Episode 22 Splatalot

It's Splat time!

Welcome to Splatalot - the magical, messy kingdom where ten brave

young warriors go head-to-head with those despicably devious Defenders,

as they compete to capture the much treasured Splatalot Crown!

Bring me beef!

Can the Defenders keep the castle safe from the Attackers,

or will our young warriors overcome every obstacle,

and find a true champion to rule the kingdom!

So who will tumble? Who will tilt? Who will teeter?

And, who will go...

Splat!

Hello, I'm Dick, he's Dom.

And this is Splatalot, the show that can best be

described as a deep crust meat feast pizza with jalapeno peppers.

No, it's much hotter than that

it's like a prawn Vindaloo with extra chillies and ginger.

-Can I get pilau rice with that, and some poppadoms?

-No!

This is the biggest, boldest, splattiest game show on earth,

not an Indian restaurant.

However we do have a wonderful set menu, comprising three

mouth-watering courses.

Courses. Hah. Lovely!

For starters, all ten Attackers race around the moat.

The next course is lighter, containing just the six fastest,

but it's just as tasty. And for dessert,

four finalists compete for the Splatalot crown itself!

Sounds superb. For the first course what ingredients do you use?

Only the splattiest!

We start with a ripe and fresh splatapult,

then add a hint of slippery slope, with just a dash of rolling mace.

We also mix one whole incline, with two finely sliced battle axes,

and add a seasoned bridge of disaster for flavour.

Finally we sprinkle the zest of a debilitating disc for decoration,

and serve cold with lightly peppered Attackers.

-Does it come with chips?

-No.

You see all of this is a bit too fancy for me.

-I prefer junk food.

-Right, I've got just the thing.

The Defenders!

Not that palatable, plus they do leave a nasty aftertaste.

Guarding the moat today we have the crusty, half-baked barbarian, Skabb.

-The sweet and sour...

-Madeva!

And finally, it's the sugar coated...

-Kookaburra!

-Hard to digest at the best of times.

Welcome to Splatalot!

So, the course has been prepared,

and the Defenders are ready and raring to go.

Ready to go to bed! Here's Lachlan!

I look like a zebra!

No, you look like a flying zebra.

Lachlan's a competitive cheerleader, so he's used to somersaulting.

-Pull!

-But now he needs to get used to Skabb,

who starts proceedings with a near impossible mid-air double splat.

-Yes!

-He's happy, and Madeva applauds his barbaric skills.

Hey, Lachlan, are you by any chance related to any Scottish people?

Scottish people? Yeah!

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-Ach! My name's Lachlan, crossing the slippery moat.

Oh dear, I've tripped. Oh no, I fell in the moat.

To take your mind off that awful Scottish impression,

here's Lachlan cheerleading his way into the moat.

That's it, Lachlan, you're doing fabulous!

-I am fabulous.

-Show me how fabulous you are.

-It's against the clock!

-You've got something in your pocket.

What's Skabb saying?

Nothing important, he's trying to slow Lachlan down. Ripper rapper!

He noticed Lachlan had become attached to a slimeball.

How attached will he become to the axes?

Well done, Lachlan. The axes are never easy,

especially with Madeva shouting nonsense at you.

Hold! Hold on! Hold hold on, I said.

Hold, hold on, hold, hold, hold on, go Loch Ness!

You're right. I much prefer Kook's nonsense.

Oh, and that's a great leap from Lachlan.

An impressive way to complete the course!

4:16's an impressive time too!

Be, be aggressive. With the arms!

-Thanks Kook, here's Anushka.

-I can't do this!

Apparently Anushka's so clean, she takes three showers per day!

Standby for shower number one.

I think her average might go up today.

Anushka braves the axes, and blanks Madeva.

Oh, wally womper!

Well, she barely had time to dry off from shower number one.

She safely crossed the first axe, but the second axe was too tasking.

On the bridge now... munchy toad!

That's number three!

Well done, Anushka, have a bonus

shower, although that time

might leave you high and dry.

This wetsuit is choking me!

(Here we are hunting for the wild Sarah.)

Why's Skabb whispering? Are his clothes choking him too?

-Shssshh!

-She approaches. Aim, then...

Skabb rules!

-Can we stop whispering now!

-What is your favourite animal?

-Dogs.

-Sarah, look, a puppy!

Skabb up to his sneaky tricks again.

No, there was a little doggy, look!

I thought all the Splatalot patrol puppies were supposed to

be on leads.

Sarah at the incline, down she goes and, drippy PA!

Oh! It's the rarely seen split splat.

Yes, her right leg didn't know what her left leg was doing,

and she ended up feet first into the moat.

Oh, and now the water blast produces another...

-Splat!

-Exactly!

I think my wing's broken, Sarah.

You're not meant to jump off the edge.

She was jumping off to help me!

Kook's in a flap, and Sarah could be too,

as 8:42 might not be fast enough.

This is going to be awesome! Woo!

Kyle, I hear you like to write.

-Er, yeah.

-I've written a couple of books myself.

-Nice.

-The Barbarian's Guide To Making Fire.

It wasn't a best seller.

I think Skabb's dreary tale, has literally sent Kyle to sleep

and he's dropped off into the moat!

Kyle at the axes... rusty bracket!

Well, if he was dozing he's wide awake now.

His left leg got left behind, and from then on he had "splat"

written all over him. And it's the same old story on the bridge!

But will there be a happy ending? Yes!

4:47 is the second fastest time so far.

-Don't touch my hair!

-Or what, Bronwyn?

-Ahhh!

-Or she'll scream!

And we don't want a screaming cheerleader on our hands.

Why don't you like people touching your hair?

Because I just did it!

So if I did this, it would be annoying?

-Aaahh!

-Don't worry, Bronwyn, that slime will wash straight out.

Now if only there was lots of water to...

Oh, silly me! Yes, but that's moat water. Nothing washes clean in there!

What you think of Kook's hair, Bronwyn?

I love it!

If you shampoo and condition every day you can have hair like Gildar.

-He's right. They look so similar.

-I miss Gildar.

I miss Gildar like I miss maths homework!

Back to Bronwyn, and she's made it to the finish line.

That's a great effort, and a great time. The fastest so far!

And whoever's fastest at the halfway stage is guaranteed

a place in the next round, so, well done, Bronwyn!

How do you spell Bronwyn?

-Why?

-No reason.

-You can check it out

on the leaderboard, which is coming up right now.

Our two cheerleaders Bronwyn and Lachlan are leading the way,

followed by Kyle, Anushka and Sarah.

So with five more Attackers to come, it's... What are you doing?

-Nothing. You don't need me for this next bit, do you?

-What?!

Oi! I've got a bad feeling about this.

But a good feeling about the second half of the moat challenge.

More top quality splatting guaranteed!

So, just to confirm, our current leader is Bronwyn.

B-R, B-R-O, B-R-O-N - Bronwyn!

Followed by erm...

Fellow cheerleader, Lachlan.

L-A, L-A-C, L-A-C-H - Lachlan!

OK, very good. Now please stop it.

S-T, S-T-O, S-T-O-P - Stop it!

-OK, cheerlead that...

-Easy.

S-P, S-P-L, S-P-L-A...

Good. OK, cheerleading practice over, I think.

Let's get back to the game and remind ourselves who's leading.

Bronwyn is safe in the lead, but the other five are going to have

to wait, to see if their times can be beaten.

The Defenders are all looking pretty cheerless -

-just like my killjoy of a colleague!

-Oi!

-Tacos!

-Here's Kallie.

She tries a new tactic, but there's nowhere to run!

Yes, there is! She's running all the way into the moat.

Running in the air, did you see that?

What do you like in your tacos?

-Beef!

-Beef!

Skabb always chooses the oddest times to have a chat. Onion budgies!

Actually I think it's all a clever ploy to distract the Attackers

and get them off their guard.

My sister used to be like that,

-"Skabb where are you? Bring me beef!"

-Beef!

What happens when they run out of beef?

Kallie, that was a bit too smooth.

-Oooh!

-Even got some sauce for ya.

Kallie's over the battle axes, but loses it on the bridge!

Just when it looked like she was safe, she slips and splats.

Wash that down sweetheart with some water OK? Too much goo!

Kook tries to distract Kallie, but she takes the bridge in her stride.

Onto the debilitating disc, but she's down!

No distractions there, just a good old splat, plain and simple!

And Kallie completes the course in 4:19.

I'm invincible!

OK, Jastinder, let's put that to the test. Linden squasher!

Fantastic!

-Justin, come on!

-Skabb, his name's Jastin.

-It's a fabulous day.

-Jastin's testing Skabb's patience.

This is "justin-credible" how slow he is.

And it is all against the clock remember.

I'm scared to hit him because he might... Oh, dear me.

Child, is anyone there? It's like he's invisible.

This taunting's relentless!

He's "justin-visible".

I'll defend like he's done the course in slow motion.

Kook's really not helping... and poor Jastinder still hasn't got

past the slippery slope.

Just water it down a little bit, "Justin" case it's too slippery.

-It's Jastin!

-Please!

These are obviously just the highlights from Jastin's round.

I'll let you get up to there.

Yes, we've removed any boring bits, like the beard Kook grew, and the

seasons that passed, to leave you with nail-biting moments like this.

That's as good as his round got,

and Jastin's totally made up time,

of just over two and a half days,

is a record that may stand forever.

Let's do it!

Hey! No sneaking!

Here's Annupal.

Whoa! Frothy barber!

Well, Annupal bursts onto the scene, and before you know it she's

-attacked Skabb, and splatted into the moat.

-Great start!

You a wild child!

Onto the axes. Turkey trumpet! Madeva's right.

It's another wild and wonderful multi-splat from Annupal.

I am the walrus. Kook's not here right now. You may pass.

Off you go.

Just kidding, it's me!

Kook really brightens up the moat, don't you think? Punt squeezer!

Annupal keeps her splat count high, right to the finish.

And 6:20 might just see her through.

I want candy!

Samantha has always wanted to fly, so let's make that dream come true.

For about 3 seconds.

I heard you like candy! Yes, no?

-I don't take candy from strangers.

-Skabb rules!

Samantha is splatted!

Yes, Skabb often loses his temper, but sadly for the Attackers,

he hardly ever loses his aim.

Samantha takes on the mace, and the mace wins!

Yes, the mace has proved quite tricky today.

Alley-oop girl, I ain't got all day!

Evil bee! What a splat from Samantha!

It's even better on our Super Slow Motion Sam Splat Cam.

Sammy, give me a step.

Give me a tickety ba-ba, boom-bah-wow-wow.

-Which translated means - "Jump in the moat".

-Sammy!

She takes on the debilitating disc, and she wins!

That's got to be the fiercest thing I ever seen.

Sammy's round had many great moments,

-but sadly that time isn't one of them.

-Bazinga!

Here's Sam on the axes. Drizzle whaps!

Yes, he gets well and truly Bazinga'd by the water burst!

Don't mind me, don't mind me.

More mind games from the Defenders, although let's be honest,

Skabb's mind is pretty tiny.

Sam's ignoring them so far.

On your feet, Sam!

Oh, but he slips and trips on the second axe, and down he goes.

Hardly surprising he's covered in slippery slime from head to toe!

-Who's your favourite Defender?

-You!

-Fantastic off you go, mate.

Oh, but Sam slips, and Kook showers him anyway.

I'm showering you with love, Sam. You are my favourite attacker today.

In a red wet suit.

And the moral is - don't believe anything Kook says.

Sam's heading for the finish line, and he makes it!

For some reason the Attackers have made the disc look easy today.

And that's a very good time indeed. Sam will be going through.

And that's it. Round one is complete,

so let's go to the leaderboard.

The six fastest Attackers, advancing to round two are -

Bronwyn, Lachlan, Kallie,

Kyle, Sam, and Annupal.

Less than 30 seconds separate the top four Attackers,

so our next round, Ditch The Dungeon, could be very interesting.

But this time they're not against the clock.

They're against each other,

which makes things just that little bit splattier!

You say they're up against each other.

I did, I do, and I'd say it again, yes.

But they're also up against the Defenders.

How would you rate them so far?

Well, we've learnt that Skabb writes books.

I've got a second-hand copy of his first book here.

The Barbarian's Guide To Making Fire. Chapter One.

"Rub two sticks together, and use the pages from this book to get

"the fire started, but whatever you do never ever ever..."

-What? Tell me!

-I can't. All the other pages are missing.

Right, this is his other book The Barbarian's Guide To Putting

Out A Fire. Chapter One.

"If you want to avoid starting a fire then don't buy my first book."

Brilliant. Very informative. Thank you very much, Skabb.

What about Madeva and Kookaburra?

Half the time I have no idea what Madeva's talking about.

And Kook barely has the time to defend -

he's too busy trying to entertain the Attackers!

Talking of which, we should remind ourselves who's through.

We have Sam, Annupal,

Kallie, Kyle,

Bronwyn, and Lachlan.

To proceed further in this tournament they'll need to

Ditch The Dungeon.

So we'd better find out how.

-The Attackers start in the Stockmarket.

-Once they escape,

they cross the Splatwalk, and climb the Loathsome Ladder.

The first four to claim a flag are through to the final,

but the slimey Defenders will be slowing them down at all times.

So six will enter but only four will escape.

Now, it's true to say we had some doubts about the Defenders

-in round one.

-So it's time for three fresh ones.

First up it's the fresh-faced and ever so feisty Faetal. Who's next?

I am Thorne!

-And finally.

-I'm Vane, bro'.

Woo! Dude, you almost just hit a guy with glasses.

And this is an improvement on round one?

Here are the Attackers!

We have Sam in red, Annupal in orange, Kallie in blue and orange,

Kyle in green and yellow, Bronwyn in

pink, and Lachlan in zebra stripes.

Vane's on the multi-shot Splatter Batter, Thorne's got

the Pokey Pike, and Faetal's ready with a Slime Ball.

And they're off!

Who wants a splat grenade?

The Attackers break free, and Kyle makes an early break.

But the Froth Popper stops him.

Thorne must be on it, cos Faetal's otherwise engaged.

-Intimidation!

-Thanks, Faetal!

I'll take the high road, and you'll take the low road,

and I'll get the crown before ye.

Lachlan takes Thorne's advice, he takes the low road,

and almost takes Kyle with him.

Here we go coming in high!

Vane splats and Kyle slips.

Now it's Faetal's turn, and she splats Lachlan on the bonce!

Well, I think she was after Annupal, but I doubt Faetal will mind!

See!

Hey, Bronwyn, as you can see we've put a little mousse

here on the course for you.

What is Faetal doing?!

Vane splats Annupal, and then he goes for Bronwyn!

Come on!

Kyle doesn't seem to like that.

Thorne aims and run corn on the cob!

-A multisplat!

-Bronwyn! How's my hair?

I doubt Bronwyn wants to swap hairstyle tips right now, Faetal.

Faetal takes the hint and splats Annupal instead.

She in turn lands on Lachlan, who's been a tad unlucky so far.

You got booted, dude!

Vane slimes Kallie, and guess what she slides straight into Lachlan!

There's no hugging on Splatalot!

I don't think they had much choice, Vane!

Thorne fires again, and it's another multisplat!

Yes, one well-placed splat sends all the Attackers

back down the Loathsome Ladder.

Thorne splats Kyle, who then passes the splat onto Sam.

Surely Kyle should keep his splats to himself!

-Lachlan!

-Don't look up, Lachlan!

-Who is this off his feet?

-Faetal's not happy.

On your feet, Kyle!

Neither's Thorne. Oh, but that might cheer them up!

Kyle and Annupal take Lachlan back down into the moat.

The luckless Lachlan tries to leapfrog Kyle,

but Annupal provides an extra nudge, and they all head south.

Thorne moves onto the slime.

And Lachlan is once more in the wrong place at the wrong time.

-He also takes Bronwyn with him.

-They may take our crown!

Oh, Thorne's off on one!

But they will never take our kingdom!

Oh, Vane please don't splat me, please don't splat me!

Sorry dude just doing my job! Hah!

In this instance Vane's job was to splat Kyle,

who rebounded off Bronwyn for an impressive backflip into the moat.

Get away, get away, Lach...! Lach, Lach...

That's it Faetal, get it out!

Lachlan, there's a lot of phlegm in that name.

Oh, Annupal's on the receiving end of Thorne's Pokey Pike,

and down she heads into the moat!

It all starts with Annupal, but she splats Sam, Lachlan

and Bronwyn, and eventually she gets Kallie too.

That's what I call six birds with one Thorne.

The rinse is happening today.

The rinse is happening today...

That almost took my entire face off!

Is Vane actually a comedy genius, and we just don't know it?

He needs to come up with some genius defending.

And there goes Lachlan, bumping into Kallie on his way down.

Uh-oh!

-Oh, purple plague, watch out!

-Purple plague!

-Release the balls!

-It's not the lottery!

Well, it is a lottery as to who'll get knocked down.

And it looks like Sam's the first to go. Who's going to be next?

It's Lachlan. He takes Kallie with him and they both splat Sam.

-The plague is contagious today!

-You're right, they've all caught it!

-Look out!

-Well, the splats are coming thick and fast.

Lachlan can't avoid Annupal, but Sam leaps just in time.

Intimidation!

Be careful what you wish for, Faetal.

The Attackers look pretty intimidating right now.

Kyle, Lachlan, and Annupal are all pressing.

Annupal slips just at the wrong moment, but Lachlan scrambles

through and he's the first attacker to claim a flag!

He is into the final!

-Is Kyle next?

-Stop him!

He's on his hands and knees, and he crawls his way over the finish line!

That's two flags down, with two to go.

Bronwyn now makes a move.

And so does Sam, but he's heading in the wrong direction!

Bronwyn's made it. She's over and is also through to the final.

One place remains.

Annupal's nearly there. Thorne and Vane try to stop her.

She ignores them and becomes the final attacker to...

-Whoa! Careful!

-..claim a flag!

Kallie and Sam say goodbye.

But our fearless foursome say hello to the final.

Here's confirmation of the Ditch The Dungeon result.

Bronwyn, Kyle, Lachlan and

Annupal now have the honour of competing for the crown.

But only one will win.

We could always make some more crowns.

Then they could all share the kingdom.

But if you took away the competitive

edge you wouldn't end up with finals like this.

It's quite a simple formula really motivation plus competition

equals great entertainment to the power of splat.

Time now for Splats Of Fame.

And that's why we call it Splatalot.

Time now for a Splat stat attack,

with bang up to date stat facts from the splat stat hat.

Annupal so far has only just qualified in both rounds.

Kyle is our most improved Attacker, finishing fifth in round one,

but second in round two.

Bronwyn won the moat challenge,

but came third in Ditch The Dungeon, leaving Lachlan.

He has a second and first place to his name,

and is today's hot favourite.

Stat attack complete.

So on paper, our two cheerleaders are the top two Attackers.

Yes, so if one of them wins, you can guarantee the whole kingdom,

will be taking pom-pom classes.

The last thing I want to see is you in that outfit again.

Let's change the subject. Here's a reminder of today's finalists.

We have Kyle, Lachlan, Annupal, and Bronwyn.

And here is the majestic course that stands between them

and the Splatalot crown.

There are many obstacles to overcome,

starting with the Dire Mire, and barrier of all barriers.

Then it's a trip across the Terrifying Tees,

which lead to the Scary-Go-Round.

Once on board, the Attackers face the Annihilating Arm, but

they must avoid the Splacken before reaching the Gruesome Twosome.

The Clobbering Cannons are next, then it's down the Royal Ramps,

-and over to the rock wall.

-And at the top of that wall,

the Splatalot Crown awaits its new ruler.

And to help keep the splat count high,

all six Defenders will be on duty to protect the crown.

Madeva and Kook are the welcoming committee,

Thorne is on the vaporisers, Faetal is aqualising, leaving Vane

and Skabb at the cannons. Here are the Attackers.

Annupal's in orange, Bronwyn's pink, Lachlan's in stripes,

and Kyle's in green and yellow.

They head to the dire mire, and the mud slows them down.

Lachlan's the first to make it to the barrier,

and he's over quickly but gets mired in the process.

Bronwyn's next, keeping the mud to a minimum, unlike Annupal.

Lachlan is greeted with some slime from Madeva.

He tries the Tees.

Nice, nice, nice... Heavy bosh!

Give me a T! Give me another T!

-And what have you got?

-TT?

No! The Tees! Yay!

Oh, Annupal under heavy fire before she even starts, and down she goes!

-Give me a...

-Shaddup!

Madeva slimes Bronwyn, ignoring her battle cry request.

Don't touch my hair!

Here's Kyle.

He decides to hang on the Tees,

but then realises that isn't going to work.

Now it's Bronwyn's turn. She steps, but soon splats.

-The Tees are terribly tricky.

-Come on!

Madeva encourages Lachlan to have another go.

He tries the same technique and falls at exactly the same T.

But he's not down! He recovers

and this time he makes it over! Well done, Lachlan!

Hey, Attackers. Hsss!

-Kook's gone all catty!

-Thought you were a bird, child!

Oh, Kyle collides!

And despite Kook's animal antics, Kyle recovers

and heads for the Scary-Go-Round.

Look out for the Splaken! And look out for that giant Tee, Annupal!

Well, she just avoided the water blast, but couldn't avoid the moat.

Bronwyn tries crawling over the Tees.

It's much slower, but she's making progress, and yes she's over!

Madeva, get my back!

Go on, lassie, show us what you are made of!

I'm scared!

Scared of the course, or Thorne's accent?

Lachlan's on the arm.

-Lachlan!

-Now he needs to climb over.

Kyle leaps, but his landing's off and down he goes into the water.

-Lachlan's over the arm.

-Watch out for the bowl of haggis now, laddie!

He rightly ignores Thorne and leaps for the Gruesome Twosome,

and he's made the landing!

Back to the Tees, and Annupal teeters once again.

Great technique from Lachlan.

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Defender.

He's such a slimey rhymer.

Bronwyn's on the Scary-Go-Round, and receives a water blast.

The Splaken!

Lachlan is splackened and heads for the moat.

Kook with a goo grenade. Skillet!

Kyle once more can't make his landing.

Kyle toys with cannons.

Oh, the Splaken takes out Bronwyn, just as she was about to leap!

The Attackers need eyes in the back of their heads.

Kyle's at the arm, but he's soon back in the moat!

This is how Skabb brings it with the ruckus.

Skabb can be so mean.

So can this course. Annupal is down!

And Bronwyn is clobbered!

Yep, I thinks that's rearranged her hairstyle.

Lachlan tip-toes, shimmies, and twists!

Well, he's danced his way past one cannon.

Vane shows him some interesting moves.

But Lachlan makes a move of his own, he's past the second cannon!

Brilliant! And now he's onto the Royal ramps.

Kyle leaps, but again he just can't land.

Annupal takes in the view, and what she can see is Lachlan

-leaping onto the rock wall!

-Faetal springs into action!

She needs to, because Lachlan is nearly there.

Now that's what I call a Faetal distraction, Lach...

-Not again!

-Lach...

Come on, Faetal, we're all waiting! Some time today would be nice.

I got it, Lachlan!

Now she's got his name right, maybe she can start defending again!

It might be too late. In fact Lachlan's made it.

He's over the rock wall!

And the final is complete.

All that remains is for Lachlan to take his crown.

King Lachlan, the new ruler of Splatalot!

Kyle kept leaping, Annupal aimed high, and Bronwyn was brave,

but Lachlan rules.

Well, our new cheerleading king has plenty to cheer about.

L-A,

L-A-C,

L-A-C... What's next?

-H.

-Lachlan! Yay!

That's hardly going to impress King Lachlan, is it?

Here's Splat Of The Day.

It comes from Sarah in round one, who perfected the Split Splat.

Why's it called that?

It's an inspired combination of the splits followed by a splat.

Go-oo-oo, Sarah!

-Much better.

-Much better? Right.

Mu-uu-uu-uu-ch better!

OK, calm down. Here's Lachlan's journey to the throne!

He splatted his way through the Moat Challenge, finishing second,

but then he won round two despite a few slips and trips to the moat.

With that win, he confidently took on the final challenge,

overcoming all obstacles in his way. And that's why he's our new ruler.

Hail, King Lachlan!

Oi!

My first act as King of Splatalot is to have one of you

thrown into the moat.

I wish I could do it to all of you, but today it will be you, Vane.

Go, Vane! Go, Vane! Go, Vane! Go, Vane!

Can somebody switch him off please?!

Go, Vane! Go, Vane! Go, Vane! Go, Vane!

That's all for now. We'll leave you with the Splatapult ceremony!

How's my hair?

Well, this is Vane's hair pre-splat, right here.

How's my hair?

But I think we're all agreed, it's much better post-splat.

So until next time...

Go Splatalot!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd