Episode 11 Sam & Mark's Big Wind-Up

# Wind me up, put me down and watch me go

# Cos it's easy once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now, it's already begun. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen - good times are just around the corner!

And so are your hosts - it's Sam and Mark!

Haagh!

Whoo!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

Whoo!

-All right!

-Oh, yes.

-Welcome to the weekend.

-Oh, yes. This is where it starts.

We are about to wind things up for the weekend,

and you are invited along for the ride.

This show is jam-packed full of surprises for you at home

-and for you lot here in the studio.

-Yeah!

CHEERING

For example, on today's show,

we are going to be winding up an aunty in this audience

and putting her memory to the test.

-Whooo!

-And we've taken our hidden cameras on the road,

stitching people up left, right and centre. You're at home,

the doorbell goes, and then this happens...

# Happy birthday, birthday, birthday, it's your birthday today

# We hope that you enjoy yourself

# It's your birthday, it's nice to have a birthday

# Because it's your birthday Happy birthday, hey! #

Big Friday Wind-up is also partial to the odd celebrity.

Today we're joined by superstar dance duo Chris and Wes!

We will be catching up with Chris and Wes later in the show.

But now, it's time for less talk and more action.

This is the show with a surprise around every corner,

so no-one is safe, especially if you're an embarrassing dad.

OK, so, embarrassing dads...

Looking for an embarrassing dad.

I want to speak to...you, Hrithika.

-Hello.

-Are you all right?

-Yep.

Now, we have heard that you have a bit of an embarrassing dad

-because he likes to do a bit dancing...?

-Yes.

-How does that make you feel?

-Embarrassed!

-Of course! Where is he today?

-At home.

That's a shame. I'd have liked to have met him.

Actually, he's not at home. He's right here in the Wind-Up Studio!

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Hrithika's dad!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

HIGH-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG IN TIME

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Now, this week's Wind Up guests remind me a little bit of us two.

They're funny, they're stylish, and boy, can they dance.

That's it! Please give it up for Got To Dance winners Chris and Wes!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Chris and Wes, lovely to have you on the show.

-Thank you for having us.

-Pleasure.

First of all, can we congratulate you on winning Got To Dance!

That is pretty impressive.

Can I ask you, have you? Have you GOT to dance?

-Of course we have!

-That's our life!

Let's take a look at the moment that you did win Got To Dance.

DAVINA MCCALL: Chris and Wes!

CHEERING

Well, before you do your exclusive performance,

could you please try and teach me and Sam a move?

-Of course!

-Here we go.

CHEERING

We have a bit of music. Let's have the music, get us in the mood.

MUSIC STARTS

What have you got for us?

-Join hands.

-Join hands.

OK, you've got an arm movement with the wrist and elbows.

-And we'll take it from the fingers. Ready?

-Do it. ..Oh, nice.

-Come back!

-Come back!

-Oh, wow!

-CHEERING

-Nice work, nice work.

We'll leave you to the dancing, and we'll stick to the presenting.

Chris and Wes, if you'd like to get ready for your performance, please.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Don't give up the day job, I'm telling you!

OK, audience, and everyone at home, prepare to be blown away.

Ashley Banjo from Diversity described them

as the most unique dance act he's ever seen.

You are about to find out why. It's Chris and Wes!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

ALARM CLOCK RINGS

Chris, we're going to be late for the final!

MUSIC: "One More Time" by Daft Punk

I think we're lost!

# Just the two of us We can make it if we try

-# Just the two of us

-Just the two of us. #

MUSIC: "Anyway" by Duck Sauce

-Oh, my days! It's Sam and Mark.

-They're gorgeous! Oh, my days!

# Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? #

MUSIC: "One" by Swedish House Mafia

We made it!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

It's time to randomly select our second studio victim,

and to help with that, let us introduce to you a friend of ours.

Bring on the finger!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Finger Of Fun. Hello.

-I don't like it when it gets close.

-Don't worry about it, it's a friend.

Finger, we need you to select someone that loves having some fun.

Finger of fun, find us someone. Go!

Who's it going to be?!

Everyone is wanting it to be them. Is it going to be you?

Oh, it might be!

-It's not going to be you!

-They all want it, but only one can have it!

Who's it going to be?

-The finger has spoken! What is your name?

-Andrea.

In that case, Andrea, get yourself down here.

It's time to have some fun. It's time for the Prize Surprise!

Do not adjust your TV sets - we really are this short.

We really are!

-Andrea, how are you feeling, darling?

-Nervous, but I'm OK.

We'll look after you! I bet you didn't think

you'd be standing here, being the star of the show, did you?

-Definitely not.

-Who are you here with today?

My sister, my nephew Joshua, and my niece Mia.

There they are! Give us a wave, guys! Nice to see you.

Enjoying themselves.

If I'm telling you the truth, I already know who you're here with,

because it was Josh who wanted everyone to see this...

Yes, that is you as a young little girl. You look lovely there!

Give her a cuddle! Give her a cuddle! She's gone!

You look lovely!

Let's change the subject slightly.

How do you fancy playing a game to win prizes for your nephew Joshua,

even though he stitched you up like a kipper?

-Most definitely.

-Yeah!

-You're all right, mate!

OK, we are about to play a little game of Pairs.

Behind these doors are 12 items. Each item is part of a pair.

Find a pair, win a prize.

For example, if we were to open number 2, that'd be a red shoe.

-Nice. A lovely shoe.

-Open this one...

-Oh!

-So that wouldn't be a pair, would it?

-It wouldn't be a pair.

-Nice.

-Whose flip-flop is this?

-They're mine.

-They're yours! They're yours!

Yes, Andrea, you may recognise that flip-flop, cos that is yours

and that red shoe is yours. In fact,

every one of these doors is filled with one of your shoes.

I want to stick this one back. All right. OK.

-Now, we've got your attention.

-We HAVE.

We know you love shoes, because we've been speaking to your sister Desiree,

and planning this for days. What have you got to say?

-You wait till I get home!

-THEY CHUCKLE

OK, 60 seconds on the clock, please. Thank you very much.

-Andrea, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Mark'll do the opening doors.

Here we go. Three, two, one.

-Pick a pair.

-Six.

-Six. OK. We've got... Ooh! Lovely.

-Eight.

Six and eight, OK. Let's open that door.

-Yes! A pair!

-Well done. Next one.

-Two.

-We're going for two.

-That's the red one.

-11.

You're going for 11?

No, that is not a match. Let's close it. What are you going for?

-One.

-We're going for one. Ooh!

-11, 11, 11.

-Oh-oh-oh...

-It's a match.

-Yay!

-Four, four, four.

Four, four. Oh, I'm not fit for this! Ooh, you know this one!

-Two, two, two!

-Yeah. Whoa...

-Yes! You're doing really well.

-Three, three.

Three, three? OK. What's this one? Oh, nice one!

-Number five, number five.

-Number five?

-No.

-Shut that one. Shut that one.

-Number seven, number seven.

-You're going for number seven? I wish I was fitter!

-Number nine!

-Number nine.

-Number nine, OK. Let's open this.

-Yes!

-Number ten, number ten.

-OK, yes.

-Number three!

-OK!

Number 12.

Number five and number 12.

Yeah!

KLAXON WAILS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good!

You know... You know you said you was a fitness trainer? Oh!

Sort me out with a membership, will you? OK.

I can say that you matched all six pairs.

That's six prizes for Josh from the Wind-Up prize stack.

We want to introduce to you a couple of friends of ours.

Please give it up for Adam and Sohail.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Milk it! Milk it!

You might recognise these guys - they appeared

on another of our hit TV shows, TMi Friday.

-There they are, Sam and Mark's TMi Friday.

-Ah, the good times, eh, lads?

-The good times.

-Who was on the show? Kara Tointon and Shayne Ward.

Had fun with them, didn't we?

Hacker T Dog, as well. Look at that!

I think it's fair to say that a good time was had by all.

What was your highlight of being on TMi?

Meeting all the celebrities - they were absolutely hilarious.

-Oh, really? Nice! Which was your favourite celebrity?

-All of them.

-But Kara a bit more.

-THEY CHUCKLE

Well, the fact that we've got a bit of history with these guys

made them perfect candidates for our brand-new game In Yer Face.

-I'm going to do what you do.

-Yeah, do it.

For this game to work, we needed two people who'd recognise us

-if we bumped into them in the street.

-We also needed two people

who we had a bit of inside information on.

For example, not only do we know where you guys live,

but we know about your hobbies and where you like to hang out.

As we knew where they hung out,

we rigged those places with hidden cameras

so we could film these guys all day without them realising.

Yes, but the big question was,

could we infiltrate their lives without being recognised?

-Let's find out. Adam, say the magic words.

-Run VT.

Ah! A sunny sleepy day in Shipley.

And then we turned up!

-Right! It's time for another game of In Yer Face.

-In YOUR face!

-Not my face.

-No, not your face,

but we are going to be getting in the faces of these two.

I'm taking Sohail.

And I'm taking Adam.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

We've got loads of disguises to help us out.

Whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they uncover our true identity right in our faces,

then it's game over.

So, let's get things on course by playing round one, Golfer.

Can Sam and Mark get their golfer impressions down to a TEE?

First up, Sam.

-Oh, no.

-You got a hold of that one!

I'm not confident about this - I can't play golf to save my life.

What I want you to do is hit the ball...

-Don't you patronise me!

-Whenever you see Sohail take a shot,

I want you to comment on it.

Maybe, you know, throw in an accent or something.

Right!

HE CHUCKLES

Here we go. Here we go.

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-All right! Whoo!

Right behind you, dude!

Sohail's better than you!

Oh, man!

MARK CHUCKLES He's looking at you!

-Nice shot!

-Ooh! He looked at you funny then.

He looked at you proper funny then. He's looking at you up and down.

Oh! Come on!

I want you to do some stupid stretching now.

He's laughing at you!

Man!

Give him some advice.

Good shot, kid. Remember, on your tiptoes, yeah? Keep it good.

Hope you have a better game than me.

Man!

That was amazing!

So, Sam goes one up.

Next to tee off... it's Mark "Tiger" Rhodes.

You look like you should be in an indie band.

I know what you're saying. A really cool one?

Don't forget, if Adam outs you - if he says,

"You're Mark from Sam and Mark," it's game over.

Not going to happen, mate.

-YORKSHIRE ACCENT: I'll talk like this and keep it local.

-Here they come.

Looking at you.

YORKSHIRE ACCENT: Keep your head down, lad. Spread your legs a little.

-That's it. Go on.

-Oh, he's listening to you.

-That's it, lad. That's it, lad. Natural! Nice work.

-He's got no idea.

Well, you're a natural.

-I'd get yourself out of there.

-I'll leave you to it.

You're doing a cracking job.

Whoa! Tell you what, mate, wowsers!

Nice work. I'll see you later.

-MARK CHUCKLES

-Very good, very good!

Oh, he didn't have a clue, mate.

-No, not at all.

-We were like best friends in the end. It was amazing!

One-all. Next challenge - let's do it. Start her up.

-Start her up.

-All right.

-ENGINE TURNS OVER

-Start her up.

-Yeah, she's dead.

Mark makes it one apiece, which means it's time for round two.

Can the lads carry out their survey without being rumbled?

Hey, let's find out!

You need to go up to Sohail and ask the question,

"Which celebrity would you most like to see

"turn on the Christmas lights in Bradford?"

-Easy, mate.

-What accent are you going for?

-I'm going to go "Scor-tish".

-"Scor-tish"? Interesting.

So, I apologise to any Scottish people in advance.

Remember, if Sohail actually says,

"You're Sam from Sam and Mark," it's it. That's over.

OK, now I'm nervous.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

-EXAGGERATED SCOTS ACCENT:

-Can I ask you a quick question?

I'm doing a bit of market research.

I'm just wondering, which celebrity

would you like to see switch on Bradford's Christmas lights?

Ooh, Sohail might just have twigged what's going on,

but unless he clearly identifies Sam to his face,

then Sam is still in the game.

Oh, the two wee lads off the telly? Oh, yeah, good guys!

-I can't believe this.

-You've got another two choices.

-Simon Cowell.

-Oh, laddie. Ah, good one, laddie.

-I don't think he knows!

-Aston from JLS.

-Aston from JLS? Oh, the wee lad from JLS? The small one?

Come on, Sohail. You've got to get him!

Nice one. Cheers, mate.

Shook his hand, as well!

MARK CHUCKLES

-Wait a minute!

-Hey, he didn't say it, so I'm still in the game.

-What?!

-And we're switching on Bradford's Christmas lights.

The little fella sneaks a 2-1 lead. Next up, it's the other one.

-Are you nervous?

-Not at all, mate. Not at all.

-You are a bit, aren't you?

-Massively.

Get ready. He's coming up the hill.

This is it, mate. Don't mess it up. If you lose this, it's game over.

He's coming round the corner. Good luck.

Er, excuse me. Before you go in, could I, er...

I'm doing some market research

for Bradford Metropolitan Council. Just wondering,

which celebrity would the people of Bradford most like to see

-switch on the Christmas lights this year?

-Simon Cowell.

That would be a good one, wouldn't it? Yes. Very good.

-Popular.

-It is. All right. Thank you very, very much.

That's great market research. Thank you. Enjoy yourself. Take care.

Very good, very good.

I can say that now - you have absolutely smashed it.

I can't actually believe that we are carrying on, because it's just...

Hey, those are the rules, brother.

-I'm still in the game until he says, "You're Sam."

-Start that car up.

-All right. Let's do it.

-Owww!

Off to the next challenge!

We'll be back for that after their break. Two-all.

-OK.

-Adam, what did you suspect when you saw me at the golfing range?

Nothing. I thought you were a random person playing golf.

-We had a great time - working on our swing. Smashed it!

-Now, Sohail,

you said you wanted Mark and I to switch on the lights.

Now, was that just a coincidence, or had you rumbled me?

Well, I thought you did look like Sam, but I wasn't 100% sure,

so I just want to see your reaction when I said "Sam and Mark".

Mark, you must've been confident - you didn't put much of an accent on.

-I didn't think I needed to after your display.

-Well, that's true. So,

with the scores still at two-all, it was all still to play for.

-Let's find out what happened next. Sohail, over to you.

-Run VT.

Can these two big gobs get a note out without getting caught out?

Samuel, strike up the band.

OK, Sam, the rules are that you have to go to Sohail's house,

you have to knock on the door. When he answers it,

you need to sing him happy birthday in, er...

Well, a song of your choosing, really.

If he recognises you, remember he has to say,

"Are you Sam from Sam and Mark?" If he does that, game over, mate.

I am still in this game, and you're running scared.

I can hear it in your voice. I can hear it in your stupid voice.

-You're a stupid voice.

-Good trash talk.

-Cheers, man.

Here we go.

# Happy birthday, birthday, birthday

# It's your birthday today

# We hope that you enjoy yourself

# Because it's your birthday

# It's nice to have a birthday

# Because it's your birthday

# Happy birthday, hey!

-MIDLANDS ACCENT:

-Happy birthday, mate. Nice to meet you, Jack.

-You all right? Yeah, good to meet you, Jack.

-Are you Jack?

-It's what?

-Sohail.

-Sohail?

I thought it was Jack. Is this not number eight?

Is this not number eight?

-What number house is this?

-Six.

I'm really sorry. I've got the wrong house. I'm sorry about that.

OK, see you, mate.

HE GIGGLES

Sorry, what?

-Yes, he said, he said it!

-Finally!

Sohail...

Come here, mate. We, er...

We have been playing a game with you all day -

I think you know that, don't you?

I've not been very good today, have I?

We have been playing a game called In Yer Face,

where I've been trying to get into your life.

I was the man asking you who'd switch on the Christmas lights.

Brilliant. Well, you have just found me out, but what you don't know

is that Mark is playing this with your good friend Adam.

And what I can tell you is, at the minute,

Adam has no idea that it's Mark at all. He's not clocked at all.

-You have clocked. Do you reckon Adam will get him?

-It might take a while.

Sam's failure means the scores remain at two apiece.

If Mark avoids identification, he's our winner!

OK, dude, this could be it for you. This could be the one.

If Adam doesn't get you in this one, you've won.

Which would be nice, wouldn't it? How you feeling, mate?

Nervous. Really nervous.

Good luck, dude. Don't forget, this is it for you.

If you don't do it, it'll be a measly draw and you won't have won.

I know how much you like to win.

# Happy birthday, happy birthday

# I hope you agree

# You'll have many more birthdays, but so will me

# Grammatically, that's not correct I know that it's true

# I'm wearing red and white today but sometimes I wear blue. #

AMERICAN ACCENT: Happy birthday, Peter.

Your name's not Peter?

Your name's not Peter?! Oh, what's your name?

-Adam.

-Adam?

-Nice to meet you, Adam. This is not 23?

-No.

Where's 23?

Where's 23, man?

I can't believe this. I...

I'll let you go. I'll let you go.

I'm not from around here. I'm from America.

Ooh! Adam may well recognise him from somewhere, but unless he makes

a positive identification, Mark will win the game.

-I'll see you later, man.

-Ridiculous!

HE LAUGHS

Yeah!

So, Mark's won but could he really rub Sam's face in it

by winning another round dressed as a woman with wind?

-Mark, can you hear me?

-Loud and very clear.

Or should I say, Marquetta?

Looking good(!)

You're talking to a winner, Nixon, so pipe down.

Let's see how far we can take it.

So, Adam's going to come into the chemist.

What you need to do is pretend that you've got a really bad tummy

so ask the person at the counter

for something that could solve your tummy troubles.

-Good times.

-Good luck, dude, they're on the way.

Let's see how good you really are, Mark.

-Do you want to sit down?

->

Excuse me, love.

Excuse me, do you have anything for a windy tummy or something?

-I'm having a lot of gas at the minute. I'm so bloated.

-Oh, dear.

Oh, it's been terrible.

-I can't tell you the grief that I've had but I feel quite gassy.

-Good.

-Do you suffer from belly ache and stuff like that?

-No.

Oh! Oh, no! FARTING AND RUMBLING

I'm all right, oh.

Really?

I look like Mark from TMi?

You're right, mate, it is! How you doing?

We have been playing a little game called In Yer Face.

Sam has been playing with Sohail and I have been playing with you

and thankfully my friend, you have not noticed me

until the very end so I have won, gimme five. Yes.

I'm sure you knocked on my door.

-Who is this?

-That's Sam.

-Here he is.

-How are you?

-I'm all right.

THEY CHEER

-Have you enjoyed yourselves?

-Yes.

-We've had a great time.

It's been a crazy day, but worth it.

AUDIENCE CHEERS

I think you'll agree that Sohail and Adam have been cracking sports.

-Give them a massive round of applause.

-APPLAUSE

Welcome to the weekend!

Oh, my days! It's Sam and Mark!

Your dad isn't actually at the office today.

The Foaminator!

ANNOUNCER: That's all we've got time for today!

But join us next time on Sam And Mark's Big Wind Up

for more of this!

SCREAMING

Bye!

OK! Start the clock, will you! START THE CLOCK!

-Are you all right, Dad?

-Yeah!

-THEY LAUGH