Episode 6 The Johnny & Inel Show

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

# Mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing!"

# Now we got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

# It's sick cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well, as you can tell

-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-# And Inel. #

Hold up! You can't call security on me!

You're looking well dodge. I might have to call the police!

Hello, police! Yeah, I've got a well dodgy man in here.

Yeah, he's well dod-dod-dod-dod-dodgy.

That's it from us this morning, we, of course, will be

back tomorrow, bye bye.

-Who are you?

-I'm Johnnie Cochrane.

-I'm Inel Tomlinson.

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny Johnny! #

-Hello and welcome to The Johnny and Inel Show.

-Haha!

We thought we'd show you how we travel in style to the studio.

On the tram.

Yeah, well the tram that takes us to the CBBC headquarters.

And the moment we get off, we just get mobbed by our fans,

you know, wanting photos and autographs.

Oh, yes, especially today, as it's a special episode.

So, you know, there's going to be EVEN more fans than usual.

We're not going to reveal all the secrets of the episode now

though, no. First, we've got to deal with the fans. Oh, this is us.

Better get off.

-BOTH:

-Ta-dah!

-Hoohoo!

-Excuse me, please.

-Oh, what is it, mate? Want an autograph, do you?

-Inel, sort him out.

-No, actually, I want to clean that spot.

-Can you guys move?

-Yeah, all right, we're going, we're going.

Pretending like you don't know who we are!

THEY LAUGH

You know, sometimes

I can't believe that's where we do our show from.

-Right up there.

-Yeah, the penthouse. No other place for us, really.

-No.

-Easy, guv! What's happening, brother?!

-Hold tight, Jacob.

I sees ya! Haha! Morning, Mavis, looking lovely as usual.

-Not a day over 21!

-What?!

-Yeah, you know!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray! Ray! Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

-Ray!

THEY BEAT BOX

-This way, yeah?

-Cheers. Nice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the lift! Hold the lift!

I don't think we're going to get there in time, at this rate.

No, no, we should be all right. We still got a couple of minutes.

-To be fair, the show can't start without us.

-No.

-Johnny and Inel Show. I'm Johnny.

-And I'm Inel.

THEY LAUGH

LIFT PINGS

Right.

CHEESY LIFT MUSIC PLAYS

THEY SNIFF

-Bleurgh.

-Urgh!

-Well, it weren't me!

-Whoever smelt it dealt it.

-Hey! It wasn't me!

-Oh, oh!

-I'm running out of air! I can't take it any more!

-Open the door! OPEN IT!

-I'M TRYING! I'M TRYING!

ALARM BELL RINGS

ANNOUNCER: This lift is broken. This lift is broken.

-Uh-oh!

-What have you done now?!

I don't know! I don't know!

-I'm going to faint! I can't take this! Help!

-Help!

-BANGING ON THE DOORS

-Somebody call my mum!

Arrrgh!

THEY COUGH AND GASP

You don't want to go in there! It's a death trap!

-Have you broken the lift?!

-My life flashed before my eyes!

-Take the stairs!

-You've got to lock that off.

-Oh, it's dangerous, that.

Johnny, Inel, one minute to show time!

I wonder where they are!

I'd better tell the producer.

Right, so today, class, we're going to be doing a role-play.

-Blondie, if you'd like to join me at the front.

-Oh, my gosh!

-Thank you.

Right, so today,

Blondie will be playing the role of the shop assistant, and I will be

playing the role of the customer who is trying to return something. OK?

Ready? Right. Hello, there. I would like to return this, please.

-IN A GIRLY VOICE:

-Er, no returns.

-But you don't know what it is yet.

-I do, because this is a TV shop. Duh!

-All right. A TV shop. OK.

Well, luckily, I want to return a TV.

Oh, you can't, we're closed, it's lunchtime.

You probably should have closed the door then!

I think you'll find I did, so, security!

Can you get this man out of here, please?! Thank you!

-Hold up, you can't call security on me!

-I think I can.

You're looking well dodge. I might have to call the police!

Hello, police! Yeah, I've got a well dodgy man in here.

Yeah, he's well dod-dod-dod-dod-dodgy.

Right, OK, I think you're being a bit hasty, madam.

Look, I would just like to return this, please. Here's my receipt.

Oh, you're out of warranty.

-Give me that! Right, I want to speak to your supervisor!

-Fine!

You can speak to my supervisor! I'm going to go get him.

Good.

-IN A DEEP, MANLY VOICE:

-Hey, I'm the supervisor, what's going on?

-Erm... I'd just like to return this TV, please.

-What TV?

-This TV.

-I don't see no TV.

-Well, this, it's a 32-inch plasma, HD ready.

-DEEP VOICE:

-Look, mate, you'll just have to come out of the shop,

so you have to come out of the store. Out of the shop!

Get out of the shop! I said, get out of the shop!

-What are you still doing here? GO! GO!

-What's going on?

-IN A GIRLY VOICE:

-Thank you! It's a role-play. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

APPLAUSE

-MOBILE RINGS

-Hello.

No, it's just that we had some troubles with the lift, that's all.

Aww! We've got 30 seconds before we've got to be in the studio!

BOTH: Aaarrrgh!

THEME TUNE PLAYS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

THEME TUNE PLAYS

THEME TUNE SLOWS DOWN AND STOPS

BELL RINGS

Ahem, er, this is your studio manager.

Inel and Johnny will be with you shortly.

EERIE BREEZE BLOWS Please remain seated.

Hi, and welcome to the J&I News Network.

Our top story today, host's Johnnie Cochrane

and Inel Tomlinson are late for their own show.

Due to a lift malfunction, their top floor studio remains

inaccessible, unless they find another route.

You'd never find us being late for our own show, hey, Norris?

Not even if there was an earthquake. We'd still be there reporting it.

-Even with the roof caving in on us.

-We would?

-We would.

Well, that's all the news for today.

-Tune in next time, with me, Boris Horris.

-And me, Norris Glorris.

-Tah-tah.

-Bye.

-You all right, fellas?

-No, Barney, we're not.

-We're not.

We've got to get to the top of the building.

-If we don't get there on time, we'll miss our show!

-You're in luck.

I've got an app for that. It's brilliant. It takes your foot,

times it by the length of your leg,

spread that across the distance you want to walk,

and it works out exactly how long it will take to get to the studio.

That's great, Barney, but we're in a rush.

I've got another, this is genius. You take a picture of your mate,

and you can swap his nose for the nose of an animal,

-and it makes you actually sounds like that animal!

-Oh, that is, aw...

-Do me, do me!

-OK. Ready? Hey, you're a koala bear!

-That's awesome!

-Come on, we're going to be late!

You could always use the secret staircase. No-one knows about it.

Straight down the corridor, take a left, a right,

go back on yourself and go forward six.

Two the left, two to the right down the stairs, can't miss it.

-Two to the left?

-Yeah. All right?

-Got it.

-Cheers, Barney.

Careful you don't pass it on the staircase, yeah?!

BARNEY ECHOING: 'Go to the end of the corridor. Turn right.'

-Which way did he say?

-Go right.

-I swear he said right.

-Go left.

-No, no, I think he said to left.

-Down the stairs.

-Let's go that way.

-I think it's this way.

-No, he said this way, this way.

-We're going round in circles.

-All right, it's through this way.

That's it from us this morning. We will be back tomorrow at 6:00.

-See you then, have a great day, thanks for watching.

-Bye bye.

BREAKFAST THEME PLAYS

-Who are they?

-Who are you?

-I'm Johnny Cochrane.

I'm Inel Tomlinson.

Hi, guys, I'm really sorry, but we've just finished,

-and what are you doing here?

-Well, what do you want to ask us?

-Lou?

-Yeah.

-You keep them talking.

-OK.

-I'll call security.

-Jim, we need someone in here NOW.

-What are you doing?

-He's getting security?

-Security, now.

-No, no.

-Let's get out of here.

No, they're trying to treat us like Z-list celebrities, no,

we're not having that! Completely unacceptable!

I thought we had a connection!

I didn't even get his name. Who on Earth were they?

-Do you recognise them?

-I have no idea who that was.

-I think he said his name was Johnny or something. Any clues?

-Mystery.

Oh, where is this lift?! Barney said it wouldn't even be this far!

Barney said it was going to be right here!

I tell you what, I'm going to go downstairs,

see if we've missed a turning by the newsroom.

You wait here. You wait here.

HE SIGHS

Oh, I'm not waiting here.

Oh, Blue Peter! I've always wanted a Blue Peter badge.

HE LAUGHS

BLUE PETER THEME TUNE PLAYS

Oh, nice! Look at this! Hahaha! Blue Peter!

Nice. Nice. Oh, Barney. Oh, Barney!

I didn't know you were here. Jump up here, man.

Come up here. Take a seat! Haha!

See if there's any Blue Peter badge in here for me. Hehehey! Hiya!

I'm Barney. And welcome to a special edition of Blue Peter.

HE LAUGHS

No. All right. Oh, oh, oh. Awww. Eh?

-IN A GIRLY VOICE:

-Hiya! I'm Helen.

Will Johnny and Inel get to their show on time?

Stay tuned and find out.

HE LAUGHS

Fine. Don't like my comedy. Fine.

Oh, there must be a Blue Peter badge around here somewhere. Oh! Barney!

Why didn't you say you had one, mate?!

Let me just borrow this from under here. Yes. That's it.

Let me just get it off.

-GROWLING

-No. Don't wrestle.

Just give it to me. You're a dog.

-BARNEY GROWLS

-You don't need one. Come on. Just... Come on.

-Inel!

BARNEY BARKS

What are you doing?! Why has Barney gone flying across the studio?

-Er, to get one of these.

-You've just launched a dog for a badge.

-Oh, it was worth it.

-Listen, we're late for our show. Come on.

I've found the right route. Let's go.

BLUE PETER THEME PLAYS

EERIE BREEZE BLOWS

BELL RINGS Ahem. This is the studio manager.

Mr Inel and Mr Johnny are currently making final adjustments

to their scripts and will be with you shortly.

Thank you. BELL RINGS

-Where is it?

-Try the next left.

Aha! It must be through here.

-Oh! Look at this!

-Wow!

-Oh, yeah, this is a bit of me.

-Oh, look.

-Look at these.

Heeheehee!

You, at the back, I need bigger horns. Fatter violins.

A little bit of base. Oh, don't forget the triangle.

# La, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la. #

MAN TUNES HIS VIOLIN

INSTRUMENTS ALL PLAY OUT OF TUNE

-Erm... Excuse me? That's my chair.

-Yeah, I got here first.

-You'll just have to stand, I'm really sorry.

-I'm staying here.

If you want to sit down, you need to go sit over there.

-So, you want me to sit there.

-Yeah.

Well, excuse me, while I just take the music.

How am I supposed to play without music?!

-You can follow my music if you really want to.

-What page are we on?

-One.

-Sweet.

ORCHESTRA PLAYS

-We've got work to do.

-All right, mate!

I thought I was doing quite a good job, actually.

Not bad, but we've got work to do.

ORCHESTRA PLAYS BEETHOVEN

HE PLAYS BEETHOVEN

-Excuse me?

-Sorry, was that out of time?

It's not quite the right instrument.

-It was the right notes though, right?

-Yeah.

-Sweet.

-Yes, not bad.

-Yeah.

-Hey, I've got one you might know.

# Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny!

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!

# Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny!

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!

# Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny!

-ORCHESTRA JOINS IN

-# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!

# Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny!

# Johnnyyyyyyyyyyyyy! #

-CHEERING

-Cheers, guys. Absolutely lovely. Cheers. Come on, Inel.

-OK.

-Yeah, our work's done.

-Sorry!

-Cheers, guys.

See you later, BBC Philharmonic Orchestra!

HE LAUGHS # Aw, aw, aw, aw La, la, la, la, la! #

-How good was that?!

-That was awesome.

The BBC Philharmonic Orchestra! I got to show them some real music.

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! #

-Oh, they got to hear some real music too, you know what I mean?

-HE PLAYS BEETHOVEN

Oh, no! We've missed like half the show! We've got to go!

APPLAUSE

On today's Johnny Kyle Show, we have the Big Bad Wolf.

He tells us he'd never damage anyone else's property.

And has a completely pig-free diet.

The Big Bad Wolf, guys, the Big Bad Wolf.

-THEY BOO

-Oh, come on.

Hello, welcome to the show.

It says here that you have not only blown down two houses,

but also eaten two of the pigs inside.

If you let me start off by saying, those pigs

built their houses right in the middle of a wolf pack community.

I knocked on their doors, and I asked them kindly to let me in.

For a quick chat.

-And when they said no, you blew their houses down and ate them.

-No!

You've got it wrong.

Everybody is always quick to blame the wolf when something goes wrong.

Every time.

It's oh, it's the wolf, it's the wolf, wolf,

-everybody crying wolf!

-Don't you dare shout at me.

This is the Johnny Kyle show.

-I am the only one who does the shouting around here.

-AUDIENCE CHANTING

Now, I've got a little letter here from the eldest of the three pigs.

And he says, "Dear Johnny Kyle.

"The Big Bad Wolf is definitely not to be trusted."

-Well, he would say that, wouldn't he?

-"He's vindictive. Manipulative.

-"And conniving."

-Big words for a pig!

"He ate my brothers and he'd eat me too

-"if given half the chance."

-Hardly. I'm a vegan.

"I wouldn't trust him

"to look after the mud on the bottom of my trotters.

"No way, not any day, not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin."

-Nonsense, all of it.

-AUDIENCE GROANS

-You going to pass this test today, are you?

-Of course I am!

-So, here are the lie detector results, guys.

-Right.

We asked the Big Bad Wolf, did you huff and puff

and blow down the houses that belong to two of the three little pigs?

The wolf said no.

-He was telling the truth!

-GASPING

APPLAUSE

You're right. Told you.

Not so big and bad after all, am I?

-Please accept my deepest apologies!

-It's fine.

It wasn't your fault, I mean after all,

I'm just happy that I cleared my name.

Guys, please show your appreciation for the Big KIND Wolf.

CHEERING

WOLF COUGHS AND CHOKES

AUDIENCE GASPS

What IS this?!

"Little Red Riding Hood."

You make me sick.

Get him out of there!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, now he's done, who's next?

-Have you seen them?

-I have no idea where they are.

-This is taking...

-We've got to go soon. I left the heating on.

-I know.

We came ALL the way here to do this and they're not even here.

-Maybe they're lost.

-Do you reckon?

Yeah, maybe they got lost in Johnny's hair, something like that.

-Oh, I'm exhausted, Inel, I need a rest.

-Oh, tell me about it.

Got to find somewhere, mate.

-Oh, look at this, Inel.

-Oh, oh.

-Yeah, this is a bit of me.

-See the screen?!

-Wow! Yeah, this is, look at this.

-Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, look, look, look. Very important paperwork.

THEY LAUGH

-Oh, this really says Johnny and Inel.

-You know what?

We need to get one of these offices.

-We need to talk to someone and get one of these.

-Tell me about it.

We really need a place like this. This is us.

-Can I help?

-Yeah, you can, actually.

We were just saying that we really like the office,

so, yeah, we want it.

-That would be great.

-If you had it, then I wouldn't have an office.

Right.

But we are a pretty big deals around here, so, we could have a

-word with someone, get you a little room somewhere.

-Oh, yeah.

We've got connections, don't worry. Connections.

So, what's your name then, mate, and I'll have a word with someone.

I'm Joe and I'm the head of CBBC. THEY LAUGH

-And I'm King Johnny III!

-That's funny, Joe. Head of CBBC.

-Seriously, who are you?

-Joe, and I'm the head of CBBC.

Joe, the head of CBBC? So, that would make you

-our...

-BOTH:

-Our boss.

Correct.

THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY

-Hiya! We're jokers! That's what we do.

-Always doing it.

-Joking.

-24/7.

That's what I was doing. I knew you were coming, so I thought,

I'd clean your desk, you know. With my shoes.

-They call me Johnny clean-shoes.

-Paperwork all sorted.

Nice, clean desk.

I could eat my dinner off that. If you'd let me. Look at that seat.

-Everything in order, how you left it.

-Thank you very much.

-Boss.

-Big boss.

-The boss man. See you, Boss.

-See you.

-Goodbye.

-Take care, Boss.

-The biggety, biggety, biggety boss!

-Bye, Boss.

-Goodbye.

Oh, no, that's the end of our careers. What have you done, Inel?

-It wasn't me. It was you!

-We'll never work here again.

-Let's just go for it.

-All right, their loss, their loss.

What's up, we're Lillygreen & Maguire, this is our song,

One More Time.

# Last night

# Was it the best or worst of your life?

# Never again

# It's not happening tonight

# At least that's what we say in the morning

# Do we do it one more time?

# Here we go

# Turn it up

# Because every night we get on it

# You can't deny it

# When the sun comes up, say goodbye

# Then get on it one more time

# Turn it up, go whoa, whoa, whoa

# Well whoa, whoa, whoa

# Honey, yeah

# One more time

# Here we go now, one more time Here we go now, one more time

# Here we go now, one more time

# Here we go now, one more time

# Here we go now, one more time

# Same excuses It's all right

# One more party, one more time

# Turn it up, cos every night we get on it

# You can't deny

# When the sun comes up we'll say goodbye

# Then get on it

# One more time

# Turn it up, go whoa, whoa, whoa

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# Party, one more time

# Turn it up, go whoa, whoa, whoa

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# Party, one more time. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

BELL RINGS

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the end of the show.

-Please leave by the side door. Thank you.

-Oh, no.

-No, wait!

-No, come back!

-No, guys, we're here! We're here! No, guys!

-Oh, no.

Oh, no! Oh! We missed our own show.

-Guys, sorry we're late.

-Sorry.

-Can you do it again for us?

What are you shaking their hands for? They were late.

They missed our show, man.

-It's nothing personal.

-Let's just get out of here.

Maybe next time, guys, yeah?

THEY SIGH

-It's just all gone wrong, Inel.

-It's not my fault!

-It's your fault!

-No, it's not!

Until next time, we're going to keep making it look good.

-The only way Johnny and Inel could.

-Hit the music.

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

# Mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing!"

# Now we got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

# It's sick cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well, as you can tell

-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-# And Inel. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd