Episode 5 Sarah Jane's Alien Files

I'm Sarah Jane Smith. I defend the world from aliens. These are my Alien Files -

the collected information gathered by me and the rest of the Bannerman Road gang about extra-terrestrials

that have threatened our planet and might do so again.

The universe is amazing, and don't be fooled by what some people might tell you -

it's full of strange and wonderful life.

I've met so much of it out there among the stars, and here on Earth.

But not all of it is friendly.

Pay attention, because, one day, Earth might be depending on you.

Entering Sarah Jane's Alien Files, this time, are the all-controlling Berserkers,

plus the alien truth behind the world's most famous painting, the Mona Lisa.

OK, Mr S. Keep still for a few minutes longer.

Maintaining visual outward stasis is more operationally draining than you might imagine, Clyde.

I would appreciate a swift move to more pressing matters, as agreed.

After all, I was not designed to be an artist's muse.

You can say that again. It does not matter, because the Picasso of Bannerman Road is finished.

-Have I got you?

-Yes, Clyde, you do exhibit a talent for manual image creation

that would become especially useful if the camera were ever to be uninvented.

OK.

Mr Smith, a deal's a deal.

You sat for me, now you get to pick my alien-whooping brain.

Clyde's Guide to Alien Behaviour and Whatnot for Sarah Jane's Alien Files.

Information upload to the Alien Files commencing in three, two, one.

Might I suggest, if the memory of events are not too painful,

that you focus first on the time your father reappeared in your life,

and the alien warrior technology that took control of him?

The Berserker. If ever there was a day I wouldn't want to live again, it was that one.

It started with a ring at the door.

-Hello, son.

-Dad?

I think you can safely say that was totally, definitely and absolutely the last thing

I was expecting to happen.

-Nice place.

-What do you want, Dad?

I had business over here, thought I'd pay you a visit. That's all right, isn't it?

It's been five years.

I detect that your father's return provoked in you a complicated emotional response?

You're telling me.

He'd let me down before, my dad,

but that didn't stop me wanting to impress him as soon as he turned up again.

Big mistake.

I knew that Sarah Jane would go ballistic if she found out,

but I couldn't resist telling Dad what we did and showing him the attic and the amazing things in it.

Here...is the attic.

-It's alien. Do you get what that means?

-Alien. Yeah, right.

Come on, then. Show me something alien, hmm?

Come on. Sell it to me.

Well... We have this mate who lives in America, but Sarah Jane has this.

Hey, hey, Maria. This friend of Sarah Jane

has given her this holographic postcard whatsit thing, so...

-Hi, Maria. We miss you.

-Soft boy!

'I wanted him to think I was cool, and I think you'd have to say I succeeded.'

See?

Alien tech.

Sarah Jane had laid down strict rules about entering the attic in her absence.

I knew it was against the rules, but this was my dad.

Suddenly everything felt different.

That's Mr Smith.

He is basically this big alien computer.

You say, "Mr Smith," and then...

'My dad wasn't listening. He was more interested in a pendant that he'd spotted.

'Rani found it at school and realising it had alien properties

'she left it in the attic so you could analyse it, Mr Smith, when Sarah Jane got back.'

Dad, what are you doing?

Just looking.

The artefact your father had taken was, in fact, a Berserker pendant.

OK, Mr Smith. Time for that data analysis thing you do. Berserker pendants are...?

Berserker pendants are talismans worn by a Norse tribe who were actually a warlike alien race.

Use of the pendant affects its wearer both mentally, by increasing aggression levels,

and physically, producing the Berserker symbol on the palm

and then ever more prominent blue blood veins across the surface of the skin.

The pendant allows its wearer to gain power over the actions of those around them.

To sum up, the Berserkers are alien originators of a warlike Norse tribe,

and use of personality-changing pendants

was fundamental to expanding the armies of these ferocious warriors.

My dad found out how the pendant's powers worked by chance

when Mr Chandra came over to give us a grilling about why we were hanging around Sarah Jane's place.

-Can I ask what you are both doing here?

-Er...

Come on, mate, it's not that serious. Just drop it, eh?

-You want to watch it with the pizza, though. Cholesterol city.

-Thank you, I do plenty of exercise.

-With all that pizza, too right. You should exercise, mate.

-I should exercise...

Mr Chandra!

Is he? He is.

He's doing what I tell him.

Oi, mate, jogging's for wimps. Get doing some push-ups, yeah?

You have to admit, that was kind of fun.

My analysis suggests that this is a scenario devoid of humour.

Mr Chandra's repetitive actions could have resulted in severe injury, a distinctly non-comic outcome.

Yep, yep. You're right, Mr Smith.

A control-freak headmaster losing power over his own body

and unable to stop himself doing press-ups - there's nothing funny about that(!)

I am pleased to know we are in agreement.

There was definitely nothing funny about what happened next.

Jogging's for wimps, I'm doing press-ups.

What's happened?

Have you taken something that doesn't belong to you?

Don't you go around accusing my dad of nicking stuff.

-Who do you think you are?

-You take your dad up to the attic

and suddenly my dad's doing what your dad says.

Clyde, mate, I really can't be bothered with all this.

-Rani, perhaps we should go inside and speak to Mr Smith.

-Clyde!

Yeah, I'm coming, Dad.

Good. Oh, and Clyde, forget about those two.

-See? He's got it.

-I want you to forget about them completely.

Clyde?

I'm...I'm fine.

Clyde! Clyde, wait...

Sorry, do I know you?

Luke's like my brother and Rani's the most...

Rani's great, too. But I didn't care about them one bit.

I can remember thinking that now it was Dad and me again, nothing else mattered.

And now he knew the pendant's powers, my dad didn't waste any time using them.

Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you?

All right, mate? We are looking for a motor.

-Something flashy, something that will turn a few girls' heads.

-Of course, sir.

-Just out of interest, what sort of price range are we looking at?

-Oh, money's not a problem.

-We do offer a number of different payment schemes.

-Save the patter, mate.

I'm having this one.

It is a bit on the expensive side, sir.

I'm sure it is, but you're going to give it to us for free.

CRACKLING

I'm...I'm going to give it to you for free.

My dad certainly wasn't hanging about.

He wanted control over everything and everyone.

So, next, it was off to the shops.

Whatever my dad asked for, he got.

It was amazing.

Loads of cool gear for free.

I knew it wasn't right, but it was impossible not to get swept along.

Even when he wiped memory of my mum.

That is what the pendant does and why it has to go in the Alien Files.

The scariest thing is, I know there's a lot of me that's just like my dad.

Maybe one day that's how I'll end up.

Human character development is not only a matter of family DNA, Clyde.

The influence of experience and, crucially, of friends, are also major factors.

Luckily, my friends, who I'd told to take a running jump, was still looking out for me.

Even friends on the other side of the Atlantic.

BEEPING

-What is it, Dad?

-Your computer's beeping.

With you disabled, Mr Smith, Luke and Rani needed another way to find out

what was going on with this pendant, so they improvised...

-Hey, how are you?

-..by contacting Maria in America.

Well, it was her dad whose help they were really after.

You can hack into any computer, can't you, Mr Jackson?

We need you to get into UNIT, see if they know what this pendant is.

We're sending over a picture now. It's a drawing of an alien pendant.

OK. Let's do it.

Maria's dad discovered just how dangerous the pendant could be.

-Oh, my God.

-Dad?

-That's the UNIT archives, a photo, December 1940.

-What is it?

It's what happens to you when you use the pendant.

I didn't need any UNIT computers, though.

I was getting a good look at how the Beserker Pendant works close up for myself.

Dad and I headed to the docks.

He was after a yacht.

There's nothing stopping us.

We can go anywhere out there. SQUELCHING

Argh!

Dad?

But he'd used the pendant one time too often and here he was turning into a Beserker.

-And I had no idea how to stop it.

-Boat.

SQUELCHING Argh!

'I shouldn't have let it get to this. That's worth putting in the alien files.'

Someone help me, please!

'If something's not right, you need to act straightaway, not just go with the flow like I'd been doing.

'Luckily, help was at hand.

'My mum, Luke and Rani had found us.

'Not that I knew who they were.'

Please, will you help us?

-What's happening to me?

-Mr Langer, it's the pendant.

Every time you use it, it overpowers you.

Clyde, get back, it's not safe.

He's my soldier and you can't stop us, because if you do, if you try to,

I'll tell you to walk into the water. I'll destroy you all.

This whole world will do as I say!

Dad, please.

I'm a Beserker

and you will follow my orders.

Oh, I don't think so.

'At last, someone I recognised. Not wiped from my memory by my dad.'

I don't understand. What's happening?

These people reckon I should know them but...I don't.

It's the strangest feeling I've felt in my life.

I can remember thinking, "Who on earth are this lot?"

but at the same time, I could tell I knew them somehow.

'But then there was this voice telling me that I didn't. Weird.

'But now Sarah-Jane was here, Maria's dad had tracked her down

'and she knew how to turn this raging Beserker back into my dad again.'

Look...at the mirror. Look at your reflection.

That isn't you.

Just remember what you are.

Remember before the pendant, no Beserkers, no mind control.

That's not you, Paul. You need to remember who you are.

Aggh!

Aggh!

That's it. You're human, just like the rest of us.

Hi, Mum.

Oh, my darling!

'So, the nightmare was over.

'I had my mum and my friends back, and my dad was back to normal.

'And before I knew it,

'he was out of my life once more.'

I guess me and my dad are never going to be that close.

Nevertheless, my supposition is that he is appreciative of what you did to save him.

I can't be thinking about him all day.

Not when there's the planet to save.

Indeed, full concentration has been essential in repairing alien threats

as diverse as Kudlak and the Trickster.

Although I note that you always find time in your busy schedule for your art.

Although, being a whizz with the old paints can get complicated, too.

I assume you are referring to the alien encounter that was not so much

about an invading hoard, as a priceless work of art.

Yeah. Who would have thought that the world's most famous painting would have an alien connection?

It was an adventure full of surprises. The first was at school,

when Mr Chandra came in with news about an art competition.

Tomorrow morning,

this entire class will be the first members of the public to see...

..the Mona Lisa, here in the UK.

-And all thanks to Clyde.

-Bit of a shock, winning the competition.

Not the winning bit, just that I hadn't entered it.

I'd never do anything like that, but Luke had done it without telling me.

One of the surprises you humans enjoy so much.

Too right. I was well chuffed.

No way!

-Is something wrong?

-It's just...

..my work in a proper gallery.

And so to the prize.

Prepare to meet the Mona Lisa.

So this was exciting, the most famous painting ever

in a private viewing just for us, and not an alien in sight.

Or so we thought.

Feast your eyes and lose your hearts.

I give you...

..the Mona Lisa.

She has let herself go!

Isn't that his assistant?

Security! The Mona Lisa has been stolen!

This wasn't just an art theft, it was much weirder than that.

It was like a kidnapping at the same time.

Because the woman in the Mona Lisa's place was Phyllis Truck,

assistant to the gallery's curator, Lionel.

How on earth had she got in the picture, and where had the Mona Lisa gone?

SCREAMING

We started to investigate. And my painting threw up another surprise.

-Clyde?

-Yes, I know, my picture would look great in your lounge.

Just get your dad to make me an offer.

-I don't want your painting, I want to know what happened to the gun that was in it!

-Galaxia's gun?

Who's?

-OK, so I gave them names. Can we move on now? What matters is...

-What are you doing here?!

The police are conducting an investigation.

They don't need a bunch of school children roaming around, disturbing evidence.

It isn't just your precious Mona Lisa that's been stolen, is it?

One of the guns in Clyde's painting has vanished. Look!

It's dry.

The gun wasn't painted out, Mr Harding. It was taken.

-Whatever we're dealing with, it's more than just an art thief.

-Oh, you better believe it, sugar.

She's got my gun!

-Run for it!

-SHE LAUGHS

The Real Mona Lisa shooting at us with a weapon stolen from my painting. Talk about weird.

Lionel Harding, the gallery's curator, seemed thrilled, though,

to be meeting his favourite painting in the flesh.

It IS you!

It really is you!

And YOU are going to have to get used to that

-because we've got a lot of work to do.

-I don't understand.

We have to find my brother.

What does he look like, your brother?

I've never seen him so I haven't got a clue.

But he'll have been painted around the same time as me.

The same place as me.

Next door, in fact.

I've got it! Follow me.

Pretty freaky, hey? And well worth including in the alien files.

A painting, come to life, looking for another painting,

which it calls her brother.

Time for the low-down on the alien connection with the Mona Lisa and her brother, Mr Smith.

The Mona Lisa was actually painted six times by Leonardo da Vinci.

After being commissioned in 1505 by a Captain Tancredi,

who was, in fact, Skaroff, the Jagaroff, posing as a human.

Leonardo borrowed paint from his neighbour,

another artist called Giuseppe di Cattivo,

not realising that the paint originated from sentient minerals

carried to Earth in a meteorite.

One of di Cattivo's paintings that had been created with the same paint

was also being stored in the international gallery.

It was this painting that Mona Lisa called her brother.

And the Mona Lisa's brother wasn't just a nice farmyard scene or a bowl of fruit, was it?

It was a work of art called The Abomination.

Painting it drove di Cattivo insane.

To ensure that no-one else ever laid eyes on what he had created,

he locked in a wooden case, secured with a Chinese puzzle.

A sight so horrific that if you look at it once, you go mad.

There are few like that teaching maths and my school.

To sum up, the Mona Lisa is a masterpiece with an unexpected alien connection,

as sentient minerals contained in its paintwork can lead to the animation

of its highly unpredictable subject - Mona Lisa herself.

Definite traces of alien energy.

Sarah Jane had heard on the news what had happened

and knew that we were there, so she headed straight to the International Gallery.

And straight into trouble.

No! HE SCREAMS

That's Mum!

-Sarah Jane!

-Mum!

Luke...

Sarah Jane had wanted to put herself in the picture, and

that's exactly what happened, but not in the way she had intended.

No...

Mum!

SCREAMING

I'd heard have been immortalised in oils, but this was ridiculous.

What can it have been like for poor Sarah Jane?

Stuck there, powerless to do anything inside a painting.

So, while Sarah Jane was otherwise engaged, it was down to us to try to

stop the madness the Mona Lisa was letting loose in the gallery.

Run!

He's right behind us!

You might ask, how come Mona Lisa had been brought to life

and was able to do the same to other paintings?

It's a picture come to life, he can fire is many times as he likes!

Well, let Clyde explain. It was all down to the paint Leonardo Da Vinci had used to create her,

the living paint extracted from the meteor, which had created an energy that could bring paintings to life.

The same paint was also used to create The Abomination, the painting Mona Lisa called her brother.

Once she's unlocked her brother she'll be finished with you.

Helping her is going to make any difference.

Believe me...we're both going to get abominated.

I know. But what can I do now?

The Abomination had been locked away in the gallery's vault for years, but because the two paintings,

The Abomination and the Mona Lisa, were now close to each other, that allowed them to come to life.

The Abomination was still locked in its case, and that was lucky, judging by the noise it was making.

-CHAINS RATTLE

-If you ask me, it doesn't seem all that pleased to see you.

You show some respect for my brother in living paint!

Once he's out of there, then you'll see some fireworks.

-Lisa, you can't do this.

-He's right. You can't.

-What's this?

Remember where you've left your backbone of a sudden?

No...

the puzzle lock is missing.

Where is it?

-Giuseppe's Chinese puzzle lock.

-Luke worked out that the puzzle lock

that would open the cabinet The Abomination was held in was another exhibit in the museum.

This is the key to The Abomination.

Somehow it was separated from the painting and catalogued by the gallery as another work of art.

No-one ever realised what it really was.

But if Mona Lisa wants to free The Abomination, she'll need this.

-We can use that to force her to release Mum.

-You're going to bargain with her?

It's a nice idea, kid, but I don't do deals.

Not while I'm packing heat.

Go fetch!

If you fire that blaster at us, you'll destroy the puzzle lock.

That's why I'm not going to fire it. Unless you do something stupid, like smash the puzzle, which you won't,

because I've got your friend, Clydey.

SHE CHUCKLES

But when it looked like Mona Lisa was about to get her hands

on the puzzle lock, it was Lionel's turn to spring a surprise.

Now, give me the puzzle lock.

Not until you have released Miss Trubb and this young man's mother.

You won't.

You wouldn't dare!

No-o-o-o!

ROARING

Oh, you're so going to wish you hadn't done that.

Well, for about a second, anyway.

No! Don't.

There's another way to release The Abomination. I can help you.

Turned out this other way to release The Abomination relied on Leonardo

da Clydey's ability to draw an exact copy of the puzzle lock.

Just do it.

Mind you, as that was going to uncage The Abomination,

it didn't seem like one of Lukey's better plans.

But he's a boy genius, so sometimes, you just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Give it to me!

-I hope you know what you're doing, my padawan.

-That's not bad, Clydey.

-That's not bad at all.

-Using the living paint energy,

Mona Lisa turned my drawn puzzle lock into a real one.

-I have it.

-I really hope you know what you're doing!

Here, my brother.

Your deliverance.

You are free.

I was beginning to think Luke had got it horribly wrong, but I shouldn't have doubted him.

-It's coming out!

-Don't look at it!

My brother!

He'd remembered that I had done a sketch of K-9 on the next page

in the pad, so when all that living paint energy was flying about, it also brought K-9 to life.

Who let that little mutt in here?

Don't mess with my dog, Lisa!

And he's more than a match for any Abomination.

No!

No, my brother, don't abandon me. No!

No...!

Oh, Miss Trubb!

Phyllis.

I've had the most bizarre dream.

Oh, Luke!

To conclude, Clyde, uploading two new entries

into the alien files as a permanent record

for all to learn about these deadly threats to Earth's safety.

The Beserkers:

Alien originators of a Norse warrior race.

The personality-changing pendants they utilise to help expand

their armies can have a drastic effect on anyone who uses them.

Do not be tempted to make use of one as only disaster can ensue.

The Mona Lisa:

This masterpiece, created by one Earth's greatest artists,

has an alien connection in the form of its paint,

made from sentient minerals, extracted from a meteor.

Its subject, Mona Lisa, if brought to life,

is unpredictable and dangerous.

The painting must be kept away from The Abomination,

to prevent them both reanimating once more.

So, if you ever come across any of this lot and the professionals

aren't around to help you, now you know what to do.

Think clearly, act decisively and expect the unexpected,

and try to make sure there's a genetically-modified boy genius

about the place - it can come in useful.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd