Episode 9 Sam & Mark's Big Wind-Up

# Wind me up, put me down

# Start me up and watch me go

# Cos it's easy Once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now It's already begun. #

Ladies and gentlemen, he's Barnsley's finest export

and he's Wolverhampton's... He's from Wolverhampton!

It's Sam and Mark.

APPLAUSE

BOTH: Come on!

He's up there. He's up there.

-He's up there!

-Give me a hug!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Did you have a hug then?

-I did. Welcome to the weekend.

APPLAUSE

Put on your seatbelt, hold on tight.

Tonight's show could get a little rocky.

HORN BLARES

We have got so many surprises crammed into today's show,

it scares me.

-It scares me too.

-For example, we have got a surprise

-for two members of this audience.

-Oooh!

We've taken our hidden cameras on the road stitching people up.

Check this out.

-What's your name?

-Olivia.

-Nice to meet you, I'm Bethany.

If you look after yourself every day, you'll be as beautiful as I am.

I'm making a mess. I'll just do your thumb first.

You are freaking her out. She's saying "help" to her mum.

APPLAUSE

If you want to find out why Sam was scaring

the life out of people, keep watching.

And we've only got Pixie Lott on the show.

APPLAUSE

We'll be catching up with Pixie Lott later

and she'll perform her single All About Tonight.

This is a show with a surprise around the corner.

No-one is safe especially in this audience.

Ooh!

All right?

-OK. I would like to speak to you, Georgia.

-Hello.

-Are you all right?

-Yes, thank you.

I've heard that your dad likes to bust a few moves on the dancefloor.

-Is this true?

-Yes.

-Right, are those moves any good at all?

-No.

-Are they embarrassing?

-Yes.

-Where is your dad today?

-At work.

To tell you the truth, I've got hold of your dad's mobile number.

-Why don't we give him a buzz? Have a bit of a chinwag.

-OK.

I'll just get his number.

PHONE RINGING

-'Hello.'

-Is that Georgia's dad, Darren?

-'Yeah, hello, Sam.'

-Hiya! Where are you?

-'Backstage.'

What are you doing backstage, Darren?

'I'm getting ready to do a bit of dancing in front of the nation.'

Put the phone down and do your thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Georgia's dad.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: "Intergalactic" by Beastie Boys

Are you all right? Oi! Hey!

Oh, that was amazing! That was amazing! Are you powered up now?

-Powered up!

-Georgia, what did you think of that?

It was terrible!

Oh, yes, there's a lot of good stuff on today' show

-starting from like...now!

-Yes. Ladies and gentlemen,

give it up for a couple of friends of ours. It's Maggie and Olivia.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Yes! Yes!

-Ah!

-Ah! How are you doing, guys?

-Good.

-Lovely to have you on the show. Yes.

-Very lovely.

You might recognise these guys from another one

of our smash hit shows, TMi Friday. Let's check them out.

Yep, there's Maggie and Olivia, along with a massive balloon.

They really were good TMi-ers.

Yep, I think it's fair to say, a good time was had by all.

-Good times! Good times!

-After hanging out with us on the show,

-did you ever think our paths would cross again?

-No.

-But our paths did cross again, didn't they?

-Yes.

-They did.

In a big way. We decided that these girls were perfect candidates

for our hidden camera game, In Yer Face, for two reasons.

One - we knew where they lived

and what they liked doing in their spare time.

This meant we could go to those places and set up hidden cameras.

Two - they would recognise us if we bumped into them in the street.

That's essential in order for our game to work.

Our mission was to spend a whole day in their lives

without being recognised.

I think we should take a look and see what happened.

-Maggie, say the magic words.

-Roll VT!

Another chilled day in Chiswick.

But then we showed up.

We're here to get in someone's face.

we're going to get in the face of these two.

-I'm taking Maggie.

-And I'm taking Olivia.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

We've got loads of disguises to help us out.

And whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they uncover our true identity

and make a positive ID right in our faces, then it is game over.

Let's get ready to rumble! Round one - Fishermen.

Can Sam and Mark go fishing without being caught themselves?

Let's find out. First up, Mark.

Mark, can you hear me?

-I'm receiving you loud and clear.

-Good. You look like a garden gnome!

I feel a bit like a garden gnome! I'm not going to lie to you.

Here are the rules for round number one.

Maggie will be coming down by where you're fishing.

She's having a walk, so you need to carry on fishing.

Act like maybe you've caught something big

and maybe just say a little hello to her.

-OK, no worries.

-If she says, "You're Mark from Sam and Mark", you're out,

-right at the first hurdle.

-I know the rules of the game.

Isn't that them up the top?

Ah!

I think she's laughing at you. I don't blame her. I would be too!

She can't take her eyes off you. I don't think she's got an idea.

I haven't got a bite yet. No.

She's getting closer. She's getting closer.

It's an old trick.

He's got his welly! What an idiot!

Mark, this is the longest first hit ever.

-She might rumble you if you keep her waiting.

-OK.

That's enough fishing for today me thinks. See you soon. Bye.

He's leaving.

-That was good.

-That took ages!

-Brilliant.

-This is a rubbish bait!

-I didn't get any fish. She didn't have a clue.

-Game on. My turn.

What a plonker! Next up, it's Sam.

I don't want to rub it in or anything but I'm 1-0 up

and if you get found out here, I've won and it's a very early bath,

so you may as well go for a swim in that late.

You've just broke your rod. Here she comes, Sam, good luck.

Hello. Can you believe this?

I fish here every day for 20 years and I break my rod.

-Break my rod!

-She's looking at you really weirdly.

Even her Mum is saying, "Let's walk away from this mad head!"

She ain't got a clue. She just thinks you're weird.

-I think you sabotaged me.

-No.

-I think you unwound a screw in my rod.

-I did not.

-I'm just a lot better at fishing than you.

-Did she suspect anything?

Absolutely nothing at all. Game on then. Round two.

It is game on. It's neck and neck.

Right, next step, can these two jokers pretend to be an OAP,

ask for directions to the WC without their target making a positive ID?

Let's see. Who writes this rubbish?

Anyway, go on, Mark! Show us how it's done.

-Looking good, mate.

-Feeling good, dude.

It's one-all at the minute and the girls don't suspect a thing.

So here we go. For round two, what you're going to do is pretend,

obviously, to be an old man on your mobility scooter.

-You need to ask her where the toilet is.

-Piece of cake.

And remember, as usual, if she says, "You're Mark", it's all over.

That's not going to happen, mate. Not on this one. Definitely not.

-She ain't got a clue.

-Here she comes.

Excuse me, do you know where the toilets are please?

-Toilets?

-I'm busting.

She's got no idea.

I've just come from up there.

Is that that way? All right. Thanks very much, love.

Have a nice day.

No idea.

She is the politest child in the entire world.

She's got no idea. You can tell in her face. She's got no idea.

-You're in this for the long haul, mate.

-Get in!

-I need to up my game.

Snakes and ladders, this is good stuff.

Mark takes a 2-1 lead. Up next, Sam.

You do realise that I'm 2-1 in the lead.

If she does get you on this one, it's game over. It's game over.

Yes, I understand this. I understand the rules of this game.

Here she comes.

Excuse me. Excuse me, love.

I don't suppose you know where the nearest toilet is, do you?

Round there?

That cafe.

So just round there? OK. Thank you. Sorry.

I had corned beef hash for my tea last night

and it's not doing any good for my tummy.

-Thanks very much, love.

-That's good.

-Thanks, love.

2-2.

-Get in!

-She did look at me a little strange, I must admit.

-I wonder why?

Well, just every day this, isn't it? Next one, come on. Let's do it!

2-2. There's nothing between them.

APPLAUSE

All right, OK, first thing's first, girls.

Do you see many fishermen that look like garden gnomes where you live?

-No.

-It's funny that!

My dodgy accent? Did that raise any suspicions?

Not the accent, really. It was just...

You looked really young from far away

and then you had a beard to the floor.

-That is strange.

-Well, round two saw the oldies come out to have a party.

-Maggie, did I make a believable granddad?

-Yes.

I thought it was an old man again. I don't know. I'm really gullible!

My little cousin was like, "Isn't that Mark?"

-And I was like, "No it's not, why would he be here?"

-Interesting.

-Gullible and we're great actors.

-Well, I wouldn't go that far!

So that left things finely poised at two apiece.

What we needed was to get in your face a little bit more.

-So, Olivia, do what you've got to do.

-Roll VT.

APPLAUSE

Can these two chancers

pretend they are politicians from the completely made-up IYF party?

Let battle commence!

Dude, you look amazing.

I feel like we've gone back in time to the '70s.

For this third challenge,

you need to pretend to be a politician, hence the outfit.

You need to knock on Maggie's door

and you need to tell her about your party and what you believe in,

and then hand her a leaflet at the end of it.

OK, understood. And it will be done.

Let's pump it up, get right in her face when you hand her that leaflet.

You're preaching to the converted here.

-I always do my job, it's you that's fluffing your lines.

-You are.

-Are you nervous? Here we go.

-Good afternoon, I'm from the IYF party.

If you would like to find out who we really are,

if you want to see us uncover our identity

or come face-to-face with the truth...

..then I was wondering if you would like a leaflet?

-Do you want to know some of what we do in the party?

-Yeah.

This is very important. Erm, I Yes Feel. That's what it means.

I Yes Feel?!

That's what we stand for. Find out who we really are...

-Uncover the truth...

-And come face-to-face with the truth.

Is that OK? All right, thank you very, very much.

-Thank you for your time.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-I Yes Feel?!

I Yes Feel! It means In Yer Face! It was all very cryptic.

The best you could come up with is I Yes Feel?!

LAUGHTER

What a rubbish party! I'm not voting for you!

Shut up! It's your turn now, mate. You're in serious trouble, brother.

I Yes Feel?! What a load of cobblers. Right, come on, Sam.

It's 3-2 to my good self.

You've got to pretend to be a politician for the IYF party

-and you've got to put on your poshest accent.

-Okily-dokily.

POSH VOICE: Hello.

I'm from the IYF party,

I was wondering if you'd mind taking one of our leaflets

and putting it in your lovely front window here

so everybody can see that you will vote for the IYF?

Is that OK? Thank you very much.

If you don't mind sticking it there, that'd be great. Thank you.

All the best, have a lovely day. Goodbye.

-I can't believe that!

-I hope she sticks it in the window!

-OK, three-all.

-Excellent.

-All right.

-Let's go.

Right to the end, brother. Right to the end.

So, Sam pulls it back to three apiece.

It's time for round four - Manicure. Can Sam and...

Hang fire, who are these two lookers?

Crikey, what an absolutely cracking couple of birds. Off you go, love.

-You look beautiful.

-Five o'clock shadow's starting to appear.

If she doesn't recognise a woman with a beard, there's something wrong.

This is the fourth challenge, the big one, Mark.

You're dressed as a woman, you've got a beard,

being a beautician,

so when Maggie comes in, she's going to sit down with you,

so help get her nails looking nice, talk to her about her nails

and tell her if she looks after herself

-she'll be as beautiful as you.

-Wow, OK, I'll try my best,

but it'll be pretty difficult to look as beautiful as me.

The target has been spotted. Best of luck, mate.

If you sit here,

we've got a trainee who's going to paint your nails today.

Are you all right, Maggie?

SAM LAUGHS

I am!

-Rumbled!

-Oh, wow.

Was it the beard? I can't believe it!

Maggie, well done, high five! All right, when did you know it was me?

Just when you turned, I saw the beard.

The beard, five o'clock shadow. I knew I should've had a shave today.

We've been playing a game, Maggie, me and Sam,

a game called In Yer Face.

-You know the fisherman that looked like a gnome this morning?

-Yeah...

That was me.

The one that was asking you good morning and everything,

and you know the old-age pensioner who asked you where the toilet was?

That was me.

What you don't know is that Sam has been playing the same game

-with your friend Olivia.

-Really?

Yes. And, thanks to you knowing that I've got a beard

and I am Mark from Sam and Mark, he's got a chance of winning,

so we're going to find out whether Olivia will spot Sam

in this very salon.

Marks failure means the game is there for Sam to win.

A big moment for the little man.

If you don't get found out, you've won the game,

so this is very, very important.

You've got to do Olivia's nails.

I hope you're running scared, Rhodesy. You're out of the game.

I can take a diplomatic draw, but the way you're dressed,

if you beat me, I don't think I'll live this down.

Good look, mate. I mean that.

Hello, darling, how you doing? You all right?

What's your name, darling?

Olivia, nice to meet you, Olivia. I'm Bethany.

You're going to get your nails done today, yeah?

I can't believe she hasn't got him. He's got tattoos!

If you look after yourself every day... Look at me, I'm beautiful.

So if you look after yourself every day, you'll be as beautiful as I am.

How she's not getting you, I do not know.

I'm making a right mess of this.

Here we go. Let me do your thumb first, darling.

You are seriously freaking her out. She's saying "help" to her mum.

There you go. I'm sorry it's not a brilliant job.

-Is that all right?

-Yeah.

OK, well that's it, then, thank you very much, darling.

-I can't believe this, I've lost again.

-Bye!

You have lost again, which means Sam is the winner!

APPLAUSE

Right, first of all, Olivia, I know I make a terrifying looking woman,

but I can't believe you were so scared that you shouted for help!

-What was going through your mind at that point?

-Run!

LAUGHTER

I don't blame you, to be fair. Good answer.

Well, I did get away with it,

-so I'm happy cos I won the game!

-Yes, yeah, well done.

APPLAUSE

Yes, sadly, Maggie, you recognised me. What gave me away?

-Your beard!

-That'll do it!

And I'm sorry, I've just got to bring this up one final time,

-I Yes Feel!

-It's something that we should all live by.

-Really?!

-I don't think so! That was Mark Rhodes at his best.

-Or worst!

-Yeah!

I'm sure you'll all agree they've been fantastic sports.

-Give it up for Maggie and Olivia!

-Well done, girls.

APPLAUSE

It's the Finger Of Fun. Yeah!

Now, if you're new to Wind-Up and you don't know what the Finger Of Fun is all about,

he's in charge of finding someone who is fun, someone who is fun in this studio audience!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Finger Of Fun, it's up to you, find us a kid, but preferably two!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Who's it going to be?

Look at all these waving arms.

Hello!

It could be you.

Oh!

All right. The Finger has spoken and it looks like it's double trouble.

What are your names, Ben and Ryan?

OK, Ben and Ryan, get yourselves down here,

because it's time to have some fun, it's time for the Prize Surprise!

-All right, lads, how are you both?

-Fine.

-Are you enjoying the show?

-Yes.

-Awesome.

-Who are you here with today?

Our mum, our dad, aunt and our older brother, Jamie.

Oh, nice to see you.

It's like rent a crowd in there. Fantastic.

To be honest, lads, we already knew that.

That is not the only thing we know.

For example, we know that you, Ben, you have a pretty snazzy bedroom.

Check this out.

That, my friend, is out of this world.

All right, and, Ryan,

your bedroom is a little bit tasty also. Check this out.

-Nice.

-Wow.

-I tell you what,

when it comes to bedroom rooms, that is Premier League.

High five! Bring it! I love that.

Now, do you know why we know so much about your bedrooms?

Because they came around the house?

-Because we came round your house?

-Hey he's a spark plug.

Well, we didn't go round your house.

But earlier in the week when you guys went out

we sent someone around your house to have a mooch around.

And that certain person was Mark's pet chimp.

Guys, you might want to take a look at this.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, as you can see, chimp got up to a bit of monkey business

and he's only gone and nicked a load of stuff from your rooms.

-What? Oh!

-Oh!

I know lads, but don't worry, because he's brought the stuff back into the Wind-Up studio.

But because he's a right mischievous chimp,

he's hidden a load of possessions behind these doors.

Right, there are 12 items in total and each item is part of a pair.

-Find a pair, win a prize. It's as easy as that.

-Let us demonstrate.

If I opened door No 1, I would find myself... Oh, a trophy!

-Who's trophy is that?

-Mine.

Nice.

Well, if we open door No 6...

Oh, we have got ourselves a mask. Whose is that?

I don't know!

-Oh, no, we have gone to the wrong house.

-Oh, no.

This is not going to work.

Well, let me just say that it's not a match.

So we'd close them doors, wouldn't we?

-Do you understand the rules?

-Yes.

-Excellent. In that case,

can we have 60 seconds on the clock, please?

Ben and Ryan, best of luck, choose a pair, pick a number.

-1 and 4.

-1 and 4 OK.

1 and over here...

Oh, a lamp.

-A lamp it is not a match.

-2 and 8.

-2 and 8.

OK, 2 and 8 - we've got a hat

and then we have got... Oh, a teddy of some kind.

-Pick another pair.

-7 and 10.

-7 and 10.

Oh, where is it? I'm really slow.

-A hat and then a trophy.

-Think about it, lads.

-1 and 10.

-1 and 10.

We have got a trophy and we have got another trophy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-9 and 7.

-9 and 7.

Where's 9? That's not 9!

OK. Oh, it's a lamp.

-9 and 4.

-9 and 4.

Oh, 9 and 4.

-Oh, I'm too old for this! Yeah.

-Another one.

-8 and 5.

-8 and 5.

Teddy, teddy, teddy... and a Teddy!

-7 and 6.

-7 and 6 .

We have got yes and we have got... Ooh.

-Oh, no.

-That final one's not a match.

Oh, wow! Can I have a drink or something?

OK, I can confirm at the end of that, you matched three pairs.

Which means you have won three prizes each from the Wind-Up Prize Snatch.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's end the show with a bang.

Give it up for Pixie Lott and All About Tonight!

# I bought a new pair of shoes

# I got a new attitude, when I walk

# Cos I'm so over you

# And it's all about tonight

# I'm going out with the girls

# Ready to show all the boys what I got

# I'm letting go of the hurt

# Cos it's all about tonight

# Yeah, the night is alive You can feel the heartbeat

# Let's just go with the flow We've been working all week

# Tomorrow doesn't matter when you're moving your feet

# It's all about tonight

# We'll be dancing and singing and climbing up on the tables

# We'll be rocking this party So tell the DJ don't stop

# Grab someone if you're single Grab someone if you're not

# It's all about tonight

# And, boy, I'm not hanging on

# Cos I threw all your drama away

# Had something good but it's gone

# It's all about tonight

# They got the music so loud

# So I won't hear the phone if you call

# And we're so over now

# Cos it's all about tonight

# Yeah, the night is alive You can feel the heartbeat

# Let's just go with the flow We've been working all week. #