Episode 18 Splatalot

-It's Splat time!

-Yes, welcome to a Splatalot special,

where five brave young warriors

and their parents go head-to-head with those despicable Defenders,

as they compete to capture the much treasured Splatalot crown!

Let's do it!

Can the Defenders keep their castle safe, or will they be

overthrown by the Attackers, whose aim it is to crown a new ruler?

So who will tumble? Who will tilt? Who will teeter?

And, who will go... BOTH: Splat?!

Hello, Splat fans one and all! I'm Dick, he's Dom.

And welcome to a very special Splatalot indeed.

Yes, today we present the Parents And Kids Splatdown.

So let me get this right it's parents versus kids, right?

No, it's parents and their kids dads and daughters,

mums and sons, all competing together in pairs.

Is that wise? I mean, won't the parents just cramp the kids' style?

No, five minutes out on that Splatalot course,

and the oldies will soon forget themselves.

Well, we'd better remind them what they're up against.

In the Moat Challenge all five pairs will compete,

but only the three fastest pairs will survive.

We'll then ditch another pair in Ditch The Dungeon.

Now, in each round, both team members have to finish,

and so in the final, the pair that completes the course first will win!

Those poor kids will be dragging their parents round.

I don't agree. In fact, a pie in the face says you're wrong.

-You're on.

-OK, here's Round One in more detail.

The Attackers start on the baffling barrels and piercing pellets.

Then it's up the slippery slope, and across the rolling mace.

The impossible incline and beastly battle-axes follow.

Then it's across the bridge of disaster, onto

the debilitating disc, and over the finish line.

Now you could be a mum, dad, son or daughter,

but to the Defenders, you're just splat fodder.

So who's defending the moat today?

First of all we have the happy go splatty Madeva.

She's followed by the cruel yet cool Kookaburra.

And finally, who's fearsome and feisty?

-I'm Faetal!

-That's who.

I have complete faith in you, children.

But zero faith in the parents!

Ha, ha!

That's not fair! Kookaburra shouldn't pick sides!

Don't worry, he'll splat anything,

-as will Faetal and Madeva.

-Time for our first Attackers,

Sebastien and Jocelynne.

Mother and son that's so sweet.

They'll be so splat in a minute.

Sebastien makes the first leap.

He's safely onto the barrels, and moves over to the pellets.

But where's mummy Jocelynne? Here she is... Looby tubes!

-What is this? A leisurely swim together?

-Clear the rope.

Don't argue with your mother!

Kookaburra's playing mind games already.

Ooh, good lad!

You've gotta run, Javelin.

Javelin? Her name's Jocelynne.

And she's made it over the mace! What about Sebastien?

-Bad lad!

-You abandoned your son!

Jocelynne down the incline now. She's doing well.

Hey, Mum, what's for dinner?

Kook with the chat, and this time Jocelynne with a splat!

Yes, welcome to Splatalot, Jocelynne!

That's our first parental splat of the day.

And potentially our first embarrassing moment.

Killer moves, Mummy J!

Seb must be really loving this. Ooh, magic manny.

And I doubt he'll be loving the incline after that.

Hey, Javelin, sorry to break it to you but there's no grandkids!

Show me what you're working with, girl! Come on now.

Oh, and Jocelynne shows us some more killer moves.

Seb won't know where to put himself.

I think he will. Back down into the bilge water.

Jocelynne now making progress on the bridge,

but she's losing it and...fat verruca!

Seb's on the axes. Slippy, slidey, splatty, fairy chops!

-I think Sebastien's holding his mum up!

-Rubbish!

Oh, look, mummy Jocelynne's waiting for her splatty son!

Early days yet.

Under the sea. Ha ha!

At the debilitating disc now. Jocelynne leaps and lands.

Oh, but she's overbalancing and... into the bunion soup.

Mommy J's on the ropes.

Now it's Seb's turn. He lands! And holds on.

He's climbing, and, yes, he's made it to the finish line!

Well, 12:15 has to be one of the slowest times in Splatalot

history, but they've finished.

Just as well we didn't give them the pink costumes.

Manny first then Daddy Pearce, and, bum ba bum bum bum.

And sadly after their very first splat

they decide not to continue!

Dad took a look at the piercing pellet, and thought again.

Here's Randy and Juliet.

How embarrassed does Juliet feel right now?

Randy leaps and makes a good landing!

But Juliet doesn't...

-Will she do better on the mace?

-Melon head!

There's an unattended senior on the course.

-Flying giblets!

-It's all right, he's gone!

Kook can be so cruel. Randy, on the incline.

-Come on, old man!

-Please, show some respect!

Randy, is there someone that can take you home?

Pickle trickle!

Juliet is literally knocked off her feet!

To be honest, I think she's still recovering from Randy's

one hour long battle cry.

But she's straight back up, and straight splat down!

How about the bridge?

One slip, a slide, and oh, awkward drain pipe!

Randy, it might be easier if you take your teeth out.

Randy ignores Faetal's advice, but he can't ignore the battle axes.

Wart, what's it!

And look at this like father like daughter synchronised

splatting into the moat. Lovely.

Juliet, I thought you were supposed to be cheering on your daddy.

No. No cheering from Juliet.

She grabs the rope and into the gravy boat.

What a splat from Juliet! Now will Randy follow suit?

Well, he's hung on this time.

Celebrate like you won bingo, old man!

Well, they've finished in 9:35, but they look shattered!

See, I told you the parents would struggle.

Juliet practically carried her dad over the finish line.

Just like Jocelynne did with her son Seb!

Here's the leaderboard so far.

So we have two more pairs standing by to compete in the Moat Challenge.

Remember, both team members have to finish the course.

And it's the three pairs with

the fastest times that go through to the next round.

So are two heads better than one in Splatalot?

-Of course you get double the splats!

-Good point.

So, how are we going to determine who gets

pied at the end of the show?

Well, whichever pair wins in the final,

if the parent is first to finish then you get pied by me,

and if the kid finishes first, then I pie you.

Fine. Hang on, is that right?

Look, I'll show you. Right...

OK, I'm supporting the kids, so if a kid is first,

I pie you.

-Ah.

-But you're supporting the parents,

so if a parent is first, then you get pied by me.

-But I still don't...

-I can show you again if you like?

No, thanks. Let's have a look at the leaderboard.

Randy and Juliet are safe in first place.

With Manny and Pearce not finishing,

Seb and Jocelynne are in the danger zone.

If the other two pairs can beat their time, then they're out.

That's not right.

Look, it's simple - three pairs go through, so if the next two

pairs can beat a time of 12:15, then they both qualify.

I was talking about the pies!

Time to get back to the course, I think.

Here's our next pair.

Good battle cry!

-Here's mum, Sandra.

-Wow!

Side burn spaghetti!

Now what about Victoria? Skipping, tripping and splatting!

Kook's the best K-O-O-K. Kook's the best!

Thanks Victoria, we quite agree.

-And she makes it over the mace with ease.

-Stop!

Aaargh!

Mum, be aggressive!

Victoria sticks up for her mother.

-Hey!

-Faetal now joining in.

I'm just motivating you, you've gotta start running.

Victoria takes Kook's advice, but it leads to a massive plop jockey!

Yes, a very nice curly shape to that one very pleasing on the eye.

-Be nice!

-I'm trying to!

Here goes Sandra on the mace. Crab salad!

Last time there was a floater in here, we had to drain the moat!

-Sandra's the slow coach in this pair.

-Give her a chance!

Victoria splats at the axes!

But she picks herself up and crosses the bridge of disaster with ease.

I want to see some cheerleading on that platform!

Oh, Victoria's good.

-Yes, but it's slowing her down!

-Oh, you see that?

Have you seen her mum float?

Yes. Looks like mum's given up.

And Victoria has one last splat

before finishing in 12:48.

Sandra celebrates, but she didn't complete the course,

so they won't be going through.

Of course they are.

Here's Bryanna. Good so far.

James, way to let your mum go first!

Ah, now Kook's deliberately mistaking Bryanna for her

dad's mother, when she's actually his daughter.

-Oh brother!

-Ha ha!

-Here they are at the mace.

-You missed!

Bryanna's the first to try to cross the mace,

but it's going to end up as a pig winker!

-Little boy!

-That's her dad!

Aba dabba dim sum! And down he goes into the moat!

Splat Of The Day! Splat Of The Day!

I hate to agree, but Kook could be right - a direct splat knocks

Daddy James off his feet and down into the mam jam.

-Bryanna help your son!

-Careful, Bryanna!

Oh, Goth chutney!

Does his sneakiness know no bounds?

Kookaburra distracts Bryanna at the perfect moment for yet

another Splat Of The Day contender.

James, are you going to be OK

without your mummy when you get to the axes?

Faetal's chipping in now. Booty tool!

James must be loving this!

It's just like the slide at the playground, James!

Baby James, are you even allowed out this late?

They're laying it on thick now.

Bryanna on the axes, and fondant fancy!

James, look at this camera!

Don't do it, James! That was close.

Wonton fuey! And James is back into the bilge!

The Defenders and the course have really got it in for him today.

Bryanna's at the bridge... Oh and booming bop bops!

-Where's the little man's parents?

-Come on, Dad, you can do it.

We'll have some warm milk waiting for you at the end, OK?

Well, he's been taunted terribly today,

but at least there's a hot drink waiting for him.

He's hanging onto Bryanna. Downtown flabby!

That was baby James' first steps!

Oh, my goodness!

Back to Bryanna at the disc. Oh, bit cheeky.

And here's Daddy James. Oh, bit cheekier.

Can they recover from that? They really need to finish!

They have, with a time of 12:57, and believe it or not,

that's good enough.

Yes, through to Round Two are Juliet and Randy,

Seb and Jocelynne, and Bryanna and baby James.

I mean Daddy James, sorry!

Don't you mean 'slow coach' James.

You have to admit the parents are really slowing the kids down.

Well, speed isn't important in our next very messy round,

but teamwork just might be.

So how do you think our Parents And Kids Splatdown is going?

Well, have you noticed Faetal always seems so nice.

But deep down she's just a mean, two-faced...

Hello, boys! How lovely to meet you.

I'm such a fan of yours! Now who's Ant and who's Dec?

Oh, you must be Dec. You're so cute.

And short.

Oh and I like a man with a good sense of humour.

I suppose you need one, to carry off that look.

But please forgive me, I've interrupted.

Yes, we were just saying how mean and two-faced...

The Attackers seem today!

Really? Oh, I can't wait to hear what you've got to say about them.

Right. So in Round Two we have...

-The err...

-Ghastly Randy and Juliet.

The deplorable Jocelynne and Sebastien.

And the terrible James and Bryanna truly awful.

Oh, dear, if you don't have anything nice to say,

then I suggest keeping your mouth shut -

something I'd recommend to anyone with bad breath.

Anyway gotta go!

Does my breath really smell that bad?

No, she's just messing with us.

Here's Round Two in more detail.

We start in the stock market, then cross the splatwalk,

and climb the loathsome ladder to the top of the dungeon.

But today, two flags are needed,

because both team members still need to finish.

As Sandra and Victoria learned to their cost earlier.

Plus, they all have to get past the Defenders, who are...

I'm still listening! >

..such lovely, nice people.

Yes, defending the dungeon today we have the kind, generous,

charming, and extremely modest Vane.

-Then the lovely...

-Skabb rules!

Skabb, how witty.

And finally, that warm-hearted, fun-loving cheeky chappy, Thorne.

We will splat all parents.

Even you, baby James.

I hate babies!

I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

So, the attacking pairs are in the stock market.

Juliet and Randy are in red, Seb's in purple and pink,

as is Jocelynne, and Bryanna and James are in orange.

The Defenders are taking their positions and priming their slime.

Let's play!

And they're off... to an average start.

I don't think Faetal can hear us any more

so we can be nice to the Attackers again.

-OK, but it was average.

-First on the platform is baby James!

Baby James! I heard a lot about you.

Poor old James.

Whoops! Nest features!

Down goes Randy.

Thorne with a slime ball. But the Attackers fend it off.

Oh, and Seb's going for a sprint.

But he knocks Bryanna, and down she goes!

-Up here!

-Uh-oh, Skabb's picking on James now!

Baby James, you on solid foods yet or what, bro?

Skabb decides it's feeding time!

Nice and yummy.

He's so cute when he's trying to crawl.

Actually, no-one's too steady on their feet out there.

As Sebastien proves.

And so does Juliet, who slides all the way to the dungeon dregs.

Good leap from Jocelynne, though.

-Ow!

-Well, the Defenders have stepped it up.

-They're really splatting the Attackers now.

-Incoming!

Oh, weaky flute!

That's how we roll!

Here's Randy, just relaxing in the pint of moat muck.

And here's Bryanna, slipping and swirling and sliding and splatting.

How's her dad doing?

You are not pushing me down, bro.

Baby James, when you yell like that, I just keep splatting.

Why do they keep picking on baby James?

He's a fully grown man, remember!

Juliet loses her grip, and there she goes, back where she started.

Bryanna makes a move now.

Manky Maureen! And Skabb sends her back to the moat.

-Here comes Jocelynne.

-You're doing a great job.

And like many before her, Jocelynne slides all the way back down.

Incoming!

Once more, Seb is sent packing back into the moat.

Oh, and it looks like James wants to come along too,

and for some reason he's packed an invisible rope!

Looks like none of the Attackers can get a grip.

I think it's time we taught baby James the ABCs of splatting.

The first. A - always wear underwear.

Can't wait for Z.

Seb decides to skip the alphabet lesson, but the Defenders give him an

education in splatting. Look out, James!

Seb simply won't give up. He's halfway up the ladder again.

But the slime rains down, and there he goes with Juliet for company.

Will anyone get to the top of this course today?

I can do my own sound effects ba ba ba ba!

How old is Skabb? Anybody know?

James!

Crumple burger!

Down you go ba ba ba ba ba!

Can someone switch him off please?!

Hey, look at this little creeper.

I'm just going to splat you.

You missed!

Here's Seb again.

Cue Skabb. Fatty owls!

Bobobobobom. Bobobobobobom.

Thank you Skabb!

I'm getting real tired of you guys. Real tired!

Well, this is the best attempt yet from an Attacker it's Bryanna.

But Thorne gives her a nudge and she's down she goes -

all the way down!

-And Seb can't hold on either!

-But look at this.

Juliet is slowly but surely making her way to the top of the dungeon.

And she's there! The Defenders haven't even noticed.

-But she can't get into the final on her own.

-Where's her dad?

Still in the moat. Hasn't moved since falling in!

-Dad!

-Now can James make it to the top?

Baby James, baby James!

He quite rightly ignores the Defenders, and... Oh, no!

He's slipped and down he goes.

Jocelynne now has just about made it to the top of the dungeon.

Randy still not moving.

Jocelynne's finished.

She really doesn't know what to do with herself!

That's it, stand up. No, sit down.

Seb and Bryanna race for the finish line.

Oh, Seb slips, allowing Bryanna through.

But he picks himself up, so we have our first pair!

Baby James, baby James!

Now, can James finish this time?

Awww, baby! A shower.

And despite their taunts, James crosses the line, which means.

Round Two is complete!

All that remains is for Juliet to take her slide of shame.

It's her dad Randy, who should be doing that!

Better luck next time!

Ah, but she still loves him.

No shame here though, just fame, glory and honour,

as our two triumphant teams wave their flags,

secure in the knowledge that they're through to the final.

Well, you've got to feel sorry for Juliet there.

First to finish, but her parent let her down.

You're definitely going to lose our pie bet.

What about Jocelynne and Seb? The first pair through,

with Mum leading the way. I think the pie is yours, my friend.

We'll see. Here's the leaderboard.

Well, how perfect - we have a father and daughter, and a mother

and son - James and Bryanna, versus Sebastien and Jocelynne.

Mwah! Perfect indeed!

-Oh are you two talking about me again?

-Of course.

Now, are you saying nice things about the Defenders?

Yes and, err, horrible things about this lot.

Just look at them in the mud, getting splatted and clobbered.

Yeah, ridiculous.

Would you guys mind if maybe I tried on the Splat Stat Hat

before I head off for the final?

Before you head off? Of course you can.

Quick, give it to her. On her head.

Three, two, one, off you go.

DICK'S VOICE: 'James and Bryanna have so far posted

'a third and second place,

'whereas Seb and Jocelynne have finished second and first,

'making them the red-hot favourites.'

-Wow, thank you so much!

-The pleasure was all mine.

Actually it was all mine -

I can now tell the other Defenders

which pair to look out for. See ya!

"Give her the hat," you said! Here are the finalists again.

James and Bryanna, and red-hot favourites Jocelynne and Sebastien.

Well, now that the Defenders have an unfair advantage,

let's see how unfair the final round is going to be.

Here it is the Capture The Crown course.

It starts with a trip across the dire mire,

and a climb over the barrier of all barriers.

Next are the terrifying Ts, followed by the scary-go-round.

That leads to the annihilating arm, and the gruesome twosome.

After that it's past the clobbering cannons, down the royal ramps,

and up the rock wall.

At the very top, is the crown, awaiting the pair,

who both make it over first.

Both team members have to finish. That's going to be tricky!

Don't forget, they also have to face all of the Defenders in the final.

Including the fiendishly two-faced Faetal!

Vane's on splatbow, Thorne's on splatzooka,

Kook's on goo grenades, Skabb and Madeva are at the cannons

and Faetal plays all innocent on the aqualizer.

Here are the Attackers Seb and Jocelynne wearing purple

and pink, and Bryanna and James in orange!

So the first challenge is the dire mire,

and Seb finds out just how dire it is!

But his mum Jocelynne sails over the barrier.

-And daddy James is next.

-The parents are in the lead.

Did you hear that, Dom?

-Shut up.

-Jocelynne's on the terrifying Ts and she's off them.

See, that lead won't last for long!

Seb's now made it over the barrier.

-Here's James, having a spot of bother on the Ts.

-Oh!

Second attempt for Jocelynne.

Oh this looks better, this looks better.

-This looks...

-Goaty chest wig!

James just about hanging in there.

Here comes Bryanna. Chicken bracket!

James tries a different approach,

and he's over!

Bryanna holds on. Kook fires and...plump pump!

She shrugs off a water blast

and a paintball and makes it over!

Good start from the orange team, but bum toaster!

James just mistimed his leap.

Back to the purple and pinks.

Seb is now also over the Ts.

Bryanna at the scary-go-round, and she's on!

She's heading towards the annihilating arm.

She climbs, hangs on, slides over

and grated cheese fingers!

It looks like Bryanna is going deep sea diving!

Skabb's jokes are taking a dive, too.

Jocelynne looking queasy on the Ts.

Once again Momma J struts her funky stuff,

before getting down into the turkey substitute.

Daddy James is a fan!

He's back on the scary-go-round, and at the annihilating arm.

He hangs on, then pulls his body over,

and yes he's made it back onto the scary-go-round!

Which takes him round to the gruesome twosome.

He leaps, but he can't hold on!

The oranges are still in the lead though.

But Bryanna needs to get over the arm, not under it.

And down she goes!

Here comes Sebastien.

He's heading to the arm,

and looks like he's going to clear it with ease.

He just needs to make his landing...and he does!

Skabb sees the danger...

And he puts Seb off his landing!

Now did Jocelynne hear that

cry for help from her offspring,

because she's positively sprinting,

and she's made it over the Ts!

A new Splatalot record to boot!

Yes, Jocelynne has the dubious honour of attempting to cross

-the Ts more times than anyone else.

-How many?

-113.

-Really?

-No just 'Ts-ing'

-Wow!

Well, she's certainly making up for lost time.

She's on the arm now. She'll have caught up with Seb soon.

Not so fast. No, her son's going to have to wait.

Oh, she'll be back, don't you worry.

Oh, Bryanna finding the twosome a bit gruesome.

I'd say the whole course is proving gruesome today.

Claggy hammock!

I love defending!

I think Skabb loves defending.

And Jocelynne loves splatting headlong into the moat.

I like that dance, show me!

Rip snorter!

Well, the cannons obviously didn't like Seb's dancing, or Bryanna's!

James is next in the cannon queue. He also tries dancing.

Skabb doesn't like it and crabsy nesbit!

Oh, but Jocelynne sneaks through, catching the Defenders off guard.

And Seb now tries to join his mum.

-He's made it.

-Oh, he slipped!

But Jocelynne grabs hold of him!

See? The parent once again saves the day!

-All right, all right!

-Linden squasher!

Jocelynne's at the royal ramps.

But she slips and splats!

Seb has a go. Can he hang on?

-No, he can't!

-Skabb reminds James he's right behind him.

And Jocelynne reminds everyone she's in the lead.

The Defenders need to step up now.

Jocelynne's at the rock wall.

Not for long, though!

What's Skabb up to?

Baby James! That wasn't me.

I think the cameras will prove otherwise, Skabb!

Back to Sebastien. He leaps and hangs on.

Can the Defenders stop him?

No need, he's fallen, just like his mum.

Does nobody even want to be ruler of Splatalot?

She can be so negative at times.

And Skabb, the slime bucket, strikes again!

This time it's Jocelynne on the receiving end!

But she won't let that put her off. She's back on the ramps.

She's crawling. Has she got any energy left?

Her son Seb's not far behind now.

Jocelynne leaps, and this time holds on!

Seb can't join his mum yet, cos James is next in line.

But he's in the brew!

Jocelynne's almost there now, but both team members have to finish.

Where's Sebastien? Oh, the Defenders have knocked him down!

But Jocelynne has made it. Now, can Seb make it too?

Bad news for you if he does,

cos our merry Mum was first, and that means you get pied!

-He's not there yet.

-But he's close. Come on, Seb!

-He's back on the ramps.

-Skabb's still trying.

But Seb's on the wall, and begins to climb.

Oh, and look at this again, Jocelynne comes to her son's

rescue, and helps him reach the top of the wall.

There's nothing the Defenders can do now, other than admit defeat.

So they worked together, and now rule together!

That's your mum, bro, she earned it!

She certainly did. All hail the victors, Jocelynne and Sebastien!

Now, I said the parent from the winning team would finish first.

-And they did!

-I wouldn't do that if I were you.

OK, so if you were me, what would you do with that?

I'd share it with my best friend, over a nice cup of tea?

Would you? A nice cup of tea?

OK, get some plates, and put the kettle on.

Here's Splat Of The Day.

And it comes from one of today's true stars, baby James,

who obviously isn't a baby.

Thank you, Splat Of The Day! Splat of The day!

Yes, Kook's aim was as precise as his prediction,

but give the Attacker some credit too.

Baby James, you are the daddy!

-Here's your tea.

-Thanks.

Here's your pie. Wasn't that hungry after all.

Back to Seb and Jocelynne. Here's their journey to the crown.

Jocelynne struggled in the moat, but, as Dom knows to his cost,

she was a true leader, and never gave up.

Then after a few spills and thrills, both Seb

and his mum triumphed in Round Two.

They had a trickier time in the final, but mum and son

stuck through it all together, and are now the new rulers of Splatalot.

Our first act as rulers of Splatalot is to throw

one of you into the moat.

We wish we could throw all of you, but today we will throw you, Faetal!

It couldn't happen to a nicer person. In your two faces, Faetal!

Faetal's going to get it! Faetal's going to get it!

Oh, hi, Faetal. How's things?

Just peachy, thanks for asking.

Really great working with you today!

Thanks, Dick, you too.

Faetal's going to get it! Faetal's going to...

What was that one for?

For being two-faced. Here's the Splatapult ceremony!

Three, two, one.

Oh, look a cow!

And there we have it the last splat of the show.

So until next time...

BOTH: Keep splatting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd