Episode 2 School of Silence

Welcome to the School Of Silence.

This is where the noisiest children in the country are sent

to prove they can keep quiet.

SHE SCREAMS

We're about to meet four new arrivals,

but can they keep quiet for just one day?

Oh, I doubt it!

Shhh!

Oh!

Shhh!

BELL RINGS AND CHILDREN SCREAM

Here's how the day works.

The new pupils have three challenging classes to prove

they can be silent, followed by the crucial Final Exam,

which will determine whether they graduate or will be expelled.

If I think the pupils manage to stay quiet enough to pass a class...

..then they will bank a prize from my Confiscation Cupboard.

But if I think they are being too noisy...

THEY LAUGH AND SCREAM

..they will get nothing. And I will know about it,

thanks to this device -

the Gobstop 3000, the very latest in noise-monitoring technology.

If they pass the Final Exam, they will take all the prizes they

have banked and receive the ultimate reward - the Golden Gobstopper.

However, if they fail to keep THAT shut, I will have no choice

but to expel them and they will go home with absolutely nothing. 'Shhh!'

It's now time for school to start.

Today's boisterous bunch are from Birmingham

and are having their noise levels monitored by our

headmistress, Miss Gobstop, and their new form teacher, Mr Gross.

-You! Step forward! Name?

-CHARLIE!

Charlie is the girlie giggler of this gang

and would scream all day long if she could.

-You! Name?

-TAMIKA!

Tamika's favourite noise is the trumping sound

she makes with her mouth.

I'm told her real ones are louder and twice as deadly.

-You! Step forward! Name?

-JOSHUA!

Joshua likes to bug people with his singing and thinks the most annoying

sound in the world is the smoke alarm going off

when his mum burns the dinner.

-You! Name?

-ELLISON!

Ellison's favourite loud noise is a lion's roar.

Ironically, lions hate Ellison's noisy screaming.

OK, enough! Get out! That's it! Get them out!

I don't hold out much hope for this set of screamers

graduating from the School Of Silence.

It's time for classes to begin.

The first lesson is General Studies with Mr Gross.

He's Gross by name and really Gross by nature.

So, who knows what stinky surprises he has in store for our students.

HE BREAKS WIND

Oh, dear, Mr Gross! I can only apologise on his behalf.

Come in!

INAUDIBLE INSULT

-Sit down!

-Hello!

Don't slam the door! Crikey!

-Is it really necessary?

-Yes, it is.

-OK. I am your teacher...

-Bird brain!

THEY LAUGH

Bird brain. Right.

I am your General Studies teacher, Mr Gross, and I am here to give you

your first Silent Test. And you're here to prove you can be silent.

But I don't think you can do it.

Well, I think we can do it, Mr Gross.

-I don't think you can, Joshua.

-I think we can!

-I think we can!

-We'll see about that, won't we?

Miss Gobstop is listening on these little furry microphones

to every noise that you make.

So, if you make too much noise, you'll fail my class

and you'll be expelled.

It's time for your first Silent Test.

Your first Silent Test is about gardening.

I've got for you some lovely compost balls.

We are going to test to see if they are rotten or not.

So, what I'm going to do is spin the wheel

and if the colour matches your tie, then you pick.

Then you need to really give it a good whack

and slam it on your forehead.

But the most important thing about this test is to do it in...

-Silence!

-Yes! Joshua! Amazing! You're actually getting it.

I think we might have had a breakthrough.

So, will this noisy lot be able to keep it shut

when hit in the face with a rotten ball?

There are six in total,

which all must be smashed onto their foreheads.

Whose colour will the wheel of misfortune land on first?

-Purple!

-Taking not allowed during a Silence Test, Ellison.

MILD TITTERING

So, Joshua's up first. Can he keep quiet?

CHARLIE LAUGHS

Charlie Chuckles there is already laughing.

Miss Gobstop will not be impressed.

LOUD LAUGHTER

Next up, it's gone green and that means it's Tamika's turn.

LOUD LAUGHTER

Chuckling Charlie's lapping it up! School Of Silence, Charlie!

Understand? No, I don't think she does.

Mr Gross spins again.

Ooh! It's blue. That means it's Ellison's turn.

Ugh.

CHARLIE LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY

Loud laughing - one of Miss Gobstop's most hated sounds.

SHE KEEPS LAUGHING

We're half way through, so who will get the fourth compost ball?

CHARLIE KEEPS LAUGHING

It's Joshua again! He doesn't look pleased!

MILD LAUGHTER

They have to keep it together if they want to bank a prize.

Tamika can't look!

MILD TITTERING

And chuckling Charlie gets number five.

QUIET LAUGHTER

QUIET LAUGHTER GETS LOUDER

Tamika and Ellison are delighted, as we can hear.

But so can Miss Gobstop! Oh, dear!

-Who will get this last ball?

-Let's hope it's a stinky one!

Great news, noise fans! It's second time unlucky for Charlie.

What will she do this time? Burst into song? Shout out the alphabet?

Scream into a loud-hailer? It's anybody's guess.

SHE LAUGHS

No, she's just going to giggle again.

SHE LAUGHS

OK, that's the end of your Silence Test.

So, have these giggling girls

and boys been quiet enough to pass the class?

Well...

I've had quite a few Silent Tests in my time.

Let me tell you, that was far from the quietest.

-How do you think you did?

-I don't think we did good.

-I do.

-I think we did excellent.

-Tamika. Brilliant.

I tell you what, you'll go far with that amount of delusion.

Let's see what Miss Gobstop has to say, shall we?

Attention! Attention! This is Miss Gobstop.

Charlie...

.."A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha," is not silence.

SHE LAUGHS LOUDLY

Tamika...giggler.

SHE GIGGLES

-Class...

-Time for the result. Have the team bagged a prize?

..failed!

-So, no surprises and no prizes.

-So, you failed.

Fortunately, I don't have to see any more of you for the rest

of the day, so scram!

-Go on, clear off!

-Ugh.

-Bye, Mr Smelly Breath!

Oh, don't you call me Smelly Breath, young lad. Out you go, Charlie.

-ALL: We failed.

-It was disgusting.

-We had to smack eggs on our head and everything.

-I hated it.

I hated Mr Gross's one.

I think we failed, because Charlie, she shrieked too much.

I think we failed because every time someone got an egg

smashed off her head, she started laughing.

-It wasn't MY fault!

-ALL: Yes, it was!

-It wasn't!

-ALL: It was.

On the next one, we're going to be quiet.

-We're not going to even open our mouths.

-ALL: We're going to do it!

We're going to do it! We're going to do it! 'Shhh!'

Attention! Attention! This is the School Of Silence.

Thank you so much to the children who have clubbed

together for my wonderful birthday present.

I will open it now.

SHE SCREAMS

With one big fat fail and no prizes under their belts,

it's time for the students' second class -

Geography, with Miss Adventure.

This tiny teacher has tip-toed round the globe picking up

silent skills to put our pupils to the test.

Can our noisy bunch bank their first prize?

Come in! Come in, young...young roamers. Come in. Welcome.

-Hello, everybody. Hello, class.

-ALL: Hello.

-I'm Miss Adventure.

-Hello, Miss Adventure.

-Hello. How did it go in Mr Gross's class?

We failed.

A bit of a giggler, Charlie? Bit of a giggler, are you?

Is it easy to make you giggle?

SHE GIGGLES

-Yes, lovely. So are you going to pass my silence test?

-ALL: YES!

I don't know - I think it's going to defeat you.

It's going to defeat you. It's going to defeat you.

So, it's time for my Silence Test.

What we're going to do to test whether or not you can stay

silent is play the world-famous game of Botumo.

-You know Botumo?

-Botumo?

-Yes, it's bottom sumo, obviously. Yes.

In order to provide you with a worthy opponent for Botumo,

I have the world champion of Botumo, all the way from Paris.

Yes, I know! Exciting. It's a treat for you. It is Francois.

Can our noisy pupils pass their first test and bank a prize

when faced with the infamous sport of Botumo?

-Botumo!

-Four Botumo matches coming up.

Can our happy hopefuls keep as quiet as possible whilst trying to

butt our champion out of the ring?

MILD TITTERING

Sensible Joshua trying to stop chuckling Charlie with some

silent hushing.

OCCASIONAL LAUGHTER

Oh, and it's game over for Tamika.

-Botumo.

-Round two, and it's Joshua.

Determined Joshua is busting his Botumo moves and remaining silent.

Could this class finally be on to a winner?

Oh, but he's knocked out, too. Can anyone beat Francois?

-Botumo.

-Maybe Charlie Chuckles,

but can she keep quiet and help her team pass this class?

Some cheerless cheerleading, there. Good stuff.

Chuckles has knocked Francois out of the ring!

But can she keep quiet enough to help the team bank a prize?

LAUGHTER INCREASES

LAUGHTER GETS OUT OF CONTROL

Uh, apparently not.

-Botumo.

-Oh, it's the final bout.

Ellison succeeds, but it's not about the winning.

It's about staying silent. Charlie, I'm talking to you!

-Your Silence Test...is completed!

-ALL: YEAH!

-Loser!

-Ha ha!

Have this bunch of bellowing Brummies been quiet enough

to bag a win?

Well, that was quite a game of Botumo.

Of course, Francois remains the world champion at Botumo,

but the question is, did you stay silent?

Attention! Attention! This is Miss Gobstop.

Your bout of Botumo started quite well.

Joshua, determination was written all over your face.

Charlie, silence is still not your strong point.

SHE CACKLES

Class...

Well, the results are in. Will they bank their first prize?

..failed!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

What a shame! Never mind. Had enough of you. Go on.

-Get out.

-Oh! No!

No! Grrr!

No! We failed again! Miss Gobstop was really, really nasty to us.

Not me.

She said I've got determination written all over my face.

Oh, really? Meanwhile, in the school hamster's cage...

If you're the most annoying hamster in the world, say nothing at all.

You said it.

HE CHUCKLES

'Shhh!'

I am saying nothing. We're halfway through the day.

Two classes failed and not one prize banked.

Can our students pass the next class, Performing Arts,

with Mr Prance?

This is their last chance to bag a prize

from the Confiscation Cupboard if they can keep quiet.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Hello.

-Hello.

I am Mr Prance, the teacher of the performing arts,

and here within our Theatre Of Silence,

I will be proving that you cannot keep quiet.

-I understand that you've had two tests so far.

-Yes.

-And how have you fared?

-Failed both of them.

-Failed both of them. Why?

-Too noisy.

-Too noisy? Really?

-Yeah.

-Who's the noisiest one?

-Me.

-You are?

-Yeah.

-Tamika, you are noisy.

-I'm the noisiest one.

-No, I'm the noisiest one.

-You're the noisy one.

-You're now competing to see who's the noisiest.

-Yeah, we are.

-Don't!

We want to win this.

It is time for my Silent Test.

My Silent Test is silent make-up for my new film.

Mr Spielberg is very interested.

Joshua, you make up Charlie to look like this.

Tamika, you're making up Ellison to look like this.

In positions, please. Get in positions.

Right. Your Silence Test has begun. Action!

So, movie make-up in silence. Can this gang finally pass a test?

Not bad so far. Have they at last learned to keep quiet?

SHE STIFLES A GIGGLE

Oh, but here come the giggles again.

They have to keep them down if they want to bank their first prize.

SHE SNICKERS

SHE GROANS

It's the last few seconds,

and Charlie is starting to lose it again.

Artists, take a look at your work.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, laughing out loud in a Silent Test, surely that's a fail.

There's very little chance of them

bagging a prize from the Confiscation Cupboard.

Cor, I'd scream if I looked like that!

And your Silence Test is complete.

-Cut!

-Yes!

Well, at the end of that test,

I think we all can agree that

I was superb.

-No.

-You, however, I have never in my entire life

been subjected to so much noise.

Miss Gobstop has been listening to every sound that you made

during that test,

and she will decide whether you've passed or whether you've failed.

Attention! Attention! This is Miss Gobstop.

Silence is definitely not your team strong point,

is it, Chortling Charlie?

SHE GIGGLES

And don't think I haven't been listening to you, Ellison and Joshua.

THEY LAUGH

Noisy boys. Class...

So what will it be? Prize or no prize?

..failed!

THEY GROAN

Will the new pupils please report to my office immediately?

Yes, out! Out!

Off you go! Off you go! Read them and weep.

Oh, well, that's showbiz.

It's time for the students

to get their school report from Miss Gobstop before their Final Exam.

Enter.

Come on.

So, you've been sent here because you're all far too noisy.

We put you through some Silent Tests to keep you quiet.

Let me check my report.

I don't think it's very good. Charlie.

I don't have a problem with giggling. I really don't.

If it's done silently.

SHE GIGGLES

Joshua, I like your facial expressions.

It's communication without words.

I'm impressed, Joshua. You can relax.

Tamika, you're a little chatterbox, aren't you?

SHE WHISPERS

So, Ellison, looking rather colourful. At least it's quiet.

You've been determined to keep them quiet throughout the tests.

You took three tests. You passed how many?

-Zero.

-Zero.

Not very good. So you haven't banked any prizes.

It was unfortunate, because there's quite a few good ones

if you like noise. We're going to send you to the final test.

If you stay silent, you'll receive the ultimate reward,

the Golden Gobstopper. So get out, go to the science lab and shut up!

Time for the Final Exam with The Professor.

He will be pushing the students' silent skills

to the limit with his crazy experiments.

They've run out of chances to win a prize

from the Confiscation Cupboard,

but the Golden Gobstopper is still up for grabs,

but only if they pass.

Ah, is that so?

Guten Tag, children, and welcome to the final examination.

I am The Professor, and today, with the help of my assistant,

Herr Helmut... "Ha! Look, I made a bum potato."

Bad Helmut! Right, what will happen today is we will pitch you

against several of my greatest new experiments.

But if you make three of the bad, bad noises,

you will fail your final examination.

Ha! Eat failure cake. Num, num, num!

But in the unlikely event you manage to keep it the quiet -

and I find that very unlikely - then you will graduate

and you will win the elusive gobstopper,

but this will not happen. The beautiful Fraulein Gobstoppen

is listening in on the Gobstop 3000,

and if you make noises, you will fail.

-Are you ready to begin?

-Yes.

They have no idea.

I know, I know, it is pitiful.

We will commence in drei, zwei, eins!

THUNDER CRACKS

LAUGHS MANIACALLY

Shut up, you fool.

It is the nutty Professor's job to force these babbling Brummies

to make three noises in order for them to fail.

With plenty of sneaky experiments up his sleeve,

surely he'll break this lot's vow of silence?

-First to be tested is Joshua.

-This is what I call my facelift pie.

We have taken all the skin flakes of beautiful people

and put in extra ingredients

like panda poo and some snail snot and this kind of thing.

It could make you look beautiful,

but perhaps you are too ugly for it to work.

You want a little look?

Oh!

CHUCKLING

Will that giggle be strike one? They have to keep quiet.

Three strikes and they will be expelled.

I will use something very special on you. It is my time-freezing machine.

We pull the lever and time, she freezes!

Ti...

You have broken my machine! How dare you break my machine?!

I have never been this outraged! How da...

Ellison's not falling for that devious old trick.

What happened to you? You got into a terrible mess!

Would you like a little hanky to clean up your little face?

What was that?

Ah! You are playing the good game. I like this.

What about you, my dear?

Time for The Professor to try to break Charlie.

-This could be pretty easy.

-This is my singing chicken.

It is like a chicken version of Lady Gaga.

I have raised it since it was a puppy. What's that?

You don't think you can sing today?

Why? You are feeling very ill?

Well, what are you going to do? You can't be sick in my laboratory.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

SHE SNORTS

That's another noise from Charlie, but did Miss Gobstop catch it?

You feel better now? Good. Good.

But finally, what do I have for you?

Let's see. Oh!

It is the most dangerous, smelliest thing known to man.

"Professor, we can't do that. They are only children!"

We have to do it for science, Helmut!

It is one of Mr Gross's socks.

Uh! Oh, my. Oh.

Oh, my.

Tamika nearly barfed there,

and time is running out on the Final Exam.

The Professor needs to shift up a gear if he wants them to fail.

What, Helmut? What's wrong?

Don't be in sick on the controls!

Uh!

Don't worry! I have my clean machine. It will clean you up.

Ah!

So sorry! Don't worry.

Just 20 seconds to go. Can they keep silent?

The girls are struggling not to laugh out loud. More slime, please!

Ooh, splat.

And that is the final examination over!

LAUGHS MANIACALLY

Well, it looked messy, but did they do enough to pass?

How do you think you did in your final examination?

Did you squeak? Did you squawk? Did you think you were quiet, yes?

Yes.

I don't know about that. You look pretty messy.

Here's a question. Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

-Silence! Ha.

Too late to learn this lesson now.

If it was up to me, you would fail outright,

but it is up to the beautiful Fraulein Gobstoppen

to see whether or not you will be expelled

or whether or not you will graduate from the School Of Silence.

Let us. Mein glorious headteacher!

Have they passed, and will they be going home with the Golden Gobstop?

-Or will they walk away with nothing?

-How did my little pigs do?

Hmm. Well, I heard giggling. I heard screaming.

Did it come from you, Ellison? It didn't, did it?

You were very quiet.

Which is more than I can say for a couple of members of your team.

The Gobstop 3000 has spoken.

You failed and will be expelled!

Oh, no! Failure yet again.

Let's see where it all went wrong for this Brummie bunch.

There was giggling from the girls.

And constant screams during the gunging.

So with more than three strikes on the Gobstop 3000, they're expelled.

Get out of my school, now!

-That's it! Go on!

-Get out!

-Well done, Helmut, well done.

THEY CHEER AND SHOUT

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd