The Big Cat Scoop


The Big Cat

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Transcript


LineFromTo

# Time is running out

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# There's stories to be found

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# What's it all about?

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# Got to go and check around

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# If there's a rumour going round

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# Don't you forget it

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# Whenever something's going down

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# Got to get that scoop

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# Got to get that scoop

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# Got to get that scoop

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# Got to get that S-C-O-O-P. #

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Ah! Hacker. I've got a good feeling about today.

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Today I'm going to get a front-page scoop. I can just feel it.

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Right, you get this morning's edition of the Pilbury Post up on the laptop,

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while I work some culinary magic.

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-Huh?

-A fry-up.

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Ah!

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# Jitterbug

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# Jitterbug

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# Jitterbug

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# Jitterbug

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# You put the boom boom into my heart

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# You send my soul sky high when your loving starts

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# Jitterbug into my brain Goes a bang bang bang

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-# Till my feet do the same. #

-Digby!

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# If something's bugging you If something ain't right

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# My best friend told me what you did last night

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# Left me sleeping in my bed

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# I was dreaming but I should have been with you instead

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# Wake me up before you go-go

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# Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo

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# Wake me up before you go-go

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# I don't want to miss it when you hit that high

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# Wake me up before you go-go

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# Take me dancing tonight

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# I wanna hit that high... #

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Eh, I were listening to that!

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-Let's see how my last story ended up, shall we?

-Stop that!

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Here we are. "Reporter wrecks antique haven"?

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I am not bumbling

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and I would not describe myself as a bull in a china shop.

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It was an antiques store and that statue wasn't worth anything.

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Remember how the store owner described it?

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-Yeah - priceless.

-Exactly.

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I don't know what all the fuss was about really.

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It's the full works for me and you this morning, old chum.

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Delicious toast, browned to perfection,

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mouth-watering bacon slices and, the piste of resistance,

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fried eggs, sunny side... up.

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-HE GASPS

-Where are the eggs?

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There are no eggs!

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No! No, this can't be happening.

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I'm still asleep and it's all some terrible dream.

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Pinch me, Hacker.

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Ahhh!

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All right, it's not a dream. It's a nightmare.

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What are we going to do? You can't have bacon without eggs.

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It's like watching afternoon telly without a big bag of crisps.

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It's like bath time without rubber ducky.

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It's like a birthday party without...

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-A trowel?

-A trowel? Yes.

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What? No! Not a trowel - a cake.

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It's like a birthday party without a cake.

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Cake.

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Ah!

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I wonder if we've got any cake.

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Ow! Stop going on about cake, Hacker. I don't want cake.

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I want eggs to go with my bacon

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and no half-empty fridge is going to stop me.

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Come on, Hacker. We're going shopping.

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Three, two, one...

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But I am going to put some trousers on first.

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Yeah.

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-They haven't got any eggs either. Can you believe it?

-Yeah.

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It's a jewellery shop.

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That's not the point. We've tried all the food shops. There are no eggs anywhere.

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Farmer Sykes didn't make his usual deliveries this morning.

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Something must have happened.

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Maybe he fell down a well.

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Or maybe his tractor was held up by bandits on his way into town

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or maybe his farm was invaded by aliens

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-or maybe...

-He overslept.

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Wouldn't surprise me.

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Chasing aliens all night would wear anybody out.

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Come on, Hacker. Let's go and see Max.

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-This is a scoop and he's going to love it.

-Yeah.

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-I hate it!

-What did I tell you?

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-What?

-What do our readers care about missing eggs?

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Where's the mystery? Where's the intrigue?

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You want mystery and intrigue? Farmer Sykes might have fallen down a well.

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Or been held up by bandits or kidnapped by aliens.

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-Or overslept.

-Or overslept.

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Do you really think that's possible?

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Hey. Eggs-tremely.

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Eggs-actly.

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That's egg-cellent.

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Stop it! Stop it! You're giving me a haddock!

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-That was about fish.

-What do you want it to be about?

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Eggs, Digworth. I want it to be about eggs.

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Right you are, Chief. One story about eggs coming right up. Come on, Hacker.

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No, I...

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Oh!

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-So you never fell down a well?

-No.

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-No bandits?

-No.

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-I don't suppose there were any aliens, were there?

-Any what?

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HE WHISPERS

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-Did you oversleep?

-Certainly not. I get up at 5 o'clock every morning.

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Wow. There's a 5 o'clock in the morning too?

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-Then why didn't you deliver any eggs?

-Because I don't have any.

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See for yourself!

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Oh...

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They're not laying. Haven't done for days.

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-Not laying because they're scared.

-Scared? Scared of what?

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The big cat.

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The big cat?!

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-SQUAWKING

-Shh!

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The big cat?

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A giant wild cat has been roaming the grounds for weeks,

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as big as a panther and ten times as vicious.

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No way will my girls lay while that thing's prowling about.

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A giant wild cat here in Pilbury. This is a front-page scoop for sure.

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So, er, if me and Hacker catch this cat of yours,

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does that mean you'll be delivering eggs in time for breakfast?

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If you catch the cat, I'll do more than that.

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I'll give you free eggs for life.

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Free eggs...

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for life!

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Oh!

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HE SQUAWKS

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Come on, Hacker, you're a dog. You can't be afraid of a little cat.

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I'm not. I'm afraid of a big one.

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Calm down. You've got nothing to worry about.

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-No?

-No. You're with me.

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-Right, I'm off.

-Oi! Will you relax, all right?

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-I've got a plan.

-Bye.

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-Rrrrah!

-This is an outdoor survival guide.

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Everything we need is in here.

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Making traps, living off the wild

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and most important of all, how to make a hide.

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-A what?

-Hide.

-OK.

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-No!

-Rrrah!

-I said "a hide".

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If we make one of these, we can camp out in full camouflage

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and wait for the cat to turn up.

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-Come on, give me a hand.

-Uh-oh.

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Ah! This is the life, eh, Hacker? Roughing it in the wild.

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You now, I've always seen myself as a bit of an outdoors man,

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camping out under the stars, living off the land,

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at one with nature.

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Most people couldn't hack this. Nah.

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They wouldn't last five minutes in the wilderness.

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But not me. You see, I know that nature is to be respected

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and not feared.

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HE CHUCKLES

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-Is that a centipede?

-What? Where?

-On your back.

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Where? Get it off! Get it off!

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-Has it gone?

-Yeah.

-Oh, I don't like centipedes.

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My mother used to say, "Never trust anything with more than 23 legs."

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She was a strange woman, my mother.

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Yeah.

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This is harder than I thought, Hacker.

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-If only we had a five-foot wooden beam.

-Yeah.

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-Found one.

-Where did you get that?

-Propped up against the coop.

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-Wasn't it supporting the wall?

-Of course it wasn't!

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Do you think I wouldn't notice if a beam was supporting a wall?

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Do I look like the sort of person who'd go round removing wall-supporting beams?

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CREAKING

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SQUAWKING

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Hacker, that beam was supporting a wall. I told you not to touch it.

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-What?

-You...!

-Oh!

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You lost 'em. You lost my chickens.

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Not all of them.

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Fix the coop, get back my chickens and catch the cat

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or you can forget all about your free eggs.

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Oh!

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Well, that's hardly fair, is it? Talk about moving the goalposts.

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Come on, Hacker, let's get cracking. You round up the chickens,

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-I'll build the hide.

-Yeah.

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HE SIGHS

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Come on. HE SQUAWKS

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Chicken! Come on. I've got a little bug for you here.

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Get back in the coop.

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Well done. Thanks, Hilda.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Get your beaks washed! Roll up, roll up! Free beak wash today.

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Come on, Mildred. Get in there.

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We can buff your beak nice and shiny. That's right.

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Up you go.

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Yay! It worked. Mwah!

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I knew it would.

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I was only kidding, Doreen.

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Sage and onion does the trick every time.

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Good job, Digby.

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Ow!

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Arrgghh!

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HE SOBS

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-You got them back!

-Yeah.

-All of them?

-I think so.

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We'd better count them to make sure.

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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

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-How many did you count?

-Ten.

-So did I!

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That makes...

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-20.

-Yes. That's twice as many as we started with.

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Good job, Hacker.

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Here - and I managed to finish the hide.

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It wasn't even hard. Easy.

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I mean, obviously it's not the same as in the picture

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but I still say that's a good job.

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Yeah. Not bad.

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I'm sure there's something missing, though.

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Oh, well. I'm sure we'll figure it out later.

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But for now, let's get settled in.

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Ah.

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No door.

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What a plum.

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Right, all this work and country air has made me tired.

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I think I'll take a little nap.

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Probably best if we keep watch in shifts, Hacker.

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-You take the first six hours, I'll take the last one.

-Right.

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-Hang on. What?

-And whatever you do, don't fall a...

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HE SNORES

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Huh! Fall asleep indeed. As if I'd fall asleep.

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HE YAWNS

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RUSTLING

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What? Stop that trifle, it's getting away!

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No! What? What is it, Hacker?

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The big cat!

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The big cat?

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GROWLING

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LOUD GROWLING

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Whaaa!

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Ooh!

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-MOBILE RINGS

-Aarrrgghh!

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-Hello?

-Digworth, I'm holding in my hand a large egg baguette.

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-That's nice.

-It would be, if there were any eggs in it.

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This egg shortage is a disaster for Pilbury.

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I'm so glad I decided to assign you to it.

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Very clever idea of mine, that was. So how's it going?

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Actually, sir, I've found a bigger story.

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-ROARING

-Waaah!

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-A much bigger story.

-What are you talking about?

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-What bigger story?

-A big cat.

-GROWLING

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A cat? That's no good. How's that going to help my lunch situation?

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Eh? I can't put a cat inside a baguette.

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No, it's too hairy.

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Stick to the egg story and forget about the cat.

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The egg story is purr-fect.

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I've got a good feline about it.

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So don't argue with meow.

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GROWLING

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No, Hacker. Right, boss, I've got to go. I'm egg-tremely busy.

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-That was about eggs.

-What do you want it to be about?

-Cats.

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I want it to be about cats.

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-Right you are, Chief. One story about cats coming up.

-Eh, Dig...

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Oh!

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I think it's gone.

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-Go and have a look.

-You go and have a look.

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OK, we'll both have a look.

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-On three.

-Right.

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One...

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Two...

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Three.

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-You didn't look.

-Neither did you.

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-Come on.

-Oh...

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MEWING

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It's a little kitten. Well, that can't be the big cat.

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That can't be what's been scaring all those birds.

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I mean, what are they - a bunch of chickens?

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Yeah.

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-Oh, yeah, they are, aren't they?

-Mm.

-But there must be some mistake.

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-It's going in the coop.

-Right, that's it.

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There's no way that bundle of fluff has been the cause of all these problems.

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You stay here. I'm going to get it out before the real beast turns up.

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Here, kitty, kitty.

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Good kitty!

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Come to Uncle Digby.

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ROARING AND SCREAMING

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Get off me! Get off me!

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Get it!

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Help me! Hacker! Help me!

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Help me, Hacker! Help me! Hacker!

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That is one angry kitten.

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HE SNEEZES

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And it's brought on my allergy.

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-Hacker...

-What?

-Go get 'em.

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Uh-uh.

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Hacker... mate...

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You're a dog. Dogs chase cats.

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It's the natural order of things. Everybody knows it.

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I know it, you know it and even that kitten knows it.

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Hacker, you have absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

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You can do it, Hacker. I believe in you.

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Huh!

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Here, kitty, kitty.

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Nice kitty.

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Nice kitty, nice kitty. ROARING

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Get off me! Oh, no! Oh, Digby!

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Digby, he's got me! Oh!

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Get off! Get off me!

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Oh!

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This could be trickier than we thought.

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Purr-fecto.

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Now, all we have to do is wait for our fluffy friend to come along and set off the trap

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and then we net ourselves the beast, the scoop

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and a lifetime's supply of free eggs.

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What can go wrong? Now, to bait the trap.

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This should do it.

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Everybody knows kittens can't resist chasing chocolate.

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-Or is it mice?

-Mice.

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-What, mice can't resist chasing chocolate?

-No!

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Kittens can't resist chasing mice.

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It's not surprising if they're carrying chocolate.

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Nothing can resist chocolate.

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Lovely, sticky, sweet-smelling...

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Ow!

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All right. Thank you, Hacker.

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HE SPITS

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There. Now. It's time to play the waiting game.

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Back to the hide, Hacker, and I think it's your turn to keep watch.

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Yeah, but I...

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HE MUTTERS

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THEY SNORE

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ROARING

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What? Careful, it's got a sofa!

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What? Hacker? What's going on?

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-The little big cat.

-The little big cat?!

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Right! That's it.

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-No, no, no!

-Yes, Hacker, I've had enough.

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As scary as that kitten might be,

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it's nothing compared to how scary the idea of wasting a bar of chocolate is.

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Lovely...

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sticky...

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sweet-smelling...

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Ow!

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-OK, thanks, mate.

-All right.

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And remember, if I don't make it back in one piece,

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I want you to ensure

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the Pilbury Post gives me a suitable front-page tribute.

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"Ace reporter..."

0:19:050:19:07

"Gets beaten up by a kitten"?

0:19:070:19:10

-Something to that effect, yes.

-Yeah.

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Right.

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GROWLING

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Digby...

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GROWLING

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-Arrrggh!

-Oh, Digby!

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Arrgh! Help!

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Help! Hacker!

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Help! Hacker!

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-Where's the chocolate?

-Forget the chocolate. Look!

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-HE ROARS

-Now we've got him.

0:20:040:20:06

Right, here's the plan. I'll trap him in this, you distract him.

0:20:100:20:15

-How?

-Think of something.

0:20:150:20:18

Oh...

0:20:180:20:20

OK, kitty, you'll like this.

0:20:230:20:25

-Hit it!

-MUSIC: UP-BEAT CIRCUS TUNE

0:20:250:20:28

-Got him!

-Well done, Digby.

0:20:500:20:53

GROWLING

0:20:530:20:54

CREAKING AND STRAINING

0:20:590:21:01

-Was that my tummy?

-Maybe. You haven't eaten today.

0:21:010:21:04

CREAKING

0:21:040:21:06

Aarrgghh!

0:21:060:21:07

Digby!

0:21:080:21:10

-Achoo!

-CAT GROWLS

0:21:120:21:15

My coop, my coop! What have you done?

0:21:150:21:17

Good news. I'm pretty certain that cat won't be coming back in a hurry.

0:21:180:21:23

Never mind the cat. What have you done to my coop?

0:21:230:21:26

I'm ruined. You've ruined me.

0:21:260:21:30

They'll never lay now. You've scared the stuffing out of them.

0:21:300:21:33

Well, actually, a bit more than the stuffing.

0:21:330:21:36

-What's he talking about?

-I don't know.

0:21:370:21:40

-Eggs!

-As they say - all's well that ends well.

0:21:410:21:45

You destroyed my coop and you've traumatised my poor girls for life.

0:21:500:21:55

What do you have to say for yourself?

0:21:550:21:57

-We haven't had any breakfast yet.

-No.

0:21:580:22:01

I don't suppose you could rustle up an omelette?

0:22:010:22:03

An omelette? Digworth...

0:22:030:22:06

You...

0:22:060:22:07

Now, let's have a look. Another award-winning front page, no doubt.

0:22:100:22:15

"Fat fool flattens farm"?

0:22:160:22:19

"No more eggs for Pilbury"?

0:22:190:22:21

Digby Digworth!

0:22:210:22:25

I wonder whatever happened to that little kitten, Hacker?

0:22:250:22:28

Achoo!

0:22:280:22:29

ROARING

0:22:290:22:31

PURRING

0:22:330:22:35

HE ROARS

0:22:370:22:39

Aarrggghhh!

0:22:410:22:44

# S-C-O-O-P! #

0:22:590:23:01

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:23:010:23:03

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0:23:030:23:04

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