Slings and Arrows (Episode 1&2) The Dumping Ground

AIR HORN BLARES

Yes, yes!

CROWD CHEER

Sorry.

That's all right.

WHISTLE

You totally won it for the Blues.

You're definitely going to get a scholarship.

-Hey, my manager wants to see me later.

-Way to go!

Can you sign your match shirt for me?

What are you doing?

It'll go for megabucks when he's top goal scorer for England.

See, you're going to win one day.

Top shelf more like.

-Ryan!

-Go on, Bailey.

-ALL CHANT:

-Bailey, Bailey, Bailey, Bailey, Bailey...

Go on, Bailey.

THEY CHEER

Bailey Wharton?

You were at the football trials.

Yeah, if you're an agent you've got to talk to my manager.

I, er, I'm not an agent...

I'm your mum.

I've been...been trying to track you down for years and then,

and then I saw this in the paper.

Found out you was playing yesterday.

I'll get Mike.

How did you know I live here?

One of your team-mates told me.

So sorry, Bailey.

Mike? We need you in the garden.

DOORBELL

One second.

-Mike Milligan?

-Yes.

Rowena Spike and Lizzie Drewit from Ofsted.

Lucky you. It's inspection day.

You said you were trying to track me down.

Yeah, that's rubbish, because you could have called my dad.

-It's not that simple.

-You need to leave now.

-Unless you have official permission.

-Kazima, chill out.

-The inspectors from Ofsted are here.

-Bailey.

-No.

No, you walked out when I was two.

I don't need my mum no more.

-Bailey, wait.

-An Ofsted inspection, here?

-I can't leave him like this.

-Can you talk to him for me?

-Inspecting what?

Basically, how Mike runs The Dumping Ground,

-they check every single file in the office.

-Yeah, check our daily logs.

And ask loads of dumb questions like, how much salad do we eat?

They marked my last place so bad it nearly got shut down.

-Did Mike know they were coming?

-No, that's the whole point.

They catch you on a normal day.

Sanction book. Complaints book. Risk assessments. Health and safety log.

Care plans. Hospital and doctors reports.

I told you to get lost.

Is she yours or...or?

Is it a he?

It's none of your business.

Come on, Bailey, she's your mum. You can give her five minutes.

Er... I can, er... I can see that you're into your footy, then.

-My dad, he, he would have been proud.

-That's your grandad, Bailey.

Clock's ticking, yeah?

I'm sorry, what was that again, now?

The fire extinguisher is used for fires, not propping open doors.

And what's that up there? Where's the batteries for the smoke alarm?

-TV remote.

-Tyler!

Right, grand tour before we get stuck in.

Let's have Floss and Sasha do the honours.

Ladies...?

It was the hardest thing I ever did...saying goodbye.

It's true.

I wanted to...to get settled, somewhere safe,

and then come for you.

But, er, your...your dad, he...he moved house...without telling me.

I couldn't find where you'd gone.

Safe from who? Bailey's dad?

-I don't want to diss him...if you two are close.

-We're not close.

He stopped writing. Probably on one of his benders again.

But what would you know?

It's not like you ever looked for me very hard.

I thought about you...

..every day, OK?

Everything I ever did was, was about making a better life for us.

Oh, please(!)

OK, then. I got a job. Looking after old people.

I want you to be proud of me.

I grew up without a mum.

I used to think you was dead.

ALARM BEEPS

Time's up. Now get out.

-Bailey.

-Get out. Go on.

This is our bathroom...

..guess we've got some more pin ins.

And you are?

An intruder. Help!

Floss!

I...I had no idea she was here.

Do you often have members of the public wandering around?

Oh, um, she's not "members of the public". She's Bailey's mum.

What?

She hasn't been on the scene for years.

I've never even met her.

Obviously, we would have been all over this but...

if you hadn't arrived.

Coping with a multiple workload. Managing your time.

This isn't typical.

I promise.

Let's find out.

I want to see your safeguarding procedures and your incident book.

Yes, straightaway.

-Has she gone?

-Yes.

I told her to go through your social worker next time

if she wants to see you again.

Yeah, let her try.

-Oh!

-Germs?

Allergic.

This is Mischief, yeah? He lives here.

Mischief?

It doesn't say you have a house pet.

-Was it formally agreed?

-We saved him from the streets.

-He was going to die otherwise.

-He's really well-trained.

-He's eating paper.

-It's fine, Floss does it all the time.

Floss eats paper?

Yes...!

Cos I'm hungry for words.

I could eat all the books in the world.

That is beautifully said, Floss.

Who's your favourite author?

She likes Twits.

That's for kids.

Will-i-am Shakespeare?

Awesome.

Me, too. Which play do you like best?

So many to choose from.

Yeah.

A sweaty blind man?

That's, er, just a codename... because it's a secret.

A secret from who?

Mike and May-Li.

You see, we're going to be performing that as a surprise.

Wow, double awesome.

You told them you're putting on a Shakespeare play tomorrow?

Are you insane?

We can tell them it was a misunderstanding.

You know, you guys just got carried away.

-Mike?

-Yeah?

-Ready?

-Yeah.

She's scary.

How is it all going out there?

Yeah, exactly.

See, I think that we need something double awesome to make up

for the missing fire-alarm batteries and, you know, the random mums.

If we're going to do a play we need a butt-kicking director.

-I could be the director. I mean, how hard could it be?

-Good luck.

I might have passed your number on.

All right, guys, guys, we need to decide what play we're going

to do so, I'm thinking Romeo and Juliet.

That's too soppy, how about A Winter's Tale?

The only Shakespeare's play with a bear in it.

-Er, excuse me, who's the director here?

-A polar bear?

-Or a koala beer?

A koala isn't actually a bear, it's a marsupial.

-OK, can we stop talking about bears, yeah?

-OK, so hands up for my pick.

Bear takes it, you lose.

All right.

"A Winter's Tale, King Leontes plunges into a jealous rage

-"because he thinks his wife is cheating on him."

-Who with.

"His best friend, Polixenes,

"so he banishes their newborn baby to an island

"and sends Hermione to a prison where she dies of a broken heart."

It's not a comedy, then?

"Meanwhile on the island, baby Perdita is found by a shepherd...

"Fast forward 16 years and she falls in love with Polixenes' son...

"..comes back to life, she wasn't really dead.

"Leontes says sorry and everyone is happy, the end."

Can't we do The Lion King instead?

No, I think this could work, OK?

So, right, you guys focus and I will hand out these parts. OK?

THEY BICKER

-Married to Tee!

-Married to Tee, are you serious?

-Why can't Bailey play King Leontes?

-I've got a scholarship meeting.

Look, if there's any kissing, I'll need a body double.

A body double? Look, Ryan, are you too much of a baby to do this?

Look, I've got more theatrical experience than anyone here.

Look, it doesn't matter because, Ryan, you look older.

-I can play old, that's the whole point of acting.

-Costume budget?

If I'm going to make a killer bear suit, I'm going to need cash.

-A fiver, that'll do the trick. Ryan!

-Can I be the king?

-What about you?

That's me and my...my mum.

Are you going to see her, then, if you're social worker...

-Why should I?

-She's making more of an effort than mine ever does.

-What do you reckon?

-I don't know, a kind of bag-lady Cruella,

with really bad hair.

It sounds like a whole lot of bear to me.

Is that Bailey's mum?

What's she doing here?

-Look.

-There isn't a bottomless pit of money.

-A bottomless pit of m...?

FUNKY RAP MUSIC

Thank you. Are you all right?

Yeah.

You dropped your...

Thank you. Have you ordered?

You know, you can have whatever you want. This is my treat.

Have you spoke to my social worker?

Are you saying you want me to? Cos I wasn't sure.

Thought you out shopping?

We got distracted.

Ask your mum where she just was.

Two for one cocktails. What were you doing here?

If you're going to spy on me, get it right.

I was actually working.

-Working?

-Yeah, I got a shift behind the bar.

I thought you worked with old people.

Which is why I didn't want him to know. Thanks, guys.

Look, I, erm... I lost my job. Yesterday.

-My boss, he...he wouldn't give me the time off so I walked.

-You quit?

-To go to a football match?

-To see my son.

And, erm, well, now, I'm...

Well, now, I'm homeless because the job, it was live-in and,

which is why I was picking up a few quid anyway I could, OK?

To pay for my bill at the B&B.

So, you lost... You lost your home and your job cos of me?

You know, all these years I've been, been missing a piece of me.

I couldn't wait another day.

We're going to, erm,

crack on with the bear suit.

You coming?

I haven't ordered yet.

DOORBELL TINKLES

-And I want it learned by tomorrow, OK?

-OK.

Edited version, I took out all the bits Carmen couldn't understand.

-As long as I still get to send "Herm-own-nee" to jail.

-Yeah.

Er, it's Hermione, OK?

Unless you want to call me Her Majesty.

Hey, how far have you got?

Erm...

Verily, verily and behold.

I may not be young Mo but His Royal Highness, the King.

Read my lips, you are not playing Leonardo.

Leontes.

-MAY-LI CLEARS HER THROAT

-Carmen?

Actors can be a nightmare,

everybody knows that,

you've just got to use your people skills.

Mo...

I need you to play Flora Bund.

Florizel.

Florizel. OK, it's the prince that falls in love with the baby

16 years later and you get to do a special little dance with Harry.

Dance, what dance?

You said Perdita was a pirate.

Pirate, princess, what's the difference?

I'm not being a girl.

Oh, yes, you are, Harry.

Ashdene Ridge needs you.

We could hang out longer but I've got my scholarship meeting.

-Scholarship?

-Yeah.

It's to see if the club are going to give me a contract.

Already?

So, not that I'm surprised, you totally owned that pitch.

I'll play even better next time if I know you're watching.

So you just try and keep me away, right?

I'm so going to be there at the touchline.

If you get the touchline, you'll be in the box.

Can you text me and let me know how it goes?

I wish I could stick around to find out.

You are going?

I can't afford the B&B for another night.

But, you know what, this is your big break, OK?

I don't want to burden you with my problems, right?

Good luck, yeah?

DOORBELL TINKLES

Put it over here and fold over.

Yeah, that's it.

MUSIC: Monster by The Automatic

# What's that coming over the hill?

# Is it a monster?

# Is it a monster?

# What's that coming over the hill?

# Is it a monster?

# Is it a monster?

# What's that coming over the hill?

# Is it a monster?... #

Yeah, keep it in here, so we get the full shock value.

# Is it a monster? #

Best bear ever.

Yeah, I'm calling about the flat on your website

near the football ground.

Yeah, I've just been signed for the youth squad.

Yeah.

I'll take it.

Bailey, Bailey, you off now?

Yeah, I've got my Academy meeting in half an hour.

Good luck, they will be very fortunate to have you.

-I heard about your mum.

-Yeah, weird, isn't it?

Obviously, we will talk about some proper contact

but focus on your Academy meeting first. You need to show them

that you understand the responsibility of a scholarship.

-I'm on it, chill.

-And obviously... Bailey, I should come with you.

No, mate, no worries, it's all in hand.

But good luck with Ofsted, though, yeah?

Sure, thanks.

DISTANT CROWD CHEERS

-COMMENTATOR:

-He has the ball.

He is running down the pitch, looks like can score.

It is a goal!

This proves Bailey Wharton's worth every penny of his transfer fee.

DOG WOOFS

CHEERING

Bailey, you're up next.

FROM ANOTHER ROOM: We have landed in ill times.

-Shall we say it together? ALL:

-We have landed in ill times...

-Tyler, you're on.

-Yes!

What?

No, my lovely bear suit!

Mischief!

It was in your room, how did it get out here?

Oh, I wonder.

I didn't know Mischief would eat him.

Do you know what this means, Harry?

No bear means no play.

It means were going to fail the inspection.

They are going to close us down and it's all your fault.

-I hid it because I didn't want to be a girl.

-Grow up.

Alas, poor Bernard, you are unique, irreplaceable,

there will never be a bear like you again.

There might be.

-Can't believe I'm doing this. Ready?

-Yeah.

-Let's go.

Shut up about the bear, we are professional people.

Please say it's good news.

What do you think?

Am I congratulating our first ever football apprentice?

-Yeah, I guess.

-Yes!

-THEY ALL CHEER AND CLAP

Will you live with us when you are a pro?

Can I have your room then?

-He'll be on 20 grand a week.

-A million grand.

With our sporting and theatrical talents, we are

-going to blow the inspectors away.

-Bailey could do a football demo.

-Mike?

-Yeah.

-Care plans.

-Yeah, right, sure, coming up.

Excuse me, coming through, coming through.

Yeah, I'd better go work out my moves.

KNOCK ON DOOR

DOORBELL TINKLES AND DOOR CREAKS

This is Mr Twigg. He owns the restaurant.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Harry

and Finn. I never forget a customer.

And I never forget him.

-MAY-LI GASPS

-Wow.

SHE LAUGHS

Mum...

Go on, open it.

SHE LAUGHS

I knew you'd get in.

My little superstar.

THEY LAUGH

Well, aren't you going to ask me how I know?

Er...

The letting agent rang me.

Apparently, my son is renting a flat from next week.

Why did he call you?

Well, you might be a football genius,

but you are not old enough to sign a rental agreement.

I can't believe you didn't tell me.

I was going to tell you.

I was.

It is for us, right?

I'm not getting ahead of myself?

Of course it's for us.

Cos this is the dream that has kept me going, you know,

living with my little boy again.

Well, you're a big boy now.

Come here.

Turn it round, there we go.

-Whoa! It is outstanding.

-Yeah, thank Finn.

What do you think, Carmen?

Oh, it's cool, but if you think that gets you out of playing Perdita...

Yeah, you killed Bernard I, wearing a dress is the least you can do.

Come on, mate, take one for the team.

OK, I'll do it, but only for Mike.

OK, good.

Right, now, Scene Three from the top, come on.

We have landed in ill times, the skies look grimly...

Come, poor babe,

blah blah...

So, out my poor babe,

leave it crying...

..in the rain? In a forest?

Are you having a laugh?

Just drop the doll on the ground.

No, I didn't agree to dump the baby.

If you don't abandon the baby, there is no story.

It's cruel and nasty.

I'm having nothing to do with it.

Fine, I'll play her part.

So, out my poor babe, this is the chase, I'm gone, forever.

Bailey, can I have a word?

HE ROARS

-Ugh!

-Ross!

-Have the inspectors gone, then?

-Coming back tomorrow.

I've a feeling I'm going to be here all night.

Your manager called to make sure that you're OK.

I'm sorry you didn't make it.

Lots of the lads were released, it's not just you.

He said you were a fine player,

you just don't have that extra edge to turn pro.

You got binned! Why didn't you just tell us?

You wouldn't understand.

DOG WHINES

Just stop stressing about it.

Bernard has a bag of jewels in his head.

Carmen, that could be stolen property.

Why don't we tell Mr Twigg? It's his bear.

Because he put them in there.

-He's a jewel thief, it's obvious.

-He's really nice.

He gave me and Finn free chocolate Sundays. DOORBELL RINGS

Exactly, the restaurant's just a cover.

He's got criminals after him so he dumps the bear on us.

Criminals? Suppose they come here.

Lizzie, Rowena.

Bring on day two!

Morning, campers.

ALL: Morning.

-I'm sorry. Yeah?

-You should have told us yourself, shouldn't you?

Get over it, people. He's been ditched from the Academy,

there are worse things that can happen.

DOORBELL RINGS Like what?

like we fail this inspection.

-Hello?

-Is it Mr Milligan?

-Yes.

-You wanted to see me?

Call me Mike.

-OK.

-Come in the office.

Is this about the flat because I know that Bailey can't move in

-until we get all the official stuff sorted.

-Move in?

What flat?

You've only just met her!

-Whose idea was this? Your mum's?

-Your mum can't afford a flat.

She got sacked from her job.

Let me guess, you said you'd pay for it

-and then the Academy ditched you.

-It's time to start talking.

It's my fault she lost her job.

I'm not going to tell her landlord.

You've rented somewhere already?

It's 800 quid. Rent and deposit.

I can't let her down.

You don't have a choice.

Now, we sorted the young people into groups for informal interviews.

-Right, OK.

-We thought we'd mix the ages up a bit,

-see how they'll rub along.

-Great!

See, she's stressed out enough without a secret jewel stash.

So, what do we do now?

I guess we just wait until after the play, if we put Bernard

in the attic in case the criminals come,

and just forget his head ever fell off.

I guess a few more hours won't make much difference.

You two take him upstairs, OK?

-So, King Leontes...

-That's you.

-And Antig... The servant.

-Ross, that's you.

But why don't you just stick to what's on the script?

Alison, sorry for keeping you.

Bailey, should we take your mum out into the garden

-because it's a bit more private.

-Private?

-But you're going to come, too?

-Afraid so,

until we can agree on supervised contact.

Sorry, sorry to break the creative flow!

Billie, Kazima and Finn, we'd like a chat with you now.

What kind of a chat?

About this place.

It's your thoughts that count.

They're trying to find out the bad stuff.

Play dumb, say nothing.

What if I kill the bear and look after the baby?

-You can't change Shakespeare, Floss!

-Then I'm still on strike.

I thought you were more mature than Harry.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

I can't pay for it right now, the flat.

The Academy, they released me.

"Released"?

But I thought you was really talented, you know?

I can do trial somewhere else.

Bailey...

It may take a while for me to get spotted,

but players move around all the time.

If you got a job around here, you could afford a flat yourself.

I'm just... I'm just sad.

For you, you know, you're not even 16

and they're throwing you on the scrapheap.

-Alison...

-I can deal with it.

Because now I've got you.

Bailey, you've got another visitor.

You speak a language I understand not.

It's a line from the play.

Now you're having a pop at me accent?!

You can't even say my name right!

I need you to be the servant because Floss is...

Not now, Carmen..

-I don't even know what we're doing right now.

-How about you two...

What are you doing here? I don't want to see you.

Mr Wharton, Jimmy, should have told us you were coming.

I only found out last night.

Your social worker phoned and said your mum had showed up.

Rowena Spike from Ofsted, pretend I'm not here.

Why didn't you call me?

Son?

Shall we? Please?

Come on, Bailey. Come on.

Sit down.

Jimmy, you'll get your chance to put your views

-when Alison applies for formal contact.

-No, he won't.

You stopped me seeing her! You lied my whole life!

-Back up, that's rubbish.

-You don't get to say no more.

Ask her what he did!

Go on.

You mean, Alison is here?

Now? Where?

In the garden, but this isn't the time or the place.

Jimmy, hang on!

Bailey!

She's gone!

This is your fault.

She probably heard your voice and freaked out.

-Good.

-Good?

Like she was terrified of you.

Alison, terrified? Have you met your mum?

CAR HORN

Mum!

Get in!

Move or we'll lose her!

Just drive, don't talk!

Jimmy, you can't take him away like this!

You know what the rules are! Jimmy! Jimmy!

Mr Twigg? What are you doing here?

Ruining your play, I'm afraid.

I should have been honest with you in the first place.

My restaurant is bankrupt and the bank is selling everything.

-Including your bear?

-Its value to me is priceless.

He belonged to my father and before him to his father.

But we can still use him for the play, right?

The bailiffs already have him on their list.

I have to return him immediately or I am breaking the law.

Maybe they'll let you keep him?

This would be lovely but I don't think so.

I owe an awful lot of money.

Maybe he doesn't know about the jewels.

That's her, that's the cab, pull up!

All right, all right!

-Just stay there.

-No way.

She doesn't want to see you.

Just keep out of it.

Mum!

Look, I'm, er, I'm sorry for running off just now.

-Yeah, it's cos you heard Dad.

-Your dad?

-Yeah, don't worry.

I mean, he wouldn't hurt you with me around.

Look, I don't want to speak to him.

-Don't bother trying to make me.

-Don't go that way, please.

-What are you doing here?

-Just don't start anything.

She ain't your mum.

Er, change of plan. We keep him talking till the cops come.

No, it's not a joke, he's just a skint old guy who owns a restaurant.

Pizzas for life.

What are you doing to my bear?

I found it, so you can share the treasure with me if you want.

Hang on, where is what and what treasure?

It fell out of the bear, so I hid it.

We were going to tell you when the inspectors had gone.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

He's an innocent kid.

-Don't you care about his feelings?

-You're hardly Dad Of The Year.

This isn't about me, Bryony.

Look him in the face and tell him who's lying.

I'm not your mum.

-The photo.

-It's real. It's...

We were chilling in your garden, back in the day.

This is your mum's best mate.

So, where's my mum?

-Just... I don't understand.

-Did Alison put you up to this?

-No, I ain't seen her in years.

-So how'd you find him?

I, er, I saw his photo in the paper

and then I went along to his Academy game.

-It sort of went from there, really.

-So you lied to me on purpose?

-Remember all those things you said about Dad being violent.

-What?

-I didn't say that. That was you... joining the dots.

-Son...

-..you know me better than that.

-You know what?

We would have been sweet, you know, and nice, cushy flat,

away from the care home...

..till this one gets himself binned off from the Academy.

-Oh, guys, I'm disappointed in you.

-Are you going to call the police?

That might be rather tricky,

seeing as I haven't even seen this treasure.

Sorry to butt in. Oh, and another visitor?

-Yes, no, he's been signed in.

-He's our prop supplier.

-Anyway, sorry, who's next for the interviews?

-Toni, Floss and Carmen.

Ready when you are.

-Remember, careless talk costs lives.

-Good luck.

-How about a cup of tea?

-Wait, guys, before you go, Carmen,

I know that you were only trying to help with the inspection

but that's not an excuse.

Missing property, damaging the bear -

this play's doing more harm than good.

-But, Mike, that...

-So, it's cancelled.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

Keep it down. Look, until we fix this mess, no treasure, no play.

Sorry.

-We've just got to find the treasure, then.

-I'll go and look upstairs.

-How's the play going?

-Is this part of the interview?

-It's the chat beforehand.

-Cool. Tell us when you've started.

-Cooperation first. Pick one.

-From the comments box?

-I can't read.

-You told me you were hungry for words.

-Your favourite author's Shakespeare.

-Oh, yeah!

So, why the silent routine?

-I can only assume you've got something to hide.

-No. We're not.

"Carmen is bossy and vain and her hair clogs up the plughole."

-Thank you, Floss(!)

-It wasn't me.

You know, I can recognise your handwriting.

Can I have a biscuit now?

-Whose dumb idea was it not to say anything?

-What happened?

Well, they think that we're covering something up.

We've got to find those jewels, guys.

We've searched everywhere. There's no sign.

-Someone must have nicked them.

-Like you nicked a computer?

Like you were done for shoplifting.

Hey, we're not going to start accusing each other.

We've got to figure out some sort of motive.

Well, there's wanting to stop the play,

like Harry wrecking Bernard I.

What about Bailey?

Bailey wouldn't steal anything... would he?

Well, he did need 800 quid to get a flat.

Well, there's your thief, then. Who else would it be?

My mum.

-My fake mum.

-Fake?

-You mean, that wasn't the real one?

-Just don't ask.

-I knew you weren't the thief.

-I was about to call the police.

-You can't just take off like that.

-I'm sorry.

Your dad called, told me everything. I'm glad you came home.

Wait, so it's Bailey's fake mum that stole the jewels?

Hang on, how do you figure that?

She was in the lobby when the head fell off on the stairs,

then I put them in the box while she was walking past there.

-She must have seen the jewels.

-Have you any idea where she's gone?

Bus station.

Listen, let me handle this, do you hear me? Do you hear me?

Oh, Bailey.

Hey, Bryony!

-Forgetting something?

-What are you doing here?! Oh!

-Don't do that.

Give it back...before I call security. Give it back.

Yeah, I'm sure the police would love to see these.

You stole from a kids' home?

Have you any idea, the effort, that I wasted on you,

pretending to be interested in your football career?

You know what? It's... It's a relief that the Academy ditched you, I...

Just leave this, please.

I don't think I could have put up with those Bambi eyes every day.

She's not worth it.

I'm glad you're not my mum.

These were my mother's. I thought they were stolen years ago.

Just disappeared a little bit.

Thanks to you, Twigg's Restaurant lives on. And the pizzas are on me.

Brilliant!

The hour is upon us. What rebels are in hand?

What play to ease the anguish of this torturing hour?

What? Are you guys doing a play? Fantastic.

-CHEERING

-Good luck.

-Um, are we back on?

-Can you wing it?

-Do you even have to ask?

-Good.

KNOCK ON DOOR

TOGETHER: We cleaned your boots for the football demo...

..for the inspectors.

CROWD GROANS

CROWD GROANS

LAUGHTER

-We're starting. You can help with costumes, if you want.

-Er...

Fine. But you're still down to do a football demo.

-I can't.

-What?

I don't want these no more.

You might not get into the first club you try,

-but you've got to be in it to win it.

-Football is your dream job.

If I had something like that, I'd never give it up.

-OK, guys, you've made your point.

-But he's really talented.

Yes, but it's up to Bailey what he does now.

It's been a big knock-back.

Look, I could try another club, but I'd be further away

and have training four times a week, plus matches.

-Mike could take you.

-Could be 100 miles away.

We could find you somewhere else to live, I mean,

-if that's what you want.

-Leave here?

-No.

-Well, that's the choice.

And even then I might not get picked.

I could just spend the whole season on the subs' bench.

-Just get dumped at the end of it.

-You can't think like that.

-Why not?

I'm just being realistic.

If I'm going to end up on a scrapheap, I want out now.

DOORBELL RINGS

Me and Bailey have got unfinished business.

-Dad?

-Backstage, you two, quick.

Come on. Come on.

-How come you never told me about the Academy yourself?

-What's to tell?

You won't be seeing me at Wembley no more.

Guess you can't big me up to your friends.

What's that supposed to mean? I'm proud of you, whatever you do.

Yeah, so proud that you just dump me at a football ground.

All right.

I've not been the greatest... but I never drove Alison away.

I begged her to keep seeing you, but she didn't want to be a mum.

Great(!)

-She hate me that much?

-She knew you had me.

I did all right when you was a little nipper.

There was less to get wrong.

And then I got older.

Sorry about that(!)

I knew I couldn't be the dad you needed.

-What, so, you just leave me with no dad?

-I left you with Mike.

Oh.

So, why are you here now?

You don't care. You only came to stop me seeing her.

MUSIC: Don't Wanna Fight Alabama Shakes

Hey, so, er...

to Mike, May-Li, and all the assembled guests,

for your entertainment we present to you - The Winter's Tale.

Fantastic surprise.

My wife is slippery, she is an adulteress.

You, my lord, but do mistake.

He thinks you've touched his queen.

My best blood turned into infected jelly.

Take this vile creature hence to some remote and desert place

and there thou leave it.

I swear to do this. Prepare my ship.

WIND HOWLS

We have landed in ill times and skies look grimly.

Come, poor babe. Thy mother appeared to me in a dream last night.

She said, "If you must have my baby, put some garlic next to her,

"cos bears really hate garlic,"

in a letter saying that she loves you...

and in 16 years - spoiler alert -

she might see you again in some palace or a nail bar.

THEY GASP

Aggh!

SHE CHOKES

APPLAUSE

DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS

We have come to see the statue of our queen.

-Dear Queen, Mother, lend me your hand.

-Music, awake her, strike.

Be stone no more.

Turn, good lady, our Perdita is found.

You gods, look down and pour your graces on my daughter's head.

Queen Hermione finds her baby, Fat Harry, who she thought was dead

and King Leontes is sorry for being a nasty king,

so everyone forgives him.

Perdita is well happy

cos she knows her mum never stopped loving her, ever.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

THUNDERCLAP

BEAR ROARS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

RINGING TONE

Dad?

-Where are you?

-'I'm waiting for you.'

I told my boss I needed a couple of days off.

'I thought you were out of work.'

I got my old job back.

-'You never said.'

-You never asked.

Whatever Mum did...

..it wasn't your fault.

I shouldn't have said all that stuff.

You're not a failure, Son. Football isn't everything.

I never meant for you to feel that way.

I'm just going to take a break for a bit.

There's other stuff to do.

Like...seeing your old man?

Well, you stopped writing.

Yeah.

-Do you want me to find the real Ali...Alison?

-No. No.

No.

See, Mike was right.

YOU did OK without her.

WE did OK.

I wish we could be mates again.

-I miss your ugly face.

-Yeah, I miss yours.

See, you're my real dad.

That's never going to change.

Come here.

Did we pass?

It's not a pass/fail thing. You'll have the report in two weeks.

Two weeks?

Obviously, there are some areas for improvement.

I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

It's a shame you couldn't be so honest in your interviews.

Your loyalty to Mike and May-Li might have been misplaced,

but it shows you value them very deeply.

After seeing how they supported Bailey, I can't say I'm surprised.

Is she being nice? I can't tell.

We were also very impressed with your ambition.

It's the first time we've ever had a play performed for us.

You guys totally rock!

You're resourceful, imaginative, considerate and caring.

Well done. Keep up the good work.

We are expecting even greater things next time.

LAUGHTER

Down that end. Twins.

Go on, Harry.

Play something else.

No, you're all right.

-Go on, Harry.

-He never passes to me.

So what's it to be next time? Hamlet? Macbeth?

Henry VI, Parts 1 and 2 and 3?

I think I'm going to stick to reading Shakespeare. All those egos.

Too much from me.

HE LAUGHS

Talking of which, look at this! Oi-oi!

INDISTINCT VOICES

CHEERING