Episode 3 Splatalot

Welcome to S-S-Splatalot!

The magical, mythical kingdom where ten brave young warriors

go head to head with those despicable defenders

as they compete to capture the much treasured Splatalot crown.

Does anyone have an abacus?

Can the defenders keep the castle safe

or will they be overthrown by the attackers?

Their goal is to overcome all obstacles in their way

and ultimately reign supreme. So who will tumble,

who will tilt and who will go - Splat!

-I'm Dick, he's Dom.

-And this is Splatalot!

The medieval mess-fest that's on the lookout for a brand new ruler.

What qualities does this new ruler require?

Well, they need speed, strength, stamina,

courage, bravery and honour.

And they shouldn't get stroppy if they get their hair wet.

-That's me out then.

-They'll need all of these qualities

to conquer the three challenges that await them.

All ten attackers are required to cross the Merciless Moat.

The six fastest then have to ditch the dungeon,

but only the top four will reach the final where many challenges

stand between them and the much treasured Splatalot crown.

Yes, I can see now why the wet hair would be a real problem for me.

Not the challenging obstacles testing you to your very limits?

-Just wet hair?

-Yeah.

-OK, in Round One the Splatapult hurls you into the moat.

-Wet hair!

-then you climb the slippery slope and cross the Mace.

-Wet hair again!

Then down the Impossible Incline and over the beastly Battle-axes.

-Definitely wet hair!

-And once you're over the Bridge of Disaster,

the Debilitating Disc takes you to the finish line.

See, even more wet hair. Otherwise, easy.

If it weren't for getting your hair wet, you'd be up for the challenge?

Absolutely. I'd be all over it.

So the prospect of coming up against this lot wouldn't worry you?

What lot? HE SCREAMS

Yeah, you forgot about the defenders, didn't you?

Defending the moat today we have the incredible crafty -

The incredibly hungry -

And the incredibly scary -

Skabb rule two-one. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing!

-So we have nothing.

-Exactly.

So it's time for Round One. The defenders are in position

and, warming up, let's meet our first attacker Isabella.

Let's ride Unicorns to Alaska!

OK. But first, let's splatapult you into the moat.

I like Isabella already.

I had a unicorn once and it died in this moat.

-Bonjour!

-German, I love it.

No, Kook, it's French for hello. And Isabella says bonjour to the moat.

-Have we still got an emergency unicorn picture handy?

-This one.

Yeah, lovely. Thank you.

See, dreams can come true. Isabelle's now at the incline.

Vane looking typically relaxed today.

-VANE SHOUTS

-Well said, Vane.

What did he just say?

No idea. Isabella ignores him and crosses the axes.

-Whoops!

-Oh, whoops-a-dreadful!

I know what she'll need after that, emergency unicorn coming right up.

-Isabella, can you speak barbarian?

-Not much.

This is what you get when you discriminate against my race!

Ooh! She can't speak barbarian but she fluent in Splatish.

Can you say, "Skabb rules," in Romanian?

SHE SPEAKS ROMANIAN HE REPEATS

You just insulted yourself.

-Hey! Hey!

-Great put-down, Isabella!

Oh! But she follows it up with this splat.

No matter because Isabella finishes in 6:38.

Oh, yeah!

Here's wrestling fan Cameron.

Oh, what a spaltapult!

A superb 360! Tom Daley will be jealous.

Off to a bad start, you missed the target.

-Bring it, Kook!

-Be brave.

-Kaboosh! That paintball got Cameron in the headlock.

-Yes!

Up you climb now. Ohh! Deliri-donks! Splat!

Oh! The! Day!

Cameron's literally on the ropes now. Can he hold on?

Sweet baby flip-flops!

Yes, he wrestled with the Debilitating Disc and the disc won.

Cameron could end up with a winning time. That's an impressive 3:23.

-Look up now.

-Here comes the goo!

Extra thick today. Here's Elyjah.

Dirrrrk!

Apparently, he loves to dance.

It's a perfect pirouette into the moat!

Let's rename the show Strictly Come Splatting.

-MIMICS BRUCE FORSYTH:

-Over to our judge Craig Revel Kookabarra.

-I give that a 9.7.

-Uncharacteristically generous.

On the Mace now...and off it!

Atrocious footwork from Elyjah there, darling.

And he could get marked down

for that ghastly high-kick into the moat.

Vane tries defending standing up this time.

Stay on your feet, Elyjah!

He's been trying to distract him. Yabba-dabba-don't!

That had everything, leaps, slips, and of course splats.

What does Bruno Vanioli make of that performance?

-No!

-Speechless. Unlike our friend Skabb.

-Hey! Jump!

-He literally tells Elyjah to jump in the lake!

Who would argue with Skabb? That time, those moves!

-MIMICS BRUCE FORSYTH:

-Elyjah, you're my favourite.

-That's a good impression.

-Thank you very much, dear.

Marvellous. Marvellous.

When I close my eyes it actually sounds like Tess Daly's in the room.

I was doing Brucie!

Here's our next attacker Brooke-Lynn.

Insert amazing battle cry here!

-Brooke-Lynn, you from New York?

-Oh, yeah.

You like sandwiches with pastrami? How about slime sandwiches?

Vane as usual turns the conversation round to food.

But Brooke-Lynn isn't in a chatty mood.

Prolock! He's hit! Vane wasn't expecting that!

This could be her chance to sneak over the Axes. She just holds on.

Hey, Brooke-Lynn, I heard you always give 100%.

However, if you give 100% and I give 75%,

that means you've got a 25% chance of winning.

-Hang on. 75% for Skabb.

-100% for Brooke-Lynn.

And that only happens 16% of the time.

What?! I need to start again.

-So Skabb's on 75%.

-But only 16% of the time.

Don't forget Brooke-Lynn's 100%.

We're not that good at maths.

Not that good at maths. Correct!

Back to Brooke-Lynn. She's at the Debilitating Disc. Ram-jam-jobs!

Maybe she was thrown by all that maths.

Here are the numbers that count. 5:29!

I'm a zebra!

Not only am I an archer, I'm a trained safari hunter.

I don't think Sarah should worry too much about Vane,

however, she should worry about the Impossible Incline. Shabattio!

She certainly eared her stripes with that splat.

Is this a zebra crossing? No, a zebra splatting!

-Can zebras swim?

-She isn't actually a zebra.

-Oh, yeah.

And Sarah finishes in 7:25.

Here's the leader board.

We're at the halfway stage.

Five attackers down and five more coming up.

It's really exciting cos no-one knows what's going to happen next.

Here's what's happening next.

Plenty more splashing of the highest order.

You know that's not what I meant.

Listen up, I'm going to explain why our current leader Cameron

is already through to Round Two using simple mathematical terms

that even that will understand.

These shapes represent the six attackers

going through to Round Two.

Now, these gingerbread men represent the next five attackers.

-What about the girl attackers?

-I didn't make any gingerbread women.

That's not important. Now, let's say

all of the remaining attackers qualify.

We demonstrate that by filling up five of the places.

That still leaves one spare place

which belongs to the person currently in the lead

and that person is... Oi!

-You're eating Cameron!

-What?!

-He's the current leader.

-You've ruined my demonstration.

-Oh, well. Fancy a leg?

-No, I do not!

-Dom was trying to say

Cameron's through and the others aren't.

Thanks very much!

The defenders are ready on the moat.

So let's meet our next attacker.

I'm the king of the castle!

Nice try, Dustin. You're a really funny guy.

Maybe he's the court jester.

Dustin tries to cross the mace. Mang!

I could be wrong but I don't think this splatty behaviour

is appropriate for our new king.

Have you just opened a new hat shop?

Oh! Dustin's been water blasted! Can he save himself? No!

Hey! Maybe he is the new king. All hail the King of Splats.

Hmm. That doesn't sound all that regal to me.

I'm working on a new sign, it's called the "V".

-Looks like a kookaburra.

-No, this is a bird, this is a V.

Plutals!

Vane down, everybody. Now move!

No, Dustin, not like that. With that time the Splat King's out,

so the real crown's still safe.

And Vane, he's still sulking.

You ain't seen nothing like me yet!

OK, let's see if you can back up that claim

On the Bridge of Disaster.

-Not again!

-I get bored!

The attackers get that treatment all day.

-Move!

-You don't see them sulking,

just splatting like that and loving it.

-You ain't seen nothing like me yet!

-Exactly, Brianna. That's the spirit.

Shame about the time though. Bye-bye, Brianna.

No one gets between me and my crown, so bring it on, defenders!

-OK. Madison also thinks the crown is hers.

-Good job.

One of them has to be right, I suppose.

-Hey!

-Kook fires.

-You missed! Ha!

-How embarrassing.

Indeed, Kook's normally very accurate.

Madison readies herself at the Mace. Quack and splat!

Vane, I hope you're watching. That's how you take a splat.

Madison springs into action but splats off the Mace!

Another top splat. The attackers are really on form today.

Oh, here we go. He really is the biggest wimp.

I don't know how to say this, but I'm in a great deal of pain.

Sure, Vane, so why are you still sliming attackers?

-Vane, you're a real trooper.

-I can get through pain.

-Vane makes it through pain!

-Oh, really?

Klack-macket!

Madison keeps impressing with her splataciousness!

Argh!

-When in doubt hose them out.

-Is that a well-known phrase?

And Madison clocks 7:37. That might just be too...slow.

-I will be king!

-Not another one.

To be fair that's what they all want.

Darren picks up a stray slime ball!

Ow! What are you, a baseball player?!

-Yep.

-Ah.

Don't see Kook lost for words very often.

Darren's easily across the mace,

but can he out the brakes on? Shanazwa!

You build up too much speed, then it's too much splat!

Too much speed then it's too much splat?!

-That's worse than Skabb's when in doubt hose it out.

-Sorry.

-How old are you, kid? Man? Uncle?

-You're a big boy, man!

Darren shuts out the taunting, but his brakes fail him again.

And that just goes to prove you're never too old to splat.

-Well done, that's much better.

-Thank you.

And with that time, Darren's majestic dreams remain intact.

I own this castle!

Here's Brendan. Been told he owns the castle. No, he doesn't.

-Vane, this guy owns the castle.

-See.

-Come on!

-As you can see the Mace roll has eight points.

It's been refurbished, so this is new.

Don't shoot me. Stop it!

That's the plumbing. We're working on that.

And after all that nonsense, Brendan takes ownership of the moat.

-He'll love it.

-A bit damp in places though.

These are my battle-axes. This is how I cut my sandwiches.

Trocula-panic! Wow! What just happened?!

Well, Kook took another cheeky pop at Vane

and at the same time Brendan got water blasted.

Not only that, but he did a full cartwheel into the moat.

-That was pretty good.

-Vane doesn't agree, he's sulking again.

-Back to Brendan at the bridge.

-I'm having a bad day.

-Can I go inside?

-No, I need some time here.

Feels like another trap to me.

-HOLLERS

-Wiki-belly-floppier!

And it was a trap.

-But with that great time, Brendan is through.

-Sorry, boss.

How fitting that we leave

the defenders and attackers arguing with each other.

That was a fantastic first round.

It was close too, four of the attackers are within 30 seconds

of each other as we can see now on the leader board.

Through to Round Two are -

So our Splatalot journey is hotting up.

Our six remaining attackers are one step closer to the throne,

but two of them are about to take a backward step.

Yes, in Round Two we'll lose another pair of attackers.

So it really is survival of the splatist!

The four fastest attackers are within 30 seconds of each other

in the Moat challenge and they were all boys.

-Right, so where you going with this?

-Well, only four attackers

can survive the next round,

so those four boys are favourites to go through.

Those two girls must be a little bit worried right now.

Yes, but the first round was against the clock,

this time they're up against each other

and those two girls are fighters.

Who can forget Isabella's rousing battle cry?

-"Let's all ride unicorns to Alaska!"

-Bad example.

Who could forget Brooke-Lynn's rousing battle cry.

-Insert amazing battle cry here!

-I doubt the boys' were any better.

Wrong! Their battle cries even formed a sentence.

"I will be king!"

"Dirkkkkk!"

"Oh, yeah!"

-"And I own the castle!"

-OK.

A pie says that one of those girls will make it to the final.

You're on.

-Here's a reminder of the two terrific girls and four beastly boys.

-Hey!

-We have the incredible Isabella.

-The amazing Elyjah.

-The all-conquering Cameron.

-The brilliant Brooke-Lynn.

The dynamic Darren and the brilliant Brendan.

-I've already used "brilliant."

-All right then,

the blennophobic Brendan.

Brendan the blennophobic. I like the sound of that.

-What does it mean?

-No idea. I just made it up.

Moving on. Time to show you what Round Two is all about.

To Ditch the Dungeon the attackers must escape the Stock Market,

cross the Splatwalk and climb up the Loathsome Ladder.

They must head to the top,

but the defenders will be on hand to stop them.

The game concludes when all four flags

at the top of the dungeon have been claimed.

Let's meet the defenders.

-That's what I call a Faetal distraction.

-She's scary.

-Baby!

-She's scarier!

-Who ordered the pain cane?

-He's scariest!

It's Faetal, Thorne and Madeva who make up the dungeon defence.

So the attackers have been sent down to the dungeon

and they've been secured in the stocks.

There's Cameron, Isabella, Brendan, Brooke-Lynn,

Darren and Elyjah.

The defenders are also in position so let battle commence.

And they're off!

Once out of the Stocks they head to the gate and the Splatwalk.

And the foaming begins.

Their first attempt up the Loathsome Ladder.

And there's the first slide down!

Brendan led the way but not for long.

He pretty much takes everyone with him.

Slipping on the Splatwalk. Great moves from Elyjah there.

Don't forget his backing dancers, Darren and Cameron.

You the ready man, girl!

Madeva looks a little laid back today.

-What light through yonder window breaks?

-Oh, my goodness!

-What's this?

-Cameron's quoting Romeo and Juliet.

And it looks like Faetal has fallen for it.

The attackers can be sneaky too.

It might have backfired as it's woken Madeva up.

She's really splatting Elyjah with that foam.

And down he goes. Down they all go! Slipapoolooza!

And that's the beauty of this round, the attackers can look like

they're doing fine and in an instant they're back where they started.

-More smooth moves from Elyjah again.

-Where's Cameron?

What's Faetal up to with Cameron?

So sweet of you, but you're going to have to impress me.

She's challenging Cameron to impress her.

This might be his chance

with an avalanche of attackers coming his way.

-Brilliant!

-It certainly impressed me. Great leaping from Cameron!

-You're a tall drink of water.

-The calm before the splat?

-You get down!

-Get on up, you get down!

There's the up...and there's the down.

Brooke-Lynn takes Cameron all the way down with her.

I've swept you off your feet!

Cameron sprinting back up! Oh, but he's down again.

Things aren't going his way!

What's this coming his way.

-It's got the attackers worried.

-Go back down!

-This is what I call the purple play.

-Here it comes!

And straight away the play takes out Cameron,

Elyjah soon follows and collides with Isabella.

-And they both end up in the moat.

-Cappuccino, babies! Extra foam!

-Madeva likes frothy coffee.

-Two sugars in mine.

-Is this guy a sea monkey?!

-Thorne's getting rattled

because the attacker are almost at the top.

He tries to stop them with a pike. Brooke-Lynn just hangs on.

-She's not happy.

-I feel like Santa.

-She's telling Santa, you bad boy!

-Kildar, help us!

He can't save you now, he's back in Handsomeville.

Whump-manja! Brendan's second cartwheel of the day.

We should start calling them splatwheels.

And he finishes with a super slide along the Splatwalk

-How dare you!

-Thorne's under pressure again.

Elyjah makes his move.

Thorne resists but Elijah is over and onto the platform.

So we have our first finalist.

He claims his flag and is the first boy over.

-Plenty time for the girls yet.

-Three attackers in a line.

-And Brendan joins them.

-I love you!

Cameron already has my love.

And Brendan pays for his cheek with a pike-poke back down the ladder.

He takes innocent Isabella with him! They go slip sliding away!

Oh, no! Surely not!

-It's the... BOTH:

-Ball of Doom!

Look out, Darren, it's behind you.

At least he's colour-coordinated.

That's all right then.

Madeva and Thorne team up to try and dislodge Cameron.

Even Faetal joins in. And back down the ladder he goes.

-Yah!

-Yes!

Faetal with the slime ball!

Didn't your mom ever tell you not to throw stuff?

-No, she never did.

-Well, she should have, Faetal.

Brendan makes his move now. Thorne tries to stop him!

But then he has to deal with Cameron as well!

And they've both broken through!

Three boys, Dick! Can you feel the pie in your face?!

You've got egg on yours, because that's Brooke-Lynn.

She's the fourth finalist. Round Two is complete!

Brilliant! Just the Slide of Shame to go. There's Darren and Isabella.

How shaming. The finalists wave their flags.

-You let me down, Darren.

-I disagree.

I think he contributed to a wonderful round and result.

I bet you do.

The four attackers making it through to the final

are splat wheeling Brendan, smooth mover Elyjah,

sneaky Shakespearian Cameron and my favourite Brooke-Lynn.

So three boys and one girl through. What a fantastic round, eh, mate?

-Well, I was enjoying it, right until the very end.

-Funny that.

I was pretty nervous until the very end.

And there's plenty more nervous enjoyment to come

as the attackers splattle it out to become champion.

-Pie time?

-No!

How about a quick splat stat attack first, eh?

On balance, Brooke-Lynn and Brendan have outside chances,

but it's very close between Elyjah and Cameron.

Cameron has finished first and third so far,

but Elyjah has a first and second to his name.

So, he just edges it as the tournament favourite.

-Now?

-No!

I think we need another recap on who's through to the final, yes?

-We have Elyjah.

-Now?

-No.

-Brooke-Lynn.

-Now?

-No.

-Brendan.

-Now?

-No!

And Cameron.

How about now?

-Yeah, now's good.

-Here's the final round in more detail.

Here's how to capture the crown.

First a trip to the Dire Mire and the barrier of all barriers.

The terrifying Ts then lead to the Scary-Go-Round,

but beware the wrecking ball we call the Splacken.

The Gruesome Twosome are next then the Clobbering Cannons.

Then a walk down the Royal Ramps and a leap onto the Rock Wall.

And, at the top, is the prize,

that all-important Splatalot crown.

But the course is only half the problem facing the attackers.

They also have to get past the defenders, all six of them.

Madeva's sliming, Thorne's vaporising,

Kook and Faetal are on cannons,

Skabb's on the equaliser and... Where's Vane?

He's sulking after Kook splattered him in Round One.

But there's no way he was injured.

The only thing he really hurt was his pride.

He can hurt the defender's chances,

cos they're now a man down.

Back to the attackers.

Cameron's blue, Brendan's red,

Elyjah's orange and Brooke-Lynn

has the red and blue check.

They're off! They head round the bend to the Dire Mire.

And Cameron and Brendan get stuck!

Elyjah takes advantage and is the first over the barrier.

-Wait for me!

-Is that Vane?

I'm late, I slept in!

You did a great job. You're awesome, dude.

And a rather sheepish Vane tries to make friends.

Better late than never, I suppose.

Look at this! Attackers are showing the defenders how to get along.

Blast them, Vane! Attack the defenders! Come on, now!

I just woke up. Stop yelling at me, dude.

I think that proves my point.

-But Vane redeems himself and Elyjah takes a fall.

-That's what I need.

I sleep in and I get a little bit of action.

Here's Brendan looking good, looking good, oh, but pond frog!

Well, you've got to hand it to Brendan.

He really puts his heart and soul into his splats.

Elyjah has another go, and oh!

Less of a splat, more of a split.

Yes, he leaves his left foot behind and down he goes.

Here comes Cameron, there goes Cameron.

To tease or not to tease.

Well, it is starting to look like a Shakespearean tragedy

as Brooke-Lynn also splats spectacularly into the moat.

Brendan leaps, oh, but doesn't land.

Well, he does land, he lands in the moat.

-Elyjah's now at the Annihilating Arm.

-Hang on, attack!

Elyjah takes her advice,

but how long can he hang on for?

Just about that long.

And down he goes into the bilge.

Oh, and it looks like Brooke-Lynn's called it a day.

Brooke-Lynn, you're still my favourite.

Back to the Scary-Go-Round.

Brendan and Madeva are having a spat.

That's bound to lead to a splat!

That's it, Brendan, lose the goggle goo.

Cameron leaps and lands.

Elyjah and Brendan at the arm.

Cameron joins them, and picks up Brendan on the way.

How nice for Brendan, who now heads over to the Gruesome Twosome.

He leaps and... Anchovy seeker!

Wow, even more acrobatic shenanigans from Brendan!

Oh, Elyjah's forgotten to let go!

Yes, this time he hung on for too long.

The defenders are enjoying themselves,

but they need to look out for Brendan.

Oh, the Splacken! Yes, Brendan gets well and truly splackened.

He needs to get flat, otherwise he's going to get splackened again.

No time to lie down on the job, mate.

Brendan takes Thorne's advice on board, then jumps overboard!

Another top splat!

Cameron manages to avoid the Splacken.

Swampo! But Brendan can't avoid that goo grenade!

He hangs on for a moment, but he's down!

Brendan is the first attacker today to receive a Cannon Clobbering.

Elyjah leaps and he makes his landing on the Gruesome Twosome.

Meanwhile, Kook slimes Brendan. I hope he's not blennophobic.

-That's my made-up word!

-No, it exists.

Blennophobia. The fear of slime. Look it up.

Oh, devil flop!

Faetal gives Cameron a crafty nudge!

Yes, Faetal, we all saw what you did!

Skabb showers Brendan. Will that put him off his heroic leap?

Here he goes, and nimbolio!

The defenders can't relax.

The attackers are now queuing up on the ramp.

Elyjah's next. He steps onto the wall and sticks to it.

The defenders need to step up a gear,

cos he's only a few steps away from the crown.

Brendan has another go, but it's the same result.

I can't see anybody stopping Elyjah, now.

Other than himself.

Bosh-pondy!

Cameron now. Oh, water snorter!

I do not know.

Believe it or not, Brendan gets a third chance

and this time he makes it.

The defenders go for an all-out slime attack,

but he's sticking to the wall like glue! Much to their frustration.

Cameron now prepares for another leap.

It looks like it's not to be for him.

The glue's come unstuck and Brendan's down.

So Elyjah also gets another chance.

Can he do better this time?

The defenders are trying to dislodge him with showers and slime,

-but this time he hangs on and he's made it over.

-Yes!

There's a new king in town and his name is Elyjah!

Oh, look, all's forgiven in love and splat!

Yes, Cameron had his chance,

-but no-one can take it away from our new king.

-Not even you, Brendan.

What an amazing final.

It's rare for three attackers to make it to the wall,

plus they each had at least two chances to climb it.

Elyjah practically climbed it twice, so he just about deserved it.

But, you've got to feel sorry for Cameron

and especially Brendan who led for most of the way.

He still might walk away with something.

And he does.

Yes, who can forget Brendan's amazing cartwheel in Round Two.

-So good we had to give it a name.

-Is the world ready for the splat wheel?

Is the world ready for Brendan?

But, let's turn our attention to the new king of Splatalot.

Yes, here's Elyjah's journey to the crown.

In the Merciless Moat, he came a cropper on the Beastly Choppers,

but picked himself up and finished in style.

In Round Two, he struggled at first in the Dungeon Foam,

slips led to slides and they led to splats,

but he was the first to claim a flag.

And in the final, he literally stretched himself to the limits

and despite some serious competition, he deservedly became our new king.

So, let's hear his first proclamation.

My first act, as king of Splatalot,

is to have one of you thrown into in the moat.

I wish it could be all of you, but today it will be you, Faetal.

LAUGHTER

It really couldn't happen to a nicer lady.

Elyjah is right, they should all be thrown in.

Well, it's been another top-quality splat fest.

And we'll do it again soon.

But, for now, we'll leave you with the Splatapult ceremony.

Take it away, Faetal.

I forgive you!

That's all for now, so, until next time, keep splatting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd