Episode 2 Splatalot

Welcome to Splatalot...

..a magical kingdom where ten brave young warriors go head-to-head

with those despicable defenders, as they compete to capture

the much-treasured Splatalot crown.

Girls rule, boys drool!

Can the defenders keep the castle safe,

or will they be overthrown by the attackers?

Their goal is to overcome all obstacles in their way,

and ultimately crown a new ruler.

So, who will tumble, who will tilt, who will teeter,

and who will go...splat?!!

-I'm Dick. He's Dom...

-And this...this is Splatalot.

-No, no, no - it's not!

-Pardon me?

It's a Splatalot special edition.

It's the boys versus the girls - Splatdown!

Boys versus the girls? I mean, that's brilliant, but...

-Boys versus girls - is that fair?

-Hang on, hang on.

We're not going down that route. In this kingdom,

everyone gets a right good splatting,

-it doesn't matter who or what you are.

-Ha!

-Actually, what I meant is, it's not really fair on the defenders...

-Oh.

..because it's going to be carnage out there!

How will they defend the Merciless Moat?

I can see at least six attackers getting through,

and if they're lucky, they might stop a couple more in round two,

but that would still leave four in the final,

where one attacker is bound to take hold of that crown!

I didn't know you cared so much about the defenders!

-Well, I mean, they've got feelings, too, haven't they?

-By feelings,

do you mean anger, rage and hating all the attackers?

Precisely! Here's round one in more detail.

We start with the Baffling Barrels and Piercing Pellets...

If you're neither baffled nor pierced,

you then face the Slippery Slope and Rolling Mace.

The Impossible Incline and Beastly Battle-Axes follow.

If you haven't been in the moat yet, then well done, you!

The Bridge of Disaster often produces disastrous results.

And the Wavering Warhead will force most attackers

to waver, before crossing the finish line.

That is the moat's challenge!

Now, in our Boys v Girls Splatdown,

the three fastest girls and the three fastest boys

will progress to round two.

But that progress will be hindered by the defenders,

who dislike girls and boys in equal measure.

I have to say, that is very fair-minded of them!

In round one, the defenders line up as follows...

It's our fair-weathered fiend Vane.

Our medieval mischief-maker Madeva.

And our feather-brained baddie, Kookaburra!

# Defence...

Defence... #

Meal!

So, Vane is on slime duty,

Madeva has the Splatzuka and Kook is in charge of the Aquiliser.

Here's Asvini...

I was attacked by a Rooster!

Slip, diddly-daddy!

I wonder if that can be described, by any chance,

as a "fowl start"?

Only if you weren't trying to be funny!

Get your splat on, girls!

Here's Asvini at the Slippery Slope.

My grandma throws better than you!

Ooh, fighting talk! Surely, Madeva will respond...?

This isn't working!

Well, that wasn't the response we were expecting!

-Crack-a-nang!

-Now, I'm ready!

Thanks, Madeva, but the Rolling Mace did fine without you!

Asvini steadies herself on the incline.

Jaffa-jazz!

Well, who needs defenders when you've got a course like this?

And, unlike a rooster, Asvini flies into the moat -

-how will she respond to that?

-Girls rule, boys drool!

That's just not true! I only drool when I'm napping,

when I'm making a sandwich...

Oh, that wasn't a power drool from Vane, was it?!

I think it was! The drool hits Asvini, and she loses her footing.

Here she is on the bridge.

Get outta here! Get out!

And she does!

I will never give up!

Asvini, say, "Ah...!"

Agh! And Asvini gets a mouthful of the Aquiliser!

-Better than Vane's drool.

-But she gets up, grabs the warhead, and...

-Oh, floppy one.

-I think she prefers the moat to dry land!

-Fantastic!

-10:35 for Asvini - so she's in the lead.

Only because she was first to go!

Toss me that crown!

OK, Owen - heads I win, tails you splat.

Ooh, tortellini over too far!

The only thing being tossed at the moment is Owen into the moat!

"Oh-an" look here - he's lost a shoe into the bargain!

I bring the pain - and the mayo...

-Mayo? Don't get it.

-Well, you'll just have to "ketchup".

What I DO get is that Owen has made it to the Wavering Warhead.

-Just this obstacle to go.

-It's not over yet - here comes the water...

-And there goes Owen!

-Les Splattisons!

And Owen finishes in 6:10. Look up, Owen!

Lovely!

I have zero self-confidence!

-Confidently said, Katherine!

-Here she goes...

-And...boink!

-Well, that wouldn't help ANYONE's confidence.

Bam, girl!

Let's see that again.

And again.

And again.

-And...

-Stop it! Here's Katherine at the bridge...

-BRIDGE CREAKS Great job!

-What do I do now?!

Dude, that's not an exercise!

Katherine's not going anywhere soon,

so let's leave her and Vane for a moment,

and introduce the second boy attacker of the day, Ben!

I am so awesome

that my awesomeness is awesome.

This had better be awesome, then!

Well, if a mild slip, trip and dip into the moat is awesome,

-then that was awesome.

-You're going down!

I'm going down? Do you know who I am?!

-She's such a diva!

-There you go!

-Lobster-lover!

-Sorry, Ben, you're going down!

And there's Ben's awesomeness for all to see -

-truly awesome!

-Now, how's Katherine doing?

-Do you spot, or...?

-I am woman, hear me splat!

-I like you!

-Ooh, Bobby Vache-Box!

See? That's what happens when you don't use a spotter!

But Katherine's conquered her lack of confidence

with a time of 7:58. Ooh, and a great gooing there.

Awesome Ben now doing battle with the Beastly Battle-Axes.

You're going down!

So, it all goes wrong here, which leads to this, that

and finally...the other.

-Defence!

-Ben's made it over the bridge,

but Kook is really showering him with that Aquiliser.

Dick - how do you see this playing out, quite literally?

Well, quite literally, he swings forwards,

bounces back, swings forwards, bounces back, swings forwards

and slides into the chawa-mabbles.

Thank you! And after all that, Ben finishes in 8:41.

Here's our next boy attacker, Tyson.

Cue another awesome battle cry...

Bananas!

Er, sorry, we have no bananas today, Tyson - just slime from Vane.

Good balance so far on the axes...

Oh, but floppy-wompy!

Now, that WAS awesome!

-Oh, look, we DO have bananas.

-Yes, and not for the first time,

a banana has led to someone's downfall.

How true! But Tyson finishes in 5:09.

That's what you get!

So, that's three boys and two girls so far

in our Boys v Girls Splatdown.

Remember, on today's show, the three fastest boys

and the three fastest girls will be going through to round two.

So far, Tyson's the fastest boy, with 5:09.

And Katherine's top girl, with 7:58.

But that could all change in the second half,

when our remaining attackers take to the course.

And this time, we'll have three girls and two boys

who are more than ready to do splattle.

Splattle? I like it!

So, at the half-way stage, let's see how our Boys v Girls Splatdown

-is shaping up.

-The battle cries tell us a lot.

For example, here's Ben's.

I'm so "or-some" - even my "or-someness is "or-some"!

And here's Katherine's.

I...I have zero self-confidence!

So, obviously, it follows that Katherine was much faster than Ben

-round the course!

-Ah, but that doesn't really matter,

because at this stage,

the girls are actually competing against each other - not the boys.

You see, the three fastest girls go through

regardless of what times the boys post.

And likewise for the boys.

So, in this round, it's like

-there's a boys' tournament and a girls' tournament?

-Mmm, exactly.

as our leader board will not demonstrate.

There we are! Tyson is leading the boys' competition

and Katherine's leading the girls.

And leading the defence, we still have Vane, Madeva and Kookaburra.

-Here's Ayda!

-I am better than everyone!

Sorry! Not sorry!

Well, Ayda's not lacking in confidence, is she?

Onto the barrels - and off them!

That was good - I haven't even started!

Onto the mace and... Oh, we've got a screamer!

Crumple-burger! AYDA SCREAMS

Now, here's the thing - was it the Rolling Mace

or the sheer volume of her scream that forced her into the moat?

As long as it ended up in a crumple-burger, I don't mind!

-Agh!

-Not more screams!

-You're a really good singer!

-I am!

-Let's hear a C...

Uh-oh...

-RISING NOTES:

-# Ayda, Ayda

# Ayda...!

-TUNELESSLY:

-I'm very good at singing.

-No, you're not.

-Thanks, Madeva, I preferred the screaming.

Ayda, we're only half an hour in, anything you want to say?

-I love life!

-I think she wants to meet my wife.

-Really?

-I think so too, Kook.

-That's fantastic!

And Mrs Kookaburra finishes in a time of 10:33.

SHE SCREAMS Screams of joy or horror?

Please make her stop.

-Oh, yeah, Splatalot, yeah.

-Straight into the action for Daniel.

-That's what I'm talking about.

-Oh, no, Splatalot, no.

-Welcome to the game, Daniel.

-Onto the battle-axes.

Here comes the Vane Pain.

Nanky-fak!

Oh, yes, the pain from Vane is mainly in his aim.

Accurate splatting from Vane, tremendous splashing from Daniel.

But despite all that, Daniel finishes in 4:10, the fastest so far.

Whooo!

-Hello!

-Smile.

-Ooh, quack-pupples!

-What a welcome from Madeva

and it looks like Nina's found a new friend.

There it is, her very own slimeball.

Ooh, hee-bubba-lepsy!

Nina, who's the boss?

Nina and her new slimy pal there heading down the Incline.

Madeva's the boss.

-Nina's the boss!

-Well, this exchange between Madeva

and Nina is getting exhausting.

So exhausting that Nina has had to call it a day.

Nerds rule!

Yes, Jayson, but will you rule the Rolling Maze?

Whacka-pwack-attack!

Does he rule from this angle, this angle or this angle?

No, he doesn't rule from any angle.

Birdbath, Sam. Birdbath!

-That's a nice refresher.

-Like some more?

-Say no, Jayson.

And Jayson's refusal to chat pays off, he crosses the finishing line.

Show me how you'd breakdance. Ooh!

Because we can, let's help that breakdancing out.

-Looking good, Jayson.

-But his time of 6:40 isn't.

Watch out boys, I'm THAT girl!

-And that girl is Breanne.

-Twazzle-wong! That girl goes splat.

You've got to show the boys what you're made of.

So, does Breanne mean business? She's on the Maze and, yes,

she shows the boys that she can splat with the best of them.

But it's a splat too far for Breanne.

She's perfectly fine but just can't finish the course today.

Sorry, girls.

So, Katherine, Ayda and Asvini are through for the girls

and Daniel, Tyson and Owen represent the boys.

Those teams will now battle it out in our very messy second round,

Ditch The Dungeon.

Boy or girl, one thing's for sure,

we'll soon find out who's the daddy in this mother of all splat-fests.

So, three boys and three girls made it through Round One

but in Round Two, it all changes.

Four places in the final are on offer but this time it doesn't

matter who you are, it's everyone for themselves.

-Anyone can be in that final.

-Anyone?

-Anyone.

-What, like Justin Bieber?

-Well, if he competed, yes.

-Rihanna?

Yes, if she was one of the six fastest

round the Moat Challenge, but... Look, that's not the point.

-One Direction.

-No!

-What have you got against One Direction?

You just let Justin and Rihanna through.

I haven't let ANYONE through!

You've changed your tune, you said anyone could be in the final.

You know, sometimes talking to him

is like herding cats through a waterfall,

cos cats don't like water. Right?

Here's who's through to Round Two.

Our three girls are Asvini, Katherine and Ayda

and our boys are Tyson, Daniel and Owen.

So what stands between them and the final?

It's the round I like to call "Walter".

Yep, but the rest of us call it Ditch The Dungeon.

So Walter begins with the attackers making their way over

the Slippery Splat Walk which leads to the Loathsome Ladder.

They must head to the top fending off the defenders who

have all manner of grimy weapons.

Once at the top of the dungeon,

the goal is to claim one of four flags,

each representing a place in the final.

-When you put it like that, it sounds almost impossible.

-It almost is.

Why, then, do we make it even harder by involving the defenders?

Well, we all love a baddie, don't we? I mean, look at you.

Defending the dungeon,

we have the feisty and f-f-fearsome Faetal...

the slightly soiled and ever-so-scary Skabb...

and the theatrical and thunderous Thorne.

You're all winners.

Except for two of you.

So the attackers are in the Stock Market.

We have Asvini in purple and pink.

Katherine in yellow, Ayda in blue and orange, Daniel in green,

Owen in red and Tyson in green and yellow.

HE ROARS

Don't forget Skabb with his yell, Thorne with his slime stick

and Faetal with her foam cannon.

HORN SOUNDS And they're off!

Once out of the stocks, they head to the gate and Tyson is flying.

Oh, but not for long. The rest have caught him up.

That's what happens when you're a keen mustard.

Skabb's keen to splat, and so is Thorne.

-He splats Kath and Ayda.

-What's Dan up to?

Unlucky, Greeny. Here, try catch this one.

Well, it never pays to make the defenders angry.

But Danny does well and blocks the goo grenade.

-You kneel before Thorne.

-Oh, dear. Thorne thinks he is King Splatalot.

Yes, but it looks like Danny thinks he's a defender.

-Your aim!

-I liked you.

-Tyson's doing well.

-Hang on, how did that get there?

-Did you draw that?

-I didn't. Daniel's down too.

-Pick a colour.

How about green?

And true to his word, Skabb takes out our green guy, Danny.

But then Danny takes out Tyson and Ayda.

-Yes, it's a three-for-one special at Splatalot.

-Hi, Katherine.

Sorry, Faetal, you'll have to try a lot harder than that.

Katherine's certainly not going to fall... Oh, yes, she has fallen.

-Crackling-punk!

-What a fantastic splat is that?

-Bye, Katherine.

-Owen now making progress.

-Hi. Good, how are you?

Uh-oh, she's being nice again.

-Don't listen, Owen!

-She didn't say nice for long.

Faetal prods with a stick and...sniffy-trombonio!

What a prod! Faetal takes out four attackers.

Forget boys v girls, it's defenders v attackers

-and the defenders are on top.

-A splat strike.

The attackers keep on climbing back up, though. Here comes Katherine.

Ooh, there goes Katherine and that creates a splat-alanche,

-taking pretty much everyone out with it.

-All apart from Tyson.

Tyson gives us a little twirl and that saves him.

-#

-I'm simply the best.

-#

-You missed, so you're not very good.

-Hey, mind your manners.

-Uh-oh.

-What?

-Thorne's bringing out the Purple Plague!

Oh, no! Not the Purple Plague!

Look at the attackers! They all head for the moat to avoid the plague.

Not quite all, Ayda's still standing,

she must be immune and that's really thrown Faetal.

Get her, Skabb!

Ayda's defying the defenders here.

-Can she get past the remains of the plague?

-There's not much left.

The last few balls are being scooped out.

I'm not a fan of showers but I realise when people stink.

And Skabb washes away the plague and the attackers.

Can anyone get past these defenders today?

-Maybe Tyson can, but Skabb's seen him.

-Hey!

Agh!

-THORNE:

-You think you've got what it takes to king?

-Yes.

-No, you don't.

-You've got to prove it.

-Closing in on Thorne now.

Ding-dong-dang-awhack!

-Down go Owen and Katherine.

-But Tyson's still there.

-Not for long.

Ta-ta, Tyson. Chooty-chom-wom!

-So near, so splat.

-What can Owen do?

-He can do pretty well, that's what.

But Skabb slimeballs him off his feet.

He's still there, though, and so is Katherine

but down she goes again for a mouthful of jabba-plop-wop.

And Owen's escaped the dungeon, takes a flag and he's in the final.

Who's going to join him? It looks like it could be Tyson and Daniel.

They're at the top now. Daniel is, Tyson takes a trip

but doesn't hold him for long. Nice flag-waving.

-All the boys are through. Which girls will make it?

-Katherine might.

She's at the top and she'll join the boys in the final.

Surely that must have helped her self-confidence? Wave it, girl.

-Time for the Slide Of Shame.

-Ayda, show me one more time your rage.

-SHE SCREAMS

-There goes Ayda.

I think it's almost worth losing, just so you can do that.

Here's Asvini shamelessly avoiding her last slide.

Still plenty more enjoyment to come for our four triumphant finalists.

All three boys - Owen, Daniel and Tyson - have made it through.

But keeping the girls' hopes alive is the courageous Katherine.

The crown could still go either way in our boys v girls Splatdown.

What if the defenders stop them?

Then it would be the boys v girls v defenders Splatdown.

-Too late, we've done the graphics now.

-Ah.

Will it be a brave boy or a gritty girl who overcomes the obstacles

and seizes the crown of Splatalot?

Defenders need not apply.

-Time for a Splat stat attack. Put the hat on.

-Oh, yes.

-Ready?

-Ready.

-Good.

-Splat stats for the boys.

-Not much to choose between Tyson and Owen.

Tyson has finished second and third,

whereas Owen has come third and first. However, Daniel is the man

on form, he came first in the Moat Challenge and second in the Dungeon.

And now the Splat stats for our remaining girl, Katherine.

Katherine was the fastest girl in Round One

-but she only finished fourth in Round Two.

-Thank you, stop.

Take your hat off.

So, from that we can predict that Daniel is the favourite,

-Katherine...

-Isn't?

I was going to say she has it all to do but is still in with a chance.

Here's our line-up for the final once more.

We have Katherine, Owen, Tyson and Daniel.

It might look like Katherine has an uphill battle to beat three boys

but they've all got a pretty tricky course ahead of them.

And here it is in more detail.

It starts with a trip across the Dire Mire

and Barrier Of All Barriers.

Then it's a teeter-totter over the Terrifying Ts which lead

-to the Scary-go-round.

-Once on, the attackers have to get up

and over the Annihilating Arm before landing on the Gruesome Twosome.

If they get past the Clobbering Cannons

they head down the Royal Ramps and leap onto the Rock Wall.

Then it's a question of climbing to the top

and claiming that all-important Splatalot crown.

It's also just a question of dealing with this lot.

In the final, the attackers will be up against all six defenders

who will defend this castle with their last splat.

We have Kookaburra, Skabb, Vane, Thorne,

Faetal and Madeva who are trying to stop

Katherine in yellow,

Daniel in green, Owen in red and Tyson in yellow and green stripes.

They're off, so the first challenge is the Dire Mire.

-Looking thick and stodgy today.

-Oi!

-The Mire, not you!

-Oh, I see.

Tyson is the first to the Barrier. But he struggles to get over.

Now, Owen makes his move and yes, he's managed it. Who's next?

-Will it be Katherine? No.

-Owen at the Arch.

-Hey, Owen.

He nods and gets a faceful of slime. What a greeting(!)

-Hot favourite Dan is over the barrier.

-Get your splat on!

Owen on the Ts, he's doing well.

Dodges the Water Blast and...yes, he makes it over.

But...dimble-dock!

-Come on!

-Tyson timbers on the Ts and Katherine crumbles.

Yes, these Ts are not everyone's cup of, er...tea.

Owen on the Scary-go-round.

Go on, Owen, show them what you're working with.

The defenders are getting mouthy.

-Hey, Madeva!

-That's right.

-I'll get him down, don't worry.

I don't know what's worse, the splatting or the chatting.

-Ooh, beg your pardon!

-Owen goes for splat over chat

-and takes a trip to the grilk.

-Here's Tyson.

Wait a minute... Banana-wanga! Poor Tyson. It could've been worse,

what if his battlecry had been "doggy doo-dah"?

-You're right.

-So close, yet so far.

Back to the Scary-go-round.

Owen just can't get round the Annihilating Arm.

How about Daniel? While he hangs around, let's check on Katherine.

-Steady, steady.

-SHE SCREAMS

Katherine screams on the Ts.

-Which just adds to the collection.

-SHE SCREAMS

What a scream-fest we've had today.

Back to Tyson at the Annihilating Arm.

He hangs on but...oh, no, here comes Owen.

-This could get splatty.

-And trickle-box!

Back to Katherine still on the Ts.

I do like a soft-shoe shuffle

but this is not the time for tap-dancing, Katherine.

Back to the Scary-go-round

and Owen appears to be trapped on the Annihilating Arm.

Here comes Tyson ready for a rematch. What's he going to do?

Oh, chim-nooka!

-Something tells me that's not what he had in mind.

-Look at this.

After a spell on the Ts, Katherine has made it over.

Tyson now, first to make a leap for the Gruesome Twosome.

Live from the Castle, it's Splaturday Night!

You say it best when you say nothing at all, Thorne.

Owen tries and...splat. So he and Tyson are both in the Moat.

Katherine's making a comeback.

All she needs to do is get past that Annihilating Arm.

Remember, the boys are in the water so this could be her chance.

But look, she's still holding on! She's not letting go!

Something has got to give!

Oh, beedle-eedle-boink-boink!

Well, it looked like Katherine was hanging in there

but now she's got to go back and start from the Scary-go-round.

-Ooh, yummy, yummy!

-Owen now at the Clobbering Cannons.

They certainly live up to their name.

As does the Annihilating Arm, which is still causing

plenty of concern for Katherine.

Owen, however, has made it to the Royal Ramp.

-The defenders really need to step up.

-Owen leaps for victory and...

hoota-malootah!

Now, Katherine has made it over the arm

but she still needs to land back on the Scary-go-round.

Hang on, all this hanging around reminds me of Round One.

She did something similar on the Bridge Of Disaster.

Which is fine but she's still behind the boys.

Speaking of which, here's Tyson

throwing slimeballs at the defenders.

That just allows Daniel to catch up. They're both on the Ramps.

Katherine is still glued on the Annihilating Arm.

She's not really glued to it?

I wouldn't put anything past the defenders.

Tyson leaps and...ooh, shad-sack!

-No-one's made it yet.

-Whoa!

-Kookaburra there turning up the water pressure.

-Not another one!

No, Skabb, it's another two. Be-bobble-whap-whaps!

-It's a double splat from Daniel and Owen.

-But the attackers keep coming.

Tyson and Daniel are ready to take on the Wall again.

Faetal and Madeva need to get defending here.

Tyson leaps and falls once more.

But Daniel's right behind him, can he make it this time?

He steadies himself and leaps and he's made it onto the Wall.

The defenders are trying to loosen his grip with all sorts of slime

-but Daniel's having none of it.

-He's nearly at the top now.

Just a couple more steps. Clever use of the Splatalot logo there.

-And he's over!

-The crown is now literally in his sights

and we have a winner! All hail, King Daniel!

You can let go now, Katherine.

Tyson and Owen did well but there can be only one.

So in the first boys v girls Splatdown,

-the boys have emerged victorious.

-Well played to the girls, too.

Katherine hung in there - quite literally at times.

But all the boys put in strong performances

and eventually our red hot favourite, Daniel, seized the crown.

Let's see who seized the Splat Of The Day.

And it comes from Asvini in the Moat Challenge when she slipped,

splatted and splooshed her way off the Impossible Incline.

But now, it's time to turn our attention

back to the new ruler of Splatalot.

A ruler who's earned his place through three epic tests of...

-Splatty.

-..speed...

-Splatty.

-..strength...

-And splatty.

-..stamina.

King Daniel finished first in the Moat Challenge despite some

spectacular splatting.

He struggled a bit more on the Loathsome Ladder in Round Two

but still managed to capture a flag.

And then in the final, it became a battle royale between the boys

and after a few trips to the Moat, Dan The Man made it

to the top and he stands before us today as the new King of Splatalot.

My first act as King of Splatalot is to have one of you

thrown into the Moat.

I wish I could do it to all of you but today it will be you, Skabb.

-THORNE:

-You rock!

-Bad news for Skabb.

But great news for splat fans everywhere.

Here he is in the Splat-apult. Take it away, Skabb.

You'll pay for this!

You'll pay for this!

You'll pay for this!

Skabb, I'd gladly paid three times over to see you get

splatted in the Moat.

That's all for now so until next time...

-BOTH:

-keep splatting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd