Episode 2 The Dog Ate My Homework
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
CHEERING | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
GIBBERISH | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
Hello, everyone watching this television programme. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
I am Iain Stirling, and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework, | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
the show that says come in, put your feet up! | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
Do you know what, I'm going to put my feet up right now. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
HE GROANS | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
BONES CRUNCH | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
Let's take the register. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
Thank you for that unprompted round of applause. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
On my right, a girl who did a cookery school project | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
on Belgian pastries. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
It was mostly waffle. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
It's Sara, everybody. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:22 | |
Here, sir. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
And on Sara's team, a presenter who says success is | 0:01:24 | 0:01:28 | |
10% inspiration, 90% perspiration. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
Basically, he's very successful, but he stinks. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
It's Sam Dixon. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
Here, sir. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
Also on Sara's team is a comedy actress | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
who remembers being at school like it was yesterday. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
She has a very good memory. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
It's Sam Battersea. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Here, sir. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
And on my left, a boy who failed his maths test | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
for handing in photos of himself doing press-ups. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
A bit unfair cos they did ask him to show his working out. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
-It's Mykee-D. -Here, sir. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
And on Mykee-D's team, | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
a CBBC legend who's always up to scratch | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
because the dirty mutt's got fleas. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
It's Dodge T Dog. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
Thank you. Thank you. Yes, Miss! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
And finally, on Mykee-D's team, | 0:02:17 | 0:02:18 | |
a presenter who says he won't let fame go to his head. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
We'll be all right for a couple more years yet. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
It's Mark Rhodes, everyone. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
Here, sir. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:29 | |
Let's give it up for both of today's teams! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
So what's this all about, then? I'll tell you. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Our teams play games to try and win my special gold stars, | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
and just like bees who are attracted to flowers, | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
so are gold stars - they're attracted to pretty things. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
Pretty things like this. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
Come in, my golden stars. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
Look how they flock to his gorgeous face! | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
But give me any nonsense and this'll happen. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
They've all gone away! Oh! | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
HE RETCHES | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
But don't knock it, cos it's Iain's school, so it's... | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
-ALL: -Iain's rules! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
The team with the most stars at the end of the show | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
are so good they don't even need a prize. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
(Come here. Come here. Yeah, get in here.) | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
(We haven't got any prizes!) | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
While the losers face detention with a man so scary | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
that if he stares at milk long enough, it turns into cheese. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
It's Mr Smash. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
Huh? | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
HE YELLS | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
BONGO BREAKS WIND | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
BONGOS BREAK WIND AND BURP IN RHYTHM # Smooth operator | 0:04:05 | 0:04:09 | |
# Smooth operator | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
# Smooth operator... # | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
RECORD SKIPS | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
I think we can all agree none of us saw that coming. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
OK, guys, let's get on with the show! | 0:04:20 | 0:04:25 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Time now for Stick To The Point. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
-ANNOUNCER: -Stick To The Point. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
This is a quickfire round. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
I'll ask questions, and if our teams are too slow, | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
repeat an answer or just go... HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
..then I'll put them in the shush position. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
Can I see your shush positions, please. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Good, strong shushing, apart from Dodge. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
-I'm trying. I don't have any fingers. -Good point. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:52 | |
And exciting news, stick fans, | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
because today I have an all-new improved stick of pointiness. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
May I present to you, the stick of pointiness mark two. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
-FANFARE AUDIENCE: -Ooh! -It's amazing. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:07 | |
It's recently painted. I can't wait to try it out. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
Here we go. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:11 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
It's not supposed to be like that, actually. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
Don't even like that one. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
We'll just use the old stick of pointiness! | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
CHEERING I just didn't want to use that one. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
OK, quickfire questions. You know the rules. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
Here's your first question. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:26 | |
Things you would do at the beach, Mark. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
-Sunbathe. -Yes, please. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
-Dodge. -Dig a hole in the sand and hide things in it. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
-LAUGHTER What things? -Nothing... | 0:05:34 | 0:05:38 | |
Every time Dodge is on the show and he gives the wrong answer, | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
he does this thing with his hands to be cute. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:44 | |
No, I don't! Ah... | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
-Sara. -Uh...play football. -Yeah, I'll give you that. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:52 | |
-Sam! -Do that strange crab walk to the sea when the sand's too hot. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
Ah! Eeh! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Ah! | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
-Mark. -Pretend you're in a music video | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
and run really slowly down the beach. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:01 | |
Or, in Sam's case... | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
-Sara. -Oh... | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Oh, shush position. BUZZER | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
-Dodge. -Jumping in the sea and seeing, like, a rock | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
and thinking it's a shark and running back to your mum and dad. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
Bonus gold star for an impression of that. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
Uh... | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
Bonus gold star for Mykee-D's team. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
I'm going to do a Mark versus Sam stick of pointiness-off. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
Here we go. Sam. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:36 | |
Make that face when you accidentally swallow sea water. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
-I'll give you that. Mark. -Sunbathe... | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
-We've had it! -Oh, no! -Yes! | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
Shush position. Bonus gold star to Sara's team | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
cos Sam won the competition. OK. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
Woo! Yay. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:52 | |
-Sam. -Body boarding. -Body boarding. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
-Mykee-D. -Going to...the shops. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
BUZZER Shush position. Come on. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
-Dodge, it's all on you, mate. Sam. -Playing volleyball. -Yes! | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
-Dodge. -Playing football. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
-We've had it. Shush position. -Yay! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
Gold star goes to Sara's team. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
OK, musical instrument...noises. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:19 | |
Sam. Say... | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY Shush position, shush position. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
There was a delay then a fart, Sam. That's not what we're after. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:28 | |
-Sara. -Drums. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:31 | |
Very clever. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:32 | |
-OK, Mykee-D. -Guitar. Wow-wow-wow... | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
A guitar that's underwater. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
Wow-wow-wow... | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
-Dodge the dog. -A trumpet. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
HE BELLOWS | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
Or a distressed lady! One of the two. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
-Sara! -Piano. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
SHE IMITATES PIANO | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
It's good. Mykee-D. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
Microphone. Hello. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Brilliant. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Bonus gold star. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
-Sam! -Penny whistle. -HE WHISTLES | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
-Mykee-D. -Um...bongos. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
Oh, shush position for the hesitation. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
-Sara. -Uh... -Shush position. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
Here we go. Sam! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
Tambourine. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
HE IMITATES TAMBOURINE | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
-Mark! -Saxophone. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
HE IMITATES SAXOPHONE | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
Mark is more into this than the entire audience. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
-Sam. -Flute. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:31 | |
HE IMITATES FLUTE | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
-What noise was that? -Flute! | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
-Dodge. -One of those things that has lots of beads on it | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
that you shake that goes, chaka-chaka-choo, chaka-chaka-choo. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
-Mark. -A violin. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
HE IMITATES VIOLIN | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
Even Mykee-D's like, dude, I know you're going to get me a gold star, | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
but this is embarrassing. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
-Dodge. -A smaller trumpet. -HE SCREECHES | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
No, no. We've had it. Shush position. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
-Mark. -The orchestra man. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:02 | |
-That's not an instrument! -Hey! With that attitude, it isn't. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:07 | |
Right, I'm going to go up to the powers above. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Is it a musical instrument? | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Yes! -The audience are saying yes. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Let's give him it. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:16 | |
They just want you to carry on... | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
You're like a dad dancing at a wedding. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
-Sam! -Banjo. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
Jang-jang-jang-jang, jang-jang, jang-jang! | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
-Mark! -Sir! Oh...! I've lost it. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
That means the gold star goes to Sara's team. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
Oh, that is school bell and, at the end of that round, | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
the gold star goes to... | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
-Sara's team. -Yes! | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
-It's now time for Watch Your Mouth. ANNOUNCER: -Watch Your Mouth. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
Yes, it's Mr Smash's favourite round, | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
where our teams show their best Mr Smash growls. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
Here, Smashy, give us a growl. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
HE GROWLS | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
Do a happy growl. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:05 | |
-GROWLING: -Ha-ha-ha. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
Do a fabulous growl. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
HE GROWLS EXCITEDLY | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
Exactly. That's the sort of thing we're looking for. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
So teams will have to try and talk properly while wearing one of these. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
It is the Mr Smash growl maker. OK? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:24 | |
So, teams, growl makers in your mush, if you wouldn't mind. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:28 | |
Stick them right in. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:29 | |
-Iain. -What? -"Cheese, Gromit." | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
Do "Wensleydale" in your accent. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
"Wensleydale, Gromit." | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
Right, guys, it is general knowledge. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
-ANNOUNCER: -School disco! -Oh! School disco! | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
# I need your love | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
# I need your love... # | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
RECORD SKIPS | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
OK. Fingers on buzzers. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
Anyone can buzz in. The first question is, | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
what word beginning with S is the name given | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
to the watery substance formed in the mouth of humans and animals? | 0:11:11 | 0:11:16 | |
-Yes, Sara's team. -Saliva. -Huh? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Saliva. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
OK, for a bonus point, | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
name three delicious things that make your mouth water, Sara's team. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
-Lemon. -LAUGHING: What?! | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
-Lemons. -Lemons? -Yeah. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
-What's next? -Lions. -IAIN LAUGHS | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
-Earrings. -Earrings? | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
-Err-angs. -Err-angs. I can't say it, I can't say it! | 0:11:38 | 0:11:42 | |
-"Err-angs"? -No, err-angs. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
-Meringues! -Yes! | 0:11:45 | 0:11:46 | |
OK! OK, bonus, here we go. Fingers on buzzers. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
Which well-known Disney animation | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
featuring the song Colours Of The Wind is the... | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
Yes, Mykee-D. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:56 | |
Hocahontas! | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
One more time? | 0:11:59 | 0:12:00 | |
Hocahontas! | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
-Pocahontas. -Yeah! | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
OK, for a bonus point, give me three things you shouldn't poke. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
-A bear. -A bear. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
Lady Gaga's face. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
Lady Gaga's face. Yes. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
-Eez. -Leaves? | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
Eez! | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Leeds? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
-Eez! -Bees. Bees! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:26 | |
Bonus there, bonus for you guys. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:27 | |
Fingers on buzzers. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
What do blueberries, the Smurfs and the sky all have in common? | 0:12:29 | 0:12:34 | |
Yeah, Sara's team. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:35 | |
They're blue. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
-Say it again. -They are blue. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
-Sam, what colour is your shirt? -Blue. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
For a bonus point, name three shades of blue, Sam Nixon. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
-Navy. -Yeah. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
-Royal blue. -Yeah. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
-And sky blue. -Yes! | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
Bonus gold star. Round of applause. | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
Fingers on buzzers. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:01 | |
Spell the word pronunciation. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
Yes, Mykee-D. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:05 | |
-T. -T? | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
"Pronunciation". Go. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
-P. -Yeah. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
-P. -R. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
-O. -O, yeah. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
-N. -Yeah. -O... | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
No, I can't give you it. Sara's team. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
-Is that right? -Yeah. -I'll give you that. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
Bonus point. Repeat this word. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
-Phenomenon. -Phenomenon. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
-It's good. Good. -That was good. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Sara, you're up next. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
-Phenomenon. -That was great! | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
He's got a lot to follow. Can he do it? Sam Nixon. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
Phenomenon. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
Bonus gold star. There we go. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
OK, next question. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
What name is given to the family of musical instruments | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
that include flutes, clarinets and oboes? | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
Yes? | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
-Woodwind. -Is correct. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
And for a bonus gold star, Sam Nixon, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
can you play this recorder? | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
Give it a go. There we go. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
RECORDER PLAYS WEAKLY | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
-Use your nose! -Use your nose! | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
Oh, yeah! | 0:14:18 | 0:14:19 | |
RECORDER PLAYS WEAKLY | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
Yeah! | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
SCHOOL BELL RINGS OK, school bell there. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
With the most correct answers and getting the gold star, it is... | 0:14:27 | 0:14:32 | |
Sara's team! | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
It is time now for Pie The Supply. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
-ANNOUNCER: -Pie The Supply. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
Yes, welcome to the studio four more cheerful chumps, | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
all claiming to be maths teachers. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
But get this - one of them... | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
is a vampire! | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
THUNDERCLAP | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
Huh? Sorry, what? | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
Oh, sorry. One of them is a real teacher. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
I get them mixed up all the time. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:03 | |
It ruins Twilight. Ruined it for me. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
As usual, our teams must identify and then Pie The Supply. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:11 | |
So our maths teachers are, teacher one, Mr Williamson. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:16 | |
Teacher two, Miss Ahmed. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Teacher three, Mr Yanga. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Teacher four, Mr Barber. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
So, Sara's team, let's delve deeper, metaphorically speaking. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:30 | |
Have you got any questions for our teachers? | 0:15:30 | 0:15:31 | |
-I've got one. -All right, Sam, off you go. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
Start with number one. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:35 | |
-Hi, sir. -Hey, Mark. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
Sam, but... | 0:15:38 | 0:15:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
Yes! Bonus gold star for teacher number one. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
-Clue's right there. -Sam, he's not an English teacher. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
I'm a maths teacher, not an English teacher. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
He'll call you number two. Right. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
Sir, number one, could you possibly just say...? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
Could you spit out your chodification, please. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
-Sam Dixon... -Nixon. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Another bonus gold star for teacher number one. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:09 | |
Sorry, go on, sir. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
Sam Nixon, will you spit out your spudification this minute! | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
Spu..?! OK! | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
-Number two. -You! | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
Spit that chudification out. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
-"Chudification"! -This is the best game ever! | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
-Three. -Zip it, Sam. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
It's not what I asked for. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
-Four. -Stand up, go to the front of the class and put that gum in a bin. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:36 | |
-ALL: -Ooh! | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
-I've got a question. -Right, Mark. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
Number one, 7 x 7, go. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Mark, if I told you that, you'd be as clever as me. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
You can't give that answer having spent five minutes going... | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
-Number two. -4 x 20. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
-40... 60. -Brilliant. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:01 | |
-Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. -Sit down. -That is brilliant. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:06 | |
More than 40. That's my final answer. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
Number four. Next one, Mark. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
Number four, 14 x 6. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
Number four. Number four. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:15 | |
-Oh, me? -Doesn't even know what number he is. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
Oh, sorry about that. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
-14 x 6. -14 x 6. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
84. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Ooh! -Wow. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
OK. 4 x 24. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:29 | |
-4 x 24? -Yeah. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
-48 x 2. -Yeah. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
80... 72? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
-Is it 83? -Really not close. -No, that's wrong. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:40 | |
Tell you what, let's see what the audience have got to say. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
Audience, I mean, good luck... | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
Is it one, two, three or four? | 0:17:46 | 0:17:47 | |
All vote now using numbers. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
Go! | 0:17:50 | 0:17:51 | |
THEY ALL SHOUT ANSWER | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
A lot of people thinking it's four. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
OK, the decision is totally up to you guys. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
So who's lied, and who's about to get pied? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
Sara, it's time for you to pie the supply! | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
-ANNOUNCER: -Pie The Supply! | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
OK, Sara, who do you think's a maths teacher? | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
There's plenty of cream on there to go round. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
-Look at how happy she is! -Look how smiley she is. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
-Who's it going to be? ALL: -Oh...! | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
Number four, you got pied! | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
OK, Mykee-D, we're not leaving you out, mate. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
It's time for you to pie the supply! | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
-ANNOUNCER: -Pie The Supply. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Get it rubbed in. There's loads of cream on them pies. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
-Ah... -Mykee-D is dressed... | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
I mean, you're dressed Essex, mate, I love it. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
Oh, he's had a wee taste. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
Who's going to get pied? Who's going to get pied? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:50 | |
-ALL: -Oh...! | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
Look at number three's smug little face. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
Bring in another pie! | 0:19:04 | 0:19:05 | |
OK, let's find out if they were right. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Would the real maths teacher please step forward? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
Number four! We pied a teacher! | 0:19:15 | 0:19:20 | |
That means, at the end of that round, | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
the gold star goes to Sara's team! | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
Time to find the High School Drop-out. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
-ANNOUNCER: -High School Drop-out. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:38 | |
In this round, two of our celeb guests go head-to-head | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
on the mildly terrifying Dog Ate My Homework drop zones! | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
OMINOUS MUSIC | 0:19:45 | 0:19:50 | |
Our panellists will have to answer general knowledge questions | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
while standing, legs trembling, on their drop zones. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
The first one to get three wrong answers is then totally binned. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:01 | |
Sara, who from your team do you want to take the drop? | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
-Sam. -Oh, man. -So we're going for Sam Nixon first. -Yes. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:08 | |
And Mykee-D, what are we going to do? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
A Sam and Mark head-to-head. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
-Oh! -I... Wha...? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:16 | |
Lads, take your positions on the drop zone! | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
OK, there they are, standing on the drop zones. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
It's really high! | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
I can't even see you. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:31 | |
-OK, Sam. -Yeah? -You get the first question. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
Which weighs more? Hot water or cold water. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:41 | |
-Ha-ha! OK. -Can you help your team-mate out, guys? | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
Sara's just said hot. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
Why do you think that, Sara? | 0:20:47 | 0:20:48 | |
-I'm just picking, just randomly. -Feels right, Sam, it feels right! | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
It's a hunch, it's a hunch, I think. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
You're double bluffing me. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
-Cold. -That's locked in now. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
I mean... | 0:20:58 | 0:20:59 | |
Cold, I'm going cold. Sorry, Sara, sorry, Sara. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:02 | |
Sara said hot water, and I can tell you the answer is... | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
hot water! | 0:21:05 | 0:21:07 | |
-Sorry, Sara. -What are you doing, Mark? -You should have listened. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:12 | |
Sorry, it's my premature victory dance. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
-Next question. In 1982... -Ooh... | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
..Steven Spielberg's film ET originally started life | 0:21:20 | 0:21:24 | |
as a screenplay with which title? | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
A, Night Skies, B, Out Of This World. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
Night Skies or Out Of This World. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
-Out Of This World. -You think Out Of This World? | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
-It kind of makes sense. -I can't decide. -Thanks, Dodge(!) | 0:21:36 | 0:21:40 | |
I've got a headache. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:41 | |
We are going to go with Out Of This World. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:45 | |
And I can tell you that the correct answer is... | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
it's Night Skies. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:49 | |
-Oh, no! -No! SARA: -Yay! -Oh! | 0:21:49 | 0:21:53 | |
What was that victory dance you were doing? | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
Next question. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
Sam, Oliver Cromwell reportedly banned | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
which of the following Christmas traditions in England? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
Was it A, the eating of mince pies and Christmas puddings, | 0:22:04 | 0:22:08 | |
or B, the singing of Christmas carols after midnight? | 0:22:08 | 0:22:12 | |
I think it'd be the Christmas carol one. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
I think it would be. Don't you think? | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
-Sara? -Now, can we just check with...? | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
Yeah, I know, Sara, you're smashing it at the minute. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
-Yeah, I agree with you. -You agree? -Yeah. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
So the singing of Christmas carols at midnight, B. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
Yes, please. Oh, no! | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
You know that Oliver Cromwell banned... | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
the eating of mince pies and Christmas pudding! | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
Look how nervous he is! | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
Sam is one wrong question away from the drop. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:42 | |
-Sam, Sam, just...just in case. -No! | 0:22:42 | 0:22:46 | |
Stop it, because you might knock it by accident. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
Oh! | 0:22:50 | 0:22:51 | |
Put the lid on it, put the lid on it! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
Mark Rhodes, this is to stay on amber. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
Which structure in London is taller? | 0:22:58 | 0:23:01 | |
The London Eye, or the arch above Wembley Stadium? | 0:23:01 | 0:23:06 | |
-A. -It's got to be the Eye? | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
I would go Wembley arch, | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
but you're in charge, as team captain. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
Yeah, let's go with the arch. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:15 | |
-You're going to go Wembley arch. -You're going Wembley arch? | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
-Yeah. -OK. Right. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
Do you know why Mykee-D said London Eye straight off the bat? | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
-He said that because... -It's right. -..London Eye is the correct answer! | 0:23:25 | 0:23:28 | |
Yes! | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
Mark Rhodes and Sam Nixon are both on red. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:34 | |
The next wrong answer, they are dropped. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
-I'm so sorry. -OK, Sam. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
-In the human body... -Can I just check one last thing? -Yeah. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
-If I get it wrong, do I go straightaway? -You're gone. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
Or we might keep it for a bit, and then you're gone. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
-One other thing... -Right. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
Is your button genuinely connected to this, | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
or is it a TV prop? | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
-All I'm going to say is this. -Yep. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
-Imagine this is your feet, right? -Yep. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
-Make sure your feet are right on... -Argh! | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
-..right on the thing. -Stop it! Next question. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
Don't be walking about. That's health and safety. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:09 | |
-Got to get this right. -I wish I'd not worn these heavy shoes. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
-Sam. -Yeah? -In the human body, what is the hallux? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
A, the big toe, B, the smallest toe. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
-Oh, what? -What is the hallux? | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
Guys, have you ever taken your shoe off...? | 0:24:23 | 0:24:26 | |
It makes me think of a small toe. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
"Hallix", "harlux", makes Sara think of a little toe. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
-Good luck. -So you're 100% small toe? | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
Well, I'm not 100%, but that's the answer I'm going for. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
-That's your final answer? -That's my final answer. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
-Good luck. -Oh... | 0:24:39 | 0:24:40 | |
This is going to hurt my hallux, this, isn't it? | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
-Sam... -Yeah? | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
We asked you, in the human body what is the hallux? | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
-A, big toe, B, the small toe. -Yeah. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
You went with the small toe. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:53 | |
The answer is... | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
-Oh, no. -Written down... | 0:24:55 | 0:24:56 | |
-..on this card. -My ankles have gone weak. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
-It's A, big toe! -No! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
I've think I've broke my hallux! | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
-Sam, are you all right? -I've broke my hallux! | 0:25:13 | 0:25:18 | |
-Oh... -Mark, this is to win. -Oh, come on. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
How many strings does a mandolin have? | 0:25:22 | 0:25:26 | |
A, seven, or B, eight. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
Mark, we love you, and we're sorry. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
-I think...seven. -Why? -Just on a whim. -I don't know. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:36 | |
Cos he's sat down there and doesn't really care. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
That's true. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
Due to the fact that I don't know what I'm saying... | 0:25:40 | 0:25:44 | |
let's go with seven. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
-Yes. -Seven. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:48 | |
Hold on to your hallux! | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
Oh, man. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
How many strings does a mandolin have? | 0:25:52 | 0:25:55 | |
-You said seven. -Come on. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
If it's seven, you've won the game, you get a gold star. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
Let's say Sam Nixon plays a lot of musical instruments | 0:26:04 | 0:26:07 | |
and he's pretty excited to see the outcome of this. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:09 | |
A, seven, or B, eight. You said seven. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
-The answer is... -Nice meeting you, Mark. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
It's B, eight! | 0:26:19 | 0:26:20 | |
No! | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
At the end of that round, neither survived getting binned | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
so you both get yourselves a gold star! | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
And that's just about it. Let's add up the scores. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:45 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Oooh...! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:52 | |
And the winners are... | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
Sara's team! | 0:26:56 | 0:26:57 | |
Congratulations, you lot. You are billionaires on the inside. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:06 | |
As for Mykee-D's team, not only does the dog eat your homework, | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
but you get detention with Mr Smash. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
It's time to do the walk of shame. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
-# La-la-la, la-la-la -Losers! | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
-# La-la-la, la-la-la -Losers! | 0:27:17 | 0:27:18 | |
-# La-la-la, la-la-la -Losers! | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
-# La-la-la, la-la-la -Losers! | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
-# La-la-la, la-la-la -Losers! | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
# Losers. # | 0:27:25 | 0:27:26 | |
So that's your lot. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:27 | |
As ever, we didn't learn much, but it was fun trying. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:30 | |
See you next time on... | 0:27:30 | 0:27:31 | |
The Dog Ate My Homework! | 0:27:31 | 0:27:35 | |
Sees ya! | 0:27:35 | 0:27:36 |