Miscreants, Robots and Bullies The Dumping Ground

Mischief! DOG BARKS

Hey, miss me?

HE CHUCKLES

-Have you seen that lorry?

-Must be for Agatha's old house.

Oh, hi, Bailey.

Oh, Bailey, you're back.

-How are you?

-I'm cool.

-Have you seen Mo?

-You're not due back till tomorrow.

Oh, and our new neighbours are moving in today.

All right, boys?

-Hey, Bailey.

-Hey, Bailey.

Hey, Mo, I've got you a wicked present.

-Are you visiting Sasha?

-No.

Don't dob me in it.

-Where's Mo?

-Gone back to his grandad's.

Didn't you know?

-You knew Mo was leaving.

-Yeah, in a couple of weeks.

No, no, no, no, can't phone him.

Yeah, but I'm going to say goodbye.

-Have you got a problem with that?

-Not till he's settled in.

His grandad has asked that we leave it a few days, yeah?

Don't cry about it, Bailey. It's not like he's your brother.

Yeah, like you'd know.

Where's yours?

Has anyone seen the twins this morning?

It's my turn to play with Harriet first.

You're too rough. Agatha said she was keeping her for someone special.

-THUMPING

-Careful.

Let's get that dresser.

The new owners. Quick!

Don't drop Harriet, she's really fragile.

We'll never get out without being seen.

Of course, the guttering needs doing.

Hey, there! Hold it!

Oh, Peter!

Oh!

Two of...

Two of the vagabonds!

"To the residents. We would be delighted

"if you could join us for some light refreshment

"at four o'clock today."

On the day they move in? That's weird.

We can take them a house-warming present!

Maybe...cherry cupcakes.

# You were the shadow to my light... #

CREAKING

CREAKING CONTINUES

Oi! That's not yours.

Get out!

Can I hang around with you? You've got really sick trainers.

Look, I never said you could touch them.

Now, scram, you little brat!

Who are you talking to?

It's none of your business.

Don't come in my room without knocking, yeah?

Go.

-Get off! It's a house-warming.

-Why is it a house-warming?

Why isn't it house-chilling?

-Do we have to go?

-You and Billie were friends with Agatha.

Do you not want to know the people that she left her house to?

It says residents, and that's all of us. Come on.

Hey, Bailey!

I'm not meeting any dumb neighbours.

They've all gone.

Wicked.

HE SIGHS HEAVILY

Look, if you ain't seeing Sasha, just do one, yeah?

-No-one wants you here.

-You're only in a mood because Mo is gone.

-Just shut it, yeah?

-Oi! Leave him alone.

Just tell him to get out of my face.

So it was him in your room?

-Oh, whatever.

-You can't come here outside of contact

or Mum'll get into trouble.

Is that what you want?

Or for her and Kev to be a family,

with you and Murphy and the baby?

And me?

Sasha, hurry up!

Stop playing around with Bailey and go home.

# Once I was seven years old

# My mamma told me

# "Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely"

# Once I was seven years old... #

BOLTS, LOCKS AND CHAINS RATTLE

Ah...greetings.

Peter Umbleby. My lady wife - Janet.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Likewise. I'm Mike.

-And I'm May-Li.

Thank you so much for inviting us. And so soon.

Ah, well, we like to touch base with the neighbours ASAP.

We'll be meeting each household one by one, you know?

Really?

Well, Janet gets nervous.

Doesn't like crowds.

Kids, come on.

This is Tyler.

Jody, Kazima.

Archie, Sasha, Floss...

Cupcake? Me and Joseph made them.

Oh, lovely!

Billie, Finn, Tony, Joseph,

Chloe and...Ryan.

Oh, well, come in.

Thank you.

Thank very much.

Er...12 children?

Oh, 13, actually. Yeah, one of them's not there.

Right...

You're so young.

What?

-Do you think May-Li and I are...?

-Oh...!

No, no, no, no. They're not ours.

You've got to be kidding me!

Can you imagine? SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

So, what is this?

Oh, we're a children's home.

Bailey!

Bailey, wait up!

-Shall we have a kickabout?

-The bus stop's over there, yeah?

Come on, I know you want to.

-You used to play loads in the old days.

-Look, just stop bugging me!

Are you deaf?

Did you find your cat?

Erm...yeah. Thanks for asking.

You haven't got a cat.

People say random stuff like that to me all the time.

Oh, the bus is coming.

Ashdene Ridge Care Home.

I'm surprised you didn't know.

So are you all...orphans?

We are in care.

Some of us have parents, they just can't look after us.

Tyler's mum's got mental problems.

Huh?

And Jody's was in prison for ages.

Not any more!

And Sasha was supposed to go to secure.

That's for the baddest kids.

Floss, I'm sure the Umblebys aren't interested.

Yes, we are! We should have been told.

There's Mischief, as well.

He used to belong to a homeless guy,

but he's our dog now.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Hands off the robo-vac!

That's Mrs Umbleby's baby.

Wow...

-Cherry cupcake?

-Uh-uh! Go and do your homework.

-Go on.

-You told me I had to impress the neighbours.

-Not this rabble.

-It'd be way over their heads.

-Won't go over Tyler's head.

He's enormous.

HE GASPS FOR BREATH

Choking! Eddie!

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

You're supposed to take the stones out!

Right, go, and never come back!

That went well.

Oi! You need to look after your brother.

He's only here because of the new baby.

-That's why he keeps hanging around.

-Yeah, I'm not talking about that.

He's being...weird.

Weirder than you? I doubt it.

Well, fine. If you don't want to know...

He's my family. Get it?

And I've got his back until I move into Kev's house with Mum.

That's never going to happen. Your mum's a flake.

And your dad's a loser

who works on a ship just so he doesn't have to see you.

Stay away from my brother!

I don't want him learning anything off you.

Not again...!

It was Bailey who suggested it. Just what he needs.

He's only doing it to get at me.

Hey, Dexter, on me head.

That's an awful lot of effort, if that's the only reason.

You're pathetic. You know that?

Yeah, it's not my fault your bro thinks I'm the bomb.

And watching you freak out makes it all worthwhile.

That thing I saw.

She's holding it.

Mrs Dumbleby said it was her baby.

What?

Where?

That round metal thing, this big.

-Then it's obvious, it's an egg.

-An egg?

People don't hatch from eggs.

No, but robots do.

"Public meeting to address residents' concerns

"about Ashdene Ridge."

"We are horrified to discover

"a children's care home on our doorstep.

"No obvious signage, deliberately hiding the miscreants within."

Miscreants? Are they Victorian?

Nice job, Floss. They think we're all crims.

Right, nobody panic, right?

One set of neighbours can't close us down.

Bailey, the training cones need to go back in the shed, please.

-Can't Dexter do it?

-Sasha's taking him home.

-He's a bit of a handful, isn't he? Reminds me of someone.

-What?

Look...

he really looks up to you.

And it's great that you're giving him the time.

Message from Mum.

She doesn't want Dexter playing football with you any more.

Really? She seemed happy enough earlier.

Yeah, so you've been dissing me.

-Who's pathetic now?

-Didn't have to. He's found someone better.

Shame.

KNOCKS ON THE DOOR

Bailey.

Kev.

Saw you around the academy. Come in.

Got to thank you for getting Dex back into his football.

-Big respect.

-Yeah, so are you training him now?

Me?

Nah.

I'll be taking it from here.

-Roddy...

-Hello, mate.

How's it going? Ain't seen you since you got dropped.

Yeah.

-So Kev's your dad?

-He stayed on when you left.

-Went down the coaching route.

-He's professional, nearly.

That's the plan. He's off to America to footie college.

I'll get the kettle on, love.

So why did Dexter come to me, then...

since you're so great?

Pity?

Once I get rid of those bad habits you taught him,

he's going to be a tidy little player, aren't you, mate?

How many so far?

I've counted 12 people going into the Dumblebys'.

-Definitely.

-I don't get it. No-one's ever complained before.

Guys... They've added free cake to the poster.

They're cheaters!

If they're bad-mouthing us, we've got to know what they're saying.

Absolutely.

We're residents, too. I've got every right to be there.

Go, Mike.

Should we tell him they're robots?

We need proof.

I always need linos, if you want to get some experience.

From you? That's a joke.

Oh, you're just jealous because you didn't stick at it, mate.

Yeah, and I know your rep.

You're a bully. I wouldn't let you coach my dog, mate.

What, they take dogs in your league? That figures.

-I'm not in the league.

-Of course you're not. You're a loser.

Dex is well out of it, mate. He needs a firm hand.

Yeah? Well, play us.

-Sorry?

-Let's see who's the best coach.

My team against yours.

I think that's a great idea, boys.

Come on.

-A football match?

-Yeah.

-You went to the house?

-We've only been training a day.

-Roddy needs teaching a lesson.

He's got nothing to do with you. Nothing!

Cool it, you two. Look, I'm sure we can muster up a team for a friendly.

Hey...

-Well?

-They've got a couple of signatures on their petition.

-There's a petition?

-Well, to be fair, there has been noise.

Broken windows. Police visits.

Yeah, but the Dumblebys don't have anything on us.

It's not like we've been trespassing in the house.

-Well, we did nearly poison them.

-Poison?

-Our cakes were delicious.

-Cherry stones contain cyanide.

Awkward!

Jody's right. They can't complain if we don't give them grounds.

It's not really trespassing,

if Agatha let us go round.

-You stole Harriet?!

-You wouldn't let me play with her.

Don't you touch her, she's delicate! Get off!

You'll break her!

-What is this?

-It was Billie, not me.

-It's from Agatha's attic.

-You have to take it back.

No way! Mr Dumbleby's too scary.

I'll do it. If you help me, Kaz.

That's how he walks when there's nobody looking.

Definitely a robot.

I bet he's metal inside, too.

Well, that's how we prove it. We see if they're magnetic.

OK, are you ready?

Cool.

Floss, you'll have to be our sub.

Where are you going?

-There's a key?

-Agatha kept losing them, so she had loads.

OK, quick.

Oi!

He's 17. You can't play him.

-Excuse me?

-I recognised him from the Academy.

-What's going on?

-Delaying tactics.

-Expected as much.

-How old are you, son?

-13.

-He's not!

Dexy...

Over here.

Is that boy in your year at school?

Yeah.

OK, go on, quickly.

Quick. Come on, come on.

Forgot the measurements. Numbskull.

Oh, and Mum said don't forget

to put a dicky bow on for the concert later, all right?

-Yeah, sure.

-Yeah.

-We were just putting something back.

-OK.

-Thank you.

Let's go.

-Yes, here!

-Man on!

Man on!

Yes, well done!

Yes! Good football. Well done.

Yes!

Come on, team.

Come on, guys, what are we doing? Focus!

Yes!

Team DG!

Team, huddle up.

They are slaying us.

I don't even want to play any more.

I'm going back to the bus.

-Never quit during a match, all right?

-But we're rubbish.

You're not rubbish. For newbies, you lot are pretty sick.

-We let in 23 goals.

-And you scored two.

Top volley from Joe. And, Billie, that cross was total class.

The right-back's a left footer, so take her on the outside.

We're not going to win.

Yeah, maybe not.

But if we only let in ten goals in the second half,

it'll be an awesome result, yeah?

Team DG?

-ALL:

-Team DG! Team DG!

Yay!

It's yours!

Go on, team!

Yes!

That's what I'm talking about!

That's it, keep it up.

Hey, guys, focus on your defence!

REF BLOWS THE FINAL WHISTLE

You've done good, guys. You've all done good.

Well done, well done, well done, well done.

You lost. I don't get it.

All right, team, come in.

You really pulled it around.

-Yeah, we're not quitters.

-Don't be so modest.

They listen to you.

We just do whatever works. That's all.

Have you ever thought about taking it up properly?

These American colleges are always looking for talent.

HE BLOWS A WHISTLE

LAUGHTER

HE SCREAMS

I'm done with all of that. Hey, Dexter!

You've got to stand up to Roddy, yeah?

Otherwise, he's always going to push you about.

Come on, mate.

This isn't just about the footy, is it?

Dexter...

Come on!

Then I smashed it into the net.

I nearly took the goalie's head off!

Yes! Look...

Their star player, he plays for the over-17s.

See, I told you. Roddy's a cheat.

He's no good for your brother.

Don't pretend this has anything to do with Dexter.

That's enough, you two. Mischief needs walking.

Hello?

You've left your door open!

-Burgled?

-I called the police. The Umblebys are on their way back now.

-Do we know who did it?

-I don't know.

But the house is marked, so it's probably a professional job.

Yeah, Mischief still needs to be walked.

DIALLING TONE

PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

It was you who robbed the Dumblebys!

-I saw your cat poster.

-That's all I do.

Not the actual burgling.

What?!

I mark the houses. And I marked the Dumblebys for you.

Because they're nasty.

To make up for winning the football match.

So who are you working for?

Huh? Who are you working for?

Is it Roddy?

Roddy...

Shh. You can't tell anyone.

I'll work that out for myself, yeah?

-Suppose the police do?

-They can't.

I have to do what he says,

or it'll stir it up with the social workers.

To get the baby taken off Mum.

What's she doing?

I don't know. Must be out of battery or something.

Come on.

Argh!

Intruders! Help! He poked me!

You lot! Came back to gloat, did you?

Dad, wait! It wasn't them.

What do you mean it wasn't them?

Who else would it be?

Huh?

No way. They didn't burgle the Dumblebys' house.

It's Umbleby. Show some respect.

Get in.

No...

Seat belts on.

-Not them, they're innocent.

-Shh!

-Are they going to get arrested?

-Yeah, not without evidence.

Look, just keep your head down, yeah?

-But I know who did it.

-You'll get done for being an accessory.

Get a criminal record.

Do I have to be in Roddy's gang for ever?

No.

Because you've got me now.

I'm going to fix him for good.