Brian Brain Scream Street

# He was a kid who didn't fit in

# Got a wolf living inside under his skin

# When he's angry his body sprouts hair

# So he got a ticket You'll never guess where

# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

# Next door's a vampire, maybe not

# 4,000 years old but her body won't rot

# Yeah, being a freak is totally normal

# When everyone's freaky paranormal

# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

# Scream Street, Scream Street. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, listen to me. What did one eye say to the other eye?

-You've got a nerve.

-LAUGHTER

I know, I know. Here's one. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it saw me. I mean, you would, wouldn't you?

HE LAUGHS

That's a first, I've never seen anyone actually

-laugh their head off before.

-LAUGHTER

I've never seen Otto laugh before.

Now, listen to me, simmer down, you lot, simmer down.

Oh, I'D give you a piece of my mind, but it's all I've got left.

DOOR SWINGS OPEN

What time do YOU call this? Time to buy a brain?

-Sorry, I got the start time wrong.

-What's your name, son?

-It's Luke.

-Puke? OK, Puke.

-LAUGHTER

Now, listen to me.

You want to see my brain, look in the jar.

You want to see Puke's brain, use a microscope.

LAUGHTER Hey, guys!

Whatever.

Now, listen to me, a zombie walks into a shop...

Any chance of a refund?

No, didn't think so.

Now, listen to me...

COCKEREL CROWS

Dixon, what did I say about turning into a cockerel in the morning?

COCKEREL CROWS

-Sorry.

-Oh, my gold mayor chain!

I've been robbed!

Hey, dude, turn that frown upside down. Huh!

HE LAUGHS

Someone burgled my chain! I won't stand for it.

Yeah, nobody steals stuff around here, apart from Otto.

Not that Otto has ever stolen anything.

-OTTO GROWLS

-Oops.

-Was it you, vampire?

-What?

-I hope you've got an alibi.

LUKE GASPS

What's he up to?

Whoa, it looks like someone turned the world upside down. Hulla-culla.

-Huh? Now, where did he go?

-Bandits! I've been robbed!

Someone's taken my priceless collection of toenail clippings.

Doesn't seem likely.

I keep them in a solid gold box.

Hm.

Oh, hey, it's the giggle twins.

-Yeah, thanks for that, by the way.

-Yeah, sorry.

The funny thing about Brian is even when he wasn't being funny,

-he seemed really funny.

-Whatever.

I'm pretty sure the guy's a thief.

Well, there's stuff missing and I saw him creeping around.

-That's not exactly proof.

-But we don't blame you for not liking him.

I mean, he was pretty harsh on you, Puke.

It's not about that, I saw Brian acting suspiciously.

Me too! He was snooping around my ornamental garden.

There, see? Brian is the thief, and I'll prove it.

-RESUS GASPS

-Er...

-HE LAUGHS

-Awesome sauce.

Oh!

-BRIAN'S VOICE:

-Wow, what just happened?

This isn't my body, this isn't my voice, man!

Whoa, far out!

Oh, that's better, lost me voice for a second.

What do you call a zombie with no voice?

-An improvement.

-Good one.

I know, I've got loads.

MOANING

-I've been robbed!

-Huh, what's happening?

-We've just been robbed!

And we want a word with Brian Brain.

I told them all what you saw, Luke. We'll get him.

Hang on, if you were just robbed, then it can't have been Brian,

because I was watching him the whole time,

-he didn't go anywhere near our house.

-There he is, get him!

Now, listen to me... Ahh!

-Got him!

-Lock him up.

But he didn't do it, he can't have done.

I'll have him thrown into the underland,

just as soon as he's told me where me chain is.

But it wasn't him, I'll prove it.

Dixon, follow him. He can't be trusted.

Besides, he may find my chain

and I wouldn't mind some of the other stolen stuff either.

Huh?

Eurgh!

Now, listen to me, my guard's got no nose.

How does he smell?

Terrible. Probably, I wouldn't know, I haven't got a nose either.

Tough crowd.

KNOCK ON DOOR Huh?

-Luke, what's up?

-It's Brian, they've locked him up for the thefts,

but I know he didn't do it.

This is the same Brian you were accusing just an hour ago?

Yeah, I might have been wrong about that.

Wow, there's a first time for everything.

Come on, we need to prove he's not the thief.

Oh, no, it looks like Resus's house has been robbed too.

Huh?

Eurgh!

There's loads missing. One person couldn't have taken everything.

Maybe if they took a few trips, but then someone would have seen them.

Get off!

DOG BARKS

LUKE SNIFFS

There's a weird, disgusting smell. It's coming from over there.

-Oh!

-Getting closer.

Resus, you're the thief?

Of course he's not the thief. He wouldn't burgle his own house.

We'll let Otto be the judge of that. No Name!

-I knew I was being followed.

-What's going on?

-Ahh!

-Don't worry, Resus, we'll track down the real thief.

We'd better, he could get thrown into the underlands with Brian.

Do you have to stare like that?

Well, no, I could stare at you like this...

Oh, that's... No.

There's that same horrible stink,

lots of trails coming from different directions.

-From all the different robberies, maybe?

-They all lead that way.

-Eugh, toxic!

-Oi! Keep off my beautiful garden.

Oh, this is most definitely where the bad smell is coming from,

-it stinks.

-Exactly, so it's the perfect hiding place.

Stop, you're ruining it!

I'm sorry, but there's been a miscarriage of justice.

-Ah-ha! Check this out.

-Otto's chain! And it glows in the dark.

All the stolen stuff is under there

and I think I know how to find the real thief.

Eugh, you really stink and I've got a bandage over my nose.

Why should I help you? I already have both the thieves.

Because you have the wrong people and it's the right thing to do.

-Hm.

-OK, because I know where your chain is.

I'm all ears, wolf boy.

I need you to gather everyone here at Sneer Hall.

-Don't worry, I can prove that you are innocent.

-Really? Interesting.

OK, everyone, I've brought you here to unmask the thief.

Ooh, the entertainment in Scream Street has really improved.

-First comedy, now drama.

-Ssh!

The stolen goods were hidden underneath Mr Crudley's toxic dump.

HE CLEARS THROAT I mean, beautiful garden.

And whoever put it there will be covered in beautiful gunk

which glows in the dark,

so Cleo, lights, please, and let's reveal the thief.

COLLECTIVE GASP

Um...Cleo.

-I always knew you were a bad apple.

-How dare you?

-Austin, how could you?

-How could I?!

-I didn't do anything.

Stop, everyone. Listen to me.

-Now, listen to me. Back off!

-EVERYONE GOES QUIET

-Huh?!

-Er, I mean, now, listen to me, carry on as you were.

ARGUMENTS CONTINUE

You hypnotised them! You ARE the thief!

You hypnotised people during your show!

Oh, you'd have got me too if I hadn't left.

That's right, Puke, they robbed themselves,

they'll do whatever I tell them to.

Now, listen to me -

attack Luke!

Oh, no. No, I don't want to hurt you.

LOW GROWLING

Now, listen to me, flatten him!

No, no, listen to me, leave me alone!

They'll only listen to my voice, son.

Of course!

What are you doing? No, no, no! Stop!

-BRIAN'S VOICE:

-Now listen to me, stop attacking Luke.

Now listen to me, snap out of it!

-GASPING

-What happened?

-You're sitting on my head, that's what's happened.

-Sorry.

Now listen to me, don't let Brian get away.

-Ha-ha! Now who's laughing?

-LOW GROWLING

For crimes against the people of Scream Street

and against comedy - I've heard some of your jokes -

you are banished to the underland.

On the count of three.

One... Huh!

I love doing that. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

And the voice box, Luke.

Yeah, but maybe one last go.

Now listen to me, Otto, bang your head on the tree.

-Ow! Ow! Ow!

-Do you mind?!

Quit it! Enough!

I think I'm going to miss this.

THEY LAUGH