Invasion of the Templetons Strange Hill High


Invasion of the Templetons

Animated series. When Templeton's attempt to blast into the cosmos backfires, he accidentally instigates an invasion by some familiar-looking aliens.


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Transcript


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EVIL LAUGHTER

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# "Creepy" ain't the word # "Freaky" ain't the word

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# "Sneaky" ain't the word

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# See, what I've observed

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# Is there's no easy way to describe this geeky place

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# Even "geeky place" doesn't tell you what I need to say

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# Cos it's Strange Hill

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# Where a talking frog can eat your face

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# It's very, very random

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# You'll get used to these debates if you stick around

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# Although I wouldn't recommend it

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# When they used the name "Strange" Mate, they really meant it

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# There's some things in life with which you just don't mess

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# On every vest I've got the letters S-O-S

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# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner

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# And what it might do if it ever found or saw you

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# Keep the lights on in the hallways all day

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# Things won't always tend to go your way

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# Watch your back and be prepared, punk

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# Wait for 3:30

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# See you there. #

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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MUSIC: Theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey"

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GASPS

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YELPS

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Tanner! Where's your science project?

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-Where's my science project?

-What? But I haven't...?

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If you haven't done it, you're in considerable trouble.

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If you haven't done it, you're in considerable trouble.

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But...I've done my own! It's whether the school tarantula

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has the intelligence to select its own party hat

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or if it needs guidance and encouragement.

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You can do it, Taranny-tula!

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Which do you want to wear for Spider Christmas?

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See what I have to put up with?

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Yes, I see. She really should...

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Oh, Tanner!

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You have three seconds to produce a science project

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or that's an F for Science.

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Isn't it S for Science?

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Tanner, your sarcasm is really testing my...

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Ooh, that gives me an idea. Shut up for one second.

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Ah-ha!

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ZAP!

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CRIES OUT

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So you're telling me your science project is a device

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that examines the effect of sarcasm on others?

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The Sarcastatron 3000 is the result of extensive research, and...

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By the way, I really like

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what you've done with your hair this morning.

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Oh, thank you.

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I use a special shampoo that tingles when...

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Tanner! You're being sarcastic, aren't you?

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DEVICE DINGS

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Abercrombie - effect of sarcasm equals rage.

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This made-up science project is fun.

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Let's try it on someone else.

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YELPS

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TEMPLETON: Greetings, my fellow carbon-based bipedal life forms.

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Templeton, I really like the new outfit.

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Thank you. It's a spacesuit.

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You don't look like a geek whatsoever.

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-Mitchell!

-Have I missed something?

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My sarcasm's having no effect. I'll have to ramp it up.

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And where are you going in this fabulous "spacesuit"?

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I certainly hope it's outer space,

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as that would be a very reasonable place

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for a boy holding two electrified potatoes to go.

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I will go boldly - and with correct grammar -

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where no-one has been before.

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I've perfected a potato-powered propulsion projectile,

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and will blast off into the cosmos to make first contact with aliens

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and possibly a space yeti.

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That's the most sensible plan to ever come from the field of science.

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-Thanks!

-Templeton, he was being sarcastic.

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Sarcastic? Sounds Greek.

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None for me - I never eat before space flight.

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Subject does not respond to normal sarcasm.

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Will try increasing to dangerous levels.

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Templeton, your project may be

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one of the greatest scientific endeavours

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undertaken by intelligent man.

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"MAY BE one of"? You underestimate me!

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You don't know me at all!

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Nobody here understands me! Not even me!

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Wow. Unexpected.

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Subject's response was most enjoyable.

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Mitchell! You've hurt his feelings...probably.

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Fine. But your logic has no place at a science fair.

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Temps, wait! I want to apolo...

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Wha...?!

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-BOTH:

-Whooaahh!

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Goodbye cruel, unaccepting world.

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Hello, potentially hostile, blood-thirsty extraterrestrials.

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Temps, please!

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I was only being a jerk in the name of science!

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Tanner! What's Weird Boy doing?

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Going to meet aliens.

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Oh? Hang on, are you being sarcastic again?

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MUSIC: Theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey"

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THEY ALL GASP

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He's slipped the surly bonds of Earth

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and touched the heavens, innit!

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A science fair project that actually worked.

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Templeton's gone?

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Temps really did it! He's a real-life astronaut!

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Actually, I'm down here.

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Perhaps the polarity of potato-powered propulsion

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presumes preponderance to positive?

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-Easy for you to say.

-Oh, thank heavens.

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For a moment, I thought I might have to give a student an A.

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Weird Boy, clean this mess up.

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Everyone else, back to class!

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Arrr, that's right - nothing to see here

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but a giant hole blasted by a potato-powered rocket ship.

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THEY ALL GROAN

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CLANG!

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If it's all right with you,

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I'll stay here until my disappointment wears off.

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If you're not coming out, we're coming in.

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And why would "we" do that?

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The alternative is going back to the science fair.

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-HE INHALES DEEPLY

-Look out below!

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HE GRUNTS

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What good are you? You're a disappointment as a potato!

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Sorry, Spud.

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It's my fault for aiming too high.

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HE SIGHS

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You might not have blasted into the cosmos,

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but you've discovered a lovely... hole.

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Has Gazza been down here?

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No, these look ancient. Like, well before the 1990s!

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Hey...

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"Press button to enter door." OK.

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HE YELPS

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HE GRUNTS

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-BOTH:

-Whoa!

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The search for aliens

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involves a lot more falling into holes than I'd anticipated.

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Boy, this place is as dusty as Mr Balding.

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-BOTH:

-Whoa!

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Aliens, locked in suspension for billions of years!

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I never thought I'd say this, but... I think Templeton is right!

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People aren't always saying that?

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Er, Temps?

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Do you have a really, really, really old uncle who went missing?

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My uncle once went missing,

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but we found him inside the sofa bed.

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That's an alien! See the giant skull?

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You doubted me, but I told you I'd discover aliens! Ha!

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THEY ALL GASP

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WHIRRING AND BEEPING

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-COMPUTER:

-Voice recognised! Emergency! Emergency!

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Abandon ship!

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He looks familiar.

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I know this is usually something you'd say, Mitchell,

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but I think in this case, I'll take the lead.

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RUN!

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THEY BOTH SCREAM

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THEY ALL GASP

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Tanner! What's going on here?

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Nothing...

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EXPLOSION

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..much.

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If I find out there's something strange going on here, Tanner...

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Er, Mr Abercrombie?

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Do not interrupt me when I'm ranting!

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-Now, as I was saying...

-Yo, Mr Abercrombie?

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Bishop! Would you like it if I interrupted you when...?

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But, Mr Abercrombie!

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What is it with this outbreak of rudeness? I blame you, Tanner!

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I suppose THAT'S my fault too?

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This is exactly what I'm talking about!

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FLYING SAUCERS!

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I'm too important to be abducted!

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The children are lighter - take them!

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Fellow students and teachers, follow my lead!

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THEY ALL SCREAM

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Which one of you brought a flying saucer armada to school?

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MUSIC FROM "CLOSE ENCOUNTERS" ON TUBA

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-Eww.

-What? It was the spaceship, not me!

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STUDENTS GASP

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I'll handle this. I'm Mr Abercrombie, leader of Earth.

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Since when?

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He's just a headmaster, and not a very good one at that, yo.

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Yeah, he, like, totally tried to sell us out to you.

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He's extremely cowardly.

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Shut up, all of you! I've regained my composure.

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We'll see about that.

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Er, hello there, um, shadowy thing.

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I'd like to welcome you to our planet.

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Please don't write on the walls... Arggh!

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-ALIEN:

-Take me to your leader.

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As I said, that's... Arggh!

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Your real leader. The one true...

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Templeton.

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-BOTH:

-Hail to you, leader of the universe.

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Eh?

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Hail to you, master of all space, time and potatoes.

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Except sweet potatoes, which are gross,

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and should not be considered potatoes.

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Hang on - I do the worshipping round here.

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No, I've come to worship you.

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-BOTH:

-But you're the leader of the universe.

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I can't be the leader of the universe, because you obviously are.

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You are. I've got an alien fleet that agrees.

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Haven't I?

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-ALIENS:

-Get on with it, already, or we'll destroy this planet.

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Plus, we've got a giant scary robot named Gary.

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TEMPLETON GASPS

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What have YOU got?

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Uh, we've got...Tyson.

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I'd rather not be drawn into this particular matter.

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Can we please get on with our invasion?

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Fine. Let me show you around.

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So, I'm the creator of all things and master of the entire universe?

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-Yes.

-Hmm, I always suspected as much.

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-MITCHELL:

-I think you'll find Templeton is responsible

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for all sorts of amazing things on this planet.

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-BOTH:

-Thank you.

-HE GASPS

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An invasion by aliens who don't respond to sarcasm?

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No-o-o-o-o-o-o!

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We call these "backpacks". We fill them with sweets!

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Sweets... and brightly coloured ribbons!

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We'll put these ribbons in your hair!

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And, like, on Earth, when we see someone different to us,

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we say, "Ewwwww!"

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-Now you try.

-Ew.

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No, say it with more disdain,

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like this person has totally ruined your day just by existing.

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Ewwwwww!

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Good. Now sneer when you say it.

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Ewwwwww!

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Now like you've just seen them eat something from their nose.

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Ewwwwww!

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TEMPLETON: Your book looks very impressive.

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Does it contain the sum of all knowledge in the universe?

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Uh, no. It only contains things that are quite dull.

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I just carry it around so I'll know where it is.

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I understand completely. So let me tell you about Earth.

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It has some interesting features... like doors.

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Doors open and close.

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Open. Close.

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Open. Close.

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By the way, how many kilos do you weigh?

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And do you prefer a side salad or roasted vegetables?

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I usually only eat beige things.

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"First baste, then leave to slow-cook for 40 minutes"?!

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-Do you mind?!

-No, do you?

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That looked like a recipe!

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We have no such things as "recipes" on our planet.

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And we certainly don't know how to prepare food.

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Then you should meet our school cook. You'd really hit it off.

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Come, Templeton. Let us go somewhere where people don't say silly things.

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Hmm. You know this invasion by aliens who resemble our friend?

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-Yeah?

-Something very strange about it.

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That book!

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I never thought I'd say this,

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and it goes against my every instinct, but...

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we've got to read that book!

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Attention!

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I'm not very good at these things

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and I know we got off on the wrong foot,

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but any friend of...

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What is his name? "Weird Boy"?

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Well, any friend of his is...

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ZAPPING Argh!

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THUMP! Oh!

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Now's our chance!

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Humans, listen!

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For it has been written: in the beginning, there was Templeton.

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And he said, "Let there be potatoes."

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And it was good. Especially with butter and baco-bits.

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And, lo, the potato has many purposes, unlike the yam.

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BOTH IN ROBOTIC VOICES: Yams are useless!

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The spud has powered our centuries-long search

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for our creator.

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"How to serve Templeton..."

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That could be interpreted in a number of different ways.

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"..as a delicious dish to eat."

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We searched far and wide for our creator,

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double and triple-checking places, and looking again just in case...

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The alien's book! It's a cookbook!

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No, it's not. Now go away.

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"How To Serve Templeton - A Cookbook, featuring Roast Templeton,

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"Templeton Pie, Bangers & Temps, Tempshire Pudding..."

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Templeton, they've come to eat you and in a very tasty fashion!

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THEY GASP

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ALL: Eugh! Eugh! Eugh!

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That's ridiculous.

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What gives you that idea?

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OK, OK, I'm too hungry to lie any more.

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We Templeton aliens are too pure to eat anything not Templeton-related

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and what could be more Templeton-y than Templeton?

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We've travelled billions of light years and we're hungry and...

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Oh, pass the hot sauce and dibs on a leg!

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-No-one eats our friend!

-ALIEN: Argh!

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Come on!

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You can't stop us. Unleash...

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-BEEPING

-..Gary.

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ZAPPING AND YELPING

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That's it, Gary! Shoot randomly!

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Argh!

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THEY SCREAM

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We've got to think of a plan to defeat the aliens!

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Becky, think of a plan.

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That would be a lot easier if you weren't standing on my foot.

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That's not me. It's the person standing behind us.

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The person standing behind us!

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Why did you turn it off?

0:13:390:13:40

If I can't see him, he might not be there.

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That's definitely Gary.

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Then I'm going to panic now.

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-OK. Me too.

-I'm not.

-Suit yourself.

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THEY SCREAM

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Run! Come on!

0:13:530:13:55

So have I nagged you into thinking of a good plan?

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Not quite, but if we look like Templetons

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and think like Templetons, we might be able to figure out

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what the Templeton aliens are going to do.

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No, I'm Templeton and even I can't figure that out.

0:14:060:14:09

Let's look at this situation sarcastically.

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Temps, if you were you and leading the most successful invasion ever,

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what would you not want to do?

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Well, I wouldn't want to sneak on to the mother ship

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and transmit a web of illogicalities

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leading the armada to turn on each other and destroy themselves.

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Then by the laws of sarcasm, let's do that.

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To the mother ship to make sure

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no-one transmits a web of illogicalities

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leading the armada to turn on each other

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and destroy themselves.

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Yes, that's the last thing we'd want someone to do.

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As soon as we have the creator in our hands,

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we will destroy this planet.

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Goodbye cruel, unaccepting world!

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Mwahahaha!

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I may say stuff like that, but I always mean it with good intentions.

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Now, to confuse the aliens.

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We need to get hold of his royal talky thingy!

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BLEEPING

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Ah-ha!

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You don't get to be an evil emperor

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without perfecting your sudden twirl.

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Now what do you want?

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-IN GOOFY VOICE:

-Your Gooberiness, we're here to, uh,

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obsessively check the communicators.

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That doesn't sound anything like me!

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And, you! You look rather girlish for a Templeton alien.

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Girls make us uncomfortable.

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What are you doing here?

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-IN DORKY VOICE:

-I'm, uh, here

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because I do not need to be anywhere else.

0:15:310:15:34

-Makes sense.

-That doesn't sound like me either!

0:15:340:15:36

And, you. Weird looking one.

0:15:360:15:38

Why are you here?

0:15:380:15:40

-I'm here because...

-Imposter!

-What?

0:15:400:15:41

You look and sound nothing like a Templeton!

0:15:410:15:44

But I'm the only real one here!

0:15:440:15:46

Oops.

0:15:460:15:47

They're all imposters! Gary alert!

0:15:470:15:48

THEY SCREAM

0:15:480:15:50

Gary is so annoying!

0:15:530:15:56

Shoot randomly!

0:15:560:15:57

-Wait!

-Why?

0:15:570:15:59

Because I shouted "Wait!" quite loudly?

0:15:590:16:02

The creator!

0:16:020:16:04

Praise him!

0:16:040:16:05

-Now grab him!

-Aww...

0:16:050:16:07

Now let's get out of here.

0:16:070:16:08

Prepare to destroy this planet, er, um...what's it called?

0:16:080:16:11

-My-butt-now.

-Prepare to wipe out My-butt-now!

-Mitchell!

0:16:110:16:15

What?

0:16:150:16:17

ENGINE POWERS UP

0:16:220:16:25

-Help!

-They're going to destroy the world!

0:16:250:16:28

Like, what did they say?

0:16:280:16:30

I don't know, something about "Joy to every boy and girl," innit?

0:16:300:16:32

That's a lame thing to say when you're being abducted.

0:16:320:16:36

BEEPING AND LEVERS RATTLE

0:16:450:16:47

If I had access to my emotions,

0:16:470:16:49

I imagine this would be quite magnificent.

0:16:490:16:51

Not as magnificent as you'll taste with gravy and a dash of nutmeg.

0:16:510:16:55

I'm starting to think they ARE up to something.

0:16:550:16:57

Silence! By talking, you're letting the flavour out!

0:16:570:17:00

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense(!)

0:17:000:17:02

I'm starting to think your words of encouragement

0:17:050:17:07

are not meant as words of encouragement.

0:17:070:17:10

-Duh, yeah?

-Stop!

0:17:100:17:12

How'd you like to be ejected into the void of space for all eternity?

0:17:120:17:16

-Sounds like loads of fun.

-Then so be it. Gary!

0:17:160:17:19

Eject those two humans from the airlock.

0:17:190:17:21

THEY GASP AND GARY BEEPS

0:17:210:17:23

Templeton! Help! My sarcasm's powerless against these aliens!

0:17:240:17:28

-Are you being sarcastic?

-No!

0:17:280:17:30

-Was that sarcastic?

-No!

0:17:300:17:32

-What about that?

-Templeton! Just ignore Mitchell!

0:17:320:17:35

If you are the ultimate master of the universe,

0:17:350:17:38

now's the time to make it count!

0:17:380:17:39

Don't listen to them!

0:17:390:17:41

They don't appreciate you.

0:17:410:17:42

You're better off with us - we're just like you.

0:17:420:17:44

What you're saying makes logical sense.

0:17:440:17:47

Logical, but they're still going to eat you!

0:17:470:17:49

Logical nonetheless.

0:17:490:17:50

Sometimes the important things don't have to make sense!

0:17:500:17:53

I'm telling you this with every unsarcastic bone of my body -

0:17:530:17:56

I like you!

0:17:560:17:57

Ignore them! They don't make sense!

0:17:590:18:01

You need to be with your own type! It's only logical!

0:18:010:18:04

-You're just like us!

-No...

0:18:040:18:08

I'm not!

0:18:080:18:09

Because I have friends!

0:18:090:18:11

Gary, as creator of the universe, I order you to help my friends!

0:18:110:18:17

What's that strange feeling I feel inside me?

0:18:170:18:20

It's friendship and warmth and love and emotion!

0:18:200:18:24

HE BURPS

0:18:240:18:25

Yes, or it might just have been

0:18:250:18:26

a spot of wind from all the excitement.

0:18:260:18:28

I suppose you humans think you're clever now, don't you?

0:18:310:18:34

Smarter than you.

0:18:340:18:35

Temps, are you sure you can fly this thing home?

0:18:350:18:37

You believe in me, right?

0:18:370:18:39

Of course we do!

0:18:390:18:40

Sure! I'm too worn out to be sarcastic.

0:18:400:18:42

Very well, then. Computer, let's go home!

0:18:420:18:46

SHIP POWERS DOWN

0:18:460:18:49

CRASHING

0:18:490:18:52

I'm sure that's fine.

0:18:520:18:54

Yeah, nothing to worry about.

0:18:540:18:55

Hey, there's my sarcasm back.

0:18:560:18:58

ALARM BLARES

0:18:580:19:00

-What have you done?!

-I think I broke it.

0:19:000:19:03

OVER INTERCOM: 'You are home and you are not home.

0:19:030:19:06

'You are here, there, everywhere and nowhere maybe.

0:19:060:19:09

'You have reached your destination - the moment before the Big Bang.'

0:19:090:19:13

Oopsy-daisykins.

0:19:130:19:15

"Oopsy-daisykins"?!

0:19:150:19:16

That's what you say at the moment before the Big Bang?

0:19:160:19:19

The explosion at the beginning of time that created everything?

0:19:190:19:23

You've stranded us before time and space existed!

0:19:230:19:26

-It could be worse.

-Worse?!

0:19:260:19:28

We're stuck forever and forever hasn't even been invented yet!

0:19:280:19:32

Invented yet?!

0:19:320:19:34

I just wanted to repeat things in a shocked manner like you.

0:19:340:19:36

-Sorry.

-Bah, what does it matter now?

0:19:360:19:39

Airlock, engage!

0:19:390:19:41

THEY YELP

0:19:410:19:43

My potato!

0:19:430:19:45

Some cream!

0:19:460:19:49

Spring onions!

0:19:490:19:51

And just a dash of pepper!

0:19:510:19:53

My, that was a big bang!

0:19:590:20:01

Big Bang? Uh, Temps?

0:20:010:20:04

I think you just created the universe with a potato!

0:20:040:20:06

Cool!

0:20:060:20:08

ALL: Argh!

0:20:100:20:13

THEY YELP AND SHOUT

0:20:130:20:16

THEY GRUNT

0:20:160:20:18

BEEPING

0:20:260:20:28

The Big Bang? The creation of all things?

0:20:300:20:33

Templeton was the supreme being after all!

0:20:330:20:36

In the beginning Templeton created all things.

0:20:360:20:39

He held aloft the potato and spake, "My potato!"

0:20:390:20:43

He sprinkled the required ingredients

0:20:430:20:46

as specified in the recipe

0:20:460:20:48

and created the tasty dish known as...

0:20:480:20:51

the universe.

0:20:510:20:53

And thus the universe was born.

0:20:550:20:58

Eh? Sorry. I wasn't listening.

0:20:580:21:00

Could you start again?

0:21:000:21:02

Earthlings!

0:21:020:21:04

BEEPING

0:21:050:21:07

-Wow!

-Hey!

0:21:090:21:11

Where are we?!

0:21:110:21:13

ENGINE POWERS UP

0:21:140:21:17

It's us!

0:21:200:21:21

Beezers, what happened?

0:21:230:21:24

Dunno, but we're home.

0:21:240:21:25

And I discovered aliens and went into the cosmos!

0:21:250:21:29

Aw, but I didn't find a space yeti.

0:21:290:21:31

But you did create the universe with a potato.

0:21:310:21:33

Not bad for a science project.

0:21:330:21:36

Everything's back to normal.

0:21:360:21:38

Well, normal enough.

0:21:380:21:40

Hey, how'd you like to be part of a science project?

0:21:420:21:44

BEEPING

0:21:440:21:45

# Feels like I know the face

0:21:450:21:47

# As if I've seen it before

0:21:470:21:49

# They're taking over me

0:21:490:21:52

# Is it a dream, are you sure?

0:21:520:21:54

# Feels like I know the face

0:21:540:21:56

# Is it a dream, are you sure? #

0:21:560:22:00

When Templeton's science fair attempt to blast into the cosmos backfires, he accidentally instigates a full-blown alien invasion - by aliens that seem remarkably familiar and have come to pay homage to the creator of the universe... Templeton?!