Brian Brain Scream Street


Brian Brain

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# He was a kid who didn't fit in

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# Got a wolf living inside under his skin

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# When he's angry his body sprouts hair

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# So he got a ticket You'll never guess where

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# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

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# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

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# Next door's a vampire, maybe not

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# 4,000 years old but her body won't rot

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# Yeah, being a freak is totally normal

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# When everyone's freaky paranormal

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# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

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# Scream, scream, scream when you get to Scream Street

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# Scream Street, Scream Street. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Now, listen to me. What did one eye say to the other eye?

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-You've got a nerve.

-LAUGHTER

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I know, I know. Here's one. Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Because it saw me. I mean, you would, wouldn't you?

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HE LAUGHS

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That's a first, I've never seen anyone actually

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-laugh their head off before.

-LAUGHTER

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I've never seen Otto laugh before.

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Now, listen to me, simmer down, you lot, simmer down.

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Oh, I'D give you a piece of my mind, but it's all I've got left.

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DOOR SWINGS OPEN

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What time do YOU call this? Time to buy a brain?

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-Sorry, I got the start time wrong.

-What's your name, son?

-It's Luke.

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-Puke? OK, Puke.

-LAUGHTER

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Now, listen to me.

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You want to see my brain, look in the jar.

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You want to see Puke's brain, use a microscope.

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LAUGHTER Hey, guys!

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Whatever.

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Now, listen to me, a zombie walks into a shop...

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Any chance of a refund?

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No, didn't think so.

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Now, listen to me...

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COCKEREL CROWS

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Dixon, what did I say about turning into a cockerel in the morning?

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COCKEREL CROWS

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-Sorry.

-Oh, my gold mayor chain!

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I've been robbed!

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Hey, dude, turn that frown upside down. Huh!

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HE LAUGHS

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Someone burgled my chain! I won't stand for it.

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Yeah, nobody steals stuff around here, apart from Otto.

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Not that Otto has ever stolen anything.

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-OTTO GROWLS

-Oops.

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-Was it you, vampire?

-What?

-I hope you've got an alibi.

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LUKE GASPS

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What's he up to?

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Whoa, it looks like someone turned the world upside down. Hulla-culla.

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-Huh? Now, where did he go?

-Bandits! I've been robbed!

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Someone's taken my priceless collection of toenail clippings.

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Doesn't seem likely.

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I keep them in a solid gold box.

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Hm.

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Oh, hey, it's the giggle twins.

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-Yeah, thanks for that, by the way.

-Yeah, sorry.

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The funny thing about Brian is even when he wasn't being funny,

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-he seemed really funny.

-Whatever.

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I'm pretty sure the guy's a thief.

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Well, there's stuff missing and I saw him creeping around.

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-That's not exactly proof.

-But we don't blame you for not liking him.

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I mean, he was pretty harsh on you, Puke.

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It's not about that, I saw Brian acting suspiciously.

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Me too! He was snooping around my ornamental garden.

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There, see? Brian is the thief, and I'll prove it.

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-RESUS GASPS

-Er...

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-HE LAUGHS

-Awesome sauce.

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Oh!

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-BRIAN'S VOICE:

-Wow, what just happened?

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This isn't my body, this isn't my voice, man!

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Whoa, far out!

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Oh, that's better, lost me voice for a second.

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What do you call a zombie with no voice?

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-An improvement.

-Good one.

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I know, I've got loads.

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MOANING

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-I've been robbed!

-Huh, what's happening?

-We've just been robbed!

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And we want a word with Brian Brain.

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I told them all what you saw, Luke. We'll get him.

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Hang on, if you were just robbed, then it can't have been Brian,

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because I was watching him the whole time,

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-he didn't go anywhere near our house.

-There he is, get him!

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Now, listen to me... Ahh!

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-Got him!

-Lock him up.

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But he didn't do it, he can't have done.

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I'll have him thrown into the underland,

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just as soon as he's told me where me chain is.

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But it wasn't him, I'll prove it.

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Dixon, follow him. He can't be trusted.

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Besides, he may find my chain

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and I wouldn't mind some of the other stolen stuff either.

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Huh?

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Eurgh!

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Now, listen to me, my guard's got no nose.

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How does he smell?

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Terrible. Probably, I wouldn't know, I haven't got a nose either.

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Tough crowd.

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KNOCK ON DOOR Huh?

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-Luke, what's up?

-It's Brian, they've locked him up for the thefts,

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but I know he didn't do it.

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This is the same Brian you were accusing just an hour ago?

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Yeah, I might have been wrong about that.

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Wow, there's a first time for everything.

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Come on, we need to prove he's not the thief.

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Oh, no, it looks like Resus's house has been robbed too.

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Huh?

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Eurgh!

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There's loads missing. One person couldn't have taken everything.

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Maybe if they took a few trips, but then someone would have seen them.

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Get off!

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DOG BARKS

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LUKE SNIFFS

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There's a weird, disgusting smell. It's coming from over there.

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-Oh!

-Getting closer.

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Resus, you're the thief?

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Of course he's not the thief. He wouldn't burgle his own house.

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We'll let Otto be the judge of that. No Name!

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-I knew I was being followed.

-What's going on?

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-Ahh!

-Don't worry, Resus, we'll track down the real thief.

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We'd better, he could get thrown into the underlands with Brian.

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Do you have to stare like that?

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Well, no, I could stare at you like this...

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Oh, that's... No.

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There's that same horrible stink,

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lots of trails coming from different directions.

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-From all the different robberies, maybe?

-They all lead that way.

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-Eugh, toxic!

-Oi! Keep off my beautiful garden.

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Oh, this is most definitely where the bad smell is coming from,

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-it stinks.

-Exactly, so it's the perfect hiding place.

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Stop, you're ruining it!

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I'm sorry, but there's been a miscarriage of justice.

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-Ah-ha! Check this out.

-Otto's chain! And it glows in the dark.

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All the stolen stuff is under there

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and I think I know how to find the real thief.

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Eugh, you really stink and I've got a bandage over my nose.

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Why should I help you? I already have both the thieves.

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Because you have the wrong people and it's the right thing to do.

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-Hm.

-OK, because I know where your chain is.

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I'm all ears, wolf boy.

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I need you to gather everyone here at Sneer Hall.

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-Don't worry, I can prove that you are innocent.

-Really? Interesting.

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OK, everyone, I've brought you here to unmask the thief.

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Ooh, the entertainment in Scream Street has really improved.

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-First comedy, now drama.

-Ssh!

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The stolen goods were hidden underneath Mr Crudley's toxic dump.

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HE CLEARS THROAT I mean, beautiful garden.

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And whoever put it there will be covered in beautiful gunk

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which glows in the dark,

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so Cleo, lights, please, and let's reveal the thief.

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COLLECTIVE GASP

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Um...Cleo.

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-I always knew you were a bad apple.

-How dare you?

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-Austin, how could you?

-How could I?!

-I didn't do anything.

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Stop, everyone. Listen to me.

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-Now, listen to me. Back off!

-EVERYONE GOES QUIET

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-Huh?!

-Er, I mean, now, listen to me, carry on as you were.

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ARGUMENTS CONTINUE

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You hypnotised them! You ARE the thief!

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You hypnotised people during your show!

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Oh, you'd have got me too if I hadn't left.

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That's right, Puke, they robbed themselves,

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they'll do whatever I tell them to.

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Now, listen to me -

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attack Luke!

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Oh, no. No, I don't want to hurt you.

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LOW GROWLING

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Now, listen to me, flatten him!

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No, no, listen to me, leave me alone!

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They'll only listen to my voice, son.

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Of course!

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What are you doing? No, no, no! Stop!

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-BRIAN'S VOICE:

-Now listen to me, stop attacking Luke.

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Now listen to me, snap out of it!

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-GASPING

-What happened?

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-You're sitting on my head, that's what's happened.

-Sorry.

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Now listen to me, don't let Brian get away.

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-Ha-ha! Now who's laughing?

-LOW GROWLING

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For crimes against the people of Scream Street

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and against comedy - I've heard some of your jokes -

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you are banished to the underland.

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On the count of three.

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One... Huh!

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I love doing that. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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And the voice box, Luke.

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Yeah, but maybe one last go.

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Now listen to me, Otto, bang your head on the tree.

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-Ow! Ow! Ow!

-Do you mind?!

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Quit it! Enough!

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I think I'm going to miss this.

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THEY LAUGH

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