Restaurant Reservation Scoop

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-Laugh if you wish, Hacker.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

And a one, two, three, four...

Ooh! I'm bushed.

I'll say one thing, this keep-fit

does give you an appetite.

Ah, my all-time favourite start to the day. After exercise, of course.

-SHOUTS:

-THAT'S MINE!

-All right, sorry! Have you opened up today's paper?

-Yeah.

"Fierce flu attacks Pilbury."

-Well, there's only one way to avoid catching that.

-What's that?

We stay indoors until it's over,

we don't go outside for anyone or anything.

-Deal?

-Deal?

PHONE RINGS

-Hello, Max? It's Max. We're on our way.

-You said we shouldn't go out!

Argh...

BLOWS NOSE

-Hello, Max.

-Ah, Digby. I think I'm coming down with this flu bug.

Don't worry, I won't let it interfere

with my usual sunny disposition.

Now then, I've got an assignment for you.

BLOWS NOSE

-So, what is this special assignment, Max?

-I want you to deliver this.

-Deliver a paper?

-The usual man's got flu.

-No, I'm sorry, sir.

We won't do it.

-Ha!

-Oh, well.

I suppose I could deliver it to the Skinny Mallard myself.

Get something to eat, maybe. Might be good for my cold.

Wait, did you say Skinny Mallard?

-Lester Lukenal's restaurant.

-Who?

-Pilbury's top chef.

-That's the man.

-I'll go! Please let me go.

I've also fancied myself as a top-flight restaurant critic...

MAX CHORTLES

You do cheer my up sometimes, Digby. Not often...

-But listen, you can deliver the paper if you really want to...

-Yeah.

..on one condition.

You forget all this restaurant critic nonsense.

Yes, Max.

The Skinny Mallard restaurant.

We'll remember this in years to come, Hacker.

-This is where I started my new career as a food critic.

-But Max said...

Don't worry, Hacker. I've got it all worked out.

I'll sweet-talk Lester into letting me sample his food

and then I'll write a review, and when Max sees that -

-Digby Digworth, food critic!

-Tell me that again.

I'll food-talk Max into letting me sample his sweet.

Lester will right a review...

and when you see that... it's happy days.

What could go wrong?

Genius(!)

Ohhh.

You as well?

Flu?!

Ohh. No, of course I understand,

but at this rate, I won't have any staff working today.

And today of all days.

They're coming to judge... the Pudding of the Year competition.

Can anything else go wrong?

-Hello!

-Hiya!

Shop!

Ooh!

Hm-hm-hm!

Duck!

No, no.

HACKER LAUGHS Hacker!

-Hello! Anybody home?

-Just a minute.

-Coo-ee... Oh!

-Argh!

-Mr Lukenal!

What do you think you are doing?

Are you some sort of idiot or just plain stupid?

-Tough choice.

-Let me help you up.

Ohhhh!

Will you get out of my kitchen, please!

No, no. You don't understand. I'm here to...

I don't care who you are.

I am expecting a very important visit...

You're not here for the pudding?

I'm here for whatever's on the menu. Digby D Digworth is ready to tuck in!

I'm so sorry. I didn't realise.

It is my pleasure to welcome you to my kitchen.

-Ooh! I must say, it all looks very scientific in here.

-Ah!

Careful. Liquid nitrogen.

I can use that to freeze any of my ingredients to minus 210, you know.

Hmm.

Agh!

Oooh...

Yeah, that's certainly very... very cold.

And over here is my radiation exchange oven.

This can reach temperatures of over 400 degrees.

I'll take your word for that.

But...I sidetrack.

That is not why you have come here today, is it?

HE GROANS

Here it is.

My entry for the Pudding of the Year competition.

Prepare yourself for the Colossus of Pilbury!

DIGBY GASPS

It's a giant gingerbread man!

LESTER CHUCKLES

Just smell the sweetness of the spices...

HE SNIFFS

-Hmm...

-A subtle blend of the juiciest ginger

with some of my secret ingredients.

Hmm-mm!

This, Mr Digworth, is the most sumptuous epicural delight

-ever created!

-Hmm-mm-mm!

And I can't wait for you to taste it.

-Neither can I.

-But...

not yet.

-Ah!

-If you take a seat next door,

I shall prepare the Colossus in all his perfection.

PHONE RINGS

I do hope that is not another one of my staff ringing in sick.

Ohhh!

That is gorgeous!

What do you think of this, Hacker?

It's a big gingerbread man.

Ah, yes, but...

it's a subtle blend of...

things.

-Really(?)

-Hmm.

This is why I am destined to live my life as a food critic.

This pudding is perfection...

although I do think this eye is a little lopsided,

and I'm sure Lester wouldn't want that.

PLOP!

-Oh, no.

-It's not perfect now.

-I'm supposed to be making my name

as a restaurant reviewer, not a dessert destroyer.

What am I going to do?

-What am I going to do?!

-Fix the pudding.

That is totally stupid!

That's a good idea, actually. Yeah.

Yes, the Pudding of the Year competition,

and your judge will be arriving... when?

Are you quite sure about that?

Yes, that's VERY interesting.

Ahhh. That was a close call.

-<

-Mr Digworth!

Lester will never know.

SPLAT!

Oh, budgies!

-Ohhhh!

-Oh.

Mr...Digworth.

You are not a judge for the Pudding of the Year competition.

Would you mind telling me

what you are doing in MY kitchen?

-Yes. Well, firstly, to deliver this...

-Hiya!

Ya-a-agh!

What is that?

-It's a newspaper.

-Yeah.

-Not that,

the hairy monstrosity attached to it!

That is not a hairy monstrosity. That is my aide and assistant.

It's a health hazard.

Out! Out!

PHONE RINGS

I want both of you gone when I get back.

Ohh...

Maybe Lester won't notice the head's missing.

-Oh, yes, he will.

-Ohh.

-But even if he does, he wouldn't tell Max.

-Yes, he will.

-Max would understand, though?

-Oh, no, he won't.

Ohhh.

Don't tell me - you've got the flu as well(!)

No, no. That's quite all right.

I can run the whole place on my own(!)

-Um...

-You again?

-Yeah!

-Time for the police.

-No, I'll only be a minute.

I've come to make a small confession.

Yes, yes. You're not a judge, you're a...delivery man.

-Well, actually, I'm a reporter.

-A reporter, eh?

Really? A reporter?

-With the Pilbury Post.

-Mr Digworth, I suppose I was a little offhand

to you earlier, being stressed with my staff falling ill

and presenting the Colossus for the competition.

Ah! About the Colossus...

My finest achievement. The only one of its kind.

You should be around for the judging, hmm?

Ooh! Thank you. I have always been interested in food.

-HE GULPS

-You're a f-f-food critic?

Well, hopefully.

Mr Digworth, allow me to prepare the greatest meal

that you have ever tasted.

-Ohh.

-You won't write anything bad, will you?

No! But first, let me tell you about...

All on the house, of course.

Really? Lead the way!

BOTH CHUCKLE

Just take a seat. Not literally, of course!

BOTH LAUGH

Ah!

That one!

I'll get you a menu.

He-he. Psst!

-Hacker!

-What did he say?

Ah!

You didn't tell him, did you?

No. B-B-But only because I've got a better plan.

I'll stay here and have a light lunch and keep Lester distracted,

while you pop the head back on.

I've got an even better plan. I'll have lunch out here

and you can sort out the ginger fellow.

But, Hacker, I have to eat the food myself

if I'm going to write about it for Max!

My first review.

But when I'm famous we'll have slap-up meals all the time.

-Promise?

-Of course. Hurry up he'll be back soon

and remember the head's in a bag on the shelf.

I'll keep him out the kitchen till you're done. Go!

I do a bit of cooking myself, you know, Lester.

Really? Fascinating.

Not up to your standard but then I do have to work for a living.

The menu.

-ALARM BELL RINGS

-Ahh!

HE SIGHS

Well, I'm torn.

Let me help you decide.

It's a toss up between the soup and the prawns,

herrings, the pate and the omelette. Then there's lamb, chicken,

oh, the trout sounds nice. The pork... Oh, lobster,

then of course there's the noodles.

OK, I'll leave you to choose and I'll go and finish the Colossus.

-What, in the kitchen?

-Yes.

No wait, I've chosen.

And what would sir like?

Um, I would like the...

prawns...

and then the trout.

Excellent choice.

Where you going?

To the kitchen to get your trout.

I've gone off trout.

Ooh!

NERVOUSLY: Umm...

I would like the lobster. Where's that from?

The Scottish Isles.

Says here the lobster's fresh.

Is that fresher than the trout?

Mr Digwood!

Allow me to choose something for you.

No, wait!

Uh-oh!

Oh, Hacker...

Calm, Lester. Calm.

Phew! Now...

Ooh!

Chilled tomato and wild fennel soup.

Enjoy.

Smells delicious.

It's an epi...dural delight.

Indeed.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must go and attend to my Colossus.

No, wait!

Where does this dish come from?

It's a lovely dish.

It's from a shop in Pilbury.

Anything else?

No.

Yes!

Um...

GULP

HE PANTS

TOWER SHAKES

HE PANTS

Ooh.

-POTS AND PANS CLATTER

-What was that?

I didn't hear anything.

Ahhh!

It sounds like someone messing in my kitchen. Where is your dog?

He's house-trained he wouldn't be messing in your kitchen.

Don't worry, Hacker, I won't let you down!

He won't get his hands on you.

Although that does smell rather good...

And I do have a review to write.

So just a... Just a quick taste...

I know you're in here.

Come out with your paws up.

Right...

I'll get you, you...

That was really good.

Now, where was I?

Hacker!

LAUGHS MENACINGLY

PHONE RINGS

He-he-he! Phew!

Oh no, I've got myself stuck!

Hello?

Hello?

Hacker? Hacker, where are you?

Over 'ere.

Skinny Mallard restaurant?

-What are you doing there?

-I'm stuck!

Anyone there?

-Yes, I'm stuck.

-Yeah.

-You're stuck? Stuck where?

In traffic.

Don't you worry, I'll have you out here in a jiffy.

-One big tug should do it.

-Not the ears!

All right, I'm sorry.

It's a very bad connection.

THEY STRAIN

CRASH!

Hello?

Let's get that gingerbread man fixed so I can get back to my meal.

Here, you'll like this. Ready?

The soup was delicious.

A tangy sensation, of fruit and veg,

it was cooked really good. I like soup.

-Nice work, Hacker.

-Yeah, not bad.

What are you doing in my kitchen?

Um... I came to tell you how nice your soup was. Listen to this.

It was a tangy sensation, of fruit and veg...

-And your dog!

-He doesn't like veg, he's more of a meat guy.

-Yeah.

Out!

Well?!

Move it!

BELL RINGS

No, wait. If that's the judge she can't see you. Don't touch anything.

Anything!

BOTH: Ooooooh!

I'm still worried about this eye though. Just a little...

Oh, Digby!

-Oh! Double budgies!

-Oh, Hacker,

when Lester sees this I'll be banned from every restaurant in Pilbury.

If not the world!

No. We can do this.

There's still time. We can fix it, we're not beaten yet!

Yes we are.

Never say never, Hacker.

-I know you can do it.

-Me?

Yeah, you've got little paws, better for fiddly little work.

Oh, yeah!

Ah, Mrs Avery,

this is such an honour.

Please, follow me.

How's it going?

It's right foot's missing.

-Really?

-Yeah, I don't know where it could have gone.

-Must be on the floor somewhere.

-Yeah, it must be.

Take a seat.

I'll be back with you in a moment.

Hacker,

you're a star!

Well, it's the best I can do.

Stay in here, be quiet and I'll have a word with your editor later.

Come on!

I think we got away with that, Hacker. Do you think they'll notice?

Nah.

I give you, the Colossus of Pilbury.

Nooooo!

I think they noticed.

Yeah.

My baby!

My creation!

Don't upset yourself, Lester, it is only gingerbread.

Hey, smile!

Nice day for it.

Ahhh!

-Was it something I said?

-I don't suppose there's any chance

of my main course, is there? I still have a review to write!

Ahhhh!

Let's have a look. Another award-winning front page no doubt.

What a pudding?

"Pilbury's premier restaurant wrecked by local reporter.

"Lester Lukenal blames The Post!"

DIGBY DIGWOOD!

Digby, this way!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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