Episode 25 Splatalot

Welcome to Splatalot!

The magical, mysterious, and extremely messy kingdom,

that invites ten young warriors to go head-to-head

with those deplorable defenders,

as they compete to capture the much-treasured Splatalot crown!

Intimidation!

Can the defenders keep the castle safe from the attackers,

or will our young warriors overcome every obstacle,

and find a true champion to rule the kingdom?

Who will tumble? Who will tilt? Who will teeter?

And, who will go... SPLAT?!

Hello, I be Dick, he be Dom.

And this and this and all of this be Splatalot,

the show that can best be described as that mystery present

that you get on your birthday that hasn't got a gift tag,

and you're not sure whether you should open it or not,

but you do anyway.

-What, that's the best way you can describe this show?

-Yeah!

-So, what's inside, then?

-Inside what?

Inside the mystery present where you don't know if it's yours or not.

Ah, you see! You're intrigued, aren't you now?

Intrigued, excited and nervous, all at the same time.

And that's what Splatalot is all about!

Funny that, cos I thought it was all about this!

An opening challenge in the castle moat,

where all ten attackers compete,

followed by a messy dungeon adventure for the fastest six.

And then for the four who survive that,

the honour of competing in our moonlit final

for the Splatalot crown.

Great! Looks like we're going to have to stay up past bedtime again!

Look, I'm still waiting!

Are you ever going to tell me what was inside that present?

Maybe, but look, we've got tons to do first.

For a start, there's the first round to describe in more detail.

The attackers start in the splatapult...

Beware the vile volley!

..Then it's up the slippery slope and across the rolling mace...

..Which leads to the impossible incline.

The beastly battle axes follow, they chop till you drop.

The bridge of disaster is next...

..Guarded at all times by the aqualiser.

And then a vault on the wavering warhead is all that stands between

the attackers and the finish line!

Sounds good, but it's about to get even...

what's a better word than good?

Gooder.

Yes, it's about to get even gooder!

Meet the defenders.

Today's moat dwellers are Vane, with the shades...

I'm Faetal.

Faetal with plenty of attitude...

And Thorne with the creepy stare. Seriously, Thorne, stop it!

Playtime's over!

What do you use that thing for? Mashed potatoes?

Does Vane think he's funny?

Does Vane think at all?

So let's head down to the moat.

Our funny guy Vane is on the vile volley,

Faetal's on the splatzuka, and Thorne's on the slime stick.

All we need now is an attacker!

Say hello to Nick.

This place looks like a piece of cake to get through!

Well, I don't know what piece of cake he has in mind.

How about a nice slice of splattenberg!

Why have a piece of cake when you can just eat the whole thing?

-You greedy pig, Vane!

-Oink!

Dodged it!

Nick's almost across the mace.

Oh, but, well he just seems to jump into the moat!

Faetal's got him in her sights. Flonge wongle!

It's time to put the icing on this one!

Thorne thinks he's being clever, but Nick outsmarts him

and is over the axes!

I know you've been holding it out,

but maybe today just break out the old bow and arrow.

I don't think we should be giving Vane any sharp objects,

-thank you very much!

-He seems quite happy with the aqualiser.

And Nick will be quite happy with that round.

He's over the finish line in a very respectable 4:42.

I love hamburgers!

Jordan keeps the food theme going...

That was a hamburger cannonball, bro, I like that!

Flopsy bam bams!

Welcome to Splatalot! Good recovery on the mace!

No-one comes up here and takes our crown!

Thorne's annoyed.

Our burger boy's tackling this course with too much relish.

Water down that hamburger!

The bridge, with a little help from Vane, slows him down a little,

but his vault on the warhead is pretty good

and he's over the finish line.

And just like his food, his time is fast. Nice one, Jordan.

Eat my fist, defenders!

-Can I have a burger instead?

-Jocelynn!

Vane must be loving all this talk of food.

Well, he's certainly not focused on defending,

which is good news for Jocelynn.

I don't eat fish, I eat sandwiches.

Fish are too bony for me.

Vane's on a roll about sandwiches.

But Jocelynn's off a roll.

The mace roll sends her into the moat.

And sadly that's a splat too far for Jocelynn, who does not finish.

Cowabunga!

"Cow-a-burger"?

No, she said "Cowabunga!"

Soranne, there you are.

That all you got?

So nice to have another girl at the castle!

Faetal's not happy with Soranne's backchat...

Oh, fish slapper splat bomp!

Soranne's not too happy with the mace roll either!

Can she get back on course? No, Soranne, that's off course!

Thorne vaporises her, and it's enough to cloud her judgement,

Cowabunga!

Yes, it's another top battle axe splat attack!

Onto the wavering warhead. Well, she's certainly wavering.

But I think she's going to make it.

Yes, Soranne is over in a respectable 4:36.

Oh, but there's nothing respectable about this victory dance.

What is that all about?!

Blondes have more fun!

Ok, Abby, prove it!

Pull!

Now, has Vane's aim improved at all?

No.

Oh! Inches!

And just to rub it in, here's Abby, and here's Vane's slimeball,

missing her completely.

Onto the incline. Whoops! Frange mongle!

Oh, yes! Thornes, they want to have fun.

I think defenders have more fun, Abby.

Abby at the funish... I mean finish line.

But no, she's down.

Well, she eventually "funishes" in 8:32.

So we're halfway through round one. Remember, six attackers qualify.

So with five attackers still to come,

the person currently in first place is automatically through.

And that person is...

Jordan! He's safe.

Then it's Soranne with 4:36, Nick with 4:42, Abby with 8:32,

and Jocelynn who did not finish.

So, for the attackers who've just competed,

it now becomes a waiting game.

But for the attackers who are about to compete, the wait is over.

It's time to get out there and start splatting!

Now, our last attacker, Abby, brought up the notion of "fun".

Faetal then made the claim that defenders had more fun

than attackers, so we thought we should put that to the test.

Dick here is representing the attackers. Proceed.

Well, cake-loving Nick finished in good time,

so his fun should continue.

OK, give yourself a squirt.

Jordan already knows he's through,

plus he got Thorne angry, so that's double the fun!

What about Soranne?

Oh, one word. "Cowabunga". Loads more fun!

And Abby?

Well, this was her idea, so she must have had fun!

Right, on to you. The defenders.

As you said, Jordan made Thorne angry,

and Faetal didn't like Soranne's backchat, so no fun for them.

Plus, Vane's aim was awful,

so overall he didn't have any fun either.

So that concludes the test.

So, in theory, it's fair to say that attackers have more fun

-than defenders.

-And in practice...

They do, too.

Here's the leaderboard again.

Jordan leads with 3:56, followed by Soranne, Nick,

and Abby, who's in the danger zone, because Jocelynn did not finish.

So, ready for some more fun?

No.

See? Even Faetal's starting to have fun.

-I think she's laughing at Vane.

-Thorne still looks grumpy though.

-Here's Jacob.

-If you ain't Dutch, you ain't much!

I'm not Dutch.

Then you ain't much. Trounce mount!

Hey, look, a flying Dutchman!

A funny line from Vane that's not about food. Crackanang!

If you ain't Thorne, you ain't... Thorne!

Didn't really think that one through, did he?

Here's Jacob on the axes.

Thorne's Vapour doesn't bother him, and he's over.

Remember me? I was at the start. I'm your bro!

Why don't you go get another doughnut!

Uh, because we ran out.

Jacob outsmarts Vane, but he can't outsmart the bridge!

The warhead's a bit too clever for him, too.

Faetal tries a sneaky splat, but Jacob stays sharp,

and finishes in 5:05.

Great goo!

Popcorn pickle!

Another edible battle cry from Michela!

And another miss from Vane.

You flipped like a patty there. Would you like fries with that?

OK, so here's Michela next to a giant burger that only Vane can see.

Moving onto the axes, she survives the water blast,

but ends up in a popcorn pickle!

Life isn't any easier on the wavering warhead,

and the moat beckons once more.

But that's still a reasonable time,

which could be good enough for round two.

I like bacon!

No, Nathan, Vane won't be able to cope!

Yes, once again Vane's in a food frenzy and misses his splat.

Do you like bacon? I like bacon.

I like you, we're friends.

Don't be distracted by the food references, Vane.

Yes, Vane's Achilles heel is definitely his stomach.

Nathan's lost it on the incline! Klack fracker!

Well, the defenders might not be on form,

but the course has really tested the attackers today.

And after that spectacular splat,

Nathan hasn't got the energy to continue.

He's fine but does not finish.

Here's Tyree!

Are you ready to rumble?!

Is that a reference to Vane's tummy?

Splat for me!

Twig plap!

Faetal splats, and Tyree stares her down with those red, rumbling eyes!

She bounds over the mace roll,

but I think she's too fast on the incline and...

Lobster lover!

I think she was still angry with Faetal,

and just forgot to put her brakes on.

Tyree, watch out for the chandelier!

Chandelier?!

My grandma shoots better!

That's as maybe, but does she splat better?

I doubt it!

# Splat for me. Splat for me, Tyree.

# When you fall in the moat! #

Follow that, Thorne!

You know, Tyree, that's certainly... # Where you long to be! #

Is this still Splatalot?

Tyree seems to think so. She's still splatting.

Good. For a minute there, I thought Andrew Lloyd Webber

had hijacked the show.

Well, she can sing and dance all she likes now

because that time is good enough.

Powdered mini donuts!

What a feast we've had with the battle cries today!

Oh, what was that for?

For trespassing, Dylan!

And it looks like Dylan's an uninvited guest on the mace roll too!

Not for long, though.

I ain't going to sugar-coat it for you.

Eurgghh! That's gross, man!

It wouldn't be slime otherwise, Dylan!

Oh, Dylan just about recovers, but a bobby bash box!

That is a big splat!

The water blast caught Dylan completely by surprise.

Now that is a Faetal distraction!

Dylan still looks a bit disoriented, and floppy wong!

Well, to be fair, he's not bad at finding his way to the moat.

And with that time of 4:32, he's not bad at finding his way to round two!

Despite him dealing with all of that goo!

After all that slimy rhyming, round one is complete.

Through to round two are Jordan, Tyree, Dylan, Soranne, Nick,

and Jacob.

Well, round one proved to be particularly tricky today,

but we've got some evenly-matched attackers going through.

Yes, the top five are all within a minute of each other.

So that means our second round of splatiness,

Ditch The Dungeon, should be a pretty tasty treat indeed.

And just to prove how tasty round one was,

here is our battle cry feast, fit for any royal banquet.

We have Master Nick's piece of cake.

Master Jordan's lovely burger.

Miss Michela's popcorn pickle.

Master Nathan's bacon.

And whose is this?

Oh, Master Jacob's, erm, "If it ain't Dutch" Dutch apple pie.

Best I could do.

Mmm, right. Master Dylan's mini powdered doughnuts, and...

What's this business?

Miss Soranne's Cow-in-a-bun... ga. Say it quickly.

-Cowinabunga.

-Bit faster.

-Cowinabunga.

-Faster.

-Cowabunga. Ah, right, there you have it.

The battle cry feast, which I'm sure will be enjoyed by one and all,

upon the announcement of our new monarch, later on.

But we've got an awful lot of splatting to do before then.

So let's remind ourselves

who's still in with a chance of wearing that crown.

In round two, we have Soranne,

Tyree, Nick, Dylan, Jacob, and Jordan.

But before they can even dream of ruling the Splatalot kingdom,

they'll need to Ditch The Dungeon.

And here's how.

The attackers start beneath the castle walls, down in the dungeon.

They must escape the stockmarket, cross the splatwalk,

and then climb the loathsome ladder.

Those that make it to the top of the dungeon can claim

one of four flags, the all-important ticket to the final.

But the grimy slimy defenders will be slowing them down at all times.

So, with six competitors, and only four flags,

we'll be saying "goodbye" to two more attackers very soon.

But now let's say "hello" to three new defenders.

TOGETHER: Hello!

Hi, Skabb, nice to see you. How are you doing?

Kookaburra!

Hi, Kook. Looking good!

And hello, Madeva. Now how about a nice welcome for us?

Welcome to...

Welcome to...

-Welcome to... (Line!)

-Welcome to Splatalot! >

Welcome to Splatalot!

What was that all about? First things first.

Jacob's in orange, Jordan's in yellow and green, Tyree's in pink,

Dylan's in green, Nick's in blue, and Soranne's in zebra stripes.

Skabb's in a trance!

So it seems his feeble mind can be controlled by Kook, using fire.

Looks like Madeva's back to her usual self though.

She'd better hang up because they're off.

Through the gate easily enough, and onto the splatwalk.

Skabb's about to make it pretty slippy out there,

-but Madeva is still on the phone.

-Madeva!

Sorry, guys! I gots to go.

Gotta get my hair done, you know!

We're defending, Madeva!

Look, I help you, see? But I gots to go, child!

Don't go, don't go, please, don't go, please, don't go!

-Well, this is unheard of!

-Madeva!

So the defenders are down to two!

-OK, OK, you know what!

-We have got this.

Hooter malooter! Kook steps up and splats Soranne.

They'll need plenty more of that without Madeva!

Team Australia!

-Team Aussie!

-Team ugly!

Nanky fat! Skabb's entering into the team spirit.

# Sisters are doing it... #

-No. No singing when you're with me, understand?

-I understand.

Well, it's still early days for the coalition.

I think they need to do more work on their team name.

Who needs Madeva when you've got Kook-Abb,

or Skabook as I like to say.

Well, team Kookabb or Skabook

might not exactly roll off the tongue,

but they've certainly got the attackers rolling down the ladder.

Nick's trying to fend off this terrible twosome, but he's down.

Switcheroo!

Switching!

The defenders try a new tactic. Oh, but it's getting messy.

Doesn't look like they know what they're doing.

It's chaos. Surely the attackers can take advantage.

And now they've splatted each other!

I'm sure this wasn't how they practised it.

-Come on, Kook!

-Intimidation!

They start defending again, much to Nick's annoyance,

who's back in the moat.

Skabb splats Soranne, and so does Kook. He loses his balance

and she loses her grip heading straight for the moat!

-Hey, you want to go do some defending?

-Yes!

-Let's go!

If it's anything like their last plan, it should be entertaining.

I'll let you press one button. I press the other one.

Well, no buttons needed at the moment.

Dylan's lost his balance and takes out Jacob.

Soranne's lost it again, and so has Nick who takes out Jordan,

who in turn trips Tyree.

Yes, the loathsome ladder is working like an extra defender.

-Purple plague!

-Purple plague!

BOTH: Not the purple plague!

Three, two, one.

Soranne looks on open-mouthed as the plague descends.

But it's Tyree who's infected first!

Soranne eventually succumbs to the plague, too.

Well, the look on her face just about said it all.

To be honest, I think it was saying,

"Oh, splat! I'm heading for the moat!"

Team Kookabb are completely on top right now.

PHONE RINGS The attackers are in disarray.

The phone's ringing. I'll get it!

I wonder who that can be?

It'll be Madeva.

I know!

-Hello?

-He could have let it go to voicemail,

he's got a castle to defend!

Well, he seems to be doing OK.

Oh, it's Madeva. She says we're doing a great job!

Well, how nice. Skabb, ask her how her hair looks.

Charming(!) He's put the phone down.

And Kook's put Jordan down, all the way down into the moat.

Skabb and Kook team up again with the pokey pike.

And Soranne bears the brunt, sliding headfirst again onto the splatwalk.

Well, if it wasn't hard enough already for the attackers,

they've just turned on the waterfall!

Tyree slips and trips, and decides to take Jordan for a ride.

Here's Dylan. Oh, and the pokey pike sends him

hurtling back down the ladder!

Nick's down too, and he's off to join Dylan.

-But Soranne's nearly over!

-Surprise!

And from out of nowhere Kook fends her off! How cruel!

I'm sure she thought she'd won.

She still might! Kook's under pressure now.

Four attackers are closing in.

And somehow Tyree slips past Kookaburra

and becomes our first finalist!

Skabb comes to Kook's rescue and down go Jacob and Soranne!

But Nick and Dylan are still hanging on at the top.

Dylan makes a break. He's the second

attacker through, grabbing that flag in triumph.

Nick's not far behind, so that means there's just one place left.

The three remaining attackers climb the ladder one more time.

It looks like Kook and Skabb have given up

so it's a foot race between Soranne and Jordan!

This is too close to call!

Who's going to get to the flag first?

Oh, Jordan slips, and Soranne becomes our fourth finalist!

Absolutely brilliant!

That has to be the closest-fought round of Ditch The Dungeon

-we've ever seen.

-It's a terrible shame for Jordan,

but Soranne is through by the tiniest of margins.

Jacob takes the slide of shame first,

leaving Jordan to have one final moment of glory.

So close, eh, Jordan?

Madeva!

Yes, she's got some explaining to do.

And these attackers have got some celebrating to do.

For now, their dreams of ruling Splatalot are very much alive.

Here's confirmation of the top four attackers who will be

heading for our spectacular moonlit finale.

We have Tyree, Dylan,

Nick and Soranne.

With so many evenly-matched attackers,

we just knew that was going to be extra special.

What about that nonsense with Madeva's hair appointment?!

But I suppose that did lead to the birth of team Kookabb.

I prefer Skabook.

Either way, they'll be back in the final, defending another onslaught

from the four attackers, who all have their eyes on the prize.

Now, there's hardly anything to choose between the attackers

today, so the splat hat will have to work extra hard to find a favourite.

Soranne and Nick are both evenly matched.

Dylan has a slightly better record than either of them,

with a third and second place to his name

which leaves Tyree in pole position. She finished

second in the moat challenge, and first in Ditch The Dungeon.

So Tyree is the favourite.

But favourites don't always win.

I still think it's too close to call.

Here's a reminder of the finalists.

Tyree, Soranne, Nick, and Dylan.

And here is the majestic moonlit course that stands between them

and the Splatalot crown.

It looks stunning, but this course is tricky all the way.

The attackers start with a trip to the dire mire,

and the barrier of all barriers.

Once through the gate they have to teeter across the terrifying

tees, which lead to the scary-go-round.

It's a short spin to the annihilating arm, which they need to

climb over, followed by the gruesome twosome, which they must leap onto.

The cruel and cunning clobbering cannons are next,

then it's down the royal ramps, and over to the rock wall.

And at the top of that wall, the Splatalot crown awaits

the next ruler of this fine and messy kingdom.

That's the course, but it wouldn't be complete without those

defiant, yet often self-defeating defenders.

Yes, they've been hit and miss all day.

In Vane's case mainly miss, and in Madeva's case, mainly missing!

Vane and Faetal are paired up, Team Kookabb Skabook

remain together, Thorne's vaporising as usual, and Madeva.

I finally got my hair did. Ha-ha-ha!

Well, that hair makes just about as much sense as that sentence.

Here are the attackers - Soranne's in zebra stripes, Tyree's in pink,

Nick's in blue, Dylan's in green and all are in it to win it.

They're off and sprint over to the mire.

That sprint is soon reduced to a trudge though.

The girls reach the barrier first, but out of nowhere comes Dylan!

Hang on, he's leapt back again? Ah, he lost a shoe.

And some valuable time to boot!

Hello, Nick, and welcome!

Charming and slimy, that's Faetal down to a tee.

Here's Tyree down on the tee, but it's not to be.

Here's Nick's first attempt. Ram jam big jobs!

Same result for Soranne.

Dylan's turn. He leaps and... Wompflonga!

A splat worthy of any final!

Now, this is unusual - two attackers together on the tees.

Could be tricky.

It's so nice to see that there's camaraderie among the attackers.

Not quite, Faetal. Nick's over and he's left Soranne high and dry.

Well, she's low and wet now, after Dylan pushes past.

But then he takes a dunking! Serves him right.

Nick, now, leaping onto the scary-go-round.

He's teetering and just about avoids the annihilating arm.

Back to Dylan on the tees.

Looking good, and yes, he's bounced his way over.

Nick grabs the arm.

He's got to climb over it, but that makes him a sitting target.

Anchovy seeker! Dylan gets a dunking.

Nick's over the arm now and heading for the gruesome twosome.

But he can't make the landing!

You've just crossed over into... the Splatalot zone.

Thanks, Thorne. Back to Soranne.

She's still tackling the troublesome tees, but this time she's made it.

And Tyree, our tournament favourite, is over too.

Ladies first!

Tyree leaps onto the scary-go-round, but she's not looking steady

and down she goes.

Funny, she steps off just as Soranne steps on.

She's made her landing and heads towards the arm.

She gets a grip, but Nick's heading right for her

and he comes a cropper.

Dylan now, making his second attempt.

Oh, he's struggling, and Dylan dunks again.

Soranne's still hanging onto that arm.

She's trying so hard not to fall, but I fear the moat beckons.

Has everyone quit? I'm ready to go home, I don't care.

Vane is such a slacker.

Tyree's turn now to take on the arm.

So far, so good. She's got a firm hold.

Oh, and like clockwork, here's Nick.

Kook just reminds him he's in a competition.

And Tyree is over. Sniffy trombone-ee-oh!

-She was over. Now she's under.

-Nick's back at the arm.

He's already completed it, but seems to have forgotten!

Anyway, he's over, and back onto the scary-go-round.

He now heads for the twosome, ignoring the goo grenades. But no!

Once again, he's down.

Soranne is now ready to try the arm again.

She manages the first bit, but she needs to climb over.

There goes Dylan underneath. Kook spots and splats him.

And Soranne is over!

Now can Dylan do the same?

He shrugs off the water blast, and climbs onto the arm.

This time Soranne is underneath, but no, she's back in the moat!

The arm has really slowed the attackers down today.

And to prove that point, it's not letting go of Dylan either.

Here's Nick at the cannons, and he gets a clobbering!

High fives, everybody!

Tyree at the twosome, and that's a terrific landing!

Can Soranne make it a pair? No, she can't!

And with a little help from Thorne, Tyree joins her.

Skabb's in deep conversation with Nick.

He wants none of it, but it ends in another splat.

Soranne leaps again, and splats again!

Moobie donkers! Tyree's turn to be clobbered!

Somehow Dylan holds on to the twosome!

Tyree at the cannons again, and it's the same result!

The moonlit moat awaits.

Nick high fives Skabb, but something tells me that won't get him

a free pass. I was right!

Team Kookabb Skabook are really messing with the attackers now.

They don't know how to get past the cannons.

Well, that's one way!

Soranne just runs, and then she makes it onto the ramps!

Tyree's over too!

Look how wet it is out there.

It's so wet I can see a rainbow.

No, that's Madeva.

Soranne leaps, but the wall's too slippery.

The defenders can sense the danger now.

Tyree is now also on the ramps,

so it'll soon be her turn to face the rock wall.

Madeva keeps the water pressure high, as she tries to dislodge her.

But Tyree just about holds on!

She takes a moment, gets a better grip and starts to climb.

Soranne tries to join her but no, she heads back down into the moat.

Tyree's nearly there.

Oh, that goo grenade nearly got her, but no, she's recovered

and pulls herself to safety.

She reaches for the crown,

and holds it aloft. Tyree is the new Queen of Splatalot!

Dylan, Soranne and Nick were outstanding,

but they all must now bow before the triumphant Tyree.

Well, what an amazing final! The boys took an early lead,

and then both girls came back so well.

But the Splat Hat tipped Tyree as the one to look out for,

and she didn't disappoint.

Of course there's something else that never disappoints.

-Tapioca pudding!

-Tapioca? No! The Splat Of The Day!

And rather fittingly it came from Soranne, who had a great final,

despite this splatty episode on the annihilating arm.

She lost her grip, then back-flipped into the moat.

A very stylish splat indeed.

Back to Tyree now, and her journey to the crown.

She did well in the moat challenge,

clocking the second fastest time of the day.

But that wasn't good enough for our Queen-to-be,

so she went one better in Round Two.

She broke down Kook's defences and became the first attacker to

claim a flag and a place in the final.

She didn't have the best of starts, but she never gave up,

and on the rock wall she looked like a true champion.

From that point on, the future of the crown was never in doubt.

Let's head back to the castle to hear from the lady herself.

All hail Queen Tyree!

My first act as Queen of Splatalot will be to throw

one of you into the moat.

Sadly, it's not all of you, but tonight it will be you, Vane!

I thought as much.

Really? I'd have gone for Madeva today.

Yes, but he really lost it in Round One.

So just like I said at the start, this show has been intriguing,

nerve-tingling and exciting, just like...

A mystery present with no gift tag.

-Can I open it, please?

-Of course you can. Oh, dear.

-Splat!

-That's so unfair.

Life's unfair. Just ask Vane!

You're going to get soaked!

Marvellous. We'll have plenty more splatty action for you next time,

so until then...

BOTH: Keep splatting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd