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CHATTER FROM DOWNSTAIRS
-Did they put you in a police cell?
Just a tiny one, just for a minute?
We just tell them the truth.
-That way, they'll let us play with Harriet.
-I didn't mean to steal her.
The point is, they had nothing to do with the burglary.
Did you see any police dogs? Did you stroke them?
Hey, Dexter, grub's up.
'"Dear Bailey, thanks for trying to help me,
'"but it's not fair to get you in trouble, too.
'"So I'm handing myself in to the police."'
Oi, what you doing? I said I'd fix it.
Just come on.
There's a house I know from my old dog-walking business.
They've got a silent alarm.
You get me?
-I think so.
-Roddy won't know they're coming.
They'll catch him right at it. Boom.
Dexter, you didn't come down for breakfast.
Your mum guessed you'd be here.
We were just chatting about the game.
You're not supposed to be coaching him.
That was the deal.
It's OK, Sash. No good coach wants to give up a player.
Roddy won't be too happy.
He'll be crashed out in bed. Had a late one last night.
-Text me, yeah?
Bet you they electrify it next. Buzz!
You can understand them taking precautions.
They were burgled last night.
Yeah, but they still think it was us.
I heard Mrs Umbleby saying that the police are a pack of incompetents.
So, let's turn it around.
-You know, become the perfect neighbours.
Let's show the Umblebys how lucky they are
living near a great bunch of kids.
-What was stolen?
The police said it was a professional job.
They're probably over there now sitting on bricks,
because they've got no chairs.
I know, why don't we replace the stuff that was stolen?
How much do chairs cost?
We don't need money.
Ashdene Ridge...Crime Patrol?
It doesn't roll off the tongue.
I really don't think the name matters that much.
Ashdene Ridge...Anti-Crime... Operation.
OK, fine, ARACO.
We patrol the streets and stop any more burglaries.
546 to control. In position. Confirm!
Received. Stand by.
Have you got an eyeball on the suspect? Repeat?
Ours is definitely the coolest idea.
Can I go round Edward's house?
Edward? Edward who?
The Dumblebys' son.
You said we had to be the perfect neighbours.
-So I'm going to make friends with him.
Cos I have excellent social skills.
That's a great idea, Floss.
Job's done. Over to you.
-Good night, was it?
Right, Dad, I'm going to go and run this off.
All right, son.
KNOCKS ON DOOR
Is Edward in?
Right, listen up.
ARACO's investigating the sneak that jacked my bike.
Hang on, you're ARACO and someone stole your bike?
You must be really rubbish.
It was in the shed. I borrowed it.
-PHONE MESSAGE TONE
-And I might be needing it
later on, as well.
You can't just take it without asking.
You left it outside. It's finders keepers.
It's my bike! Get your own.
So, just stop a second.
Where is it? I need my phone.
Try and visualise where you were the last time you had it.
Who were you talking to? Think!
Who won the FA Cup last year?
SHE HANGS UP
DOGS BARK IN DISTANCE
-'Hi, Rob and Clare aren't here right now,
'so leave a message'
Dex, you moron!
Oi! Come on, we got to go, now!
-SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
-You set us up?!
Quick, get in the van. Get in.
Your plan failed.
Literally useless at everything, you know that?
'So you're going to back off'
and keep your gob shut,
or I'll tell Rob and Clare who picked their house.
All right, just let me talk to him.
It's over, you little snitch.
If I go down for this, then you're coming with me.
It was you, wasn't it? You took my phone.
Do you know what you've done?
I told you not to mess with my family.
-Roddy's got Dexter.
He robs people's houses. Dexter's been working for him.
-We were setting them up.
I was supposed to be there.
All right, come on, we've got to find him.
The Umblebys will be really pleased with all of this.
Thank you so much for your generosity.
That's so kind of you. Bye.
-Umm, what's that?
-A yoghurt maker and some fish forks.
It does look a bit tatty.
Beggars can't be choosers. The Dumblebys will be very grateful.
There's years of wear left in this stuff.
WOOD SPLITS, THEY LAUGH
Right, so what I'm proposing is to put an extra two feet of fencing...
I know Edward loves the clarinet,
and this is Mozart's clarinet quintet.
I love it so much.
And, by the way, it's in A.
Crime log update.
12.15pm, deliberate musical disturbance.
Spying over the fence.
And they're still going up and down the street
pushing the shopping trolley.
They're a highly-organised criminal gang.
Who knows what they're planning to do next.
We've got their number.
Look! That man dropped a crisp packet.
Well, phone 999.
Scramble all units.
One whole hour...
and we still haven't seen any suspicious behaviour.
So, why didn't Dexter tell me?
You should've noticed - I've been trying to tell you.
-What's bechamel sauce?
-Have you seen Dexter?
-I'm making Kev a lasagne.
-Look, where's Dexter?
-It's important, Mum.
Well, don't ask me! You were hardly home at his age.
She doesn't know anything. We can't waste time. Come on!
Is there anywhere where Roddy goes? Just think.
The club - that old place that Kev's always on about restoring it.
-Well, do you know where that is?
Ah, we're going to the police with our crime log.
They can't ignore us now.
-Does Edward like opera?
Lock that door. Quick!
Right, that's it.
If the crime won't come to us, then we create our own.
But the only reason we're doing this
is because the Dumblebys think we're criminals already.
So? They won't know it's us.
I'll be disguised as a baddie, and Jody can be my victim.
And then ARACO does a citizen's arrest.
The Dumblebys will think we're awesome!
I thought you gave the key back.
There's another at 13.
This is going to be such a brilliant surprise.
Come on, Jody!
We have to practice before the Dumblebys come home!
Take one! Action!
Give us your bag, you rancid old crone!
Not if you're going to be offensive!
Ow! What are you doing?!
Take two. Again!
I just want to talk!
Are you OK? Did he hurt you?
Not as dumb as you look, then.
A broken window! This is the last straw.
Let's get you inside.
I don't get it. I thought you were serious about your coaching.
Footie's a mug's game. You must know that, loser boy.
And robbing is better?
Yeah, well, I'll get my Lambo quicker
than I would in the Conference League.
It stops now, OK?
I don't want you anywhere near Dexter.
-You can't order me about.
-Yes, I can.
Or I'll tell your dad what his precious little son's been doing.
DOOR OPENS SASHA: I can't be long.
I'm making your dad a lasagne.
I can deffo sell the laptop and the telly.
You better have a very good explanation, that's all I can say.
I'm sorry, but I...
Yeah, well, feast your eyes.
they clearly imagined that you'd had everything stolen.
-The police said it was a professional job.
-I always wanted a yoghurt maker.
-Remove this junk, mm-hmm?
I never knew Dexter was part of it.
And what if you get caught?
The kids could get taken into care.
They're not coming to any harm...
apart from Dexter, and that's going to stop.
All of it is!
It's a good thing I found out.
We may as well sell the rest of it.
Waste not want not, babe.
Where are you taking him?
You're not going to go crying to your care workers now, are you?
This is family stuff.
Get out of my way.
You heard her.
We've no choice.
We have to call the police.
Don't get Dexter involved, because the police would charge him, too.
But he's a child.
If he was put under any kind of pressure, they'll understand that.
What about Bailey?
Roddy said if he snitched, he'd go down with him.
Call the police, Sasha.
See? It wasn't us who robbed you.
Pf! And you're expecting an apology?
Well, we hoped we could draw a line.
Twice we've had trespassers on our property,
broken glass on the floor,
grubby fingers all over our personal possessions.
If I find any of you within ten yards of this house,
I'll apply for a restraining order!
Come on, let's go.
Could you give this to Billie and Toni?
-My aunt left it to them in her will.
I think she's ugly, but she might be worth something to them.
If you're sure.
They were kind to her and it's what she wanted.
I had to tell them, Mum.
It was Roddy who sucked me in.
Kev's here. Roddy's been bailed.
Oi, I want you where I can see you.
Why don't you come through here?
Eh, come here, love.
It's OK, I've been here before.
Roddy will have to face up to what he's done and accept his punishment.
I'm just sorry he involved you and Dexter.
Did you tell the police anything about me?
So, you've been charged, then?
I'm in Magistrates' Court tomorrow. Five counts of burglary,
-so cheers for that.
-Yeah, you knew the risks.
They won't accept you in America with a criminal record.
But, oh, that's OK, because football's for losers, right?
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
No, it's your dad I feel sorry for. He was so proud of you.
Well, you go, then. Take this stupid college place.
It's already paid for.
It cost him thousands of dollars, he had to cash in his life savings.
All wasted on you.
But Bailey going, that's the best idea you've had in weeks.
Dad...I wasn't serious.
But I was.
There's an interview online,
and they'll need a reference from the academy.
-You deserve it, Bailey.
Much more than my son right now.
Janet had mentioned she'd given you our family heirloom.
Obviously, she's far too precious for little girls,
such as yourselves, to play with,
so how about I swap you for these?
Mr Umbleby, are you spying?
No, I was just...
If he wants her back, she's worth lots of moolah.
-Harriet is ours now.
KNOCK AT DOOR Bailey, America!
-He says he's spoken to you about it before.
Well, after the lucky escape you just had....
That could have ruined your future.
Yeah, I'm not interested, Mike.
-Give me one good reason.
-Well, plane fare, for a start.
-I haven't got a passport.
And how am I going to see my social worker 4,000 miles away?
And I've got to look out for Dexter now.
He might not even be staying.
Yeah, they're just going to bung him in a foster home.
I mean, that's clever.
He's only going to come running back.
-We're talking about you, here.
-There's nothing to talk about.
This is different to the academy. They're not going to drop you.
This is massive, I get that...
because you're putting yourself out there,
getting yourself back in the game,
but anything that's worth doing is going to come with a risk.
I'm not into footie no more, Mike.
HE CHUCKLES You could've fooled me!
I watched you coaching on the park.
It's like you'd come home.
Look, see... you're just trying to get rid of me.
Yeah... You've done your time here.
You've changed from the young hothead
who smashed the telly and ran off with his dad
to the person that Dexter came looking to for help.
You fought his corner
and you didn't quit till he was safe.
So, this is your turn now
To grab the chance and go where it takes you,
the chance to prove what an extraordinary young man you are.
Guess who got a voluntary care order?
I'm moving in!
Yeah, for a week! Until his next planning meeting.
-Am I sharing with Sasha?
But...what about the police?
I got a caution
and a youth-offending worker called Roxy,
with a motorbike and a tattoo.
Your dad's going to transfer us the airfare,
and he says if I don't get you to go, he's going to kill me.
Come on, Bailey.
We can fast-track your passport.
Your social worker thinks it's a great opportunity.
I'm not leaving Mischief.
-We'll keep him here.
-That's my dog.
I promised I'd always look after him.
Mischief can go, too. They take dogs on planes.
That's going to be another £800.
My dad can't afford that.
We sent a photo of Harriet to a doll collector.
She could be worth £700.
MAY-LI: And you'd just give that to Bailey? Are you sure?
Yeah. Mischief would miss him too much.
We can make the hundred ourselves, easy.
So the only thing stopping you...is you.
'Hello, mate. How's it going?
'I ain't seen you since you got dropped.
'I'm not in the league.
'Of course you're not, you're a loser.'
'Take this stupid college place.
'He keeps going on about what a natural talent you are.'
'This is your time now.
'To grab the chance and go where it takes you.'
'The only thing stopping you...
Passport Office and back in record time.
-Come on, boy.
Phone us when you land.
From all of us.
Mike and I clubbed together.
We can't have any American showing you up now, eh?
We sure can't.
Come on, let's go. You're going to miss that plane.
-# We love you Bailey, we do
# We love you Bailey, we do
# We love you Bailey, we do
# Oh, Bailey, we love you! #
# Under the sea
# Under the sea
# Where are you now?
Don't forget us, will you?
# I'm fading
# I'm fading
ALL: Bye, Bailey! Bye!
# So lost, I'm fading. #