Episode 12 The Johnny & Inel Show

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes

# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

# As Mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing!"

# Now we've got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be out to see me

# Get set cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well as you can tell

# So here comes the show with Johnny and Inel. #

This is amazing! You can all go to lunch early.

Oh my goodie, goodie gosh, sir!

I swear though, all the stuff that you lot teach us

is not used in the real world. Innit?

Argh! Chewing gum, crisp packets, drink cartons, give me your power!

Argh!

# Cos I'd move mountains if you asked me to

# I'd swim the seven seas

# I'll be the one... #

Oh! Did you see that?!

This really is sick!

LAUGHTER

-That looked like it hurt!

-Shhh! Inel?

You're so loud! I'm trying to prepare for the show.

Boom! Oh my gosh! Like this video.

Inel - what did I just say?

LAUGHTER

Can I get rewind?! Yes!

Oh! Medic! Medic!

Oh, this is even better!

-You're going to pay for this, Inel!

-Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It was an accident. Honest, it was an accident. A funny accident!

I really hate you right now, Inel!

I hate you more than mayonnaise. And I really hate mayonnaise.

I'm going to get you back for this, Inel. You just wait!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, guys. And welcome to The Johnny & Inel Show.

-Hey, everybody.

-Come on, Johnny. What's the matter, man?

Why have you got a neck brace on.

-You broke my body, Inel!

-Please! You fell on the super-soft sofa!

Listen, you can't take a chance with these good looks. Safety first.

-Whatever.

-Let's just crack on with Greet Of The Week anyway.

-Oh, yeah.

-First, I need my lucky beanie hat, make it official.

-Yeah, you do.

-I do.

-Go on. Go and grab it.

-I'm getting it now.

-Go and grab that one.

-Yeah, it's a good one, isn't it?

-It's official now. Let's do this.

LAUGHTER

I got you good! I got you good!

You look ridiculous. And I don't think I need this any more.

Whatever, whatever.

I got you back better. And mine was accidental.

Please! I'm sure the legions of Johnny fans

-know who the real winner of that prank duel was.

-Oh yeah?

Well, let's ask them then. Who's prank was better - mine or Johnny's?

-Oh, well done, guys.

-No, look - they've got theirs up.

A tie!

No, this can't be right. I think a lot of these guys got confused.

They thought you said, "Who looks the most ridiculous?"

So they voted for you.

Please, please! You know what? There's only one way to settle this.

A Prank Off!

KLAXON SOUNDS

LAUGHTER

Right, OK, guys. Mr Martin here,

a very good-looking man with a wonderful physique...

His muscles. Right, sorry, Mr Martin here has bought 40 apples.

And 13 of his apples have gone rotten.

How many good apples would Mr Martin have left?

Sir? I've been thinking about this problem, yeah? Analysed it, yeah?

And I've come to the conclusion, yeah?

That Mr Martin is addicted to apples, sir. He's addicted. Addicted.

-He's addicted, innit?

-What are you even saying?

He's right though, sir. I mean, come on, who buys like 40 apples though?

This question is not like real life.

I swear down, all the stuff that you lot teach us

is not used in the real world, innit?

Exactly. That's what I'm saying, sir. Like man's got 27 OK apples.

Fair enough. Man's also got 13 rotten apples.

What, and man's going to be cool with that? No! No!

If I was Mr Martin, yeah, sir? Get this, get this, yeah? Get this.

If I had 13 rotten apples, yeah?

I'd eat them 13 apples that are going off first.

That's what mans do in the real world, you get me, sir?

What did you just say?

I said, as if man's going to be happy with 27 OK apples

and 13 rotten apples. That's 40 apples, sir.

'Oh, my.

'I've actually taught them something.

'I've succeeded in teaching them arithmetic.

'I've finally connected with them.'

You did it, class!

You actually learnt something! This is amazing!

-You can all go to lunch early.

-Oh my goodie, goodie gosh, sir.

Are you being serious, sir?

This is not like that time you took us on a field trip

and then you just took us to a field, is it?

No, this is, this is for real. You can all go on lunch early.

Oh, and, Robbie? Catch!

-Hey, sir - this apple's rotten.

-That's the real world for you.

Hello, is that Inel's mum? Hiya, Althea, how are you doing?

Right, yeah.

Well I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you this,

but are you sitting down? Cos it's deadly serious.

Yeah, it's Inel, you see. He's been saying rude words.

Oh no, much worse than that one. Oh, yeah.

He's literally been going through the entire alphabet of rude words.

I mean, he even called me a 'Z' and a 'H'.

Yeah. No, well, you know, I don't know what you want to do about it.

But, hopefully something.

Look, I've got to go actually because someone's coming.

OK, speak to you later. Bye, bye!

Are you all right, Johnny?

-Hiya, mate.

-Are you ready to do the show?

-Yeah, I'm always ready.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello, and welcome to The Johnny & Inel Show!

Oh, what's this? Fan mail, mid-show?

Oh, Johnny, come on, we've got a show to do.

-Can't you read your letters later?

-Oi, just cos you never get fan mail.

Right, what does this say?

"Dear Johnny, you have just won an award for being the best person,

"best looking, funniest and most coolest person

"in the entire galaxy!"

-This needs a moment.

-Oh, please, let me have a look at that.

-Don't!

-Just pass it.

-No! Do not try and ruin this.

This is the best moment of my life.

I would just like to thank the legions and legions of

Johnny's fans out there.

Without you, none of this is worthwhile, OK? Thank you so much.

I just...

LAUGHTER

Have a look!

Can you stop ruining this moment for me!

Did you see who that letter was signed from?

Yeah, well. "Best looking, funniest,

"most coolest person in the entire galaxy.

"Yours sincerely, Vincent Von Smelly Head."

How do you do?

Oh, I got you good. Oh, that was easy!

I didn't have to put much thought into that one.

-You have gone too far this time, Inel.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

-Inel?

-Oh, yeah, yeah?

-It's your mum. She says it urgent.

Oh, OK. Hello, Mum?

No, Mum. No, Mummy. No, no, no, he's just saying that.

No, he's just saying that! No, he's just trying to get me in trouble. No!

Honest, Mum! You know what Johnny is like.

No, Mummy! No!

Mummy, no! You don't believe me!

LAUGHTER

KLAXON SOUNDS

I got you good! Yeah! Did your mummy ring you up and make you cry?

It's not funny, Johnny. My mum thinks I'm a bad boy now.

Yeah, well you played with my emotions as well.

Fine, you know what? Let's see what the audience think.

-Well, who won this prank off, guys?

-I don't believe it. Another tie.

On to the next prank. Game on!

-Hi. I'm Boris Horis.

-And I'm Norris Glorris.

And welcome to the J&I News Network. Our top story today.

TV hosts Johnny Cochrane and Inel Tomlinson

have been pranking one another for comedic effect,

while getting the audience to vote on who they believe the winner is.

The vote currently stands at a 50-50 split,

and we know that the next prank

could lead the audience's vote in either direction.

Of course, here on the J&I News Network, we're far too professional

to indulge in such childish pranks.

Absolutely, Boris, because everyone who watches this programme

knows that if we were to play such pranks,

that I would run crying to my mama.

Oh, mama, mama, I love you, mama. I really need you, mama, mama.

Boris, did you change my autocue?

I did indeed, Norris.

LAUGHTER

-Absolutely disgraceful.

-Where's your sense of humour?

FUNKY MUSIC

I didn't know you were interested in cooking?

Oh yeah. Always.

-Well, it's the super bake-off today.

-Yeah, it is.

-What are you cooking?

-Me? Well, I'm cooking...sponge cake.

-Sponge cake?

-Mm, Victoria sponge.

Victoria sponge? Went for the easy option, I see.

Something like that. So, what are you cooking?

-What am I cooking?

-What are you cooking?

-I'm cooking...

-Souffle.

-Souffle?

-Souffle.

No. Wow! Jamie Oliver eat your heart out, eh?

I'll tell you, I can't wait to see that.

Who'd do this? Who did this to me?

It was my first attempt! Sabotage!

Hold it down, Regan? People are staring.

-The perpetrator must still be in this room.

-How do you know?

The bell hasn't gone yet.

-Mm. Motive?

-They know I like Miss McGoor.

I wanted to impress her.

Had to stop me, no matter what the cost.

-Method?

-Waited till my back was turned,

and then turned off the cooker.

-When I get my hands on them...

-All right, Regan! Calm it down.

You're bigger than this, eh? Yeah?

-Ah!

-Yeah.

-Mm.

Very good, Carter. Very good.

Thank you, Mrs McGoo-oor.

Mm...

Nevermind, Regan.

It was you that did this, didn't it, Carter?

You did this to my souffle! Admit it, Carter! Admit it!

Carter! Carter!

Bosh!

LAUGHTER

Woh! That's getting a re-tweet. Re-tweet! Another one!

I don't believe it!

SINGING

Let's see him survive in there.

He'll suffocate himself on his own fumes.

Time for lunch!

What have we got here then?

Someone's been given a giant ice cream sundae,

but I'm not sure who it's for.

Let's have a look then, eh?

"This is for all your hard work on the show,

"love from your biggest fan."

Well, that could be anyone.

I think it's obvious who it's for.

Eh? "All your hard work on the show?"

"Biggest fan?" Who's got the most fans?

It's obviously me. I think I'll tuck in.

-Mayonnaise!

-KLAXON

INSIDE: Ah! Oh, is that you, Johnny? Ha-ha-ha!

Hold on, I'll be out in a second.

Oh, Johnny. If you needed to go you should have said.

Oh, OK.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Bit too many ice creams, eh, Johnny?

I think I won this one. JOHNNY RETCHES

Wouldn't you say, Johnny? Ha-ha-ha-ha!

..a kid got dumped in the trash. That kid discovered he had powers.

Powers of the waste!

The thrilling adventures of... Wasteman!

Vacuum...spinning too fast.

Too strong...

Cleaning up waste...

HE SOBS

I'm sorry, bear-bears. I thought I could protect you.

But after what I saw Omar Days do to poor Barry,

I realised I can't.

I can't!

HE SOBS

Wasteman's gone.

Time to clean my act up.

Time to make peace with the broom.

Wasteman, you must believe in yourself.

You are the master of the waste.

You can mess anyone or anything up.

Remember the strength of the waste?

You must remember where your power comes from.

Who are you?

They call me King Bin, and I can help you.

Use me to get your strength back.

Argh!

Chewing gum, crisp packets, drinks cartons -

give me your power!

It's time to get yourself together, Bearman.

We've got one heck of a fight on our hands

and I need you with me.

I'm sorry, Wasteman. I just can't do it anymore.

I've just got bear problems.

No, Bearman. In my time as a superhero,

I have never known anyone with bear strength,

bear bravery, and even bear claws.

Hold-up. Bear claws? I ain't got bear claws.

Well, you need to get those nails cut then, bruv,

-cos they are getting well long.

-Yeah?

Yeah, you're starting to look like Wolverine.

But, Bearman, it's time to pull yourself together.

Get the bear power running back through you.

We are taking Omar Days down.

Now, I'm going to be waiting outside.

Do what you need to do.

ROARING AND SNARLING

SHRILL ROARING

Do you have the bear power, Bearman?

What bear power?

You know, the power of the bear. That's why you were screaming.

Oh, no. I was screaming because one of the bears poked me in the eye.

I could barely see.

So you haven't been powering up?

Oh, I don't need to power up. I just had a word with Barry, right,

and he said that he wants one more battle with Omar Days.

-Barry?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's do this!

-Right!

HE CACKLES

Oh, that... That was such a good prank.

Such a good prank. We're going to have to see it again.

Replay. OK. There we go.

There's Johnny. Taking his first few mouthfuls of ice cream.

And if you actually slow it down, you can actually pinpoint

the exact moment that Johnny realises that it's mayonnaise.

Right...there.

LAUGHTER

Look how fast he gets out there! 2.5 seconds.

Magic. Simply magic.

Oh. That's funny. That's a lot of ginger beer.

-Where did you lot get all that ginger beer from?

-Why, me, of course.

The wonderful and generous Johnny Cochrane.

That's a big stash, innit? Where did you find this, uh...

-All these boxes, then?

-Well, it is a funny story.

There I was, wandering around your dressing room,

when I happened to stumble across your stash of ginger beer.

Oh, please, please, please.

It can't be my stash of ginger beer. I mean...

if it is mine, you need the PIN code to get in.

Oh, you wouldn't be meaning this PIN code, would you?

MIMICS BEEPING

MIMICS LOCKS OPENING

LAUGHTER

Oh, you... You're having a laugh. You didn't!

I think you'll find I did.

I think that deserves a "cheers", guys. Cheers.

-Right, let's see who won this round.

-Oh, that's not fair. Oh, man.

It's unanimous.

Oh, what's going on, peeps?

Ever been listening to your mum and dad talking

and they say a word that you've never heard of before?

You know when they're going on and on and on and on

and on at the school gates? Does that ring-a-ding-a-ding a bell?

Basically, welcome to a magazine of what adults say.

I'm just going to let you know what they are going on about, innit?

This is called a record.

Also known as vinyul.

Vinyul. Vinyl. Final.

Basically, yeah, if you wanted to listen to music

before iPods and smartphones, you use this.

But get this - you can't even shuffle the tracks.

SHE SUCKS HER TEETH

I know! And it only holds ten tracks.

What a bump - bump - bump!

Also, get this. A fax.

What's a fax? A fax, what's that?

Some sort of animal? And then we've got a cheque. Cheque?

What, I write moneys on it and then you believe me? That's silly.

Silly. I'm done.

I said laters! Shoo. Off you go. Done now, see you later.

Bye. See ya.

Yes, another achievement unlocked. Ha-ha!

-DIRECTOR:

-Cut there.

Can I get a water to quench my first?

Then back to the acting. My scene's up first.

Ah! Amazing rhymes, bruv.

You just keep producing again and again!

See you later.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to the show.

And now it's time to find out who you guys thought

were the best prankers overall.

Although, that mayo one shouldn't even count.

-I nearly died back there.

-Well, that ginger beer one

-shouldn't have counted then.

-Well, let's just let

-the audience decide, shall we?

-Yeah, and the loser gets a pie to the face.

LAUGHTER

-Well, come on, then.

-Well, who's the best pranker?

-ALL:

-We are!

Oh...

Well... Well at least it's not as bad as mayo.

Nothing is as bad as mayo.

Till next time, we are going to keep making it look good.

The only way Johnny and Inel could. Uh-huh!

And to play us out, here's Amy MacDonald.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# I've never felt like this before

# Try to hold it back And I feel it even more

# Sweat drips down my spine And my knees are weak

# I cannot move, I cannot speak

# But then you came And I held it together again

# I managed to stumble through

# 50,000 voices singing in the rain

# There's nothing that I wouldn't do

# Cos I'd move mountains If you asked me to

# I'd swim the seven seas

# I'll be the one To hold your torch again

# I'll do anything you ask of me

# Cos I'd move mountains If you asked me to

# I'd swim the seven seas

# I'll be the one to hold Your torch again

# I'll do anything you ask of me

# I never knew how proud I would feel

# Just standing in the rain

# These three words mean Everything to me

# And I'll sing them again and again

# Cos I'd move mountains If you asked me to

# I'd swim the seven seas

# I'll be the one to hold Your torch again

# I'll do anything you ask of me

# Well the blue and the white Of the flag shines bright

# And it's blowing there for me

# With my hand on my heart The honest truth

# There's nowhere I'd rather be

# Cos I'd move mountains If you asked me to

# I'd swim the seven seas

# I'll be the one to hold Your torch again

# I'll do anything you ask of me

# Cos I'd move mountains If you ask me to

# I'd swim the seven seas

# I'll be the one to hold Your torch again

# I'll do anything you ask of me. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd