I Wish Secret Life of Boys

THUDDING

The children, they're coming.

At least this summer, we're ready for their pranks.

Oh, yeah. We've got it covered!

THUDDING

DISTANT LAUGHTER

CREAKING

DOORBELL RINGS

(Where are they?)

(I think it's a trap.)

What's going on?

SHE SCREAMS

I think we need some new family traditions.

VIDEO CALL: 'Hey, Ginger. Haven't heard from you in ages.

'Not long now till I'm out of jail and we'll be back to normal.

'I can't wait to lay eyes on you.'

'So if you have some time, I'd love to hear from you.

'Miss you.'

Hey, Dad. I got your message and I'm super sorry.

It's no excuse. School's crazy,

then I had to help the boys prank Aunt Corey and Uncle Bob.

They do that every summer.

Isn't that awesome?

Summer's a huge deal in this house, and something big

is going to happen today.

I'm not quite sure what yet but, I'm telling you,

the house is buzzing.

I'm super excited.

Wow!

I've come a long way since I showed up last year

and spewed all over Matt.

Now I'm part of the gang

and this summer will be epic.

The summer of Ginger!

And I'll make sure to send you plenty of messages.

MOBILE BUZZES

Starting later. Rebel Alliance meeting.

Oi!

Oh! Whoa!

Oh!

Urgh!

Where's Chris? Didn't he call us here?

I have a bunch of stuff to do today.

Like what?

Like noneya. Noneya business!

-I'm here, what's up?

-Welcome to my meeting!

-Meeting. I've been expecting you.

-HE RETCHES

-Muffins?

-I should be mad at you for wasting our time,

but that was impressive.

No time to be impressed,

the summer fairy is coming tonight and I don't know what to ask for.

What's the summer fairy?

She comes at the beginning of every summer holiday

and grants our wishes.

Yeah. We all love it. Ah!

I'm too excited!

Worst meeting ever.

-Oh, I wonder what I'm going to wish for.

-So daft.

Mum's the summer fairy.

Obviously I was...

And he's gone.

And where are you off to?

To my noneya office, so I can do some noneya-business.

-So, Robbie...

-Sorry, Ginger.

Too busy living life on the edge.

The summer of Ginger.

GROANING

Settle. The summer fairy is on her way. Ooh!

My wish is in. How about the rest of you lot?

Matt, got your wish?

Er, nah. Skipping that this summer, thanks.

# Skipping that, skipping that This summer, yo, Matt

# Skipping that summer fairy Skipping that

# All day, yeah What we doin'?

# Hey, yo, Chris We're skipping that, skipping that

# Skipping that, skipping that Gold chain with the shades

# Skipping that this summer, uh

# What we doin'? Skipping that. #

THEY GASP

HE LAUGHS

Just kidding. I'll, er... I'll be right back.

Here's my wish. No, wait!

I've changed my mind. I'm getting my other wish.

Oh. Here's mine.

Hope the summer fairy grants it.

You know, because she's real.

Your eyes OK, Ginger?

Oh, yeah, yeah, they're fine.

I just think it's so adorable that Chris actually thinks

the summer fairy's real.

She's not real?!

HE SCREAMS

SQUEAK!

Interesting exit.

Aunt Corey, I promise I'll fix it.

He doesn't believe in the summer fairy any more.

Sorry, I just... I need some air.

Excuse me. Sorry.

First you throw up on Matt, now this.

That was a year ago.

You just stomped all over his dreams like an ugly ogre.

That's what you are, the summer ogre.

I'm not the summer ogre!

Oh, come on!

Bob!

Really?!

Ginger, leave this village and never come back.

You monstrous ogre.

Dad, sorry I rushed off earlier.

Things aren't good.

Chris is upset and so is Aunt Corey

and I'm the summer ogre.

I'll explain later. But if I'm going to fix this,

I need to grant Chris's wish.

He wants a unicorn.

I'm going to need to think of a new plan.

Got to go.

Dad, I need your help! I found a...

Dad, can you help me build a super ramp?

Ah, both my boys need my help.

I feel like the prettiest girl at the party!

When you say things like that, you sound pathetic.

Really? So...

-..what was your project?

-It's a thing.

-What does it matter?

-So my choices are a super ramp

or a mystery project.

Hey, I tell you what, if you both help me with the path,

I will help you with whatever you want.

Deal. Seal the oath with a shake?

Mine's better.

I'm not doing much. Just figuring out uni.

Oh, wicked! These are brilliant, thanks.

Pretty sure I'll get into all my choices.

Just need to decide if I'm staying local

or going to a uni further away.

Hey, Mum. What's...? What's up?

Nothing. Just walking around.

Looking at my children.

DOOR CLOSES

Yeah, sorry. That was Mum.

Did you hear her?

No, I haven't told her.

I haven't told anybody, actually.

Dad, if I'm your favourite, you'll help me first.

Hate to break it to you, Ethan, but I'm his favourite by a mile.

-No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.

-Am not!

-Am too!

-Arghhhh!

-Ah!

Boys, I love you both equally.

Oh, come on, Dad. The game's up. I'm your favourite.

-Tell him the truth.

-Truth?

-What truth?!

-We haven't got a secret, Ethan, I promise you.

Dad, you've spared his feelings too long.

Ethan, I'm his favourite,

because he gave me something that's most precious to him.

His name.

I'm Robert Hughes Junior.

So what? That doesn't mean anything,

it just means you were born before me!

Boys! I love you both equally.

Yeah, but you're going to have to pick one of us first.

-So who is it?

-Look, maybe there's an easier way

to decide who goes first.

What about a feat to test your strength and your wit?

Come on, follow me.

Chris! The window's locked and I need to talk to you.

Chris!

Ah! Whoa!

Boys, welcome to the Great British Rake Off!

Now, whoever can rake their path the fastest, no stones or twigs...

Stop it. You're just trying to make us help with your stupid path.

No.

Well, yeah, all right, fine.

New plan. I haven't got a coin.

But we can flip this spade.

So, call it, Robbie.

How comes he gets to call it?

Because he's older.

Now, Robbie, will it land digger- or handle-end first?

-Digger end.

-Right, here we go.

OK, bad idea.

Run!

-Chris?

-I'm in my wardrobe.

Don't you mean your cave of darkness?

It's just a wardrobe now.

Chris, come on out. We have to talk.

I was just joking about the summer fairy.

She's not real. I can't find her in my book of fairies.

You can't believe this book!

You mean none of the fairies are real?

No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying.

You have to leave, Ginger.

-I'm changing.

-Yeah, I know, and it's all my fault.

No, I'm changing my clothes.

Can I have a bit of privacy?

Oh. Yeah, yeah.

I'll just...

Super ramp, see you soon.

Not fair. Robert Junior always gets his way!

Oh, you know that's not true.

Why did he get to call it?

Because he's older.

I hate it! I get all of his and Matt's old clothes.

They get everything and I get the scraps.

Oh, Ethan, mate. Come here.

Listen.

Robbie won't mind, will he?

He will. You can't fall for that, I won the spade toss.

Robbie, sometimes as the older brother...

No, no, no. Don't give me all that older-brother stuff.

I'll build it by myself.

No, you won't.

BEEP

Just locked my tools away.

Be patient! Come on, you.

I just talked to Chris.

He was hiding in his wardrobe.

His cave of darkness.

He doesn't call it that any more.

That's it. He's never going to believe in anything ever again.

He's growing up too fast.

Well, he's still your little Chrissy.

Afternoon.

-Er, Chris. Why are you wearing that?

-Well, because I'm a grown-up now

and it's not Chris any more,

it's Christopher.

Maybe he's growing up a little.

That's coffee, Chrissy.

It's Christopher, Corey.

Sorry. Christopher, I don't think you want to drink the...

Urgh! Bleurgh! Yuck! Needs sugar.

Mm! That hit the spot.

CLATTERING

I was fine, thanks.

I'm going to work. Hold my calls.

Hold his calls?

He'll be moving in with his new wife by Tuesday.

DOOR SLAMS

I have an idea. I've got to go find the summer fairy.

COMPUTER RINGS

Sorry to call again. I just felt like talking.

You got time?

Great.

Mum! Don't you knock?

Just looking for some fabric. Still got that orange cape,

the one from that big play fight with your friends?

It wasn't a play fight, it's called larping.

Live-action role-play.

It's very serious.

Ten-point strike, warlord vanquished.

That's why I love you.

You won't grow up and run away and leave me, will you?

Of course I won't run away, Mum.

In fact, my first choice for uni's local,

so hopefully I'll be staying here.

-Um, Matt...

-Yeah, whatever it is, yeah.

All right. So, what's this big secret

and why do I need these things?

I need help to catch that.

Is that...?

-Is that a bat?

-Meet...

-..Batasha!

-Great name.

But we cannot keep that bat in here.

-We have to release it.

-No, you promised!

It's going to help me turn.

Turn? What do you mean, turn?

Ethan, are you trying to become a vampire again?

Batasha, arise!

I'm ready. Take me!

No!

See? Told you you don't need tools to build your super ramp.

Andy Stevens is going to wish he never challenged me.

Who's Andy Stevens?

My school nemesis.

He thinks I'm a poser. Too chicken to jump my own ramp.

Which is why I have to do it.

Can you film me?

Oh, mate, can I do it a little later?

I have to call someone back. Listen, if Mum comes by looking for a hug,

tell her I went that way, yeah?

Batasha, come back!

Robbie, you ruin everything!

Wait, was that a bat? Are you trying to become a vampire again?

Ethan, you are not allowed to become a vampire.

That is the last time I want to have this conversation,

-do you understand?

-Yes.

-Good.

Right, Robbie, let's go build that super ramp.

It's built. I need you to film me riding it.

Hang on. How did you get hold of my tools?

I didn't. Matt helped me.

Wait, you built a super ramp with no tools

and the help of the worst builder in the house?

It's majestic.

That's actually pretty cool.

Cool?

Are you serious? He can't go on that thing, it's a death-trap.

-Exactly.

-What do you mean?

It's perfectly safe.

Robbie, no!

In your face, Andy Stevens.

Robbie, no!

Dad!

Are you trying to kill yourself?

We used, like, seven rolls of tape. It's perfectly safe.

Look, how would you feel

if I was doing something stupid and dangerous?

I'd rather like to see that, actually.

Me too. Jump the ramp, Dad.

Quiet, you, Vlad the Impaler.

Well, this is one way not to be the summer ogre.

Be the summer fairy.

You look amazing!

This was a great plan, Ginger.

Totally. Nothing can go wrong.

Probably shouldn't have said that.

Sweetie. Can we talk a minute?

Not now, I'm doing my taxes.

Wow, OK.

About the summer fairy.

She doesn't exist.

-What was that?

-I think that was her.

See, the older kids can't admit that they believe in her,

because their friends don't think she's cool.

# La-la-la-la I'm a fairy!

# Yoo-hoo! Summer fairy. #

Summer fairy!

Summer fairy!

I think she went around the house.

Come on.

-BOYS:

-Jump it! Jump it! Jump it! Jump it! Jump it!

You think you want me to jump, but you don't.

-Soon as I lean forward...

-Get rolling, old man!

No. I won't!

Look, I only set foot on this ramp

so that I could prove that you two aren't monsters.

-Well, obviously, I was wrong. Now...

-Bob?

Summer Fairy!

No! Oh!

-IN SLOW-MOTION:

-Bob!

Bob?

Are you OK?

Oh! That was a bumpy ride.

But at least the ramp stayed together.

CREAKING

CRASH!

Oh, no, there it goes.

I'm so sorry, Dad.

I thought your jump was going to be funny,

but that wasn't funny at all.

Yeah, Dad. You were right.

I was scared for you. I feel terrible, I'm so sorry.

Robbie. What happened to our ramp?

We used so much tape.

Whoa, Dad! Are you OK?

Ginger, you got my cape dirty!

Ginger?

Ginger, you lied!

Chris, I'm so sorry. I felt bad about earlier.

Plus, being the summer fairy's way better than being the summer ogre.

Oh, Chris, wait.

This is all my fault.

Mummy made up the summer fairy.

I knew it! You're a liar, too!

Chris, don't be mad at her.

She was just trying to make you happy.

It's true. I love making you smile,

but I realise now that you're growing up, Christopher.

And even though Mummy doesn't like it very much, she has to accept it.

Don't be sad. No matter how big I get, I'll always love you.

Oh!

SHE MOUTHS

-Bat!

-ALL SCREAM

Batasha!

Er, hello?

Dad, I am so sorry.

I got caught up in things here and forgot all about you.

That's been happening a lot lately, hasn't it?

OK, well, get ready for a super-long catch up.

Starting with three months ago.

Did I tell you about that dance competition?

Oh, it was awesome! And we had a supply teacher named Miss Shapen.

That was her actual name!

And they were covered in custard!

And then Chris was like, "I'm Christopher."

So that's why I'm dressed like this.

Yeah. The summer of Ginger.

And I even got to write my name in the new path.

Chris.

If I had one wish after today,

it'll be that I could see you sooner.

Too bad the summer fairy's only a figment of...

Wait, did you see that?

Was it...?

No, no, no, no.

Wait. Was it?