Episode 10 The Johnny & Inel Show


Episode 10

Comedy series. Johnny and Inel want to be DJs and land themselves in trouble at a radio station before seeking advice from professional Radio 1 DJ Gemma Cairney.


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Transcript


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# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes

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# The sun's out shining I'd better stop rhyming

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# As Mum's always telling me Fix up your timing

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# Now we've got a show on CBBC

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# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

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# It's sick cos the time is here

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# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

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# We're doing well As you can tell

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-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-And Inel. #

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'Coming up on today's show...'

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Darrel! You're stealing my line to the ramp.

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Deal with it.

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You're stealing my line.

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'We've got an interview with Radio 1 DJ Gemma Cairney.'

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What advice would you give to someone if they were told that they had,

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like, sausage fingers and couldn't mix properly?

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You could make it part of your schtick.

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You could be, like, "Yeah, I'm the Lincolnshire sausage man."

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You could make up a little sausage skank. You know what I mean?

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'The Only Way Is Blondie.'

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It means I got it perfectly correct

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and you two are trying to slow me down

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and make me look bad in front of Shanice.

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'So, let's get this show started.'

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-Ready for the show today, Johnny?

-Don't worry about the show, mate.

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I've lined us up a top interview on the radio. You can thank me later.

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OK, what's that for, then?

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Well, you know how cool Gayle looks when she's DJing?

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I reckon we'd be great at that. I mean, how hard can it be?

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A lot of the club DJs have got their own radio shows, right,

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so we head over to the radio studio,

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supposedly to be interviewed about The Johnny And Inel Show

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but, instead, we show them how good we are on the decks.

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-Before you know it, we'll be headlining in Ibiza.

-What, really?

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Trust me. I was born to do this.

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-What about our show, then?

-We ARE the show, Inel.

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The cameras will follow us around. Come on, we'll take them with us.

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-See? Nothing to worry about.

-Where are you off to, guys?

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-We need to start the show.

-Um...

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Welcome to The Johnny And Inel Show!

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'Sounds like we're in for another one of Johnny's famous schemes.

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'In the meantime,

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'here are some familiar crazy characters in the WWJI ring.'

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BELL DINGS

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The biggest rematch in WWJI history.

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Once again, it's the Tickler...

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..versus the Brickhouse.

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-The Brickhouse!

-Ha-ha!

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Last time, Tickler, you tickled me, and that was below the belt.

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But this time, I've got a new anti-tickling device.

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HE LAUGHS

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Ha-ha!

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-What do you say now, Tickler?

-Shops will sell anything nowadays.

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We'll see about that.

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Ha-ha-ha! Tickle-tickle-tickle. Tickle-tickle-tickle.

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-Look who's laughing now, Tickler.

-HE LAUGHS

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I'm going to humiliate YOU, Tickler.

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-He's got a plan.

-What's that you've got?

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Put it down. Put that down, mate. You don't want to use that. No...

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Ahh!

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-I'm going to laugh.

-Tickle-tickle-tickle.

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Oh, my goodness!

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Will the Brickhouse be able to resist the Tickler's might?

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Find out this Saturday, only on WWJI.

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BELL DINGS

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Now it's time for the best part of the entire show.

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The Only Way Is Blondie.

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Stepton High's Got Talent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Find the most talented pupil in the school? Pfft!

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Don't need a competition for that. Obviously it's me.

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I think you'll find that I'm going to win,

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and anything you three produce

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is going to be wickedy, wickedy, wickedy, wickedy...wah.

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So, Shanice thinks she's all that? She's not.

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Thinks she can say what she wants to me? She can't.

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Has she ever done a music video inside a canteen before?

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I don't think so. I swear down this girl's got her head in the clouds.

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Does she not know about the Destiny's Child

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All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dancer Friendship Group?

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We're well tight.

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-MUSIC PLAYS

-OK.

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Five, six, seven, eight.

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Mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm...

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Oh, my gosh, Ruby! Can you just get it right, please? Oh!

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I'm not about to get embarrassed in front of the entire school

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because you don't know your left from your right.

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Leave it, B. Right, come on. We'll take it from the top.

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-Five, six, seven...

-Oh, my days, Michelle!

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Why are you trying to long out my life like that?

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Calling out five, six, seven, eight? Think you're Beyonce?

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We missed the timing on the last one.

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My timing was perfectly correct on that one, Michelle.

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-Er, I did trip a bit.

-BOTH: We saw!

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Sorry!

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Ohh!

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SHE TURNS MUSIC OFF

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Ruby! Can you stop texting silly boys and put your phone away?

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The world doesn't revolve around men, thank you!

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Well, we should do it again, because it wasn't great before.

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We need to be unified and that. Practice takes perfect.

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-Oh, my days.

-MUSIC PLAYS

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Practice makes perfect?

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I know how Beyonce must feel, working with Kelly and Michelle.

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-What's that supposed to mean?

-It means...

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Hey, guys, there's an 80% sale in Shop Top.

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It means I got it perfectly correct

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and you two are trying to slow me down

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and make me look bad in front of Shanice.

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-Blondie, that's kind of rude.

-Oh, is it?

-Yes, it really hurts.

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I bet Shanice doesn't talk to her friends like that.

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THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

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I don't know what Blondie's problem is lately,

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but she's been overly moody.

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-I think it's puberty.

-BOTH: Definitely.

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I mean, how rude is that?

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'We'll be back with Blondie later

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'to see if they've settled their differences.

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'Now it's time for our radio interview. Exciting or what?'

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-Going round again, mate.

-Yeah?

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-Oh. Hiya.

-Hi.

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Er, we're here for the Johnny and Inel interview.

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-Oh, they're expecting you. Just go on through.

-Expecting us!

-Nice one.

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-You all right?

-You all right?

-How you doing?

-Cool.

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The DJ just popped to the loo, but he'll be back in a moment.

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-If you have a seat, then we'll get you on air.

-Not a problem.

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-Nice one.

-See you in a bit.

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Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

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-You thinking about ginger beer?

-No!

-What are you thinking about, then?

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I'm thinking he's gone - why don't we go in there

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-and take over the radio show?

-I weren't thinking that.

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Quick, he's gone. Let's go.

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I could teach you to be a DJ, Inel, but please don't touch anything, OK?

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-Yeah?

-Leave it to the professional. Did a bit of student radio.

-Nice.

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COW MOOS, TYRES SCREECH

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-Now, what did I just say? We've got one shot at this.

-All right.

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COW MOOS

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-The DJ's going to be back soon. We've got to nail this, OK?

-Right.

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Yo, yo, yo!

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You're listening to the Inel Drum'n'Bass And Garage Hour.

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Are you listening to a word I've just said? Besides, it's actually...

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Hi, guys, welcome to Late Night, with me, Johnny Cochrane.

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Late night grooves? It's, like, five o'clock.

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# You're listening to Inel's

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# Sou-ou-ou-oul train-n-n-n-a! #

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RASPBERRY

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-Oh, seriously?! And on air as well.

-Inel, I'm a professional.

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I think you'll find we're not on air.

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Look. Look at the light. On air!

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If we were live on air, do you think I'd do this?

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Meow. Baa!

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HE NEIGHS

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-Cat, sheep.

-That's pretty good. Look.

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Naaaargh! Naaaargh!

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-Naaaargh!

-Uhh-aaah! Hope you're listening.

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TEXT ALERT

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-Oh, no.

-What?

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My mum's just texted me. We're live on air.

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Why do you always have to mess around, Inel?

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-You're ruining it for me.

-Me?!

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You're the one who's breaking wind live on air.

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We can still save this, OK? We've got to be professional.

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Let's come up with a jingle.

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Hi, guys. Don't worry about it. KLAXON BLARES

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-Which one's the jingle button?

-ENGINE REVS

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-Release the jingle now!

-I'm trying.

-COW MOOS, MUSIC PLAYS

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What was I saying about being professional?

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-I'm trying.

-Oi! What are you doing in there?

-Oh, security.

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Guys, don't worry. We don't need to panic.

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We'll just keep playing all those magic hits.

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Mate, we're just finishing the show. Let us finish the show!

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All right, mate. Don't crease this. This is worth loads.

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Right, OK, sorry about that, folks.

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We just got hijacked by a couple of goons. Order has now been restored.

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'Looks like our DJ debut has landed us in trouble.

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'Let's go over to Liam Piam to see what the feedback was.'

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Fresh!

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[email protected] says, "Johnny and Inel are awesome DJs.

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"Hashtag - only in the mind."

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'Let's head over to the supermarket with Rudy and Boyyer. Baggit!'

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BELL DINGS

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-All right, lady bruv?

-How you doing today, lady bruv?

-I'm good, thanks.

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Cool, cool, cool.

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Face cream.

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Soft, smooth skin.

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Baggit!

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-I bet you moisturise, like, daily.

-How do you know?!

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It's the way the sunshine bounces off your face, bruv.

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Oh!

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Strawberry lip balm. For sweet, sweet lips.

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Baggit!

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-Conditioner.

-For shiny, silky hair.

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Baggit!

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-That'll be £8.33, bruv.

-That's very expensive.

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I think you'll find that our prices are highly competitive, bruv.

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I know, but...

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..I just don't have enough.

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So...what should I do?

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-Get a cheaper brand. Simple.

-But they're not as good.

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Actually, it's been proven in clinical tests, yeah,

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that 98% of people questioned preferred the cheaper brand

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over the more expensive brand, bruv.

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You're paying extra just for the name.

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Maybe I could just get that lot for free.

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Un-baggit!

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-She likes me.

-You think so?

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'With the competition drawing close,

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'let's see how Darrel and Chad are doing at the rampz.'

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This can't go on, Darrel. One of us is going to have to leave the rampz.

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-Well, go on, then. See you later. Boom!

-That competition.

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I'll face you one-on-one,

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and the loser needs to get out the rampz for good.

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I'm up for that.

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Well, Darrel, you're about to see a skater in complete control

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and at the top of his game.

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This week, we're at the rampz with Chad and the Skate Till Late Crew.

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-Wagwan?

-Are you nervous about next week's competition, Chad?

-No.

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Why would I be nervous?

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I'm Chad, leader and founder of the Skate Till Late Crew, after all.

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I did come up with the Skate Till Late Crew, didn't I?

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I don't know. I wasn't there.

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To answer your question, am I nervous about next week's competition?

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No. Well, why would I be?

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Cos when I get out there, you're going to see some crazy ollies.

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Whoa!

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Some awesome flips. Did you see that flip? Chad's cool.

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Look at his grinds. Look at him grinding. Grind! Yeah!

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Next.

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Don't leave me hanging next time.

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So...yeah, it's going to be good.

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There's a lot at stake for you, Chad.

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You and Darrel have made a bet

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and the loser won't be allowed to use the rampz any more.

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Yeah, but, like, I'm fine with that.

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I mean, I can't wait to see the back of that loser.

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Anyway, if you'll excuse me,

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I'd better start training for next week's epic competition.

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Peace out.

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Darrel! You're stealing my line to the ramp. Guys!

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Darrel!

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-Come on, Darrel, move your bike.

-It's stabiliser power, innit? Look.

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-Look.

-Move your bike already, Darrel.

-Look at that. Look.

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Ah, look, look, look. No hands. No hands.

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I think perhaps it might be best if we leave them to it.

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We'll come back later.

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'OK, so the interview didn't work out as I'd hoped.

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'But now we've managed to sneak in to Radio 1,

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'let's see if we have better luck there.'

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Who would have thought, oh, they didn't want to interview us,

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-because we gate-crashed their show, took over?

-I know! How sensitive!

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But here on The Johnny And Inel Show, we are not giving up that easy.

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-BOTH:

-No.

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Especially when at least one of us

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still has a very good chance of making it as a top DJ.

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'..on BBC Radio 1.'

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You know what? I think we should get some advice from a professional.

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Someone who knows what they're doing.

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As luck would have it, there's one right there. It's Gemma Cairney.

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# Gemma! #

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That's my name. Do wear it out. That was One Direction, Little Things.

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How are you, everybody? Loads of lovely texts here. One from Jack...

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-All right, Gemma?

-What's happening, Gemma?

-How you doing?

-Hiya.

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-Johnny on the air!

-And Inel.

-Quick, ask her something.

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-Oh, yeah, Gemma, I wanted to ask, actually.

-Yeah?

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When I'm DJing, right, with my headphones,

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do I put them over my beanie or underneath my beanie?

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I reckon that you should have, like, the beanie over the headphones.

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If you can fit it.

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-Ah!

-The other way round might look a bit better.

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-Left and right, yeah?

-SHE LAUGHS

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-Right, OK...

-Oh, right, I can actually hear her.

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Now let me ask you a question, OK?

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I mean, this is a friend asked me to ask you. What would you...

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What advice would you give to someone if they were told that they had,

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-like, sausage fingers and couldn't mix properly?

-Which flavour sausages?

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-Lincolnshire, everyone says.

-Yeah?

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I reckon Lincolnshire sausages are pretty good, to be fair.

0:14:200:14:23

You can't DJ with them, though.

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Not necessarily, but you can make it part of your schtick.

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You could be, like, I'm the Lincolnshire sausage man.

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You could make up a little sausage skank. It could be quite good.

0:14:300:14:33

Gemma, I've got a question, How did you get into DJing?

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By having a big gob, which I reckon you two have already got, yeah?

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You have a way with words. You have a way with words.

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You've got to think about what's missing on the radio

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and what you would love and what you can bring to it,

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rather than pretending to be anyone else.

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Yeah, well, I know what I can bring to it.

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Like, top quality Johnny material, you know.

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With a bit of Inel in there. Spice it up a bit.

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So, obviously you do a radio show on your own.

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-I like your radio show, by the way.

-Thank you, thank you.

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-I love your radio show.

-I like it a bit more than he does.

0:15:020:15:05

Is it definitely worth doing it on your own?

0:15:050:15:07

You know, because you don't want people holding you back.

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SHE LAUGHS

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I need to get back to playing some music.

0:15:110:15:13

A lot of people are saying that they want me to play the next track.

0:15:130:15:16

-Everyone's waiting for Taylor Swift.

-Ain't there no texts from us?

0:15:160:15:19

Er...

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Oh, there's one text about you guys, actually. Yeah. Mo...

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Mo and Brennan. They say, "Where are you?"

0:15:240:15:28

-We'd better get out of here, then.

-Yeah.

0:15:280:15:30

I mean, you've been quality, Gemma,

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but I will let you know that I've arranged an awesome gig for us DJing.

0:15:320:15:37

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Where's that? Ibiza?

-It's not Ibiza. It's like that.

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Oh, it must be Magaluf, then, yeah?

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It's not Magaluf. It's... It's kind of like a bit better, if anything.

0:15:440:15:48

Let's keep in touch. Let's follow each other on Twitter.

0:15:480:15:50

-Yeah. Yeah, we'll do that.

-OK.

-Catch later, Gemma.

-Lovely to meet you.

0:15:500:15:53

It's been great. Cheers with the advice and that.

0:15:530:15:55

-Got to get out of here.

-OK. Yeah.

0:15:550:15:57

Thanks for your text, Mo and Brennan, and everyone else.

0:15:570:16:01

You are listening to Gemma Cairney on BBC Radio 1,

0:16:010:16:04

and this is Taylor Swift.

0:16:040:16:06

'Looks like Johnny's lined us up

0:16:060:16:07

'with a big gig for the end of the show.'

0:16:070:16:09

'But first up, it's time for School Room Solutions.'

0:16:090:16:12

Kids, tired of being dropped off at the school gates

0:16:150:16:18

by your embarrassing parents?

0:16:180:16:21

Are you tired of your dad's persistent cardigan-wearing

0:16:210:16:24

or your mum's bad fashion choices?

0:16:240:16:27

Then what you need is our One Stop Pit Stop Parent Makeover Team.

0:16:270:16:31

Mad eyebrows? No probs.

0:16:310:16:34

RIPPING

0:16:340:16:35

Hideous cardie?

0:16:350:16:37

Get out!

0:16:380:16:40

Grotesque display of public affection? Not any more.

0:16:420:16:45

With our One Stop Pit Stop Parent Makeover Team,

0:16:470:16:49

you'll have cool parents

0:16:490:16:51

you'll be proud to be seen with at the school gates.

0:16:510:16:53

My word is my bond.

0:16:530:16:55

'I'm definitely getting one of those.

0:16:550:16:57

'Now let's get back to the rampz to see Darrel in training.'

0:16:570:17:00

-So, Darrel, how are you preparing for the competition?

-Ha! Please!

0:17:060:17:10

I don't need to train, yeah? I've been riding since I was a baby.

0:17:100:17:13

Like, I come out my...

0:17:130:17:14

I come out my cot, yeah, I ride my bike. Boom.

0:17:160:17:19

-Did that REALLY happen, Darrel?

-I don't know. Probably.

0:17:190:17:22

Look, I'm going to make it real simple for you, yeah,

0:17:220:17:24

so you can understand, yeah?

0:17:240:17:26

Imagine a shark, yeah,

0:17:260:17:28

challenged a monkey to a banana-eating competition. Boom.

0:17:280:17:31

-Who's going to win that? Tell me that.

-Mm, I don't know.

0:17:310:17:34

-Is it on land or in the water?

-It doesn't matter.

0:17:340:17:36

The monkey's going to win, innit?

0:17:360:17:38

-Cos everybody knows that sharks don't eat bananas. Boom.

-Right.

0:17:380:17:41

-Thanks for clearing that up.

-No worries.

0:17:410:17:45

Hey, yo, yo. What's going on? What's going on?

0:17:450:17:47

I thought you was making a documentary about me, yeah? Darrel!

0:17:470:17:50

AKA Ghost Rider. AKA Mad Cyclist. AKA Big Biker Boss.

0:17:500:17:56

-Ain't no big biker bosses around here but me.

-OK.

0:17:560:17:59

Can you show us any of the tricks you hope to wow the judges with?

0:17:590:18:03

Yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. Hey, yo, yo.

0:18:030:18:05

Liam, Liam, Liam, back it off, man.

0:18:050:18:07

They want to see some real tricks, innit? Yo.

0:18:070:18:10

Er, I could show you a bunny hop. Ready, yeah? Back up, then.

0:18:100:18:14

Look, do you lot want to get hurt or something? Ooh.

0:18:150:18:18

-Yeah.

-OK, we're ready.

0:18:190:18:22

-I did it.

-You've done it?

-Yeah, just did it.

0:18:220:18:24

-Wow.

-I know, innit?

0:18:260:18:27

See that? Mesmerised. Impressed. All right, let me get out of here, yeah?

0:18:270:18:32

Competitions to win, you know what I mean? Yeah! That's what I mean.

0:18:320:18:36

I don't know what they're talking about.

0:18:360:18:38

Skate Till Late? Who are they? Who are they?

0:18:380:18:41

It's all about Bike All Night, you know what I mean? Come, we go.

0:18:410:18:45

-Come, we go.

-Bye, Darrel.

0:18:450:18:47

Oh, looks like we're actually going to see a jump.

0:18:470:18:50

-Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo...

-No.

0:18:500:18:52

Gotta think about the competition, innit? Let's walk it. Let's walk it.

0:18:520:18:55

Safety first, innit? Don't want to injure yourself.

0:18:550:18:57

-Don't injure yourself. Yeah?

-Perhaps not.

0:18:570:19:00

'Next up, grumpy Beanie and cheeky Fro Fro.'

0:19:020:19:05

Yo, Beanie.

0:19:070:19:10

-Ah. Just one day of peace, that's all I ask.

-Beanie, I've got a joke.

0:19:100:19:16

-Oh, just one day.

-Beanie, are you listening?

-Please.

0:19:160:19:22

What do you call a fish with no eye?

0:19:220:19:26

Me not know and me not care neither.

0:19:260:19:30

Fsssssh.

0:19:300:19:34

FRO FRO LAUGHS

0:19:340:19:36

Oh, Lord. I must have been a real bad man in a past life or something.

0:19:360:19:41

Chill out, Beanie. They're just jokes, eh?

0:19:410:19:46

'Let's see what Blondie's up to.'

0:19:470:19:49

Oh, my gosh, Michelle. You're, like, proper taking over.

0:19:530:19:55

Calling out five, six, seven, eight like you're a choreographer.

0:19:550:19:58

You can't even spell it.

0:19:580:20:00

I just want us to be the best we can be,

0:20:000:20:02

but Blondie's just focused on getting one over on Shanice.

0:20:020:20:04

Oh, my days! Did I just hear my name being discriminated against?

0:20:040:20:09

-This is private time now, Blondie.

-Oh, private time?

0:20:090:20:12

Private time so you can just curse me behind my back?

0:20:120:20:14

I swear down I trusted you, Michelle, and you just took...

0:20:140:20:17

# Bare liberties! #

0:20:170:20:22

Even on my own show, that's proper feisty.

0:20:220:20:25

I'd expect that sort of behaviour from Ruby.

0:20:250:20:27

-Did you call me?

-Oh,

0:20:310:20:34

Well, everybody knows I'm, like, the Beyonce of the group.

0:20:340:20:37

My name even sounds like Beyonce. Blonde-once.

0:20:370:20:41

-MICHELLE TUTS AND SIGHS

-Yeah.

0:20:410:20:43

I just want to be Kelly Rowland.

0:20:450:20:47

Well...well, I bet...I bet you can't...can't do this, Michelle.

0:20:490:20:53

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

0:20:550:20:57

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

0:20:570:20:59

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. #

0:20:590:21:02

"A ring on it".

0:21:020:21:04

A phrase coined by the wonderful Miss Beyonce Knowles,

0:21:040:21:07

meaning to get engaged.

0:21:070:21:10

You may know it from such things as...

0:21:100:21:12

MUSIC: "Single Ladies" by Beyonce

0:21:120:21:15

# Oh oh oh

0:21:150:21:17

# Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh-oh, oh

0:21:170:21:21

# Oh oh oh

0:21:210:21:22

# Whoa-oh-oh, oh oh oh, oh oh-oh-ohh

0:21:220:21:26

# Oh oh oh

0:21:260:21:27

# Cos if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

0:21:270:21:29

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

0:21:290:21:32

# Whoa-oh-oh. #

0:21:320:21:33

Better than the original.

0:21:330:21:35

-Right! I have an announcement to make.

-Doo-doo-doo-doo!

0:21:380:21:41

-Me and my newly appointed BFF...

-Whoo!

0:21:420:21:46

..have come to the conclusion that you, Michelle,

0:21:460:21:50

are officially out of the...

0:21:500:21:52

Destiny's Child All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dance Group.

0:21:520:21:56

-RUBY GASPS

-What?!

0:21:560:21:58

-Aren't we going to Michelle's on Saturday?

-Yeah, you're right.

0:21:580:22:02

You, Michelle, are officially out of the Destiny's Child

0:22:020:22:05

All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dance Group for three days.

0:22:050:22:09

Count yourself lucky that we already pre-organised

0:22:090:22:12

going round to your house. Mm-hm.

0:22:120:22:14

-So, therefore, this injunction only lasts until Friday.

-You're so kind!

0:22:140:22:18

-I know. I know, Rubes.

-Do you know what, Blondie?

0:22:180:22:20

-I'm done being friends with you. You're well egress.

-Ah!

0:22:200:22:24

-What did you just say?

-You heard me. I said, we're done. Laters.

0:22:240:22:30

BLONDIE GASPS

0:22:300:22:32

-Good!

-Yeah!

-Be seeing you!

-Doubt it.

0:22:320:22:35

-So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye, Michelle.

-Whatever, yeah?

0:22:350:22:40

BOTH: Come on, Rubes.

0:22:400:22:42

Are we still going round to Michelle's?

0:22:480:22:50

When you're out there on the stage, really enjoy yourself.

0:22:570:23:01

Cos it's the last time that you're going to be in the spotlight.

0:23:010:23:05

Cos when everyone sees how lame your dance is,

0:23:050:23:08

all those cameras will be following me.

0:23:080:23:13

'Are you ready for DJ Johnny and DJ Inel's big gig? Here we go!'

0:23:130:23:17

MUSIC: "Waiting All Night" by Rudimental

0:23:170:23:20

Sorry, we don't do requests.

0:23:200:23:22

# Tell me that you need me... #

0:23:220:23:24

Right, that's it, guys. Reach for the lasers!

0:23:240:23:27

Wait for it!

0:23:270:23:29

Can you feel that right now? It's electric out there.

0:23:290:23:33

We've definitely found our calling.

0:23:330:23:35

Right, guys, we're going to keep making it look good.

0:23:350:23:38

The only way Johnny and Inel... Jiggedy-jig! ..could. Ha-ha!

0:23:380:23:41

Wait for the drop!

0:23:410:23:43

ALARM RINGS

0:23:430:23:45

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