Episode 1 Splatalot

-It's splat time, people.

-Welcome to Splatalot,

the magical, mythical kingdom where ten brave young warriors

go head to head with those despicable defenders,

as they compete to capture the highly treasured Splatalot crown.

Yick! Yick! Yick! Yick!

Can the defenders keep the castle safe from the attackers,

or will our young warriors overcome every obstacle

and find a new ruler for this messiest of kingdoms?

One thing's for sure - there will be tumbles, there will be tilts,

there will be teetering and there will be...

-BOTH:

-Splats!

-Hi, I'm me.

-You're you.

-That's that. So, welcome to this.

-Could we be any clearer?

-It's funny you should say that.

Today's Splatalot is a magical, mythical, moonlit special.

A magical, mythical, moonlit special?

Yeah, so we might all be in the dark.

Ten attackers will start the moat challenge in daylight.

Six will go on to Ditch The Dungeon.

Then night will fall and the four remaining warriors

will compete for the Splatalot crown in the moonlight.

Doesn't that look amazing?

Yes, it does. But more of that later. Let's get on with round one.

We start proceedings with the moat challenge.

They start in the splat-apult.

It hurls them towards the Slippery Slope.

They'll find the Rolling Mace and the Impossible Incline.

The water blast guards the Beastly Battle-Axes.

Which leads to the Bridge Of Disaster,

which must be crossed to reach the Wavering Warhead.

Final obstacle before the finish line and a dry towel.

-But just to be splatful, here are some more obstacles.

-The defenders.

Yes, each one is a mean, lean, keen, splatting machine.

Apart from Thorne. He's just mean.

And Vane, well, he's not exactly lean, is he?

And Faetal... Well, I suppose she's keen.

-I'm focused.

-I'm angry.

I'm hungry.

OK, then, so more like a focused, angry, hungry splatting machine.

Here are the defenders with their weapons. Thorne - splatzuka.

-Vane - slime. Faetal - aqualiser.

-Here's Erica.

I like ponies.

Yick! Yick! Yick! Yick!

-Hang on, that's nothing like a pony.

-No, this is a pony.

-What's wrong with your voice?

-I'm a little HOARSE.

-Oh, great.

Erica, I hear you like boy bands. I used to be in a boy band too.

-Yeah, right.

-You know what my name was?

-What?

-Thorne.

-What a great story(!)

-You got nowhere in your career.

-That's why you're working here.

-I like this girl.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with this job. I love my job.

-And the moat loves Erica. Ploink!

-I happen to like singing as well.

-It's pop music's loss, Thorne.

-Maybe he could have been in Take Splat.

Well, Erica's only interested in One Direction. Downwards.

-I'll give you that one.

-Thank you.

Erica, I was in a boy band too.

-This won't be good.

-We were called the Baconstreet Boys.

-Sound yummy.

-It was delicious.

-Any other defender been in a boy band?

-I doubt Faetal has.

-Flonge-wongle!

To avoid any further conversation, Erica heads for the moat.

This is where she realises she can't cope with Vane any more

and in she goes.

Five, six, seven, eight. And one, two, three, four...

-Oh!

-Well, at least he can splat to the beat.

Ooom-baba!

-And finish with jazz hands.

-Oh, please.

Erica, why are you supporting the boy bands? Why not the girl bands?

-They're better looking.

-Haven't you ever heard of the Splat Girls?

-Is this really the best place to be discussing girl bands?

-Wham-oogle!

-Your voice has gone again.

-Still a little HOARSE.

Maybe discussing girl bands wasn't that random after all.

Erica's made it to the Wavering Warhead.

Can she reached the finish line? She pushes off and...

Oh, flopsy-plat-bams.

But she eventually finishes with 7:56.

-Any more boy band gags to finish with?

-No.

-But how about Lady Googoo?

-Nice.

Blap! Blap! Blap!

Get at me, guys! I got this!

Here's science-loving Tobi.

-Now, if we freeze the picture and add these scientific arrows...

-Yes?

-..it still doesn't stop her falling in the moat.

-Great.

Hey, Tobi, did you know that slime's on the periodic table?

Thorne blinds Tobi with science.

And that slime blinds her from another splat.

In science, we call that an impossible incline.

And you've proven that theorem for it to be...impossible.

I love it when the defenders think they're being clever.

What he meant was, if a fast-moving body meets an immovable object

on a downward trajectory, then the result is a fish-platter-splat-bomp.

Let me show you what I like to call the Faetal Formula. First you run.

Then you splat.

And then I smile.

That's the kind of scientific explanation I CAN cope with.

-I'm a winner!

-You haven't won anything yet, Tobi. Here's Taylor.

You can't touch me

because I'm awesome.

-You can't touch me because I'm Thorne.

-That makes no sense at all.

I've got some eco-friendly slime for you.

Yes, all the slime is biodegradable and comes out even in a cold wash.

-That's not a good method. That's not good at all.

-Ooooh!

Ha-wango! And Taylor's in the bilge.

Nature-loving Taylor was right in one respect.

Her splat was awesome.

First a squat, then a lunge, as if she's about to do some shot putting,

a brief sit-down, and then to round it off, boosh-cronk.

And Taylor's very happy with that time of 7:02.

-Here's Liam.

-Purple tacos!

Please, if you see a purple taco, don't eat it.

-Liam down the incline and wa-boom!

-Forehead first.

Liam's splat fact says that he's bad at smelling.

No, he's bad at spelling.

-So, my gag about his splat being a stinker won't work, then?

-No.

Don't worry, dude. I never learned to spell. Look at me now.

Yes, Liam quite rightly decides not to look. Wa-pa-poodle!

He should have looked out for that gap between the axe and the bridge.

But it all started when he slipped on the first axe.

After that, he was heading for a spell in the moat.

Very good, you've redeemed yourself.

-That's a very good time for Liam, 4:25.

-Cue the goo.

And cue the next attacker.

Yodelay-ee-ee-aye!

Lay-oo-oo-oo, lay-lowww-layyy!

Brilliant! Julia's our first yodelling attacker.

I'll be the Thorne in your von Trapp.

Julie Andrews!

Who do you think you are, storming my castle?

-I said, "Who do you think you are?"

-A tough question

when you're falling off a Rolling Mace into the swan-goppsy.

Maybe that was the point. Maybe Thorne was sensing a von Trapp.

Can we stop these references to musicals, please?

# The hills are alive with the sound of splatting! #

Apparently we can't.

Julia on the bridge, and dinky-doo-dinner!

Yodelay-ee!

Yodelay-ee-ee!

-Yodelay-ee!

-SHE COUGHS

Thank goodness for that. I thought she'd never stop.

And our yodeller finishes in 6:44. Bring on the sheep.

-What?

-Sheep love a bit of yodelling don't they? Or is it goats?

Let's check out the leaderboard, shall we?

So, the next five attackers know what they have to beat,

but that's much easier said than done.

Would this collection of splats demonstrate the point

-you're trying to make?

-Yes, thank you.

So, any thoughts on the first half? What about Thorne, and Vane?

Vane, yeah.

Hey, dude, I used to be in a boy band, dude.

-The Baconstreet boys.

-Dude.

-Dude.

-BOTH:

-Dude! Dude!

Dude. What's up, dude? You can't be disrespecting me.

That's totally uncool.

-You got to be cool. You got to be cool to the max, all right?

-Yes.

-Yeah?

-Yes.

-Later, dudes.

-Laters. Leaderboard.

-Leaderboard.

Liam in first place is safe,

but Julia, Taylor, Erica and Tobi just have to wait and see.

The defenders are back, armed, no doubt, with more nonsense.

Let's meet Brandon.

Happy splatsgiving!

Here he is, on the Slippery Slope.

It looks like Vane's wearing oven gloves and an apron.

-This won't end well.

-I've got my apron on. I'm ready.

-For what?

-I hope that haircut was free.

-Uh-oh!

-Oh, yeah. Well, it wasn't.

-Well done, Thorne(!)

Any chance you could think of anything funnier to say?

-Have another go.

-You're in Thorne's barbershop now, Brandon.

How's this for a bowl cut?

-Swickit!

-Barbarous behaviour there from Thorne,

and a very hairy moment for Brandon, but he survived his close shave.

Up here, dude. I'd like to welcome you to Vane's kitchen.

This kid wants a splatsgiving and I'm making a feast.

I don't think Brandon's in the mood for food at the moment, Vane.

Waffles!

And I doubt he'll want to drink too much of that moat water either.

-This is a good time for that?

-It's always a good time for food.

-We've been through this.

-If looks could splat.

And Brandon finishes in 5:26. That's good enough for round two.

Rawr!

-Brianna - yet another horse lover.

-Come on, Brianna. Trot for me.

-I like your hair, by the way.

-Thank you. But that's not the point.

The point is to trot along.

Brianna trots, then she drops in to the plunge-wungle.

-Maybe the Rolling Mace just said, "NAY".

-Hey, I do the pony gags.

-But surely "hay" is for horses.

-Back to the course.

I think you need to get your priorities in order, Vane.

My priorities ARE in order, Faetal. Number one, key slime pie.

-Number two, splatting Brianna. Number three, you and I.

-Oh!

Keep it in the kitchen, Vane.

-You're good.

-Well, I think Vane has just put everyone off their food.

Has he put Brianna off? Oh-lympic-bick-bicks!

Thorne, I don't think Brianna has the horsepower.

Great, even Faetal's doing the horse jokes.

Remember, I was doing them first.

You're ruining Brianna's moment. She's through to round two.

You can't splat this!

-You want to get splatted?

-Don't suppose he does.

But it's bound to happen at some point, Nehemiah.

How about now?

Snee-puffle!

-You're supposed to stop there.

-Vane's right.

-We need a stop sign.

-How's that?

-Perfect. Thank you.

-Thorne fires, but no hit. No splat.

-I think that's about to change.

Too-doodle-berries!

See, Nehemiah? You CAN splat this.

In fact, it's a double splat

as he gets an extra nudge on his way down to the moat.

Splatting of the highest order there.

But not a time to match. 8:29 might be too slow.

-Nice one!

-Saved by the spike.

I'm last name 'Tastic, first name 'Fan.

He must love his parents(!)

-Good afternoon, Mr 'Tastic.

-Never a good sign when Thorne's polite.

Do you know my friend, Mr 'Tabulous?

Actually, that's Justin's brother, who's also competed in Splatalot.

Flour's good for baking, but it's also good for weightlifting.

-No slip on these bad boys.

-You're outrageous.

-Says the boy with the blue mohican.

-Back to the battle-axes.

Justin, you're "just in" time for me to finish this recipe.

He's also just in time for a moat trip. Sploosh-bonk!

Well, Mr Fantastic certainly lived up to his name.

Vane should take note, as this is the perfect recipe for a splat de jour.

And with that time of 6:57, Justin might just GOO through.

-I have no idea!

-Neither have I, Tyke.

-If you have no idea, what are you doing on this course?

-Simmer down.

I will not simmer down!

-Thorne's boiling over.

-Aqua-brekkers!

-Nice shot, no shot!

-Tyke simply shrugs it off and crosses the mace.

-We've got a comedian in the house.

-How did you get here so quick, dude?

You're interrupting my cooking show.

No, he's attacking your castle, remember?

I'm going to have to speed things up a little bit here.

-Tyke's onto the second axe now.

-Don't worry, I'll get him, Thorne.

Ooh, and sprocket-box.

And he's down. OK. We can slow it down a bit here.

Faetal does quite the opposite, as she opens up the aqualiser.

Once again, Tyke shrugs it off. Oh, and this is amazing.

-He swings and he's over.

-What?!

-Faetal can't believe it.

-And neither can we. 1:54. Tyke is top dog.

-That's right.

You simmer down. Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Easy, Thorne. So, Tyke sails through to round two,

along with Liam, Brandon, Julia,

Brianna and Justin.

Well, what a way to complete round one. Well played, Tyke.

But there's no rest for him or the other attackers

-as round two is just around the corner.

-Actually, no.

It's kind of beneath the corner.

We're heading down to the Splatalot dungeon.

Now, before round two,

-we would like to re-enact Vane's cookery masterclass.

-OK, dude.

-Priority number one. Key slime pie.

-Priority number two.

-Keep splatting the attackers.

-And priority number three.

You and I, Faetal. THEY LAUGH

Priority number four.

-Revenge is a splat best served cold.

-What?

Vane train out of here.

So, here's a reminder of the attackers

who are through to round two.

Back to the tournament, here's Ditch The Dungeon in more detail.

Before ascending the Loathsome Ladder, the attackers must escape

from the Stock Market and make their way over the Splat Walk.

It's then time to climb the ladder to the top,

where four flags await the fastest four attackers.

And awaiting the two losers is the Slippery Slide Of Shame.

Also awaiting the attackers will be our next three defenders.

-Yes, at least one of them won't be that loser, Vane.

-Mm.

-What was that?

-Nothing, Mr Dude.

-I'm the Kookaburra. Ha-ha-ha!

-Kook, you've gotta love him.

-Skabb!

-Skabb, you've gotta fear him.

-Madeva, baby.

-And Madeva, you've gotta be kidding.

The same attackers you meet on the way up.

And the same ones you splat on the way down!

Well, I'm sure that makes perfect sense if you're a defender.

So, the attackers are in the Stock Markets. Brandon's in yellow.

Brianna's in pink. Julia's in orange. Justin's ready in red.

Liam's in the stripes. And Tyke's green for go.

The defenders are also ready

and armed with an awful lot of slime power.

KLAXON BLARES And they're off.

They make their way through the gate and across the Splat Walk.

And here's where it gets messy.

-Attackers!

-Yes, Skabb, they attack, you defend.

Do you think he knows what day of the week it is?

Here comes the frothy foam, and things start to get extra slippy.

-You know what that means?

-What does that mean?

-Easy prey.

Ooh! Pop-pop-and-schniff!

-Tyke gets a back splat.

-Hey, Tyke. What's nine plus nine?

Maths questions?

-And Tyke slides and Julia splats.

-Equals splat, apparently.

Well, Skabb might not be able to add up,

but he can multiply one goo grenade with four attackers

to produce an almighty pile-up.

The defenders certainly have the upper hand at this stage.

The attackers can't get past the bottom rungs of the ladder.

Tyke slips, Justin trips, and Liam splats.

Justin's down and so is Brandon.

Remember, when life gives you lemons, throw them at attackers.

That's the strangest lemon I've ever seen.

Tyke's off his feet again, and once more, Liam suffers.

Yes, Tyke keeps slipping, but he's yet to fall in the moat.

Liam, on the other hand, has barely been out of it.

Now it's Kookaburra's turn.

Tyke slips again, but Brianna and then Julia end up in the moat.

Skabb can yodel. Yah-la-la-la-lay!

Well, if yodelling wasn't that popular before,

it certainly isn't now.

-Skabb's in the zone!

-Let's get back to the game, shall we?

Brandon's making steady progress.

Oh! Trout-sprout! Skabb splats him and down he goes.

Julia climbs the ladder. I'm sure the defenders will spot her.

Yodel, girl. Let's hear you yodel.

-Yodel and you won't get a lemon in the face.

-Uh-oh.

-Really?

-Yes.

I knew it, look, the sheep have turned up. I told you they would.

-Terrible.

-That's a lesson for us all. Never trust a defender.

Who taught you to yodel? That's not how you yodel. You yodel like this.

Yodel-lay-lay!

He's multitasking. Defending and yodelling.

Tyke, what's nine plus three?

I can't keep up. Yodelling defenders, sheep, maths questions.

-It's all too much.

-The attackers agree.

-I will now summon the Ball Of Doom.

-Not the...

-BOTH:

-Ball Of Doom!

Just the very name strikes fear into the attackers' hearts.

HE YODELS

You guys are so lucky. Not many people get to see the Balls Of Doom.

Here it comes. Ooh! Oh, blabber-mousse!

-And Brianna's in the moat.

-Hang on. Let's see a replay.

Yes, unbelievably, Tyke gets splatted first,

but, yet again, he doesn't end up in the moat.

But he still slid down the ladder. Liam managed to hold on.

Whichever way you look at it,

the Ball Of Doom certainly lives up to its name.

Kook aims and splats Brianna.

A delayed reaction, then down she goes into the muzzle-wit.

Tyke is slimed and loses his footing. Is this the moment...?

Yes, he finally lands in the moat.

Madeva continues with the slime attack.

Julia climbs, but the slime is too much

and down she goes with no sheep to break her fall.

-Did you say you wanted water?

-Don't answer, Brandon.

Wow, that slime ball was close.

Well, if it wasn't already slippy enough,

Madeva decides to hose down the ladder.

And two more attackers head back down.

I can't see how this can get any worse.

-Splat them down the middle! Do you understand?

-Here's how.

The next Ball Of Doom is on the way.

Doom! Doom! Doom!

Near-perfect splat for the defenders.

You could have warned me! Whoa!

Well, the Ball Of Doom swept every attacker off their feet,

apart from Brandon.

He timed his leap to perfection and managed to stay upright.

Let me AXE you a question. Do you feel lucky, punk?

And Skabb prods Tyke, and down he goes, taking Brianna with him.

-It's game now, baby.

-Now Justin seems to be on his own on the ladder.

Skabb's run out of Doom Balls.

This could be Justin's moment to escape the dungeon.

But the other attackers are catching them up, and the race is on.

Brandon and Tyke take the lead. Madeva can't stop them now.

She throws a final bucket of slime, but Tyke,

like so many times before, shrugs it off and claims the first flag.

Brandon's not far behind, though.

He gets to the top and secures the second place in the final.

-Now what's Skabb up to?

-Descending from long range.

And it looks like it's worked. Julia slips back down into the moat.

Brianna has held on, though. Justin's also there.

But not for long.

And he joins Julia at the bottom of the ladder. Thrakk-splat!

Brianna now joined by Liam,

but she reaches the top first and becomes our third finalist.

Liam's also over. That's it, round two's complete.

The dungeon has been ditched.

Unsportsmanlike behaviour from Skabb.

Julia's lost her yodel and Justin's not feeling fantastic.

So, here are the four flag-waving attackers who've made it.

Well done indeed to our four finalists.

They've bravely conquered two Splatalot challenges.

-But the day's not over for them yet.

-Well, technically it is.

-What?

The final's going to be played at night.

Yes, this promises to be one of the most dramatic

and atmospheric finals in Splatalot history.

Don't jinx it!

Time now for Splats Of Fame.

Where we take a moment to celebrate some truly classic splats.

And that's why we call it Splatalot.

Now here's a splat stat attack with a twist. Oh, Vane, dude.

-What's up, dudes?

-Hello, there.

Could you do the splat stats for us, please? Wear that hat, thank you.

Off you go.

DICK: 'On average, there's nothing that separates

'Liam, Brandon and Brianna.

'But the attacker in the best form by far is Tyke,

'who has finished first both times.'

Whoa! Dudes! What was that?

-Did you guys just make me look stupid?

-No, no, no.

Here's a reminder of those finalists.

As Vane just said, there's nothing between Brandon, Brianna and Liam.

And even though Tyke is the favourite,

they are all worthy finalists.

Worthy? Whoa, dude. Those guys are toe cheese!

-Which reminds me, I have to eat before the next round.

-Bye.

Dude.

What a ghastly man.

Back to our majestic course, which looks magnificent in the moonlight.

The attackers start in the Dire Mire

and head to the Barrier Of All Barriers.

Then it's the Terrifying Tees, which lead to the Scary Go-Round.

The attackers head over to the Gruesome Twosome.

If they survive the Clobbering Cannons,

they head down the Royal Ramps and up the Rock Wall.

Where the shimmering Splatalot crown awaits.

Remember, all six defenders take part in the final

and they look ready, even Vane.

But the attackers look ready too.

Brandon's in yellow. Brianna's in pink.

Tyke's in green. And Liam's in the stripes.

Don't nod off, Liam.

The defenders have primed their slime weapons

and, er, eaten their tea, so the final is under way.

The attackers head for the Dire Mire,

which is even more dire in the dark.

Brianna is first at the Barrier, and she's the first to make it over.

-But Brandon's there too.

-Have you noticed something different?

-Yes.

-There's an attacker in the castle.

-Brandon and Brianna are at the Tees.

But Tyke's still struggling at the Barrier.

Brianna, you've got a bit of mud on top of yourself.

Brandon makes a move, but twick-raps!

Skabb splats Brianna, and Brandon's in the moat.

-That all happened at once.

-Well, here it is again.

Skabb accurately splats Brianna

just as Brandon loses his balance on the Terrifying Tees.

Faetal looks particularly surprised about that.

Now it's Brianna's turn on the Tees. She's teetering and tottering.

-What's with these attackers?

-I don't know.

How rude. The defenders are chatting whilst Brianna's splatting.

Tyke's on the Tees.

-But not for long.

-Here's Brandon, leaping onto the Scary Go-Round.

And Kook greets him with a goo grenade.

-He's made it to the Annihilating Arm.

-The defenders are reloading.

Tyke takes advantage.

What a water blast! Tyke joins Brandon at the Arm.

They're like a couple!

And the trouble is, a couple make a bigger target.

# ..Sitting in a tree

# K-I-S-S-I-N-G! #

So, from a terrible tease to the Terrifying Tees.

Here's Liam. Crab-seeker!

Well, he tripped, slid, lost a shoe and splatted.

On the bright side, at least he'll get his stripes back now.

-Brandon's about to leap.

-Thorne's about to vaporise.

-But he makes his landing.

-Brianna, it's Faetal. Where are you?

We've lost Brianna. I hope she's in bed.

She's fine, but sadly the course has proved too much for Brianna.

Can Tyke join Brandon on the Twosome?

No, he can't hold on.

You've got to wait till the midnight hour,

till the attackers start tumbling down.

And right on cue, Brandon tumbles into the gunge-erella.

Here's Liam at the Arm. Now, he doesn't want to hang around here.

Skabb sees him. Oh, hickey-splots!

A direct splat, and Liam's in a bit of bother.

I'd like to welcome everyone back to Vane's cooking show.

Here, have some. Oh, yeah!

Not like Vane to give food away.

Ooh! And Tyke is clobbered straight into the moat.

The chef isn't supposed to eat his own batch, but I'm very hungry.

You're always hungry!

And those cannons are always tricky. Tyke gets a moat-ful.

-And Vane gets a mouthful.

-Are you hungry?

-I made this specially for you.

-Yum.

-Enjoy.

-Ooh, Prince Mishgin!

-You think Brandon enjoyed that?

I doubt it very much.

Liam leaps onto the Scary Go-Round.

He hangs on and decides it's time to go under the Arm.

Brianna's still asleep. Has anyone told her she can go home now?

Tyke has made it to the Royal Ramps.

He avoids a splat, but has lost a shoe. He's hanging on, though.

-But for how long, with Madeva on the case?

-Liam's been here before.

But this is a first for Tyke. Ooh, clack-ka-kaa!

Skabb turns his attention back to Liam.

-But maybe he should concentrate on Tyke.

-Oh, splat, no!

Where do you think you're going?

-Well, the defenders are certainly concentrating on him now.

-Atchoo!

Kook's fake flu sends Brandon flying.

Tyke's approaching the foot of the ramp.

He's just about ready to leap again. He steadies himself. Makes his move.

And this time, he sticks to the wall.

-I can't see anyone stopping him now.

-The defenders look defeated.

And they are, because Tyke's made it to the top. He's got the crown.

You're too late, Kook, because Splatalot has a new ruler.

-Yes, all hail King Tyke!

-Wow, that looked amazing.

And King Tyke certainly did justice to the setting.

But the defenders didn't. Vane was still eating.

Let's see who else bit off more than they could chew.

It's Nehemiah from the moat challenge.

He tried to keep his balance,

but ended up with a double splat into the moat.

Yes, the battle-axes once more take the credit for another top splat.

You don't know how right you are.

Here's our new King Tyke, who also took a good splatting

-at the hands of the axes.

-But he still won round one and two.

The final raised a few questions, but he answered them all

and now he's our new ruler.

My first act as King of Splatalot is to have one of you

thrown into this swamp.

I wish it could be all of you.

But tonight, I pick Thorne.

What? What?

How dare you pick me?!

Oh, get in.

..Nobody!

-So, that's just about it for today.

-Hey, dudes, you want some pie?

-Leg it!

-It's really good.

You missed the best part.

Until next time...

-BOTH:

-Keep splatting!

THORNE RANTS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd