Episode 4 Sarah Jane's Alien Files

My name is Sarah Jane Smith.

These are my Alien Files, the collected information gathered

by me and the rest of the Bannerman Road gang about extra-terrestrials

that have threatened our planet and might do so again.

The universe is amazing, and don't be fooled by what

some people might tell you. It's full of strange and wonderful life.

I've met so much of it out there among the stars, and here on Earth.

But not all of it is friendly.

Pay attention because one day Earth might be dependent on you.

Entering the Alien Files this time are the slithery Slitheen, their

untrustworthy Blathereen cousins and their deadly gift of rakweed.

Sarah Jane, would I be correct in assuming that is an email to Luke?

That's right. It's so strange, Mr Smith. I was alone for so long after

I stopped travelling with the Doctor, and then Luke arrived...

And then you dreaded his growing up, and being alone again.

-I wasn't aware that Xyloks could read minds.

-We cannot.

But I have become sufficiently familiar with human feelings

to estimate successfully your reaction to his leaving.

Yes, sometimes I forget he's not here for a moment and then

it's like a wave hitting you.

On the positive side, he did take K-9 with him.

Now, now, come on, Mr Smith.

Whatever you say, K-9 is still the closest thing you have to family.

And we all need family.

Unfortunately, family ties are not always such a good thing, Sarah Jane.

For example, some alien kinsfolk that we

have had the misfortune to encounter.

Well, I assume you're referring

to certain families of Raxacoricofallapatorius?

Indeed, Sarah Jane.

Notable omissions from the Alien Files so far,

which I suggest we rectify by commencing information gathering

in three, two, one...

Where would you like to begin, Sarah Jane?

Well, you can't get much more slippery than the Slitheen.

I would concur. The Slitheen are calcium-based inhabitants of the

planet Raxacoricofallapatorius in the Isop Galaxy.

They are one of the planet's most disreputable families,

renowned for criminal behaviour.

They notoriously joined with other aliens like the Uvodni and Sontarans

in forming the Alliance, a large grouping of

many of the Doctor's enemies, that also included old adversaries like

the Cybermen and the Daleks.

The Slitheen are hunters,

humanoid in form and over two metres in height.

Their strong arms are well equipped to swim through

the oceans on their home planet, while their large eyes are capable

of seeing in its blizzards.

Mastery of compression field technology allows them to disguise

themselves as other smaller humanoids by squeezing into their skins.

By killing the previous occupants, that is,

and climbing into what they call skin suits.

Regrettably so.

Not pretty. And the side-effect of their camouflage as humans isn't

especially pleasant, either.

An unfortunate side effect of the

compression field technology is internal gas instability,

similar to human flatulence but with the odour of decaying calcium.

On the other hand, it can be a

pretty effective signal when you're looking for a disguised Slitheen.

Both their physical strength and poison-tipped claws can prove deadly.

And their sense of smell is the keenest in the Galaxy.

But exposure to vinegar can cause an extreme allergic reaction.

They have to look out or else they've have had their chips.

I suspect Clyde has been coaching you

in the practice of humour, Sarah Jane.

And you never used to be so cheeky, Mr Smith.

To sum up, the Slitheen are untrustworthy and ruthless,

obsessed with money making.

The classic Slitheen tactic is infiltrating low-tech planets like

Earth by posing as the native species.

That's just what they were doing the first time we came up against them.

Luke had just started at his new school and that's tough enough, but

turning up to discover the place is being run by Slitheen in disguise...

that's something quite different.

Now, you take care, OK?

The clues that something odd was going on were there from the start.

The rotting food in the canteen.

-Sir? Sir?

-What?

How am I meant to eat that?

A strange smell everywhere.

-I don't know - metal, electric.

-Like batteries.

And teachers who were...peculiar.

Right, assembly, yada ya...

Er, welcome back, everybody.

It's a new year. Hope you all do well.

And study hard, because I guarantee

none of you are going to be pop stars.

Worse than peculiar, in fact.

These were disguised Slitheen hatching a nasty scheme.

From a hideaway within the school

they were meddling with transduction technology.

Their plan was to drain all Earth's energy so as to sell it,

causing havoc in the process.

Meanwhile, I was investigating the company behind the technology block

at the school and many others like it.

I had found out that identical

buildings had been built on schools across London - all very suspicious.

Because these projects are so far apart,

nobody connects you with the problems.

I strongly advise you to leave right now, if you know what's good for you.

-Is that a threat?

-Yes.

-What?

-I did give you fair warning.

At the time, I had no idea what alien species had just peeled off

her skin and started chasing me, but there was no doubt she was trouble.

Back at school, Maria was having the same problem,

with one of her teachers.

I am Slitheen.

We are out of here now. Come on.

I didn't know Clyde back then,

and he certainly had no idea aliens existed.

-And there's another one, a boy!

-You are sad. Hiding from a teacher?

-He'll give you a detention!

-Come on!

Although he did now.

One crucial piece of advice for

these files is when aliens are after you, listen to everything they say.

It might just give you a clue how to get away.

What lovely perfume you're wearing, Miss Smith.

You're positively fragrant.

The mention of sensitive nostrils gave me an idea.

Good sense of smell, have you?

Oh, yes. Best nostrils in the galaxy, official.

-And you like my perfume?

-Lovely!

Then sniff this!

And once you have a vital piece of information,

pass it on as soon as you can.

-Luke? Right, listen.

-She said you've got to make a smell.

Make a big enough smell and you can get away.

What are we going to do - fart our way out?

-Would that be funny?

-What?!

They're nearby, Daddy.

I can smell you.

Wolverine, pure masculine action?

-Go, go, go.

-Sarah Jane!

Come on, Sarah Jane!

I was relieved that Luke and Maria were safe,

but who was this other boy?

-What is he doing here?

-Sorry!

Someone else's life in my hands?

Just what I needed!

And that was when Clyde - and his jokes - came into my life,

although at the time I wasn't exactly overjoyed.

An understatement, Sarah Jane.

Right, what's going on in here?

Why don't you all bring all your friends round, the whole school?

If he tells anyone, who's going to believe him?

I've just had monsters from outer space on my back...

Just shut up for the minute, will you? I'm busy.

And right now, you're not important,

even if it is getting like Clapham Junction up here.

What we needed to do was work out what the Slitheen were up to.

And we made a good start.

It turned out that the new technology blocks weren't

just in schools across London.

The Slitheen's plans went global.

Mr Smith, plot the position of every Coldfire building put up in the

last 18 months around the world.

Together, they were forming

a network capable of draining every last drop of energy from the earth.

-And it had begun.

-Breaking news.

There's a massive loss of power on the west coast of North America.

Los Angeles has gone dark.

And it was all being run from Luke's school.

Section One down.

Grazie, Napoli. Thank you. Moving to Section Two.

Hello, Washington DC.

-"Howdy, London."

-Connect.

When under attack from aliens, it's important not to panic.

Use your brains. Look for weaknesses.

That's what we did, setting you on the case, Mr Smith.

Raxacoricofallapatorians.

Calcium-based life-forms.

-Give us the weaknesses.

-Weaknesses.

They are a naturally hardy race.

However, their bodies are notoriously hypersensitive to...

No!

That was a blow - a power cut, presumably the Slitheens' doing.

And no power for you, Mr Smith, meant we were on our own.

We had to do something.

So I suggested we head to the school.

We can't stop them.

Plus, they'll get us before we even reach them.

If you can't say anything useful, go home.

Well, that's when I learnt a bit of a lesson.

That you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Because up until then, the Clyde Langer-shaped book

that had turned up in my house had been getting on my nerves.

This morning, Jeffrey - the Slitheen Jeffrey -

he went mad when he nicked my bag.

What's the Slitheen going to care about that?

-He sniffed it. He was scared.

-Well, what was in that bag?

-My books, some Tangfastics and my lunch.

-Well, what was in your lunch?

Cold chip sandwich. I made it this morning.

I wasn't going to eat anything from the canteen of death.

What, the Slitheen are allergic to potato, bread, butter?

No, the Slitheen in the office was eating a sandwich.

-What was on those chips?

-Salt and vinegar.

-Salt. Must be it.

-If the Slitheen

are made mostly from water, it will dehydrate them, like slugs.

No, they put extra salt in everything - bread, butter...

It's got to be something else. It's got to be the vinegar!

Vinegar, that's acetic acid. Reacts with calcium.

The Slitheen are made of calcium. I'm right. It's the vinegar.

Kitchen!

He was right.

But it was then but the full horror

of the Slitheens' plan was revealed.

Go ahead, lad.

They weren't just after Earth's electrical power.

Turn out the sun.

They were thinking much bigger than that.

What's going on?

-It's transduction.

-They've switched off the sun!

-They're draining its power.

-It's getting cold.

-Everyone's going to die.

-I told you, we're going to stop them.

What, the four of us?

With vinegar in plastic squeezies?

As we approached, there was a welcome being prepared by Gloon,

the Slitheen occupying the headmaster's body.

I think an adult better deal with them this time.

I had no idea whether this vinegar plan would work but at least

it might cause some disruption,

while Luke and I looked for the capacitor room.

Didn't like that, did you?

-Vinegar! Get back!

-A step further...

Keep back!

You're afraid. A Slitheen girl your age would do it.

Wouldn't think twice. But all the fight's gone out of you.

You just stand there, shaking in your shoes!

That's why we win!

Oops!

That allergic reaction was certainly extreme.

The vinegar had worked, maybe too well.

I hate violence. It's not my way.

But on this occasion, what could we do?

If the Earth wasn't to freeze

into extinction, we had to stop the Slitheen by whatever means we could.

Daddy!

Mum!

When Luke fired the sonic lipstick at the capacitor, where the sun's

energy was being gathered,

that set off a series of massive electrical explosions.

It was terrifying.

It's out of control!

And then I was faced with an awful choice.

You can't leave us in here. Use your sonic device. Open the door.

-Open the door!

-I'm only 12.

He's my son.

Please, let him live.

-Luke.

-You can't let them out.

However twisted and criminal they might have been, they were a family.

He was just a child. Maybe if I'd been quicker to help them, things

might have worked out differently.

To have reacted quicker in such testing circumstances

would have required a speed of thought and action

well beyond average human capability.

Maybe.

Shall I upload information on the Slitheen to the Alien Files now?

No, not just yet. There's another alien family from

-the same planet as the Slitheen...

-Raxacoricofallapatorius.

..that I think we should include - the Blathereen.

Data profile, please, Mr Smith.

The Blathereen are a Raxacoricofallapatorian

family generally in conflict with their cousins, the Slitheen.

Like the feud between the Daleks and the Time Lords, and the long-lasting

war between the Sontarans and the Rutan Host,

there is a lengthy and bitter history

to the bad blood between these Raxacoricofallapatorian relations.

Many Blathereen have been harmless, but some factions are far from that.

They are similar in appearance to the Slitheen, but orange in colour.

Their table manners are appalling.

To sum up,

the Blathereen are an apparently peace-loving, if gluttonous family.

Some can be extremely devious, however, and

need to be approached with caution.

Whenever I meet a new alien species,

I'm always hopeful that they might want to be

friends with the human race rather than seek to take us over.

Statistical analysis would confirm that it

is unlikely that all alien species arrive on earth with subjugation of

the human race as their sole purpose.

When I met a Blathereen couple called Leaf and Tree,

they seemed different to any aliens I'd come across before,

and were the first ones I'd invited round for dinner.

-And this delightful liquid is...?

-Was tomato soup.

Delicious.

We must take some home for next time the Rackateen come to dinner.

They adore foreign food.

They said they were ashamed of the havoc the Slitheen had caused over

the years and wanted to put that right with a gift.

This is rakweed.

Thank you.

It's a staple food back home.

It can grow anywhere, even in the harshest conditions.

We know you suffer from famines on earth.

Rakweed could put an end to them forever.

Your initial analysis of the rakweed put our minds at rest, Mr Smith.

It is true that when I first examined

the specimen all indications were that it was totally harmless

and that the Blathereens' gift was offered in good faith.

Clyde could tell everything wasn't right

with the Blathereen and their offering.

They're Blathereen, not Slitheen.

Ah - Slitheen, Blathereen, whatever-een! They're from

Raxacorico...doodah, and that place has a seriously dodgy reputation.

You can't condemn an entire race just because a few of them are bad.

We're here to help aliens - not just fight them.

Exactly.

But Clyde was right.

There was much more to the rakweed than met the eye.

Overnight, it began to mutate.

The next morning, millions of rakweed spores were released

into the atmosphere.

Now I am in full possession of

the facts, Sarah Jane, I would suggest a full

informational upload on rakweed would merit inclusion in the Alien Files.

Data profile, please, Mr Smith.

Rakweed is a small green plant with edible leaves.

Its DNA is self adapting when threatened,

And its infectious and rapidly multiplying spores can be deadly.

Rakweed's survival and growth rely heavily on each

plant communicating with others, via the high-pitched noise they produce.

Its abundance on Raxacoricofallapatorius makes it part

of the staple diet there, and its

hardy nature and speed of growth mean it can flourish on Earth, too.

But far from feeding the planet, this hideous rakweed was capable of

killing everyone on Earth, starting with Luke.

It was a shock to see Luke sick.

The Bane, the aliens who created him, had made him immune to illness,

so seeing him like this was just awful.

What's this?

He has been subjected to an incredibly high

dose of rakweed spores.

Luke? Luke? You must stay awake.

Yeah.

There.

It just goes to show the importance of being vigilant at all times.

I can't believe I was so careless as to leave rakweed sitting on my desk.

Mr Smith, I need you!

Mr Smith, please! Help us!

Breathing in that amount of rakweed spores

would have killed you in seconds, Sarah Jane.

What was required was intervention from a dependable and operationally

decisive intelligence.

Did we have someone like that around, Mr Smith?

My purpose is to protect Earth,

and you, Sarah Jane, by whatever means at my disposal.

Including my cooler fans.

Launching venting system.

Maximum extraction.

You and your cooling system had saved us for now.

Mr Smith? You are amazing!

But we were still in big trouble.

Luke was getting worse all the time

and Earth was about to become one huge rakweed patch.

Our so-called friends, the Blathereen had

parked their ship in the Antarctic to watch their evil scheme unfold.

Time for me to make a visit to the South Pole.

I recall you teleported

to the Blathereens' ship without the necessary power for a return journey.

An extremely hazardous undertaking, Sarah Jane.

When it comes to my son, any risk is worth taking and I mean that.

This is loaded with vinegar.

You're going to do exactly as I say

or I'll blast you to oblivion.

Like the Slitheen, the Blathereen have the

same extreme hypersensitivity to vinegar so I thought with

a Super Soaker full of the stuff the odds were stacked in my favour.

We have no choice, my dear.

Entering computer code.

Destroy all rakweed.

I'd taken the Blathereen at their word once before and lived

to regret it. But it seemed there were no tricks this time.

The rakweed is being eliminated. It will take a few seconds.

Confirm rakweed density on Earth.

Rakweed fully eliminated.

Would you mind putting the weapon down, Sarah Jane.

-Let go of me!

-Computer, return to normal view.

Good try, Miss Smith, but not good enough.

PHONE

Luke was slipping into a coma and I was trapped in Antarctica

with the Blathereen but

it's at times like that that you're really glad to be part of a team...

We all had a part to play. Clyde, Rani, Luke and K-9

were having their own encounter with rakweed spores at school and were

about to make a vital discovery.

-Get back!

-Clyde, no!

What?

How did that just happen?

End-of-period bell, must have been.

Saved by the bell!

She can't just have vanished.

My priority was to get back to the attic and the Blathereens'

teleporter was just what I needed.

-Lost something?

-Leave that alone!

While at school, Clyde, Rani and K-9 were seeing if the bell tactic would

work a second time.

It's working!

-K-9, you did it.

-Can you turn it off now.

-It's still alive outside.

-We're never going to defeat it.

Time to think big and loud. Noise had worked in the school,

would it work across the whole city?

K-9, give Mr Smith the bell's frequency.

1421.09 Hertz.

I am now linking to all electrical devices in the area

invaded by the rakweed and retuning them to

replicate the bell's frequency. Prepare yourself, Sarah Jane.

Cover your ears, this is going to be really, really loud.

ALARMS SCREECH AND BLARE

That's enough for now.

It's over.

-Yes...

-And you see, you were quite a team, you and K-9.

He does have some...limited uses.

Although the Blathereen weren't finished yet.

They are certainly persistent, you have to give them that.

We meet again, Miss Smith.

Oh, why don't you just go home?!

This is your final warning.

I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.

I've been dying to say this for ages. Let the hunt begin!

Mr Smith.

ALARM BELL

It is our sense of smell that's highly developed,

not our hearing!

The Blathereen had no idea what was going to happen but I did

and I hated the fact that this was the way it was going to end.

-That's enough, Mr Smith.

-Ah, ah, ah...

What have you done to us?

My stomach, it's...

No!

There must have been a better way than...that.

They were going to kill us.

-I had to do it.

-What did you do?

On their ship, all they did was stuff their faces with rakweed.

I knew their stomachs would still be full of it.

The destruction of the undigested rakweed created methane gas.

It could not be contained.

So, they farted themselves to death?

In a nutshell, Master Clyde.

Harming any living creature breaks my heart.

The Blathereen were such a disappointment, though. I know

there are lots of aliens out there who want to work with us,

to be friends. The trouble is, so many of them don't.

We just have to go on compiling files about the ones who come here

with conquest on their minds.

To conclude, Sarah Jane.

Uploading three new entries into the Alien Files, as a permanent record

for all to learn about these deadly threats to Earth's safety.

The Slitheen, untrustworthy scavengers with a ruthless streak.

They will deploy extreme cunning

in the pursuit of money-making by infiltrating other planets.

Beware their ability to occupy the bodies of others

using compression field technology.

The Blathereen... Most of them may seem peace loving

but some elements of this gluttonous clan can be even

more devious than the Slitheen.

They may appear trustworthy but take what they say with extreme caution.

and do not accept gifts from them under any circumstances.

Rakweed. A seemingly harmless but potentially deadly plant.

Fast growing and highly infectious.

It can induce coma and death.

Remember, drowning out the sound it makes is the only way to destroy it.

This is Sarah Jane Smith logging off after Alien Files update.

I sincerely hope you never have to use this information but, if you do,

I wish you all the good fortune in the Universe.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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