Ed Petrie Sam & Mark's Weekend Wind-Down


Ed Petrie

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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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THEY YELL

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How you doing? How you doing? LOUD SLAP

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Don't drop your camera!

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Don't drop your camera. Heh.

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-We wound up the week.

-It's now time to wind down for the weekend.

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Welcome to our exclusive VIP wind-down zone, everyone.

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AUDIENCE CHEERS

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Wahey!

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Leave him alone!

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OK. So, if you did miss Big Friday Wind-up,

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first off, why did you miss it?

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Well, here it is, in a 30-second recap scenario.

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So, we just recycled

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the idea from the top of the show and crashed into some boxes.

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Why not?

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Acer identified his mummy in a game of mime

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and raspberry-blowing.

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Ed Petrie became a pirate and met his number one fan.

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Georgia's dad, Colin, sang a duet with a self-service

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checkout in Parents On Trial.

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Ben's dad chucked Ed off set when he played As Rhyme Goes By.

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And Georgia's family beat Acer's family in Splat In The Box

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-and I got a bit of it on me, as well.

-You did.

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You got covered, mate. So, there you have it.

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That is wind-up round-up in just 30 seconds.

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Mark, sum the whole 30 seconds up...

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with a yodel! MARK YODELS

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Not traditional, but I like it.

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-Come over here. Hiya, everyone.

-Hello!

-You all right?

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Acer and family,

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and Georgia and Colin, with his self-service checkout.

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-SELF-SERVICE CHECKOUT:

-Did you use any of your own bags?

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Look at that. It's talking and everything.

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-How are you doing, guys. You all right?

-Yeah.

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THEY LAUGH On Big Friday Wind-up, Acer

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and his family got absolutely covered in slime.

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You still look great, though. You do look good.

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-and you did win some prizes earlier, didn't you?

-Yeah.

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Well, we'll be talking to you a bit later on,

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but right now, look who's here!

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It's Shannon Flynn. AUDIENCE CHEERS

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-Hello, lovely. How're you doing?

-You all right?

-Fine, thanks.

-OK.

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-Thanks for being here.

-No, listen - thanks for having me.

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You are more than welcome.

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I've only been trying to get on this from, like, Series 1!

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Oh, really? Well, you'll love this, then.

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This is a quiz, but a quiz with a difference.

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Shannon, we're going to give you the answer to the question.

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-What you need to tell us is what the question is.

-OK.

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It's pretty simple.

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Here we go. Right, the first answer is "banana".

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What's the question?

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Erm... OK.

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Name a fruit that's yellow.

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No. It's which fruit most resembles a telephone.

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-BUZZER BEEPS

-So close.

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That is a fact.

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The next answer is why?

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-Why?

-BOTH TOGETHER: Why?

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Erm... Who, what, where?

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Fill in the blank?

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Close. It's what is the fifth longest river in the UK.

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-BUZZER HONKS

-So close.

-It's the River Wye.

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-You're doing well, though.

-The next answer is KATH-man-du.

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-It's Kathmandu.

-It's Kathmandu.

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Otherwise the gag doesn't work.

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The next answer is Kathmandu.

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-Kathmandu?

-Yes.

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What's the question?

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What rhymes with...

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-We've got previous here.

-Poo.

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-What rhymes with poo?

-It's not, it's not, you're close, though.

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It's - what is the opposite of "dog woman don't"?

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CAT MAN DO.

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-Right.

-The next answer is - what. Ooh, what.

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These are really difficult.

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Well, they're not, because I've got the answer.

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-And the question.

-What.

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What's the question?

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Who, where, why, fill in the blank.

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No.

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What is the unit of power for light bulbs? Of course it is.

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It's a Watt.

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-You didn't say the spelling.

-The next answer is honeycomb.

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-What's the question?

-What would you like in your ice cream?

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It's not, no, it's - what rhymes with bunny gnome?

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KLAXON

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-That's the last one and you didn't get it right.

-I could have had that.

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Unlucky. Hey, Shannon Flynn, everyone,

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give her a round of applause.

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Still glad she was here since series one, brilliant.

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Look, it's Maddy and Ruby.

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Yeah! Bring it in right there.

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Now, if you didn't see Big Friday Wind-Up, Maddy and Ruby,

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they took part in a game of In Your House,

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where I had to hide in their house.

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You guys are sisters. Now, Maddy, you were in on the whole thing,

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-Ruby, you weren't, were you?

-No.

-No!

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What was the experience like, Maddy, for you? You were in on it.

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Erm, it was really exciting because we got to meet you two.

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Obvs.

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Also, like...we had to hide it all from Ruby.

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-It was quite hard, but, yeah.

-It WAS hard!

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It was hard for me as well,

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especially my first hiding position, which I don't think I've ever been

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as close to the culprit of the game, right, and it was so difficult.

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I was waiting there for ages at the beginning. Take a look at this.

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Come downstairs, we've got a really funny video to show you.

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-FROM UPSTAIRS:

-I'm not ready yet!

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She's not ready yet!

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-Not ready yet!

-Not ready yet!

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But...you didn't see that on the VT, but you took absolutely ages.

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What were you doing upstairs, Ruby?

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I was getting changed.

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Getting changed, doing your hair, watching telly.

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I was there for hours.

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That was very funny, but the funniest thing that has ever

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happened on telly is when this happened.

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Have a look at this.

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-This is going to hurt, this is going to hurt.

-This is going to hurt.

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VIDEO PLAYS

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LAUGHTER

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MARK GIGGLES

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The hair has still not grown back fully.

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I don't know if you can see it. Look, there's a line.

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Can you see the line there?

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-The things we do for telly, eh?

-Yeah, the things we do for telly.

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It's your turn now, by the way, Mark.

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-Can I have a wax strip, please?

-What? What are you doing?

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Come on. Take the jacket off.

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CHANTING: Do it, do it, do it.

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Jacket off, roll your sleeve up. Roll your sleeve up.

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Can you do me back?

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Oh, dearie me. I don't know which side to do it but we'll try it.

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-The sticky side, I reckon.

-DRUMROLL

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There we go, that's pretty sticky. Here we go. Ready? Here we go.

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Stick it on nice and hard!

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-Nice and hard!

-He didn't do this in rehearsal.

-OK, here we go, ready?

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-Ready?

-Yeah, go on.

-Shall I do it slowly or fast?

-Fast!

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Three, two, one.

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SAM YELPS

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MARK WHIMPERS

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Look at that.

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Eurgh!

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Good sport, mate, good sport.

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Ow!

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It's Maddy and Ruby, everybody.

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APPLAUSE

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-Right. Over here. You all right, mate?

-Yeah!

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-Your jacket's going to stick to your arm now.

-Yup!

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Right, over here. On Big Friday Wind-Up,

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we found out that George's dad likes to sing

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and talk to machines like self-checkout machines, doesn't he?

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-Yeah.

-He's a silly sausage.

-He's a silly sausage.

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What we want you to do now is judge how silly Ben, Shannon

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and our lovely Ed Petrie over here is.

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Yeah, cos we're going to play a game called

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Are You Sillier Than This Silly Sausage?

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That's what we're going to play.

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We've got a silly-sausage-o-meter type thing here.

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Yeah, we've got "sensible," which is not silly at all,

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"occasionally foray into silly," which is on the borderline.

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I would say "SILLY con carne," which is pretty silly.

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"Born in the SILLY Isles," that's getting, like, really silly

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but "you're such a silly sausage" is where we want to get to.

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-I mean, that's crazy.

-Yeah.

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So, guys, we're going to go down the line.

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You've each got a thing to do and we're starting with round one -

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who can pull the silliest face?

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Ben.

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Oh, it's good.

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-Georgia, judge it. Where do you think on the silly-o-meter?

-OK.

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-Do it again, do it again.

-Do it again.

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-Silly con carne. Oh, no - silly con carne.

-OK, OK. Shannon.

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-Oh, that's pretty silly.

-That IS silly.

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Georgia, what do you reckon?

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I'm going for born in the Silly Isles.

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Born in the Silly Isles.

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-Ed, can you go one step further and be really silly?

-I think he can.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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-Weird eye!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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He's such a silly sausage.

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CHEERING

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Well done, Ed. Round two is silliest dance.

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Come on, Ben, I know you can do this.

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Whoa!

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That's not a silly dance. That's a fantastic dance, my friend.

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-High five.

-Born in the Silly Isles. Well done, Georgia. OK, Shannon?

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Come on.

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-Oh, my hip cracked.

-Did it?

-Yeah.

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-What do we think, Georgia?

-Silly con carne. Not bad.

-Sorry.

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-I'm such a bad dancer, I thought that was cool.

-Oh, thanks.

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Can't wait for this, then.

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Here we go.

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Yeah, that's silly.

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He's won it again. He's a silly sausage.

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APPLAUSE

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Can you make it a full sweep?

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Round three, we want to hear the silliest sound.

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Come on, Ben.

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-AS GOLEM:

-Golems loves riddleses.

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-That's pretty silly.

-Yeah, that's silly sausage.

-It's a silly sausage.

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Silly sausage! CHEERING

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-Shannon, over to you.

-How am I supposed to compete with that?

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Come on.

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SHE GRUNTS

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LAUGHTER

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Er...

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-Silly con carne.

-Unbelievable. That was the best.

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Ed, come on. Clean sweep, come on.

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HIGH-PITCHED, WITCH-LIKE MUTTERING

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SAM CACKLES

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Pretty silly, pretty silly.

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That's born in the Silly Isles.

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Oh, Ben.

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OK, so, Shannon, unfortunately

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-you didn't win a round.

-Do you know what...?

-Turn around.

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-Face the wall.

-Ben, you did really well, you got one.

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Ed, you are the silliest man in the world.

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Sillier than that silly sausage.

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APPLAUSE

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All right, that was a brilliant game. It's now time for this.

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CHEERING

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Before Big Friday Wind-Up, we asked our studio audience

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which celebrities that they get mistaken for.

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Shall we have a look?

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-Yeah?

-Have a look? First one, please. Let's have a look.

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I'm often told I look like...

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OK, we now want you to write down who you think that audience

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member looks like. Go for it.

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Who do you think? If you get it right, you get the point.

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Oh!

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-Write it down.

-Maddy and Ruby are writing down.

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Shannon's writing down. This is good, this is good.

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Guys, you've written one down.

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What have you gone for? Show it to the camera.

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-Kate Middleton.

-Oh, OK, interesting.

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MADDY MUMBLES Don't worry about that.

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-That's all right.

-Theirs is better than ours.

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-Shannon and Ed, what have you gone for?

-What have you gone for?

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-Brooke Levi Vincent from Corrie.

-Oh, OK.

-Not bad, not a bad guess.

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All right, let's see if either one of you is right.

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I'm often told I look like Kate Middleton.

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CHEERING

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-Shannon, not happy.

-Let me tell you something,

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she does look like Brooke Levi Vincent from Corrie.

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She does, actually, she does.

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She does look more like Brooke than Kate Middleton.

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-Shall we have a look at the next one?

-Yeah.

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All right.

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I'm often told I look like...

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Oh. Tricky one.

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Oh, the girls are writing it down straight away.

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-I thought YOU might know.

-Here we go, Ed's got an idea.

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-You write and I'll hold the sausage.

-Come on, Ed, you silly sausage.

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What do you think? Don't be a silly sausage.

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I'm sure everyone at home has got their own ideas.

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What are you thinking?

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OK, girls, what have you gone for?

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Roy Keane.

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The ex-Man United/Nottingham Forest footballer Roy Keane?

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-Yes.

-Wow. Notts Forest football ground's over there.

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-Nah, that's Man United, mate.

-OK.

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LAUGHTER What are we going for?

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-Michael Sheen.

-Fantastic actor.

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OK, let's have a look and see if either one of you is correct.

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I am often told I look like Roy Keane.

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Wow! CHEERING

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Smashing it.

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-OK.

-This is for pride, cos this is the last one.

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Wait, wait, do we get half a point for rhyming with Michael Sheen?

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No, you don't! Let's have a look at the next one.

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I'm often told I look like...

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-Oh, tricky one.

-Think who I would know.

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-Quickly, quickly, you've not long left.

-Come on, guys.

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-We need an answer.

-What if I can't even think of anybody?

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Well, you'll lose the game, Shannon.

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No, whoever gets this one wins. We didn't say that bit.

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-Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.

-OK, well, we've lost. Yeah.

-Let's have a look.

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Girls, what have you gone for?

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-Taylor Swift.

-Taylor Swift.

-That's a good one.

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All right, let's have a look. What have you gone for?

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The Queen?

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-ED:

-We lost anyway.

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-Let's see who's right.

-In her youth.

-"In her youth," nice.

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I'm often told I look like Taylor Swift.

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CHEERING

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-Smashed it!

-Three in a row!

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Well done, Maddy and Ruby, you have played a blinder, you have.

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Well done. Unlucky. Unlucky, guys.

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Thank you to everybody that's been on the show today.

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-It's been wonderful.

-It has indeed.

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But right now, do you remember Colin from Big Friday Wind-Up

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-who sings with machines?

-How could I forget him?

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Well, he's going to sing us out right now with a special guest -

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a machine! Take it away, Colin.

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Please scan an item or press screen to start.

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# Don't go breaking my heart

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# I couldn't if I tried

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# Oh, honey, if I get restless

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# Baby, you're not that kind... #

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Please wait for assistance.

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Here we go.

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# Oooh-ooh

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# Nobody knows it

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# Nobody knows

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# Right from the start

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# I gave you my heart... #

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Unexpected item in bagging area.

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# I gave you my heart... #

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Did you use any of your own bags?

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# Don't go breaking my heart

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# I won't go breaking your heart... #

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Please wait for assistance.

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# Don't go breaking my heart

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# Don't go breaking my heart. #

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Please wait for assistance.

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CHEERING

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Please, wait for assistance.

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