Episode 10 The Johnny & Inel Show

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes

# The sun's out shining I'd better stop rhyming

# As Mum's always telling me Fix up your timing

# Now we've got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

# It's sick cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well As you can tell

-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-And Inel. #

'Coming up on today's show...'

Darrel! You're stealing my line to the ramp.

Deal with it.

You're stealing my line.

'We've got an interview with Radio 1 DJ Gemma Cairney.'

What advice would you give to someone if they were told that they had,

like, sausage fingers and couldn't mix properly?

You could make it part of your schtick.

You could be, like, "Yeah, I'm the Lincolnshire sausage man."

You could make up a little sausage skank. You know what I mean?

'The Only Way Is Blondie.'

It means I got it perfectly correct

and you two are trying to slow me down

and make me look bad in front of Shanice.

'So, let's get this show started.'

-Ready for the show today, Johnny?

-Don't worry about the show, mate.

I've lined us up a top interview on the radio. You can thank me later.

OK, what's that for, then?

Well, you know how cool Gayle looks when she's DJing?

I reckon we'd be great at that. I mean, how hard can it be?

A lot of the club DJs have got their own radio shows, right,

so we head over to the radio studio,

supposedly to be interviewed about The Johnny And Inel Show

but, instead, we show them how good we are on the decks.

-Before you know it, we'll be headlining in Ibiza.

-What, really?

Trust me. I was born to do this.

-What about our show, then?

-We ARE the show, Inel.

The cameras will follow us around. Come on, we'll take them with us.

-See? Nothing to worry about.

-Where are you off to, guys?

-We need to start the show.

-Um...

Welcome to The Johnny And Inel Show!

'Sounds like we're in for another one of Johnny's famous schemes.

'In the meantime,

'here are some familiar crazy characters in the WWJI ring.'

BELL DINGS

The biggest rematch in WWJI history.

Once again, it's the Tickler...

..versus the Brickhouse.

-The Brickhouse!

-Ha-ha!

Last time, Tickler, you tickled me, and that was below the belt.

But this time, I've got a new anti-tickling device.

HE LAUGHS

Ha-ha!

-What do you say now, Tickler?

-Shops will sell anything nowadays.

We'll see about that.

Ha-ha-ha! Tickle-tickle-tickle. Tickle-tickle-tickle.

-Look who's laughing now, Tickler.

-HE LAUGHS

I'm going to humiliate YOU, Tickler.

-He's got a plan.

-What's that you've got?

Put it down. Put that down, mate. You don't want to use that. No...

Ahh!

-I'm going to laugh.

-Tickle-tickle-tickle.

Oh, my goodness!

Will the Brickhouse be able to resist the Tickler's might?

Find out this Saturday, only on WWJI.

BELL DINGS

Now it's time for the best part of the entire show.

The Only Way Is Blondie.

Stepton High's Got Talent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Find the most talented pupil in the school? Pfft!

Don't need a competition for that. Obviously it's me.

I think you'll find that I'm going to win,

and anything you three produce

is going to be wickedy, wickedy, wickedy, wickedy...wah.

So, Shanice thinks she's all that? She's not.

Thinks she can say what she wants to me? She can't.

Has she ever done a music video inside a canteen before?

I don't think so. I swear down this girl's got her head in the clouds.

Does she not know about the Destiny's Child

All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dancer Friendship Group?

We're well tight.

-MUSIC PLAYS

-OK.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm...

Oh, my gosh, Ruby! Can you just get it right, please? Oh!

I'm not about to get embarrassed in front of the entire school

because you don't know your left from your right.

Leave it, B. Right, come on. We'll take it from the top.

-Five, six, seven...

-Oh, my days, Michelle!

Why are you trying to long out my life like that?

Calling out five, six, seven, eight? Think you're Beyonce?

We missed the timing on the last one.

My timing was perfectly correct on that one, Michelle.

-Er, I did trip a bit.

-BOTH: We saw!

Sorry!

Ohh!

SHE TURNS MUSIC OFF

Ruby! Can you stop texting silly boys and put your phone away?

The world doesn't revolve around men, thank you!

Well, we should do it again, because it wasn't great before.

We need to be unified and that. Practice takes perfect.

-Oh, my days.

-MUSIC PLAYS

Practice makes perfect?

I know how Beyonce must feel, working with Kelly and Michelle.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-It means...

Hey, guys, there's an 80% sale in Shop Top.

It means I got it perfectly correct

and you two are trying to slow me down

and make me look bad in front of Shanice.

-Blondie, that's kind of rude.

-Oh, is it?

-Yes, it really hurts.

I bet Shanice doesn't talk to her friends like that.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

I don't know what Blondie's problem is lately,

but she's been overly moody.

-I think it's puberty.

-BOTH: Definitely.

I mean, how rude is that?

'We'll be back with Blondie later

'to see if they've settled their differences.

'Now it's time for our radio interview. Exciting or what?'

-Going round again, mate.

-Yeah?

-Oh. Hiya.

-Hi.

Er, we're here for the Johnny and Inel interview.

-Oh, they're expecting you. Just go on through.

-Expecting us!

-Nice one.

-You all right?

-You all right?

-How you doing?

-Cool.

The DJ just popped to the loo, but he'll be back in a moment.

-If you have a seat, then we'll get you on air.

-Not a problem.

-Nice one.

-See you in a bit.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-You thinking about ginger beer?

-No!

-What are you thinking about, then?

I'm thinking he's gone - why don't we go in there

-and take over the radio show?

-I weren't thinking that.

Quick, he's gone. Let's go.

I could teach you to be a DJ, Inel, but please don't touch anything, OK?

-Yeah?

-Leave it to the professional. Did a bit of student radio.

-Nice.

COW MOOS, TYRES SCREECH

-Now, what did I just say? We've got one shot at this.

-All right.

COW MOOS

-The DJ's going to be back soon. We've got to nail this, OK?

-Right.

Yo, yo, yo!

You're listening to the Inel Drum'n'Bass And Garage Hour.

Are you listening to a word I've just said? Besides, it's actually...

Hi, guys, welcome to Late Night, with me, Johnny Cochrane.

Late night grooves? It's, like, five o'clock.

# You're listening to Inel's

# Sou-ou-ou-oul train-n-n-n-a! #

RASPBERRY

-Oh, seriously?! And on air as well.

-Inel, I'm a professional.

I think you'll find we're not on air.

Look. Look at the light. On air!

If we were live on air, do you think I'd do this?

Meow. Baa!

HE NEIGHS

-Cat, sheep.

-That's pretty good. Look.

Naaaargh! Naaaargh!

-Naaaargh!

-Uhh-aaah! Hope you're listening.

TEXT ALERT

-Oh, no.

-What?

My mum's just texted me. We're live on air.

Why do you always have to mess around, Inel?

-You're ruining it for me.

-Me?!

You're the one who's breaking wind live on air.

We can still save this, OK? We've got to be professional.

Let's come up with a jingle.

Hi, guys. Don't worry about it. KLAXON BLARES

-Which one's the jingle button?

-ENGINE REVS

-Release the jingle now!

-I'm trying.

-COW MOOS, MUSIC PLAYS

What was I saying about being professional?

-I'm trying.

-Oi! What are you doing in there?

-Oh, security.

Guys, don't worry. We don't need to panic.

We'll just keep playing all those magic hits.

Mate, we're just finishing the show. Let us finish the show!

All right, mate. Don't crease this. This is worth loads.

Right, OK, sorry about that, folks.

We just got hijacked by a couple of goons. Order has now been restored.

'Looks like our DJ debut has landed us in trouble.

'Let's go over to Liam Piam to see what the feedback was.'

Fresh!

Mountain@Mohammed says, "Johnny and Inel are awesome DJs.

"Hashtag - only in the mind."

'Let's head over to the supermarket with Rudy and Boyyer. Baggit!'

BELL DINGS

-All right, lady bruv?

-How you doing today, lady bruv?

-I'm good, thanks.

Cool, cool, cool.

Face cream.

Soft, smooth skin.

Baggit!

-I bet you moisturise, like, daily.

-How do you know?!

It's the way the sunshine bounces off your face, bruv.

Oh!

Strawberry lip balm. For sweet, sweet lips.

Baggit!

-Conditioner.

-For shiny, silky hair.

Baggit!

-That'll be £8.33, bruv.

-That's very expensive.

I think you'll find that our prices are highly competitive, bruv.

I know, but...

..I just don't have enough.

So...what should I do?

-Get a cheaper brand. Simple.

-But they're not as good.

Actually, it's been proven in clinical tests, yeah,

that 98% of people questioned preferred the cheaper brand

over the more expensive brand, bruv.

You're paying extra just for the name.

Maybe I could just get that lot for free.

Un-baggit!

-She likes me.

-You think so?

'With the competition drawing close,

'let's see how Darrel and Chad are doing at the rampz.'

This can't go on, Darrel. One of us is going to have to leave the rampz.

-Well, go on, then. See you later. Boom!

-That competition.

I'll face you one-on-one,

and the loser needs to get out the rampz for good.

I'm up for that.

Well, Darrel, you're about to see a skater in complete control

and at the top of his game.

This week, we're at the rampz with Chad and the Skate Till Late Crew.

-Wagwan?

-Are you nervous about next week's competition, Chad?

-No.

Why would I be nervous?

I'm Chad, leader and founder of the Skate Till Late Crew, after all.

I did come up with the Skate Till Late Crew, didn't I?

I don't know. I wasn't there.

To answer your question, am I nervous about next week's competition?

No. Well, why would I be?

Cos when I get out there, you're going to see some crazy ollies.

Whoa!

Some awesome flips. Did you see that flip? Chad's cool.

Look at his grinds. Look at him grinding. Grind! Yeah!

Next.

Don't leave me hanging next time.

So...yeah, it's going to be good.

There's a lot at stake for you, Chad.

You and Darrel have made a bet

and the loser won't be allowed to use the rampz any more.

Yeah, but, like, I'm fine with that.

I mean, I can't wait to see the back of that loser.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me,

I'd better start training for next week's epic competition.

Peace out.

Darrel! You're stealing my line to the ramp. Guys!

Darrel!

-Come on, Darrel, move your bike.

-It's stabiliser power, innit? Look.

-Look.

-Move your bike already, Darrel.

-Look at that. Look.

Ah, look, look, look. No hands. No hands.

I think perhaps it might be best if we leave them to it.

We'll come back later.

'OK, so the interview didn't work out as I'd hoped.

'But now we've managed to sneak in to Radio 1,

'let's see if we have better luck there.'

Who would have thought, oh, they didn't want to interview us,

-because we gate-crashed their show, took over?

-I know! How sensitive!

But here on The Johnny And Inel Show, we are not giving up that easy.

-BOTH:

-No.

Especially when at least one of us

still has a very good chance of making it as a top DJ.

'..on BBC Radio 1.'

You know what? I think we should get some advice from a professional.

Someone who knows what they're doing.

As luck would have it, there's one right there. It's Gemma Cairney.

# Gemma! #

That's my name. Do wear it out. That was One Direction, Little Things.

How are you, everybody? Loads of lovely texts here. One from Jack...

-All right, Gemma?

-What's happening, Gemma?

-How you doing?

-Hiya.

-Johnny on the air!

-And Inel.

-Quick, ask her something.

-Oh, yeah, Gemma, I wanted to ask, actually.

-Yeah?

When I'm DJing, right, with my headphones,

do I put them over my beanie or underneath my beanie?

I reckon that you should have, like, the beanie over the headphones.

If you can fit it.

-Ah!

-The other way round might look a bit better.

-Left and right, yeah?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Right, OK...

-Oh, right, I can actually hear her.

Now let me ask you a question, OK?

I mean, this is a friend asked me to ask you. What would you...

What advice would you give to someone if they were told that they had,

-like, sausage fingers and couldn't mix properly?

-Which flavour sausages?

-Lincolnshire, everyone says.

-Yeah?

I reckon Lincolnshire sausages are pretty good, to be fair.

You can't DJ with them, though.

Not necessarily, but you can make it part of your schtick.

You could be, like, I'm the Lincolnshire sausage man.

You could make up a little sausage skank. It could be quite good.

Gemma, I've got a question, How did you get into DJing?

By having a big gob, which I reckon you two have already got, yeah?

You have a way with words. You have a way with words.

You've got to think about what's missing on the radio

and what you would love and what you can bring to it,

rather than pretending to be anyone else.

Yeah, well, I know what I can bring to it.

Like, top quality Johnny material, you know.

With a bit of Inel in there. Spice it up a bit.

So, obviously you do a radio show on your own.

-I like your radio show, by the way.

-Thank you, thank you.

-I love your radio show.

-I like it a bit more than he does.

Is it definitely worth doing it on your own?

You know, because you don't want people holding you back.

SHE LAUGHS

I need to get back to playing some music.

A lot of people are saying that they want me to play the next track.

-Everyone's waiting for Taylor Swift.

-Ain't there no texts from us?

Er...

Oh, there's one text about you guys, actually. Yeah. Mo...

Mo and Brennan. They say, "Where are you?"

-We'd better get out of here, then.

-Yeah.

I mean, you've been quality, Gemma,

but I will let you know that I've arranged an awesome gig for us DJing.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Where's that? Ibiza?

-It's not Ibiza. It's like that.

Oh, it must be Magaluf, then, yeah?

It's not Magaluf. It's... It's kind of like a bit better, if anything.

Let's keep in touch. Let's follow each other on Twitter.

-Yeah. Yeah, we'll do that.

-OK.

-Catch later, Gemma.

-Lovely to meet you.

It's been great. Cheers with the advice and that.

-Got to get out of here.

-OK. Yeah.

Thanks for your text, Mo and Brennan, and everyone else.

You are listening to Gemma Cairney on BBC Radio 1,

and this is Taylor Swift.

'Looks like Johnny's lined us up

'with a big gig for the end of the show.'

'But first up, it's time for School Room Solutions.'

Kids, tired of being dropped off at the school gates

by your embarrassing parents?

Are you tired of your dad's persistent cardigan-wearing

or your mum's bad fashion choices?

Then what you need is our One Stop Pit Stop Parent Makeover Team.

Mad eyebrows? No probs.

RIPPING

Hideous cardie?

Get out!

Grotesque display of public affection? Not any more.

With our One Stop Pit Stop Parent Makeover Team,

you'll have cool parents

you'll be proud to be seen with at the school gates.

My word is my bond.

'I'm definitely getting one of those.

'Now let's get back to the rampz to see Darrel in training.'

-So, Darrel, how are you preparing for the competition?

-Ha! Please!

I don't need to train, yeah? I've been riding since I was a baby.

Like, I come out my...

I come out my cot, yeah, I ride my bike. Boom.

-Did that REALLY happen, Darrel?

-I don't know. Probably.

Look, I'm going to make it real simple for you, yeah,

so you can understand, yeah?

Imagine a shark, yeah,

challenged a monkey to a banana-eating competition. Boom.

-Who's going to win that? Tell me that.

-Mm, I don't know.

-Is it on land or in the water?

-It doesn't matter.

The monkey's going to win, innit?

-Cos everybody knows that sharks don't eat bananas. Boom.

-Right.

-Thanks for clearing that up.

-No worries.

Hey, yo, yo. What's going on? What's going on?

I thought you was making a documentary about me, yeah? Darrel!

AKA Ghost Rider. AKA Mad Cyclist. AKA Big Biker Boss.

-Ain't no big biker bosses around here but me.

-OK.

Can you show us any of the tricks you hope to wow the judges with?

Yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. Hey, yo, yo.

Liam, Liam, Liam, back it off, man.

They want to see some real tricks, innit? Yo.

Er, I could show you a bunny hop. Ready, yeah? Back up, then.

Look, do you lot want to get hurt or something? Ooh.

-Yeah.

-OK, we're ready.

-I did it.

-You've done it?

-Yeah, just did it.

-Wow.

-I know, innit?

See that? Mesmerised. Impressed. All right, let me get out of here, yeah?

Competitions to win, you know what I mean? Yeah! That's what I mean.

I don't know what they're talking about.

Skate Till Late? Who are they? Who are they?

It's all about Bike All Night, you know what I mean? Come, we go.

-Come, we go.

-Bye, Darrel.

Oh, looks like we're actually going to see a jump.

-Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo...

-No.

Gotta think about the competition, innit? Let's walk it. Let's walk it.

Safety first, innit? Don't want to injure yourself.

-Don't injure yourself. Yeah?

-Perhaps not.

'Next up, grumpy Beanie and cheeky Fro Fro.'

Yo, Beanie.

-Ah. Just one day of peace, that's all I ask.

-Beanie, I've got a joke.

-Oh, just one day.

-Beanie, are you listening?

-Please.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Me not know and me not care neither.

Fsssssh.

FRO FRO LAUGHS

Oh, Lord. I must have been a real bad man in a past life or something.

Chill out, Beanie. They're just jokes, eh?

'Let's see what Blondie's up to.'

Oh, my gosh, Michelle. You're, like, proper taking over.

Calling out five, six, seven, eight like you're a choreographer.

You can't even spell it.

I just want us to be the best we can be,

but Blondie's just focused on getting one over on Shanice.

Oh, my days! Did I just hear my name being discriminated against?

-This is private time now, Blondie.

-Oh, private time?

Private time so you can just curse me behind my back?

I swear down I trusted you, Michelle, and you just took...

# Bare liberties! #

Even on my own show, that's proper feisty.

I'd expect that sort of behaviour from Ruby.

-Did you call me?

-Oh,

Well, everybody knows I'm, like, the Beyonce of the group.

My name even sounds like Beyonce. Blonde-once.

-MICHELLE TUTS AND SIGHS

-Yeah.

I just want to be Kelly Rowland.

Well...well, I bet...I bet you can't...can't do this, Michelle.

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. #

"A ring on it".

A phrase coined by the wonderful Miss Beyonce Knowles,

meaning to get engaged.

You may know it from such things as...

MUSIC: "Single Ladies" by Beyonce

# Oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh-oh, oh

# Oh oh oh

# Whoa-oh-oh, oh oh oh, oh oh-oh-ohh

# Oh oh oh

# Cos if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

# Whoa-oh-oh. #

Better than the original.

-Right! I have an announcement to make.

-Doo-doo-doo-doo!

-Me and my newly appointed BFF...

-Whoo!

..have come to the conclusion that you, Michelle,

are officially out of the...

Destiny's Child All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dance Group.

-RUBY GASPS

-What?!

-Aren't we going to Michelle's on Saturday?

-Yeah, you're right.

You, Michelle, are officially out of the Destiny's Child

All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dance Group for three days.

Count yourself lucky that we already pre-organised

going round to your house. Mm-hm.

-So, therefore, this injunction only lasts until Friday.

-You're so kind!

-I know. I know, Rubes.

-Do you know what, Blondie?

-I'm done being friends with you. You're well egress.

-Ah!

-What did you just say?

-You heard me. I said, we're done. Laters.

BLONDIE GASPS

-Good!

-Yeah!

-Be seeing you!

-Doubt it.

-So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye, Michelle.

-Whatever, yeah?

BOTH: Come on, Rubes.

Are we still going round to Michelle's?

When you're out there on the stage, really enjoy yourself.

Cos it's the last time that you're going to be in the spotlight.

Cos when everyone sees how lame your dance is,

all those cameras will be following me.

'Are you ready for DJ Johnny and DJ Inel's big gig? Here we go!'

MUSIC: "Waiting All Night" by Rudimental

Sorry, we don't do requests.

# Tell me that you need me... #

Right, that's it, guys. Reach for the lasers!

Wait for it!

Can you feel that right now? It's electric out there.

We've definitely found our calling.

Right, guys, we're going to keep making it look good.

The only way Johnny and Inel... Jiggedy-jig! ..could. Ha-ha!

Wait for the drop!

ALARM RINGS