Episode 3 School of Silence

Welcome to the School Of Silence.

This is where the noisiest children in the country are sent

-to prove they can keep quiet.

-SCREAMING

We're about to meet four new arrivals

but can they keep quiet for just one day? Ooh-hoo, I doubt it!

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

CHEERING

Here's how the day works -

the new pupils have three challenging classes,

to prove they can be silent, followed by the crucial final exam

which will determine whether they graduate or will be expelled.

If I think the pupils manage to stay quiet enough to pass a class...

..then they will bank a prize from my confiscation cupboard.

But if I think they are being too noisy...

LAUGHTER

HE SCREAMS

..they will get nothing and I will know about it,

thanks to this device, the Gobstop 3000 -

the very latest in noise-monitoring technology.

If they pass the final exam, they will take all the prizes

they have banked and receive the ultimate reward -

the Golden Gobstopper.

However, if they fail to keep that shut, I will have no choice

but to expel them, and they will go home with absolutely nothing.

Today's loud and proud pupils are from Sunderland,

and they're being allowed one last shout out in front of Miss Gobstop

and form tutor, Mr Gross.

This noisy bunch of nuisances have no intention of keeping quiet.

They'll have to keep a lid on it if they want any chance of leaving

with some prizes.

You, step forward! Name?

-Mahmuda!

-I heard that.

Mahmuda wants to be a teacher when she's older.

If they ever open a school of shouting, shall be the headmistress.

-You, step forward! Name?

-Jevon!

His favourite noise is his friend trumping...

I mean his friend playing a trumpet. They probably sound the same.

-You, step forward! Name?

-John!

Football-daft John's most embarrassing moment

was when his mum kissed him front of his friends -

enough to make anyone scream!

-You, step forward! Name?

-Yousurf!

Yousurf is Mahmuda's cousin. Shouting must run in the family.

You'd need earplugs for when they all get together.

Get out, get out, quickly. Hurry up.

And it's time for classes to begin.

The first lesson, general studies with Mr... eurgh... Gross.

This revolting teacher's tests are guaranteed to turn kids' stomachs,

so goodness knows what's lined up for their first silence test.

HE SNORES

HE SNORES

KNOCK ON DOOR

Ah! Come in!

-Eurgh, this room is really smelly.

-Do come in.

Don't slam the door!

Eurgh!

I am Mr Gross, your general studies teacher.

-You need some new shoes.

-I don't like shoes, you see.

-Eurgh!

Well, it should do, I like to be able to smell my stinky feet,

and if I put them in shoes, I can't smell them.

-Do you see?

-You've got cheese on the bottom of your feet.

Cheese on my feet, yes I do, yes, very nice spread on a cracker.

Anyway, you are here because you are noisy children,

and you need to prove that you can be silent.

But it isn't up to me. The only person who will be able to tell

if you can keep quiet enough is Miss Gobstop.

Miss Gobstop is listening on these fluffy microphones

to any noise that you might make.

She'll tell you if you've passed or failed.

-Do you think you can do it?

-Yes.

-Yes.

I think you're about ready for your first silent test.

Your first silent test is about gardening.

We have compost balls from the school compost heap.

-Is that the mould off your feet?

-It could be.

I did throw a pair of old socks on the compost heap that had perished.

What we're going to do is spin the wheel.

If the colour matches your tie,

you point at a compost ball and I will hand it to you.

And then you find out if it's fresh or rotten

by smashing it on your forehead.

Can you do it in silence? What do you think?

-ALL SHOUT:

-Yes!

Your silent test starts now.

So, there are six balls in total

and all must be smashed onto their foreheads.

Whose colour will the wheel of misfortune land on?

Oh, it's red,

and Mahmuda has the red tie so the first one goes to her.

Ooh, it's a whiffy one. Mahmuda's got a head for these games.

Great silent work. These kids are determined to bank a prize.

Miss Gobstop seems impressed with that silence.

Let's go for another spin around the clock.

Is anybody going to crack up this time?

And Mahmuda gets the second compost ball.

What are the chances of that?

SHE SNIGGERS

THEY SNIGGER

Is she going to crack?

No, she kept it together. Unlike Jevon.

OK, it's time for the wheel deal again.

Now it's purple, and that means John.

Ooh-err, a stinker.

Great determination from our Sunderland team,

working hard to keep quiet.

Round and round it goes, where Mr Gross stops, nobody knows.

Halfway through the game and it stopped on green.

That means Jevon gets ball number four.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, sniggers. Will Miss Gobstop hear them?

Only two balls remaining. It's getting "wheelly" tense.

It's blue and that means Yousurf.

YOUSURF AND JOHN SNIGGER

Oh, some definite sniggers there.

It's your last compost ball.

Shh.

This time, it's going to...

..Mahmuda. That's a hat-trick for her.

Oh, good silent work there from Mahmuda,

but will those earlier giggles cost them?

And that's the end of your first silent test!

THEY CHEER

That's the end of your first silent test, but how do you think you did?

Were you noisy or were you silent? What do you think, Mahmuda?

I think we will pass because, like, we didn't laugh too much.

Even a little bit of laughing is too much as far as I am concerned.

-What do you say, John?

-I think we'll pass.

We were all going to laugh but we tried our hardest to keep it in.

Well, I thought you were absolutely rubbish,

sniggering all the way through, but it doesn't matter what I think.

The only person whose opinion matters is Miss Gobstop.

Attention, attention. This is Miss Gobstop.

You started the day off quite well, stifling your giggles.

But were your hands big enough to cover the noises from your mouths?

THEY SNIGGER

Class...

Time for the results. Have the team banked a prize?

..passed.

THEY CHEER

-I'll tell you what...

-In your face!

-Get out of my class.

In my face? Out of my face! Get out of my face!

THEY CHEER

Don't call me cheesy toes!

We were doing very good.

Teacher 0, child 1.

We won this lesson, maybe,

but in the second one, we're going to zip it!

Attention, attention, this is the School Of Silence.

For the next few hours there will be some very noisy work

going on in my office.

I apologise for the dreadful din.

Shush!

Thank you.

It's time for Class 2, geography with Miss Adventure.

She's been all over the world before popping up in the School Of Silence.

But can our team stay settled and bank another prize for later?

Come in! Come in!

Come in, young rovers. Come in.

-We're here!

-Oh, my word.

There we are, lovely. Shut the door. Take a seat up here.

Right to the front, young fella.

So, I am Miss Adventure, geography teacher.

Do you know that the animals are fake?

-They're not, they're just sleeping.

-They're fake.

That one's made out of a balloon.

-I understand that you passed Mr Gross' class, correct? ALL:

-Yes!

-And do you think you're going to pass my class? ALL:

-Yes!

I don't think you are. I've got a fiendish test for you.

It's going to defeat you. It's going to defeat you.

We may be the noisiest kids in Sunderland, but we can be silent.

We're going to see.

Miss Gobstop's listening. Let's see if you can be silent,

because it's time for my silence test.

Every explorer needs to be able to ride a camel, but to do it silently.

I must introduce you to the camels.

Don't be frightened. They are wild animals.

Uh-oh.

Oh, right. Well, whatever you do, don't give them the hump.

Now, camels are easily distracted,

and I will be attempting to distract them during our silence test.

Each rider must stay on the camel for 30 seconds,

and stay completely silent.

Can our Sunderland team make it two out of two on their test so far?

Your silence test starts in three, two, one...

First up are John and Mahmuda.

They've got to stay silent for the next 30 seconds

if they want to bank another prize.

Oh, crafty Miss Adventure is trying to distract those camels

to make the pupils laugh.

Oh, John's down.

But absolute quiet, great work.

Where is it? Where's the thingy?

John's having a conversation with himself,

but did Miss Gobstop hear it?

John's taken another tumble, just as time is up.

But he's kept quiet. Impressive.

Right, swap riders.

Next up it's Yousurf and Jevon.

Right, your silence test recommences in three, two, one...

Oh, both riders are down.

But this game is all about keeping quiet

while keeping on a pretend camel.

A lot of giggling

and Miss Adventure's really trying to make them crack.

THEY SNIGGER

Chuckling all over the place, now.

What's Miss Gobstop going to think?

Your silence test is over.

THEY CHEER

I definitely heard some noises, but it's not up to me.

We need to find out what Miss Gobstop thought of your performances.

Miss Gobstop?

Attention, attention. This is Miss Gobstop.

Hmm, John, "Where's the thingy?"

Where is it? Where's the thingy?

Sniggering at the misfortunes of your fellow teammates.

THEY SNIGGER

Class...

Here come the results. Will it be prize number two?

..failed.

THEY GROAN

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da da-da da-da!

What a shame for you. Never mind.

My little camels and I managed to defeat you.

But I've had enough of you. Out the classroom. Go on, get out.

-Out you go.

-Oh!

-I can't believe we failed.

Disappointed.

He kept saying, "Where's the thingy?"

It was unfair that the camels grabbed me legs.

We may have lost this one but the next one...

-ALL:

-We're going to zip it!

See you do.

Meanwhile, in the school hamster's cage.

If silence really is golden, Judy,

you must be a millionaire.

He-he-he!

He-he... Oh.

Bank!

Too right, Hammy. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome

the Lord Of the Dance, Mr Les Prance and his fancy dance pants.

They might be silent but what about his class?

Our students from Sunderland have only banked one prize so far.

-Come in!

-What's it to be in class number three?

Come and sit down.

Hello. We're here!

Thank you. Close the door. Thank you.

Go!

What are you trying to do?

-Your head's bouncing more than your body.

-Now...

I am Mr Prance, teacher of the performing arts,

and here within this class

I'll be testing you to prove that you cannot remain quiet.

-Now, how do you think you will do?

-I think we will pass this one.

Ha ha ha! Well...

Exactly.

CHILDREN STOP LAUGHING

-Fine.

-Fine.

-Are you going to copy everything I say?

-Are you going to copy everything I say?

-Really?

-Really.

-Well, we...

-Well, we...

-As a team...

-As a team...

-..are going to fail.

-Are going to win!

-We shall see.

My silence test is about to begin.

This ballet class is designed to test your poise, grace, elegance,

but, most importantly, your silence.

You must copy every move I do in time with me

in my special designed ballet shoes.

Remember, as always, Miss Gobstop is listening to every sound you make.

You think you look like a ballerina? You look like an angel.

-I take that as a compliment, because I am.

-It wasn't a compliment.

We'll see who's laughing at the end of this test. Action!

So, can our noisy pupils keep their mouths shut during Mr Prance's

special squeaky-shoed ballet class?

There are four parts to this routine. Here is the first, squats.

SQUEAKING

SNIGGERING

There's some definite sniggering going on.

Now for part two, the sidestep.

This time, no laughing.

have they finally cracked it?

SQUEAKING

Moving on to part three, the twists.

SQUEAKING

Oh, and there's a surprise!

Jevon telling the others to keep quiet.

Now, some of my special signature moves.

And with 30 seconds to go, it's the big finale.

Mr Prance, do your dance!

SQUEAKING

MUTTERING

Quite a lot of chatter now.

Are they going to fail a second class?

Your silence test

is complete.

-Yes!

-Yes!

Well, at the end of the silent ballet

I am pleased to inform you that I was amazing.

You, however, I have never heard so much noise in my entire life.

We were meant to be having ballet

and it turned into more like a rock concert. Fortunately for you,

it's not up to me to decide whether you have passed, or failed.

Miss Gobstop has been listening and she will let you know your results.

Attention! This is Miss Gobstop.

'Oh, John, if only your team-mates were as quiet as a feather like you.'

'But were you as a team quiet like a ballerina?

SQUEAKING

'Pitter-patter, pitter-patter. Not chitter chatter!'

-Class...

-Have they danced away with prize number two?

Failed!

-Yes!

-No!

-You seem surprised.

I knew the moment you walked in you'd fail this class.

'Will the new pupils'

please report to my office immediately!

Off you go. Down to the office, losers! Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Yes, yes.

So, with the classes now complete, the pupils are off to

get their reports from Miss Gobstop before the final exam.

Come in. Quickly. In a line.

So, you were sent here because you are all far too noisy.

-We like being noisy.

-Quiet is boring.

-Do you really?

We put you through some silent tests and you have managed to pass one.

We've already told you we like being noisy!

Shall we take a look at your report?

Mahmuda, I admire your constant efforts to keep your team quiet.

SHE MUTTERS

Try not to use words.

Yes? Jevon, giggly, giggled again, and giggled again.

HE GIGGLES

Will you learn?

-I like being loud.

-Do you not want to win?

-Yes but no.

-Yes but no, but like, but no, but yes. OK.

A sniggerer, who developed into a chuckler.

Not really something to be proud of, is it? No.

John. Words fail me. So...

HE LAUGHS

You have banked one prize.

Yes. But you won't get your little fingers on it

unless you pass the final exam.

If you make three noises or more, which take off my Gobstop 3000,

you will be expelled and go home with absolutely nothing.

If you graduate, not only will you win a prize...

Jevon, concentrate.

But you will also take home the ultimate reward,

the Golden Gobstopper.

So, fingers off. So what are we going to do?

-Zip it!

-Very good.

Now get out and go to the science lab!

It's time for the final exam with the Professor.

His dastardly experiments and fiendish inventions are all

that are standing between our unruly pupils and their prizes.

Ah, Guten Tag, meine noise munchkins.

Welcome to your final examination, here in ze laboratory.

I am the Professor, you may have heard of me.

I have my assistant, Herr Helmut. Cluck, cluck, cluck!

Today, we will be testing to see if you have managed to keep silent.

I think that is your twin brother.

It's my twin brother, yes, because we look a lot alike.

Actually, do you know something, he looks a little bit more like you.

What will happen is,

I will set you against the power of my silent laboratory,

and my latest experiments.

If you make three of the bad noises, you'll be expelled.

Ha! Eat failure cake!

But if you manage to keep the silence you will graduate

and win the Golden Gobstopper and prizes.

But this will not happen.

From what I hear you are noisier than chimpanzees hitting

each other over the head with rhinos. Very, very noisy.

You will fail! Flap, flap, flap squish and a grant. Enough of this.

-No, we won't.

-Ah, I like to hear confidence.

The Professor will do anything to stop them

winning the Golden Gobstopper.

Do your worst, Professor.

We will begin the final examination in drei, zwei, eins!

THUNDERCRACK

I did a little poo. Be quiet!

Right, we shall begin with you, I think.

First up is Mahmuda.

This is my latest and greatest invention. It is my non-stick pie.

It has lots of interesting ingredients like puffin chunks,

donkey flakes, panda doo-doo.

That's very important, it's a binding agent.

Want a little look at it? There you go.

Like the look of it?

Tasty, isn't it? She really wants some. You sure?

Pie in the face but she keeps it zipped.

I really like your hair.

HE SNORTS

But Yousurf snorted, is that strike one? Now it's Jevon's turn.

What do we have here? Oh, it's my latest and greatest invention.

The levitating helmet.

What happens is it flies around on the top of your head.

It doesn't get anywhere. Don't worry,

I don't even need to put it on top of your head.

Here we go.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot to turn it on!

Never mind. Perhaps next time.

Not a peep out of him.

Glorious!

Who's next? Ah, you, I think.

Yep, it's Yousurf.

We have my latest and greatest invention. My instant youth cream.

What will happen is

I smear it on you and you instantly look younger.

So you will probably look like a baby, but that's fine.

Let's see now, just a little bit... there.

You look amazing, you look so young!

Yousurf suffered in silence, well done.

Right, but finally my latest and greatest invention.

It's John's turn.

It is the invisible shield. Oh, it's so heavy?

We have to put it just over your head.

What happens is

it keeps you totally shielded from anything that might happen.

Let us test it, shall we?

GIGGLING

Was that a giggle from Jevon?

Oh, I'm so sorry! That is the wrong shield. It lets things through.

Don't worry, I have stuff here to clean it up. Let's see...

And...

Can the pupils survive the final 20 seconds of gunge onslaught?

Let's see. It's one of these levers.

Remember, three strikes means they are expelled

and lose all the prizes they've banked.

Let's just pull everything. Good idea!

Right, that is it, your final examination is over!

Yes!

Right, how do you think you did, my little gabber gooses?

Very well.

I don't know about that. You were so noisy.

Where did you learn to whisper, the grand prix?

But it isn't up to me whether you should pass or fail, it is

up to the beautiful Fraulein Gobstop to see how you will do.

Let's find out. Fraulein Gobstopper!

The Sunderland team have failed two classes and passed one.

With a prize and the Golden Gobstopper at stake,

will they pass the final exam and graduate?

How did these noisy little pigeons do?

I was listening very closely to the Gobstop 3000.

I heard a giggle. I heard grunting.

But did you make three or more? What do you think?

-I think we done well.

-You did, did you? Mahmuda?

-More than three, I think.

-More than three, you think.

Well, only I know.

You will...

Graduate!

Yes!

Oh, it's a fantastic victory for our shouters from Sunderland.

So, how did they do it?

Despite the Professor throwing everything at them

including his non-stick pie, and levitating helmet,

there was only a snort from Yousurf.

I really like your hair.

HE SNORTS

And a giggle from Jevon.

GIGGLING

With only two strikes on the Gobstop 3000, they have graduated

and won the Golden Gobstopper.

-I would like to give you the Golden Gobstopper.

-Thank you.

-Ha ha.

-You may now get your prizes from the confiscation cupboard.

Get out, go!

Yes!

Yes, we won!

Oh!

Another one! Look at this!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd