The Curse of the Wereteacher Strange Hill High


The Curse of the Wereteacher

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# Creepy ain't the word Freaky ain't the word

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# Sneaky ain't the word See what I've observed

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# Cos there's no easy way to describe this geeky place

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# Even "geeky place" doesn't tell you what I need to say

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# This is Strange Hill, where a talking frog can eat your face!

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# It's very, very random

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# You'll get used to these debates if you stick around

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# Although I wouldn't recommend it

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# When they use the name "Strange", mate, they really meant it!

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# There's some things in life in which you just don't mess

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# On every vest I got the letters SOS

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# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner

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# Or what it might do if they ever found or saw you

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# Keep the lights on in the hallways all day

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# Things won't always tend to go your way

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# Watch your back, and be prepared Can't wait for 3:30

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# See you there. # BELL RINGS

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Ugh. I need a new career.

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OK, class, test time.

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We have a test today?!

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No, these are test results.

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We had a test yesterday?!

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No, this is a test the school did.

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-Ha! Take that, school!

-A test to determine your future careers.

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Using scientific methods, they're able to determine what job

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you're most suited for and where you'll be working

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in ten to twenty years.

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I have to work in ten to twenty years? Why didn't anyone tell me?

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I'd have left this planet long ago. C'mon, astronaut...

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Oh, boy, I'm going to be a voiceover actress for kids' TV shows!

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And now I'm, like, the mean girl...

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Ew, that sounds, like, awful(!)

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A critic?! That's the worst career assessment I've ever seen!

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No stars.

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A psycho! A psycho!

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Oh, wait... A psychologist!

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Disgraced pop star.

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Looks like everyone's future suits their personalities.

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What did you get, Templeton?

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Campanologist. I don't know what that means, though it rings a bell.

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Don't you want to see what YOU'LL be, Mitchell?

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Teacher?!

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I can't be a teacher! That's the worst job in the world!

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Don't worry. My dreams were crushed long ago.

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It must be a mistake! A horrible mistake.

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'No lamenting your sorry future!'

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They issued this somewhere in the school, right?

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We just need to figure out where and by who.

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And then go there and bug them.

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What about Miss Grimshaw? She hates to be bugged.

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Grimshaw! School secretary! Keeper of all records!

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Come on!

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Strange. She's not here.

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As if she vanished into thin air, gone into the mists of time,

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never to be seen again.

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That, or she went to the staff room cos there's no kids to yell at.

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Or that.

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There it is! Ye Olde Staff Room!

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I don't know if we should! Pupils aren't allowed!

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Too late. Knob turning.

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PIANO PLAYS

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Hi! THEY ALL GASP

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So who's in charge of career testing around here?

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Tanner! You made me miss!

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Pupils may not enter the staff room!

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Too late. We just did.

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And I'm not allowed to tell you who's in charge of career testing.

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We dare not speak his name.

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Quiet, you fool! You've said too much already!

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I'd like to say too much!

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The person in charge of all testing is...the Deputy Head!

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THUNDER CRACKS

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Brian Dougherty!

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I quite like saying too much.

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So where is this Dougherty... THUNDER CRACKS ..guy?

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Some people say he went mad from all the paperwork.

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Most people, actually.

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You'll never find him.

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We put him away where he can't harm anyone.

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But can still process all the school's paperwork.

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So he's in the school somewhere.

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Yes. Er, I mean, no! Ooh, now I've said too much!

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Now, get out, Tanner. And never set foot here again!

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OK...

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Brian Dougherty!

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THUNDER CRACKS

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Cool.

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This Deputy Head is somewhere in this school -

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someplace the teachers don't want us going to,

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a place so scary, no-one would ever dare go.

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The boys' changing room!

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I'm going to ask a normal person.

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-Matthews, you're easily terrified, right?

-I certainly am!

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What's the one place in the school that's so terrifying,

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you'd never, ever go there?

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The fourth floor! The fourth floor!

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SCREAMS Fourth floor it is.

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There's only one problem. The school only has

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three floors.

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See? "Third Floor".

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What about that door inside the door?

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Oh, such a cute door!

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Where do you lead to, widdle doory?

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That's ridiculous.

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A door inside a door can only lead to what the bigger door leads to.

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Hey, wait for me!

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-LOUD CRUNCHING AND SCREECHING

-What's that spooky sound?!

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Meh.

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Turn back!

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Turn back before it's too late!

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-Uh, why?

-Because I'm waxing the floor.

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It's pretty slippery.

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How can you be waxing the floor of a storey of the school

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that doesn't supposedly exist?

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Some say the fourth floor only appears on a full moon.

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Others say it's a poorly designed building.

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Either way, floor's got to be waxed.

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Do you know anything about... Brian Dougherty?

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-THUNDER CRACKS

-You mean...the Deputy Head?

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-THUNDER CRACKS

-Oh, I like when it does that!

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-Us, too!

-I canna tell ye much.

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But they say when the time is right, he roams this very floor,

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in search of new victims to give tests to.

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They sure say a lot, these people who say things.

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-Even

-I

-am afraid to roam too far on this floor.

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So be careful!

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And be warned, it's slippery!

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-Whoa!

-What are you going to do if you find this guy?

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Get him to change my destiny! Duh!

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No way am I going to become a teacher!

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This is a bit of a predicament.

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You best go on without me-e-e-e-e!

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Why does the clock have a "D" on it?

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And this wall - "C+"?

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And the water fountain - "No water, F minus, see me."

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-SHE GASPS

-Everything's been graded!

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We must be getting close. There!

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"Brian Dougherty, Deputy Head."

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THUNDER CRACKS

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It's been boarded up. Like they don't want us to get in there.

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Or they don't want whatever's in there to get out.

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Option A, option A, option A.

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The dreaded Option B!

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Here, Becks, help me get these boards off.

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I'd have gone for "more boards on", but OK.

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You stay here and scream like crazy if anything happens.

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Can do.

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Hello? I'm here about my careers test?

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CHAINS RATTLE

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Hello, chainy-chains? Mr Dougherty?

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THUNDER CRACKS My name is Mitchell Tanner?

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I have a simple request -

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to change my career destiny?

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It doesn't have to be anything big -

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maybe just "movie star"? "Hot-rod racer"?

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"Cool guy who does what he wants?"

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CHAINS RATTLE

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Hello?

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AH!

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Mr Dougherty, I presume?

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-THUNDER CRACKS

-You don't have an appointment!

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-GROWLING

-That's my cue!

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AAAARGH!

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AAAARGH!

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I've been bitten! By a rabid teacher!

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BELL RINGS

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Uh-oh! What's going on?!

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No! No!

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It can't be happeninnnnnnng...

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Ah! That was weird.

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And why am I holding a coffee mug?

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Ugh!

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Mitchell, you're all right!

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I went to get help but ran into this awful new substitute teacher

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who made me go straight into class and then he yelled at us

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for being unruly and made us sit silently

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and think about what we'd done. I thought about how I went to get help

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but ran into this awful new substitute...

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-Where is he now?

-A...

-Someone besides Becky!

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He left. Said he had other classes to take care of,

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like I wasn't trouble enough, yo!

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He made me sit in the corner and wear this hat.

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Good thing I can't read.

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I don't know what's worse, Mitchell.

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Your destiny to become a teacher

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or this new substitute...teacher.

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I'm still having a problem with floor wax, if anyone cares.

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Maybe later, bye!

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'The new substitute teacher assigned us five hours of homework - in PE.'

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He confiscated Gazza's spray-paint and replaced it with air freshener.

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Nobody wants gra-frutti, yo!

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THEY SIGH

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This guy is exactly why I hate teachers and never want to be one.

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-What's his name, anyway?

-Mr Tanner.

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Hey, YOUR last name is Tanner, too! Maybe you know him?

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No, but if I ever see him, I'll let him know who's who.

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BELL RINGS

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Uh, you go on to class.

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-I'm going to the little boys' room, so I can be fashionably late.

-Hey?!

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I always said I deserve a big hand, but this is ridiculous.

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What the heck?!

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I'm losing my...

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style!

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Who's the baddest teacher in all the land?

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-You are, sir!

-Darn straight!

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And you're late for class. Detention!

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No sliding! Detention!

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The Peloponnesian war.

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It's capitalised - named after a place -

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so I want to see everyone make a big "P" on their paper.

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THEY SNIGGER

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What's so funny?!

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It sounded like you were telling us to relieve ourselves on our papers.

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You won't find it so funny when I'm giving you a surprise quiz!

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THEY GROAN

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Question one - according to Ancient Greek astronomy,

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when was Uranus at its fullest?

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Everything's getting into ship-shape since you appeared.

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I'm just pleased to see the children so fearful.

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Oh, a man after my own heart.

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Can I get you a drink?

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Water. Lukewarm.

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You know, I could really use someone I trust around here, fulltime.

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There are certain students I feel like if I turn my back on them

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for one second... Tanner?!

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What the devil am I doing here?

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Well, that's what I'M supposed to say!

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And what have you done with my friend, Mr Tanner, Tanner?!

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Mr Tanner was here?

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Yes, Mr Tanner, Tanner! I don't know any other Mr Tanner, do you, Tanner?

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Does it strike you as odd that we both have the same last name?

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Your name's not Abercrombie! Don't try to confuse me, Tanner.

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You're up to your old tricks, but with Mr Tanner about,

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you won't be getting away with much more, Tanner!

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Am I punished or can I go?

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Go! Go!

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Sometimes I think I'm seeing things.

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Horrible Tanner-related things.

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Oh, dear..

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It pains me that I can't get to the one teacher who's causing

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everyone such agony. It's like he runs off whenever I come.

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Maybe he's scared of you!

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Unlikely. He's a very scary guy.

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Scared the wax right off the floor.

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That's what stopped me from sliding.

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Oh, hi, Templeton. I didn't notice.

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MY adventure's not important.

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A boy slides about the entire school for two days straight,

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but that's not half as interesting as a very mean teacher

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or a boy who doesn't want to become a teacher!

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How'd you go to the toilet?

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Oh, NOW you're interested.

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BELL RINGS

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Huh? Whoa!

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Help! Whatever this is is...whatevering again!

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E-yow! What's happening to you?!

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Hey, what are you kids doing?! Break time is over!

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-SHE GASPS

-Mitchell IS Mr Tanner!

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Mr Tanner is Mitchell! Tanner, Mitchell! Mitchell, Tanner!

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Hey, you, let me out of here!

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Sorry, Mr T - now YOU'VE got detention!

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Nobody calls me Mr T! I pity the fool who disrespects me!

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BELL RINGS

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He's turned back into Mitchell!

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So when the class bell rings, he turns into Mr Tanner,

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and when the end-of-period bells ring,

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he turns back to Mitchell!

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Yet he has no idea any of this has been happening.

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We've got to confront him with the...HORRIBLE truth.

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Remember, let's put this to him gently.

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Hmm.

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-SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

-Mitchell...

-Yeah?

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You know that awful substitute teacher who's been tormenting us

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-and is the worst person we've ever met?

-Yeah?

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-You're him.

-I'm Mr Tanner?

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That bite from Mr Dougherty...!

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THUNDER CRACKS

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I'm a were-teacher!

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This could not be more awful.

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Where is that delightful Mr Tanner?

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He's my best friend in the whole world.

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Nooooooooo!

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Of all the monsters, I have to be a were-teacher.

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It's pretty much the lamest of all monsters. Even Thankenstein.

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You mean that monster who always says, "Thank you"?

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He's the manliest teacher I've ever laid my beady eyes on.

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Mr Tanner's a real hottie!

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THEY GIGGLE

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THEY SHUDDER AND RETCH

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OK, this just went from highly annoying

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to a matter of extreme urgency.

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Yes, we must do something before the bell rings again.

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BELL RINGS

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Did I - er, Mr Tanner - give you detention?

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Uh-huh, but worse - you gave yourself

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double-super-horrible detention for always missing class!

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And you said if you showed up,

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we should tell you what you said you'd do to you if you ever saw you.

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Oh, I did, did I? Well, I'm a big jerk and I've got to stop me

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before my reign of terror goes too far.

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Yes, before you end up like Mr Dougherty!

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THUNDER CRACKS

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That's it - Mr D!

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THUNDER CRACKS He must know a way out of this.

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OK, but let's stop saying his name - I have a terrible a headache.

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CHAINS RATTLE, SNARLING

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Oh, hi, kids. Come in.

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I'm just doing some work.

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-That's not a...

-Person? Oh, my, no!

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Just a horse.

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Anyhoo... When you bit me, you turned me into a were-teacher.

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We need to know if there's a cure.

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Depends. What TYPE of teacher do you become?

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-A substitute.

-Then you're in luck.

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A substitute were-teacher only has a temporary curse.

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According to legend, and School Board-mandated policy,

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as long as said teacher does not sign a permanent contract,

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the curse will wear off.

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Great! How long till it wears off?

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-Ten years,

-max. Ten years?!! I don't want to be a teacher for ten sec...

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-Is there anything shorter than a second?

-'Attention.

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'I'd like to invite Mr Tanner to my office

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'at 3:30 for a very special secret ceremony.

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'Er, I mean "normal meeting".

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'Change is afoot!'

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Mitchell, Abercrombie's going to have you sign

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a permanent teacher's contract!

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Or change one of his feet.

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I've got to get rid of the curse now!

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It's the only way to defeat Mr Tanner.

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-And Abercrombie's smelly feet.

-Mr Dougherty...

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-Huh?

-Is there any way?

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There is, but you must do it

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before the were-teacher signs that contract.

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When pen touches paper, you're doomed forever! I'll tell you how...

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if you release me.

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Unchain you?

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Yeah. Yeah-yeah-yeah. Er, yes.

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I don't know. We've done a lot of...

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-Mitchell!

-Some day, I'll repay you for this.

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NOW how will we defeat Mr Tanner?!

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Let me think.

0:16:310:16:32

If we can trick Mr Tanner into looking really bad,

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Abercrombie will fire him on the spot and he...

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Well, I can never become a real teacher!

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Brilliant! Stop pointing that skeleton hand at me, but brilliant!

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We'll set it up for the special meeting in 'Crombie's office.

0:16:440:16:47

Now, the last class bell of the day rings at 3:30, right?

0:16:470:16:50

That's when the meeting begins.

0:16:500:16:52

PIANO PLAYS

0:16:520:16:54

HE LAUGHS

0:16:540:16:57

Is this a contract-signing ceremony or a romantic get-together?

0:16:580:17:03

I don't see why it can't be a little of both.

0:17:030:17:05

We're all very fond of Mr Tanner, aren't we?

0:17:050:17:08

I'm not here to look at YOU, that's for sure.

0:17:080:17:10

-BELL RINGS

-He'll be here any minute! I'll finally have a full-time friend!

0:17:100:17:14

Quick! Get ready for your role!

0:17:140:17:16

DOOR OPENS

0:17:160:17:18

Welcome, welcome to the newest addition to our faculty!

0:17:220:17:27

Yes, yes, let's just sign this thing and get it over with.

0:17:270:17:30

I've got a lot of kids to yell at.

0:17:300:17:31

But the signing of a teacher's contract

0:17:310:17:33

is a sacred tradition at Strange Hill,

0:17:330:17:36

plus I hand-dipped strawberries!

0:17:360:17:37

I don't like things that taste good.

0:17:370:17:39

Oh... Oh, please can we at least perform the song I wrote for you?

0:17:390:17:44

Fine. But it better not be any good - I don't like music either.

0:17:440:17:48

Oh, you're in luck, then!

0:17:480:17:49

Introducing, the Misses G!

0:17:490:17:53

MUSIC STARTS

0:17:530:17:55

One, two, a-one, two three, four...

0:17:570:17:59

# The Strange Hill days of running around

0:18:000:18:04

# And acting the clown are gone

0:18:040:18:08

# Because there's now a man who knows how to crack down on fun

0:18:100:18:16

# How do you thank someone who gives detention all afternoon?

0:18:160:18:22

# It's not easy, but we'll try!

0:18:240:18:31

# If you run from this guy he'll show you why

0:18:310:18:35

# He's the scariest man since Captain Bligh

0:18:350:18:39

# To Mr Tanner, with l-o-o-o-ove! #

0:18:390:18:44

That was just terrible enough for me to appreciate it.

0:18:470:18:50

Stand by for Tanner Time!

0:18:500:18:53

Ready for Hammer Time with the Tanner Time!

0:18:530:18:56

Before you sign this contract,

0:18:560:18:58

I was wondering if you'd like to say a few words?

0:18:580:19:01

-Maybe three or four...

-Tanner Time! End-period bell, go!

0:19:010:19:05

BELL RINGS

0:19:050:19:07

And those words are...

0:19:070:19:09

Waaaah!

0:19:090:19:10

-What the...?!

-Wiggity wiggity, beepity bool,

0:19:110:19:13

I'm not signing anything, you creepity fool!

0:19:130:19:15

Mitchell?! I'm seeing things!

0:19:150:19:17

Again! Back to class bell!

0:19:190:19:22

Ah, oh! That's better.

0:19:250:19:29

As I was saying, the most important thing as a fulltime teacher is...

0:19:290:19:33

End-of-period bell!

0:19:330:19:34

The most important thing is to boogie till your body drops!

0:19:370:19:40

Do the funky chicken! Quaaack!

0:19:400:19:41

Mr Tanner! I-I am your friend, but stop it at once!

0:19:410:19:46

Of all the people in this room, he chooses HIM to dance with!

0:19:460:19:51

BELL RINGS

0:19:510:19:52

What the devil?

0:19:550:19:57

Er, um, perhaps we should proceed with the signing of the contract.

0:19:570:20:01

Uh, yeah?

0:20:010:20:02

End-of-period bell! Quick!

0:20:020:20:04

Aarggh!

0:20:040:20:06

Oh, dear.

0:20:080:20:09

He's about to sign! Mitchell's about to become Mr Tanner forever!

0:20:090:20:13

I need ringy-dingy now!

0:20:130:20:15

Oh, I'm a terrible bell ringer. I may as well just resign myself

0:20:180:20:22

to being, what was it - a campanologist?

0:20:220:20:25

-'A campanologist IS a bell ringer.'

-Huh?

0:20:250:20:29

Sign it, sign it, sign it, sign it...

0:20:290:20:32

Sign it, sign it, sign it, sign it, sign it, sign it, sign it!

0:20:320:20:35

BELL RINGS

0:20:350:20:36

Aaargh!

0:20:360:20:38

ALL: Aargh!

0:20:400:20:43

Those bells are, like, totally tubular.

0:20:480:20:51

How you like me now, Abercrombie?!

0:20:520:20:55

Aaargh!

0:20:550:20:57

It's all so...Mitchelly!

0:20:570:20:59

I'll never stop tormenting you!

0:20:590:21:01

Stop it! Stop it!

0:21:010:21:03

Stop it! You're fired!

0:21:030:21:06

Forever! Get out!

0:21:070:21:10

Ooh, chocolate-dipped strawberries!

0:21:120:21:14

Get out!

0:21:140:21:16

We did it! We broke the curse!

0:21:160:21:19

-Wow!

-AND we got chocolate-dipped strawberries!

0:21:190:21:22

And we might've driven Abercrombie nuts. That's a plus!

0:21:220:21:26

HE SIGHS

0:21:290:21:32

ABERCROMBIE LAUGHS

0:21:340:21:37

Ah, that's nice.

0:21:370:21:40

Rawr!

0:21:460:21:47

# Two sides of the same coin

0:21:470:21:49

-# One angry man.

-One innocent boy

0:21:490:21:51

# What?! OK, maybe not innocent

0:21:510:21:54

# But I'm still the good guy here, you know, in a sense. #

0:21:540:21:57

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