Holes in the Story Secret Life of Boys

We...are...dead.

Maybe they won't notice.

Have to side with Matt here.

Mum and Dad are going to end us.

DOOR OPENS

And it's happening now.

Hide!

No-o-o-o!

She's in TV heaven now, Dad.

Time to let her go.

GROWLING

Let me grieve.

I'm not sure I need to say this, but family meeting.

So, a few days ago Uncle Bob got a brand-new TV.

Top of the line 55-inch super-duper 4K, Ultra HD LED 3D TV.

And something bad happened,

but none of us are fessing up to Uncle Bob or Aunt Corey about it.

We have a code - tell them nothing.

Well, at least till they threaten us,

then it's everyone for themselves.

She was so young. So many channels that she hadn't seen.

So many features that I'd yet to discover!

Matt, you were in charge.

What happened?

-What happened to what?

-Ah, playing games, huh?

Fine. First one to speak up gets a free pass and a thousand squid.

Robbie, wait.

It's a trick. She's saying squid, not quid.

I once agreed to do something for 20 squid once.

It was the grossest thing ever.

Kids are very eager to make money,

which at times makes them very stupid.

I've been known to get creative with my promises.

'Matt once cleaned out the pantry for a tidy sum.'

A whole lot of dough often works.

Don't listen to your brother.

How about we make it 2,000 squid.

Nice try, but I heard it that time.

Let's divide and conquer.

They're never going to talk in front of each other.

Agreed.

Now, who...

..who, who?

Come on, Robbie. You're first up.

Good cop, bad cop.

Cough it up, Robbie. Spill your guts!

I guess I'm good cop.

Talk to us. We're here to listen.

I really don't know what happened.

If you don't crack, then somebody else will,

and then it'll be too late because you'll be serving life

cleaning the toilet.

If you rat on someone, Filthy Rat has to be in your bed for a week.

Trust me, you learn quick.

Right.

You never heard this from me.

So there I was, minding my own business, watching the telly.

Treating myself to one of my favourite programmes.

I deserved it, I thought, because I'd finished all my homework.

What homework? It's summer.

Um, summer homework, which is more of a reason why I deserved it.

Oh, my, this family friendly show is certainly educational.

-THUNDER CLAPS

-Move!

I want to watch something, and your needs are irrelevant to me.

But, Ethan, you've just watched TV for, like, two hours.

I've just started my turn.

There's an old episode of the Atomic Werewolf Spiders on.

I've only watched it seven times, I want to watch it again.

It sounds like a fantastic show,

but I'd love a chance to see my show about sciencey stuff.

Science is the worst.

So are you, and Mum and Dad!

Ethan, you don't mean that.

I do. I hate everything, especially this TV!

# I hate everything!

# I hate everything!

# I hate everything!

-# Especially this TV!

-#

Well, don't hurt the telly.

I'll do what I want.

GLASS SHATTERS

THUNDERCLAP, MANIACAL LAUGHTER

And that's how it happened.

-Ethan did it.

-Liar!

Look, camera. I can take pictures of you, too.

I should probably put this away.

They've been talking to Robbie and Ethan for a while now.

-Do you think they've said anything?

-No way. They are cool as cucumbers.

Hey, hey, hey.

Stop it.

-Stop it.

-He's lying, I didn't do it!

If anyone did it, you did it!

Look, a terrible crime has been committed

and I don't care how long it takes,

I am going to get to the bottom of this.

Justice for Deborah Delilah Dewey.

Deborah Delilah Dewey?!

Yeah, that's what I called the television because it's 3-D.

Anyway, Robbie's had his say, now it's Ethan's turn.

-Off you go, Robbie.

-Why should I leave?

So he can make up another story about me?

You're the storyteller!

All right, that's enough.

Ethan, why don't you tell us your side of things?

First of all, Robbie wasn't watching the telly first, I was.

And I wasn't watching Atomic Werewolf Spiders,

I was actually researching.

I was keen to find out more about foxes.

So that's why I was watching the vulpine channel.

We have a vulpine channel?!

I thought foxes were canines?

There are two types of canines.

There are lupine and vulpine.

Foxes are vulpine.

May I continue? There I was, being the perfect angel,

watching the vulpine channel.

It is I, Robbie, King of Everything.

I wish to use the TV.

Be gone, peasant. I was not wearing a crown.

-I believe

-I

-was telling the story.

Leave at once, Ethan.

The King has spoken.

Please, Robbie, I'm watching this.

Maybe you didn't see my crown.

-I'm on backwards.

-FARTS

I can't see.

That's better. Staring contest.

Go!

Now remove yourself.

Can't we come to a non-violent resolution?

I hate big words, you know that.

My apologies. I can be verbose sometimes,

even unnecessarily grandiose.

Words, words, words!

We're brothers. Why can't we just love each other?

Argh!

GLASS SHATTERS

Father's new television!

My crown!

Ethan, you totally made that up.

No, I didn't. That's what happened.

Be quiet! Both of you.

I've just texted Matt. He'll be able to clear this up.

-You called?

-Couple of questions.

-Sit down.

-Sure, Mum.

Stop talking, wise guy.

Robbie says that Ethan threw a cricket ball into the telly.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure it was an accident.

Thing is, love, Ethan says that it fell onto Robbie's crown.

Yeah, Robbie's crown was part of it.

Quite a day. Robbie's crown, Ethan's cricket ball, Tabitha.

Tabitha? What's Tabitha got to do with this?

What are you talking about? Who said Tabitha?

You just said it.

Errr...

Errr....

Errr...

Tabitha was here?

I mean, a little.

-What happened in there?

-Ethan ruined everything.

Robbie blamed me.

Welcome to the slap box championship.

Ethan "Open Hand" Hughes versus Robbie "The Wrist".

Round one. Slap!

Come on. Slappier. Slappier.

Matt, you were supposed to be looking after the kids.

How could you let them do this to Debra Delilah Dewey?

OK, OK.

Tabitha called when you guys left and I was very responsible about it.

Sorry, we can't go out right now.

Mum and Dad are gone, so I'm watching everyone.

But...

If you came here, then I can still watch them.

See how responsible that was?

Right, so, my super-respectful girlfriend

came by for a super-short visit.

Ah, ah, ah, can't come in.

-No parents.

-I wouldn't dream of it.

Shall we picnic in the garden?

-That would be swell.

-Broccoli basket?

Things are going great with Tabs.

We have so much in common.

We're messy eaters, we like fun games,

especially games that involve messy eating.

She's just like Mum. It's weird that Mum doesn't like her.

I'm going to get Tabs to come over more often,

then Mum will learn to love her.

I love broccoli. Rich in antioxidants.

Shall we veg outside then?

Ginger, you're in charge.

If you need me, I'm in the garden.

What did you get up to in the garden?

You know, typical, regular totally normal relationship stuff.

Tabs, I've been meaning to say this for a while and I feel that there

won't be more of a perfect time.

Dizziness potion. Minus five balance.

Dizziness antidote. Balance restored.

-Levitation arrow.

-Whoa.

-Flatulence arrow.

-HE BREAKS WIND

Indestructible rope.

-Argh!

-I summoned the mighty Minotaur!

LIGHTNING CRASHES

What?!

MINOTAUR ROARS

It's probably best if I get going.

It's the responsible thing to do.

It certainly is.

Fair thee well. Formal handshake?

GLASS SHATTERS

No, I'm not buying it.

-Chris?

-I saw them kiss.

Care to adjust your story?

What does young love have to do with any of this?

I mean, I thought we were getting to the bottom of the telly mystery.

Agreed. So what happened?

I honestly don't know.

I was with Tabs and they won't tell me because they know

I am terrible with secrets.

Right.

Gloves off.

Until one of you confesses, you are all grounded.

-ALL:

-What?!

Cool! I've never been grounded before.

Yeah, I'm grounded.

Nope, no, I do not want to hear it.

You are all responsible because you were all here.

Until we find out what really happened, the punishment stands.

You know, if you think about it, it is partially your fault.

I mean, you were the ones who left us here alone.

You know we can't be trusted.

What was so important that you couldn't be here?

Yeah, where were you?

This really isn't about us.

Aunt Cor went to get her old job back.

Didn't you, Aunt Cor?

You're going back to work?

All the time, you're grilling us,

when you are the one keeping secrets?

'I may have nudged Mum to go back to work at the theatre.

'She still talks about it all the time.

'The best part is when Mum goes back to work, she will be distracted.

'And a distracted mum doesn't care about the pet fox

'that you're hiding.'

You can't go back to work, Mum.

Yeah, what about us?

What about you?

You are all big boys now.

You are completely capable of handling things on your own.

-Or so I thought.

-It's really not your decision, boys.

This one's up to Mum. And I, for one, am completely with her.

Are you going to work in the theatre again, Mum?

Looks like it. They are keen to have me back

as their front of house manager.

But what about our house?

Oh, Chris, it just feels like the right time.

Matt's figuring out university, Ginger's off home.

You are a big boy now.

Everyone is sorted except for Mum.

I wanted to talk to you all about it before you found out, but Ginger...

Sorry. It just came out.

I was upset because you grounded me for no reason.

You are worse than me when it comes to keeping secrets.

-No, I'm not.

-Yeah, you are.

The summer fairy, me and Chris not having the same birthday,

-Mum getting a job.

-This mouth keeps a lot of secrets.

Like when... You nearly got me.

So, everyone OK with Mum going back to work?

-We're proud of you, Mum.

-Yeah, we've got your back.

If it makes you happy, it makes me happy.

Thank you. It means a lot.

Come on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

-The telly.

-ALL: Oh, yeah.

Right. Gloves off.

You already took your gloves off.

Yeah, Well, this is a different pair of gloves.

Chris, tell me what you saw.

Finally, someone's asked me!

Once upon a time, there was a lonely dragon who lived in a cave.

He had lots of treasure.

And one day, a unicorn came over and said, "Give me your treasure."

But the Dragon said, "No, it's mine."

Then, they started fighting.

Then, a triceratops fell out of the sky.

And made a giant hole in the earth

and blew up the whole world.

-The end.

-That's super plausible.

-That's it, the one with the dinosaurs.

-Yeah.

I don't want to be a filthy rat, but at some point,

you have to ask yourself what is more important - honesty,

or saving your skin.

Honestly, right now, I am leaning more towards saving my skin,

but I do kind of feel bad for Aunt Corey and Uncle Bob.

Especially Uncle Bob.

He's cried a lot today.

Something's odd here.

In Ethan and Robbie's story, something went into the TV.

Which means the glass should be on the inside.

So why...

..are there fragments of screen on the floor?

Somebody must have punched through the back of the telly.

There is an even bigger hole back here!

THEY ALL GASP

Speak, someone, now.

I told you already.

It was the triceratops.

Not you, Chris. Matt, Ethan, Robbie -

you have mere moments before your lives as you know them end forever.

< I did it.

THEY ALL GASP

Thanks, guys, for covering up for me, but I put the hole in the TV.

What happened, Ginger?

Robbie and Ethan did fight over the TV,

but they were only doing that because I tricked them.

I wanted something interesting to film, so I set them up.

Robbie, my apologies,

I told you no-one was in here and you could watch TV,

but it looks like Ethan's watching it.

This won't end well.

-You watching the telly?

-No, I'm done.

-Sweet.

-Wait, Ethan, are you going to let Robbie run you off like that?

I actually have to go outside to map out a pen for my fox.

You're getting a fox? Cool.

Not cool. I need conflict.

You two are the worst.

The worst, the worst, the worst, the worst,

the worst, the worst, the worst.

The worst, the worst, the worst!

The worst, the worst, the worst.

Worst!

No, no, no, no.

I don't think it broke. It's fine.

GLASS SHATTERS

The triceratops did it.

Why were you filming them, Ginger?

I was...making a documentary on bro fights.

Oh, Deborah. I mean, at least it was quick.

It was very brave of you to speak up, Ginger.

But you made a mistake and there have to be consequences.

One week, grounded, yeah?

I deserve it.

So we're clear, we are not responsible

for Deerie being looser than normal.

Yeah, not in any way.

There is no proof that we put a camera in Deerie six weeks ago

to spy on Mum and Dad.

I'm sorry, Uncle Bob.

I know how important that TV was to you.

HE GROWLS

I think what he means to say is that the telly is not as important as you

are, Ginger, and we're just glad that no-one got hurt.

Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm glad nobody got hurt.

-Except for you.

-Sorry, one more thing to add.

Ginger isn't fully responsible.

Twist.

It's true that Matt left us alone.

-Not important.

-And Ginger got Robbie to try and take the telly from me.

But she isn't the reason that Deerie fell on Deborah Delilah Dewey.

Hey, I'm watching that.

No, you're not, you're writing in your book.

Give it back.

Do you want to get a fox?

-Never going to happen.

-Give it back.

I'll give it back when I get the telly.

Maybe if you spent less time watching the telly

and more time practising your writing.

Ginger, turn that off.

Why? Afraid she'll find out that you have a learning disability?

He can't write proper.

That's why he stole my book.

He's jealous.

Stop it. Stop it.

SHE SIGHS

It's all right, it's not broken.

CREAKING

GLASS SHATTERS

Robbie, that's big news.

Don't worry. I can write things down for you.

I can spell anything.

A-N-Y-thing.

-Thanks, Chris.

-So, truth's out.

Do you feel any different now they know?

Actually, no.

That's cos you're not different.

You're still the amazing person that we all love.

Ethan, have you apologised to Robbie?

No, I was saving it till you got home.

I'm sorry, Robbie.

I'm sorry about the TV, Uncle Bob.

-We're sorry.

-That's it, I'm calling it.

Give them a doughnut.

Let's just write today off.

Yay, doughnuts, chomp, chomp, chomp.

I bought a dozen doughnuts for the whole family.

Unfortunately, the doughnuts didn't make the trip home.

They...got lost.

Oh, I don't think so, Corey.

No, no, no. No doughnuts for this lot.

No. Ginger, Robbie, Ethan, you are on loo duty until the end of time.

Well, hello, again, Officer Bad Cop.

That's it for you guys. You're never going to see the light of day again.

Thanks to Officer Bad Cop.

-Right, more doughnuts for the rest of us.

-Chris loves doughnuts.

-Bring them on, Dad.

-Doughnuts.

You ate them all, didn't you?

-Every one of them, yeah.

-You really are a bad cop.

So I'm on bathroom duty, I guess, but I deserve it.

I shouldn't have messed with Robbie and Ethan like that.

Can you believe Robbie has a learning disability?

Probably explains the gift he gave me last year.

Pretty sure he missspelt my name.

But it's the thought that counts.

Look, I'm better than I was last year.

CLATTERING

Ow!

I didn't say how much better.