Episode 11 School of Silence

Welcome to the School Of Silence.

This is where the noisiest children in the country

are sent to prove they CAN keep quiet.

We're about to meet four new arrivals,

but can they keep quiet for just one day?

Woo hoo, I doubt it!

Shh!

BELL RINGS, CHILDREN SCREAM

Here's how the day works.

The new pupils have three challenging classes

to prove they can be silent,

followed by the crucial Final Exam

which will determine whether they graduate or will be expelled.

If I think the pupils managed to stay quiet enough to pass a class...

..then they will bank a prize from my Confiscation Cupboard.

But if I think they are being too noisy...

Arrghh!

HE LAUGHS

SCREAMING

..they will get nothing,

and I WILL know about it, thanks to this device.

The Gobstop 3000,

the very latest in noise-monitoring technology.

If they pass the final exam,

they will take all the prizes they have banked,

and receive the ultimate reward,

the Golden Gobstopper.

However, if they fail to keep THAT shut,

I will have no choice but to expel them,

and they will go home with absolutely nothing.

These noisy pupils are from Hackney in London,

and are having their noise levels checked by our splendid headteacher,

Miss Gobstop,

and their form tutor, Mr Gross.

You! Step forward! Name!

George.

George thinks that the most annoying loud noise in the world

is a baby crying.

Huh! Has he heard himself?

You! Step forward! Name!

Anna.

Anna says her favourite loud noise is a mooing cow,

and she once got chased by a herd of sheep.

Oo-hoo! Baaa-d times!

You! Step forward! Name!

Sameer.

Sameer can do a good impression of a screaming monster.

Does he mean the noise or the look, or both?

Shouty Sameer. Right, OK.

You! Step forward! Name!

Rachel.

Rachel says the loudest noise she ever made

was screaming her head off on a rollercoaster.

Fortunately, doctors managed to sew her head back on.

Last in. OK.

All right. Get out. That's it.

Come on out.

It's time for their first class,

General Studies with Mr Gross.

This dirty teacher may not have washed for 15 years,

but can our new pupils clean up in his class and bank a prize?

KNOCKING

Come in!

Are you ready for some noise, Mr Gross?

-Noise!

-Oh no!

It stinks of onions in here!

Why are there seven?

You're interrupting me in the middle of a lovely egg!

CHILDREN: Ewww!

Have you got sandals and socks?

Yes, I do.

That's so disgusting!

OK. I am Mr Gross.

You're here to prove that you can be silent,

-and I'm going to prove...

-We CANNOT be silent!

..that you can't.

Miss Gobstop is listening at all times on the fluffy microphones,

so SHE will know if you're being noisy or not.

And if you are too noisy, you will fail my class.

Right, it's time for your first Silent Test.

Your first Silent Test...

is about insects.

Insects are lovely creatures,

and you shouldn't be afraid of them.

And YOU have to prove that you can remain quiet throughout this test.

Your Silent Test starts...

now.

In this test, Mr Gross has four boxes

of his favourite creepy crawlies.

Can the pupils keep quiet when he pours these bugs all over them?

The first box, mealworms.

Mr Gross likes them with a side salad.

Ew, you're going to put THAT on them?

Oh dear! And Rachel's ALREADY got Miss Gobstop's attention.

HE GASPS

No, a definite gasp.

Oh, shocked! But silent!

Smart gameplay from Anna.

Time for George to meet the mealworms.

RACHEL LAUGHS

Oh, great self-control, George.

Oh, Rachel!

Her giggles could cost this team their first prize.

Mr Gross helping out there, and really enjoying himself.

How will they do with box number two?

Oh, goody! It's maggot time.

Will they get the pupils squealing?

Ah!

A definite noise from Rachel. Can George control his fear?

GEORGE GASPS

Some faint squealing.

ANNA GASPS

Lovely maggots!

Anna lets out a quiet gasp. Let's hope it WAS a gasp!

ANNA SQUEALS

And a squeal!

Miss Gobstop not looking impressed.

What's scuttling around in box number three?

Mr Gross's chums, the beetles.

Ewww!

Rachel's done it again. They'll get nothing if she keeps that up.

(No way!)

Yes way!

Too much noise, George.

Anna doesn't like the look of those, but her fear is silent.

That's impressive.

GEORGE SQUEALS

George is squealing again. What will Miss Gobstop make of THAT?

Mr Gross really loves his job,

as demonstrated by his cool moves.

-It's the final box.

-These ones are really, really friendly.

By Jiminy! It's crickets!

RACHEL AND SAMEER GASP

Mr Gross's favourite tools of terror doing their job on the team already,

and Anna's taken her hand out. Well, who can blame her?

George and the gang are trying really hard to contain their fear.

Keep this up, guys, and you might bank that prize.

But what will Anna do?

Hold on! She's only gone and put her hand in AGAIN!

Brave!

No! It out again. Not so brave.

This is tense stuff.

It's getting out!

-SAMEER:

-Anna, come on!

Anna's putting her hand back in AGAIN.

-SAMEER:

-Come on!

Cricket-defying bravery at its best.

And your Silent Test is over.

CHILDREN SCREAM

Get off!

So, even though insects are very friendly,

they're also quite dirty,

so DO remember to wash your hands afterwards, OK?

So, that's the end of your first Silent Test.

How do you think you did?

-George?

-Well...

-Do think you were silent?

Always good to be positive,

-but no.

-Good. I like a realist.

Well, it doesn't matter what you think or what I think.

It's what Miss Gobstop thinks that's important.

'Attention, attention!'

This is Miss Gobstop.

'Rachel, Rachel, Rachel!

'You REALLY have a lot of learning to do.

'Silence is by no means your strong point.'

Ew, you're going to put THAT on them?

RACHEL LAUGHS

'Sameer.

'Talking is NOT allowed.

'Neither is cheerleading.'

Come on!

Come on!

'Anna.

'Brave AND silent.

'I like that.

'George.

'"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

'"Get off! Get off! Get off!"

GEORGE GASPS

GEORGE SQUEALS

Class...

Now, have the little Hackney horrors

wormed their way out of this test with a prize?

..Failed!

CHILDREN BOO

Ha ha!

Too right, too right!

And you're going to fail the rest of this school if you keep on like that.

Now get out of my class!

That is SO unfair!

Justice is what I call it, Rachel.

Go on, clear off!

Don't slam the door!

We failed Mr Gross's class.

I know. It's so unfair!

We're naturally noisy.

We're going to not talk next time,

and we're going to show those teachers who's boss.

CHILDREN: Exclamation mark! Woo!

'Attention, attention!

'This is the School Of Silence.

'Any announcements are cancelled until further notice.'

I've been to the dentist.

Thank you.

It's time for the second class,

Geography with Miss Adventure.

She can be silent in 156 different languages,

but can the new pupils learn her silent lingo

and bank their first prize of the day?

Ready to go to Noisy Land!

Come in, come in! Come in, take a seat.

Take a... Don't slam that. Right.

Lovely. Welcome, young roamers.

I'm Miss Adventure, geography teacher.

How are you all?

-SARCASTICALLY:

-Good. OK.

You sound suspicious, George.

Do you think you can stay silent in my Silence Test?

Yeah, it'll be pretty easy.

Oh, it's going to be pretty easy cos you're going to defeat me!

Exclamation mark.

I saw that. That's what you said.

You're going to defeat me. Exclamation mark.

Exclamation mark.

Exclamation mark.

-Exclamation mark.

-Exclamation mark.

-Exclamation mark.

-Exclamation mark.

-Exclamation mark.

-Exclamation mark.

It's time for my Silence Test.

Every explorer needs to be lucky,

but also needs to be silent.

And my Silence Test is going to see whether or not you are silent...

and lucky.

Now, you're going to pull out one of these pegs,

and if there's red on the bottom,

you get a custard pie... in the face!

Now, remember. You must do this in complete silence.

That's the Silence Test.

Positions, please.

OK, pastry fans. It's pie time.

Four custard pies, but who's going to get the first one?

Your Silence Test starts...

now.

And it's Rachel to pull first.

Straight up, Rachel manages a lucky and silent start.

Sameer's first peg.

Oh!

THEY LAUGH

Oh dear! Sameer's pie face drawing out the noise.

Will it register, though?

Rachel's second peg.

Will her luck last?

Oh, and it does!

Sir George in the hot seat now.

Oh, he's lucky...for now.

The heat is back on Rachel.

And bosh!

Stifled sniggers from the crowd.

Once again for you pie fans,

peg out, pie flies,

pie-fection.

Oh, and look at Brown Owl! She's loving it, too.

George's second peg.

Silent pie-dodging delight there.

Anna's first peg.

Oh, great technique.

It's George again.

Remember, this is his third peg.

THEY LAUGH

George's pathetic pie defence technique causing giggles,

but will it see them fail the test?

Can Anna make it two pegs in a row?

Oh! No!

Let's see that again, and keep an eye on Brown Owl.

She knows how to hold in the giggles.

Great stuff, Brown Owl.

A true silent professional. Bam!

Splat!

Keeping it in.

Only just.

Your Silence Test is over.

CHILDREN CHEER

Oh, have the team banked their first pies...

I mean prize? Oh, you know what I mean.

So, your Silence Test is over.

It was certainly very good fun to watch,

and yes, George. You've come out with quite interesting hair there.

Very, very cool. Very, very "kids on the street".

But, I heard some noise.

But it's not up to me, it's not up to you, it's up to Miss Gobstop.

So, let's find out what SHE thinks.

'Attention, attention!'

This is Miss Gobstop.

'Were your giggles too loud?

'Did you learn to keep your pie face shut?

'I didn't hear YOU, Rachel.

'A pie-normous improvement.

'But were you quiet enough to pie...

'I mean, pass, the test?

'Class...'

Have they done it?

'..Passed!'

CHILDREN CHEER

Oh, I don't believe it!

I don't believe it!

Congratulations.

But I've had enough of you.

Get out of my class! Go on, get out!

-We're going to pass it!

-Yeah, definite.

It's going to be really good cos it's going to be much easier.

The next class is going to be even better

because what can you do in drama that's hard? That's just easy.

Yeah. We're going to keep our mouths zipped.

Just like we did this time,

we're going to do so well and pass.

CHILDREN: Exclamation mark! Yeah!

Err... Question mark! Meanwhile, in the school's hamster cage...

And would you Adam and Eve it?

I'd created the universe!

-Bang!

-Big bang, in fact.

HE LAUGHS

Do you know what the scientific name is for a hamster

that doesn't make any noise?

Annoying!

HE LAUGHS

Ha ha. Yes, you can be hammy.

It's time the class three with Mr Les Prance.

Who needs a script when you're a master of mime?

Lights, camera, silence!

Come in, come in! Sit down, sit down! Come in!

-Are you ready for some dramatic noise?

-Yes.

-Exclamation mark!

-Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!

Yes. Sit down, sit down! Right.

I am Mr Les Prance,

the teacher of the Performing Arts.

And here, within the Theatre of Silence,

I will be testing you to prove that you cannot remain quiet.

It is now time for your Silent Test.

As a performer,

it's important that not only do you have peak physical perfection,

as do I, but also, you move with perfect co-ordination.

In pairs, joined at the ankle, you must repeat every move I do.

Also, remain completely and utterly silent.

Your Silence Test has begun.

Action!

Mr Prance will put the pupils through a three-stage

exercise routine.

He certainly looks the part, though what part, I don't know.

Stage one, warm-ups.

THEY LAUGH

These warm-ups have a soundtrack of giggles,

and Miss Gobstop isn't a fan.

Prance is winding up the pressure with stage two,

the hoop.

THEY LAUGH

Co-ordinated sniggers from the boys,

but this is a definite improvement.

The final stage,

the exercise balls.

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, the old bouncing globes have got them giggling.

Just 15 seconds left.

Can they contain their chuckles and grab that second prize?

GEORGE LAUGHS

Oh my! George is giggling.

It's a definite cause for concern for someone.

And your Silence Test is complete.

CHILDREN CHEER

Well.

What can I say?

I heard giggling,

I heard cackling.

However, it's not for me to decide how you fared.

Miss Gobstop has been listening to you throughout the entire exercise,

and SHE will now let you know

whether you've passed or failed.

'Attention, attention!'

This is Miss Gobstop.

'George, giggle leader of the gigglers.'

GEORGE LAUGHS

'Closely followed by your noisy partner,

'Sameer the smirker.'

SAMEER LAUGHS

Class...

Ooh, did the pupils exercise enough restraint to bag a second prize?

'Failed!' Yes! Ha ha ha!

CHILDREN: Nooo!

Yes!

Yes, you heard it right.

You failed my class!

MR PRANCE LAUGHS

Will the new pupils please report to my office

'immediately?'

Hmm. Music to my ears. Bye-byes!

Go down to Miss Gobstop's office, and, err...

we'll see you again. Au revoir!

So, with all their classes now complete,

the pupils are off to see Miss Gobstop to get their report

before the final exam.

Come in.

In you come. Shut the door, please.

Hmm.

Now, you're sent here because you're all far too noisy.

And I've put you through silent tests

to see if you could stay quiet.

Shall we take a look at your report and see how you've done?

So... Sameer.

Mm-hmm?

Quite the little cheerleader at the start, weren't you?

But silent support is the way forward, yes?

-Yes.

-Very good.

Come on, come on!

Come on!

Rachel.

"I'm naturally noisy."

-Is that what you said?

-Yes.

Hmm. There's nothing "natural" about your noise.

RACHEL LAUGHS

Ewww!

George. You're a small boy.

You had an AWFUL lot to say this morning, didn't you?

GEORGE SQUEALS

GEORGE LAUGHS

Anna.

Brave and silent.

I'm very impressed.

So, let's see if your teamwork

will be rewarded with graduation.

You've banked one prize from the Confiscation Cupboard.

But before you can get your little hands on them,

you're going to have to pass the Final Exam

in the Professor's Science Lab.

IF you graduate,

not only will you receive your prizes,

but you will also get the ultimate reward, Sameer.

The Golden Gobstop.

Off to the Science Lab. Keep it quiet.

Orange legwarmers!

I do LOVE an orange legwarmer!

It's time for the Final Exam with the Professor.

His devious devices are painstakingly designed

to extract noise and prevent prizes.

GERMAN ACCENT: Ah! Guten Tag, meine noise munchkins!

And welcome to the Laboratory. I am the Professor.

-The messy laboratory.

-You may have heard of me,

and today, with the help of my assistant, Herr Helmut...

Helmut! Where are your clothes? And why is your face different?

Bo! Ha!

Who's this? You again!

Enough of this!

What will be happening today is we will be testing you

to see if you have managed to learn the silence, ja?

-What will happen in your Final Examination...

-Puppets aren't bald!

..is if you make three of the noises,

you will set off the Gobstopper 3000, and you will be expelled!

Ha! Eat failure cake!

But if you manage to make with the quiet - highly unlikely,

-especially you...

-Oh yeah?

..what will happen is you will graduate,

and you will win all Fraulein Gobstopper's amazing prizes

and the elusive Gobstopper.

But that will NOT happen!

We will commence, ja?

In drei...

zwei...

eins!

Right. Who will be first?

Ah, yes!

You, I think, Anna.

Look at you, you little chuckle chicken!

What do we have for...

Ah yes!

This is a mind-reading helmet.

When you put it on, we will be able to read all your thoughts.

I can read your thoughts!

You're worrying about your hair. Ah, yes!

You want to marry one of the boys.

Ah! For you, this is perhaps my greatest invention.

It is the Invisibility Cloak.

You cannot see me.

You've no idea where I am.

You're right there.

-He's guessing, you're guessing!

-You're there!

Oh, George and Rachel walked right into that one.

And now you're there.

Did that chitchat mark their first strike?

Rachel is next in line.

There must be a ghost.

"Listen to me, I'm Rachel. I'm so scared.

"What am I going to do? I'm so terrified!"

In the chops AND on the head,

but has the gobstop gone into the red?

Who is next? I think it will be you.

It's smiling Sameer's turn.

This is perhaps my greatest invention.

It is the Celebrity Instant Facelift cream.

What will happen is we have taken some of the skinflakes

of the most beautiful people in the world, like Beyonce and Susan Boyle,

and we have put in extra ingredients

like snails' snot and all manner of things,

butterfly fingers and pigeon juice.

It will make you beautiful.

Think!

It's not working. We need more. I know!

Sameer refusing to crack.

It's not working. He's still ugly! You broke it!

SAMEER LAUGHS

Oh no! He's gone.

Now the final one. For you...

George last in line. Can HE keep it quiet?

Helmut, look over him.

See what we...

'Professor! But... This one.

'He smells really bad!' What do you mean, he smells bad?

'He smells like animal pants.

'I think I'm going to be sick!' You can't be sick in the laboratory.

You can't be sick in the laboratory!

Be sick down here.

George trying his best to hold it in, unlike Helmut there. Yuck!

Don't worry. I have a special machine just to clean you up...

or do I?

RACHEL LAUGHS

Oh dear! Chuckling from Rachel.

They won't graduate if they keep this up.

Quick! Do another one.

RACHEL LAUGHS

The Professor has done the calculations.

More gunge equals more noise.

GEORGE LAUGHS

George's loud laugh MUST be a strike.

20 seconds to go.

Oh, it's like Niagara Falls in there!

I haven't seen gunge like this since...

since the Great Gunge Catastrophe of 2004.

Who could forget THAT?

Any more noise, and they might get expelled.

Three strikes and they're out, remember.

Your Final Test is over.

CHILDREN CHEER

Right. How do you think you did, eh, you little laughter lobsters?

I say tell you how you did. 'Rubbish!'

If it was up to me, you would fail.

But it's your Final Examination marks

are decided by the beautiful Fraulein Gobstopper.

So, let us see how you did.

Fraulein Gobstopper!

How did meine guinea pigs do?

I was listening via my Gobstop 3000...

and I heard...chatting.

And I heard...

giggles.

But was it enough to set it off

more than three times?

The Gobstop 3000 has spoken.

You...

..will be expelled.

CHILDREN BOO

A tragic result.

Let's see how the team from Hackney threw it all away.

George and Rachel fell into a trap

and earned two strikes straight away.

-You're right there.

-You're there!

-You're guessing!

And George's gungy giggling pushed them over the edge.

They triggered the Gobstop 3000 more than three times,

so the pupils head back to Hackney with nothing.

Exclamation mark!

So, you don't win the Gobstop.

And you go home with no prizes whatsoever.

So, get out of my school! Do it now,

and do it silently! Go!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd