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# Time is running out
# Stories to be found
# What's it all about?
# Got to go and check around
# If there's a rumour going round
# Don't you forget it
# Wherever something's going down
# Got to get that scoop!
# Got to get that scoop!
# Got to get that scoop!
# Got to get that S-C-O-O-P! #
One sugar, please. And make it a big one.
FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!
One day I will read my articles from a paper
that is not like a wet dishcloth or confetti!
I see you're logged on and still obsessed with Pilbury Bigfoot.
Let me know when you find him.
That would make a front page story!
Trust my trousers to fall down in front of the Queen.
She saw the funny side.
She pretended to be annoyed and have me thrown out,
but he really wanted me to stay to tea. I could see it in her eyes.
-Hacker, what are you doing?
You know what you've found here?
You have discovered absolute convincing proof...
..that we own...
..one large walking jacket and a mop.
I'm sorry. But I admire your enthusiasm.
You'll make a lovely reporter one day. Talking of which,
Mr De Lacey should be phoning with another top story.
No, he will.
I know he will.
I'll phone him to check he's phoning me.
Max De Lacey.
I'm expecting a call about you from Buckingham Palace.
Do you mean a knighthood?
No. Hopefully imprisonment in the Tower of London! Ha ha ha!
98. Come on, Simon.
Put your back into it!
Any more mess-ups and you'll be jam-making for your career.
As long as it's not raspberry.
Oh, listen, listen.
Explorer Baz Allen plans an expedition to Pilbury Forest
to research the blue-spotted newt.
He wants the press to go and capture the scene. You up to it?
My Cub Scout nature badge is still my proudest achievement.
Your only achievement!
You'll live in the wilderness for two days, so go prepared.
Don't let this paper down.
Your future depends on it.
Ha ha ha!
Blue-spotted newt! If that gets the front pages, I'm a monkey's uncle!
The blue-spotted newt! That's a front page for definite.
And living in the wilderness with Baz Allen!
I'm going to pack now.
Fly cream. Mosquito cream.
That's normal cream. Never mind. I'll have it on my strawberries!
Come on, Hacker!
Never mind your Pilbury Bigfoot. This is real nature.
The blue-spotted newt!
No, I'll tell you what, Hacker. Leave the sat nav.
Let's do without modern technology for one day and use our brains.
There's a real map.
-Hacker, what are you doing?!
This map's actual size!
Where are you? Hacker!
No more messing about, all right? Get the sat nav on and set course pronto.
The most direct route to Pilbury Forest...
..via Kenny's Burgers, of course.
I'm exploring the remote forests of Pilbury,
in search of the elusive blue-spotted newt.
It's only found in the wildest terrain,
so we'll need our survival skills
-and that means it's essential to wear the right gear.
Top of the morning, mate!
-Who are you?
-Digby D Digworth, Pilbury Post,
Cub Scout rambling badge and attendance at a three-day camp.
And the runner-up in the stick-fetching contest,
-Pilbury Dog Show, at your service.
A few provisions, mate.
Custard creams? Strawberries?
This is a wilderness expedition, mate, not Sunday in a theme park!
-Kalahari bush men aren't adverse to Digestives!
-Get rid of it!
Selena Sharp of the Gwiglington Gazette.
Digby Digworth. Quelle surprise!
I thought the new boating pond in the park
-would be more up your street.
I see you've brought your mascot.
I thought this was an exclusive!
I needed two reporters in case something happens to one of us.
It takes two to carry a stretcher.
-Yeah. It's a jungle! Well, forest, but you get my drift.
Mr Allen, my friend would like to know
-if there's any truth in the local Bigfoot.
We're after the blue-spotted newt, my friends.
We will shelter from wind and rain
using only the leaves and branches from the forest.
Now, let us leave behind the comforts of home
and set off into the heart of darkness.
Right. Time to build shelters. Make sure they blend into the forest.
The blue-spotted newt must not detect us.
Ha ha ha!
Are you insane, Digworth?
You'll frighten off all wildlife for ten miles.
I want a proper shelter there, in ten minutes.
Yes. You heard the man, Hacker. Go and fetch some proper logs.
Shall I put the kettle on?
OK, you cunning little blighter.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Come on, Digby. Keep up.
This is harder than I thought. Are you all right, Hacker?
-What are you doing? He told us not to stray from the path!
If we don't see this reptile before Selena
-I'll pretend you're a newt.
-Still obsessed with the Pilbury Bigfoot, are we?
The most important thing is the blue-spotted newt.
-Forget the newt!
Bigfoot, here we come.
-Baz, are you all right?
-I think we've stumbled across something.
-Nothing new there.
-He was stumbling all day.
-Well, could it be?
It says here, 'Size 11, leather soles, canvas uppers'.
Oh, wait. There's more!
That's amazing! Bigfoot is wearing the same shoes I am!
Idiot! He IS you. You've been following your own footsteps!
We're after the blue-spotted newt.
We're after the blue-spotted newt! HACKER BARKS
Hacker, I reckon we've got as much chance of finding this newt
as a needle in a haystack.
What would you rather see on the front page?
A massive Bigfoot, or a three-inch navy blue newt?
< All right, team. Start setting your newt traps.
He wants a trap, does he?
I'll give him a trap!
-Thanks for your help, Hacker.
Cover the hole so Bigfoot doesn't suspect.
Digby! That's a very big trap to catch a three-inch newt.
No, no, no!
Not at all. The newt will expect a small hole. They're very cunning.
You wouldn't be trying to go after something bigger?
Work faster! I think she suspects something.
Tell me you've got an exclusive photo of the blue-spotted newt.
-I've got an exclusive photo of the blue-spotted newt.
-Front page of the nature section.
-Sir, it's not true.
Why did you say it?
-Because you told me to.
Oh, no, but I'm glad you rang because I think we've caught it now.
Listen to this.
(Make some noises like a newt.)
-Make some newt noises!
Did you hear that? The croaks of the legendary blue-spotted newt.
-Remarkable! What other noises can he make?
That newt has certainly got some vocal chords!
-I'll clear the front page of the nature section!
You won't regret it.
Go, Simon, go!
Excellent! Lunchtime. I am starving.
What's this? Cold chicken? Ham? Strawberries?
I told you to get rid of this. We're living wild, idiot. Off the land!
That's your dinner. Beech leaves.
See, that's how you do it.
Excellent, Digby. You caught some beech leaves.
Much more difficult than fishing, I find.
No... But...in fact, I can fish as well.
This is one I caught earlier. Pretty big chap, too.
Put up a bit of a struggle, I can tell you.
Show me it!
-I'm not surprised. It's chilly in that river.
The blue-spotted newt. I sense his vibrations.
GLUGGING That's my stomach rumbling.
-We need to get out there.
I'll come. I can get a shot from 400 metres with this.
Well, I've got a range of 4 feet with this. And it's got a built-in flash!
Selena, you keep watch.
-You...come with me.
-Good luck, Digby.
Remember, put the camera to your eye and push the button.
Yeah, thanks, Selena(!)
What are you looking at?
Right. Let's see who'll get a picture of something a bit bigger
than a stupid blue newt, shall we?
SHE CACKLES EVILLY
He's close. We need to lure him.
-Do you know the call of the newt?
-Who recorded that? Yes, Girls Aloud.
The cry of the blue-spotted newt, you fool! Listen.
Use it, and he will come.
Never mind the newt. The call of Bigfoot will get us the front page.
Come on, you big hairy monster! Come to Digby!
What was that?
Did you hear that? SQUAWK!
It's the newt!
It's coming from over there.
You wait here, Hacker. A shot of the newt is better than nothing.
It's coming from behind this bush.
Steady now, Digby.
Don't make a sound.
I spy a scoop!
I've got the newt! I've got the newt!
Baz! You do that newt call awfully well.
-Have you ever thought of entering Britain's Got Talent?
That didn't sound like a newt. You have to hit the upper notes.
That's more like it.
What a day!
Well, goodnight everybody.
What did he say?
Digby, after you've jumped on somebody's head
they're not likely to be chatty!
Sleep well, Baz.
Good night, Hacker.
THE TENT UNZIPS
Now stop messing about. Come on, stop it. Stop it.
You're getting a cold, Hacker.
Have to get you some medicine. GROWLING
I'm really hungry. Get us a sausage roll out of my bag, will you?
I'm sure I left one in there.
You know what? I think the old life in the forest suits you.
You're becoming quite muscular. Good night, Hacker.
Oh, where is he? Hacker!
(Faking a photo of Bigfoot! How low can you go?)
I wish I'd thought of that.
Steady, Digby. Get a shot of her.
-What are you doing, Digworth?
-I... I... I've newted the spot.
Er, blue the newt...
Spied the newt. Yeah.
GROWLING AND WHIMPERING
Well, well, well!
At least you've found Hacker.
Do you know what, Selena?
I never thought a member of our noble profession
would stoop so low as to actually fake a photo!
How long have we known each other? Years.
I mean, we were at journalist school together.
I always used to look up to you.
Especially when I was sitting down.
You've let me down and you've let yourself down.
And you've let Baz down. Have to tell Baz cos you've let him down too.
Hang on, if she's over there...
Argh! It's a big hairy monster!
Oh, Selena, it's you.
-You're not still on about that Bigfoot nonsense, are you?
-Did you take a picture?
-Not exactly. I fainted.
Oh, really! What, a hardened reporter like you?
-Never mind. Looks like I've got the picture of the century.
Oh, no(!) It looks like I've accidentally deleted it.
You'll have to get another shot.
It's time we got some advice. Every top reporter needs a source.
No, Hacker. A source of information.
-Sid The Source.
He must be around here somewhere.
-Watch where you put your hands!
-Who said that?
Keep your voice down. You'll wake the woodworm.
-Don't want them wriggling about.
-Sid, amazing! How do you do that?
It's hard. I've got a woodpecker in the upper branches.
I can't hear myself think!
-There he goes again.
-How do you get close to Bigfoot?
-I don't know.
-So am I.
Nothing more powerful than love.
Don't even think about it!
Come away, Hacker.
You're suggesting I woo a big hairy monster.
All you've gotta do is...
Hacker, doggy bank.
Dress up as a nice lady Bigfoot
and he'll eat out the palm of your hand.
Where can I get a costume from?
It so happens I've got one and it's going very cheap...
Wow! Sid, how does a female Bigfoot differ from a male?
-Are her markings more subtle? Is she less athletic?
-No, not really.
She's got long eyelashes and a skirt.
Let me know if you see Baz, Hacker.
-This'll take some explaining.
How do I look?
HE WINCES Here we go.
HE WOLF WHISTLES
There he is!
Oh, Hacker, he likes you!
He probably thinks you're a Littlefoot!
Hold it there while I get a shot.
BIGFOOT WOLF WHISTLES
Hold on, you. Steady. Marriage isn't something to rush into, you know.
Let's take things one step at a time. Argh!
Just get this shot and it's the front page for me.
I think I've shaken him off. Got to get my camera...
Is that the real Bigfoot or Selena?
It's Selena, the scheming cheat. She's got my camera.
She'll delete all my photos!
The legendary blue-spotted newt!
After all these years.
Keep away from it, you hairy beast!
Baz, you don't understand! It's her in a costume.
What are you blathering about? Tie it up. It might hurt the newt.
I'll prove it to you. I'll rip the head off.
Selena, you should see a dentist.
It's the real Bigfoot!
Hold still, I can't get him!
-Hacker, do something!
Here it is. My life's dream!
The last remaining blue-spotted newt on the planet!
Ladies and gentlemen, after years of searching,
I present to you the legendary blue-spotted newt.
Oh, dear! Everything seems to have gone a little flat.
D'you know what, though?
I reckon one day we'll all look back on this and laugh!
HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
Ah, hot off the press, Simon.
Another award-winning front page, no doubt.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail [email protected]
# S-C-O-O-P! #