Just One of the Boys Secret Life of Boys

Augh!

LAUGHTER

RUNNING FOOTSTEPS

Agh!

Matt, why are you chasing Chris?

Get back here!

Coming through!

Sorry!

No, boys, don't stop to help(!)

Do I detect a damsel in distress?

My hero!

-Bob, no!

-What's that, hon?

Oh. I see.

SAUCEPAN CLANGS

Family meeting!

All right, listen up, you lot!

Your cousin Ginger is on her way from Australia

and I don't want her tarnished by the likes of you.

BOYS ROAR

I am declaring Mum Law until further notice.

BOYS ARGUE AND SHOUT Mum Law!

Any and all infractions

will be handled with swift and unfair justice.

Oh, I like this.

Robbie, Ethan,

that means the little war between the two of you is on hold.

-Oh, Mum, we're your little angels.

-Try again.

All right - ceasefire.

And Matt, your little training sessions with Chris - done for now.

But, Mum - I'm getting so many medals!

Matt, is Chris doing all of your chores?

Not all the medals are chores. There are loads of fun ones.

Loads.

Tell everybody about the super fun Matty medals you've got.

Well, there was bike-trampolining...

Hey, I told you to get off that!

Cushion kickboxing...

Cushion kickboxing is fun. We just fight until we're too tired to move.

The cushions are squishy.

Up next, scooter jousting.

Boom!

But seriously, boys, Ginger's been through enough.

It's not that long since her mum passed, so...

..be nice and make me proud.

Or else.

-OK?

-Yeah.

I'm on my way to pick her up.

UNCLE BOB SIGHS

So, gentlemen -

you now have a little bit of time before she gets back.

So, I suggest you get it out of your system.

-Woo!

-Yeah!

Mum Law! Mum Law!

Mum Law, Mum Law!

-Out of your system?

-For now.

I'm nervous enough as it is.

I can't believe they left my bags in Australia.

Utterly ridiculous. We'll get it all sorted tomorrow.

Come and meet the boys.

DOORBELL RINGS

Come in, come in!

Boys! Look who's here for the summer!

Boys?

This is Chris...

Ug! Ug!

Ug!

..and Robbie and Matt and...

Ethan! Get out here!

- Hi, Ginger.

- Are you OK?

I'm sorry! I don't usually... Butterflies...

Well, that was weird.

I like her.

Dad, I totally messed up my first impression.

I chucked my lunch all over one of them.

Is there a way to get a re-do?

Is there such a thing as a second first impression?

What was I doing?

I'm totes embarrassed.

I can't believe I have Ginger's vomit on me.

And now, you have mustard! SPLOOT

I liked this shirt!

I wonder if she's an Australian demon?

Well, you'd better not make any sudden moves around her.

She's probably just tired.

-- Cousin Ginger is hilarious.

-Yeah, that's the spirit.

Oh, and by the way, which one of you lot

turned me into Mr Pasta Head - huh?

None of you? No?

I know who put pasta on Dad.

I was spying, so I could get my Matty medal.

-CAMERA CLICKS

-Shh. It was Robbie.

Nice one, mate. Well done.

I got my Matty medal!

-Right. Then you all get it!

-SPLOOT

-MATT WHIMPERS

-Ahh! Cold!

Don't tell Mum! Come here!

SPLOOT DAD CHUCKLES

I had one chance to make a good first impression,

and I puked on Matt.

Don't worry, Ginger.

Trust me, those boys have done far worse to each other.

In no time, it'll all be forgotten.

Now, that was a long trip.

You hungry?

Very. My lunch is on Matt's shirt.

-Aunt Cor?

-Yeah?

-Do the boys know about Dad?

I didn't think it was my place to tell them.

When you're ready, yeah?

-Thanks.

-Come on.

Matt, sorry about earlier.

No worries, but on this side of the world,

-we just shake hands when we meet.

-Nice one, Matt!

Boof!

Really, Ethan! She's not a monster.

- You're the one who said not to make any sudden movements.

I was joking. It was a joke. Please, sit.

Oh, sorry. Was this for everyone?

HOWLING WIND BLOWS THROUGH

LAUGHTER

Aren't you hilarious?

Oh, we forgot to make the salad.

I'm going to need my salad hands.

-Come on, Chris - we're up.

-Salad hands!

Be right back. Best behaviour, boys.

Shall we?

-BOYS:

-Rock, paper, scissors!

Rock! I win!

-BOYS:

-Rock, paper, scissors!

-Paper beats rock!

BOYS LAUGH

All of you, to your rooms, right now! What have I said about wasting food?

-Me, Mum?

-No, no, not you, Chrissy.

You carry on sprinkling those croutons on the salad.

Mum Law has claimed its first three victims.

-That's not fair, we just wanted to...

-You can't do that!

Er, which room is mine?

Oh, not you, Ginger.

We are going to have some supper, then we'll find you a room.

All right, Ginger.

Take a look at the rooms,

and whichever one you like shall be yours.

This is Mount Chrissy-top!

You're going to love this.

Look, The River of Truth.

You have to tell the truth in it!

Ginger is my favourite!

And the Cave of Darkness...

I can't see anything!

My room is closest to the kitchen.

The bed is super-soft,

and of course, I've got a bed-ramp!

Love my room. It's the best, cos I am.

And I'm never hungry.

And I have a load of mirrors. Not cos I'm vain, cos...

OK, I'm a little vain...

..but never hungry.

CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY

I feel bad. Maybe I can sleep on the couch?

-We're all cool with it. Just pick. Right, guys?

-BOYS:

-Yeah.

OK, if I have to choose...

-There's nothing to worry about.

-Pick mine! Look what I can do!

-- We can split the money.

-Ethan!

-Money?

- Mum's giving me 15 quid. Take it. Take it now!

Dad offered me 40. Even 20 apiece, eh, Ging?

Bob! 40?

Hey, I bargained vigilantly!

And to be honest, I never expected you to find out.

And that makes it better?

ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER

All right, all right!

I think Ginger's had enough of this.

Ginger, take my room. I'll bunk with Chris,

- and that way, you won't be eaten by one of Ethan's snakes.

-Are you sure?

-- Definitely.

-Thank you.

-Come on then, boys.

OK, that was pretty fun.

I'm out 15 quid because of her.

You never wanted her in there anyway. But me? I'm out 40!

Hi.

Hey.

Good talk(!)

KNOCKS AT DOOR

Hi. Brought you some of Robbie's old clothes to sleep in.

Thanks.

Looks like the ones you're wearing are ready to come to life.

"Help me, please! I need a wash!"

So, how do you feel about your first day?

It was weird.

I think the boys are avoiding me.

They don't avoid anyone.

They bump into me at least 20 times a day.

I don't blame them. I puked on Matt.

Yeah, but... It's...

I think I'll turn in.

Right. Well, it's been a long day.

Goodnight.

AUSSIE ACCENT: Don't let the 'roos bite!

GINGER SOBS

Bob, family meeting.

-Oh, it's late, hon...

-Family meeting.

I suppose a quick one wouldn't hurt.

Ethan!

Three guesses where Ethan is.

The night time is just the best time to hunt for bugs.

And truthfully, from time to time,

I'll test them, to see if they're OK.

ETHAN RETCHES

Not very bright, I'll admit.

But now I know - they taste horrible.

Where is everyone?

Sleeping.

And why were you up?

No reason.

OK... Matt, Ginger thinks that you and your brothers are ignoring her,

which is preposterous.

So, as of tomorrow, I'm giving you back your wings.

Tell your brothers that Mum Law is revoked.

No. Not now, tomorrow.

Off to bed.

Morning, Ginger!

-Get back here!

-What are you doing?

Shh...

ROBBIE GRUNTS

ETHAN LAUGHS

I know how I'm going to fit in. I'm going to make a booby trap!

Making my first booby trap today.

Cool, huh? The boys will love it.

They'll put me on their shoulders, saying, "Ginger, you're the best!"

Now, I've just got to figure out how to make one.

Morning. I think Aunt Corey's in the kitchen.

Actually, I was looking for you.

Really?! Yes!

MUSIC: Can't Forget The Breaks by Chuck D Beat Crew

Freeze frame!

-Uncle Bob?

-Almost done.

Sorry, I'm just really pleased that you're settling in.

What did you want? A shelf moved?

No, it's just...

(..about booby traps.)

Right. I'll call work, tell them I'm going to be late.

I know you two insist on taking each other down,

but must you mess up the entire house?

I'll be taking baths in feathers for weeks!

Now, which one of you is responsible? Hmm?

A delicious biscuit for the first person to talk.

We fight all the time, but even we have rules.

We never tell.

Like the time that I flooded Mum and Dad's bathroom?

Or the time I put their wedding ring in a balloon and it floated away?

Or the time when I "accidentally" poisoned Dad?

All right, it's not a competition!

Or the time that I blew up the cellar.

-BOTH SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER:

-Or the time...

Since no-one wants to talk, I'll speak up.

If another booby trap goes off, I will personally release the Kraken.

AUNTY COREY ROARS

Understood?

Mum Law will be back with a vengeance.

Ha! Ginger, you are good!

I can't believe this took most of the day.

How do the boys have time to do anything else?

Now...to hide and wait.

Here comes a booby.

Wait, no! No, no, no!

Whoa! Ginger's gone mad.

Ugh...

At least it worked.

Chris?! Chris?

Are you OK?

Ginger, what happened?

It's OK. It was my fault.

Boys, get in here, now!

What did we just talk about?

I don't know which one of you is responsible and I don't care.

Ginger, go and get cleaned up. You shouldn't have to see this.

No, they didn't do this. I set the trap.

Ginger, my sweet little thing, don't let them fool you.

-Off you go.

-No, you don't understand! I was just trying to...

There's an unusual amount of fire in your eyes right now, Mum.

Oh, is there?!

THUNDERCLAP

EXPLOSIONS ROAR CHAINSAWS BUZZ

Don't be scared, Chris. It's just Mum's sound effects CD.

She must be really upset.

I gave you boys an inch, and you took a mile, didn't you?

-It wasn't us, Mum!

-Fine, don't admit it.

Mum Law is back...

forever!

THUNDERCLAP

Even after you leave this house,

get married and have children of your own, they will be under Mum Law.

It's all Ginger's fault!

She's been trouble ever since she got here.

All I wanted was for them to like me, and now they just hate me.

Nah.

Of course!

Don't worry, Ginger. I'm getting to the bottom of this.

When you get to the bottom of this, Aunt Corey,

you're just going to find me.

Whoa.

Ginger, I know these boys aren't the best influences,

but I'm going to have to ask you to drop the tomato sauce.

OMINOUS DIDGERIDOO PLAYS

-PHONE BEEPS FX OFF

-Sorry!

Sauce-ta la Vista, baby.

SPLOOT AUNT COREY GASPS

I'm starting to like her.

I'm sorry, Aunt Corey, but you're not listening.

That was my booby trap.

I was just trying to fit in with everybody.

I thought it would make them laugh.

Well, that was funny!

-It was good. For your first prank, that was pretty good.

-What's funny?

-UNCLE BOB LAUGHS

-That is hilarious!

Is that the trap you were working on, Ginger? Brilliant!

And by brilliant, I mean, that is really naughty.

Ginger, it seems I owe you an apology.

I'm sorry. I was so worried about creating a good first impression

that things went a little off the rails.

I know exactly how you feel.

SQUISH LAUGHTER

KIDS CHATTER

-KNOCKS AT DOOR

-Ginger?

Ginger, your suitcase has arrived!

CHEERING

No more boy's clothes! No offence, Robbie.

- None taken.

Yes! The most important thing is here.

Are they rainbow cakes?

Your Mum and I used to make these all the time when we were kids.

They're my favourite. Anyone want one?

-- Yes, please.

-Can I have one?

-I'll take two. They smell nice.

-Yes!

Can I ask a favour?

Any chance I can have a redo on yesterday?

- What happened yesterday?

Everyone, this is Ginger.

-EVERYONE:

-Hi, Ginger!

-Hi!

I just want to thank you for opening your home

and your hearts to me this summer.

I don't have much family back in Sydney,

and getting a chance to meet you is...well, everything.

See? Much better than chucking up on somebody.

Boof!

PHONE VIBRATES

Well, this has been fun, but I have to go.

Me too.

What did I do this time?

Don't worry. They're just off to their secret hideout.

Probably to talk about you!