Episode 4 School of Silence

Welcome to the School Of Silence.

This is where the noisiest children in the country

are sent to prove they CAN keep quiet.

Aaaah!

Ha-ha-haa!

We're about to meet four new arrivals.

But can they keep quiet for just one day?

I doubt it.

Sh!

Sh!

SCHOOL BELL

CHILDREN YELL

Here's how the day works.

The new pupils have three challenging classes to prove

they can be silent, followed by the crucial Final Exam,

which will determine whether they graduate or will be expelled.

If I think the pupils manage to stay quiet enough to pass a class...

..then they will bank a prize from my confiscation cupboard.

But, if I think they're being too noisy...

..they will get nothing.

And I will know about it thanks to this device -

the Gobstop 3,000, the very latest in noise-monitoring technology.

If they pass the Final Exam, they will take all the prizes

they have banked and receive the ultimate reward,

the Golden Gobstopper.

However, if they fail to keep that shut,

I will have no choice but to expel them

and they will go home with absolutely nothing.

Today's screaming students are from London

and are having their noise level monitored by our head mistress,

Miss Gobstop, and form tutor, Mr Gross.

You! Step forward.

-Name!

-Ty!

Slime-loving football-playing Ty says he'd love nothing more

than to blow a foghorn, all day long.

No doubt Miss Gobstop's

worst nightmare.

You! Step forward.

-Name!

-Ajit.

Animal-loving leader of the pack,

Ajit, wants to be a zookeeper

when he's older.

And prides himself on being able to howl like a wolf.

You! Step forward.

-Name!

-Muzzy!

Self-confessed screamer, Muzzy,

thinks bottom burps are hilarious,

and would gladly spend his entire day

making trumping noises.

Purgh, charming.

-You! Step forward. Name!

-Sharif!

Proud noisemonger Sharif wants to be a pilot when he grows up and says

his favourite sound is when everyone

shouts "Surprise!"

at a surprise party. Ah! Isn't that sweet?

Get out. Get them out!

BOYS: Aaaaaaa!

It's time for classes to begin.

The first lesson, General Studies, with Mr, yuck, Gross.

The school's longest-serving member of staff has some very bad habits.

Grimness only knows what he has in store for these pupils.

Today, the boys have a double period with Mr Gross,

which means there are two tests to pass.

Oh, dear. I can only apologise on his behalf.

Come in.

BOYS: Yeah!

Quiet, please. Quiet. Oh, my goodness!

Why are you shutting the door so loudly for?

-Why not?

-Well, because it's the School Of Silence.

-But we're not silent.

-Exactly.

-I know. That's why you're here,

and I'm going to put you through your first silent test, Muzzy.

I don't think you can do it.

I think you're just going to be noisy, and get no prizes,

and go home with nothing.

-Why do you have to be so bossy?

-Because you're so noisy and naughty.

At all times, Miss Gobstop is listening on your fluffy microphones.

And she knows if you're making noise.

Am I boring you, boys?

-BOYS: Yes.

-Sir.

It's time for your first silent test.

This is the first of Mr Gross's two silent tests.

It's very important to have a trade in life, you see?

Which is why today we're going to learn about plumbing.

What we have here are three pipes from the school plumbing system,

which are unfortunately blocked with a mystery liquid.

Your job is to stand on either end of the pipe

and unblock it by giving it a good blow.

And then, at the end of that, we'll see who is the best plumber

out of you all.

It's very important to plumb in silence.

So, they must unblock three pipes by blowing down them,

which means one of them will get a face full of water.

They must be quiet if they want to bank a prize.

First up is Muzzy and Ty.

Your silent test starts now.

Three, two, one, plumb.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Argh, I hate you!

And it's a disastrous start. Both talking and laughing out loud.

This is not the idea, chaps.

Pipe number two and it's Ajit versus Sharif.

Who will be the first to clear the pipe, this time?

Three,

two,

one, plumb!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Come on! This is a silent test, boys! But that was a great shot.

Let's see that again.

Lovely.

Two outbursts in a row. That could cost them.

On this end. Last pipe.

This is your last pipe. Silently, remember. OK.

And finally the two best plumbers go head to head.

Remember, don't try this crazy plumbing technique at home.

Three,

two,

one, plumb!

Oh, that was a beauty. Let's see it again.

-I won.

-Your first silent test is over.

ALL: Yeah! Shush.

Muzzy, you were clearly the best plumber,

but were you a silent plumber?

Yes.

-What about the rest of your team?

-Yes.

We'll find out if you've passed or not at the end of the class.

Now, it's time for another silent test.

Your next test is about something very important. Babysitting.

Which, in the future, can earn you a bit of extra pocket money

and may come in useful if you're unlucky enough

to have children of your own.

We'll bring them in, if you're ready. Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Don't sound too enthusiastic. ALL: Yes!

I said DON'T sound too enthusiastic. Crikey!

Come in, Nursie. Oh, look at my lovely children.

-Er.

-Er!

What we're going to do, Nursie and I will hand you

out the children and you must give them a nice little hug

but you must do it in silence or you'll fail.

Your silent test starts now.

Little do the boys know that Mr Gross' very realistic dolls

actually trump and wet themselves, a bit like him.

How will our students react when it happens in their laps?

Can they keep quiet enough to bank a prize?

Give him a little stroke. On the hairs. Comb over.

Ajit doesn't look like a natural babysitter,

but, remember, it's about holding in the noise.

Nargh!

Spot of piddling, there, from a mini Gross. Ajit wasn't expecting that.

I'm afraid he had a little accident.

-FART

-ER!

Ty wasn't impressed with that surprise baby bottom burp,

and Miss Gobstop won't be with all that noise.

These babies are pumping and peeing at full pelt. Phwaor!

RESTRAINED GIGGLE

Muzzy is finding this very funny.

I doubt he'll find losing as amusing.

Lots and lots of giggling going on.

They really need to up their game if they want to bank a prize.

And Sharif is in danger of losing his breakfast.

If you're going to barf, remember, do it quietly.

And the last baby, there.

Aaaar!

Ooh! Has an accident all over Muzzy.

Now, if I was looking for a silent babysitter,

I doubt I'd be giving any of these guys a call.

And your silent test is over.

How do you think you did?

ALL: Good!

It doesn't matter what you think,

or even what I think, or what Nursie thinks.

Or what Teddy thinks.

The only person whose opinion counts is Miss Gobstop.

Herself.

She is going to tell us how you been doing,

and whether you've passed or whether you've failed.

This is Miss Gobstop!

Ajit, you put a spanner in the works with your constant chit chat.

Sharif, you're a giggler.

Muzzy, you might have been the best plumber

but you couldn't keep your mouth shut to let it out.

Ty,

talking,

giggling,

-backchat.

-Ar, I hate you!

Class...

Well, a lot of noise in both tests in this first class.

Will they have blown any chance of banking a prize?

..failed! ALL: Nooooo!

Get out of my class. Go on. Clear off. I never want to see you again.

We don't want to see you, either.

Good luck for the rest of the day.

-You're going to need it.

-Aaaaar!

-Aaar!

Don't slam the door!

We failed!

We failed the mission, but the next time,

it's going to be mission accomplished.

Attention, attention!

This is the School Of Silence.

I've just heard from Justin Daniels,

lead singer with boy band Really Wanted.

ALL SCREAM

Sadly, he cannot visit today, as planned. He's tied up.

It's time for class 2. Geography with Miss Adventure.

Our intrepid explorer has silenced roaring lions

and laughing hyenas, but can she keep these kids quiet in her class?

Having banked absolutely no prizes so far

-they've got everything to play for.

-Come in, young roamers.

Yeah!

You couldn't see me, there, could you? I was completely camouflaged.

Wey!

Yes, sit down. Welcome, class.

I'm Miss Adventure, geography teacher.

I understand you failed Mr Gross' class, didn't you?

Boooh! Fail. Ooh-hoo, you fail. Yes, Sharif?

Erm, we're going to pass.

Do you think you're all going to pass my class?

-Obviously.

-I can't hear you. Do think you're going to pass?

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-That's good.

So, we got a test for you, today, a silence test.

And if you're silent, you might win a prize.

If you're noisy, you get nothing.

It's time for my silence test.

The animal world is full of sworn enemies that must be kept apart.

The trick is to do it silently.

Now, today, I have two of the animal world's most fearsome opponents.

Don't be frightened. Don't be frightened, right?

We're not frightened.

I can see the fear in your eyes.

I ain't got no fear.

Dog and elephant.

Oh, my!

Now, boys, no! No! No!

Stand back a bit. They're quite fearsome.

So, the aim of the game is to keep these angry animals apart

whilst not making a sound.

This should be interesting.

Back! Back! The silence test begins in three, two, one.

The boys have exactly one minute to silently keep

these animals apart in order to bank

their first prize.

GIGGLING

This dog is just out of the public pound

for bad behaviour.

He is a right little scrapper.

I fear the giggles will only make him angry.

Ty and Sharif are doing their best

to keep elephant back.

One swing of his trunk

and it will be all over for dog

and for this little lot,

if they keep up that noise.

Halfway through.

The boys are going for the classic

ankle grab manoeuvre to keep these two apart.

If only they could keep

their mouths shut while doing it!

10 seconds.

This is great stuff, fight fans,

but time's nearly up on this mini battle.

Have our peacemakers made

too much noise to bank a prize?

Your silence test is over. ALL: Yeah!

-Ajit, how do you think you did?

-Fine, good.

-No, not fine. Brilliant.

-Doesn't matter what I think.

Doesn't matter what you think.

It's about what Miss Gobstop thinks.

We'll find if you passed or failed.

Attention, attention! This is Miss Gobstop.

The Gobstop 3,000 picked up whispers and chuckles.

You, Muzzy, and Ty, were the noisiest of boys.

What if they fall on me?

Class...

Oh, have they managed to outfox Miss Gobstop,

or will it be a second fail in a row?

..Failed!

ALL: Oooooh!

What a shame! Never mind.

Anyway, move out of the way, elephant. I've had enough of you.

Come on, class. Get out, class.

-Out you go.

-We failed!

ALL: Aaaar!

That's so unfair, man.

Next time, I have a dream.

I promise myself, and especially the other people,

that the next class we will pass,

and we won't even just pass, it will be...

ALL: Mission accomplished.

And this time, the other class is going to be easy-peasy.

ALL: Loud and screamy!

Yes, wise words, there.

Meanwhile, in the school's hamster cage.

That Sir Alan Sugar rang me, earlier.

I gave him your phone number.

He's looking for a silent partner.

Ha-ha-ha! Silent partner. Bang!

We're halfway through the day,

which means it's time for the next challenge.

Class 3, performing arts with Mr Prance.

From the glittering West End to

the wrong end of a pantomime horse,

Mr Prance will find out

if these boys can perform quietly.

Having failed two classes in a row,

the London boys are on a losing streak.

-Come in, come in, come in. Sit down, sit down.

-Yo, yo, yo. What's up?

To get their hands on any prizes at all, they must try harder.

You are some crazy person.

Chicken? A rubber chicken? Crazy!

I can't find my marbles.

I'm Mr Prance, your teacher of the performing arts.

And in this class I'll be testing to prove that you cannot remain quiet.

-You think you're going to pass my silence test? Really?

-Yeah!

Throughout the entire test,

Miss Gobstop will be listening to every single sound you make.

Are you ready? ALL: Yes!

-Are you ready for us?

-Of course I'm ready for you. I was born ready.

It is now time for my silence test.

My silence test is all about silent bellringing.

You will select a bell and you must remain completely silent,

no matter what happens.

You see, we have pigeons and I think one or two of them

may have left a slight deposit.

Your silence test has begun.

So, bellringing in silence. Hmm.

Our noisy pupils will take it in turns to sit under a bell,

which Mr Prance will ring.

They must stay silent, no matter what happens. Up first is Ty.

Ty was saved by the bell, there. Just a dusting of feathers.

I doubt the rest of them will have such a lucky escape.

Next up is a nervous-looking Muzzy.

Ooh, and it's bells away.

-Aarrgh!

-Ah, that shocked yelp registered on the Gobstop 3,000.

Will they be failed for it?

The rest of the class are really trying to stay silent.

Sharif is next, determined to pass this test. Can he keep it together?

A classic ring followed by a textbook gunge from the pigeons.

Really lovely stuff.

Last up, it's Ajit.

These guys are really trying to keep quiet in order to bank a prize.

A spot of seal-like clapping from Ty, there.

Would it be too much for Miss Gobstop?

Ajit, despite the soaking,, did manage to stay quiet.

It's as if he's learning.

And your silent test is over.

ALL: Yeah!

In your face! In your face!

I think it was in YOUR faces.

Well, a big improvement from the boys, there.

But will it be enough to pass and bank a prize?

Well, at the end of my silent test,

I can confirm, without a shadow of a doubt, that, in fact, I was amazing.

You, however, giggling and sniggering going on.

Well, it's not for me to decide.

Miss Gobstop has been listening to you all

and she will give you your final result.

Attention, attention! This is Miss Gobstop.

There was chatter from all of you.

Don't you understand the meaning of silence?

You boys don't leave a lot to imagination.

But, did your chitter chatter set-off the Gobstop 3,000?

Hmm!

Class...

Ooh-er! Miss Gobstop laying down the law, there.

But did they manage to keep quiet enough to grab their first prize?

Failure here would mean they haven't won anything all day.

..passed!

ALL: Yeah!

This is Miss Gobstop.

Will the new pupils please report to my office, immediately?

Yes, get out. Out! Bye-bye! Out! Out!

-Yeah!

-Out!

-Woo-hoo!

So, with the classes now complete, the pupils

are off to get their report from Miss Gobstop before the Final Exam.

Enter!

ALL: Yeah!

We're going to look at your reports. Are you ready? Here we go.

Muzzy, I've heard not only giggles but actual words out of your mouth.

I won!

Ty, what can I say?

Started as a backchatter, kind of still a backchatter.

Giggled, but I did notice in the last class that you did

actually try to be quiet.

-Ajit.

-Yeah.

-You're a shusher.

-What?

-Do you know what that is?

-No.

Sh! You do that a lot.

It actually makes a noise so it's not actually quiet.

Sh!

Sharif, you have actually been the quietest.

-Well, thank you.

-You're very welcome.

So, listen up. You have one final test.

You'll be taken to the Professor's science lab.

You have banked one prize from the confiscation cupboard.

Could've been three, couldn't keep it shut, so you only have one.

You've got one more chance to graduate.

If you keep it shut, you can take home your prizes.

If you don't keep it shut,

I will expel you and you will leave the school with nothing.

So, get out of my class.

-Out!

-OK. We see, when we finished, comb your hair. Comb your hair.

Get out of my class!

ALL: Bye!

ALL: Yeah!

It's time for the Final Exam with The Professor.

His mind-boggling experiments are designed to get the pupils

to make as much noise as possible.

This is not going to be easy for them.

Ah, guten Tag, children and welcome to the laboratory.

I am the professor.

You may have heard of me.

Today, with the help of my assistant, Herr Helmut, cluck, cluck, cluck.

Look at me! I'm a zombie chicken. Get off, you fool!

Today we will be going you through your Final Examination,

to see if you have learned the silence, ya?

-Are you ready to begin?

-No.

-You're not ready? Well, that is tough.

It will begin in drei, zwei, eins!

So, the professor is going to do all he can to keep

these noisy children from London winning any prizes, at all.

This should be interesting. Game on!

This is one of my greatest inventions.

It is a singing chicken. It is like a chicken version of Lady Gaga.

It's things all these popular songs. You will... What's that?

Wah?

You think you're going to be sick? You can't be sick in the laboratory.

No sick in the laboratory. You can't be sick.

-Oh, oh, aaaah!

-Ah!

Ooh, a definite noise, there.

That could be strike one.

I'm so sorry. This is terrible.

But now we come to you, my friend.

Sharif's up the next. Hope he's hungry.

This is my dream pie. Oh, yes.

This pie can read your dreams.

We have put various other ingredients in it like some panda juice,

and some pigeon dust, and all manner of things,

but don't let that put you off.

It is reading your dreams, right now.

It is wanting you to get a pie in the face!

But putrid pie was no match for silent Sharif. Amazing!

What does the professor have in store for Ajit?

Ah!

I have something very special for you. It is my time-freezing machine.

Are you ready? Time freeze, activate!

Why have you not frozen?

Have you broken my machine?

I have never... How did you break my machine? I've never been more.

Ajit trying to silently dodge the silly string, there.

What happened to you? You're a terrible mess.

What am I doing with this?

Ooh, and what does he have for Ty?

What do we have for you?

One of the most deadliest and smelliest things known to man.

It is one of Mr Gross' socks.

Oh! Oh, this is awful.

Oh, you cannot run away.

Oh! Oh!

Will the stinking, stenchy sock break Ty's silence?

No? He has a stronger stomach than me.

What is wrong?

It is horrible. I think I'm going to be sick.

You can't be sick in the laboratory.

There's enough sick, already.

Er, here, here! Muuurgh!

That's what can only be described as a stunned silence, there, from Ty.

Don't worry, this is my clean machine.

I will be able to clean you up.

Oh, there's a lot in the system.

Shushing from Ajit. Ooh, that could be another strike.

There's only 20 seconds to go.

Can they keep it shut

as the gallons of gunge continue?

Now, I'm stunned at how

silent this lot are being,

despite the torrent of slime!

The machine is not functioning!

That's it!

Your silent test is over!

ALL: Yeah!

Well, how do think you did? Did you make any of the noises?

-Do think you won?

-ALL: Yes!

Well, if it is up to me and Helmut, you would fail,

but it is not up to me.

It is up to the beautiful Fraulein to see if you have passed.

So, with one prize on the line

and the Golden Gobstopper in their sights,

did this boisterous bunch managed to keep quiet enough

to pass the Final Exam?

So, despite our chat, I picked up giggling,

and Ajit, from you, you little backchatter.

-Yeah?

-Shushing. You've passed one class, failed two.

Not a good deal. But did you graduate? Or will you be expelled?

My Gobstop 3,000 has spoken.

You

have...

..graduated!

ALL: Yeah!

Yes! It's a huge success for our London boys.

Let's see how they did it.

Despite some giggling from Ty,

and shushing from Ajit,

they only notched up two strikes on the Gobstop 3000,

which means they've graduated and won the Golden Gobstopper.

Get out and get your prizes.

You've graduated. ALL: Yeah!

Hearing things!

Clean their ears!

ALL: Yeah!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd