Episode 10 The Dog Ate My Homework
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
CHEERING | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
DOG PANTING | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:00:09 | 0:00:10 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
Hello, I'm Iain Stirling, and this is The Dog Ate My Homework, | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
the panel show that puts the less into lesson, | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
and joining me today, we have two teams | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
who collectively have the intelligence | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
of this egg. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) 'E = MC squared!' | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
It's a Scotch egg! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
You're welcome. All right, let's meet the teams, | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
and take the register. On my right is a girl | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
who is top of her class. I mean, her chair is ten foot high. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
It's Leah, everyone! | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
Here, sir! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
And on Leah's team, | 0:01:17 | 0:01:18 | |
someone who was told he was most likely to succeed... | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
at nothing. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:22 | |
-It's comedian Matthew Crosby! -Here, sir! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
That was needlessly harsh, needlessly harsh. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
Also on Leah's team, someone who was | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
only three when they started reading their first Noddy book. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
One day, he hopes to get to the end of it. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
It's star of Wolfblood, it's Bobby Lockwood! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Hello, sir. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
Give it up for Leah's team! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
And on my left, the boy who takes the cricketer's approach | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
to every question he is always asked. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
He's stumped! It's Adryan! | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Here, sir! | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
And on Adryan's team, an actor who has played many great roles, | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
as well as a loaf of bread and two baguettes, | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
it's vlogger Grace Mandeville! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
Here, sir! | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
And joining them is someone who rose to stardom in his school nativity. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
He was meant to be the wise man, but he got lost on the way to the venue. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:10 | |
It's stand-up comedian Tom Craine! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
Here, sir. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
Give it up for Adryan's team, everybody! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is a panel show all about school. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
You can't have school without teachers, you need teachers. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
Adryan, you got any cool teachers? | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Uncool teachers? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:28 | |
Weird teachers? Old teachers? | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
Green teachers? Do you know what a teacher is, Adryan? | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
-Yes, I do! -Oh, that's good! | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
-Good start! -Do we get a point for that? -Go on, then. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
-Little gold star, on you go. -Yeah! | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
Leah, what about you? | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
Cool teachers where you're from? | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Yeah, well, loads of my school teachers are really, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
like, awesome and cool, so I don't really have | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
any bad ones, but the... | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
That's a lie for the television. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:52 | |
She told me she hates all of you, if you're watching. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
You're saying that because you're still in school, | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
you've got to go back there! | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
No, but our dinner ladies are crazy. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
I asked for fish and chips, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
and they are so quick, this is what they done. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
"Do you want chips? Do you want fish? Capri Sun? OK, here you go." | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
And then, because she was going so fast, | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
she threw the fish on the ground. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
GROANS | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
So I, she gave me a new one, | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
so I just picked it up and went like this, | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
"Would you like your fish back?" | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
And she just took it. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
Does the ten second rule apply to fish? | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
Of course it does. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
When I was at school, I used to put custard on my chips | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
so people wouldn't take my chips. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
-That is genuinely what I... And it worked. -That is genius! | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
No, it's not! Cos you have to eat chips covered in custard! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
You don't want to eat chips covered in custard? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
-Custard's great, chips are great, what's not to love? -No! | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
I tell you who knows all about teachers. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
Matthew, do you want to reveal to everyone | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
your horrible truth? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
It's not a horrible truth, I used to be a teacher! | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
BOO! | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Boo! | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
-Boo! Matthew! -What? | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
What sort of teacher were you? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
Obviously, a cool teacher, because I'm a cool adult now, aren't I? | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
-Right, guys? -Look at that laughter! | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
Anyone that finishes a sentence with, "Right, guys?" | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
isn't that cool. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:04 | |
Right, listen, enough chat, let's get on with the show! | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
Now, this show is all about reaching for the stars. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Not that you'd know that from looking at my guests today. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
But, they'll be battling it out for these gold stars. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:23 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Wooo! | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
Stars earned, not only by being the goodest at the games, but | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
for doing everything from smiling gormlessly... | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
..to making dead funny comments. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
I say, I say, why did the rapper carry an umbrella? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
Fo' drizzle! | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
BADUM-TSH! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Ugh! | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
Can we get a gold star for listening to that? | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
I'm going to give Leah a gold star for Tom's terrible joke, | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
-there you go. -Shouldn't have to put up with that sort of thing. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
But be warned, if anyone gets my goat... | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
HE BLEATS | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
(I don't know if that's the noise a goat makes.) | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
..then I'll take those stars away! | 0:05:02 | 0:05:03 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Aww! | 0:05:03 | 0:05:04 | |
Hey! Because it's Iain's school, so it's... | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Iain's rules! | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
Yes! At the end of the show, the team with the most stars wins, | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
while the losers get detention with Mr Smash, a man so dense, | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
when we were playing a word game, | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
I gave him a letter and he tried to post it. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
It's Mr Smash! | 0:05:21 | 0:05:22 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
Rrr! | 0:05:28 | 0:05:29 | |
Rrrr! | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Rrrr! | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Rrrr! | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Rargh! Rargh! | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Yes, it's time for Stick To The Point. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
'Stick To The Point!' | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
Ho-ho! The game where I ask quickfire questions, | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
if you hesitate, repeat or just talk gibberish, | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
I will put you in the shush position. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Can I please see everyone's shush positions, please? | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
Very good, thank you. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
The winner is the last team talking, | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
but, first, I need my stick of pointyness. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
It's time to call in a man's best friend. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
HE WHISTLES | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
Grr! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Grr! | 0:06:25 | 0:06:26 | |
Rrargh! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Rargh! | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
He's drooled all over it! | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
Right, it's time for the first topic, are you all ready? | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
OK, our first topic is Things You Shouldn't Touch. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
-Bobby. -Boiling stuff. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
Yes! Grace. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Hot things. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
-Bobby! -Spiky stuff! | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
Yes! Adryan. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
-A toilet seat. -Bobby! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
Toilet...stuff! | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
-Bobby! -Uh...dust! | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
-Bobby! -Poison! | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
-Bobby! -Mouldy food! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
-Bobby! -Under the refrigerator! | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
-Bobby! -Uh, the bottom of shoes! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
-Bobby! -Uhhh... | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
The shush position! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
-Come on! -I'm gonna give him a bonus star, though, bonus star for Bobby. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
Thanks! Very impressive! | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
Shush position! | 0:07:21 | 0:07:22 | |
-Tom! -A jellyfish. -Yes. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
-Leah. -A PE kit. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:27 | |
Yes. Grace. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
-A stingray. -Stingray! | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
I wouldn't touch them bad boys! Matthew! | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
Stinging nettles. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:34 | |
-Grace. -Really cold items. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Yes. Matthew! | 0:07:36 | 0:07:37 | |
-Dirt. -Yes. Adryan. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:38 | |
Drain pipes. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
-Drain pipes? -Yeah! | 0:07:40 | 0:07:41 | |
-You can touch a drain pipe! -They're dirty! | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
-Matthew! -Drains. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
Much better, yeah. Tom. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
An angry raccoon. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
What about a normal raccoon? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:53 | |
That, you can touch. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
We love it, we absolutely love it. Leah! | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
-Toenails. -Yes. Grace. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
The spiky bit on a hedgehog. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
-You know... -Or just a hedgehog. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:02 | |
You could touch it's nose. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
-Don't touch a hedgehog's nose! -But you could! | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
You could if you wanted to. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
OK. Leah. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
People. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:10 | |
That's a good point, she's got a point! | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
Don't touch people, everyone! | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
Adryan! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
-Me... -Shush position! | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
No! | 0:08:18 | 0:08:19 | |
-Leah. -Eyebrows. -Eyebrows?! | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
Yeah! | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
-You can touch your eyebrows. -No, cos if they're really jaggy, | 0:08:22 | 0:08:26 | |
they might, like, stab you. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
Shush position. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
It's Crosby against Tom and Grace. Here we go. Grace! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:34 | |
-Crocodile teeth. -Yes. -Yeah. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-Matthew. -A hungry bear! | 0:08:36 | 0:08:37 | |
-Tom. -A vampire. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:38 | |
Yes. Matthew. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
-Uh, uh... -Shush position! | 0:08:40 | 0:08:41 | |
The points go to Adryan's team! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
Our next topic is Farmyard Animals. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
-Bobby! -Chicken! | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
-Bobby! -Pig. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
-Bobby! -A cockerel. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:55 | |
-I'm joking. -Grace! -Horse. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
-Leah. -A sheep. -Adryan. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
Sheepdog. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
-Yes! -Matthew. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:01 | |
Pony. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:02 | |
Just for the record, I thought we were | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
still doing things you can't touch. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
"Why can't you touch a..." We're doing farmyard animals! | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
-Grace. -Insects. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:11 | |
-In a farmyard? -They crawl... | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
-In Charlotte's Web! -Charlotte's Web, yes! | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
-You're on my team and... -Charlotte's Web, that's pretty good. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
I'm going to give you a bonus star, Adryan. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
But, I'm gonna put you in the shush position. Bobby! | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Cow. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
Say that again. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:26 | |
Cow. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
See? He went. "Cow..." | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
-I'm thinking... -Like it's an attractive cow! | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
-It's a nice cow. It's a moo... -Moo-moo-moo! | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
Moo-moo-moo! | 0:09:39 | 0:09:40 | |
Nice to meet moo! | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
You're dairy nice! | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
Oh! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:46 | |
This is udderly brilliant. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
I'm going to give a gold star to Tom and a gold star to Matthew | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
for their puns, as well. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
My good gag. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
-Leah. -Fox. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:57 | |
-Yes! Adryan. -Baby cows. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Baby cows? | 0:09:59 | 0:10:00 | |
Yes! | 0:10:00 | 0:10:01 | |
Ahh... Shush position, not giving you that. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
-They're called calves! -No. -These are calves. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:09 | |
-I just wanted to get my socks in. Bobby? -Farmer. -Thomas? -A duck. -Yes. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:14 | |
-Matthew? -A boar. -A bore? -Yeah, like a boring farmer. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:18 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
-Tom? -Ah, I'm...duh. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
BUZZER | 0:10:22 | 0:10:23 | |
Points got to Leah's team. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:24 | |
CHEERING | 0:10:24 | 0:10:25 | |
Final one. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
BELL SOUNDS | 0:10:29 | 0:10:30 | |
Oh, no. And at the end of that round the gold star goes to Leah's team. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:36 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
-Yes, now it is time for PE. It is time for Mime Craft. -Mime Craft. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:48 | |
It's a bit like charades in the sense that it's a | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
bit like charades, so, teams, you'll be acting out various | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
familiar and not so familiar activities. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:59 | |
And Adryan, your team's up first. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
So, who do you want to throw down some miming shapes? | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
Stand up so we can see your lovely...your head in. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
There he is. Adryan. Who are you picking, mate? Who are you picking? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
I am picking...Tom. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
All right, Tom, please make your way to the mine spot. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:16 | 0:11:20 | |
We have got this. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Adryan, your time starts when you flip over your first card. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
Tom, act out what you see. Three, two, one, here we go. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
AIR HORN | 0:11:27 | 0:11:28 | |
-Tennis. -Yes. -Amazing. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
-Golf. -Golf. -Yes. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
-No, no, no, no. -Badminton? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
-No, no. You're throwing it wrong. -Frisbee. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
-Ballerina. -Ballerina! | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
It's like that. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
-Discus or something? -Yes! -Yes. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
-Running? -Rowing. Driving. -The wiggle? -Teacher dancing. | 0:11:56 | 0:12:02 | |
-What is it? -Rowing? Rowing, paddling? | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
Driving? Surfing. Paddling. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:11 | |
-Canoeing? -Yes! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
-Oh, my goodness. -Tap dancing. -Yes. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
HE LAUGHS What ARE you doing? | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
-Rolling. -James Bond. -James Bond!? -Secret agent? | 0:12:20 | 0:12:24 | |
Undercover? Spies? | 0:12:24 | 0:12:25 | |
-Undercover? -TV. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
Um, um, dog? | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Dog. You can skip if you want. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
-Pass. -Skip it, skip it. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
-Oh, erm, pool. -Yes. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
Erm, erm, volleyball? Table tennis? Volleyball? | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
-Fishing? -Fishing? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
We got it? Knew that! | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
Well done. Give it up for Tom, everyone. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
-How do you canoe? -Badly. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
You're just in the water for hours. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
Why do you have such a small oar with you? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
Because I got there late, it was all they had left. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
OK, Leah, who can defeat the mighty Thomas? Who are you going for? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:15 | |
Well, I think Bobby because he's got the shorts for it. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
Bobby, everyone, please make your way to the mime spot. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:13:22 | 0:13:27 | |
OK, Bobby, your time starts when Leah turns over the first card. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
Leah, take it away. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:31 | |
AIR HORN | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
-Basketball? The, the... -Similar. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:38 | |
-Netball? -Yes. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
-Horse riding. -Yes. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:44 | |
-Just when Iain was getting in, oh... -What's happening? -Ballroom dancing. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:50 | |
-Yes. Go on, then. -Oh, that's really very moving. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:54 | |
-Skateboarding. -Surfing, skateboarding. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
-Skateboarding? Surfing. -Windsurfing. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:01 | |
-Snowboarding. -Yes. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
-Golf? -Cricket? -Yes. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
-Err, you've not played any sports, have you? -Egg and spoon? | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Pass, I don't know what it is. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
-Pool. -Snooker. -Yes. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Oh, here we go. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
-Abseiling? -Yeah. -Well done. -Yeah, I wouldn't have got that. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
-Catch. -A boomerang. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
-Very good. -Excellent. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
Oh, that's a, no... | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
You're doing the same thing, you're doing the same thing twice. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
-Oh, a slalom, like a, bobsleigh. -Surfing? -I'll get it, I'll get it. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
-Skiing, skiing? -Yeah, but on the...? -On... | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
Skiing off the back of a car? | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
-Waterskiing! -Yes! | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
-Ah, oh, oh... -Oh, what's it called? -Picking up the shopping? | 0:14:47 | 0:14:52 | |
-Throwing the shopping away? -What time is it? -Shot put? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:57 | |
-The hammer throw? -Yes! | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
Give it up for Bobby. Yeah, wow. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
OK, at the end of that round the team with the most right | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
answers was Leah's team, you've got a gold star. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:14 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:15:14 | 0:15:19 | |
Time now for Pie The Supply. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:26 | |
Pie The Supply. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
This week we are filling a gap in the Physics Department. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
Our teams' jobs are to find a supply teacher. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
But out of the four you'll see, only one is the real deal. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:38 | |
So, let's bring out the teachers. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
BOOS | 0:15:42 | 0:15:47 | |
Boo, boo. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:51 | |
Evil, evil teachers that have done nothing wrong | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
apart from try to improve children's lives. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
OK, so, captains, here are your teachers' CVs. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:03 | |
Teacher number one is Miss Dark | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
and she's been a physics teacher for five years. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
In her spare time, she is part of a Roller Derby team. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:11 | |
Teacher number two is Mr Allen, he's been a physics teacher | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
for 17 years and in his spare time, he keeps bees. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
Teacher number three is Miss Aitken. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:21 | |
She's been a physics teacher for three years. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
In her spare time, she plays Taylor Swift songs on her guitar. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
Teacher number four is Mr George. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
He's been a physics teacher for 27 years. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
He is proud to have taken part in the 2012 British physics Olympiads. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:39 | |
AUDIENCE GASPS | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
Teacher number five is Matthew Crosby, he used to be a teacher | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
but now he's a comedian so isn't eligible in this part of the show. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
OK, so, Adryan's team, have a look at them, | 0:16:50 | 0:16:54 | |
first impressions, who looks like a teacher? | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
Who looks like an impostor? What are you thinking? | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
-I'm thinking. -What do you reckon? -Number four. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
-And why do you think number four? -You think four already? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
-Because you're old. -Oh, no...he's not. -Oh, come on now, Adryan! | 0:17:04 | 0:17:09 | |
You're in your golden years, in your golden years. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
He's been teaching for 27 years, right? 27 years? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
Wrote that down so that would make sense. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
Well, before your questions, let's go over to Leah's team. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
Who's tickling your teacher senses? | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
-Matthew, you've got the teacher in you. -I have indeed. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
Who could you see yourself conversing with in the staff room? | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
I could definitely see myself hanging out with number four. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
I've got a good, I've got a good feeling about him. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
I feel he's the sort of person who would let me share his biscuits. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
-But we'll wait and see. -Number four has got a bad feeling | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
because currently he is the favourite to get pies in his face. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:43 | |
Err, Tom, let's get some questions, | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
let's get some questions going. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
OK, a question for Mr Allen, so, you're a physics teacher, | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
can I ask, have you got a girlfriend? | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
I have got a girlfriend, yes. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:53 | |
In that case, you're not a physics teacher. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
No chance, no chance. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
Any more questions? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
-For number three... -Yes. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
Can you sing a bit of Taylor Swift for us? | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
-Oh, yes! -Shake It Off! | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
# Shake it off! Shake it off Ah, ah... # | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
WHOOPING | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
That was amazing. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:16 | |
Leah's team, you got any questions for the guys? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
You can go general, or one, two, three or four. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
-I've got a question for number one. -OK. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
Right, let's hear it. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
If you have an unstoppable force, | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
and if that unstoppable force | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
hits an unmoveable object, what will happen? | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:36 | 0:18:37 | |
I think we know for definite Miss Dark is not a physics teacher. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:44 | |
She is really struggling. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
Any idea? Do you want to guess? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
I am really struggling! | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Stop looking at the actual physics teacher for the answer! | 0:18:50 | 0:18:54 | |
-I've got a quick test for them. -All right - on you go, Tom. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
My physics teacher | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
was kind of really aggressive and angry if you were naughty at school. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
So I want to sit on the desk, and then they've got to have a go at me, | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
see if they can get me back in my seat. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:05 | |
We'll go one through four - everyone tell Tom off for being naughty. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
-By the way, he has... -Number one... | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
Don't bother with number one, cos number one is definitely not | 0:19:11 | 0:19:15 | |
a physics teacher, so let's skip number one. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
We'll go straight to number two. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:18 | |
Back on your chair! | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
Back on my chair! Aggressive. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:21 | |
-That wasn't scary. -Number three...? -Taylor Swift? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
Excuse me, Tom - if I'm talking, you should be listening | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
and sat on your chair. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
That's good! APPLAUSE | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
Very good. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
Number four? | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
Laddie - | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
if you want to have a meeting with our parents this evening, | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
get back in your chair now. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
OK! OK. It's good... | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
Flashbacks. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:43 | |
We've got one final question, and it's for three again. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
It's Leah's question. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:47 | |
Can you spell "physics"? | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
Er, P-H-S... Oh... | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
P-H-Y... | 0:19:52 | 0:19:53 | |
-Oh...! -..S-I-C... | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
The answer would be "No", clearly! | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
Right, OK - well, let's speak to the audience | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
and see who they think is the supply teacher. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
On the count of three, shout out who you think the supply teacher is. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
One, two, three...? | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
ALL SHOUT OUT | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
Cheers, guys. Thank you, audience. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
Adryan, you're up first so it's time for you to... | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
'Pie The Supply!' | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
ALL: Oh...! | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
Who's he going to go for...? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
SPLAT! Oh! | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
You nearly knocked her over! | 0:20:49 | 0:20:50 | |
-TOM: -Sorry! | 0:20:50 | 0:20:51 | |
Do you know how long I spent on this eyeliner this morning? | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
I know! You looked absolutely gorgeous. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
-GRACE: -You still look great. -Oh, thanks. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
Leah - please, come over to... | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
'Pie The Supply!' | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
-On you come, Leah... MATTHEW AND BOBBY: -You've got this. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:07 | |
ALL: Oh...! | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
SPLAT! Oh! | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
I mean, I think it's quite clearly number four, | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
I don't know what she's done to deserve it. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
Would the real supply teacher | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
please step forward... | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
'School Disco!' | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
School Disco! | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
# Cos the players gonna play, play, play, play | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
# And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
# Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake | 0:21:56 | 0:21:59 | |
# Shake it off! Shake it off! | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
# Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
# And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
# Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
# Shake it off...! | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
Well done, guys, you both got that right so you both get gold stars! | 0:22:17 | 0:22:21 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:21 | 0:22:22 | |
History now, it is time for Pop-A-Lot... | 0:22:26 | 0:22:30 | |
'Pop-A-Lot!' | 0:22:30 | 0:22:31 | |
Yes. It is the round in which I ask one member of each team | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
to wear one of these ye olde spiky helmets. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
Or to give them their full name - "health and safety nightmare." | 0:22:38 | 0:22:43 | |
Thankfully, Mr Smash is on hand | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
just in case we need any first aid. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
Aaagh...! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:53 | |
THUD | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
I have no idea how he fell over doing that. Anyway... | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
this is how the game works. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Each captain nominates one member to put on said jousting helmet | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
and compete to pop the most balloons before the bell rings. So Leah... | 0:23:04 | 0:23:09 | |
Who will be popping till they drop-ing? | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
Matthew. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
Matthew? All right, Matthew. OK... | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
And Adryan... | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
who's JOUST about ready for this? | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
-Banter! -That was a CORKER. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
Oh-ho-ho! | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
It will be the one, the only - coming to cinemas near you! | 0:23:29 | 0:23:33 | |
the honour will go to Grace. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
Oh! Grace, you going to pop? | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
All right, guys. Well, please come over, get your spiky helmet!# | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:23:42 | 0:23:43 | |
Be careful, be careful, be careful. Guys, are you ready to go? | 0:23:45 | 0:23:50 | |
Right, off you go! | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
FANFARE | 0:23:55 | 0:23:56 | |
MUSIC: Unbelievable by EMF | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
MUSIC STOPS | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
FANFARE | 0:24:22 | 0:24:23 | |
NEIGHING | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
Now! | 0:24:31 | 0:24:32 | |
Remembereth - each nobleth knight | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
must runneth at those turreteths | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
with one's bonceth, | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
and bursteth the ballooneth. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
So without further adoeth... | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
let the jousting...commenceth! | 0:24:43 | 0:24:48 | |
CHEERING | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
Burst those balloons! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
Grace, come on! | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
Bit lower... | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
Bit lower, Grace. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:05 | |
Matthew's going for it! | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Go on, man, yeah! | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
Go on, Grace... | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
Get lower, Grace! | 0:25:14 | 0:25:15 | |
Look at his rhythm! | 0:25:17 | 0:25:18 | |
Oh... | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
Matthew's lost his horse! | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:25:35 | 0:25:36 | |
Time's up - stop! Stop! | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
-Right, let's see... -That was hard. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
Let's see how many you've got left, Grace. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
You have got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine - | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
and you popped about two or three after so you've got 12 left. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:53 | |
Matthew, you have got | 0:25:53 | 0:25:55 | |
one, two, three, four, | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
five, six, seven... | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
Which means our winner and getting a gold star is Matthew! | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
That's the end of the show, guys. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
There was laughs, there was tears, | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
and then... HE SNIFFS | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
..somebody definitely just farted. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
But it's time to add up the scores and bring down the stars... | 0:26:19 | 0:26:24 | |
AUDIENCE: Wooo! | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
And the winners are... | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
Leah's team! | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:35 | 0:26:36 | |
Well done, Leah's team. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
As for Adryan's steam | 0:26:42 | 0:26:43 | |
it is detention with Mr Smash | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
and time for the dog to eat your homework. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
Time to take the walk of shame. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Loser! | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Loser! | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Loser! | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Loser! | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Loser! | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
# Losers. # | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
That's all we've got time for - | 0:27:01 | 0:27:02 | |
no, we didn't learn much but it sure was fun trying. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
See you next time on... | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
-ALL: -The Dog Ate My Homework! | 0:27:07 | 0:27:11 | |
Sees ya! | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 |