Episode 8 The Dog Ate My Homework


Episode 8

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Transcript


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CHEERING

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Oh, hello!

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-Hello, are you all well?

-CROWD CHEERS

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Yes. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

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I'm Iain Stirling and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework,

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a panel show all about school.

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Now, I'm going to be pretty controversial here. I like school.

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Think it's good. There, I said it.

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There's elements of school that can be 100% bad.

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100% bad like Brussels sprouts

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or your dad wearing tiny Speedo shorts on holiday.

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Especially when he combines them with sandals and a bum bag.

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That is not a good look.

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That 100% bad thing is exams. I hate exams.

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There is nothing worse than waking up in the morning

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knowing you've got an exam that day.

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You get in bed and you're just thinking of any excuse

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to not have to go to school that day.

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You just go, "Mum, I can't go to school today...I've got...

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"I've got a bad limp. I don't think I'll be able to make it in."

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One time, instead of thinking of the stuff I'd actually learned

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all I had in my head was the Wimbledon theme tune.

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-WIMBLEDON THEME PLAYS

-Well, I mean its a good theme tune

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but it's no use to me when I'm trying to find out

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the square root of 196.

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TENNIS BALLS ARE HIT TO AND FRO

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Forget it. I don't know where that music came from.

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It's so easy to get distracted in exams.

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Once during a Geography exam I spent the whole hour

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imagining what it would be like if instead of crying,

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babies just barked like a dog.

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Which is a funny thing to think of but it's not good in an exam.

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You answer the questions wrong.

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It's not my fault the question was misleading.

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They asked me, "How do you stop getting dangerous gases in mines?"

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And I wrote, "Stop giving the miners baked beans."

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Right, let's get on with this thing.

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So could we have the school bell, please?

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YODELLING

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I'm going to have to get that fixed. Right, let's meet the teams.

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APPLAUSE

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OK. On my left is someone who has very high standards at school.

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She never copies off people who can't spell.

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Please give it up for Louisa, everybody.

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And in Louisa's team -

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his report card says he has many talents,

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one of which is playing the drums,

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I know he can because he keeps on banging on about it -

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it's James Acaster.

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Hello.

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And over there - he got fed up of being a teacher

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so he wanted another job that lets you stand around

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talking to yourself all day, he became a comedian -

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it's Romesh Ranganathan.

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Give it up for Louisa's team, everybody.

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APPLAUSE

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And on my right is a boy who sold his art homework

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to the Museum of Modern Art for 100 billion dollars -

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-it's Gabriel.

-Whoo!

-APPLAUSE

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And on Gabriel's team - her dancing dog, Pudsey,

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won Britain's Got Talent and is now working on a movie....

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but I bet he still drinks out the toilet though -

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it's Ashleigh Butler.

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APPLAUSE

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And from Radio One - there's nothing he likes better

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than interviewing famous celebrities...

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He can do that another day - it's Chris Stark.

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Please give it up for both the teams!

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OK, listen up. Here's how this thing works.

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For every game you win, I'll bestow upon you a gold star.

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AUDIENCE OOHS

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Yes. And if you're really good, I'll bestow upon you a bonus gold star.

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AUDIENCE OOHS

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But if you're bad, I will un-bestow it.

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Un-bestow is a word that I've just invented.

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-Get rid of it, get rid of the stars.

-AUDIENCE AHHS

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That's right, people, you know how this thing works.

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-It's Iain's School, so it's...

-AUDIENCE:

-Iain's rules!

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Yes, they're my rules but I don't let it go to my head.

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The team with the most gold stars at the end of the show

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get to hand in their homework. But watch out, the losers,

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your homework goes straight into Big Dog's dinner dish

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and you'll end up in detention with our delightful PE teacher Mr Smash.

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GRUNTING

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They share everything including fleas.

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Right, enough shirking, let's get working.

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PUDSEY WHIMPERS AND BARKS

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Ah, Pudsey's got to go off and sign a book deal

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but he'll be back in a bit.

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-Let's say goodbye to Pudsey.

-AUDIENCE:

-Goodbye!

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We can't afford him for any longer than ten minutes.

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This is the round where we get lots of letters - it's Body Language.

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I'm going to ask you questions which all have three letter answers. Easy.

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But to make you really think on your feet

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you'll be spelling those words using your bodies.

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First up is Gabriel's team so bring on the Letter Box!

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-And, Gabriel, I like your hair, mate.

-Thank you.

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Yeah, it's a bit too good but I'm going to get over it.

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OK. Your time starts now.

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Something you'd use on the way to the Sat Nav shop.

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Um...GPS.

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-That's what you'd buy there.

-Car.

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Think old school, old school GPS.

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-Map!

-Map!

-Map!

-Map!

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A ghost's catchphrase.

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-Boo.

-Boo.

-Boo.

-Oh, how is this going to work?

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Wahhh!

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-Ahh!

-What are you doing?!

-I'm doing an O.

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I said do a letter not scream the words.

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-I can't give you that, I'm really sorry.

-What?!

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-Oh, come on.

-The...

-AUDIENCE AHHS

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-Oh, look at the state of it.

-This was a B.

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-Hip's musical best friend.

-Hop.

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-What?

-Hop.

-What?

-What?

-Hop?

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-What am I doing?!

-Hop, hop, hop.

-Yes!

-Hop. How do you do an H?

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-Pirate without the rat.

-Pie.

-What?

-Oh, oh, it's a creeper.

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-Pie.

-Poirot.

-Pie.

-Pie.

-Oh.

-Pie, pie.

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The ten-year-old got it the quickest, guys.

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That's worrying.

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Stop...would you stop dancing? There you are, look at that.

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APPLAUSE BELL RINGS

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Oh, time's up, time's up!

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Well done, everyone. Give it up for Gabriel's team.

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Please take a seat by your desk.

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And make your way up, guys. Up you come.

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Come on, Louisa's team, up you come.

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Welcome, Louisa's team.

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-James...

-Hello.

-You seem pretty confident.

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Very confident, thank you, Iain. Yes.

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Do you do lot of letters with your bodies in general day life?

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It's one of my hobbies. I've been doing it since I was seven.

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-Any particular specialities?

-I.

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

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-Doing it right now?

-Yeah.

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-Ron?

-This door is not... I mean, it's a joke.

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Like, I'm already... I can't do anything. This is the only...

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I mean, if the letter is Romesh then I can do it

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but I just don't feel comfortable.

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Louisa, who do you think is going to be the best - James or Romesh?

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You look like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place there.

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She couldn't even look at me.

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OK, let's do this. You've got until the bell rings.

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And your time starts now.

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If you take the pea out of peanut you have...

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-Nut.

-Yes.

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Oh, look at...

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Oh, their confidence was not misplaced.

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-Well done.

-APPLAUSE

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Complete this rhyme -

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My dad's too hairy and out of shape

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He got lost at the zoo and now lives with an...

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-Ape.

-Ape.

-Oh, James, straight in.

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Well done, it's good.

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The sound a pirate sheep would make.

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-Baa.

-Baa...baa...baa.

-Bar.

-Bar.

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-Bar?

-Barr.

-B...Bar?

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-Arr!

-Arr?

-Barr!

-Bar?

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Stop shouting it at me.

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-What is it, is it R or A?!

-This is the whole point of the game!

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-R, it's R.

-It's R?

-Yes, it's R.

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-What are you meant to be?!

-I'm an A.

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-Are you written in italics? What's happened?

-Excuse me.

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James, you'll get a gold star, you've been the best so far.

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-Thank you very much, Iain.

-No messing about, straight in.

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I'll give you that, I'll give you that.

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The letters above Mr Smash's head when he's sleeping.

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-Oh, zzz.

-Zzz? How do you do...? What?!

-Zzz.

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-What...?

-Oh, look at... Look at James' confidence crumble.

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-Oh, he's back in!

-How's that, how's that? Is that working well?

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Wait...wait...wait.

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-Who's the wrong way round?

-Me. AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Romesh.

-What?

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-Am I the wrong way round?

-You used to be a teacher, mate.

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AUDIENCE LAUGHS

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What are you two doing? Just look at that and do it.

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What is it? He looks like some...Egyptian.

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How is that...? You're just... You're favouring him. I was...

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I'm favouring him because he's doing the best.

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Look at that, look at that, that is quality Z, mate.

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It looks like a maths teacher that's regretting his life decisions.

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That's what it looks like. I can't give you it. I can't give you...

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What?! Are you joking?!

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-BELL RINGS

-Oh, time's up.

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Give it up for Louisa's team. Please go back to your desks.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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OK, time to reveal who won that game.

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I can tell you - you've both done as well as each other.

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-And you both get a gold star.

-AUDIENCE OOHS

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Yes! Guys, I know you're excited, I know you're excited

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and I think I know why.

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It's time for the best thing to happen to television, it is time

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-for Who Do You Think I Am.

-AUDIENCE SIGHS

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Here comes the best part of the show.

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Yes. Stand by, guys.

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I'm about to use my impossible, brilliant acting talent

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to bring to life famous people from history.

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All you have to do is guess - who am I?

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Let's do this already, please.

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Louisa, you're up first.

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You look justifiably happy about the whole situation.

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-No.

-Oh, dear.

-No in capitals.

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Thank you. It's rubbish, mate.

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She toned that down from what she said earlier about you.

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-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-Oh, OK. Time for clue number one.

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This is the BBC, we don't mess about.

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Oh, don't put yourself through this.

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What? I don't see what you're...

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-Mrs Stirling.

-OK. I'm going to get into character, here we go.

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-IMITATES FRENCH ACCENT:

-Bonjour!

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I am a French-Polish science lady.

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Who am I? Who am I?

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-I mean...

-Je suis... Who am I? Ou est le piscine?

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Why are you asking where the swimming pool is?

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Why would you want to know where the swimming pool is dressed like that?

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Because French people... We are always interested where things are.

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Ou est le bibliotheque? Ou est le piscine?

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Oh, my books are all wet.

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So why are you wearing that if you're a science lady?

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I don't know. Je suis une French lady.

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You can't say, "Je suis une French lady."

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You're speaking to... That's not how French people speak.

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They don't go...

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-Je ne comprand what you're saying to me.

-Comprand?! Comprand?!

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-Clue number...d...douze.

-You don't even...

-12?

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-Clue number d...d...

-Deux!

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-Deux!

-Deux.

-Deux!

-Deux.

-Get it right.

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Thank you, I am very forgetful.

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I've got my prop.

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-It makes no sense without the prop.

-Oh, this helps.

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I did lots and lots of physics and chemistry.

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I got given tonnes of prizes. Who...

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-I don't know what you're doing.

-Who am I?

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-James, what is this?

-That is...

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-SHAKES THE BELL WITH NO RINGER

-It's a Nobel Prize.

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AUDIENCE SIGHS

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Oh, yeah, you're not laughing at the actual joke, are you?

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Nobel Prize.

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-QUIETLY:

-Who am I?

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Based...based purely on the accent, I think you might be my mum.

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Oh, Romesh, so nice to have you home again in France.

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Based on your wandering accent you are everybody's mum.

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You're just doing everyone's voice in the world.

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-OK, clue number...

-Trois! Trois!

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Thank you. OK. For this I need the lights down.

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-Get the lights down.

-AUDIENCE OOHS

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Ooh, yeah, easily pleased.

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OK, put 'em back up so you can see my acting again.

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-Down, please.

-Don't you dare... If you put the lights down...

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Turn the lights down.

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If you put the lights down when I start acting,

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you're in a lot of trouble.

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AUDIENCE LAUGHS

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Get 'em back up!

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-IMITATES FRENCH ACCENT:

-I did lots of science things

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with my husband and I kept discovering things.

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Like, "Oh, look, Pierre!

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"Look what I have discovered, I've discovered a new element

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"I'm going to call it polonium."

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-I probably shouldn't be holding polonium.

-Can I do it?

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-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-Who am I?

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Do you have any ideas who he might be?

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Er...was it...I can't remember...

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I can't exactly remember a name but it just rings a bell.

0:14:270:14:29

-It rings a bell?

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

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-APPLAUSE

-Good joke.

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A gold star for the unintentional pun. Well done.

0:14:350:14:38

-AUDIENCE OOHS

-Are you...are you Marie Curie?

-Yeah.

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Je suis Marie Curie!

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I was Marie Curie who, in 1903, was the first woman to receive

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a Nobel Prize in physics.

0:14:530:14:54

She was so clever she got another one for chemistry.

0:14:540:14:57

So, Gabriel's team, ready for this?

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My first clue... If I can find it.

0:15:010:15:04

Here...it's here, I'm glad I've got it.

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Just going to bang this on.

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'Schoooool disco!'

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School disco!

0:15:110:15:13

MUSIC: Dibby Dibby Sound by DJ Fresh vs Jay Fay

0:15:130:15:17

MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY

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Get into character

0:15:290:15:31

Hubbly-be-bluh-bluh-badda-ba. OK.

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-IMITATES SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-I'm a Scottish man.

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I'm a Scottish man born in Edinburgh in 1850,

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I don't mind telling ye.

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I'm also a celebrated writer.

0:15:440:15:47

Could I just ask a question?

0:15:470:15:49

Did they have totally different Scottish accents in 1850?

0:15:490:15:52

I'm glad you asked that, Gabriel.

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Yes, we did, actually, we were developing it.

0:15:540:15:58

In 1850 it hadnae come to the proper...

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Also, a little issue they had in 1850,

0:16:010:16:04

your moustache couldnae stick on your face.

0:16:040:16:07

It actually looks like you've got like an animal tail on your face.

0:16:070:16:10

-Yeah, is it definitely a moustache that we're looking at there?

-Yeah.

0:16:100:16:13

It smells like it might've belonged to an animal in the past.

0:16:130:16:17

Who am I?

0:16:180:16:19

-Moustache guy.

-Moustache guy?!

-Moustache guy.

0:16:190:16:24

Where at school have you learned about the famous moustache guy?!

0:16:240:16:28

What school do you go to?!

0:16:280:16:29

The Facial Hair Primary School for Nincompoops?

0:16:290:16:33

-Well, in fact, I actually like facial hair.

-You like facial hair?

0:16:330:16:37

-You don't want that one.

-You can try...

0:16:370:16:38

Oh, no, you don't want that moustache.

0:16:380:16:40

-You can have wee go as well.

-Wow.

-Let's all get in.

0:16:400:16:43

Look at that, we can share the moustache.

0:16:430:16:46

It does smell weird, doesn't it?

0:16:460:16:48

-It does, it smells like a rat's bottom.

-Eurgh.

0:16:480:16:50

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:16:500:16:52

OK, time for clue number two. Here we go.

0:16:520:16:55

What?!

0:16:570:16:59

-Aye, aye, don't question the acting Chris Stark from Radio One.

-Yeah.

0:16:590:17:03

So! I decided to tell my children of a tale of pirates,

0:17:050:17:10

treasure and long johns.

0:17:100:17:12

I followed that up with another one - a classic tale about a doctor

0:17:120:17:16

with a split personality.

0:17:160:17:18

He should probably see himself about that.

0:17:180:17:21

-Did you get...? Yes!

-That was quite good.

0:17:210:17:25

Now we're cooking with gas.

0:17:250:17:27

-Who am I?

-What do we think?

0:17:270:17:29

I'm a writer, I'm from Scotland and I wrote Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

0:17:290:17:34

-Go. I don't know.

-Neither do I.

-No, neither do I so we need to guess.

0:17:350:17:39

-Can we ask the audience?

-Oh, that is a good point.

0:17:390:17:42

-Any help?

-There is no rule against that.

0:17:420:17:44

-Three, two, one you can shout out. Three, two, one.

-Great result.

0:17:440:17:47

AUDIENCE: Robert Louis Stevenson.

0:17:470:17:49

-That's the answer.

-Yay, that's it.

-He said it.

-Say it back.

0:17:490:17:53

-I heard Stevenson.

-Robert...

-I heard...

0:17:530:17:56

-AUDIENCE SHOUTS ANSWER

-No, no, no! They've had their hand.

0:17:560:17:59

-Robert L Stevenson.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:17:590:18:02

-Who?

-Robert...

-Robert.

-Yeah.

0:18:020:18:05

-AUDIENCE SHOUTS ANSWER

-Louis...

-No! Yeah.

0:18:050:18:09

..Stevenson.

0:18:090:18:11

-I'm Robert Louis Stevenson!

-APPLAUSE

0:18:110:18:15

Well done, Gabriel's team.

0:18:150:18:17

I am Robert Louis Stevenson, known for writing Treasure Island

0:18:170:18:19

and The Strange Case Of Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde.

0:18:190:18:23

Well done. Because of my amazing acting, both teams get a gold star.

0:18:230:18:27

This game moves faster than a hamster on a motorised wheel.

0:18:350:18:39

It's Sprint Finish. Here's how it works.

0:18:390:18:41

One of you will act out different sporty things

0:18:410:18:43

and your team have to guess what it is you're acting out.

0:18:430:18:46

Louisa, you're up first so please put yourself on the Sports Spot.

0:18:460:18:52

'The Sports Spot!'

0:18:520:18:56

OK, Louisa. Your time starts now. Go!

0:18:560:18:59

-Football.

-What is she doing more precisely?

0:19:000:19:03

-Kicking.

-Drib...

-Drib...?

-Dribbling?

0:19:030:19:06

-Dribbling, yes!

-APPLAUSE

0:19:060:19:08

-LOUISA LAUGHS

-Motorbike.

-Make the noises.

0:19:090:19:13

-Tell you what...

-Jet ski.

-I'll be the...

0:19:130:19:15

-You're attached to me, ready?

-OK.

-Vrrooom.

-Water skiing.

0:19:150:19:18

Yes!

0:19:180:19:19

-Golf.

-Cricket. Baseball.

-Oh.

0:19:210:19:24

-Croquet.

-Teeing off.

0:19:240:19:26

What is it? It is golf but what is she...

0:19:260:19:28

-Putting...

-What is the equipment?

-Hole in one.

0:19:280:19:31

-What's she putting in the ground?

-A golf tee.

-Yes!

0:19:310:19:35

Come on.

0:19:360:19:37

-Jogging. Running. Sweating.

-Marathon running.

-Yes!

0:19:370:19:41

I'm surprised it wasn't sweating.

0:19:430:19:45

Oh, this is a good one.

0:19:450:19:46

-Praying. Yoga.

-Yes!

-APPLAUSE

0:19:460:19:49

BELL RINGS

0:19:490:19:52

-Well done, Louisa, take a seat.

-Louisa, you're brilliant!

0:19:520:19:57

Well done.

0:19:570:19:58

-How old are you?

-Nine.

-How do you know what yoga is?

0:19:580:20:02

-I just do.

-Oh, like, everyone knows what yoga is, grandad.

0:20:020:20:08

Well, after that round, I feel like a bicycle from the Tour de France.

0:20:080:20:13

Two-tyred.

0:20:130:20:14

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:20:140:20:16

Sarcastic but I'll take it.

0:20:160:20:18

OK, Gabriel, it is now your turn so make your way to the Sports Spot.

0:20:180:20:23

'The Sports Spot!'

0:20:240:20:27

OK. Gabriel, your time starts when the first one comes over.

0:20:270:20:31

You've got until the bell rings. Three, two, one, go!

0:20:310:20:35

-Football.

-Whistle.

-Whistle. Goalkeeper.

-Referee.

-Referee.

0:20:380:20:41

-Penalty. Free kick.

-Um...um.

-What's the referee doing?

0:20:410:20:45

-Sending someone off.

-Oh-oh. I don't know anything about football.

0:20:450:20:48

-Red card.

-Red card.

-Yes, red card!

-Yes.

0:20:480:20:51

-Sailing.

-Surfing.

-Surfing. Roller skating.

0:20:510:20:55

-It's specifically something.

-Um...

0:20:550:20:57

-What object is he on?

-A board.

-What type of board?

0:20:570:21:00

-Snowboard.

-Waterboard.

0:21:000:21:02

-A waterboard?!

-Yeah.

0:21:020:21:05

-A waterboard.

-ASHLEIGH SHOUTS

0:21:050:21:09

-It's a board and it's on water, what is it?

-A waterboard.

0:21:090:21:12

Stop saying waterboard.

0:21:120:21:15

-A surfboard.

-Yes!

-Well done.

0:21:150:21:18

You're...waltzing.

0:21:180:21:21

-You're...doing The Birdie Dance.

-The Birdie Dance.

-Cycling. Round.

0:21:210:21:26

-You're washing a car. You're...

-He's doing it sort of...

0:21:260:21:29

Winding down the windows.

0:21:290:21:31

-Golfing.

-Oh, look at that.

-Oh!

0:21:310:21:33

-You're rowing.

-Yes!

-APPLAUSE

0:21:330:21:36

-Tennis.

-Serve.

-It's a...

-Serving.

-Ace.

0:21:380:21:41

-Hitting it.

-Badminton. Squash.

-Badminton!

0:21:410:21:45

-Skipping.

-No, what is he skipping with?

-Jump roping.

-No.

0:21:460:21:50

-Jumping. Rope. Pointing.

-It's the object.

-What?

0:21:500:21:53

It's the object.

0:21:530:21:55

-A skipping rope.

-Yes!

0:21:550:21:57

-Oh, my God, Ashleigh.

-BELL RINGS

0:21:570:21:59

Take a seat, Gabriel.

0:21:590:22:00

-That was so fun.

-Well done, Gabriel.

0:22:000:22:02

OK, and at the final whistle, I can reveal that it is a draw.

0:22:040:22:08

-You both get gold stars.

-AUDIENCE OOHS

0:22:080:22:12

It's time now for a round that's complete and utter rubbish.

0:22:180:22:21

It's Bin Busters.

0:22:210:22:22

'Bin Busters.'

0:22:220:22:24

Yeah, the cleaners have gone on strike

0:22:240:22:25

so we've had to clean up ourselves.

0:22:250:22:27

Luckily, we have two teams who know the meaning of the word rubbish.

0:22:270:22:31

One panellist from each team will race to put as much rubbish

0:22:310:22:34

as they can into the recycling bins using a vacuum cleaner

0:22:340:22:37

strapped onto their back.

0:22:370:22:39

Louisa...who are you going to choose to wear the 'bacuum' cleaner?

0:22:390:22:45

-Romesh.

-Rom?

0:22:450:22:47

Have you just picked Romesh cos it sounds like rubbish?

0:22:470:22:50

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-That's what's happened here.

0:22:500:22:52

-Gabriel, who are you going to go with?

-Ashleigh.

-Good man.

0:22:520:22:56

There you go. Well, in that case, Romesh, Ashleigh,

0:22:560:23:00

please make your way up here, get your 'bacuum' cleaners.

0:23:000:23:03

Let's do this.

0:23:030:23:05

-OK. Are you ready to go, guys?

-Yes, Iain.

0:23:080:23:10

-Then in three, two, one - GO!

-CHEERING

0:23:100:23:16

Go on, Romesh!

0:23:160:23:18

Oh, it's double whammy. It's a double...

0:23:230:23:26

Romesh is behind. You're behind, Rom.

0:23:290:23:33

Oh, no!

0:23:330:23:35

-Get Ashleigh.

-ASHLEIGH SHRIEKS

0:23:370:23:41

-Get some Ranganathan.

-Go on, Ashleigh. Yes!

0:23:410:23:44

Oh, not that many!

0:23:570:24:00

Rom, Ashleigh's cheating.

0:24:010:24:04

Ashleigh has used foul play of the highest order.

0:24:040:24:09

-JAMES CHANTS:

-Romesh Ranganathan.

0:24:090:24:12

Oh, no. Oh, dear.

0:24:120:24:17

ASHLEIGH SHRIEKS

0:24:170:24:19

-Go on, Rom.

-Go on, Rom, this is your chance to shine.

0:24:190:24:23

Go on, Ashleigh.

0:24:240:24:27

Squish that can. Squish that can.

0:24:270:24:29

Oh, no, no, you can't.

0:24:290:24:32

Go on, Ashleigh. No, no, no, no!

0:24:330:24:36

Only one. Oh, she keeps throwing out two, Rom.

0:24:370:24:42

-BELL RINGS

-Time's up, time's up.

0:24:420:24:44

CHEERING AND BOOING

0:24:440:24:46

-Make your way to your recycle bins.

-ROMESH WHEEZES HEAVILY

0:24:460:24:49

-ASHLEIGH:

-I'm still hoovering.

-Oh, dear.

0:24:490:24:51

-Romesh.

-ROMESH PANTS

0:24:510:24:54

Romesh.

0:24:540:24:56

It's OK, they can't get you now, it's OK.

0:25:010:25:03

OK.

0:25:030:25:05

OK, in through the nose and out through the mouth.

0:25:050:25:09

OK, there we go.

0:25:090:25:11

Romesh, you managed... one, two, three, four, five, six.

0:25:110:25:18

-OK, six.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.

0:25:180:25:21

Ashleigh, stand here.

0:25:210:25:23

You managed one, two, three, four, five, six!

0:25:230:25:31

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:25:310:25:33

It's a tie, both teams get a gold star.

0:25:330:25:36

-You!

-Round the back.

0:25:360:25:39

Oh, it's tense. Oh, it's tense.

0:25:470:25:49

We're about to find out who's standing high

0:25:490:25:51

like a beer can on a ladder

0:25:510:25:52

and who's sinking like an overweight haddock.

0:25:520:25:55

Anyway, it's time to find out which team are swotty

0:25:560:25:59

-and which team are...

-AUDIENCE:

-Naughty!

0:25:590:26:02

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooooooooooooh!

0:26:020:26:08

The winners are...

0:26:080:26:10

Louisa's teeeeeeeeeam!

0:26:100:26:14

That means the losers are Gabriel's team.

0:26:170:26:19

Oh, dear, what have you done to deserve this?

0:26:190:26:24

Detention with the scariest teacher this side of Matilda.

0:26:240:26:26

-Smashy, take them on their walk of shame.

-Oh, no.

0:26:260:26:29

MR SMASH GRUNTS AND GROWLS # La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers

0:26:290:26:32

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers

0:26:320:26:35

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers

0:26:350:26:39

# La-la losers. #

0:26:390:26:41

Well done to the winners.

0:26:410:26:43

Please give it up for Louisa, James and Romesh.

0:26:430:26:46

Louisa, hand in your homework.

0:26:460:26:48

Louisa, bring it here.

0:26:480:26:50

# La-la-la la-la-la-la You are the winners... #

0:26:500:26:53

-Thank you very much.

-# ..la-la-la la-la-la-la

0:26:530:26:56

# You are the winners. #

0:26:560:26:59

OK, let's have the losers back.

0:26:590:27:01

Gabriel, Ashleigh and Chris back for detention with Mr Smash!

0:27:010:27:04

MR SMASH GRUNTS AND GROWLS # La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers

0:27:040:27:07

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers

0:27:070:27:10

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers La-la-la-la-la-la-la losers

0:27:100:27:14

# La-la Losers. #

0:27:140:27:16

-MR SMASH GRUNTS AND GROWLS

-Look at that.

0:27:160:27:18

It's like a Mr Smash family reunion.

0:27:180:27:21

All your hard work was wasted.

0:27:210:27:23

Your homework is about to become a high calorie meal for the dog.

0:27:230:27:27

Bring on our hungry dog!

0:27:270:27:30

Hand your homework over. Hand the homework over.

0:27:300:27:33

Well, we didn't learn much but it was sure fun trying.

0:27:350:27:38

See you all next time on...

0:27:380:27:40

-AUDIENCE:

-The Dog Ate My Homework!

0:27:400:27:43

Sees ya.

0:27:430:27:46

DOG BURPS

0:27:460:27:48

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