Episode 8 The Johnny & Inel Show

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

# The sun's out shining I'd better stop rhyming

# As Mum's always telling me Fix up your timing!

# Now we've got a show on CBBC

# So all of my fans will be out to see me

# The time is here Now sit back, relax

# And get ready to cheer

# We're doing well As you can tell

# So here comes the show with Johnny and Inel. #

I know what will make Johnny feel happy, guys.

If we sing him the theme tune to the show.

Now you are talking my language!

# Inel, Inel, Inel, Inel

# Inel, Inel, Inel, Inel. #

What are you doing? Do you want to see me fly then, do you?

-Do you want to see me fly? You want to see me fly?

-Go on then.

Well, here we go.

-SHE SNORES Wake her up!

-I will kiss her.

Oh, no, you are not putting me through that again.

INEL SNORES

Inel!

INEL STOPS SNORING

INEL SNORES

SNORING STOPS

INEL SNORES

Inel. Inel!

Wake up. Inel!

-What is going on, Johnny? Are you good?

-Am I good?!

I have been kept awake all night by your incessant snoring!

We've got a show tomorrow and I need my sleep!

-Mate, you've got the wrong person. I don't snore.

-You don't snore?

Inel, you sound like a cat being strangled at the side of an airport!

Sorry, man. The last thing I want to do is sound like a cat being

strangled even if he is about to go on holiday, you know what I mean?

What?

No, the cat is not going on holiday! You sound like a cat being

strangled at the side of an airport when a plane is taking off!

What, like this?

Bing-bong! Passenger announcement. Passenger announcement.

Please do not leave unattended luggage.

IMITATES AEROPLANE

Miaow. Like that?

I don't care how it sounds. It is just not an issue.

I don't want to hear any more snoring!

Pinch your nose, stick your head in a bucket of water for all I care.

-No more snoring!

-All right, all right, Mr Grumpy Head.

Maybe you will feel better in the morning. Right.

Turn off the light, man.

INEL SNORES

ALARM BEEPS

HE LAUGHS

# What a day, what a day What a mighty fine day. #

Ha-ha! I can't wait!

We have got a wicked show today. Wicked! Come on, Johnny.

-Come on.

-No! No.

I haven't had a wink of sleep. You kept me up all night, Inel.

You are just being overdramatic, man.

It is going to be a wicked show. Woo-hoo!

We've got some wicked guests, got some awesome sketches. Come on, man.

-INEL GIGGLES

-Let's do this.

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Hey! Yeah!

Welcome to The Johnny & Inel Show, guys.

Now, first up, as usual, we've got our Greet Of The Week.

I have a really big and energetic one,

so you guys are going to love it.

You had better get ready, that's right. Johnny, are you ready?

-Johnny?

-Huh?

-Are you ready?

-Mm-mm.

Right. Everybody stand up. That's it.

What we are going to do, face your partners, first off.

Use your right shoulder,

you're going to bump right shoulders together.

Johnny. OK.

So we're going to go right shoulder, left shoulder and chest bump.

-Johnny. Johnny.

-Hmm?

You are not doing the greet that we practised, man.

-Why are you wearing those ridiculous glasses?

-These?

Yeah, the optician gave me these.

-You always said you don't need glasses.

-Well, I do now.

You are always banging on about having 2020 vision.

Mate, these are designer. All the celebs are wearing them.

Just take them off, man. Oh, now you're asleep.

Great(!) Thanks for embarrassing me, yeah?

I thought you was a bit more professional than that.

Please, Inel, don't question my professionalism.

Why don't you tell everybody what is coming up on the show today?

Well, we have got a guest.

No, we have got two guests, two brilliant guests, two magicians

from CBBC, Help! My Supply Teacher Is Magic,

Katherine and James!

Welcome to the show, guys. Good to see you. Awesome.

A lot of people, they start doing magic when they are young.

-When did you start doing magic?

-I started quite late.

I was 24, 25, but I got heavily into it straightaway

and started reading books and learning and practising

in front of a mirror, doing all that kind of stuff.

There is nothing wrong with a late developer, it is all good.

So, obviously, you two are magicians, but what are your favourite tricks?

My favourite trick that I recently just did,

I was levitated up into the air about ten foot, which was

amazing, and then all the children around me

kind of staring up at me, screaming. That was brilliant.

I told you this was going to be an uplifting lesson.

CHILDREN CHANT "OM"

Keep your omming, guys. That is brilliant. Keep your focus.

Make sure you are focused and you are breathing. That is brilliant.

It looks like she is holding herself up by those poles in midair,

but the trick is not over yet, Year Four.

Ommmmm...

And stop.

This is incredible

and they still don't suspect Katherine is a magician.

Now you can see what amazing things you can do.

Now, if you focus on me, I should be able to let go.

CHILDREN GASP

Look, no hands! Katherine is literally floating in midair.

Did you manage to clean the ceiling while you were up there?

Yes, that's exactly what I did.

-I did a bit of dusting and came back down again.

-And you, James?

We get to do all sorts of cool stuff for the show,

but if it is a magic trick that I have seen, it is

probably Penn and Teller's goldfish trick,

which they call The Miser's Dream, where Teller plucks

money from a woman he has on stage and at the end,

he produces about 100 goldfish in a bowl. It is amazing.

-The best trick I have ever seen by far.

-I could do with a new goldfish.

Guys, guys, give it up for Katherine and James.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-See you later.

Simply magic. Don't you think, Johnny?

Johnny? Johnny?

Johnny? OK. Er...

while I look for Johnny, I will see you guys after the next sketch.

On today's Johnny Kyle Show, we have Prince Phillip.

He demands, Princess Aurora, wake up!

You are sleeping through our marriage!

Let's get to the bottom of this, shall we? Prince Phillip, guys.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-There he is.

-I did not say stop clapping.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-You may be seated.

-I may be.

Good to have you on the show, Prince Phillip.

Why, thank you very much.

So, you told our researchers that you

-and Aurora used to have a fairytale marriage.

-Oh, yes, very much so.

Very much so. It was a lovely, lovely marriage. It was, yes.

We used to do everything together. Used to sing opera

to the young animals, you know,

attend magical balls - we went to one last Thursday.

Everything a young, happy, married couple does.

So why aren't you living happily ever after then?

Well, Aurora, she began to get quite distance, to the point

at which we felt like strangers in our own marriage.

I mean, it got so bad that whenever I tried to confront

her about what was on her mind, she would fall asleep.

How convenient(!)

Exactly.

You know, just to get away from me,

she used to sleep an average of 18 hours a day.

Doesn't show me any affection any more.

It doesn't take much to pay someone a compliment, does it?

-Pay me a compliment.

-You are very handsome.

-Thank you. See?

-Right.

So you thought you would get her out here on The Johnny Kyle Show

to finally confront her

and find out the secret that has been ruining your marriage?

Correct.

OK. Well, let's get her out here on the show, guys.

Welcome Sleeping Beauty to The Johnny Kyle Show.

This is what I have to put up with on a daily, daily basis.

AUDIENCE GROANS

-What is going on? Wake her up!

-Fine. I will kiss her.

SHE SNORES

-Oh, no. You are not putting me through that again.

-Frosty.

-Welcome to the show.

-Hi, Johnny. Love your show.

-Who doesn't? Anyway,

you've got a secret that you need to tell Phillip.

Well, the truth is, Johnny, I have never really loved Prince Phillip.

PRINCE PHILLIP GASPS

It was all too fast, Johnny.

On the Monday you kissed me. You broke the spell by Tuesday.

On Wednesday we were wed. I didn't even know your name till Thursday.

You are embarrassing me in public!

So you thought you would wait

until I am on The Johnny Kyle Show before you told me the truth, is it?

No matter about the brunch we had earlier,

you could have told me then. Oh, no.

What about the magical ball we was at last Thursday?

Oh, no, don't tell him then.

Wait until he is in front of the national public.

Yes, that is when I should tell him!

Oi! Maybe if you actually gave her a chance to speak,

she might actually tell you why! Now button it!

Thanks, Johnny.

AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!

-Tell me then.

-Fine. You really want to know?

I have been seeing someone else.

ALL GASP

FROG CROAKS

You what?!

You want to end our marriage

so you can go out with some simple-minded amphibian?

-He is a very well connected toad.

-Right, I am just about sick of you!

You swan out here thinking just because you have money,

you can buy everything!

Well, you cannot buy this princess cos she ain't for sale!

Now get him out of here!

No! I'm not going anywhere! I've got a bone to pick with you!

Don't you...

You can't afford this jacket! This jacket is worth...

Right. Now that's sorted, who's next?

-Hey, you haven't seen a guy with, you know, big...

-Johnny?

-That's it.

-He went that way, mate.

-Nice. Cheers, man.

Oh, Johnny, there you are, man!

We've got a show to do, what are you doing?

Oh, he's having a laugh! Close enough, I guess.

Once upon a time, a kid got dumped in the trash.

That kid discovered he had powers.

Powers of the waste!

The thrilling adventures of Wasteman!

# That's what I do... #

Oh, all right there, mate? Didn't know anybody lived here.

No, I live here.

Don't clean up!

Sure, sure? So who are you then?

I'm the resident superhero around here.

Why don't you give us a demonstration and fly around here?

A real superhero doesn't use his superpowers willy-nilly.

I get it, I get it. You're trying to have me on.

You're not really a superhero. You're a fake.

MAKES CHICKEN NOISES

MAKES CHICKEN NOISES

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it!

-Do you want to see me fly? Do you?

-I do.

-Do you want to see me fly?

Do you want to see me fly? Here it comes.

May the waste be with you!

Got to remember to bend my knees on landing.

Got to bend your knees, yeah.

MAKES CHICKEN NOISES

Hi, gamers. It's MadJimbo28 here, member of the KCC Guild

of World of Legions - The Shackles expansion pack.

And I'm Shotcaller007, European Pro Skate Champion 2.

Welcome to another episode of Super Game Reviewers!

That's right. Today, we're going to look at

the motion-controlled co-op Washing-up Campaign.

We're going to show you how it's done.

-That's right, game on!

-Game on!

Mad Jimbo is setting up the level here.

It's very important to configure your character

-to the levels that you're playing on.

-That's right!

Right away, you're going to want to unlock the scrubber

and the premium washing-up liquid

with the initiative points you've been saving up.

That will allow you to tackle those stubborn stains

and don't forget the level two drying-up cloth.

Oh, yes! That's needed! Let's get in!

Come on, we've got to go faster here!

These bowls are covered in dry cereal!

Uh-oh, it's the casserole dish!

-Just put it to one side, we'll come back to it later.

-Good thinking!

Nigel!

I'm up here, gosh!

-Hiya, Mrs Bond!

-Come on, Mad Jimbo, speed up!

Almost there!

Come on!

Yes, we done it!

-Yes!

-Nice!

And we unlocked the Suds Up achievement.

-And I got a new personal best!

-Yes!

-Nice!

That concludes another games review from Super Game Reviewers!

So remember, don't hate the players...

Hate the game!

Nigel, before I left, I said to do the washing-up.

-The kitchen is in a right old state.

-Mum!

I'm not going to do the washing up now, I'm exhausted!

She just doesn't get it!

SNORING

Hello and welcome to The Inel Show.

-What about Johnny?

-Don't worry about that.

It comes under the umbrella of Inel, keep out the rain and all that.

That's what I say.

Listen, it's called The Inel Show

because the kids are going to remember that.

-My name is unique. Johnny could be anyone.

-What?

Listen, I'd love to add Johnny, I really would,

but the kids love Inel and you've got to get the kids what they want.

No! This is like a nightmare!

It can't get any worse than this.

I know what will make Johnny feel happy, guys.

If we sing him the theme tune to the show.

Yeah, now you're talking my language.

# Inel, Inel, Inel, Inel

# Inel, Inel, Inel, Inel

# Inel, Inel, Inel, Inel

# Ah ah ah ah ah

# Inel, Inel, Inel, Inel... #

No! No! Nooo!

No! No! No! No!

Johnny, wake up! You're asleep.

You get away from me, you! I know what you're trying to do,

trying to steal the show away from me, from right underneath my nose.

What are you talking about, you were asleep!

It was a nightmare! It was terrible. So scary.

-Was there any monsters?

-Yeah, the worst kind.

A selfish one. But I'm awake now and I'm not going to let that come true.

Let's get on with the show.

Here you go, geese, here's some bread to eat.

It's always nice to get a little treat.

HE SCREAMS

Awesome rhymes, bruv! I am so loving your raps right now!

See you later.

CHEERING

Welcome back to the show, guys.

Johnny here, the original star of the show,

and I will not be a background dancer for anyone, especially you!

-I know that's what you want.

-What's that supposed to mean?

You're never in the background.

In fact, you're always up front trying to steal the limelight.

You keep me awake all night, Inel,

then you have a go at me for being tired

and then you make up your own song

and then put ribbons in my hair.

Yeah, those were all funny though.

You need to seriously make it up to me, Inel.

-I just need a bit of sleep and I need you to help me out.

-What can I do?

Well, there is one sure-fire way of helping me get to sleep.

-Something my mum used to do.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm not rubbing your tummy and singing Twinkle Twinkle.

-Not doing that.

-That is not what I'm talking about.

Although, you sure you couldn't...?

That's not what I'm talking about anyway.

My mum used to read me a bedtime story

and it used to always help me go to sleep.

No worries, I'll do that later. After the show.

-Listen, I need to go to sleep now, not later.

-What?

What about the show?

These guys will appreciate a story, wouldn't you, guys?

ALL: Yeah!

They would say that! All right, let's see.

Once upon a time in a land far away

lived a boy and his parents.

-The beginning's a little predictable, isn't it?

-I just started.

Just saying.

The boy's name was Jack and he loved to explore the world.

Who doesn't like to explore? It's lazy story writing.

One day, Jack wanted to venture into the dark and eerie woods

at the back of his garden.

Would it hurt to just have a bit of dramatic tension in your voice?

DRAMATIC VOICE: "The dark and eerie woods!"

Johnny, if I'm going to read this story,

you have to stop with the comments.

Tell you what, afterwards, we can have a little Q&A session

and you can voice your concerns, but other than that, keep it shtoom.

-Just saying...

-Reading!

There's nothing wrong with a bit of theatre.

-DRAMATIC VOICE:

-One day, Jack decided to venture

into the dark and eerie woods at the end of his garden.

Jack put on his coat, packed his bag and set off into the darkness.

As he ventured through the woods, Jack came to a crossroads.

He wasn't sure which way to go so he listened out for sounds.

Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!

Twit-twoo!

Oi, oi!

Jack thought to himself, "I don't want to bump into those creatures."

He decided to take the west road.

It went on and on

and on and on

and on...until he lived...

..happily...

ever...

..lived happily ever after. A real twist ending(!)

Where to start with that!

My first problem was... Inel!

This is ridiculous.

Everyone else has fallen asleep but me

and I'm the one who's meant to be falling asleep!

I'm not standing for this.

Uh...Hi! I'm Boris Horace.

And he's Norris Glorris. Welcome to today's J&I News Network.

This just in, I'm shattered.

Those studio lights are so bright.

Could we turn them down a tad?

-That's better.

-Much, much better.

MUSIC SWELLS

Shhh!

Hi, everyone at home.

I'm having to whisper because everyone's sleeping here.

As I was trying to sleep earlier but I didn't manage get any sleep,

I wouldn't want to wake these guys up but thank you, guys, for tuning in.

I hope you've enjoyed it. I'd better make myself scarce

because I wouldn't want to make too much noise and wake everyone up.

Yeah, right! Hit it!

THEME TUNE PLAYS

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! #

Cheers for tuning in, guys.

Till next time, we'll keep making it look good...

..the only way Johnny and I know how.

Hit the music!

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# Splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes... #

Stop doing that! Aah!

What's going on?

What you doing? Why you hitting me?

Why are you hitting me?!

You're meant to be an audience! Can you stop playing the music?

You're just encouraging them! Stop encouraging them!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd