa. They've got no idea.

-Yes!

-Well done.

You've completed your mission and they didn't find out.

-Shall we go and tell Dominic what's been happening?

-Let's do it.

-Let's complete.

-Let's go.

-Dominic, you all right?

-SAM LAUGHS

-How are you doing?

-Hello, mate. How you doing?

We're Sam and Mark on Big Friday Wind-Up

-and we have been In Yer House.

-Yeah.

Well, to say that, WE haven't been in yer house,

-I'VE been in yer house.

-Yeah, Mark's been hiding in your house

ever since you got home from school.

-And your mate Alex here is in on the whole thing.

-Yeah, Cheers, mate.

-Well done.

-High five for that.

-You did well there, mate.

-Dominic, high five.

-Dominic, nice to see you, buddy.

I knew about this all the time, you know.

Have you not even spotted that little picture of me and Mark?

I did. For five minutes I was like, "Why is that there?"

SAM AND MARK LAUGH

There was one point where Mark pulled the party popper

-and you said you heard something.

-Yeah. Alex was like, "What's that?"

Nice. Good acting.

-Yeah, very good.

-I like it.

How are you feeling that Mark's been hiding in yer house?

Erm...is there any words?

-He's speechless.

-There are no words.

-Ey, we're good at this.

-We're really good, really good.

-Fantastic.

-Nice work, lads.

All right, nice one. Back to the studio.

-Brilliant.

-Awesome.

And I've got to say,

Alex, you were meant to be helping Agent Rhodes there.

You were stitching him up good and proper saying,

"I've just heard something. What was it?"

-You did well there, mate.

-Yes.

Especially with the dog licking me face, that was good.

-That was a high point.

-It was indeed.

-And, Dominic, it's your birthday today, isn't it?

-Yes.

-SAM AND MARK:

-Happy birthday!

Well, guys, thanks for being such great sports. You're not going to be

-going home empty-handed.

-No, you're not.

-You each get a spy watch.

You will need to collect those from the Wind-Down zone

and that's where you'll be spending the rest of the show cos it's VIP

and it's your birthday. Enjoy yourselves. Does that sound good?

-BOTH:

-Yeah.

-Awesome.

-Brilliant. Give it up for Dominic and Alex.

-Off you go, lads.

-See you later, lads.

-Off you go. Off you go.

-Awesome.

But right now, here's what else is coming up on tonight

Big Friday Wind-Up.

We play a game called What's That Coming Out Of Your Mouth?

The pressure is cranked up in Splat In The Box

and join us for even more in The Weekend Wind-Down.

'Oi, you lot!

'No silence in court.

'Please rise for his worship Lord Justice Rhodes.'

Yes, yes. I'm passionate about law and order, yes.

Laura Norda, lovely woman.

Shame she's a wanted criminal.

COSSACK MUSIC PLAYS

Hold this, please.

'And the parent prosecutor,

'Samuel Patricia Nixon, on duty.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ah, I love the smell of justice in the evening.

MELLOW JAZZ PLAYS

Justice by Esther Lardy.

It smells of wildebeest and fear.

Anyway, enough of that. MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

It's time to find out whose parents are guilty

of criminally embarrassing behaviour.

What about you, Karen!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

Yeah, she's embarrassing.

-Yeah, she is.

-Karen.

-Yes.

I hear that you're a cheerleader.

-Yeah, woo!

-Stop that!

Now, Karen, you took part in a competition last weekend,

-is that right?

-Er, yes.

-OK.

-Well, in a show.

-But something embarrassing happened, didn't it?

-It did, yes.

-Tell us all.

I was dancing away shaking me poms

and my trousers started to fall down.

LAUGHTER Oh, dear.

-Yes.

-And, Emma, you were there, weren't you?

Well, I didn't see it

because I was backstage.

You were backstage just hanging out, yeah.

But you heard about it, didn't you?

Yeah, cos when she came home

she was like,

"My pants have fallen down!"

LAUGHTER

It's pretty embarrassing.

Your worship, how do you find the defendant?

Guilty. Apologise.

First apologise to the world.

Sorry.

Now apologise to Emma.

-Sorry, Emma.

-OK.

I need more crimes to satisfy my thirst for justice.

-Come on.

-It's time to bring today's star witness.

Come here, you.

Come here, you.

Put your camera right in his face.

Right in his face.

It's not him! It's not him!

It's you, Tabby. It's you!

Please join us in the Wind-Up courtroom

for Parents On Trial.

Come on, Tabby, down you go.

Order! Order!

Who's put talcum powder on my gavel?

Unbelievable.

Tabby, have you any idea why you're standing before this court today?

Not really.

Well, it's obviously about your parents.

Tell me, Tabby, what do your parents do for a living?

-They teach me.

-They both teach you?

Yeah.

Well, my mum's the head teacher.

-Oh!

-Your mum's head teacher?

Well, that must be jolly embarrassing

-but there has to be more to it than that.

-There is, Your Honour.

Miss Wyatt, please bring out exhibit A.

Tabby, describe what you see in this photograph.

That's my dad pretending to be a policeman.

Your dad pretending to be a policeman.

Isn't he pretending to be a policeman in a musical?

-Yeah.

-Ah!

So, your father is a budding policeman apparently

-and a musical star.

-Yeah!

Does he ever combine this with his day job in the classroom?

Yeah.

Yeah, we know that he does because we have the evidence.

Thank you, Kimberly.

Please can we play for the court... exhibit B.

# You can't stop my happiness

# Cos I like the way I am

# And you can't stop my knife and fork

# When I see a Christmas ham. #

Ooh. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Order! Order! Order!

Couldn't get much worse than that, could it?

I'm afraid it could, Your Honour.

Tabby, we saw your father in exhibit A

playing a policeman in the musical Hairspray.

But did you know that your dad's dream

-was always to play the lead role?

-Wait a minute.

But the lead role in that musical...is a lady!

Exactly, Your Honour.

Tabby...where is your father today?

-He's singing with his choir.

-Hmm.

-His old-man choir.

He's singing with his old-man choir. LAUGHTER

Is he really?

Bring out the accused.

Tabby's dad Dave as Edna Turnblad.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC PLAYS

Yeah!

# You can't stop my avalanche as it races down the hill

# You can try and stop the seasons, girl

# But you know you never will

# And you can try and stop my dancing feet

# But I just cannot stand still

# Cos the world keeps spinning round and round

# And my heart's keeping time to the speed of sound

# I was lost till I heard the drums Then I found my way

# You can't stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky

# You can wonder if you want to but I never ask why

# And if you try to hold me down

# I'm going to spit in your eye and say

-# You can't stop the beat. #

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

GAVEL BANGS

Let's hear it for Tabby's dad Edna.

I mean Dave! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm not sure about Edna.

Looks like Law & Order. LAUGHTER

Just like her.

Right, Tabby, what do you think of that precious childhood memory?

Well, now I remember him practising singing that song

-last night in the bathroom.

-LAUGHTER

It was to embarrass you greatly.

Time to reach a verdict.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

-Ah. Deary me.

-I agree.

-Tabby's dad, Edna... I mean Dave.

..you have been found guilty of criminally embarrassing behaviour.

Therefore, I sentence you to the next 20 minutes

with your feet in a basin of spaghetti hoops.

Miss Wyatt, send him or her down.

LAUGHTER

Get in there.

Slippers off. LAUGHTER

-BELL TOLLS

-Oh. Oh!

-AUDIENCE:

-Ew!

-Ooh!

-LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

-Tabby, could this day get any worse?

-No.

-Dad, are you all right?

-Yeah, fine.

We're all right! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, it would appear that justice has been served,

but, Tabby, you deserve a reward.

You certainly deserve a reward for testifying,

so we're going to give you a brand-new tablet.

-Yay!

-Yeah!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-How does that sound?

-Good.

-All right? Brilliant.

And that's not all because pretty soon,

you and your family are going to be going up against Lucy

and her family in tonight's grand finale,

-so you might win some more prizes. Exciting?

-Yeah.

-Beautiful.

You need to go and join those guys now in the Wind-Down zone.

We'll see you a little bit later on. Please give it up for Tabby!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-I'm Nathan Sykes,

and for a healthy portion of light entertainment goodness,

watch Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up,

but only as part of a comedy-controlled diet.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Is everyone enjoying the show?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

-Awesome.

-Lovely.

In that case, it's time to play a game that we like to call

What's That Coming Out Of Your Mouth?

Yes, this is the part of the show where Mark goes head-to-head

with a member of our studio audience.

Mark, has anyone here got what it takes to beat you?

No chance whatsoever. I'm the king. I'm the king of everything.

-I think you've lost every one so far.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER OK, well, it's time to find out

who you'll be facing.

It's Molly and Eloise from Bedfordshire.

Come on down!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

High fives. High fives. High fives. High fives.

Make your way around there.

Nice.

So, Molly and Eloise, why do you think you can beat Mark?

-Because he's, like, really bad.

-LAUGHTER

Well, here is how the game works.

A selection of audience members and celebrities

will step in to the gob booth.

They will then silently mouth some phrases at you.

You just have to guess what is coming out of their mouths.

-Understood?

-Yeah.

-SAM LAUGHS

-Understood, girls?

-Mm-hm.

-Excellent stuff.

-Now, you don't have to be 100% accurate, but...

-Oh, I will be.

SAM LAUGHS Ooh! Fighting talk.

But so long as you get something written down.

And whoever is closest in each round will win the point.

-Understood?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah? Good.

-Mark, you happy?

-I'm always happy, mate,

-unless I'm sad, and that's never.

-Right.

-Except for if I lose.

OK, brilliant. It's time to get lippy. Here we go.

Ooh, it's an audience member. Here we go.

SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY

Tricky.

-OK, girls, you have an answer over there? BOTH:

-Yeah.

Turn around. Let's see what you've got.

"Hello. How are you?"

Mark, what have you got?

-Hello. How are you?

-Excellent.

Well, over to our audience member. What was coming out of your mouth?

-Hello. How are you?

-Hey! APPLAUSE

One point each. Thank you, audience member.

Are you ready for the next one?

-I smashed that, didn't I?

-OK, here we go.

It's an audience member.

Over to you, audience member.

SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY

Ooh, difficult. Let's see it again. SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY

Hmm, interesting.

-OK. Don't forget, you don't need to be 100% accurate.

-Don't copy!

-Don't copy!

-Whoever's closest will get the point.

OK, ladies, what have you gone for?

-BOTH:

-I like juicy lemons.

-I like juicy lemons.

Mark, what have you gone for?

I've gone for I like juggling lemons.

LAUGHTER

So, you've both gone with, "I like something lemons."

Difficult to judge.

OK, audience member, what was coming out of your mouth?

I like shaving lemons.

LAUGHTER

Let's have a look.

-I'm going to give it to Mark.

-Whoo!

-I'm going to give it to Mark.

Just because it makes it more interesting.

-LAUGHTER

-And I am great.

-Thank you, audience member.

-Thank you.

OK, so, who's it going to be?

An audience member? A celebrity? Let's find out.

It's a celebrity! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's Kimberly Wyatt. OK, best of luck, guys.

Kimberly, over to you.

SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY Ooh, cheeky.

-Say again.

-SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY

Don't forget she's American, so she may say things slightly differently.

-Tricky.

-Oh, yeah.

-Hey!

-Hey!

-Hey!

-Right. Right.

Time is up.

-Girls, what have you gone for? BOTH:

-Boys smell.

You're saying boys smell. Mark, what have you gone for?

Boys definitely do smell,

but this one smells particularly badly.

Mark smells, smiley face.

Kimberly Wyatt, what was coming out of your mouth?

Yeah!

-Mark smells.

-Whoo!

-Which means, Mark,

you are today's winner. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Whoohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. #

He's going to be pretty smug about this.

Oh, girls, you did really well, though.

-Didn't they do well? AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

And we won't send you home empty-handed.

We're going to give you a lovely Friday Wind-Up mug.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Have you had fun, girls? BOTH:

-Yes.

-Excellent stuff.

Fantastic sports. You're going to go down to the Wind-Down zone now.

It's VIP down there. We'll see you there later on.

Please give it up for Eloise and Molly, everyone.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Bye!

-Well done, Mark. Well done.

-HE CACKLES

-I stink.

-ALL:

-Hey!

-We're James, West and Giselle from The Next Step.

And you're watching Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

Sam, we've seen your moves and we think you've got what it takes

-to join us in the dance studio.

-As for you, Mark...

-This...this is awkward.

-Yeah.

-Maybe you should just stay away from the dance floor.

-Yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to the hairiest game on TV

since shirtless billiards with Barney Harwood.

-It's got questions.

-It's got answers.

But most of all, it's got a big box

with lots of horrible, slimy stuff inside.

-THUNDER RUMBLES

-'Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!'

-Let's welcome back our star players.

-Lucy's team.

-And Tabby's team.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, Lucy, please introduce your team.

This is my best friend Skye,

this is my Donald and this is my nan Irene.

Excellent stuff. Tabby, who have you got here?

Well, this is my brother Barney,

this is my mum, Helen, this is my dad, Dave.

-Excellent stuff. Hi, Dave.

-Hi.

-HE LAUGHS

-Sorry, Dave.

-This is a game of chance.

-And skill.

Each team will take turns to step up to...

-BOTH:

-The box of horrors.

THUNDER RUMBLES

Once there, you will have just ten seconds

to answer a general knowledge question.

But be quick because the longer it takes you to answer,

the more times you will have to wind up that crank.

For example, if you take three seconds to answer,

that means three full turns of the crank.

But don't get one wrong. No, no, no.

Because if you do, we have a triple T situation on our hands.

Mark, I keep forgetting.

What exactly is a triple T situation?

Well, Sam, it's where a team must wind up the crank

for a maximum ten terrifying turns.

-HE CACKLES

-Ooh!

Now, nobody in the studio

will know how many turns will make the box open.

But when it does, ooh, it'll be messy.

And the other team will win the game.

Which means that they will go home with tonight's star prize,

-a games console. AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Yes.

OK, for our viewers at home,

time to find out how many turns will open the box tonight,

and if you don't want to know, close your eyes about now.

Now, to decide who goes first,

Sam here has a genuine one smark coin.

So, Tabby, what will it be? Will it be Sam's or Mark's?

-Sam's.

-Sam's. OK.

-Here we go.

-It's Sam's.

-OK.

Which means, Tabby, you and your team are going first.

If you'd like to get in position, please.

Now, your time will start when Mark finishes asking the question.

How many I's are there in the word Mississippi?

-Four.

-Correct.

You answered that in three seconds, which means three full turns.

Who's going to be doing it?

Barney, you're up.

One.

Two.

Three. Well done.

Please swap places.

OK, who has had hits

with Thinking Out Loud, Photograph and Don't?

-Girls...

-Ed Sheeran.

-Correct.

You answered that in three seconds, which means three full turns.

Skye, off you go.

-Um...

-SHE GIGGLES

One.

Two.

Three. HE LAUGHS

OK, please swap places.

Getting to the business end now.

How many L's are there in the word millilitre?

-Three.

-Correct.

You answered that in two seconds.

Two full turns, Barney.

One.

Two.

-HE LAUGHS

-Wow.

-This is intense.

-It's tense in the audience.

-Swap places, please.

-It's tense.

OK. Phew!

-In New York, what colour would your taxi typically...

-Yellow.

-..be?

-Yellow.

-Sorry. Sorry.

I'm afraid you have to wait until I've finished the question

before you give me the answer, and you didn't,

so that's ten terrifying turns.

Sorry. Cruel.

I don't make the rules.

Well, I do, actually.

Here we go. Ten turns.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Come on!

-Eight.

-Eight.

MONSTER GIGGLES

-Aw!

-Oh, unlucky, guys. Unlucky.

-How are you feeling after that?

-Gutted.

-Bless you.

-Gutted cos we didn't get a prize.

-Disappointed in Donald.

-It's his fault.

Guys, you're not going home empty-handed, though.

We are going to be giving you some commemorative smark coin sets.

They're lovely. Everybody wants one. Is that all right?

-Yes.

-Yeah! Aw, Lucy's happy. Lucy's happy.

-Well done.

All right, go and get yourself cleaned up.

-It's Lucy's team, everyone.

-See you later, guys. Be careful.

-Very careful.

-Ooh, gently. Don't forget, Lucy,

you won that digital camera earlier as well, which is great.

But, Tabby's family, come over here.

-Yeah!

-You're the winners.

-The winning team.

-Well done.

You are home and dry, which means you win tonight's star prize,

-a games console.

-Yes!

-Happy?

-Yay!

-Fantastic.

-What do you think of that?

-Good.

-I'm happy.

Well done. Let's hear it for both teams,

but especially Tabby's team.

-Nice one. Off you go, guys.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, that's it for Big Friday Wind-Up.

A big thank you to you, our lovely audience.

-Hey!

-Thank you ever so much.

-We wound them up good this week.

-They've been fantastic.

But the Weekend Wind-Down is just about to begin.

You are now all invited to our aftershow,

-backstage, VIP party.

-It's going to be great.

We're hanging out with everyone we've surprised tonight.

Kimberly Wyatt will be there.

Yeah, we've got gossip, games and behind-the-scenes extras.

-So, what are you waiting for, you? Come on, William.

-Come on.

-Come on.

I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. Come on.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-HE LAUGHS

-Hey! All right?

-Hey, look at this.

-I don't know what I'm doing.

-Eh?

-I'm crazy. I'm crazy.

Hey, we wound up the week.

And it's now time to wind down for the weekend.

Welcome to our very exclusive, aftershow, VIP Wind-Down zone.

-Look at this.

-Everyone's here.

-Absolutely.

-It's VIP, baby.

-Yeah, boy!

Now, if you didn't see Big Friday Wind-Up,

here it is in a 30-second recap style.

Here we go. So, we kicked off with a low score

-from the Strictly judges.

-Harsh.

Lucy's gran Irene used her nose to paint a picnic bench in jam.

She did. Kimberly Wyatt did the world's fastest Macarena

and then led the audience in a chaotic conga.

Tabby's dad Dave was doubly embarrassing

-when this happened.

-LAUGHTER

Mark learnt a home truth in What's That Coming Out Of Me Mouth?

And Tabby's family beat Lucy's family in Splat In The Box.

So, there you have it. That is Wind-Up round-up in just 30 seconds.

Mark, sum that up with one eyebrow.

Good eyebrow movement. Good eyebrow movement.

-You all right, families?

-All right? Enjoying it?

-BOTH:

-Hey!

It's lovely Lucy, Irene, Tabby and Dave. How are you feeling?

-Are you all right?

-Yes, I'm absolutely fine, thank you.

-LAUGHTER "I've been told to say that."

-Yeah.

Have you got the gunk out of your hair?

I managed with one whole bottle of shampoo.

-Yes!

-Nice. Only one?

-They got gunged on Big Friday Wind-Up, so...

-Fantastic. All right, well...

-No way are you coming to our party.

-Oh!

-Aw! Aw!

-That's it.

-Well, you're VIPs in our party.

-Aw, thank you.

-Well, I might just forgive you.

-Yes! Thanks very much.

-We're speaking to you in a bit later on.

-See you later.

But over here, it's the beautiful, lovely Kimberly Wyatt.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hiya, love.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Good.

-Ooh, no more kissy-kissy. No, no, no.

-Because you're up against each other.

-Oh.

-Oh, OK.

Because obviously, you're Celebrity MasterChef finalists...

-Indeed.

-..so you should know all there is to know about food.

Well, I only came, like... Not winning.

Oh, don't get started! No excuses now.

We're going to play a game and it's called Sound Bites.

-Ooh, interesting.

-What we're going to do,

we're going to play clips of people eating certain foods.

-Mm-hm.

-If you know what the answer is,

-we need you to buzz in.

-OK.

Go on. Let's have a look at your buzzers.

'Kimberly.'

-'Sam.'

-Brilliant.

-Excellent.

He's got a little bit of an advantage

-cos your name is shorter.

-Yeah, that's true.

-Shall we go for the first one?

-OK.

-What are they eating?

-CHOMPING

-'Kimberly.'

-'Ooh, that's tart!'

-HE LAUGHS

OK, all right. Kimberly, you were right in there. What is it?

-Apple.

-You're going for an apple.

-Yeah.

-I think that's good.

All right, let's see if you're right.

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

One-nil, Kimberly Wyatt.

-It is like MasterChef all over again.

-So competitive.

Let's go with the second one. Let's have a listen.

CRUNCHING

-BURPING

-'Sam.'

-'Excuse me!'

I'm going to say that's crisps. A packet of crisps.

-OK, I can give you half a point, but I need the flavour.

-What?!

-Ah!

-Prawn cocktail. Got to be prawn cocktail.

-Ah, no, sorry, it's cheese and onion.

-What?

-Of course. I mean, I knew that.

-Kimberly knew it

-so I'm going to give her half a point for that.

-Oh, man!

-All right, OK, third one.

-OK.

-Let's have a listen.

SLURPING

-GROANING

-'Ooh, me head!'

-What do you think? Take a guess.

-That's very odd.

-'Kimberly.'

-What do you think?

-Ice cream.

-Ice cream.

-Oh, good shout.

"Me head" - brain freeze. Yeah, good one.

Let's have a listen, see if you're right.

-Yes!

-Oh!

-Oh, man!

Kimberly Wyatt, you are on fire. How is this even possible?

OK, the final one.

-CRUNCHING

-'Oh! Ah!'

-TOILET FLUSHES Toilet going. Toilet.

-Something...

-'Sam.'

-Um, going to the toilet. Curry? Curry?

-Something curry? Spicy?

-Um, maybe. It is spicy.

-What do you think?

-Chillies.

Let's have a look, see if you're right.

Oh, what?! SHE LAUGHS

-Chillies.

-How did I get that?

-You truly are a MasterChef champion.

-You are. You are.

And you are so deserving of this chilli pepper,

which is half eaten, and a frozen toilet roll just in case.

All right, give it up for Kimberly Wyatt, everyone.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Fantastic.

-Let's go over here.

-It's Dominic and Alex from In Yer House.

-Yes.

-Hi.

-How you doing? You all right, lads?

-Yeah.

If you don't know what In Yer House is,

basically, on Big Friday Wind-Up,

Mark hid in Dominic's house, and Dominic had no idea.

You got through all five challenges...

-I don't know how.

-..without being found out.

-It was amazing.

-It was, cos the first challenge

was me actually hiding underneath your stairs,

and I was right next to the room that you were both in.

Let's have a look.

I was right next to you in that room, right?

Underneath the stairs. Let's have a look.

Actually, actually, let's have a look at that a bit closer.

Are you planning world domination there?

-What are you writing on the thing?

-What is that?

-What is that, lads?

-It looks like a big hand.

-What were you doing?

-Well, we were doing this gun thing.

-We were making Nerf guns.

-Oh, of course you were.

-Right. Nice. Nice.

So, you're designing a new toy, soon to be in the High-Street shops?

-Um, well, no.

-LAUGHTER

Well, we were designing them.

-I was going to maybe make them, but not...

-You should do.

-You should do.

-I might.

-Do you think he should do it, everybody?

Yeah, you should do it. CHEERING

We could see you on Dragons' Den.

-I'd patent it now cos it's out.

-Yeah, exactly. That's true.

But do it. Do it definitely.

I must admit, one of my favourite bits

of this In Yer House was this moment.

HE LAUGHS

-Now, I'm a dog person, but I didn't appreciate that.

-Yeah.

He didn't even get me a drink or anything.

He was just licking my face straightaway.

-Which dog was that that was licking Mark's face?

-Roxy.

-Roxy.

-I have to put up with that every single day.

-Oh!

-Oh, bless you.

-A bit of a face-licker?

-Mm.

-I think I made a friend for life there...

-You did.

..because I gave her loads of treats and she was loving it.

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Fantastic.

Lads, did you enjoy your time here on Big Friday Wind-Up

-in the Wind-Down zone? BOTH:

-Definitely.

-Keep enjoying it. You're VIPs.

-And it's your birthday today.

-Yes, it is.

-Happy birthday! CHEERING

Here's to the most surreal birthday ever.

-See you later, lads.

-All right.

Now, on Big Friday Wind-Up, we found...

HE LAUGHS Fantastic outfit.

We found out that Dave here is Tabby's dad,

but Dave is also Tabby's teacher at school.

Dave also likes to dress up as a woman and sing on television,

and he was very embarrassing. HE LAUGHS

But now it's time for Tabby to be the teacher

because, Tabby, you are a massive fan

-of the CBBC show The Next Step, aren't you?

-Yeah.

So, what we want you to do is teach your dad

the names of each character in The Next Step,

and you have to memorise them

-and give us them in 20 seconds as well as you can.

-OK.

And if you lose, we'll give you the slipper.

-OK, right, sit down. Sit yourself down there.

-All right.

-Excellent.

-This is not going to work.

-OK, Tabby, off you go.

Here we go. Teach away. BELL RINGS

-So, who's that?

-Emily.

-Emily. Remember that. Emily.

-Emily. Emily.

-Who's that?

-That's all right. Don't worry.

-Tiffany.

-Tiffany.

-So, Georgia, yeah? Georgia.

-Tiffany.

-Paul.

-No! What? No.

Yeah, Tiffany.

-Who's that? Bradley?

-Looks like a Bradley.

-James.

-James. OK, James. Right.

-Bradley. Bradley.

-Ian.

-Who's that?

-Eldon.

-Eldon. You have to tell me. Right, OK.

-He's like an old man.

-Chris.

-Who? Chris?

-Chris.

-John.

-I think she said John.

-Yeah, I think it was Ian.

-Riley.

-Kylie?

-Riley.

-Ryland.

-Ryland.

-Riley.

-Chloe.

-Chloe and Ryland. OK.

-Chloe.

-Simon. That's Steve. That's Steve, yeah?

-Michelle.

-Miss, you're going too fast.

-Michelle.

-Michelle.

-And Daniel.

-Brian.

-Daniel.

-Daniel. Brian.

-BELL RINGS

-West.

-West.

-West.

-Go west.

-East.

-KLAXON BLARES

-Easy. Easy.

OK, here's what's going to happen.

I'm going to put these back over there.

I hope you've memorised them all, starting with the first one.

Best of luck, Dave.

-You've got 20 seconds.

-Good luck, mate.

-Your time starts now.

-Who's that?

-Emily.

-Correct.

-Tiffany.

-Yes, correct.

-James.

-Correct.

-Eldon.

-Correct.

-Chris.

-Yes, correct.

You said lots of silly things.

-I can't remember.

-SAM LAUGHS

-Let's have a guess.

-Georgia.

-No, it's Riley.

-Aw! KLAXON BLARES

You know what? You didn't do too bad.

You got five out of ten, yeah? Which was a lot better...

That's five that more than I thought you were going to get.

-50%.

-But you didn't get them all,

so we are going to give you the slipper.

-There's the slipper.

-It absolutely stinks.

-Oh!

-Round of applause.

-Yay!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-That was terrible.

-It is now time for this.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hey!

Playing today, we've got the lovely Molly, Eloise and Kimberly.

-How are you doing? All right?

-Yeah, good.

-Excellent.

Now, on Big Friday Wind-Up,

we obviously have a huge studio audience,

and often, that studio audience get mistaken for certain celebrities.

So, after the show, we asked them to tell us

which celebrities they get mistaken for.

You guys have to tell us who you think it is.

If you get it right, it's a point. Simple.

-Shall we have a look at the first audience member?

-Yes.

-Let's have a look at this.

-I am often told I look like...

-Ooh!

-OK, good one. Kimberly's writing down.

-Molly, you're writing down here.

-Eloise is hiding from...

-Like earlier.

-Like it's a school quiz. Love it.

OK, you've got an answer here.

-Kimberly, have you got an answer?

-Yes.

-What have you gone for?

-Jennifer Lawrence.

-She did look like Jennifer Lawrence.

-OK.

-What have you gone for, girls?

-BOTH:

-Cheryl Cole.

Otherwise known as Cheryl Fernandez-Versini.

-LAUGHTER

-Wow. That was...

-Well done.

-Thanks, mate.

-Big fan, are you?

-Yeah.

All right, let's have a look, see if either one of you is right.

I'm often told I look like Cheryl Cole.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-Well done, girls.

Otherwise known as...?

-Cheryl Fernandez-Versini.

-That's the one.

-Shall we have a look at the second one?

-Let's do it.

-Let's have a look.

-I'm often told I look like...

-Ooh!

-OK. OK.

-That's a tricky one.

-The girls are on...

-They're just on it.

-Girls are writing it down straightaway.

-Come on, Kimberly.

-Oh, dear.

-Kimberly's blank.

You've got to come up with an answer, Kimberly, I'm afraid.

-Oh, no!

-OK, girls, have you got an answer?

-Yeah.

-OK, what have you gone for?

-Paul O'Grady.

-Ooh, that's not a bad shout.

-Let's have a look.