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The 101% Solution Strange Hill High

The 101% Solution

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CREEPY LAUGHTER

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# Creepy ain't the word Freaky ain't the word

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# Sneaky ain't the word

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# See, what I've observed Is there's no easy way

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# To describe this geeky place

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# Even geeky place doesn't tell you what I need to say

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# This is Strange Hill

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# Where a talking frog can eat your face

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# It's very, very random

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# You'll get used to these debates if you stick around

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# Although I wouldn't recommend it

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# When they used the name "Strange"

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# Mate, they really meant it

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# There's some things is life with which you just don't mess

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# On every vest I've got the letters SOS

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# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner

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# And what it might do if it ever found or saw you

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# Keep the lights on in the hallways, all day

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# Things won't always tend to go your way

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# Watch your back and be prepared

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# Can't wait for 3:30

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# See you there! #

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BELL RINGS

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"A boy takes the 8:45 train to see his grandfather 91 miles away.

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"If the train travels at 75kmph..."

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Arrrgh! Who cares? Do you guys care?

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Not especially.

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I don't want to see my grandpa - do you?

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Nah, he smells like eggs.

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Good. Let's party!

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Number par-tay! Five, five, funky five!

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Four, four, hit the floor...

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Mitchell, you got distracted again!

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We're taking a test.

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And it's, like, rude not to invite others to a party in your head.

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-BELL RINGS

-End of exam.

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Hand in your completed exams or, in the case of Mitchell,

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pieces of paper with doodles of spaceships on them.

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Hey! These are pretty good!

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2%?

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At least he gave me points for writing my name.

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Hey, your name's not "Captain Mitchell."

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Sure it is.

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Captain Mitchell, sir?

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I'm concerned you're truly terrible inability to do maths

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will one day create an enormous crisis,

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threatening the fabric of existence.

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HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

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As if. Maths is stupid. And useless.

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When in my life am I ever going to need maths?

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Mitchell. Give us 69% of your dinner money.

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In the ratio 2:3:1.

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Or we'll give you the massive wedgie, yo.

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Uh-oh...

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Stupid maths! I hates ya!

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-Lemme at you. I'll tear you a new manominator.

-Denominator.

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I'm the denominator dominator - grrr!

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You can't afford to get another low grade.

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In order to pass Maths, you'll need to get...

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..101% on the next five assignments.

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I'm afraid there's more bad news, Captain, sir.

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He's not a captain, just cos he said he's one five minutes ago!

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Nimrod's just given us our new homework.

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It's Assignment 51.

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THEY GASP

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Assignment 51! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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The world's hardest homework assignment!

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THEY SCREAM

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Even genius types like me

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are humbled before its mind-boggling complexity.

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There was that one boy who passed it. In the 1950s.

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Ian Gatlurn.

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R-I-I-IP!

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Mitchell, look! He got 101% on Assignment 51!

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That's what you need.

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A 101% assignment is impossible!

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Or inspirational?

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It's inspired me

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to steal his old assignment and copy it.

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Mitchell, this is wrong!

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Do you want me to fail and have to attend summer school?

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But it's cheating!

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Cheating on one assignment is not cheating.

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It is! You actually used the word to describe what you're doing!

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All I'm saying is let's just cheat on this one assignment.

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-There!

-Where?! What did I say?

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"Let's just CHEAT on this one assignment."

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Great idea! Come on!

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Oh...!

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I don't know how I get talked into doing these things.

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Easy. I say things in a persuasive way

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and then you get carried away by enthusiasm.

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Yes! That's it! You're so right!

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Urgh! Not this time. I won't follow you one more inch.

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Great. You can distract Miss Grimshaw

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while Templeton and I climb down and steal the papers.

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That's a brilliant plan! Right on it!

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We're here.

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OK. Once Becky distracts her, you lower me down on this rope.

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-When we're done with all of this, can I remain tied to you?

-No.

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Oh, where have I put that...?

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-Hi, Miss Grimshaw, I was just...

-No...

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I wanted a permission slip to use the, uh...laminator...?

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You can't just request a permission slip -

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you need permission!

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Fill in this permission slip, request permission slip.

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Pen! Have you got a pen?

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Have you got a pen request form?

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-No, I...

-Oh...

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How can I fill in this pen request form without a pen?

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I can lend you a pen.

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-Have you ever applied for a pen loan before?

-No.

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A-ha!

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I didn't give her permission to go!

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Oh, here it is. "Permission to run away."

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Oh!

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The Gatlurn File!

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Man...look at all these perfect scores.

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Assignment 51! And look!

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"To be filed away where no-one can ever find it,

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"especially some lazy future kid."

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Hey, that's me!

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I'm Lazy Future Kid!

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Beware the Gatlurn File!

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Oh, hi, Murdoch.

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Got another one of your ominous warnings for us?

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Aye. Those be the unholy calculations of Ian Gatlurn.

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That boy tampered with workings-out that best be left un-worked-out.

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No ball games! Ye'll break the winders!

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CHILD YELPS

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Gatlurn solved the unsolvable assignment

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and terrible things happened.

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Then the G-Men came.

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And young Gatlurn was never seen again.

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-The G-Men?

-Arr.

-The R-Men?

-No, the G-Men.

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-The G-Men.

-Aye.

-The I-Men?

-Eh?

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-The A-Men?

-No!

-This is confusing. Gee...

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That's them! Y-y-yeah, the G-Men!

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No-one must ever revive the twisted maths

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Ian Gatlurn conjured in that accursed homework.

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Before it's too late, I warn ye...

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BELL RINGS

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C'mon, guys, let's submit this to Nimrod before it's too late.

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-No...arr...

-Argh!

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67%? Does my sucking up count for nothing?

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Oh...

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Mitchell! What if something terrible happens?

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You're always worrying about something terrible happening,

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and does it?

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-Yes.

-Then stop worrying about it.

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I'm sorry, Mitchell. I'm afraid I can't grade that paper.

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Grade the paper, Nimrod.

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I can't do that, Mitchell.

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Mitchell, could you please stop this?

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I need 101% or I'll get summer school,

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and "Summer" and "School" are two words

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that do not belong together.

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Now, grade the paper, Nimrod.

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60% correct. 82% correct.

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Keep grading, Nimrod!

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96% correct...

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99%...100% correct.

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All that worrying for...

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101% - uh-oh.

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MITCHELL CHUCKLES

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ELECTRICITY CRACKLES, KIDS SCREAM

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As I was saying, there's nothing to worry about.

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I don't understand it. You just can't get 101%.

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It's as impossible as a headmaster with three...eyes.

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Multiple eyes on you!

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What's going on?

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-Why are there three of everything?

-But there's always...

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..been three of us.

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-One...

-..plus one...

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..equals three.

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Don't be silly - one plus one equals th...ree.

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-Oh! I meant to say "two"!

-Mitchell!

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You've broken MATHS!

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Yes! I killed three birds with one stone.

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I think this might be bad.

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How could Broken Maths be bad?

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Well, it violates all the rules of the universe.

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Also, Templeton's shouting at his flip-flops.

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Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

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But one plus one equals three is cool.

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It's what I always thought it was anyway.

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Plus, I get more chops.

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-That's too many chops.

-No.

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It's THREE many.

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Tanner! I hear you came top in Maths.

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Explain.

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It's a status awarded to the person with the highest mark?

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I know what "top" means.

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I want to know how you became it.

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With a kind of easy style.

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Well, then tell me, Mr Pythagoras - what's 202 x 11.5?

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-Four.

-Four?! What nonsense, I...

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Oh...but...

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3,197 divided by 139?

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Zero.

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Wha...?! The square root of 529?

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Banana football.

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How are you doing this?! How are you cheating?

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Leave the boy be. Can't you see he's a mathematical genius?

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-Genius?!

-Genius?!

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He must've been putting on a stupid act all this time out of modesty.

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Uh...yeah! Nobody could be THAT stupid!

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Duuuhhh! See? Just an act.

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Maybe it's time Mitchell taught us something, hmm?

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But he's not a genius! He...

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Now, Templeton, just because you look like a textbook nerd

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with your thick glasses and mismatching socks

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doesn't mean you're smarter than Mitchell here.

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-101%? He just...!

-The very thought...!

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You just rest your little brains and leave the teaching to me.

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-This...ridic...absur...argh!

-Why...but...now...grrrr!

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One headmaster, plus one chair, equals four pins in the bum.

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It's so obvious when you see it written down!

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Ah! Grrr...

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-BOING!

-Ow!

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And if you divide three Insanity Bars

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between four people,

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you get...100 Insanity Bars!

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Each! It's Mitchell Math!

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CHEERING

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Gah!

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And the Maths trophy has totally got to go to Mitchell Tanner,

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for his proof that one equals four.

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CHEERING

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Gah!

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I always hoped that, one day, it would be me

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in the huge undeserved maths genius hallway portrait.

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Mitchell, I know praise is wonderful

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and undeserved acclaim is even more delicious,

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but DON'T YOU THINK DESTROYING MATHS AS WE KNOW IT

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MIGHT BE A TAD DANGEROUS?!

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Please! How could a small hole in the fabric of reality be dangerous?

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You three! Stop being inverted!

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And you! No infinite recursion!

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And you - get out of that representation

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of 10-dimensional space-time this instant!

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It tickles!

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-OMINOUS VOICE:

-Where is...Mitchell Tanner?

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Ah...I suppose it's not all bad.

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SQUELCH!

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Uh...we've got to find a way to fix this before it gets any worse.

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Fix it? Who would want to fix THIS?

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I do.

0:11:330:11:34

It's the nefarious Men In Black!

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Actually, just Man In Black. Budget cuts.

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Agent Vector, Ministry of Applied Mathematics. G-Man.

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-Oh!

-Oh, man.

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-Don't start that again.

-Come with me.

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Give me one good reason.

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Because if you don't, the math irregularity will spread

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until the universe collapses under the weight of its own confusion.

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Give me another good reason...?

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Mitchell! Stop arguing and go with the sinister man!

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He's here to save us.

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The lady is right.

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We can contain this problem right now with a little cover-up.

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You mean like a government cover-up, like this never happened?

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No, I mean cover up the school in 10,000 tons of concrete.

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We need to contain everything and everyone affected by this anomaly

0:12:110:12:14

before it spreads beyond the school.

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Everything and everyone?!

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SHE GASPS

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Everyone but Mitchell.

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I'll need to take his brain.

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WHIRRING

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Arrrrgggghhhh!

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This is the last straw! I'm the genius here!

0:12:270:12:30

I refer you to my letter to Santa, age six.

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"Dear Santa..."

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Mitchell, must you shatter ALL my dreams?

0:12:400:12:43

THEY SCREAM

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Typical.

0:12:450:12:46

The day I become a genius,

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they start scooping out genius brains!

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Maybe that's what they did with Ian Gatlurn.

0:12:550:12:57

He's the only one who could help us now.

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I can help! I'm a real genius!

0:12:590:13:01

OK, genius, how do we get away from this dude in black?

0:13:010:13:04

Let me think...

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-Argh!

-Oh!

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That's how!

0:13:080:13:09

What?!

0:13:140:13:15

Whoa...spaghetti and mathballs.

0:13:160:13:20

We've got to do something before they bury the school in concrete!

0:13:200:13:23

I don't like being encased in concrete for eternity!

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It's not one of my favourite things!

0:13:260:13:27

It'd be nice not to lose my brain.

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That's it!

0:13:290:13:30

If I just use my brain for once,

0:13:300:13:32

maybe I can figure out a real solution!

0:13:320:13:34

Oh...uh...nngghh...

0:13:340:13:38

Nope. Nothing. All I'm good at is snappy comebacks.

0:13:380:13:41

I've got you now.

0:13:410:13:42

So stop and let me slice open your nice, juicy melon.

0:13:420:13:46

Not before you take THESE melons!

0:13:460:13:49

I've got to say, you're very good at the snappy comebacks thing.

0:13:490:13:53

YELLING AND WHIRRING

0:13:530:13:55

Uh-oh!

0:14:050:14:06

Whoa, take my brain!

0:14:080:14:10

Look, I've even drawn convenient cut lines for you.

0:14:100:14:12

Have a slice!

0:14:120:14:14

Eh...oh...ah...

0:14:140:14:16

Brrr!

0:14:210:14:22

This must be where Cook takes the food to make it all cold

0:14:220:14:25

before he serves it.

0:14:250:14:26

THUMPING

0:14:260:14:28

You can't stay in there forever!

0:14:280:14:30

OK.

0:14:300:14:32

Tell us when it's two minutes before forever and we'll come out.

0:14:320:14:34

That shut him up.

0:14:340:14:35

Now you have a chance to think of a plan, Becks.

0:14:350:14:38

Hmm - trapped in a freezer in a world gone mathy

0:14:380:14:41

in a school that's about to be buried in concrete.

0:14:410:14:44

Not a lot of past experiences I can call upon.

0:14:440:14:47

Ah - thanks for scratching my head for me.

0:14:470:14:50

Huh? I'm not doing anything.

0:14:500:14:52

THEY GASP

0:14:520:14:53

It's Ian Gatlurn!

0:14:530:14:56

Look, your...HIS paper!

0:14:560:14:58

It's Gatlurn, all right. Let's defrost him - he can help us!

0:14:580:15:02

Can you just defrost someone like that?

0:15:020:15:04

"Do not defrost me until the future."

0:15:040:15:06

-It's the future now.

-No, it's not. It's the present.

0:15:060:15:09

-Now is it the future?

-Nope. Still present day.

0:15:090:15:11

-How about now?

-No.

-Now?

-No.

-Now?

-No.

0:15:110:15:13

-NOW?

-No.

0:15:130:15:15

Forget the future, we need this nerd now!

0:15:190:15:21

Ah-ha!

0:15:210:15:23

Oof!

0:15:270:15:28

Oof!

0:15:280:15:29

It's like it was made for me.

0:15:310:15:33

Seriously, I could be SO much use to you.

0:15:330:15:36

Perhaps you can...

0:15:360:15:38

This isn't working fast enough. I'll try and chip some off.

0:15:400:15:43

-Be careful!

-I'm always careful.

0:15:430:15:45

See?

0:15:480:15:49

Uh-oh...

0:15:510:15:52

CRASH!

0:15:520:15:53

THEY GASP

0:15:530:15:55

The year 2000!

0:15:550:15:58

I've been awoken in the future,

0:15:580:16:00

where my superior mind can be appreciated!

0:16:000:16:03

Let the discourse begin!

0:16:030:16:05

Whassup?

0:16:050:16:06

THUDDING

0:16:060:16:09

Oh! Ah!

0:16:090:16:12

What is going on?

0:16:120:16:14

I've been frozen for 40 years -

0:16:140:16:17

the least you could do is assemble a worshipping throng

0:16:170:16:20

to bow down at my feet.

0:16:200:16:22

OK, two things with that -

0:16:220:16:24

you've been frozen for slightly longer...

0:16:240:16:26

And...you've got no feet.

0:16:260:16:28

Uh, I accidentally cut your head off.

0:16:280:16:30

WHAT?! You blithering idiots!

0:16:300:16:32

Yes, blither, blither. Can you tell us how to fix Maths?

0:16:320:16:35

Maths?! I care nothing for Maths!

0:16:350:16:39

But...aren't you the genius who broke all numbers and that?

0:16:390:16:42

Oh! I've left feeble Maths behind.

0:16:420:16:45

True enlightenment can only be found by studying the mysteries of...

0:16:450:16:49

Geography!

0:16:490:16:51

-Did you know Mongolia...?

-Ugh, can somebody shut this guy up?

0:16:510:16:54

THEY YELL

0:16:540:16:56

Argh!

0:16:560:16:57

Thank you.

0:16:570:16:58

Does anyone have an aspirin?

0:17:000:17:01

This is your last chance, buddy. Come with me if you want to live.

0:17:010:17:04

In a jar.

0:17:040:17:05

OK, OK. Chill out...

0:17:050:17:08

Come on.

0:17:100:17:11

A fascinating thing about the longitude of Scotland

0:17:110:17:15

-is...flooble geeble gorn!

-What?!

0:17:150:17:17

His annoying chattering's not even making sense. What's going on?

0:17:170:17:21

Oh, the frozen boy.

0:17:230:17:25

I defrosted him by accident a few years back,

0:17:250:17:28

thinking he was a Christmas ham.

0:17:280:17:30

I froze him back up again.

0:17:300:17:31

So you mean he's gone bad?

0:17:310:17:32

-Could be past his due date.

-Uh-oh.

0:17:320:17:35

"Best before 2003".

0:17:350:17:37

Come on.

0:17:370:17:38

He'll still be good for cookin', though.

0:17:400:17:42

Maths, ew!

0:17:460:17:48

At least we've lost the G-Man.

0:17:480:17:49

But if we don't figure out how to stop the anomaly,

0:17:490:17:52

he'll be burying us all in concrete!

0:17:520:17:54

Tanner! What have you done with my third dimension?!

0:17:540:17:58

Just tell us how to stop this!

0:18:000:18:02

Only Geography can illuminate the mysteries of reality.

0:18:020:18:06

East Germany is divided

0:18:060:18:08

into...giggle goggle hamburger!

0:18:080:18:11

Urgh! We're finished. He's bonkers.

0:18:110:18:13

You've got to think of a way to solve this.

0:18:130:18:15

How could I solve it?! I'm rubbish at Maths.

0:18:150:18:19

I'm more likely to get minus-1% than 101%.

0:18:190:18:21

No, you're not! They're both equally impossible.

0:18:210:18:24

That's it!

0:18:240:18:26

What if I wrote a new assignment that was so bad it got minus-1%?

0:18:260:18:31

That could bring Maths back into balance!

0:18:310:18:32

No, it couldn't! You can't get minus-1%!

0:18:320:18:36

Can you do it, Mitchell?

0:18:360:18:38

Can you write the world's worst maths homework?

0:18:380:18:41

This is the job I was born for.

0:18:410:18:43

No, it isn't.

0:18:430:18:45

Get ready to begin Operation Bury Entire School In Concrete.

0:18:450:18:49

Stop! You don't have to do this!

0:18:520:18:55

We've got a way to fix Maths!

0:18:550:18:57

Nimrod, I'm back -

0:18:590:19:01

and I've brought some bad maths with me!

0:19:010:19:03

Oh, great(!)

0:19:030:19:05

Please, Mr Sinister Man! Just give us a few minutes!

0:19:050:19:09

-Too late! It's pouring!

-Arrgghh!

0:19:090:19:13

Arrgghh!

0:19:130:19:15

Templeton! Now!

0:19:150:19:18

WHIZZING

0:19:180:19:19

And they said I were crazy for standing atop a school

0:19:210:19:24

with a harpoon made out of a plunger!

0:19:240:19:27

Ha-ha-ha-har! Well, who's crazy now?!

0:19:270:19:31

Besides me?

0:19:310:19:33

And the square root of 81 is... oh, I don't know...hamburger.

0:19:330:19:37

"If 7x times 2y is 479, what is y?"

0:19:370:19:42

-Y is...

-Greeble!

0:19:420:19:44

Greeble. Thank you, Ian.

0:19:440:19:45

No probloblobob, Norway...

0:19:450:19:49

Hurry, Mitchell!

0:19:490:19:51

We can't fight off these concrete-pouring helicopters forever.

0:19:510:19:55

She said, saying something no-one's ever said before!

0:19:550:19:59

One last problem. "7 divided by 3 is..."

0:19:590:20:03

Quickly! The anomaly's spreading!

0:20:030:20:05

But this is my last answer. It's got to be a real zinger.

0:20:050:20:08

No, it doesn't! You don't need a wisecrack to save the world,

0:20:080:20:11

just put anything that's not correct,

0:20:110:20:13

which is everything in the whole wide world but...

0:20:130:20:16

2.33333333.

0:20:160:20:19

Thank you! That!

0:20:190:20:20

-Hmmm...

-Mitchell! World ending!

0:20:200:20:24

I'll just put...

0:20:240:20:25

Refrigerator tomater!

0:20:250:20:27

It'll have to do.

0:20:270:20:28

Mitchell, wait!

0:20:300:20:31

You got the answers all wrong, but that'll just give you a zero!

0:20:310:20:35

You need minus-1!

0:20:350:20:38

Name - "Oogie Meatballs."

0:20:390:20:41

Incorrect. Wrong. Laughable. Really?

0:20:430:20:47

Dreadful trousers.

0:20:470:20:49

You can't even spell your name right?

0:20:500:20:52

What's wrong with you, Captain Mitchell?

0:20:520:20:55

Whoa!

0:20:570:20:59

Ah! Back to my old dynamic self!

0:21:010:21:06

Bye! It was fun to be in crazy world with you!

0:21:060:21:10

Urgh - OK, then.

0:21:110:21:13

Begin Operation Don't Encase The Entire School In Concrete.

0:21:130:21:17

Mitchell, you just saved the world.

0:21:200:21:23

Surely somebody will regard you as a genius for that.

0:21:230:21:27

Why so glum?

0:21:270:21:28

I miss Broken Maths.

0:21:280:21:29

Don't worry. I'm sure you'll muck it up again!

0:21:290:21:33

Hey, I made a snappy comeback!

0:21:330:21:35

In Albania, stew is made of...

0:21:370:21:40

Aw, stop yackin' and start flavourin'!

0:21:400:21:44

# Who'd have thought breaking Maths could be a bad thing?

0:21:460:21:49

# Two plus two

0:21:490:21:50

# I can make it five and I'd still be right

0:21:500:21:54

# Four plus four

0:21:540:21:56

# I can make it nine and it'll all be fine. #

0:21:560:21:59

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