Episode 8 The Dog Ate My Homework
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Oh, dog! Good work, mate. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
Loving it. Loving it. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
What about you, Smashie, how are you doing? | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
Ha-ha! | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
Oh, that's not right at all, is it? | 0:00:13 | 0:00:14 | |
Aaaaarrrgh! | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
Oh, my days! Hello! | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
I'm Iain Stirling. How you doing? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Good. Glad to hear it. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
Someone in the audience actually answered. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Incredible. Welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework, | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
the show that gives funny answers to serious questions, | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
serious answers to funny questions, | 0:01:10 | 0:01:11 | |
and sometimes I seriously question what everyone's going on about. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
So let's take the register. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
On my right, a girl who tried to learn the hoola hoop, | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
but ended up going round in circles, it's Poppy! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
-Here, sir. -APPLAUSE | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
And on Poppy's team, a presenter who loves reading and says | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
there's nothing like a good book. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
Like this book, my autobiography, | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Iain Stirling: How It All Went Handsome. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
She says this is nothing like a good book. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
It's Katie Thistleton, everyone! | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
-Here, sir! -APPLAUSE | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Also on Poppy's team, a comedian who likes to use big, long words, | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
what make him look all clever and that! | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
-Hello. -It's Ivo Graham. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Here, sir. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
And on my left, | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
a boy whose teacher made him sit all his exams on a school camping trip, | 0:01:55 | 0:02:00 | |
he described it as "in-tents"... | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
GROANING AND LAUGHTER | 0:02:03 | 0:02:04 | |
"In-tents"! Come on, it's Ben! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
Here, sir! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
And, on Ben's team, a street performer turned stand-up comedian, | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
means he now craves people's attention indoors, | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
it's Stu Goldsmith. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Here, sir. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
And, finally, on Ben's team, | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
a comedian who's been described as "going places". | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
Not tonight - she's contractually required to stay here. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
-It's Suzi Ruffell. -Here, sir. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
Can you please give it up for both of our teams? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:34 | 0:02:35 | |
Here's how we roll, Iain-style! LAUGHTER | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
Our teams quiz it out... I don't regret saying that! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
Our teams quiz it out to see who scores the most | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
and who's thick as a post, | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
and what they're all playing for are these magical gold stars. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:54 | |
-ALL: -Oooooh! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
Along the way, I can also award | 0:02:57 | 0:02:58 | |
bonus stars for pretty much anything, | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
like, for example, who can say "Iain" | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
in the highest possible voice. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
-ALL HIGH-PITCHED: -Iain. -Iain. -Iain. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
-Iain. -Iain. -Iain. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Do that again, Ben? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
-SQUEAKILY: -Iain. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
It sounds like a squirrel. You've got yourself a bonus gold star, Ben. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
Well done. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
But be warned - any nonsense and I can take those stars away, get away. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
Get away. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Hey, don't moan, cos it's Iain's school, so it's... | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
-ALL: -Iain's rules! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
Yes, the team with the most gold stars at the end of the show | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
are the winners, whilst the losers face detention with a man | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
who makes more growling noises than your dad's belly - it's Mr Smash! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
HE ROARS | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
HE GRUNTS AND LAUGHS | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
BZZT! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
Argh! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
BZZT! | 0:03:54 | 0:03:55 | |
Argh! | 0:03:55 | 0:03:56 | |
WHIRRING | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:04:06 | 0:04:07 | |
Hmm... | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
BZZT! | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Aaaargh! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Er, let's get on with the show! | 0:04:20 | 0:04:21 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
Time now for Stick To The Point. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
-VOICE-OVER: -Stick To The Point. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
This is a quickfire round, and if our teams are too slow, or repeat, | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
or just talk rubbish, then I'll put them in the shush position. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
Can I see you in your shush positions, please, teams? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Very well played. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
But first, I need my stick of pointiness. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
Bringeth inneth the stick of the pointiness! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:50 | |
CEREMONIAL MUSIC | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:05:03 | 0:05:04 | |
OK. The last team speaking wins, you all know the rules. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
Your first topic is...things that are sticky. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
Things that are sticky, Stu? | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
-A stick. -Yes! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
-Katie? -Situations. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
Ooh! I find myself in a sticky situation. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:25 | |
-Ben? -Sellotape. -Yes. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:26 | |
-Poppy? -Honey. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Honey? Yes, please. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:29 | |
-Suzi? -Chewing gum. -Yes. Katie? | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
-Lip gloss. -Stu? | 0:05:32 | 0:05:33 | |
Er, octopus tentacles. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
Oh, they are very sticky. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:36 | |
-Katie? -Jam. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:37 | |
Yes. Suzi? | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
-Marmalade. -Marmalade, yes. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
-Ivo. -Bark from a tree. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
No-one saw that coming, but I had it. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
He's in the locker! Ben? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Jelly. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:48 | |
You're not sure about this at all, are you? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
-Poppy? -Flora butter from Asda. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
Can we stop naming brands?! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
More brands, please. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
Stu? | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Generic rhubarb chutney. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
Yes! Bonus gold star for non-specification. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
Aww! | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
-Katie? -I haven't named a brand the whole time, I want a star. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Well, you just got in the shush position, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
cos that's not what I asked you. Learn the rules, young lady. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
-Ivo? -I don't want any part of this any more. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
-I'm walking. -Shush position! | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
-Ben? -Slugs. -Yes. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
-Poppy? -Snails. -Yes, Ben? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
BUZZER Shush position. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
-Poppy? -Pomegranate. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
Pomegranate?! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Suzi? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
-Er... -Shush position! | 0:06:32 | 0:06:33 | |
It's Stu versus Poppy. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
They said it wasn't going to happen. It is happening, right now. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:39 | |
-Poppy? -Cereal. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
You just named the driest thing ever! | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
The cereal that's honey nut flavoured. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
Shush position, Poppy. The gold star goes to Ben's team! | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
Our next question - things that are awkwardly shaped. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
Ivo Graham? | 0:07:00 | 0:07:01 | |
-A pear. -Yes, Suzi? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
-A wedding cake. -Yes, please. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:07 | |
-Katie? -Me after the Christmas period. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
We've all been there, sister, we've all been there. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
Ben? | 0:07:14 | 0:07:15 | |
Toy cars. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
Wha... What? Do you mean if you're trying to get into one? | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
He was trying to get into a toy car back stage earlier on. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
It's too small. I'll give you that, then. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
-Ivo? -Travel plug adaptors. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
What a good answer! | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
Ben? | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
Wires? | 0:07:31 | 0:07:32 | |
I like it when you don't know an answer, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
you just say the first word that | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
comes into your head, but in a really quizzical way - "Wires?" | 0:07:36 | 0:07:40 | |
I'm going to put your in the shush position, my friend. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
-Poppy? -Christmas trees. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
Yes, please. Stu? | 0:07:44 | 0:07:45 | |
Plutonium, the atom. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
It's not an atom, is it? It's an element. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
-I'll put myself in the shush position. -Katie? | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
-Pine cones. -Yes! Suzi? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
-A crown. -A crown. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
-Ivo? -The FA Cup. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
Suzi? | 0:08:03 | 0:08:04 | |
-Your stick. -It IS quite awkwardly shaped. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
You can't really get any nose pickage. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
-Eww. -What?! I'm saying you CAN'T get any nose pickage! | 0:08:09 | 0:08:14 | |
Poppy? | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
Toothpicks. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
Hesitation. Shush position, please. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Suzi? | 0:08:20 | 0:08:21 | |
-A typewriter. -Ooh, yes. Katie? | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
Giraffe. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:24 | |
Suzi. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
-Donkey. -Ivo? | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
No. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
-Nothing. -Katie versus Suzi. Suzi? | 0:08:30 | 0:08:31 | |
-A car. -We had that. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
-No, we had a TOY car. -OK, I'll give you that. Katie? | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
Iain's hair. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:37 | |
Minus one gold star, Katie Thistleton. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
AUDIENCE MOAN Hey! It's Iain's School, so it's... | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
-ALL: -Iain's rules! | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
-Suzi? -A snail. -A snail, yes, Katie? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
BUZZER | 0:08:50 | 0:08:51 | |
The gold star goes to Ben's team, there. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
And at the end of that round, the gold star goes to... | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
Ben's team! | 0:09:01 | 0:09:02 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:04 | 0:09:05 | |
Time now for Judge A Book By Its, erm... | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
Ahh, don't tell me, don't tell me... I know this one. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
-Cover! -Yep, that's it. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
-It's time for Judge A Book. -Judge A Book. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
Judging a book by its cover is exactly the idea, | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
as our teams have to guess the title of a book | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
just by looking at it, OK? These are all... | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
School disco! | 0:09:28 | 0:09:31 | |
Go! | 0:09:31 | 0:09:32 | |
# Tell me that you need me | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
# Tell me that you want me | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
# Tell me that you need me | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
# Tell me that you want me | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
# Tell me that you need me... # | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
OK. These are all genuine books, available to buy in any shop. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
Here is your first book. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
OK. And the title is: Be blank With blank. | 0:09:55 | 0:10:00 | |
Buzz in if you think you know the answer. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
Yes, Ben's team? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:03 | |
Be Horrible With Food. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
No! It's not what we've got here. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
Poppy? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:09 | |
Be Happy With Frying Pans. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
BUZZER | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
I love the idea of being happy with a frying pan. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
-Ben. -Yes? | 0:10:17 | 0:10:18 | |
Be Inventive With Slices. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
BUZZER | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
Not miles away. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:24 | |
-Ivo? -Be Comfortable With Who You Are As A Person. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
Nothing to do with the book. Just an important... Just a good message. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
-Yes, Ben? -Be Inventive With Edible Things. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
BUZZER | 0:10:34 | 0:10:35 | |
-Nice. -Nice. It's in the right ball park. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
-Yes, Ivo? -Be Part Of The Losing Team With Ben. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
Oh, trash talking! | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
-Ben. -Be Privileged With Ivo. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Oh! | 0:10:48 | 0:10:50 | |
Poppy? | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
Be...Awesome With Vegetables. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
BUZZER | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
Right, I'm going to give you one of the words, just so you know, | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
and the final word is Bananas. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
-Ben? Yes, Stu? -Behave With Bananas. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
-Poppy? -It's good, but not what we're after. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
Be Bananas With Bananas. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:08 | |
-Oh! -Ben. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
-Yes, Suzi? -Be Creative With Bananas. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Oh! A lot of alliteratives. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
-Stu? -Be 'Nanas With Bananas. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
I'm going to give you a bonus gold star for that, Stu Goldsmith. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
-Well played. -Ben. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
-Yes? -Be Bold With Bananas? | 0:11:22 | 0:11:23 | |
Is the right answer! | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
Next, book, this is the cover. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
This is the title, it is: Blank blank. Blank blank. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
Yes, Ben? | 0:11:38 | 0:11:39 | |
Pink dolls. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:40 | |
-Poppy? -That's a cat! | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
-Yes? -Depressed Cats. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
-Depressed Cats. That is the saddest book of all time. -Ben. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:52 | |
Yes, Ben's team? | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
Fashionate Cats. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
-Sorry? -Fashionate Cats. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
"Fashionate"? He's invented the word "fashionate". | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
You've invented the word "fashionate", | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
but I'm going to give you it, Ben - it is Fashion Cats. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
-Whoa! -Well done! | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
OK. Next book. Here is the cover. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
OK. And it is Anybody Can Be blank But blank Takes Practice. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:19 | |
Poppy? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
Anybody Can Be Loving But Helping Takes Practice. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:26 | |
-Aww! -I mean, it's cute, but it's not what I've got on the card. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
Yes, anyone else? Anyone else? | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
Yes, Ben's team. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
Anyone Can Be Interesting But Jumpers Takes Practice. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
That is a strong jumper game. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Yes, anyone else? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
Yes, Poppy's team? Anybody Can Be Iain But That Hair Takes Practice. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:45 | |
-Ben. -Ben, you've got stop buzzing in! | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
Cos at the minute, everyone's answer on this team has been | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
Anyone Can Be... Ben! | 0:12:51 | 0:12:55 | |
-Poppy. -Poppy. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
Anybody Can Be Good But It Takes Awesome Prac... | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
Ben. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Unbelievably, Poppy's throwing-stuff-against-the-wall technique | 0:13:04 | 0:13:08 | |
has got her "Awesome". | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
-"Awesome" is in there! -What...? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
-Suzi? -Anyone Can Be Cool But Awesome Takes Practice. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
Suzi Ruffell's got it right! | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
And, for winning that round, the gold star goes to Ben's team! | 0:13:24 | 0:13:30 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
It is now time for Pie The Supply. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Pie The Supply. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Yes, we have once again persuaded four more people to come into the | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
studio and play our favourite round. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
Also they wanted to meet me, and I get that! | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
Hi, guys. Lovely to meet you all. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
They really are excited about it, however, | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
only one of them is a real English teacher. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
All our teams have to do is to identify and then pie the supply. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:02 | |
OK. Here are our teachers. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:03 | |
They are, number one, Mr Main, | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
number two, Mrs McMenemy, | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
number three, Mr Oazie, | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
or number four, Ms Di Mambro. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
OK. Those are your teachers. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
Poppy's team, I just want first impressions. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
I think number two seems too sweet to be a teacher. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
I already think she's too nice | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
to put up with secondary-school students. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
Not like the rest of them, who are all horrible! | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
If you walked into your classroom, which one of those would you be... | 0:14:33 | 0:14:38 | |
Would you think was a teacher? | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
Number three, because he has a blazer on. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
Oh, the old blazer routine! | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
Number three's going, "I know I shouldn't have worn that blazer." | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
OK, Ben's team, one, two, three or four? | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
It can't really be number three, because he's got too cool hair! | 0:14:48 | 0:14:52 | |
-Look! -Ah! -Look, number three is like, "Goodnight. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
"See yous later!" | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
Let's delve deeper. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
Poppy's team, you're first up. You can ask questions. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
Number three, I want to hear about your elbows. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Are there any patches on those blazer elbows? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
Let's see the elbows. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
-Actually, they're real. -It's a patch-free zone. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
Oh, no patches. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
Number one, tell me exactly why you put a tie on today? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:18 | |
Why the tie? | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
Because it looks smart. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
There you go, it looks smart. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:25 | |
-OK, Ben's team. -What's a pronoun? | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
-What is a pronoun? -Wow! -Ohh! | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
-What did he say? -"What's a pronoun?" | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
We'll start with number three, what is a pronoun? | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
-A pronoun. -LAUGHTER | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
I don't like my pupils making noise in class when I'm talking. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:45 | |
OK. Number two, what is a pronoun? | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
Well, I know, but do you know, Ben? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
-Ohh! -That's a good teacher answer! | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Number four, what is a pronoun? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
-It is a noun that is very positive. -Yeah. | 0:15:56 | 0:16:00 | |
She's faking! She's faking! | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
She would know that if she was a teacher, and if she gets it right, | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
we'll know she's a teacher, she'll get a pie in the face. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
She's pretending not to know what a pronoun is! | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
And, finally, number one, what is a pronoun? | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
He might as well have gone, "What am I, a teacher?" | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
Right, listen, let's see what our audience think. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
One, two, three, or four, please vote now! | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
AUDIENCE SHOUT ANSWERS | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
I think the audience might think it's number four. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
Poppy, it's time to Pie The Supply. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
Pie The Supply. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
Go, go, go, Pops. OK, Poppy. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
Oh, that's a big, old pie! | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
-Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! -Ooh, who's getting pied? | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
Get off him! | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:03 | 0:17:04 | |
Yes, Pops! | 0:17:04 | 0:17:05 | |
-Wow. -Number three tried to duck! | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
Poppy still got him! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
Ben, we're not leaving you out, mate. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
-Off you go, Pie The Supply. -Pie The Supply. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
Gently, gently, Ben, catchee, catchee monkey. OK. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:31 | |
-ALL: -Ooooooh... | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
Ben, too nice to pie! | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
Ben! Ben! Come back over. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
Stop admiring your work! | 0:17:52 | 0:17:53 | |
Ben was just sitting there going, | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
"Yeah, I really pied her in the face!" | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
OK. Was it two or three? | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Let's find out. Would the real English teacher | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
please step forward? | 0:18:07 | 0:18:08 | |
No! We missed again! | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
-We missed again! -We knew! | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
We just wanted to pie number three. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Wait, you deliberately pied number three? | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
Yes, we thought it would look funny in the hair and it does! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
OK. At the end of that round, | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
no-one got any gold stars, but we pied two people in the face! | 0:18:31 | 0:18:36 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:18:36 | 0:18:37 | |
Time now for High School Dropout. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
High School Dropout. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
In this round, two of our adult guests | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
will go head-to-head on this - | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
The Dog Ate My Homework Drop Zone! | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
DUN-DUN-DUUUNN! | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
-ALL: -Ooooh! | 0:18:55 | 0:18:56 | |
Yes, the chosen guest each stand on the drop zone | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
and then have to answer general knowledge questions. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
The first to get three wrong is then dropped | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
into a pit of Iain Stirling lookalikes. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
Yes, it's death... | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
by handsome! | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
DING! | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
So, who are you choosing to face this well-chiselled fate? | 0:19:18 | 0:19:23 | |
Poppy, out your team, you have Ivo, you have Katie, | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
who do you want to see get binned? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
I'm going to go with Katie. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
OK, Katie. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:32 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
And Ben? Stu. Suzi. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
Suzi. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
OK, Suzi. In that case, Katie and Suzi, | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
take your positions on the drop zone! | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
OK. Guys, you can confer with your team-mates, | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
but get three questions wrong and you're binned. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
All right? Cool. So, first question is for Katie. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
Don't forget, you can confer. Here we go. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
As of the end of 2015, which reality show had the most series on UK TV, | 0:20:03 | 0:20:10 | |
not including celebrity specials - | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
Strictly Come Dancing or The X Factor? | 0:20:13 | 0:20:17 | |
Ivo, Poppy, Katie, what are you thinking? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
I'm thinking X Factor. What do you guys think? | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
I think it's Strictly. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:23 | |
Oh, because we're not counting Pop Idol, and there was the whole... | 0:20:23 | 0:20:27 | |
Well, we're not counting Pop Idol, because that's a different show... | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
and the general rule is, if it's a different word, different thing. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
-Are we counting The Apprentice? -No! | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
Sadly, The Adventures Of Scooby-Doo do not contribute. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
-No. -Poppy, what do you think? -X Factor. -I think it is Strictly. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
You think X Factor? I think Poppy's on my side more than you are, Ivo. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
OK, so the girls think X Factor. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
I'm going to go X Factor. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:51 | |
Big, silly boy Ivo thinks Strictly Come Dancing? | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
-You daftie. -I've seen 'em all. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
Girls, you'll be glad to know, the answer is... | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
-Strictly Come Dancing! -Yes! | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
That's the wrong answer, you go to amber, Katie on your first question. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
Two more and you're getting binned! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
OK, Suzi. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:12 | |
In the Harry Potter series of novels, who is older? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:17 | |
A, Harry Potter or B, Ron Weasley? | 0:21:17 | 0:21:21 | |
Who is older? | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
-Ben, are you a Harry Potter fan? -No, not at all. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
It's a shame, cos we could have drawn a scar on your head. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
-I am, but... -Yeah, I am as well, but I don't know. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
-I've no idea. -I wonder if anyone in the audience... | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
-No, don't help them out! Don't you dare help her out! -Do! Do! | 0:21:34 | 0:21:39 | |
-I want to see her get binned! -Harry or Ron? | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
AUDIENCE SHOUT ANSWERS No! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Is it Ron? | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
SHOUTING | 0:21:45 | 0:21:46 | |
They're my friends! I've got one big team! | 0:21:48 | 0:21:49 | |
We are suddenly very confident that it's Ron. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
OK, Ron. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
I can tell you that Ron Weasley... | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
is the correct answer! | 0:21:56 | 0:21:57 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
Thank you, Ben. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:01 | |
-Thanks, Ben. -Ron was born on the 1st of March, 1980, | 0:22:01 | 0:22:05 | |
whereas Harry was born on the 31st of July, 1980. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:09 | |
OK, Katie Thistleton. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:10 | |
-OK. -What is the minimum number of strokes | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
with which a tennis player can win a set? | 0:22:13 | 0:22:17 | |
A, 24 or B, 12? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
-Do you know, Katie? -I haven't got a clue. I went to Wimbledon this year | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
and I feel like I should have paid more attention now. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
All right, name-drop. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:26 | |
-It's 24. -Do you know what, Ivo? You got it right last time, | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
so I'm going to go with your answer. Do you think 24? | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
-I think 24. -24? -24 it is. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:37 | |
OK. You said 24. You ignored Ivo last time. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
-Yes. -It bit you on the bottom. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
This time, you've listened to Ivo. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
It's bit you on the bottom again - the answer is 12. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
-Four aces on each of their serves for three games... -Yeah. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
..and their opponent double-faulting all three of their games. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:57 | |
No! | 0:22:57 | 0:22:58 | |
Oh, just throw me in the bin and get it over with. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
I didn't think about double faults! | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Ivo, you overlooked the double faults. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:06 | |
OK, Suzi, you're up next. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
You're looking good thus far. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Which planet is larger by mass? | 0:23:10 | 0:23:14 | |
A, Neptune or B, Uranus? | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:17 | 0:23:19 | |
Which planet is larger by mass? | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
A, Neptune or B, Uranus? | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
-Stu, I've got no idea. -Erm, I... | 0:23:23 | 0:23:27 | |
From what I remember in science classes, they're quite similar. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
Thanks for that, that really helps(!) | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
That's really narrowed it down for me(!) | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
-I think... I feel like Neptune is a giant. -Yeah, Neptune. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Neptune was one of the gods. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
-I think it's Neptune. -Yep. -What do you think? | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
-We think it's Neptune. -Cos Uranus isn't that big. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
Cos Uranus isn't that big, says Ben, with a cheeky smile! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:51 | |
-OK, OK. -I trust my team. I'm going with Neptune. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
-Neptune. -Neptune. OK, you said Neptune, or very similar. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:58 | |
But the larger one by mass... | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
is Neptune! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:04 | |
Suzi's going nowhere! | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
Come on, guys. We are rubbish! | 0:24:07 | 0:24:10 | |
-Katie Thistleton. -Yes? | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
You are one wrong answer away | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
from getting binned in the quickest possible time. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:20 | |
-I can see that. -Which artist was born first? | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
-Ugh! -Van Gogh or Claude Monet? | 0:24:23 | 0:24:27 | |
-Oh! -Any thoughts, Katie Thistleton? | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
-I notice the audience aren't chipping in on this one. -Yeah! | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
"We've all read Harry Potter, but we haven't studied any Monet plays!" | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
-No-one's got a clue. Van Gogh, you're thinking? -I think it's Monet. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
-Van Gogh! Van Gogh! Van Gogh! -Ivo thinks Monet, Poppy thinks Van Gogh! | 0:24:38 | 0:24:43 | |
Let's just go for it. Let's get this over with. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:44 | |
-Put me out of my misery. -You need to give me an answer first! | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
You don't even know how to play the game! | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
-It's a double default! -Van Gogh or Monet? | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
-I think it's Monet. I think it's Monet. -Van Gogh! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
-He got it wrong last time! -I'm going Van Gogh. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
-So you're going to ignore Ivo...? -And listen to me! | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
Does that feel like a good idea? | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
It's got me far in life so far. I'm going to continue with that. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
So, originally, you ignored Ivo. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:06 | |
-Yes. -You got the answer wrong. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
-Yes. -You then listened to Ivo. You got the answer wrong. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
-Yes. -You then ignored Ivo again. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
-Yes. -And I can tell you that the answer is... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:21 | |
..on this card here... | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
..the artist that was born first was... | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
..B, Claude Monet! | 0:25:30 | 0:25:31 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
Which means Suzi wins and Ben's team get a gold star! | 0:25:40 | 0:25:43 | |
Audience, do we let Suzi come down on the ladder or do we get her...? | 0:25:47 | 0:25:51 | |
-AUDIENCE: -No! | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
-CHANTING: -Drop her! Drop her! Drop her! | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:26:03 | 0:26:04 | |
Guys...that's just about it. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
SAD VIOLIN MUSIC | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
TEARFUL: Guys... But don't cry... | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
Don't be sad, and... | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
Could you not do that?! | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
You're making me really upset. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
HE GRUMBLES | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
OK, guys, it's time now to add up the scores! | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
-ALL: -Ooooh! | 0:26:32 | 0:26:36 | |
And the winners are... | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
Ben's team! | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
Congratulations, you lot. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:50 | |
As for Poppy's team, | 0:26:50 | 0:26:52 | |
not only does the dog eat your home work, | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
but you have detention with Mr Smash. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:56 | |
It's time to do the walk of shame. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
This way, guys. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:01 | |
# Losers! # | 0:27:01 | 0:27:02 | |
-Come on. -# Losers! # | 0:27:02 | 0:27:04 | |
-Get going! -# Losers! # | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
-Get going! -# Losers! | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
# Losers! | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
# Losers! # | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
So, that's your lot. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:13 | |
As ever, we didn't learn much, but it was fun trying. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:16 | |
See you all next time on... | 0:27:16 | 0:27:19 | |
-ALL: -The Dog Ate My Homework! | 0:27:19 | 0:27:22 | |
See ya! | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 |