The Call Secret Life of Boys

Hi, Dad. Just a quick update.

Summer's been great so far.

Swimming, skating...

Oh, and I pulverised my cousins at cricket!

I mean, not that it's a competition or anything.

But it is. And I won.

Today's quiet, though.

Uncle Bob's gardening.

The boys are relaxing.

Come on, come on, let's go! Bowl it, bowl it!

LAUGHTER

-Come on! Green means go!

-Chris, no!

Chris is still being grown-up Christopher.

Gumdrop, you've not been pulling your weight round here.

You're fired!

Aunt Corey's baking.

So, not much to report today.

It should be a quiet day, though. Love you, bye!

PHONE RINGS

Can somebody get that?

I'm a bit tied up in here.

That's weird. Why aren't they calling on a mobile?

Maybe it's someone from the past.

That's just stupid.

-Answer it, then.

-You answer it!

THEY GRUNT

Do I have to do everything for you kids?

Get off!

Hello?

Yes, I completely understand.

Ginger, it's your boyfriend!

-BOTH:

-Boyfriend?

Boyfriend?

Boyfriend?

Boyfriend?

Boyfriend?

Hello?

Oh, hey!

Yeah.

OK.

Yes, sounds good.

-Bye, Heath. ALL:

-Heath?

He's just a boy from school.

He's not my boyfriend.

Why does he think he can call you at all hours of the afternoon?

Why didn't he video-call you?

What's wrong with his face?

Pigeons find life partners.

Bonobos mate with everything.

Clownfish you can only find during a full moon. Which one is Heath?

-You're all being so weird.

-We're not being weird.

What's weird is Billy No Face calling you.

Why did this lad suddenly come a courting?

I have a question for all of you.

What's so wrong with a boy calling me?

Well, a boy's never called before.

We haven't established protocol.

Yeah. And who decided it was time for boys to be calling for you?

Or girls for us? That's not something we do.

# That's not...

-# That's not...

-# That's not...

-ALL:

-# Something we do!

# Something we do. #

You're all being so ridiculous.

My friends can call me, even if they're boys.

And I can even call them.

Oh, there's a phone in my hand!

Scary.

Oh, what about this?

Hello!

Yeah, it's me again.

Do you want to come over today?

Oh, great! See you then.

Ha! You're not the boss of me.

I just invited a boy over.

THEY GASP

I just invited a boy over!

Penny, I wasn't thinking, and I invited Heath over because...

He's your boyfriend! Congratulations!

Now, let's talk wedding colours.

No! I called you over because I'm not sure

what I'm going to do with him when he gets here.

We're just friends. I think.

Hmm. Interesting. Lucky for you, I brought my girl emergency kit.

Wow, that's a lot of stuff.

And glitter. And heart-shaped thingies.

It's just...!

Here it is! Make That Boy Your Boyfriend, by Penny.

That's me!

"Chapter One. Follow him around.

"One day, he'll feel comfortable when you're near him.

"And uncomfortable when you're not. Chapter Two..."

I don't want a boyfriend.

He's just a friend.

He's a boy. He's a friend boy.

He'll be more than a friend boy soon,

because today we launch Operation Get Heath.

Today, we launch Operation Get Heath.

Why are we doing this, again?

If a girl called for Matt, would we chase her away?

No. Boys can't call here to see our cousin.

She's Ginger, our cousin.

Well, getting rid of him doesn't really make sense.

Yet it completely seems like the right thing to do.

Exactly. He needs to know that he's not welcome here.

Now, man-up!

How's the baking going, Mum?

Aunt Carol made amazing biscuits,

but her recipe calls for 50g of a secret ingredient

and I am determined to find out what it is.

It's none of these.

Did you really think the secret ingredient was...

-curry powder?

-I'm getting desperate.

I'm just trying anything I can find lying around.

My whole family loves Aunt Carol's biscuits.

But she refuses to tell me the secret ingredient.

'I'm a better cook than you. You'll never find out my secret.'

Well, I will not sleep until I find out what it is.

Do you hear me, Carol?

And now I can't find the sugar. I bought extra bags to experiment.

Sweetie, do we have any more lemon-in-your-eye ointment?

-No reason.

-Erm, what is that?

This? Oh, this is perfect lemonade.

And you know the secret ingredient? Lots of sugar!

-Uh-oh.

-Uh-oh?

Uh-oh.

Bob, that sugar was meant for the biscuits.

You'll have to go next door and borrow some.

I've got lemon eye!

# I've got

# Lemon

# Eye-ay-ay-ay! #

-I can go for you.

-Or I can go.

I could use a brisk walk to keep down my cholesterol.

Oh, I'm not sure.

I think that is a great idea.

You go and get the sugar and bring it back for the biscuits.

Splendid!

Chris, do you know how to get to the Chapmans' house?

Of course, they're right over there.

Righto, I'll return soon.

Oh, Bob, he's too young.

What if he gets scared? Or lost.

He got lost once walking to the toilet.

Don't worry. Matt, you're on safety patrol.

Incognito. OK?

I'm on it.

For honeymooning, Morocco is divine.

But Bali can be a nice change of pace.

Penny, slow down.

You're making me nervous.

It's not even a date.

Ginger, don't be naive.

This is a date! And dates are amazing.

Fine dining, deep conversations.

-Opera!

-No, this is too confusing.

I'm calling Heath and telling him not to come.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Come in!

WINGS FLAPPING AND GRUNTING

Ginger, your boyfriend's here!

Heath! Hey.

Heard a ruckus. You OK?

Met your cousins. They seem nice.

HE GRUNTS You saw that trap and missed it?

-Good eye, mate.

-Are you saying I've got a good eye,

or are you saying, "G'day, mate?

-In the Australian way.

-Well, they both work, you choose.

Let me know which one you pick when you go home.

Thanks for coming, nice to see you, bye!

But I only just got...

-here.

-Whoo!

Look who I found outside!

Oh!

You two are going to have so much fun together.

Enjoy some fine dining or some opera!

Ah! Love spell.

WEDDING MUSIC

She needs to leave now.

-Have fun on your d...

-Day!

She wants us to have fun on our day.

She's weird. Bye, Penny.

BIRDS CAW

FOOTSTEPS

So, you're here, which is great.

We have the whole day to...

You know what I'd really like to do?

Not fine dining or opera, I hope!

Yeah.

Skateboard.

Yes, that's perfect!

Ever so kind of you to lend us some sugar, Mrs Chapman.

Is it this way? No, it's that way.

Halt, bush. I've got to get home.

ARCADE GAME BEEPING

I've secretly watched over my brothers for years.

The trick is finding the right disguise.

Blending in.

Do you think that Chris is all right?

Of course. He's with Matt.

Chris is out on his own for the first time.

Ginger's got a boy over.

It's all a bit much!

They're just growing up.

I know. But do they have to do it today?

Whoa!

Yeah!

When Heath hits this ramp at 1,000 degrees,

he'll go one million feet up into the air and never come back.

Not scientifically accurate, but...

-Your turn.

-Is Ginger dating now?

And if so, does that mean...?

-Should we be...? Are you and Penny...?

-Eugh, no! Shh!

Here he comes.

Whoa, where did this come from?

Didn't count on that. He's quite good.

Yeah, better than you.

Surprise ramp. Cool!

-That was fun.

-That was awesome!

Matt should be helping. I'll ring him.

MOBILE RINGS

Guys, I can't talk right now, I'm a bush.

Matt, we need help getting this Heath guy.

He keeps working round our traps.

Did he say he was a bush?

Look, I know I'm not there in battle with you guys,

but I have other orders.

But listen and listen well.

You're good lieutenants. You can outthink and outprank anyone.

You've learned from the best - me.

Use your power, strength and brains.

Go big or go home.

Now, go get him!

I understand.

You're saying we should unlock the Ultimate Destroyer.

No, that's too much power.

Plus, you don't have the final key, so you can't get it.

Thanks, Matt. Great idea.

Ethan, do not...! Urgh!

Uh-oh.

Chris?

Chris?

THEY SING

# Rock, rock, set the sun on fire!

# Fly, fly, take me higher and higher! #

I can't believe no-one at school wants to join our air band.

We rock. We are Air Nightmare.

I thought we were Oxygen Eight.

We voted that down.

-Or was it a tie?

-It's always a tie.

We need more band members.

MOBILE RINGS

Ethan, do not use the Ultimate Destroyer...

Oh, hey.

Sorry. Thought you were Ethan.

What's up? Aren't we talking tonight?

Yeah, no.

Now's not great.

I'll call you later. Love you, bye.

I don't believe that's the way.

But it's not that way either.

This is regrettable.

I think I might be lost!

Where's the first key, again?

Don't you remember the rhyme that we made up to find all the keys?

Key one, so much fun.

-BOTH:

-Check in Stan's terrarium.

-Key two...

-BOTH:

-What to do.

Look in bed, find a shoe.

In the shoe, find a box.

Something something, it unlocks.

-BOTH:

-Three keys, three locks.

Check Matt's desk for a box.

Wait. This is too much power.

Heath likes Ginger.

-Is that so bad?

-It's gone beyond that!

He's invaded our territory and embarrassed us over and over again.

Are you in or are you out?

In. Totally in.

It's not in here! I've been dying to use the Ultimate Destroyer.

It's got to be in here.

Wait, look.

A code!

It does look familiar.

It's not there.

It's not there. You got the code!

Wait, are we sure about this?

Nothing is sure in war, except that you have to win.

Oh, yeah. Beat that.

Ha! Boom.

You know, I was actually nervous for you to come over today,

but if this is what dating is like, I guess it's pretty cool.

Dating?

This is a date?

-I thought you were just my friend girl.

-You did?

Well, that's a relief.

Me too.

Wait, so we're not a date?

OK. I'll be right back.

I'm sorry about the friend girl stuff.

It's all right. I was just confused.

Penny, Aunt Corey...

-I think of you like a friend boy as well.

-Phew! Good.

-I'm so not ready to date.

-Oh. Me too!

But when I am, I hope it's a boy like you.

Same here.

Wait, same here? Are you saying you're...

Think so, yeah.

Awesome!

Well, you've got a friend girl for life, no matter what.

RUMBLING

What's that?

-BOTH:

-Attack!

-Cousins!

-Cousins!

How long can this place hold?

I don't know. The old girl's never seen an attack like this.

We have to strike back somehow.

There's no way he's getting past the Ultimate Destroyer.

He's toast. Sopping-wet toast.

THEY SCREAM

What now? We're getting soaked!

Got it.

You're back!

Oh, I missed you so much, my little guy.

I mean, my big grown-up guy.

But I made it all back.

Yes, you did! I'm so proud of you.

-Oh, what's wrong?

-Well, I also got lost.

Oh. Do you want to know a secret?

Grown-ups sometimes get lost.

And we get scared and we don't know which way to turn.

That's exactly what happened!

Well, what's important is what you do when you're lost.

You keep your wits about you, you believe in yourself

and you find your way.

And that is exactly what you did.

Yeah, so I am a grown-up!

Can grown-ups lick the spoon?

Yes, well, actually that is one of my favourite things

about being a grown-up.

Can't slow down in time!

Ugh!

THEY LAUGH

-My eye!

-Stop.

-I thought we were on the same side?

Well we were, until you started throwing mud in my cousin's eye!

What's wrong with you?

I thought we were friends, that's what's wrong with me.

So, er, Ginger... How was your date?

Look, Ginger. Sorry about earlier.

We shouldn't have messed up your date...

Day, hanging out with Heath.

Yeah, he's actually not that bad.

Which is why we invited him back.

He's a perfect match for you, Ginger.

No net this time? I'm disappointed.

-Mine's better.

-I'm sorry.

Totally my fault. I took it too far.

-Your cousins are pretty cool.

-Yeah, they're all right.

Come on.

This is fresh from tree to jug.

I didn't have any sugar, but...

THEY SPLUTTER

Oh, maybe I needed some!

Mum, these biscuits are so good.

Do you hear that, Carol?

Eat biscuit!

-Yes!

-So, what was the secret ingredient?

Oh, you'll never guess what it was!

It was ginger!

THEY LAUGH

So, we're eating ginger biscuits!

Ginger makes everything better.

Maybe you should save some for your boyfriend.

-Yeah, when you getting married?

-He's not my boyfriend.

And we're not getting married! In fact...

Just pass me the biscuits.

I'm a biscuit!