Episode 9 The Dog Ate My Homework


Episode 9

Iain Stirling hosts the school-based comedy panel show. He is joined by special guests Hacker T Dog, Ellie Taylor, Ricky Martin and Radzi Chinyanganya.


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Transcript


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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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DOG PANTS

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BELL RINGS

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GARBLED SPEECH

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PTERODACTYL SCREECHES

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SHARK CRUNCHES

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WHISTLING

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DRAGON ROARS

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BEEPING

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ROARING

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DOG MUNCHES

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, I'm Iain Stirling,

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and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework -

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the show that treats your brain like a sponge.

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We either soak it full of fun facts or wring it out and leave it to dry.

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It's really up to you.

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So, let's take the register.

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On my right, a girl who once sat in the sun all day

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with a pile of books.

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By the end, she was well-READ.

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It's Lian, everyone.

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-Here, sir.

-APPLAUSE

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And on Lian's team,

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normally it takes years to make a good Blue Peter presenter,

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but, luckily, here's one I made earlier.

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-It's Radzi.

-Here, sir.

-APPLAUSE

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And also on Lian's team, a dog who reckons the secret to success

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is a good handshake and the secret to a good lav-lav

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is a good legshake.

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It's Hacker T Dog.

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-Yes, Miss.

-Do the... Do the leg. APPLAUSE

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Do the leg.

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HACKER STRAINS

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-Oh, Iain!

-LAUGHTER

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Lian's team, everybody.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And on my left, a boy who's doing a science project on black holes.

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A bit dull at first, but you soon get sucked into it.

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-It's Cody.

-Here, sir!

-APPLAUSE

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And on Cody's team, a woman who says she can't put a price on comedy,

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which is weird cos tickets to her show cost exactly £12.

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-It's Ellie Taylor.

-Here, sir.

-APPLAUSE

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And finally on Cody's team,

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an artist who when he left school didn't go into higher education,

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he went to hi-ya...education.

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It's the Art Ninja, Ricky Martin.

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-Here, sir.

-APPLAUSE

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Give it up for Cody's team, everybody.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So, here's how the game works.

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Questions are going to go flying out of this beautiful face

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at quite an alarming rate.

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All the teams have to do is answer. Answer like the wind.

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FARTING, BURPING

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And, as ever, they'll be competing for these beautiful gold stars.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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I'll award bonus stars for extra wittiness but be warned -

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if I catch you secretly texting...

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PHONE VIBRATES Sorry.

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"Yeah, you're right, Gran. My hair does look beautiful today."

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..I can take those gold stars straight away.

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-Get away. AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

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Hey, deal with it, cos you know what? It's Iain's school, so it's...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Iain's rules!

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I've got a catchphrase.

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The team with the most stars at the end of the show

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are the winners while the losers face detention

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with a man so scary rumour has it he smiled at Zayn Malik once

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and that's the reason he left One Direction.

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It's Mr Smash!

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-HE SHOUTS ANGRILY AUDIENCE:

-Boo!

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Big news, folks. Look at this.

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Today, Mr Smash released his autobiography.

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-HE CHUCKLES AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Yeah.

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Look, it says, "Mr Smash - I Love PE."

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HE CHUCKLES Oh, no. Hang on, mate.

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There's been a spelling mistake here.

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-MR SMASH:

-Huh?

-It doesn't say PE.

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It says, "Mr Smash - I Love Pee." LAUGHTER

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-You love urine, mate.

-What?!

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HE SHOUTS ANGRILY

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LAUGHTER

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I don't think he likes pee that much, actually.

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Let's get on with the show!

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APPLAUSE

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This round is Stick To The Point.

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'Stick To The Point.'

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I'll ask questions and if our teams are too slow,

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repeat an answer or just sit there looking stupid,

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then I'll put them in the shush position.

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Can I see your shush positions, please?

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Shh!

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OK, but first I need my magic stick of pointiness.

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-Wah-ya!

-Oh, it's there.

-It's so pointy.

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It's so sticky and so pointy.

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The last team speaking wins

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and our first topic is items you would take

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to the North Pole.

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-Radzi.

-A compass.

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-Yes. Cody.

-Coat.

-Yes.

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-Hacker.

-My legs.

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LAUGHTER

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-How many?

-Four.

-Four, good.

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-Ellie.

-A present for Santa.

-Ooh, lovely.

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-Lian.

-Some carrots for his reindeer.

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-Oh, it's a...

-Yes.

-..theme.

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-Ricky.

-A sleigh.

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-A sleigh?

-Yeah.

-OK.

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-Radzi.

-Bear Grylls.

-Bear Grylls.

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What, and just get him to do it all for you?

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Yep. I'm going to have a good time there.

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He would eat the reindeer.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

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Bit dark, you're right.

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-OK, Ellie.

-Thermal underpants.

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-Lian.

-Snow boots.

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S'no boots? You'd need some boots.

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Come on!

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Oh, up your game.

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No boots.

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Oh, if he'd said it, you'd have laughed.

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Watch, I'll show you. You need to take some boots.

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LAUGHTER No. No.

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No! No! No! LAUGHTER CONTINUES

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I'm not having it. I'm not having it.

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I am not having it.

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-OK. Hacker.

-What?

-BUZZER

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Shush position. Don't mess with me.

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-I'm sorry for messing.

-LAUGHTER

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-Ellie.

-Gloves.

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-Radzi.

-A...

-BUZZER

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Shush position. Ricky.

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-Husky.

-Yes. Lian.

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-Some cookies.

-For what?

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-For Santa.

-You're obsessed with him.

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-Ellie.

-Scarf.

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-Yes. Lian.

-Milk.

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-Oh! Cody.

-Warm milk.

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LAUGHTER

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How are you warming that milk?

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A hot water bottle.

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That's two in one he just gave you.

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How are you warming the hot water bottle?

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-With a microwave.

-LAUGHTER

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-Three things!

-Lian.

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-A snow pole.

-BUZZER

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I'm putting you in the shush position.

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I'm giving the point to Cody's team there.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Next it's things that come with warning labels.

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Things that come with warning labels.

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-Radzi.

-Apple pies.

-Yes, they get very hot.

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-Cody.

-Bleach.

-Bleach, yes.

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-Hacker.

-Sue Barker.

-LAUGHTER

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What does the warning label say?

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"Don't lick my leg."

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Hacker learned that the hard way.

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-Ellie.

-Big machinery.

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-Yes, please. Lian.

-Fire extinguisher.

-Oh, yes.

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-Ricky.

-Hacker.

-Yeah.

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-"Don't leave near Sue Barker." Hacker.

-What?

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-BUZZER

-No!

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Oh, mate!

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-Ellie.

-Iain's haircut.

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-OTHERS:

-Ooh!

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I think it's fabulous.

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-Bonus gold star for Lian. AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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And shush position for Ellie. BUZZER

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-Radzi.

-Electronic power tools.

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Yes, please. Ricky.

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Volcanoes.

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Radzi.

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BUZZER Shush position!

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Lian is carrying your team.

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-Ricky.

-The ocean.

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What? The ocean has loads of warning signs.

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Elaborate or get in the shush position.

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There's loads of warning signs on the beach -

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where to swim, not to swim, don't swim.

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There's loads of warning signs for the ocean.

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I'll give you that. Lian.

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That sign, you know, outside the teacher's office.

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-What?

-You know, "Do this so you don't get detention.

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"If you do, you'll be in detention."

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-It's a big sign, isn't it?

-Yeah.

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LAUGHTER

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Ricky's hat should come with a warning.

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-Oi, shush position, Hacker.

-I know.

-BUZZER

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I'm putting Lian in the shush position.

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Points go again to Cody's team there.

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OK, one more. Here we go.

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Things that are usually wet.

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-Cody.

-Ice cubes.

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Yes. Hacker.

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-What?

-BUZZER

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No. Oh, stupid animal!

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-What?

-Nothing.

-I'll give you another go.

-Will you?

-Hacker.

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-What?

-BUZZER

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Shush position.

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-Cody.

-Frogs.

-Yes. Lian.

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-A fishbowl.

-Yes.

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-Ellie.

-Lemonade.

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Yes. Radzi.

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-A wet suit.

-Oh, very nice. Ricky.

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-Ducks.

-Radzi. BUZZER

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Shush position.

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Lian again. Get them told.

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-Ellie.

-Tom Daley.

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Yes!

0:09:090:09:11

He's dry for about a second and then, oh, he's wet.

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-Lian.

-Swimming trunks.

-Yes. Cody.

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-Towels.

-Yes. Lian.

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BUZZER Oh! points go to Cody's team again.

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BELL RINGS Oh, that is the bell,

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which means the end of that round.

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The gold star goes to...Cody's team!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Flans at the ready, it's time for Pie The Supply.

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'Pie The Supply.'

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In a jiffy, we'll meet four people

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all claiming to be real-life modern language teachers,

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but only one is telling the truth.

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All our teams have to do is decide which one

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and then flan them right in the face.

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So, here are our teachers.

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Number one, Mr Brooks.

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Number two, Mr Wilkie.

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Number three, Mrs McLaren.

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And number four, Ms Watson.

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One of these is a teacher, but which one?

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Lian's team, first impressions. Have a look at them.

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One of them is a teacher, but which one?

0:10:200:10:23

What do you think? Hacker, what are you thinking?

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I think number one's got a teacher's jumper on.

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He's got a teacher's jumper on.

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It's the jumper of a teacher, that.

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Let's see. Can I see the elbows? Can I see the elbows of your jumper?

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-There is no patch.

-Oh, I was wrong.

-There's no patch.

-I was wrong.

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It's the jumper of just a gardener.

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First impressions, you're thinking, number one?

0:10:410:10:44

-I think number one.

-I think number three, by the way.

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I think three or two.

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-Number three's got that vibe of authority.

-So, at the minute,

0:10:480:10:50

your first impression is it could be any of them.

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-Yeah.

-Any of them, yeah.

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I'm glad I got involved in that bit of banter.

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Cody's team, what do you think?

0:10:570:10:59

I think number two looks very legit.

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Legit! LAUGHTER

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I don't think it is number one

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cos I think number one looks like he's kind of a cool dude, like,

0:11:080:11:11

"Hey, kids, sit down when I tell you about how I used to surf."

0:11:110:11:14

-"Don't use a seat, man, just sit on the floor."

-Yeah.

0:11:140:11:18

And I don't think it's number two, cos...

0:11:180:11:20

-I think it is number two.

-I don't.

0:11:200:11:23

I think number two has come... He's dressed like a teacher.

0:11:230:11:26

It's like, fancy dress, "I'm dressing like a teacher."

0:11:260:11:28

I would hate it if number two's just come from a night out.

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LAUGHTER

0:11:300:11:33

-I think I'm going for number four.

-I think four, too.

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Right, OK. So, you're thinking four.

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You lot haven't got a clue.

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We think it's definitely one of them!

0:11:410:11:43

-It's one of those people.

-It could be...

0:11:430:11:45

'School disco!'

0:11:450:11:47

School disco!

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# Everything is changing and I've been here for too long

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# Going through the same things I've been hurting so long

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# Got to move on

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# Say I-I-I-I

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# I can't do this any more... #

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RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS

0:12:050:12:07

Ellie. Questions.

0:12:070:12:09

You can ask them all questions, you can ask an individual question,

0:12:090:12:11

you can do what you want.

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OK. Can they each tell us what language they teach,

0:12:120:12:15

-starting with...?

-Wait, in the language.

0:12:150:12:18

Oh, my days.

0:12:180:12:19

Oui, oui, ja, ja, si.

0:12:190:12:22

Ellie, I'll let you pick the numbers.

0:12:220:12:24

OK, two.

0:12:240:12:27

Deutsch.

0:12:270:12:29

LAUGHTER

0:12:290:12:32

-He's so cool he could pull that back.

-Can I just say one thing?

0:12:320:12:34

Any modern language in a Glaswegian accent is the best thing.

0:12:340:12:40

GLASWEGIAN ACCENT: "Je voudrais une baguette."

0:12:400:12:43

"Just take the money!"

0:12:430:12:44

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

0:12:440:12:46

-Right.

-Number one.

0:12:460:12:47

-Dansk.

-Dansk.

0:12:470:12:50

-Dansk. What's that?

-What's that?

-No-one knows.

-That's Danish.

0:12:500:12:53

No-one teaches Danish!

0:12:530:12:55

-Yes, yes.

-What?!

0:12:550:12:57

Right. Carry on, Ellie. OK, number three.

0:12:570:13:00

-Italiano.

-Oh!

0:13:000:13:02

-Very enthusiastic.

-Is that Spanish?

-No, Italian.

0:13:020:13:05

Number four.

0:13:050:13:07

-Espana.

-Espana.

0:13:070:13:09

-Have you got any questions?

-I've got a question, yeah.

0:13:110:13:13

-This is to number one.

-OK.

0:13:130:13:15

Are you the supply teacher?

0:13:150:13:17

Maybe.

0:13:180:13:20

-Oh, he's good.

-Useless. Useless.

-What a waste of a question.

0:13:200:13:23

This is for three and four.

0:13:230:13:26

Imagine a ten-year-old Radzi is talking too much

0:13:260:13:29

at the back of the class.

0:13:290:13:30

What do you do?

0:13:300:13:32

-Radzi, stand at the front so they can aim it at you.

-OK.

0:13:320:13:35

-Radzi's chatting away.

-Radzi, get on your knees!

0:13:350:13:38

Sit down like you're a naughty school kid.

0:13:380:13:40

Oh, I don't care about this lesson, this lesson's rubbish.

0:13:400:13:44

Number three.

0:13:440:13:45

SHE TUTS

0:13:450:13:47

Did it...? What? You just did a dance move!

0:13:470:13:50

LAUGHTER

0:13:500:13:52

Hey. Hey, Radzi. Hey, Radzi, don't be naughty.

0:13:520:13:57

Let's just all boogie! Come on.

0:13:570:13:58

LAUGHTER

0:13:580:14:01

Number four, you can either tell him off or breakdown,

0:14:010:14:04

it's your choice.

0:14:040:14:06

OK, any more of that, Radzi,

0:14:060:14:07

-you'll be staying back on your break.

-Ooh.

-Oh!

0:14:070:14:10

-We've found our winner.

-Do you want to do one and two while you're here?

0:14:100:14:13

-Number two.

-Radzi, come on. Sit in your seat.

0:14:130:14:16

Oh, he's very reasonable.

0:14:160:14:18

Number one.

0:14:180:14:20

-Cool it or you'll get detention.

-Oh.

0:14:200:14:23

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-I've...

-HE LAUGHS

0:14:230:14:26

-I'm going to do what you say, number one.

-So you should.

0:14:260:14:29

OK. Cody's team, any quick last questions?

0:14:290:14:31

Cody, you've got a question.

0:14:310:14:33

-Yeah.

-Well, yeah, I'd like a sentence...

0:14:330:14:35

Can you say "hello" to me in what language you speak?

0:14:350:14:37

-"Hello", and "How are you?"

-"How are you?" in your language of choice.

0:14:370:14:40

OK, here we go.

0:14:400:14:42

Number two.

0:14:420:14:44

-Wie gehts?

-Oh, yeah.

0:14:440:14:46

-Number one?

-I'm retired.

0:14:460:14:49

LAUGHTER

0:14:490:14:51

Yes! Yes!

0:14:510:14:55

Yes!

0:14:550:14:56

-Number four?

-Hola.

-LAUGHTER

0:14:560:15:00

They're very brief in Spain.

0:15:000:15:02

They just say hi and you know what it means.

0:15:020:15:04

Number four, could you say

0:15:040:15:06

"What time it is?" in the language of your choice?

0:15:060:15:09

-Hola?

-I'm going to say no, you can't.

0:15:090:15:12

And number three, "How are you?" in the language of your choice.

0:15:130:15:16

-Come va?

-Come va.

0:15:160:15:18

Right, OK. We need to find out what our audience think.

0:15:180:15:21

Audience, one, two, three or four?

0:15:210:15:23

Who do you think is a real teacher? Tell us now!

0:15:230:15:26

AUDIENCE SHOUTS DIFFERENT NUMBERS

0:15:260:15:29

OK. OK. OK.

0:15:330:15:36

OK, it looks like our audience think it might be number three,

0:15:360:15:40

but what do our panel think?

0:15:400:15:42

Lian, it is time for you now to pie the supply!

0:15:420:15:46

'Pie the supply!'

0:15:470:15:50

OK, Lian. Gentle, gentle.

0:15:500:15:52

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

0:15:520:15:54

Oh, my days.

0:15:560:15:58

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:15:580:16:01

Cody, very quickly, time for you to pie the supply!

0:16:060:16:10

'Pie the supply!'

0:16:100:16:13

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

0:16:130:16:16

Go on, Cody. Let it drip, let it drip!

0:16:170:16:19

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:16:190:16:22

Right, could the real supply teacher please step forward now?

0:16:270:16:31

Yes! APPLAUSE

0:16:310:16:34

In that case, at the end of that round,

0:16:370:16:39

the gold star goes to Cody's team.

0:16:390:16:42

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:16:420:16:44

Yes, make some noise.

0:16:470:16:48

Actually don't, stop.

0:16:480:16:50

Don't make any noise, because it's time for Mime Craft.

0:16:500:16:53

'Mime Craft.'

0:16:530:16:55

And today's subject is PE.

0:16:550:16:57

One member of each team

0:16:570:16:58

has to act out an activity for the others to guess -

0:16:580:17:01

activities which will appear on the flippy things.

0:17:010:17:05

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:17:050:17:07

Yes, no expense spent.

0:17:070:17:10

OK, today all the activities are sport-related, so, Lian...

0:17:100:17:14

who out of your team do you want to step forward and do some miming?

0:17:140:17:19

-I want to do it.

-You want to do it?

-I don't want to tire you out.

0:17:190:17:22

-Oh, thanks, Lian.

-So, Radzi.

-I'm up for it!

0:17:220:17:25

OK, Radzi, please make your way into the Mime Spot.

0:17:250:17:28

'The Mime Spot.'

0:17:280:17:29

OK, Radzi. Your sporting subjects start when Lian flips over

0:17:300:17:35

her first flippy thing flipper.

0:17:350:17:37

Lian, off you go.

0:17:370:17:38

-Football.

-Yes. Correct! Quick, quick, quick!

0:17:400:17:42

-Basketball.

-Yes!

-Yeah!

0:17:430:17:45

Oh, no. Um...

0:17:450:17:47

Volleyball?

0:17:470:17:49

-Oh, handball?

-Oh, um...

0:17:490:17:50

-Pass.

-Hacker?

-What?

0:17:520:17:54

-Any thoughts?

-Do you have any idea?

-Netball.

0:17:540:17:56

-Yes!

-Yes!

-Oh!

0:17:560:17:58

-Oh. Wait, wait, wait!

-Is this like...? Is this like...?

0:17:590:18:02

-Riverdance! Riverdance! Riverdance!

-Is this like...?

0:18:020:18:06

-Yoga? Is that Zumba.

-No!

0:18:060:18:08

-Athletic...

-What have we got? What have we got? What have we got?

0:18:080:18:11

-Pilates.

-No!

-Pilates.

0:18:110:18:14

-Ah, la-la!

-Cheerleading.

-Yes!

-Yay!

0:18:140:18:18

-Bowling.

-Oh, um...

-Golfing.

0:18:180:18:21

-Golfing?

-Rah!

0:18:210:18:23

-Are you, like, boxing?

-Rah!

-Rugby.

-Are you, like, diving?

-Rugby.

0:18:240:18:27

-Rugby, yes! Rugby.

-Yeah.

0:18:270:18:29

-Hah!

-Golf.

-Wah! Wah!

0:18:300:18:33

-What the heck? Are you swimming?

-Lunging!

-Rah!

-Lunging.

0:18:330:18:36

-Oh, is it that...

-Yeah.

-..thing on the horse?

-No!

-No!

0:18:360:18:39

-LAUGHTER

-Polo. Polo. Polo.

0:18:390:18:43

-I've no clue what you're doing.

-Pass, pass, pass!

0:18:430:18:46

-Oh, no!

-Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait!

0:18:460:18:48

-Wait, wait, wait!

-Swimming.

-Wait, wait.

0:18:480:18:50

Swimming. It's that swimming thing where you do...

0:18:550:18:58

Yes! Yeah, at the same time.

0:18:580:18:59

-Synchronised swimming.

-Yes!

0:18:590:19:01

-Next one!

-Speed driving.

0:19:010:19:03

-Driving at speed...

-Speed driving?

0:19:030:19:05

-BELL RINGS

-Speed driving.

-Radzi, everyone.

0:19:050:19:08

APPLAUSE

0:19:080:19:11

Lian's invented a new term for Formula 1.

0:19:110:19:14

It's called "speed driving."

0:19:140:19:16

That was speed driving. I saw it, speed driving.

0:19:160:19:19

It's Formula 1. OK. I am very unfit.

0:19:190:19:22

-I am tired. Cody!

-Yes?

0:19:220:19:24

Who from your team would you like to take a little bit of a mime?

0:19:240:19:28

-Ellie.

-Ellie?

0:19:280:19:30

-Ellie, please make your way to the Mime Spot.

-Yes!

0:19:300:19:33

'The Mime Spot.'

0:19:330:19:35

Ellie, I believe in you.

0:19:350:19:38

-I believe in you guys.

-OK, guys.

-That's why we're a team.

0:19:380:19:40

This is so romantic.

0:19:400:19:41

Your time starts when Cody flips over his first flip.

0:19:410:19:44

-I can't get hold of it.

-Cody, take it away.

-OK, wait.

-Go.

0:19:440:19:47

-Er...

-Volleyball.

-Yes!

0:19:490:19:52

-Er...

-Hurry up! Hurry up!

-Get ready.

0:19:520:19:55

Go, go!

0:19:550:19:57

-Gymnastics.

-Yes!

0:19:570:19:58

-Horse riding.

-Yes!

-Yes.

-Horse racing.

-Yes!

0:20:000:20:04

Oh, racing.

0:20:040:20:05

-Swimming.

-Swimming.

-Yes!

0:20:050:20:07

-Good mum swimming there, as well, Ellie.

-Thank you.

0:20:070:20:09

Didn't get my hair wet.

0:20:090:20:11

-Tennis.

-Yes!

0:20:120:20:13

-Oh.

-Give me the flip.

0:20:160:20:17

Huh! Huh!

0:20:170:20:19

-Triple jump.

-Yes!

0:20:190:20:20

Triple jump, yes.

0:20:200:20:22

-Rock climbing.

-Yes!

-Oh, blimey!

0:20:230:20:26

-Psshhh!

-Diving.

0:20:270:20:29

Oh, it's a big jump on a ski jump, isn't it?

0:20:290:20:31

No!

0:20:310:20:32

Skydiving.

0:20:320:20:33

-Yes!

-Is that a sport?

-Yeah.

-It is now!

-Jumping out of a plane!

0:20:330:20:38

Rowing. Not rowing. Erm...

0:20:380:20:40

-Skiing.

-Canoeing?

-Mountain skiing.

-Turny, turny.

-Yes.

0:20:400:20:44

Oh, wait. Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down.

0:20:440:20:47

-Bobsleigh.

-Bobsleigh.

0:20:470:20:49

-Oh, it's rowing.

-Yes!

0:20:490:20:51

Good.

0:20:510:20:53

What?!

0:20:530:20:54

-It's...frisbee!

-Ah!

0:20:550:20:57

-Oh, boomerang.

-Yes!

-Yes!

-Boomerang!

0:20:570:21:00

-Golf.

-Hockey.

-Yes! Hockey!

0:21:010:21:04

BELL RINGS Oh, time's up.

0:21:040:21:06

APPLAUSE Ellie smashed it!

0:21:060:21:08

Woo!

0:21:100:21:11

Well, Ellie, you have got a real natural talent.

0:21:130:21:15

-We only had three left.

-Thank you so much.

0:21:150:21:18

My favourite was the skydiving.

0:21:180:21:20

-It was so nice.

-Ellie, you really...

0:21:200:21:23

-..that.

-Knocked it out of the park?

-Yeah!

0:21:230:21:25

You guys are so cute.

0:21:250:21:27

OK, I can tell you at the end of that round,

0:21:270:21:30

the team with the most right answers that get themselves

0:21:300:21:32

a gold star is...

0:21:320:21:34

..Cody's team.

0:21:340:21:36

-Yes!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:360:21:38

Geography now, with Globe Hoppers.

0:21:430:21:45

-'Globe Hoppers!'

-Yes.

0:21:450:21:47

It's space hopper time. Welcome to the '70s.

0:21:470:21:51

When I say "space hopper,"

0:21:510:21:52

if you're trying to travel to actual space on this thing,

0:21:520:21:55

you might want to, like, paint it silver first, or something.

0:21:550:21:58

CLATTERING Sorry, Jupiter.

0:21:580:22:02

I'll call out clues to different countries

0:22:020:22:04

around the world.

0:22:040:22:05

All the teams have to do is grab the name

0:22:050:22:08

of the right country and bring it back to moi,

0:22:080:22:11

which is Spanish for Iain.

0:22:110:22:13

OK, Lian, who is playing for you?

0:22:130:22:17

Is Hacker going to take on the challenge?

0:22:170:22:19

I'll do it, I'll do it. I can do it, I'll...

0:22:190:22:23

Radzi can do it.

0:22:230:22:25

OK, Radzi, and for Cody's team, who's playing -

0:22:250:22:28

the ninja or the comedian?

0:22:280:22:30

We'll have...a ninja.

0:22:300:22:32

I've never heard someone say "ninja" like...

0:22:320:22:35

"We'll have ninja."

0:22:350:22:36

I need a wee as well, so...

0:22:370:22:39

OK, well, this is going to be interesting.

0:22:390:22:41

In that case, Radzi and Ricky, let's go global!

0:22:410:22:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:460:22:48

OK. Radzi, are you ready?

0:22:510:22:53

-Absolutely ready.

-Let's check your helmet for safety.

0:22:530:22:57

Ricky. There we go, that's fine.

0:22:570:22:59

OK, if you're both ready, then your time will start

0:22:590:23:01

-when I ask you the first question.

-Yes.

0:23:010:23:03

-Are you ready?

-Yeah!

0:23:030:23:04

Justin Bieber, Drake and Michael Buble

0:23:040:23:06

were all born in which country? Go!

0:23:060:23:08

-THEY SHOUT SUGGESTIONS

-Canada!

-Canada!

0:23:080:23:11

-Canada, Radzi!

-Stop! You can use your hands! Stop.

0:23:110:23:16

Yes, got one.

0:23:160:23:17

I'm coming to you, baby.

0:23:180:23:20

It's Canada. Correct! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:200:23:22

In which country would you find the Uluru, Ayers Rock?

0:23:240:23:28

-THEY SHOUT SUGGESTIONS

-Australia!

-Australia!

-Go, go, go!

0:23:280:23:30

-Australia.

-Pick it up. Pick it...

0:23:300:23:32

-Go on. What are you doing?

-Come on, Radz!

0:23:320:23:33

Radzi! Useless.

0:23:330:23:36

Australia, correct! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:360:23:38

Where is the most populated country on earth?

0:23:400:23:42

-China! China! China!

-Wigan!

-China!

-Wigan!

-It is China, believe me!

0:23:420:23:46

What do you mean by popular?

0:23:460:23:48

-Wigan!

-Populated!

0:23:480:23:49

-Populated.

-It's Wigan.

0:23:490:23:52

Get back! Get back! Come back. Go back there.

0:23:520:23:55

-Stop there!

-Oh, he's down.

0:23:550:24:00

-Go, go!

-China, correct! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:000:24:04

How is that popular?!

0:24:040:24:05

In Europe, where would you find Minnie Mouse,

0:24:050:24:07

Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy?

0:24:070:24:09

Wigan! It's Wigan!

0:24:090:24:12

Like, America! I don't know!

0:24:120:24:14

Wigan! It's Wigan!

0:24:140:24:16

-What is he asking...?

-LAUGHTER

0:24:160:24:20

-Stop!

-Radzi, quick!

-LAUGHTER

0:24:200:24:22

That's mean!

0:24:240:24:26

-Come on!

-Come on! Come on!

0:24:260:24:30

Grab it. Grab it, Radzi.

0:24:300:24:32

Come on, come on, come on.

0:24:320:24:34

It's France! Correct! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:340:24:37

-This is so difficult!

-Come on!

0:24:370:24:39

If I were a samurai warrior, which country would I be from?

0:24:390:24:41

Japan, Japan, Japan, Japan!

0:24:410:24:43

-THEY SHOUT SUGGESTIONS

-Wigan!

0:24:430:24:45

Got it!

0:24:450:24:47

Flipping heck!

0:24:470:24:48

Japan is correct! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:500:24:53

The Coliseum, from which country?

0:24:550:24:58

-Wigan!

-Greece!

-Stop saying "Wigan."

-Wigan!

0:24:580:25:02

Is that Greece or Rome? I'm not sure!

0:25:020:25:04

-Just grab anything.

-The Coliseum... Stop!

0:25:040:25:08

Get...!

0:25:080:25:09

-I can see it!

-Stop knocking it around!

-Oh!

0:25:090:25:14

No! LAUGHTER

0:25:140:25:16

-LAUGHTER

-No! Why?

0:25:180:25:21

-Come on, come on.

-Oh, I give up.

0:25:210:25:23

Stay down, Radzi!

0:25:230:25:24

Italy is correct! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:25:290:25:33

In which country might you traditionally be served

0:25:330:25:36

guacamole, salsa and tortillas?

0:25:360:25:39

-Wigan!

-Mexico, Mexico!

0:25:390:25:41

I got one!

0:25:410:25:42

Radzi got Mexico! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:25:440:25:47

-BELL RINGS

-Yay! We won.

0:25:480:25:51

Gather round.

0:25:510:25:52

OK, at the end of that,

0:25:520:25:54

the team that got the most correct answers was...Ricky,

0:25:540:25:58

so you get a gold star for Cody's team.

0:25:580:26:02

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:020:26:04

And that's just about it.

0:26:060:26:07

All I need to do now is reveal who smashed their exams

0:26:070:26:11

and who's heading for Smash.

0:26:110:26:13

Let's bring down the stars.

0:26:130:26:15

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

0:26:150:26:17

And the winners are...Cody's team!

0:26:230:26:26

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:260:26:29

Well done, you lot.

0:26:300:26:33

You get a one-way ticket to Smugsville.

0:26:330:26:37

As for Lian's team,

0:26:370:26:39

not only does the dog eat your homework,

0:26:390:26:41

but you get detention with Mr Smash.

0:26:410:26:44

Time to do the walk of shame.

0:26:440:26:46

# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!

0:26:460:26:48

# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!

0:26:480:26:51

# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!

0:26:510:26:52

# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!

0:26:520:26:54

# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!

0:26:540:26:57

# Losers. #

0:26:570:26:59

Oh, can't believe we lost!

0:26:590:27:01

So, that's your lot. We didn't learn much, but it was fun trying.

0:27:010:27:05

See you next time on...

0:27:050:27:07

-AUDIENCE:

-The Dog Ate My Homework.

0:27:070:27:10

Sees ya!

0:27:100:27:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:130:27:16

Two teams fight it out to dodge detention. Iain Stirling is joined by child team captains Lian and Cody and special guests Hacker T Dog, Ellie Taylor, Ricky Martin and Radzi Chinyanganya, who battle it out in a series of hilarious new rounds and challenges guaranteed to make you laugh.