Episode 13 The Dog Ate My Homework
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
CHEERING | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:00:09 | 0:00:10 | |
Get off of me, get off of me! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
GROWLING | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
It's a jungle out there. Hello! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
Thank you. Thank you very much. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
Hello, I'm Iain Stirling and this is The Dog Ate My Homework, | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
where the forecast's for fun, frolics | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
and a spattering of handsomeness. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
WHOOPING | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
Yes, I'm talking about myself. Let's meet the teams. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
On my right, a girl who says that the best way to learn is to listen. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
She said some other stuff, but I wasn't, like, paying any attention. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
It's Ella! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
Here, miss! | 0:01:21 | 0:01:22 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
And joining Ella is a science boffin | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
who loves nothing better than working with nitrates. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
Well, they pay better than DAY RATES! | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
It's a science joke. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
Give it up for Absolute Genius star Fran Scott! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
Here, sir! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:38 | 0:01:39 | |
Also on Ella's team, a man who did really well on BBC One show Tumble. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:44 | |
In fact, at the time he was absolutely rolling in it. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
It's Bobby Lockwood! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
Here, sir! | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That is Ella's team. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
And on my left, a boy who sang the highest note he's ever sung | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
when he sat on a pin. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
But at least he was on point. It's Connor! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Joining Connor is someone who's becoming a national treasure. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
One review even said "That dog needs to be locked up, with the key." | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
It's Dodge! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
Hi, Mum! | 0:02:12 | 0:02:13 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
And also on Connor's team, someone who's had plenty of nasty shocks | 0:02:15 | 0:02:19 | |
on Naomi's Nightmares Of Nature. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
And she's in for a even bigger one | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
when she sees her pay cheque from today. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
It's Naomi Wilkinson! | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
Here, sir! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:27 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
Give it up for today's teams! | 0:02:29 | 0:02:30 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
OK! | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
If you're new to the show, and you're finally sick of wondering | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
what's actually going on, this is how we roll. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
Each team competes for the most coveted object | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
in the whole wide world - | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
one of my golden stars. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
WHOOPING | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
Thank you! I'll award these to anyone who's absolutely hilarious - | 0:02:51 | 0:02:55 | |
or in Dodge's case, manages to use the litter tray. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
PRRRP! | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Eurgh! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
We'll need a mop for that later on. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
But beware - | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
give me any nonsense, and I can take those little stars away. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
Oh, no! | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
Hey! Don't question me, cos as you know it's Iain's school - so it's... | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
-ALL: -Iain's rules! | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
# I've got a catchphrase... # | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
At the end of the show, the team with the most stars | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
can talk about how meeting me was | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
the best thing that ever happened to them, | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
while the losers - it's detention with a man | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
who's as graceful as a rhino on roller skates. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
It's Mr Smash. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:33 | |
MUSIC: Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy by Tchaikovsky | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
GIGGLING | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
OK, let's do this thing! | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
Time now for Stick To The Point... | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
'Stick To The Point!' | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
..a game which requires skill, speed of thought... | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
and a big stick. Behold, | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
my stick of pointyness. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
-Nice. -Ooh! | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Here's how the game works. I give the teams a topic, | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
and when I point the stick at them they have to give me | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
examples of that topic. If they fail to answer, or repeat an answer, | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
I put them in the shush position - can I see your shush positions...? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
Lovely stuff. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
OK, the winner is the last team talking. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
First subject is, things that are cold. Bobby. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
-Freezer. -Yes. Dodge. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
-Polar bears. -Yes, please. Bobby. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
-Ice cubes. -Yes, please. Connor. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
-Ice cream. -Yes, please. Ella. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 | |
-A frosty morning. -Oooh...! | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
How very poetic. | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
"I walked upon this frosty morning..." Naomi. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:03 | |
A snowman. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
-Yes, please. Bobby. -Antarctica. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
-Dodge. -Cucumbers! | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:09 | 0:05:10 | |
Cool as a cucumber, I'm going to give you that. Ella? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
-Snow. -Connor. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
Frozen water. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:16 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
We've had ice, I'm going to put you in the shush position, mate. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
-Fran... -Are you asking me? Erm... | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
No, I'm just shouting your name and pointing a stick at you. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
An igloo. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:27 | |
An igloo. Naomi? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
My fingers are right now. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:30 | |
Oh, lovely. Bobby. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
A shower before it gets hot. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
That's true, you turn a shower on, it's cold. And then it gets... | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
OK, OK. Dodge. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
Er... Snow ladies. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
Yes. Ella. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Fridge? | 0:05:47 | 0:05:48 | |
I think we've had that. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
No, we had freezer! | 0:05:50 | 0:05:51 | |
-Oh, OK, that's fine. -Yay. -Dodge. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Ooh... Brr. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
Shush position. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Oh, no, I was going, "Brrr!" | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
That's what I was doing. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:01 | |
"It's so cold..." | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
Shush position, please, Dodge. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
-Ohhh! -Bobby? | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
Er... The bed. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
Shush position! Naomi? | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
-The North Pole. -Oh. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
-Ella. -The South Pole. -Oh... Naomi? | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
An actual cold. You know - achoo. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
That's more sort of viral than... | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
It's very cold in your throat. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
-I'm not going to give you that. Shush position. -Awww. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
Points go to Ella's team there! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
OK. Well played, team. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
The next topic is things you would eat for breakfast. Dodge. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
-Dog food. -Well done. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
-Bobby. -Eggs. -Yes. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
-Connor. -Milk. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
You would eat milk for breakfast(?) | 0:06:41 | 0:06:42 | |
I freeze it, in the freezer, | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
and I take it out in the morning so it's like a milk ice lolly. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
-That's the previous game! -LAUGHTER | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
-Ella? -Cereal. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
-Naomi. -Porridge. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
-Fran. -Toast. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
-Dodge. -Sausages! | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
-Ella. -Eggs Benedict. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
Oooh! | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
"I wandered upon this frosty morning whilst munching my eggs Benedict." | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
-You can't munch it, you just eat it. -Mustn't munch an eggs Benedict(!) | 0:07:09 | 0:07:14 | |
You must consume it daintily. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
-Dodge. -Last night's tandoori. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
Oh... Fran? | 0:07:20 | 0:07:21 | |
-Er, bacon. -Yes. Naomi. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
-Baked beans. -Oh... Ella. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
Full English. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:27 | |
Full English! | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
Dodge. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
Scrambled eggs. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
-Fran. -Haggis? | 0:07:33 | 0:07:34 | |
You can, and it's a very good choice. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:37 | |
Bonus gold star. Loving it. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
Naomi? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
A cinnamon and raisin bagel. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
-Lovely! Bobby? -A frake. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
Frake? | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
You get a big loaf of bread, cut it in half, open it up, | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
and basically get a whole fry-up, put it in the loaf of bread. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Put the loaf back on so it's like a "fry-up cake". Frake. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
You're disgusting! | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
And that's him saying that. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
His next answers might be "the bins", | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
and he thinks that what YOU eat is disgusting. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
-Dodge? -The bins! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:06 | 0:08:07 | |
-Ella. -Muesli. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
Yes. Connor. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
"Met peest." I mean... | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
meat... | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
-Meat paste?! -Yes. -Shush position, Connor. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
shush position. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:19 | |
-Fran. -Mushrooms? -Yes. Naomi. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
-Black pudding. -Yes. Bobby. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:23 | |
-Marmite on toast. -Yes. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
-Dodge. -Unbranded flakes. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
The BBC's favourite type of cereal. The unbranded flakes. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:34 | |
-Ella. -Jam! | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-Naomi. -Fruit. -Yes! | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
-Fran. -Pancakes. -Yes. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
-Dodge. -An old bone. -Yes. Bobby. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
-Waffles. -Yes. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
Naomi. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:46 | |
-Erm... -Shush position! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
Connor just told me to say "cucumber." | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Oh... Never say "cucumber" ever again. Shush position. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
That's a terrible answer. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Dodge, you're last man standing. Here we go. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Bobby... | 0:08:58 | 0:08:59 | |
Argh...! | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
-You can't have "argh" for breakfast. -You could... | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
It's more a lunchtime dish. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
Shush position. Dodge... | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
Eggy bread! | 0:09:07 | 0:09:08 | |
Yes! | 0:09:08 | 0:09:09 | |
Ella. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
Tomato sauce. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
You can have it on a fry-up, I suppose... | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
That is not a meal. We need to tell someone about this. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
-ELLA: -It is! | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
You can eat it for your breakfast. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
No! You can't eat tomato sauce. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
I'm stalling, because I haven't got anything else to say. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
LAUGHTER Shush position! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
Points go to Ella's team again! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:09:29 | 0:09:30 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Time up - at the end of the round the gold star goes to...Ella's team! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:36 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
It is now time for The Last Word. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
'The Last Word!' | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
In this game the teams have to answer the previous question | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
to the one that I'm asking, and to make it interesting | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
I'll be calling out the names of the person I want to answer at random. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:59 | |
The team with the most "right wrong" answers are the winners. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Does anyone understand this? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
No. Good. Let's get on with the game! | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
OK. On today's show, what panellist | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
is small, hairy and presents on CBBC? | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
Bobby. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
Correct! Well done. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
What animal is black, white and known to be really smelly? Connor. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:21 | |
-Dodge. -Correct. -Oi! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
Who left One Direction? Fran. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
-Skunk. -Correct. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
Granny Smiths, Golden Delicious and Pink Ladies are all types of...? | 0:10:27 | 0:10:32 | |
-Connor. -Zayn. -Correct. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
What do you kick around when you're playing football? Dodge. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
Apples! | 0:10:38 | 0:10:39 | |
-Correct. -Yes. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
Finish the saying - "as cool as a...?" Ella. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
-Football? -Correct. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
What do you wear on your head? | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
-Bobby. -Cucumber. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
Yeah, it would go with your shirt. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
What might a magician pull from his hat? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
-Dodge. -Cucumbers. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
BUZZER No... | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
-Eh? -No. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
You're two behind now. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
What do you wash your hair with? Connor. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
-Hat. -BUZZER | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
No! We've gone one behind now. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
What's yellow, sometimes lumpy and goes with apple crumble? | 0:11:09 | 0:11:13 | |
-Fran. -Shampoo? -Correct! | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
If you're at the beach, you might swim in the...? Naomi? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
Custard? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:19 | |
Yes! | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
You might sit on this at a picnic. Ella. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
Water...? | 0:11:24 | 0:11:25 | |
Something... | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
-I'll give you it, it's the sea. I'll give you that. -Yay! | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
Monkeys love to eat what, Connor? | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
Bananas. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
BUZZER | 0:11:34 | 0:11:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
Yay! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
The next question's going to be very easy to answer. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
This rubs out pencil. Ella. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
-Bananas. -Correct! | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
What white liquid do people put in their coffee. Dodge. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
Cucumbers. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
-You're doing this on purpose! -I don't understand! | 0:11:54 | 0:11:58 | |
Don't talk, it's going out of my brain... | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
People put salt and what on their fish and chips? Bobby. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
-Milk...? -Yes! | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
What do you rub into your skin to protect it from the sun? Naomi. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
-Vinegar! -Yes. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:13 | |
Complete the superhero duo, Batman and...? Fran. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
-Suntan lotion. -Yes. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
Batman and Suntan Lotion, that's why Batman only comes out at night-time. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:23 | |
How many players are in your team? Connor. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
-Robin. -Correct. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
How many eyes do I have? Ella. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
-Three. -Correct. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:31 | |
Finish the quote "To be or not..." Dodge? | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
Eye. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
I mean two! | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
-Why did you say "eye"?! -Two eyes... | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Oh, man! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
-Do you understand this at all? -The answer's eyes. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
-No, it's TWO! -Two. Aaagh! | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
It's not "How many eyes do I have?" "Eyes"... | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
The animal that brings you eggs Easter is known as the Easter...? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
Bobby. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
I don't know... | 0:13:04 | 0:13:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
It's Shakespeare, you're an actor! | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
"To be or not to be." | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
-That's not the answer! -Well, what were you talking about...? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
CUCUMBER! | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
Cinderella lost her glass...? Naomi. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
Er...! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
Bunny! The answer's bunny! | 0:13:21 | 0:13:24 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
That's not how the story goes. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
What do you hit a ball with in a game of tennis? Fran. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
A glass slipper! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
Yes! | 0:13:33 | 0:13:34 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:13:34 | 0:13:35 | |
Yes! | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
What piece of cutlery do you use to eat soup? Connor. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
(I don't know what the last question was...) | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
-Do you three know what this game is?! -Give us a second! | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
I'm giving you ages... | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
Don't ask HIM! | 0:13:51 | 0:13:52 | |
He'll tell you "cucumber." | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Cucumber. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:57 | |
It's not cucumber! | 0:13:57 | 0:13:58 | |
-Can't remember the question. -Jack and Jill went up a...? | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
Racket? | 0:14:01 | 0:14:02 | |
No! | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
-Right. Dodge... NAOMI: -Ready? | 0:14:07 | 0:14:08 | |
-Oh, no, no, no... -No, wait... | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
I'm going to ask you a question. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
The answer is "the hill." OK? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
-OK, OK. -Say it out loud just once now... | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
-The hill. -Right, here we go. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
-Come on, Dodge... -I need this to go well. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
What do you eat on your birthday? | 0:14:24 | 0:14:25 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
Go on! | 0:14:28 | 0:14:29 | |
T-The Hill...? | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
YES! | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:14:32 | 0:14:33 | |
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
Ella. Ella, Ella, Ella. What is the capital of England? | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
Birthday cake. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:42 | |
Yes! | 0:14:42 | 0:14:43 | |
Where are koalas from? Naomi. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
-London. -Correct. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
When trying to sleep, you often count..? Bobby? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
I don't actually know where koalas are from! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
What do you mean?! | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
-Bear country...? What is that? -Bear country?! | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
-(Australia.) -Australia. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
A child told you the answer! | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
Of course... | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
-Oh, that is bad, innit? -Really bad. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
What pet has cheek pouches | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
and a running wheel? Naomi. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
I've no idea what the question before was. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
Neither do I and I've got the answers! | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
Oh! That's all we've got time for! | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
At the end of that round, the team with the gold star is Ella's team! | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Time now for Pie The Supply! | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
'Pie The Supply!' | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
We're looking for a new supply teacher, | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
I'm going to bring on four possible candidates. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
One of them is the real deal, | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
while the other three don't have anything better to do | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
than stand around on a telly show pretending to be a teacher, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
so that's not weird at all. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
Our teams can ask any questions they want - | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
they then need to identify, | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
and pie, the real supply teacher. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
So let's bring out the teachers! | 0:15:55 | 0:15:59 | |
BOOING | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
'School disco!' | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
School disco! | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
# "Don't you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me" | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
# I said, "You're holding back" | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
# She said, "Shut up and dance with me!" | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
# This woman is my destiny | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
# She said, "Ooh-ooh-hoo | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
# "Shut up and dance with me!" # | 0:16:26 | 0:16:30 | |
NEEDLE SCRATCHES, RECORD STOPS | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
Boo the teachers - boo them loud and boo them proud. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
BOOING | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
Let's have a little read of our teachers' CVs. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:42 | |
Teacher number one is Mrs Roden. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Mrs Roden has been a teacher for five years. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
She once went to the bathroom during a lesson, | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
and came back with her dress tucked into her leggings. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
In her spare time, she goes horse riding. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
Number two is Miss Kareem. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
She's been a Modern Studies teacher for seven years. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
She once baked a cake, | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
and gave the PE teacher Mr Jenkins food poisoning. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:04 | |
Number three is Miss Mainie. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:05 | |
She's been a Modern Studies teacher for four years. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
She plays air guitar, and is allergic to mushrooms. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
Number four is Mr Shan. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
He's been teaching for three years. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
He loves politics, | 0:17:15 | 0:17:16 | |
and regularly watches Question Time with his kitten, Molly. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:20 | |
LAUGHTER They have a great time together. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
OK. So, those are your teachers. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
-Dodge, who do you think? Who looks like a teacher? -Number four. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
-Why? -Because he looks like he'd put me in detention. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
Got a right attitude about you just now. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
-PRRRP! -I'm not staying after school. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
All right. Ella? | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
-Number three. -Why number three? | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
She just looks like a teacher | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
that would...teach someone in a class. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
That is, I mean, the dictionary definition of what a teacher is. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
She looks like she's going to be the sort of teacher | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
that's going to be covered in one of these in a minute! | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
Fran? Any thoughts? | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
I was thinking either one or two, because three and four were doing | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
a lot of smirking when you were reading out their CV. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
And I thought, teachers don't smirk. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
Never. They don't have fun, do they? | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
They just stand there, dead behind the eyes. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
Three's smirk was the best, I think, there was | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
-a lot of smirking...ness coming from her. -Cool. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
You can ask some questions, so I'll go over to Connor's team now. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:23 | |
What are you thinking, Connor? | 0:18:23 | 0:18:24 | |
Number three, could you maybe give Iain a row? | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Yeah - number three, give me a row. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:28 | |
Here! You! Zip it. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:31 | 0:18:32 | |
Only in Scotland. "Here - you!" | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
To the children. "Oi, you lot! Come 'ere, now!" | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Tell you what, Dodge, what I'm going to do - | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
-I'll get you to do a little wee on the desk... -Yeah. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
..and I want one, two, three and four individually | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
to stop Dodge for doing er... | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
stop him going lav-lav on the desk. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
So er...number one... TINKLING | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
..please tell off your student. | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
Hurry up, number one. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
That's enough! | 0:19:01 | 0:19:02 | |
Stop it! | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
Number two...? | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
Hey, you! Stop it! | 0:19:06 | 0:19:07 | |
He's still going. Number three? | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Bathroom's that way - go, go, go! | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
Oh, he's still going. Number four! | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Bad boy! | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
There you go... APPLAUSE | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
Right. So, any more questions? | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
We go over to Ella's team for a bit. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
-Bobcat, have you got any questions for the guys? -Number one... -Yeah... | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
You went to the bathroom during a lesson. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
Did you tell the kids you were going to the toilet? | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
Uh-huh. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:33 | |
-You did? -I did, yeah. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
Did you walk back in going, "I wouldn't go in there for a bit"? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:38 | |
Did you have your dress caught in your... | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
-Right in my leggings, right in the back. -Oh, no! | 0:19:41 | 0:19:44 | |
-How long did you go, until you realised? -Oh, the whole class. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
-Laughing behind your back. -They weren't going to tell me. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:51 | |
Number one just thought she was being hilarious that day. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
-Did you say number three does air guitar? -She does air guitar, yeah. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
Bit of air guitar - one, two, three - here we go... | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
# Doww, naoww-naoww...! # | 0:20:02 | 0:20:03 | |
Pretty... Yeah. Wow. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
Tell you what, we've all had a question - | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
it's time to ask the audience, | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
who do you think it is? One, two, three or four? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
Answer now! | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
THEY ALL SHOUT OUT NUMBERS | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
OK. I think the audience might think it's number three. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
So, it's decision time - | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
who is going to get pied? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
Ella... | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
you're up first, it's time for you to... | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
'Pie The Supply!' | 0:20:37 | 0:20:38 | |
Up you go, Ella, here we go. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
Is the supply teacher going to get pied?! | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
-BOBBY: -Be careful, don't... | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
-DODGE: -Oh, it's tasty! -Here we go... CONNOR: -Don't eat it! | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
Oh... | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
SPLAT! Oh! | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
Just rubbed it in! | 0:21:00 | 0:21:01 | |
She rubbed it in. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
Stop it... | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
Stop it, Ella! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:09 | |
You look like Casper the Friendly Ghost! | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
OK, Connor, it's now time for you to... | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
'Pie The Supply!' | 0:21:17 | 0:21:18 | |
-Up you go. DODGE: -Good luck! | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
Who's he going to pick? Here we go! | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
Oh... | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
SPLAT! Oh! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
No...! | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
Connor... | 0:21:38 | 0:21:39 | |
Connor, get over here. Connor! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Connor! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
I am so sorry. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
Would...? If it's not number three this is really bad. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
Would the real supply teacher please step forward! | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
Well, you are both right so you both get a gold star! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:13 | |
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:13 | 0:22:14 | |
History now - | 0:22:21 | 0:22:22 | |
I know what you're thinking, "Great show so far, Iain, | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
"but what we'd really like to see is a celebrity riding a fake horse | 0:22:25 | 0:22:29 | |
"while trying to pop balloons with their 'ead." | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
Well, you're just in time for the best thing ever. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
This is Pop-A-Lot... | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
'Pop-A-Lot!' | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
..the game in which one member from each team puts on these rather | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
attractive balloon popping helmets | 0:22:40 | 0:22:44 | |
that are conveniently located under my desk there, | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
and attempts to pop the most balloons before the bell rings. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:51 | |
So Ella... | 0:22:51 | 0:22:52 | |
who do you think can pop till they drop? | 0:22:52 | 0:22:55 | |
Bobby can pop. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
Yes. You're going to use all your acting skills, Bobby. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:01 | |
And...my shorts. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:02 | |
Yeah - put your legs away, it's weird. OK... | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
Connor, given that the budget | 0:23:05 | 0:23:06 | |
means we couldn't afford a small helmet for Dodge, | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
who do you want to do the popping? | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
Even though he is quite lucky, | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
-I have to go with Naomi. -No, but Connor, Connor, Connor... | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
sometimes my mum calls me Plop-A-Lot. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:19 | 0:23:20 | |
-It's POP-A-Lot, Dodge. -Well... -What? | 0:23:20 | 0:23:23 | |
-Do you want to dress up as a... -As you were, carry on, as you were. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:27 | |
OK, so it's Naomi and Bobby, guys. Let's play...Pop-A-Lot! | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
FANFARE | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
CLIP-CLOPPING, NEIGHING | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
OK! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
My lordeths and ladies, | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
I giveth you the knights of the kitchen table. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:54 | |
As is customary, | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
you shall go when I count down | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
from three. | 0:23:58 | 0:23:59 | |
Three-eth... | 0:23:59 | 0:24:00 | |
two-eth... | 0:24:00 | 0:24:01 | |
one-eth! | 0:24:01 | 0:24:02 | |
Get plopping! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:04 | |
AUDIENCE SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT | 0:24:04 | 0:24:05 | |
Get your head in! | 0:24:12 | 0:24:15 | |
Naomi's having a disaster... | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
Come on, Naomi! | 0:24:21 | 0:24:23 | |
Come on...! | 0:24:36 | 0:24:37 | |
Come on! | 0:24:50 | 0:24:51 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
OK, stop! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
Stop, stop, stop! | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
Stop! | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
Naomi! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
Naomi... Stop! | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
Bobby Lockwood, I think you've found your calling in life. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
Do you know how hard that is? | 0:25:09 | 0:25:10 | |
But you've made it look really easy. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
We gave you about an extra two minutes to catch up with him... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
Well - let's see who's won. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
LAUGHTER Erm... | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
We'll count how many Bobby's got left... | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
That's that done. Erm...! | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
And now Naomi - | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
you've got one, two, three, four, five... | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
I'm afraid the gold star goes to... | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
Ella's team! | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Sadly that is all we have got time for. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:48 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Awww! | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
I know, I'm great. And, while everyone's a winner on this show, | 0:25:50 | 0:25:54 | |
there is a team who are ACTUALLY the winners, | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
and a team that are a big bunch of losers. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
But obviously, it's the taking part that counts. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:02 | |
I've legally got to say that. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
So... Let's bring down the stars! | 0:26:04 | 0:26:08 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Wooo...! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
Today's winners are... | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
Ella's team! | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:18 | 0:26:19 | |
And for Connor's team, | 0:26:24 | 0:26:25 | |
the dog gets to eat your homework | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
and a fate worse than death - well, not worse than death but it's bad - | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
detention with Mr Smash. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
It's time for you guys to take the walk of shame... | 0:26:33 | 0:26:37 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Losers! | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Losers! | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Losers! | 0:26:41 | 0:26:42 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Losers! | 0:26:42 | 0:26:44 | |
-# La la-la, la-la-la -# Losers! | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
# Losers. # | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
And now it really is home time - | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
as ever it's fair to say we didn't learn much...but it was fun trying. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:56 | |
See you all next time on... | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
-ALL: -The Dog Ate My Homework! | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
# See-ee-ee-ees ya! # | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 |