Ed Petrie Sam & Mark's Weekend Wind-Down

APPLAUSE

THEY YELL

How you doing? How you doing? LOUD SLAP

Don't drop your camera!

Don't drop your camera. Heh.

-We wound up the week.

-It's now time to wind down for the weekend.

Welcome to our exclusive VIP wind-down zone, everyone.

AUDIENCE CHEERS

Wahey!

Leave him alone!

OK. So, if you did miss Big Friday Wind-up,

first off, why did you miss it?

Well, here it is, in a 30-second recap scenario.

So, we just recycled

the idea from the top of the show and crashed into some boxes.

Why not?

Acer identified his mummy in a game of mime

and raspberry-blowing.

Ed Petrie became a pirate and met his number one fan.

Georgia's dad, Colin, sang a duet with a self-service

checkout in Parents On Trial.

Ben's dad chucked Ed off set when he played As Rhyme Goes By.

And Georgia's family beat Acer's family in Splat In The Box

-and I got a bit of it on me, as well.

-You did.

You got covered, mate. So, there you have it.

That is wind-up round-up in just 30 seconds.

Mark, sum the whole 30 seconds up...

with a yodel! MARK YODELS

Not traditional, but I like it.

-Come over here. Hiya, everyone.

-Hello!

-You all right?

Acer and family,

and Georgia and Colin, with his self-service checkout.

-SELF-SERVICE CHECKOUT:

-Did you use any of your own bags?

Look at that. It's talking and everything.

-How are you doing, guys. You all right?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH On Big Friday Wind-up, Acer

and his family got absolutely covered in slime.

You still look great, though. You do look good.

-and you did win some prizes earlier, didn't you?

-Yeah.

Well, we'll be talking to you a bit later on,

but right now, look who's here!

It's Shannon Flynn. AUDIENCE CHEERS

-Hello, lovely. How're you doing?

-You all right?

-Fine, thanks.

-OK.

-Thanks for being here.

-No, listen - thanks for having me.

You are more than welcome.

I've only been trying to get on this from, like, Series 1!

Oh, really? Well, you'll love this, then.

This is a quiz, but a quiz with a difference.

Shannon, we're going to give you the answer to the question.

-What you need to tell us is what the question is.

-OK.

It's pretty simple.

Here we go. Right, the first answer is "banana".

What's the question?

Erm... OK.

Name a fruit that's yellow.

No. It's which fruit most resembles a telephone.

-BUZZER BEEPS

-So close.

That is a fact.

The next answer is why?

-Why?

-BOTH TOGETHER: Why?

Erm... Who, what, where?

Fill in the blank?

Close. It's what is the fifth longest river in the UK.

-BUZZER HONKS

-So close.

-It's the River Wye.

-You're doing well, though.

-The next answer is KATH-man-du.

-It's Kathmandu.

-It's Kathmandu.

Otherwise the gag doesn't work.

The next answer is Kathmandu.

-Kathmandu?

-Yes.

What's the question?

What rhymes with...

-We've got previous here.

-Poo.

-What rhymes with poo?

-It's not, it's not, you're close, though.

It's - what is the opposite of "dog woman don't"?

CAT MAN DO.

-Right.

-The next answer is - what. Ooh, what.

These are really difficult.

Well, they're not, because I've got the answer.

-And the question.

-What.

What's the question?

Who, where, why, fill in the blank.

No.

What is the unit of power for light bulbs? Of course it is.

It's a Watt.

-You didn't say the spelling.

-The next answer is honeycomb.

-What's the question?

-What would you like in your ice cream?

It's not, no, it's - what rhymes with bunny gnome?

KLAXON

-That's the last one and you didn't get it right.

-I could have had that.

Unlucky. Hey, Shannon Flynn, everyone,

give her a round of applause.

Still glad she was here since series one, brilliant.

Look, it's Maddy and Ruby.

Yeah! Bring it in right there.

Now, if you didn't see Big Friday Wind-Up, Maddy and Ruby,

they took part in a game of In Your House,

where I had to hide in their house.

You guys are sisters. Now, Maddy, you were in on the whole thing,

-Ruby, you weren't, were you?

-No.

-No!

What was the experience like, Maddy, for you? You were in on it.

Erm, it was really exciting because we got to meet you two.

Obvs.

Also, like...we had to hide it all from Ruby.

-It was quite hard, but, yeah.

-It WAS hard!

It was hard for me as well,

especially my first hiding position, which I don't think I've ever been

as close to the culprit of the game, right, and it was so difficult.

I was waiting there for ages at the beginning. Take a look at this.

Come downstairs, we've got a really funny video to show you.

-FROM UPSTAIRS:

-I'm not ready yet!

She's not ready yet!

-Not ready yet!

-Not ready yet!

But...you didn't see that on the VT, but you took absolutely ages.

What were you doing upstairs, Ruby?

I was getting changed.

Getting changed, doing your hair, watching telly.

I was there for hours.

That was very funny, but the funniest thing that has ever

happened on telly is when this happened.

Have a look at this.

-This is going to hurt, this is going to hurt.

-This is going to hurt.

VIDEO PLAYS

LAUGHTER

MARK GIGGLES

The hair has still not grown back fully.

I don't know if you can see it. Look, there's a line.

Can you see the line there?

-The things we do for telly, eh?

-Yeah, the things we do for telly.

It's your turn now, by the way, Mark.

-Can I have a wax strip, please?

-What? What are you doing?

Come on. Take the jacket off.

CHANTING: Do it, do it, do it.

Jacket off, roll your sleeve up. Roll your sleeve up.

Can you do me back?

Oh, dearie me. I don't know which side to do it but we'll try it.

-The sticky side, I reckon.

-DRUMROLL

There we go, that's pretty sticky. Here we go. Ready? Here we go.

Stick it on nice and hard!

-Nice and hard!

-He didn't do this in rehearsal.

-OK, here we go, ready?

-Ready?

-Yeah, go on.

-Shall I do it slowly or fast?

-Fast!

Three, two, one.

SAM YELPS

MARK WHIMPERS

Look at that.

Eurgh!

Good sport, mate, good sport.

Ow!

It's Maddy and Ruby, everybody.

APPLAUSE

-Right. Over here. You all right, mate?

-Yeah!

-Your jacket's going to stick to your arm now.

-Yup!

Right, over here. On Big Friday Wind-Up,

we found out that George's dad likes to sing

and talk to machines like self-checkout machines, doesn't he?

-Yeah.

-He's a silly sausage.

-He's a silly sausage.

What we want you to do now is judge how silly Ben, Shannon

and our lovely Ed Petrie over here is.

Yeah, cos we're going to play a game called

Are You Sillier Than This Silly Sausage?

That's what we're going to play.

We've got a silly-sausage-o-meter type thing here.

Yeah, we've got "sensible," which is not silly at all,

"occasionally foray into silly," which is on the borderline.

I would say "SILLY con carne," which is pretty silly.

"Born in the SILLY Isles," that's getting, like, really silly

but "you're such a silly sausage" is where we want to get to.

-I mean, that's crazy.

-Yeah.

So, guys, we're going to go down the line.

You've each got a thing to do and we're starting with round one -

who can pull the silliest face?

Ben.

Oh, it's good.

-Georgia, judge it. Where do you think on the silly-o-meter?

-OK.

-Do it again, do it again.

-Do it again.

-Silly con carne. Oh, no - silly con carne.

-OK, OK. Shannon.

-Oh, that's pretty silly.

-That IS silly.

Georgia, what do you reckon?

I'm going for born in the Silly Isles.

Born in the Silly Isles.

-Ed, can you go one step further and be really silly?

-I think he can.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Weird eye!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's such a silly sausage.

CHEERING

Well done, Ed. Round two is silliest dance.

Come on, Ben, I know you can do this.

Whoa!

That's not a silly dance. That's a fantastic dance, my friend.

-High five.

-Born in the Silly Isles. Well done, Georgia. OK, Shannon?

Come on.

-Oh, my hip cracked.

-Did it?

-Yeah.

-What do we think, Georgia?

-Silly con carne. Not bad.

-Sorry.

-I'm such a bad dancer, I thought that was cool.

-Oh, thanks.

Can't wait for this, then.

Here we go.

Yeah, that's silly.

He's won it again. He's a silly sausage.

APPLAUSE

Can you make it a full sweep?

Round three, we want to hear the silliest sound.

Come on, Ben.

-AS GOLEM:

-Golems loves riddleses.

-That's pretty silly.

-Yeah, that's silly sausage.

-It's a silly sausage.

Silly sausage! CHEERING

-Shannon, over to you.

-How am I supposed to compete with that?

Come on.

SHE GRUNTS

LAUGHTER

Er...

-Silly con carne.

-Unbelievable. That was the best.

Ed, come on. Clean sweep, come on.

HIGH-PITCHED, WITCH-LIKE MUTTERING

SAM CACKLES

Pretty silly, pretty silly.

That's born in the Silly Isles.

Oh, Ben.

OK, so, Shannon, unfortunately

-you didn't win a round.

-Do you know what...?

-Turn around.

-Face the wall.

-Ben, you did really well, you got one.

Ed, you are the silliest man in the world.

Sillier than that silly sausage.

APPLAUSE

All right, that was a brilliant game. It's now time for this.

CHEERING

Before Big Friday Wind-Up, we asked our studio audience

which celebrities that they get mistaken for.

Shall we have a look?

-Yeah?

-Have a look? First one, please. Let's have a look.

I'm often told I look like...

OK, we now want you to write down who you think that audience

member looks like. Go for it.

Who do you think? If you get it right, you get the point.

Oh!

-Write it down.

-Maddy and Ruby are writing down.

Shannon's writing down. This is good, this is good.

Guys, you've written one down.

What have you gone for? Show it to the camera.

-Kate Middleton.

-Oh, OK, interesting.

MADDY MUMBLES Don't worry about that.

-That's all right.

-Theirs is better than ours.

-Shannon and Ed, what have you gone for?

-What have you gone for?

-Brooke Levi Vincent from Corrie.

-Oh, OK.

-Not bad, not a bad guess.

All right, let's see if either one of you is right.

I'm often told I look like Kate Middleton.

CHEERING

-Shannon, not happy.

-Let me tell you something,

she does look like Brooke Levi Vincent from Corrie.

She does, actually, she does.

She does look more like Brooke than Kate Middleton.

-Shall we have a look at the next one?

-Yeah.

All right.

I'm often told I look like...

Oh. Tricky one.

Oh, the girls are writing it down straight away.

-I thought YOU might know.

-Here we go, Ed's got an idea.

-You write and I'll hold the sausage.

-Come on, Ed, you silly sausage.

What do you think? Don't be a silly sausage.

I'm sure everyone at home has got their own ideas.

What are you thinking?

OK, girls, what have you gone for?

Roy Keane.

The ex-Man United/Nottingham Forest footballer Roy Keane?

-Yes.

-Wow. Notts Forest football ground's over there.

-Nah, that's Man United, mate.

-OK.

LAUGHTER What are we going for?

-Michael Sheen.

-Fantastic actor.

OK, let's have a look and see if either one of you is correct.

I am often told I look like Roy Keane.

Wow! CHEERING

Smashing it.

-OK.

-This is for pride, cos this is the last one.

Wait, wait, do we get half a point for rhyming with Michael Sheen?

No, you don't! Let's have a look at the next one.

I'm often told I look like...

-Oh, tricky one.

-Think who I would know.

-Quickly, quickly, you've not long left.

-Come on, guys.

-We need an answer.

-What if I can't even think of anybody?

Well, you'll lose the game, Shannon.

No, whoever gets this one wins. We didn't say that bit.

-Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.

-OK, well, we've lost. Yeah.

-Let's have a look.

Girls, what have you gone for?

-Taylor Swift.

-Taylor Swift.

-That's a good one.

All right, let's have a look. What have you gone for?

The Queen?

-ED:

-We lost anyway.

-Let's see who's right.

-In her youth.

-"In her youth," nice.

I'm often told I look like Taylor Swift.

CHEERING

-Smashed it!

-Three in a row!

Well done, Maddy and Ruby, you have played a blinder, you have.

Well done. Unlucky. Unlucky, guys.

Thank you to everybody that's been on the show today.

-It's been wonderful.

-It has indeed.

But right now, do you remember Colin from Big Friday Wind-Up

-who sings with machines?

-How could I forget him?

Well, he's going to sing us out right now with a special guest -

a machine! Take it away, Colin.

Please scan an item or press screen to start.

# Don't go breaking my heart

# I couldn't if I tried

# Oh, honey, if I get restless

# Baby, you're not that kind... #

Please wait for assistance.

Here we go.

# Oooh-ooh

# Nobody knows it

# Nobody knows

# Right from the start

# I gave you my heart... #

Unexpected item in bagging area.

# I gave you my heart... #

Did you use any of your own bags?

# Don't go breaking my heart

# I won't go breaking your heart... #

Please wait for assistance.

# Don't go breaking my heart

# Don't go breaking my heart. #

Please wait for assistance.

CHEERING

Please, wait for assistance.