JLS Sam & Mark's Big Wind-Up

# Wind me up, put me down

# Start me off and watch me go

# It's easy! Once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now, it's already begun... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your hosts.

'They're cheeky, they're chirpy and, most of all, they're cheap!

'It's Sam and Ma-a-a-ark!'

# The boys are back in town

# The boys are back in town

# I said the boys are back in town

# The boys are back in town

# The boys are back in town The boys are back in town

# The boys are back in town The boys are back in town... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-BOTH: It's Friday!

-Woah!

Brilliant!

-Ah! Good audience.

-Good audience.

This show's got more shocks in store than a pair of nylon underpants.

ZZZZZTTTT!

For example, tonight, someone here will see a member of their family

disgrace themselves in public, but they don't know it yet.

-And it could be any one of you!

-AUDIENCE: Oooooh!

Let's do this thing!

OK. Look at all these scared faces.

I could be coming to talk to any one of you.

-Now I am going to speak to Jake. Hello, Jake.

-Hello.

LAUGHTER

-Now, Jake, I have heard that you have got a bit of an embarrassing dad. Is that true?

-Extremely.

-Is it true that he dresses up as a certain superhero?

-Yes.

-And what superhero is that?

-Spider-man.

-Spider-man!

Eh, that's not too embarrassing, is it?

We went to the cinema to watch Spiderman and he dared himself to go as Spiderman.

-And did he do it?

-Yes.

And there he is!

Oh, yeah!

Jakey, baby, chips 'n gravy, where is your dad today?

-He's at work.

-Actually...

-Ah!

-No, he is at work, actually.

We did try and get him into the studio but he was far too busy.

But we can go live to him at work right now! Jamie, are you there?

-Yes, I am.

-Yeah!

-Hi, Dad!

Now I understand you've got a message for Jake.

I just wanted to say sorry for all the times I've embarrassed you while wearing my Spiderman suit.

I've decided it's time to hang up the suit and promise you I'm not going to wear it ever again.

ALL: Aah!

-That was lovely. Jake, that felt pretty heart-felt that. What do you reckon?

-Yeah.

-Do you reckon he's going to stand by his word?

-Probably not.

-Probably not! Ah!

-Well, I hope he does.

-Hang on! Hang on a minute!

Who's that down there?

Oh, no! It's CBBC super-villain Dr Inconceivable

and he appears to have stolen someone's most treasured possession.

-Do you recognise it, Jake?

-That's my guitar!

-It's his guitar!

-Oh, no!

-There's only one man who can save us now!

-I'm on my way.

Yeeeaah!

# Spiderman, Spiderman

# Does whatever a spider can

# Spins a web, any size

# Catches thieves, just like flies

# Look out! Here comes the Spiderman!

CRUNCH!

BAM!

WALLOP!

CHEERING

THUMP!

# Hey there! There goes the Spiderman! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

My hero!

Ah! My hero. Give it up for Spider Dad aka Jamie, everybody!

WILD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Jake, what do you think about that? Your dad's a hero.

-Well, I didn't expect that.

LAUGHTER

'Yes! Take a lift with some random members of the public.

'Add one wind-up trumper. Pftt! And this is what you get. Pffftt!

Pftt!

Pfttt!

Pffffttt!

Pffttt!

Pfftt!

Pftt!

Pfffttt!

Pffftttt!

Pftt!

Pftt!

Pffftttt!

SHE LAUGHS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But, right now, let us introduce some friends of ours.

Everybody in the Wind-Up audience please give it up for Jess, Molly and Rebecca

and Jess's dad, Jamie!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Ah, how are you doing, girls?

-Good.

-Enjoying the show?

-Yeah.

-Excellent!

Is it true that you're massive fans of...

# Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! #

-..JLS?

-Yes.

-That's true? Excellent.

We did actually about that and couldn't resist setting up a little prank using our hidden cameras.

-Ho-ho! You know what it's like.

-Altogether, look at camera three and say, "Run VT!"

ALL: Run VT!

So there's our Wind-Up actor Barry.

He's pretending he works for JLS's security and he's got access to their entire backstage area.

-Are you all right?

-Cheers for sorting this out.

And there they are, our massive JLS fans - Jess, Molly and Rebecca, along with Jess's dad, Jamie.

He's in on the wind-up and he's pretending that he and Barry are old friends.

-You look like you've swallowed a rugby ball!

-Don't! I'm on a diet.

Right, I've got a surprise for you. Girls, you sit down.

Which one of you is a JLS fan? All three?!

I've got you access all areas tickets.

I think those faces mean that the girls are pretty excited.

So now Barry gets them to put on special backstage fleeces for security purposes.

They contain hidden microphones so we can hear everything they say. The girls don't know that.

Ladies and gentlemen, please stand-by. The tour is about to begin.

The JLS secret tour. This is exclusive to you. We don't do it for anybody else. Follow me.

Barry shows the girls the huge concert stage before taking them where no-one else gets to go.

It's JLS's dressing room. Actually, it's their fake dressing room. But the girls don't know that.

Sit down on the JLS sofa. This goes everywhere with them.

EXCITED SQUEALS

Eeeeeee!!

So welcome to our inner sanctum. What do you think?

-Ow!

-Eh? What was that, Jess?

-It's amazing.

Who's the biggest fan of the three of you. Why are you a fan of JLS?

-I just love them.

-But WHY?

-Cos their music is really cool.

-Right. That's a good answer.

-And they're fit!

-They're what?

-They're fit.

-They're fit?

-Yeah!

-I see.

-So what about you?

-Both.

-Both of them?

-Yeah.

Good songs and FIT!

-I see.

-Can we wear their clothes then?

-What?

- No! - So we look like JLS.

-Yeah.

-Haaaa!

-Now do you know what colour's whose?

-Yes.

-Which colour is Aston?

ALL: Blue.

-You're right. You can be... Who wants to be Aston?

-Me! Me!

-You can be Aston.

-Yeah!

-Who's green?

-Marvin.

-Well done. That was quick.

-I wasn't listening!

-Can you get it on over your jacket?

-Who's red?

-Oritse.

-Very good.

-JB.

-Yeah! That's obvious!

-Is he actually going to wear this?

-Yeah, tonight he will.

-Oh, my God!

-Don't tell them!

The girls actually think they're wearing the clothes that JLS will perform in tonight.

-So let's crank things up a notch. Anyone for some JLS pants?

-'Ere put them on.

LAUGHTER

I'm going to take a photograph of you.

I'm wearing Marvin's T-shirt! I'll probably get it sweaty.

Ah, the girls are falling for this hook, line and sinker. Brilliant!

Here, there's JB's. Now take a picture with your camera.

Come in the light. You can be the new JLS. Boy band acting!

We've got the girls looking pretty silly in what they think is JLS's underwear.

So now it's time to show them the band's pre-concert rituals, that we've, obviously, made up.

-Do you know what a "rider" is?

-No.

-It's a wish list.

Artists can have whatever you want in the dressing room.

If you were a big star, what would you want in your dressing room?

JLS.

LAUGHTER

-What would you want?

-Sweets.

-That's just what they want.

They eat chocolate like there's no tomorrow, but it's not any old chocolate.

It's made by a Swiss chef flown in specially for JLS.

Yeah, whatever you say, Barry!

Then they do their warm-up. Crazy guys. Have one of these. See if you can taste the difference.

Are you actually suggesting they eat JLS's chocolate?! Is that really a good idea, Barry?

'Ere, I haven't got one!

So they have their chocolate and then they do this. Do you know... # You make we wanna?

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

-# You make me wanna

-Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. #

-Do you know the moves?

-No. The whole...

-You go at the front, Jess.

-But I can't...

-You stand there. We're a boy band, right?

That's one pretty strange-looking boy band.

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! #

Check out those moves!

-# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

-She makes me wanna

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! #

Now they've mastered the moves, it's time for JLS's pre-gig warm-up routine.

It's totally fake, of course.

# You make me wanna bounce, bounce, bounce! Stop!

# You make me wanna! #

What do they look like, but they seem to be buying it. So, let's crack things up a notch?

Barry, please introduce them to the infamous JLS vase.

There's a story behind this. On the night they went to the X Factor,

they were nervous, they didn't know what was going to happen.

And Aston's mum went out and bought them some flowers.

They didn't have a vase, so she found this vase. And they did so well that night, they came...?

-Second.

-Second. And then they made a record.

Aston just happened to have this in his bag when they made that record. And that record went to number...?

-One.

-One. So every concert they do, this has been in their dressing room.

It's now priceless to JLS.

So have a feel of that. Be careful with it.

-Very nice vase.

-Come and have a look at the other stuff.

The show's changed a little bit from last time.

Now just keep an eye on Dad. Remember, he's in on this.

SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-Just tripped.

-Dear me! We'll have to get a dustpan and brush.

Don't go near it. You'll cut yourself. I'll be back in a minute.

- Did you really just do that? - I just tripped.

You've broken their precious vase! Oh, my God, Dad!

- I think I've broken my toe. - I feel so bad.

You should feel bad. You're wearing JLS's clothes, you've eaten their special chocolate

and now their precious vase is smashed and there's worse to come!

Erm...

Right. I've got some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that JLS are here and are going to come in here now. No, listen!

The trouble is, I don't have permission to be in here, Jamie.

I'm sorry! I've lied to you. I think we should hide.

Because if they come in here, I'm going to lose my job. So just hide, quick, quick!

Hide behind the table or something.

Don't make a noise! My job's on the line! Ssh, ssh! Please! I'm so sorry, Jamie!

Here come JLS and, remember, they're in on the wind-up, too.

That journey was so long, man. I'm so tired.

It's all good. Finally, innit?

Where's the chocolates at?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Who's been eating my chocolates?

Someone's been trying on our clothes!

Who smashed the vase?

Where's the security guard?

Someone's been in this room.

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Listen, I'm not a security guard. I came in cos I saw these four people in here.

They've been trying your clothes on. The guy smashed your vase.

They're down here!

-Do you think that's funny?

-One of them's the daughter. I've got photographs of them.

-I've got photographic evidence that it was them!

-It's not fair!

-This is my favourite vase! And someone's taken all of our underwear!

-They're wearing it!

This has gone far enough.

We're only joking, guys! It's all a wind-up.

Sam And Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up. You guys have just been smarked.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You all right?

-So who smashed my vase?

-That'll be me.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Are you all right?

OK, so we've just wound up these guys good and proper. It's back to Sam and Mark in the studio.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bless you!

See your faces. You went, "Oooh!"

So when did you first realise something wasn't quite right?

-When my dad smashed the vase.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Jamie, high five for your acting, my friend, because that was awesome!

-When you've got it, you've got it.

-When you've got it, you've got it, indeed!

And, girls, what was it like coming face to face with your idols, JLS?

-Amazing.

-Amazing, yeah. Jess, you are the biggest fan. What did you think when you saw them in the flesh?

-I didn't know if it was real.

-..Hysterically.

-She what, sorry?

-Giggling hysterically.

-Really? Ah, well, it was amazing.

-We are when we see them!

Please, everybody, give it up for Rebecca, Jess, Molly and Jess's dad, Jamie.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But we've done with you, because now we're going to find some more victims. I mean, sports!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-High five.

-Bring it. Yes!

-Nice to meet you, Savannah.

So...

Savannah, how are you feeling?

-Surprised.

-Now, you have no idea why you're here, do you?

-No.

-Well, Savannah, actually, it's about your mum, because...

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

Now, we've heard that she's a bit of an attention seeker.

-Would you agree with that?

-Uh-huh.

-And is it true that she makes home videos and stuff like that and puts them on the internet?

-Mm-hm.

-That must be really embarrassing. And it would be really embarrassing to show everybody, wouldn't it?

-No!

-Don't do that!

-Please, don't!

-I think we should. Are we going to see it?

AUDIENCE: YES!

-Let's take a look.

-Oh, my...

Hello. I'm Sharon. O-M-G!

Aah-ha-ha!

AUDIENCE: Ugh!

Innit?

It's quite crunchy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Erm, I think I know what you're going to say.

I'll ask you anyway. What did you think of that?

..N'ugh!

LAUGHTER

-Now your mum's not here today, is she?

-No.

-No.

-Well, we have actually tracked her down. She's in Manchester city centre.

-Yeah.

-And we can go live to her right now. Are you there, Sharon?

-Mum!

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hello. It's Sharon, everybody.

-Hi, Mum.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What is this?

That's definitely a chicken costume. Yeah.

Sharon, we are now going to make you do some really embarrassing things in public.

And you better do them, because for each task that you complete,

Savannah is going to win a prize.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Right.

-All right, your first challenge is for this massive jar of sweets.

-That's nice!

Ooh! AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

Savannah, I've only eaten a few of them.

Sharon, we want you to sing a song in the style of a chicken.

B'luck!

-LAUGHTER

-That'll do for me! Off you go!

Brilliant!

# B'luck-b'luck, b'luck-b'luck-b'luck!

# B'luck-b'luck, B'luck-b'luck-b'luck!

-# B'luck! B'luck! B'luck-b'luck B'luck-b-luck!

-I know it!

# B'luck-b'luck, b'luck-b'luck-b'luck

# B'luck-b'luck B'luck-b'luck-b'luck

# B'luck-b'luck-b'luck-b'luck! #

Fantastic!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There's your sweets, Savannah. We'll share them out later.

-I'm thinking that was Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, yeah?

-Yeah.

OK, good, good. OK, your next prize, Savannah,

-relates to your favourite group. Who might that be?

-Ooh!

LAUGHTER

-One Direction.

-Aaaaw!

-Who's your favourite member of One Direction?

-I don't have a favourite, but I have a soft spot for Louis.

-Ah! Well, here he is! I'm only...

-LAUGHTER

What are you doing?

-I'm sorry.

-That is so mean!

-That's why we call it Wind-Up, people!

-I'm sorry.

-It's so mean.

-But, but...

If your mum does get this next task right, you will win some One Direction goodies!

AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

But to win them, we are going to make Sharon eat something

and it's up to our studio audience to decide what.

-AUDIENCE: Aaaaw!

-I thought you'd like that.

-How evil do our audience look?

LAUGHTER

Well, will it be "A" - an extra hot chilli?

AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

Will it be "B" - a handful of crickets? The insects not the sport!

Or "C" - I think I know what's coming. Both!

OK?

Studio audience, shout out your answer, A, B or C, now.

AUDIENCE: C!

-You bunch of meanies!

-OK.

It looks like it's going to be both. Savannah, any words of encouragement for your mum?

-Do it for One Direction!

-Yeaaah!

-I'll do it! I'll do it!

-OK, Sharon, Here we go. Eat that chilli!

-Oh, wow!

-Right. Yeah.

-Remember, whatever you do, do not try this at home, OK?

-It's silly!

One chilli!

-AUDIENCE: Ugh!

-Eat it all!

That's got indigestion written all over it!

LAUGHTER

-Have I got to swallow it?

-Yeah.

Ooh!

-Aagh!

-Eat it!

Aaaagh! Aaaggh!

Quick! Aaagh! Quick!

Go on, give her a drink! There we go. OK?

Well done! That was the first one.

OK. But... But...

There was a second part of that challenge. Well done, Sharon.

The next bit is, you need to eat a handful of crickets - the insect, not the sport!

Here we go!

Just that little handful.

AUDIENCE: Ugh!

-Peanuts! That's what they are! They're only peanuts.

-No, they're not!

LAUGHTER

They're crickets.

-LAUGHTER

-Curry fried though, I think.

-Congratulations, Sharon.

-Yes, you have won all of those One Direction goodies for Savannah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Savannah and Sharon!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

BOTH: BRING ON THE TRUCK OF LIGHT!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

HORN HONKS

OK!

Now there is something inside this vehicle, other than Chimpy!

And Mark and I have no idea what it is, but whatever it is, we just have to go with it.

-Sam, I'm scared.

-Don't be scared! Hold my hand. It's going to be all right.

OK, Chimpy, reveal the mystery guest!

It's Ashleigh and Pudsey, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

DRUM ROLL INTRO

JAZZY DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

AUDIENCE CLAPS IN RHYTHM

Yeah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'Take one fake photo booth,

'several members of our studio audience, a water pistol

'and this is what you get!'

Aagh!

-Aaagh!

-Aaagh!

Aaagh!

Aagh! Ugh!

Ooh, my...! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ashleigh, what exactly are we going to be doing?

-Don't worry! You're not doing what me and Pudsey were doing.

-Thank goodness for that!

-You are going to be doing this lovely agility course here.

-Right.

-Let's meet your dogs. This is Paisley over here.

-Good old Paisley!

-Yawning there.

-Yeah!

-And then you've got Kiri.

-Oh, hello!

OK, so that is our challenge. But how do you lot think we'll do?

You get it right, there is a prize in it for you!

-AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

-Even Paisley woke up for that!

Each of you have two cards - a blue one, which is for me,

-and a pink one, which is for Mark.

-OK. Ooh, don't laff!

So, please, make your decisions

and raise your Sam and Mark cards now!

AUDIENCE: Whooo!!

-It's an even split, actually.

-It's not too bad, actually. Even-stevens.

-I'd say 50-50.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Nice.

-Yeah, OK.

-Am I going first then?

-Yes, you're up first. Good luck.

-Shall we come over here?

-OK, let's go over here, mate.

-Right. Sam, are you ready?

-I'm ready!

-OK.

Three, two, one, go!

Come on! Come on! This way. Through here.

Come on. Oh, this way! OK, through here!

Shall I go through?

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Over here! Over here! Over here!

No, this way! Come here!

Over here! Over here! Jump, jump, jump!

Jump, jump, jump!

AUDIENCE: Yeeeaah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good luck beating that, Mark!

-You don't actually get extra points for going through the tunnel yourself.

-What?

And also, how am I going to get in there with this dog?

OK, do want to come over here, Paisley?

Paisley, over here. Good dog. Yeah!

Right, three, two, one! Go!

In between, in between. Go on, Paisley. This way! This way!

Here, yeah!

Oh, yes! Oh, he's going away!

Paisley! Thank you.

Come on! You like it, you like it! You love it! Yes!

Through here. Jump, jump, jump!

Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done! Yeah! Good, mate!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Very good! Very good!

-What a brilliant dog you are, Paisley!

OK, so I believe, I'm guessing... You're our guest judge so...

-Yes.

-Who do you reckon won that? And can I just say, that's a smashing blouse!

-I'm sorry, Sam, but Mark is our winner.

-Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Can I just say, excellently played.

-Thank you very much.

And what a lovely, lovely dog. Thank you ever so much. Brilliant!

So it's a win for me then and it's a win for everyone who voted for me!

-Because you will all receive a no-expense spared Big Friday Wind-Up wind-up toy!

-Yeah!

AUDIENCE: Woooo!

It's almost time to wind up the show,

but not before we said thank you to everyone we've surprised tonight.

Yeah, and, of course, a massive thank you to JLS and, of course, the lovely Ashleigh and Pudsey.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We'll see you next time. Playing us out it's Scouting For Girls. Take it away!

-Aagh!

-Oh!

MUSIC: "Without You" by Scouting For Girls

# I want you back

# I want you back

# And in my head

# I keep my demons

# You were the first

# The first and last to see them

# You saved me

# And gave me

# Everything I need

# You brought me to my knees

# Cos without you, without you

# I might as well give up

# Without you, without you

# I know I'll mess it up

# But I'm wide open, still hoping

# This is just a dream

# One day I'll wake up and you'll be

# Lying next to me

# La-la, la-la

# La-la

# Cos I know that love is a strange game

# And I know that time don't heal all pain

# But I'll just keep breathing

# I'll just keep breathing

# Until we meet again

# La-la, la-la

# La-la

# Cos without you, without you

# I might as well give up

# Without you, without you

# I know I'll mess things up

# But I'm wide open, still hoping

# This is just a dream

# One day I'll wake up

# And you'll be

# Lying next to me

-# And I know, I know we can make it

-I know we can make it

# Cos I know without you I'm waiting

-# Cos I know, I know we can make it

-I know we can make it

# And I know I want you back

# I want you back. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd