Episode 4 Splatalot

Welcome to Splatalot!

We've invited ten brave young warriors

to enter the messiest kingdom in the land,

to go head-to-head with those despicable defenders,

as they compete to capture the much-prized Splatalot crown.

Kids at home, if I can give you any advice, it's just, give up!

Will the defenders succeed

in protecting their precious crown and castle,

or will the attackers overthrow them,

and in the end, reign victorious?

Who will tumble, who will tilt, who will teeter,

and above all, who will go...

-DICK AND DOM:

-Splat!

Hello, Splat fans, one and all.

But especially, you! He's Dick.

-He's Dom.

-And this is Splatalot,

the ultimate game show

set in a majestic, mythical kingdom

where good and evil do battle.

Evil? You know the defenders aren't actually that evil?

They're more annoying than evil.

And some of the attackers can be a little bit cheeky.

Right, OK, so it's a majestic, mythical kingdom,

-where the cheeky and annoying do battle?

-Yes.

Brilliant! Here's what's coming up.

Round one is the Merciless Moat,

where only the six fastest will survive.

Round two is Ditch the Dungeon,

where we ditch two more attackers.

Leaving four finalists in the round we call Capture the Crown,

because that's precisely what they need to do.

Here's that Merciless Moat in more detail.

It begins with a double whammy

-of baffling barrels and piercing pellets.

-Lovely!

Once you've been baffled and pierced,

you can slip up the slippery slope and roll over the rolling mace.

The Impossible Incline awaits, and then, if you've got this far,

you are rewarded with the Beastly Battleaxes.

A well-balanced, patient approach is required on the Bridge Of Disaster.

But don't waver when you reach the Wavering Warhead,

as it leads to the finish line and potential glory.

Don't start celebrating just yet,

cos there's one more thing to add to this challenge.

-Ice cream and hundreds and thousands?

-Not exactly.

It's this lot. The defenders.

Don't they look lovely together?!

In round one, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

we have the inhumane Vane,

the thoughtless Thorne,

and finally, it's the ever-so-feisty Faetal.

What a line-up!

Watch your back!

And your face!

And your gut!

So, over to the court. On the splatter batter, we have Vane,

on vaporisers, Thorne, and on the aqualizer, Faetal.

Hello, first attacker!

Hello, I'm Tim!

Now give me the crown!

-Manners, Timothy!

-Say please!

-Spla-tangar!

-Well, he can't at the moment.

He's got a mouthful of moat juice.

-Run, Timmy, run!

-No, Timmy, no!

And...dogo-boody-bird!

Whoa! Air cadet down! Eagle down!

Vane gets lippy, but air cadet, Timmy rises above it.

He's at the Incline.

So, Tim, I hear you do a pretty good impression of me. Is that right?

I'm Thorne! Grrr!

Now, I find that a pretty inaccurate portrayal of me!

I'm inclined to agree!

Porky-worky-wit-woff!

Looks like the Incline is inclined to agree with you too!

Well, Tim took on Thorne,

which left a bad impression, and resulted in a simple splat.

PLANE and simple!

Plane...he's an air cadet, see?

-I'm OK!

-For now, maybe!

Tim, yet to make it over an obstacle without getting wet.

Will he succeed on the Battleaxes?

Oh, mundo-dropsquit!

So, Dick, you asked if Tim would succeed on the Battleaxes.

We can now reveal the correct answer is...mundo-dropsquit!

Hey, Timothy! Do air cadets always wear pink?

More put-downs from the unfriendly Faetal.

Urgh, and that's a near Faetal blow to Tim's chances,

cos he's back in the moat again.

Splat!

What's next for poor Tim?

-Uh-oh! Look out! Movie dunkers!

-Scoochy-scur!

Tim doesn't look to happy about that!

Take flight, Timothy!

Faetal does her worst,

but Tim seems to have left the best till last

as he flies over the finish line.

He really IS an air cadet!

Tim's time is a pretty reasonable 7.56,

and that's put a smile back on his...

Towel for Timothy! Next, please!

YOLO!

-DICK AND DOM:

-YOLO!

You only live once, but how many times will you splat, John?

Onto the Baffling Barrels. Not baffling yet. Not baffling yet.

-Now they are.

-Gwipsy-down-down!

John gets up close and personal with barrel number three.

Ah, look! It's a splat at first sight! Lovely!

So, will he find true love on the Incline?

Ohh...ohh...crazy-legs-begby!

Well, it's a classic love story.

Boy meets Incline, boy falls for Incline,

boy falls down Incline,

boy gets a kisser on the noggin.

You know how they say that love can be cruel?

-Well, that's why!

-Come on now, pull yourself together!

Oh, dear, and it just keeps getting worse for John.

Nothing to love about 16.05.

And then he gets dumped on from a great height!

Oh, this game is heartbreaking!

Supersplat-a-tat-a-licious!

Ooh, what a great word! How do you spell it?

-S-U-P-E...exactly how it sounds.

-Hey, Celeste,

does your mum happen to have a crush on somebody in the castle?

Yeah!

-Gildar.

-Oh.

Ah, I don't think that was the answer

Vane was looking for.

"Gildar" shouldn't be the answer

anyone is looking for!

Can Celeste recover from this embarrassing revelation?

Your mum has a crush on Gildar, but I'm going to crush you, Celeste.

I don't think anyone's ever had a crush on Thorne.

Celeste on the Battleaxes...

ding-dong, paddle time!

Yes, who needs threats from Thorne

when you've got the menacing Battleaxes?

Even the axe blade's getting in on the action!

But despite the threats, taunts, and splats,

Celeste is serene with a time of 9.02.

I don't think she even noticed that slime shower!

Here's the next attacker, Danielle.

Ooh, drinky-poos!

Wiggle! Wiggle! Wiggle! Yeah!

A battle cry that would scare any defender to the core!

-Here she is at the Battleaxes.

-Do you like that?

-Thorne, pouring on the slimy charm.

-How about that?

-He's sliming for fun now!

-That's his job!

Come on!

-Hey, it's harder than it looks!

-She's right.

And just to prove it, fatticus slam-dunk! What a splat!

But daring Danielle picks herself up and heads for the bridge.

Hi, Danielle.

Let's see that Wiggle! Wiggle! Wiggle!

Wiggle! Wiggle! Wiggle!

-I'm OK!

-Yes, she's OK for now.

But there's a load of water coming right at her!

Whap-a-lap! And Danielle wiggle, wiggle, wiggles off the bridge.

She crosses the finishing line in 16.9.

Not too sure if that's enough to wiggle into the next round, though.

I'm a hungry, hungry hippo!

No, Judy. You're a stripy, stripy zebra.

Here we go. Wocka!

So, if Judy is not a hippo, then who is?

The splatty, splatty barrel, that's who.

Ah, thank you very much!

Onto the rolly, rolly mace.

But even if she had flappy, flappy wings,

she'd still be heading for the wetty, wetty water.

Onto the Impossibly-wossibly Incline.

-Where even a chimpy, chimpy tail can't save her.

-Please stop now!

-Does your silly, silly head hurty-hurty-hurt?

-Shut up!

And Judy finishes in 11.07,

but will that be enough to qualify?

Let's check out the leader board.

Tim's demand for the crown

might have lacked manners,

but you can't argue with that time of 7.56.

Meanwhile, Danielle might have to wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, home

as 16.09 is the slowest time so far

and puts her in the danger zone.

But this round is far from over.

Another group of brave young warriors

still have their eyes on the prize.

Yes, in the wonderful words of the first half attacker, Celeste,

it's going to get supersplat-a-tat-a-licious!

So we're halfway through round one,

and this is an extremely exciting part of the show,

-because no-one can tell who's going to go through.

-I can.

Plus, I can tell you who's going to win the crown.

How are you going to do that?

Well, I've got predictive text.

Really? That's brilliant!

I thought predictive text

-was just something that corrected spelling mistakes.

-Oh...oh, no!

If you text me the names of all the attackers,

then this little beauty will predict the winner!

Oh, great! So who have we had so far, then?

Why don't you check out the names on the leader board?

-PHONE BLEEPS

-Oh, look!

My phone predicts we're going to see that any time...now!

Yes, Tim's in the lead,

followed by Celeste, Judy,

John, and Danielle, who's bringing up the rear.

-Did you get all the names down?

-Yes, but what about the rest?

We'll have to type them as we go. Back to the course.

The defenders are in position, and we're ready for the second half.

-What's this? It's a best friend battle!

-Well, they WERE best friends.

Sarah, you're going down!

In your dreams, Heather!

OK, let's start with Heather on the mace. Splaggle-waggles!

Now, how about Sarah?

Splaggle-waggles!

Well, just like true best friends, nothing can separate them so far.

Heather's down the incline. Swot-nots!

Time for Sarah to have a go. She's also down the incline.

It's another swot-nots! This is uncanny! Their rounds are identical!

You know what, I think this exactly what it would be like

-if we did the course together.

-Yes...

-BOTH:

-Except, I'd win!

So, in the battle of the best friends,

Heather eventually left Sarah behind,

but I doubt either of those times

will be good enough to qualify for round two

Here's attacker number eight, Brandon,

who's already looking good on the rolling mace.

I will raid this castle!

Sounds like Brandon means business!

-Let's see what he's like on the bridge.

-Come on, Brandon!

I hear you're a tornado! How do you like a rainstorm?

Apparently, "Tornado" is Brandon's nickname.

Well, it's apt, because this tornado

is finding the Moat Challenge a breeze.

Just the Wavering Warhead to go.

-Faetal's doing her best to put him off.

-But he's having none of it!

And he's over! Well done, Brandon!

Save the water, Faetal! There are two more attackers yet!

And Brandon finishes with the fastest time so far.

5.03. How cool is that?

Oh, dear! And that's a lesson for attackers everywhere!

Even when you finish, this course will give you a right good splatting!

Remember that in round two, Brandon.

Raiders!

Here's Brent.

Onto the Barrels, and...algae-eater!

Hey, Brent! You splat real good, boy!

Brent ignores Vane's weird accent, and is doing well on the mace,

but...krunk!

Y'all done notice?

Bud has been a little bit of a DUD!

Thorne, come on!

JAUNTY MUSIC

Looks like Thorne and Vane haven't quite bonded yet!

Back to the course, Brent is on the Incline.

Down he goes, and...moota-tutu!

And the replay shows Brent is seriously sliding before he splats.

Well, his time's pretty serious too.

6.00 guarantees Brent a place in the second round.

In fact, if we check the Moat Challenge leader board,

we can see that leaves Brent

in a very strong position indeed, because...

Hold on a second! Hold on a minute!

I think you're getting way ahead of yourself here.

That's nine attackers. There's another one to go yet.

Yeah, but look, I counted to...ah!

Here's 10th attacker, Matthew.

Where's my crown?!

It's not yours yet, Matty!

Hey, buddy, try and get me!

Oh, dearie me! Vane's asleep on the job!

Which means Matthew can reach the Incline with ease.

Oh, ya-honga!

He reaches the moat with ease too!

-That hurt!

-I think he means his pride, more than anything else.

I mean, if you can't get past a sleeping defender, then...

DICK SNORES

THUNK!

What just happened?!

-Did that wake you up, Matthew?

-Oh, yeah!

-Maybe that's what YOU need.

-I don't know about that,

but it's certainly what Vane could do with. Look at him!

Hey, Vane! It's dinner time!

What? Whose dinner?

Funny, or sad? You decide.

Back to Matt on the bridge. Ta-wang-mangu!

Did that shower wake him up, or shake him up?

Well, that time of 9.17 has certainly perked him up,

-because that's good enough to get through.

-Yes!

So, here's the leader board.

Going through to Ditch the Dungeon are:

Brandon, Brent, Tim, Celeste, Matt, and Judy.

PHONE BLEEPS Ah, that'll be my text!

So did your phone predict those six names?

-Yes, yes it did.

-Ah, brilliant!

And this is the challenge that awaits them.

My phone predicts a splat-fest.

So it's time for our second round, Ditch The Dungeon.

Yes, Splatalot has reached new despicable depths,

as this challenge starts beneath the castle walls.

There we are. I've just sent you a text

with the names of the attackers from this round. What happens now?

Well, we wait for the text to come through,

and my phone will predict who will win.

Well, I think Brandon's in with a good chance, actually.

And Brent's not far behind. Oh, and then there's Celeste...

-PHONE BLEEPS

-No, don't worry about that.

That's just my, er...Auntie Pam.

Yes, anyway, we really shouldn't delay

with the start of the next round.

What we can definitely predict right now

is that four of the following will be going through to the final.

Brandon, Brent,

Tim, Celeste,

Matthew, and Judy.

-Anything?

-No!

-Anything?

-No!

-Anything?

-No!

Here's round two in more detail.

Way down in the dungeon, you must escape the stocks,

then head across the Splatwalk

and finally, ascend the Loathsome Ladder.

Sounds easy, but the defenders will be pelting you all the way

with every slimy substance known to the kingdom.

The goal is to escape the dungeon and capture one of four flags.

If you do, then, my friend, you're in the final!

-Anything?

-No!

-Anything?

-No!

-Anything?

-No!

Now, look, look, can we not just watch round two first?

What, and check the prediction after the results?

-Yes?

-OK!

Right, let's meet the defenders for round two.

It's that fiery, feathered fiend called...

Kookaburra!

Then we have this little bundle of energy.

He's actually quite a lovely chap when you get to know him.

Skabb!!

Finally, by day, she's simply called Eva,

but if you dare to make angry, she becomes...

-Madeva!

-Mad Eva...makes sense.

-THEY WHISPER

-Beware of the Balls Of Doom.

Beware the Balls Of Doom.

-HE YELLS

-Beware of the Balls Of Doom!

So, the attackers are in the Stock Market.

Brent's in green.

Judy has zebra stripes.

Matt's red, Brandon's orange,

Celeste's in green and yellow,

and Tim's gritty in pink.

And the defenders look lean and mean. SKABB ROARS

All right, thank you, Skabb!

-KLAXON

-Oh, yeah! Yes!

I'm not sure what Kookaburra is agreeing with,

but he has to agree the attackers are off to a great start.

Yeah, but here comes the foam!

-Slidey-licious!

-A slight variation

on Celeste's battle cry there from Madeva.

and funnily enough, Celeste's the only one still on her feet.

Splatzoid! Well, now she's off her feet!

Yes, Kookaburra using the slimeballs to great effect.

Zupingo! Surely Tim can't take much more of this!

And down the ladder he goes.

Kook showing off! Well, I suppose, if you've got it, splat it!

So, they're pretty much all back where they started.

Back on the Splatwalk. Lovely!

Oi, Celeste, what's up?

I was slimed by Kookaburra!

You need to sell that stuff on the interweb!

Eurgh! Would you buy Kookaburra's slime online?

Absolutely not! I only use Skabb's.

Go on back down, now!

Medeva's froth-brother is really doing what it should.

Namely, frothing and brothing!

Kids at home, if I can give you any advice, it's just, give up.

Thank you, Kook!

Oh, Judy!

-Yamnuts!

-Yo, zebra!

Double yamnuts! Kookaburra making full use of the Vile Volley.

Down go Judy and Tim!

Ah, yes, the Vile Volley. It fires a volley of vile volleyballs!

-Volley good!

-Yeah, they pack quite a punch! Just ask Judy!

So, who's going to get to the top of this ladder first?

Look out, Bird! I've got something special for you, Bird!

And Brent, or Bird, as Kookaburra prefers to call him,

takes a long trip back down the ladder. Oh, towanga-mangu!

Welcome to slime and ladders!

Climb the ladder, and get slimed back to the bottom again.

Wof! Wof! Wof! Brent takes out Brandon!

-Uh-oh!

-Skabb!

It's Balls Of Doom time! Ohh!

You feel that shake?

-Balls Of Doom!

-Balls Of Doom!

-Balls Of Doom!

-Balls Of...oof!

..Doom!

Look, there it is! The Ball of Doom!

-THEY SCREAM

-Skabb strikes!

-Load 'em up again!

-How many Balls of Doom are there?!

Here comes another!

And yet again, Brent takes the brunt of the Doom Ball damage.

-Strike!

-Skabb's on the ball today!

Celeste is near the top!

-Celeste, say, "Ahh!"

-SHE SCREAMS

No, Celeste, you've got to go lower. Oh, I see you have!

HE YELLS

Kookaburra really doesn't want Brandon to capture a flag!

The young attacker is holding on, but Kookaburra finds a way

and down goes Brandon, panda-hands!

Yes, it's all heading in the wrong direction.

Brandon's down, then Celeste was down. What's up, people?

Matt, that's what. Look at him go!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

No, no, no, no, no!

Tim's at the top now, but not for long.

Oh, and down he goes, into the dregs.

Ah, now, this looks more promising.

It's brave Brent who is the brunt no longer.

He claims the first flag and the first place in the final!

And despite Medeva's last-ditch attempts,

Judy joins Brent at the top. Who will be next out of the dungeon?

Only time will tell!

Well, it was looking good for Celeste,

but there she goes again in spectacular style!

Oh, and I think we have our third finalist! Matt makes it to the top.

-So one flag remains.

-And it looks like Brandon is going to claim it.

He's climbing hard, he just about crawls over

ahead of a very tired-looking Tim.

So, that's the end of the game!

We have our four finalists.

Come up here, I'll help you up...psyche!

Naughty Skabb! Been nice to Celeste!

Here's Tim's slide of shame.

Looks quite nice, actually. Not that shameful at all.

The four finalists celebrate

and take in the majestic kingdom

that could be theirs very soon indeed.

Ooh, what's this?

Five, six, seven, eight!

Da-na-na-na-na, shimmy-shimmy!

-Da-na-na-na-na, shimmy-shimmy!

-Yeah, not awkward at all!

I can't wait for Splatalot: The Musical!

-Kookaburra would be a sensation!

-Sensation!

Let's look at the leader board.

Heading into the final with a chance to rule Splatalot

are Brent, Judy, Matt, and Brandon.

Anything?

-PHONE BLEEPS

-Oh, yes! Would you believe it?

Phone's right again! Oh, brilliant!

Only one more text and we will know who's champion!

Look, it's not my fault he's one bar short of a signal!

So, stick around for our Capture The Crown splat-tacular.

-And don't forget Dom's amazing phone predictions.

-Yeah...

So, it's time for a Splat Stat Attack.

-What about the phone prediction?

-Splat Stats first.

Brent is the strongest attacker. He's finished third and first so far.

Judy's improved, and so has Matt, but Brandon's struggling.

He was first in round one, but fourth in round two.

OK, prediction time!

-Look, mate! I can't do it.

-I know.

-You do?

-Well, of course I know.

We can't ruin the final for the audience, can we?

Tell you what, I'll look after this

-and reveal the answer when it's all over.

-But..!

Here's a reminder of our final four attackers.

Competing for the much-treasured Splatalot crown

are Brent, Judy, Matt and Brandon.

Dom already knows who's going to win,

but it will be exciting to watch, because of this lot.

Skabb, Madeva, Vane,

Thorne, Faetal, and Kookaburra.

Then, to add even more drama, there's the course itself.

This is what stands between the attackers and the crown.

They start with a trip across the Dire Mire,

then it's across the barrier of all barriers,

the tough-to-tackle Terrifying Tees

then lead to the aptly-named Scary-Go-Round.

Once on board, they must avoid the Annihilating Arm,

before landing on the Gruesome Twosome.

Then they have to tiptoe past the Clobbering Canons,

leap onto the Royal Ramps,

then claim the rock wall to victory,

where the all-important crown awaits the victorious attacker.

-The defenders look ready to defend!

-That's what they do best!

Kiss on this for luck? Fantastic.

KLAXON

And here come the attackers!

Brent's in green, Brandon's in orange,

Judy's in zebra stripes, and Matt's in red.

So the first test looms in the Dire Mire,

but Matt has no problem at all with the barrier.

And he'll be the first to make it through the gate.

-Kookaburra there is the welcoming committee.

-But Matt shrugs it off!

And look at him go! He breezes over the Terrifying Tees with ease.

Can Brandon do the same? Well, it's less elegant, but he's over.

Back to the Mire. Brent and Judy having a dire time there.

Brandon and Matt now take a leap of faith onto the Scary-Go-Round.

Brandon doing well, as he negotiates Annihilating Arm.

Crack-a-whack! Negotiations didn't go too well for Matt, though.

Brandon didn't help much.

He stuck his foot out and sent Matt head over heels into the mud.

Back to Brent and Judy. Brent tries the Tees and zoo-barra-mundy!

Where's Judy? There's Judy. Double zoo-barra-mundy!

Yes, the Terrifying Tees

tease another two Titanic splats out of our attackers.

They both take a trip into the gamungi.

Brandon now leaps majestically, and he's over the Annihilating Arm.

-Can Matt did the same?

-Yoo-hoo!

Pretty scary battle cry there from Faetal.

And more majestic leaping from Brandon. Is this a sign?

Is he destined for magisterial duties?

Not quite so majestic from Matt,

but he does get a right royal rinsing in the moat.

Hey, how about a little plaque removal?

Ooh, dental humour always puts my teeth on edge!

Brent's now at the Annihilating Arm.

Can he get over it? No, he can't.

Splottomsberg!

Brandon hasn't put a foot wrong in this round. Rumcorn!

-MADEVA CHUCKLES

-That's how I do!

We'd practically put the crown on Brandon's head,

but Madeva clobbered him into the sauce,

which means the race is wide open again.

Jumping Judy! She's made it to the Scary-Go-Round.

Someone wake Judy up!

This really is no time for a nap, Judy!

You've got a kingdom to conquer!

This area could probably be a little more slippery.

Only if you want people to slip, Vane!

I think that's the intention! Ring-ollo!

Yes, it would seem Brandon

is finding the last section of this course particularly gruelling.

Bye-bye, Brandon!

Meanwhile, it looks like Judy's still asleep on the job.

Oh, but she's now ready to make her move!

She readies herself for the leap

onto the Gruesome Twosome and...cammy-plop!

Well, Jumping Judy, I like,

but Holding-On-And-Not-Splatting Judy needs some work.

Now it's time for Brent to make his move.

He leaps, and he lands! Great effort!

Brandon at the Royal Ramps.

And Skabb with the royal flush!

But Brandon holds on!

Vane sees the danger.

Brandon leaps...but can't hold onto the rock wall.

Matt and Brent are now past the Clobbering Canons.

But what about the Royal Ramps?

First Matt...plop-o-rama!

What about Brent? Double plop-o-rama!

Here comes Judy.

Manky-bonk! There goes Judy!

Manky-bonk! Manky-bonk! Manky-bonk! Thank you very much!

What's Brandon up to? He's down the ramps and has made it across.

He's been here before, remember!

He's looking good, despite the goo grenades!

Matt's not far behind, but Brandon is at the rock wall again

and this time he holds on!

Matt is closing the gap, he's on the run! Correction, he's off the ramp.

Brandon climbs...woah, splat, trongo-bongo!

Brandon's at the top, he's seconds away from victory!

And there's the crown! He takes it and we have a new ruler,

King Brandon of Splatalot!

I won Splatalot! Yeah!

There's a happy chappy!

Well done, King Brandon! A worthy champion.

So, Dom, let's check your prediction!

-Ah, says here, "Dom predicts Dick will win."

-What?

Ha! Got ya!

Now that could actually be a contender for this!

Actually, the real Splat Of The Day went to Tim in Round One.

The incline did its worst,

taking Tim's tottering tootsies right from under him

and then gravity stepped in to take him down.

Ta-ta, Tim! You were terrific!

You, on the other hand,

were terrible! Making me think you could predict a winner.

No one can predict the future, it's just not possible.

I will raid this castle!

Or maybe it is!

So Brandon's prediction came true, he finished fastest in the challenge.

But then his form dipped in Round Two, where he only just qualified.

However, he saved the best till last and conquered every obstacle

in his way to become a worthy champion

and the new ruler of Splatalot!

And now it's time for King Brandon's first official duty.

My first act as king of Splatalot is to throw one of you into the moat.

I wish I could do it to all of you!

But today it will be you, Vane!

Rookie! Absolute rookie!

Poor Vane, but I suppose that's what you get

if you mess with a superior intellect.

-So that's it for this week. All that remains is for me to...

-Get splatted!

Predictable? Moi?

Here's the Splatapult ceremony.

OK, press the button, now!

Lovely! Lots more mess and mayhem for you next time, so until then...

BOTH: Keep splatting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd