Out of This World Scoop

# Time is running out

# Stories to be found

# What's it all about?

# Got to go and check around

# If there's a rumour going round

# Don't you forget it

# Whenever something's going down

# Got to get that scoop

# Got to get that scoop

# Got to get that scoop

# Got to get that S-C-O-O-P! #

HE SNORES, BIRDS TWITTER

SQUELCH

ALARM BEEPS

HE SNORES, ALARM BEEPS

MUSIC BOX PLAYS

-TEDDY:

-Ah, time to wake up, sleepy head.

Oi! Clutterbutts, get your big bottom outta bed

or I'll put worms in your Y-fronts!

BEEPING

Paperboy!

TOY MOUSE SQUEAKS

HE ROARS

THUMPING AND CRASHING

Ha-ha!

Mwah.

Argh!

Yes, Planet Paolo is proud to present

the jumping Jupiter jalapeno pepperoni pizza.

'Another star from our intergalactic menu,

'because we're simply out of this world!

'And don't forget,

'all our pizzas are served with rocket dressing.

'Mmm!

'# Nothing beats a Paolo Pizza

'# You can eat them hot or cold... #'

I've got the paper, Hacker.

My report on the Pilbury raft race should be in it today.

They leant us that special unsinkable raft,

the only one of its kind. And it sank.

"Raft race reporter's ridicule."

Don't look at me like that. It must have been faulty.

Now, what's for breakfast?

Have we got any pizza left?

Today is the last day of Planet Paolo's photo competition.

If you want to win a year's supply of pizza, just send me

a space-age photo of anything that is simply out of this world!

'Yes, that's right, a year's supply of any one of my fantastic pizzas,

'maybe the Venusian, or the spicy solar hot one.

'Or, for you fungi fiends, there's the Mercurian margarita.'

-IN SLOW, ROBOTIC VOICE:

-Oh, pizza. Yum!

Yeah! Pizza, yum.

Yes, Planet Paolo, the place for pizza.

CAMERA CLICKS

Do you know what, Hacker, I don't think there's

anyone in Pilbury that hasn't entered this photo competition.

Except you, of course.

-MOON LANDING FOOTAGE:

-'The Eagle has landed.

'Roger, we copy you on the ground.'

I stand corrected.

All right then, go on then, bark "cheese".

You're wasting your time, you know.

I've got something here

that will guarantee me winning the competition.

Get your paws off. I'm expecting a phone call from Max at any moment.

He's due to call any minute now.

He said he would.

I'm sure he will.

CLOCK TICKS

I'll tell you what, I'll call him

just to check he's going to call me.

PHONE RINGS

Max De Lacey, editor of The Pilbury Post

and winner of Planet Paolo's Out Of This World competition...

Boss! You're entering the competition too?

Yeah, why not? I'm telling you, Digby, to make it really big

you shouldn't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Hang on.

What is it now, Simon?

I think I'm allergic, sir.

Oh, ah, lergic.

Allergic. Lergic.

Good name. From the planet Lerge.

MAX CHUCKLES

I won't be needing you to cover any stories today, Digby.

'I'm devoting today's edition entirely to Planet Paolo's.'

That should help decide who wins this competition.

Oh!

Now, say "cheese".

HE TAKES PICTURE

OK, Hacker, stop acting like a roast chicken and get unwrapped.

We are going to take a prize-winning photo,

and you are going to need this.

Don't worry. It's guaranteed. I got it off the internet.

Oh!

HACKER WHIMPERS

Look, I keep telling you, Hacker, there's nothing to worry about.

I don't think so, anyway.

Oh, you've noticed that, have you? That's going to be you!

It's really safe, look.

It says "Not tested on humans" so it's got to be safe for dogs.

It's really simple, look.

All I do is I add the solid fuel pellet to the water there.

Then I secure the digital ignition release mechanism.

-And then I take a photo as you zoom across the sky!

-Uhhh...

Oh!

If you won't do it for me, do it for the pizzas.

This prize could be ours.

HACKER GRUMBLES

Well, done, Hacker.

You're gonna be the first dog in space!

Not the first dog in space, actually,

the first one to come back. Probably.

-All right Mr Dungworth?

-Digworth!

-Can I have my flying saucer back?

-This is for your competition photo?

It's very good, Carl. A little bit on the small side.

HACKER BARKS ANXIOUSLY

It's all right. Calm down, Hacker. Calm down.

HACKER GROWLS

Carl Pringle!

Oh, sorry, Mr Dungworth(!)

DIG-worth!

I'll take that, shall I?

A paddling pool flying saucer!

I don't think so, Carl, eh?

HACKER HUMS INNOCENTLY

Sorry about that, Hacker.

Well, this is it.

The point...of no return.

Five!

Four!

Three!

Two!

Hang on.

Five, four, three, two...

One!

Zero!

HACKER SIGHS

I don't know what happened there.

Hold on to me camera a mo.

Maybe the fuel pellet hadn't dissolved properly.

I can see what it is, look. The string had broken!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Whoa! Yes! We have lift-off!

Camera. Hacker, give me my camera.

All right, you take the picture.

Just don't panic! Don't panic!

I hope he's all right.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Wow!

BUTTONS BEEP

Splashdown. He's going to need something to splash down in.

It's all right, Hacker.

I've got you!

I've got you!

Hacker.

Hacker, are you all right?

-HACKER WHIMPERS

-Thank goodness.

Now, where's the camera? Did you get the shot?

A year's supply of pizza for the most out-of-this-world photo.

And what's our picture?

-A compost heap!

-Ow!

Whoah! Whoah-oah!

Whoah-oah!

Did you hear something, Hacker?

Whoah! Whoah!

Whoah! Whoah!

Very good, Carl. Is that your latest effort, an out of this world alien?

Pizza!

You're never going to win with this costume.

I can see where the head's stitched on there. And the sleeves!

Look at the state of that! Oi, Carl.

Grab the other sleeve and give him a tug.

Carl? It's you!

That's not you. You're you!

-Mr Dungworth?

-Digworth.

-Then who are you?

-Pizza!

It's a real alien! A pizza-loving alien!

Hacker, where's the camera?

This could be the biggest story The Pilbury Post has ever had!

A year's supply of pizza, more like.

I've got to get my mobile.

Let's get him out of here before Carl comes back.

This is our scoop. Come on.

-Pizza!

-Yes, lots of lovely pizza.

Where's that alien?

No!

'Iglick! Iglick! Iglick!'

We've lost him.

Nothing can stop us now!

Whoah!

SPLASHING

We can't go down there.

It's much too dangerous.

The biggest story in the history of Pilbury, gone...

down the drain. Where did you get that from?

HACKER GRUMBLES

I've got it!

-ECHOING BELOW:

-Pizza!

Yes, yes, it's just struck me.

You're a dog.

Yes, we know you're a dog,

but you can use your amazing hearing to track him.

Oh.

HACKER MUTTERS

This way?

Are you sure?

-BUBBLING

-I can hear him surfacing.

I'm sorry, I thought you were a creature from outer space.

I can explain.

No, listen...listen to me.

THUMP

Blaagh!

Pizza!

Pizza? Of course! Now I know where he's heading.

'Iglick! Iglick! Iglick!'

-RADIO:

-'And don't forget there's only a couple of hours left

'to get your out-of-this-world pictures

'to Paolo's Planet Pizza Parlour.'

Oh...pizza!

Yum.

With this bait and your powers of hearing, Hacker,

we'll have a picture of that alien in no time.

-TRACKING DEVICE:

-'Pizza.'

What is it?

By the tent?

Come to Digby.

Come to Digby. Gotcha!

Oh, no, I can explain. Ugh!

Ahhh! Hacker! Hacker!

Anything, Hacker? A real-life alien and we've lost him.

Who's going to believe us without a photo? We've got to get him back.

And it's times like these that every top reporter needs a source!

No, Hacker, not pizza sauce, source of information.

Sid the Source!

HE DIALS PHONE

Sid, what do you know about weird and strange forms of life?

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself, Digby.

Not me. Little green men. What do you know about them?

If they're not blinking, it's safe to cross the road.

This is serious, Sid. We found a real-life pizza-loving alien.

Positive proof of extraterrestrial beings.

-Oh, congratulations. What's your problem?

-We lost him.

Oh, that's a bit careless, isn't it?

Well, you know the drill.

Doggy bank, Hacker.

Although the answer's so simple I hardly like to take your money.

But I'll force myself.

HE RATTLES PIGGY-BANK

Well, the thing is, you gotta...

PNEUMATIC DRILL DROWNS OUT SPEECH

..and that's all there is to it.

Would you mind repeating that, please, Sid.

What I said was, that the...

PNEUMATIC DRILL DROWNS OUT SPEECH

-..and that's all there is to it, got it?

-Only up until "Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr"!

Would you mind turning the drill off, for a moment?

Ah, sorry. Holes don't dig themselves, you know?

Time is money, if you know what I mean.

Well, a pizza-loving alien.

Where do you think you'd go?

-RADIO:

-'# Nothing beats a Paolo's Pizza... #'

Paolo's Pizza, it's out of this world!

# Nothing beats a Paolo's Pizza

# You can have them hot or cold

# Space-aged pizza

# They're out of this world! #

Ah, my little pizza bambinos, soon you will have a new home

with the winner of my competition, but their photograph

will have to be really out of this world to deserve all of you!

CLICKING AND CRASHING

Pizza, yum!

Sid was right, where else would a pizza-loving alien go?

But it looks like someone has got here before us.

All right, Mr Dungworth?

-Digworth.

-Alien bait. You might as well give up,

I'm just about to take the winning photo.

This is a huge news story, Carl.

You have to see the big picture.

Good idea, I'll get enlargements made.

No, this is history in the making.

I know, I'm going to win a year's supply of pizza!

At times like this, Hacker,

do you know what every top reporter's sidekick needs?

No, this.

HACKER SQUEALS AND TREMBLES

ENGINES ROAR

Oh, another alien!

Half vegetable, half dog. I've got to get a shot of that.

LADLES CLATTER

< Pizza, yum.

< Pizza, yum.

Pizza, yum.

ALIEN BURPS

The first alien to visit the Earth and I've got his picture!

Do you know what people will say?

-ALIEN GOBBLES FOOD NOISILY

-Shhh!

PHONE RINGS

What's keeping him?

Max!

Oh, Digby, what are you whispering for?

Ah, caught you. You are here to pincha my pizza!

Digby,

-'are you listening to me?'

-No, I'm not.

Digby, what's got into you?

-Yummm!

-And who is this?

An alien.

An alien's got into you?

It is a man in a ridiculous costume.

'Yeah, yeah, whatever.'

The thing is, my competition photo...

'I think Paolo may need a little persuading.'

Please don't hurt him.

I didn't plan to. I want you to interview him, be nice to him.

-'You're a thief!'

-Who is that shouting?

You realise you cannot win the prize,

so instead you come here to pinch my pizzas.

Pass him over.

'Now, look here, you,'

I'm trying to have a conversation.

So can you just put a sock in it for a minute?

Do you know to who you are talking?

I am Paolo of Planet Paolo Pizza Parlour.

-Oh, do you know who I am?

-'No.'

-Good.

Yummm!

You, and you are not coming out

-of here until you pay for all these pizzas.

-Yummm!

And you...

You are disqualified from the competition.

-BLENDER WHIRRS

-No! My camera. My photo!

Whoa, a vegetable alien.

I bet you're from Alpha Centauri.

Do you speak English?

HACKER WHINES

May I take your picture?

Oh, let me just turn you a bit.

Oh, you're not from another planet.

You're from next door. I'm going back to find the real alien.

Oh, Hacker, the biggest story of my life, gone.

It doesn't get any worse than this.

VOICE FROM SPACESHIP: Earthlings, you have captured one of our race.

You have ten minutes to return your captive

or say goodbye to the Earth.

Wrong again.

Hacker,

this is a moment of destiny.

The whole future of the human race, every one, every thing,

rests on our shoulders.

This is our time.

And do you know how that makes me feel?

Frightened! Ah!

HE CRIES

Ah, I need more staff! >

Mama mia!

Oh!

-IN ITALIAN ACCENT:

-I don't-a suppose you're looking for any new chefs-a?

Yes! Oh, thank the lucky stars.

All my prize pizzas have been eaten.

I have to make fresh.

-Are you familiar with pizzas?

-Very.

Have you been making pizzas a long time?

Oh, as long as I've been wearing this chef's hat.

Perfecto! You can make the bases.

No ploblemas. Where's the packeto?

Packets? No packets, my friend.

All fresh dough. All you have to do is spin it on your finger.

Yes, of cours-a!

Earth, you only have three minutes left.

SQUELCH, CLATTERING

You idiot. What do you think you're doing?

Sorry, escuse, it was not-a me-a, it was him-a.

What is that? What is that?

It is a rat in a hat!

I'll splat that rat.

Carl Pringle!

HACKER WHIMPERS

Ah!

You no come in my kitchen! I'll get you. Come here!

I'll show you! You don't go near my pizza!

-Mr Dungworth.

-Digworth.

Look, never mind the photo,

we've got to get him out of here or his people will destroy the planet.

-VOICE FROM SPACESHIP:

-Earthlings, 30 seconds.

Oh...

You!

No, no, you don't understand.

He's a real alien, we've got to get him out.

Oh, yes? Oh, yes, or what?

-10, 9, 8, 7...

-A flying saucer will bombard us with lasers?

-6, 5, 4...

-I think you'll have to do better than that.

3, 2, 1...

Zero.

Time's up, Earthlings.

Ah! It's no good, we can't get him through the door.

It's all those pizzas, you've put on too much weight.

All right, you only put on a little bit of weight.

THUMPING

We're doomed.

HE BURPS

Say that again?

We're doomed!

No, the other bit.

HE BURPS

That's it, Paolo.

Pass me that bottle of lemonade.

THUMPING

Yum!

Urrh! Come on, Carl!

BUBBLING

Stand back, everyone!

Whoah-oah-oah!

ALL: Ahhh!

HACKER COUGHS

Thank you, Earthlings. Thank you, Digby Dungworth.

Digworth! If only I had my camera,

the scoop of the century at my fingertips.

Your phone!

Yes!

Hey, you. What I want to know is...

who is going to pay for the hole in my roof?

HE TAKES PICTURE

Ah, hot off the press, Simon.

Another award-winning front page, no doubt.

"Reporter wrecks roof"...

Photo competition cancelled?

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