Episode 12 The Johnny & Inel Show


Episode 12

Comedy series. Johnny is having a weird experience, rewinding and fast-forwarding on the show, what's going on? Inel explains this is what it's like to be on demand.


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Transcript


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Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel show, guys.

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# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

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# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

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# As mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing!"

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# Now we got a show on CBBC

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# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

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# It's sick cos the time is here

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# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

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# We're doing well as you can tell

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-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-And Inel. #

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Coming up on the show...

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..a fantastic performance from Gabz!

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Baggit!

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Thanks for your custom, come again.

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Eh, yo, don't forget your change.

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Blondie!

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Blondie! Into position, please, you're up next.

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Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh...

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I can do this, I can do this.

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So, let's get the show started.

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CHEERING

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Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel show.

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-We've got a top show lined up for you guys.

-Mm-hm.

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So let's start off with Greet of the Week.

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I've got a Greet of the Week.

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What? All right then, mate, come on up here and let's give it a go.

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We're all about equal opportunities.

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Aaah! TOES CRUNCH

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Sorry, sorry!

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It's all right, I've still got nine more of them little beauties.

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Oh, that's fantastic. I love that one, nice one.

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It's all right. Didn't involve me, did it?

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Let's crack on with the show, shall we?

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Later in the show we have a performance from Gabz.

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Oh, I'm so excited!

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Let's get this show rollin'! Let's cut to a sketch!

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Now it's time for more crazy characters in the ring with WWJI.

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Tonight we finally get to see

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The Taxi Driver...

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..take on The Librarian.

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Oi, I'm going to take you down to China Town!

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Shhh!

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Then we're going to get stuck in traffic... Shhh!

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Then I'm going to take you on one of the three more expensive

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scenic routes. Shh!

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And I won't be able to hear your protestations

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because I'm going to be listening to Jinel loudly on the radio.

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I'm going to file you under N for nobody.

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Then I'm going to fine you 27 pence.

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-Taking it a bit far.

-Then I'm going to shhh...

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you into submission.

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What a clash that promises to be.

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Tickets go on sale midnight tonight. Book now to avoid disappointment.

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It's a big day at the Rampz for Chad and Daryl.

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It's the day of the competition here at the Rampz,

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-and how are you feeling, Daryl?

-Ha, me?

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I'm not feeling anything yet. This is like auto-pilot for me.

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It's natural, yeah.

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Daryl, if you want to enter this competition

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you're going to have to take those stabilisers off.

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Er, what? Ha-ha-ha!

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Oi, ssh, man, it doesn't matter, yeah?

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I can still win this competition even with or without

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the stabilisers, yeah?

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Look, look, look, let me make it real simple

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so you can understand, yeah?

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It's like a Tiger, yeah, can still hunt without his stripes.

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Bam!

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Is that actually true?

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Of course, it must be true, cos lions ain't got no stripes

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and they hunt good.

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Right, well, Daryl's feeling confident, so what about you, Chad?

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Are you feeling hopeful about the competition?

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Why wouldn't I feel confident?

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I mean, yeah, you know, I took a pretty mega fall yesterday,

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you know, got a crazy gash on my leg,

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but, you know, that's just like a day in the life

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of an epic street skater like me.

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Is that the big gash there?

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Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

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But, you know, I'll fight on cos I'm cool like that.

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But I've had worse than this, way worse, haven't I, Glenn?

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I don't know, I wasn't there.

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OK, well, Glenn wasn't there,

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but, like, I've had crazy gashes on my arms, like...

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Yeah, yeah, Chad, that's great.

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Wow, it's that girl again.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! No, man!

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-Hey, Milly.

-This is so not cool.

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These ramps are for epic people only.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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come back when you've got four wheels, Scooter McScooterson.

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-Boom!

-Oh, come on, guys.

-No!

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Looks like the heat's on in the competition.

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More from the Rampz later.

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-Right, let's start off with Greet of the Week.

-What?

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I've got a Greet of the Week.

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All right, mate, why don't you jump up and let's give it a go.

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We're all about equal opportunities.

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TOES CRUNCH Ow!

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Sorry, sorry!

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-What you doing? That's the second time today, mate.

-What?

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Inel, we've done all this.

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What you talking about? We always start off with Greet of the Week.

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I must be having deja vu.

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Yeah!

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Johnny, Johnny, what you doin'? We've only just begun the show.

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Look at the time line.

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Two minutes 45? What? We've got to be further in to the show than that.

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Just get on with it!

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Oh, that was fantastic. I like that one. Nice one, yeah.

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-Still didn't involve me.

-Never mind.

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Tell everybody what's happening on the show.

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I swear we did all this.

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Oh, I'm so excited! Let's get the show rolling.

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Let's cut to a sketch.

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Did I start the show earlier? I did. I know I did.

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Why's Inel not realising it?

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The Only Way Is Blondie.

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Oh, my golly, golly gosh, how rude of me!

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I almost forgot to wish you good luck with tonight's performance.

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When you're out there on the stage really enjoy yourself,

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cos it's the last time that you're going to be in the spotlight.

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CHEERING

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So, welcome to the Stepton High Talent Show!

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Remember, inner chi.

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It's a tree!

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..With one of the favourites for tonight's competition.

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Well, you've seen her make-up range, you've heard her catchphrases.

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Guys, give it up for Shanice.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hey to all my people out there!

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So, Shanice, how does it feel to be one of the favourites

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for tonight's competition?

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Well...

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MICROPHONE SQUEALS

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Well, you know, I thought I'd be surprised when I heard the news

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this morning, but in actual fact I was...

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MAKES ANIMALS SOUNDS

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It's a monkey.

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..and tonight I'm going to prove it

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by winning this talent show right now.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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The elephant...

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MAKES ELEPHANT NOISE

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SONG: "Independent Woman" by Destiny's Child

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# The watch I'm wearing I bought it

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# The house I live in I bought it

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# The car I'm driving I bought it

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# I depend on me I depend on me

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# All the women who independent

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# Throw your hands up at me... #

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Get up! Get up!

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# All the mommas who profit dollars

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# Throw your hands up at me

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# All the ladies who truly feel me

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# Throw your hands up at me

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# Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that

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# Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

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# Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that

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# Charlie, how your Angels get down like that... #

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Oh, my gosh, Shanice!

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That performance was absolutely fantastic.

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I was like, "Oh, my gosh!"

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You should be well proud of yourself. Take a bow.

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OK, fair enough.

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Oh, my days! Oh, my days!

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The way they buckled! Did you see? It was like buck-buck-buckaroo!

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Blondie, into position, please! You're up next.

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Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh my gosh!

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I can do this. I can do this.

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WE can do this!

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Together we can.

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ALL: I'm sorry!

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Jinx!

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Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby,

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I'm being serious now.

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Like, I'm really sorry.

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I shouldn't have pushed the both of you away.

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That's, like, really bad and selfish of me, cos, like, being BFFs

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means, like, for ever. Hug!

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Now that I've got my friends back, now it's time for us to show

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the world what the Destiny's Child

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All The Single Ladies Super Dance Group

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are all about. Yes!

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Great to see Blondie and the girls back together.

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Now let's head over to the supermarket. Baggit!

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Where's Boyyer today?

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-He's...yeah, yeah, Boyyer's not in today...

-Aww.

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..but you can use our self-service check out machine, bro.

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Ooh! Oh, thank you.

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-Beep!

-Oh!

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-Beep!

-He-he-he!

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Urr! Unexpected item in the bagging area.

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Oh...

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Urr! Unexpected item in the bagging area, bruv!

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Urr! Don't let me have to tell you again, yeah?

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-Excuse me?

-Thief!

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-I think there's something wrong with your machine.

-Thief!

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-She's trying to thief out all the tings dem!

-I think it's broken!

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-Yo, Police!

-Oh, I'm not trying to steal from you.

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I'd like to report a robbery, yeah?

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Someone was trying to thief all of the food.

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Fine! Fine!

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Beep!

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That'll be £2.48, please.

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Thank you. Thanks for your custom. Come again.

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Eh, yo! Don't forget your change.

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-Thank you.

-No worries. Have a nice day.

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Safe, bruv.

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# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes... #

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Hold up, hold up. Inel, stop walking.

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Hold up, what's going on here?

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We should be in the sketch by now, I know we should.

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I'm good in that one as well. Oh, not this again.

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We've done this already.

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Welcome back to the Johnny Kyle show with my guest today, Goldilocks.

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Let me get this straight...

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You not only have broken into their house, eaten their porridge,

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broken their furniture and actually had the cheek to have a kip

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in their bed!

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Actually, if you must know, it was only Baby Bear's bed.

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BABY BEAR CRIES

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There, there, Baby Bear, it'll be all right.

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It was their own fault.

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I don't know what twisted little world you're living in, young lady,

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where you think it's OK to go wandering into someone's house,

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uninvited, break their furniture!

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I mean, where were you raised - the woods?!

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Preach!

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How dare you? Not even my own dad speaks to me like that.

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Well, maybe, just maybe, if he had spoken to you like that

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you would've been raised with enough decency to actually apologise

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to this poor family and stop acting like a spoilt little brat!

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I am a person, a human being, and you do not talk to me like that,

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OK? Especially when they are just a pack of animals.

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BABY BEAR CRIES

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Oh, be quiet, you big baby!

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And you, I don't know why you're moaning about your porridge.

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-It was HARDLY award-winning.

-It is, it is!

-And you,

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I do not know why you would plan a walk just after your wife

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has been slaving away in the kitchen all morning making you porridge.

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-Talk about unappreciative!

-I do appreciate, I do appreciate.

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If anything, I did you a favour eating your porridge.

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It would have been stone-cold. So, great idea.

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I would've warmed it up in the microwave.

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And you... I just don't like you.

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I have had about enough of this!

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Nobody - I said, nobody - talks to me like that on my show!

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-Get her out of here now!

-Don't touch me.

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Do not touch... Do not put your hands on me.

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-Hold up.

-Thank you.

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I've had a better idea. Back off. Back off.

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Look away, this could get messy.

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What? What are you doing? What do you think you're doing?

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GROWLING

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FEMALE SCREAMS

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Ow!

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Sorry.

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Sorry means you've changed behaviour. You've got no spatial awareness.

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This is your greet...

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-How did you know that?

-It's been done already.

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Look, guys, this show keeps jumping all over the place.

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We've started the show three times already.

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Next thing you know, we'll be jumping back to the start of the show again!

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RINGING

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# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes... #

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No! Stop, stop, stop, stop! Stop, please!

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I've got a greet of the week.

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-All right, then, mate. Jump up and let's give it a go.

-Sit down, Suzie.

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You've been treading on my toes ALL day. I've already had to do

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three greets today.

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Now, I've worked out what's going on here.

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Some tyrant at home keeps fast- forwarding and rewinding the show.

0:13:570:14:01

Well, I tell you what, I'm not going to march to the beat of your drum.

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You might be able to get SOME sheep on TV to do it

0:14:050:14:08

-but I'm not one of them.

-How rude!

0:14:080:14:11

You think I like repeating myself over and over on TV, do you, yeah?

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One minute, 20.

0:14:150:14:16

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel Show, guys!

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Five minutes, 40.

0:14:200:14:21

A-ha!

0:14:210:14:23

20 seconds in.

0:14:230:14:24

The sun's out shining, I better stop rhyming,

0:14:240:14:26

Mum's always telling me, fix up your timing! Ha!

0:14:260:14:30

Do you know how many times I have to dress up as a woman on this show?

0:14:300:14:32

Every single episode!

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How many times has Johnny done it? None! Exactly.

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Do you see me complaining, though? No! I just get on with it,

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because that's what it is - it's On Demand!

0:14:420:14:45

People can fast forward and rewind TV whenever they like nowadays.

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Do you think I like it when people pause me mid-sentence,

0:14:490:14:52

while they go out to make a cup of tea?!

0:14:520:14:54

That's not a problem for me, Inel.

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Doesn't matter you pause me, I still look good.

0:14:580:15:01

-Hey! Yeah!

-No!

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I can't stop doing it!

0:15:090:15:11

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel Show, guys!

0:15:110:15:15

CHEERING

0:15:150:15:17

Please stop! Will you have some mercy?

0:15:170:15:21

-(Say your line.)

-Why do you always smile?

0:15:210:15:24

We're trapped in here!

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Cos I'm happy!

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LAUGHTER

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This is a message for the person at home, OK?

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Just watch the show as it was intended to be watched, OK?

0:15:320:15:36

Nice try, Johnny, but we're fast-forwarding to the Rampz

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and it's competition time.

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All right. Next up, we have Daryl Walker.

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-Good luck, Daryl!

-Got this. Don't need no luck.

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LAUGHTER

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What a loser!

0:16:150:16:17

-Yo, don't I even get bonus points for that?

-I don't think so, Daryl.

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So, after that, erm, interesting performance, Daryl scores

0:16:230:16:28

-a three out of ten.

-This thing's rigged, you know.

0:16:280:16:32

Next up, we have...Chad Walker.

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APPLAUSE

0:16:370:16:39

So, with Daryl doing so badly, you have a real chance here, Chad,

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to win this competition and banish him from the rampz.

0:16:420:16:46

Yeah, man, it's great. It's time to take back control for the skaters

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and the only way that's going to happen is if the skaters get

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a real hero. And that's me - Chad.

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I'm the hero. It's me, it's me. Let's do this!

0:16:550:16:58

-You all right there, Daryl?

-I'm stuck, man. I'm stuck.

0:17:000:17:03

Ain't no-one going to help?

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ALL: Go, Skate Till Late!

0:17:080:17:10

Right, back off, guys. Things are going to get serious.

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Right now, make sure you catch this,

0:17:140:17:16

cos things are never going to be the same again.

0:17:160:17:18

All right, we're rolling.

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-Look out!

-Argh! Oh, man!

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Argh! Oh, no! A real wound!

0:17:300:17:34

Oh, God! So much blood!

0:17:340:17:36

Argh!

0:17:360:17:38

I'm going dizzy.

0:17:380:17:39

No! Too weak.

0:17:410:17:43

And the winner of the 2014 Rampz Competition is...

0:17:430:17:46

-..Milly, on her scooter!

-Well done, Milly!

0:17:480:17:51

APPLAUSE

0:17:510:17:55

-Well?

-Well, what?

0:18:020:18:04

-Well, get on your bike and leave the rampz, Daryl. I run them now.

-What?

0:18:040:18:08

-You heard me - get out of here.

-Fine.

0:18:080:18:11

Wow, that was so cool, Milly.

0:18:130:18:16

Nice one.

0:18:160:18:17

Yeah, you're going, as well. This is scooter territory now.

0:18:170:18:20

So harsh! Let's go, Skate Till Late.

0:18:200:18:24

So, that's competition over.

0:18:270:18:29

It looks like it might be the end of the Skate Till Late crew.

0:18:290:18:32

As for Daryl Biker Boss, will he be returning to his stabilisers?

0:18:320:18:36

Daryl?

0:18:400:18:41

Daryl, are you all... Are you all right there?

0:18:410:18:44

Daryl...should you really do that?

0:18:470:18:51

Daryl...

0:18:520:18:54

Oh, never mind.

0:18:560:18:57

Well, that brings us to the end of our exclusive look

0:19:030:19:06

at the skate rampz.

0:19:060:19:08

It's been...interesting.

0:19:100:19:13

All the best to Chad and Daryl.

0:19:150:19:17

Kids...you being bullied at school?

0:19:300:19:33

Kids calling you names? You being pushed around a bit?

0:19:340:19:38

Then, you need this...

0:19:390:19:41

MASS GASPING

0:19:410:19:44

That's right. For just £20, you can have this state-of-the-art

0:19:440:19:48

anti-bullying device, which is currently taking America by storm.

0:19:480:19:52

With its thin, shell-like shell on the outside, housing that

0:19:520:19:56

yellow and white runny liquid on the inside,

0:19:560:19:58

it's the perfect antidote to any of your bullying situations.

0:19:580:20:02

Deliberately bumping into you? Bump him with an egg!

0:20:020:20:06

Making fun of your glasses? Bump him with an egg!

0:20:060:20:09

Only £20! Order now while stocks last.

0:20:090:20:13

And for an extra £5, you can get this state-of-the-art protective casing.

0:20:130:20:17

Oh, my gosh, now it's time for Destiny's Child,

0:20:190:20:22

All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dance Troupe to claim their crown!

0:20:220:20:25

-# Who run the world?

-Girls!

-Who run the world?

-Girls!

0:20:270:20:30

-# Who run the world?

-Girls!

-Who run this motha?

-Girls!

0:20:300:20:34

-# Who run this motha?

-Girls!

-Who run this motha?

-Girls!

0:20:340:20:37

-# Who run this motha?

-Girls!

-# Who run?! #

0:20:370:20:40

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:400:20:43

Oh, my gosh, my mum's here.

0:20:450:20:47

Hi, Mum!

0:20:490:20:50

Oh, my gosh! I've won, I've won, I've won! I've won!

0:20:510:20:56

My performance was, like, perf! It was, like, totes ridic!

0:20:560:20:59

It was proper amazing! Oh, I'm gushing! I'm proper proud of myself!

0:20:590:21:04

Obviously you girls are awesome, as well. Goes without saying.

0:21:040:21:07

-Standard!

-Regular!

0:21:070:21:09

Oh, my gosh, I'm so relieved. I've been through so much this last term.

0:21:090:21:14

I feel like I need to retire. So many pressures in my life right now,

0:21:140:21:18

I don't know how I got through it all, but I did.

0:21:180:21:20

Oh, I promised, not on TV, not on TV!

0:21:200:21:24

BLOWING

0:21:250:21:27

-Rubes, what are you doing?!

-Sorry.

0:21:270:21:29

Now that the drama's over,

0:21:290:21:31

I can go back to being the most popular girl in school!

0:21:310:21:34

Ha-ha! I just won!

0:21:340:21:35

-Oh, my days, you'll never guess who's just got with your mum?!

-Who?!

0:21:350:21:41

Oh, my golly, golly,

0:21:410:21:45

g-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-sh!

0:21:450:21:49

See you later, Blondie. It's been amazing!

0:21:490:21:52

Finally, the show's back to normal.

0:21:520:21:54

From her first auditions on Britain's Got Talent

0:21:570:21:59

this young performer's been amazing audiences everywhere!

0:21:590:22:02

And now, performing her second single, Lie There,

0:22:020:22:06

guys, give it up for the amazing Gabz!

0:22:060:22:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:090:22:12

MUSIC: "Lie There" by Gabz Gardiner

0:22:120:22:15

# I just take my heart and let go of your hand

0:22:180:22:21

# And bury it right in the sand and just lie there

0:22:210:22:24

# Just lie there, just lie there

0:22:240:22:28

# Been here a couple times before For sure, but someone always ends up

0:22:290:22:33

# Walking out the door Feels like love will never work out

0:22:330:22:36

# It feels like I always end up getting let down

0:22:360:22:39

# Now, I always ends up like I started at the start

0:22:390:22:42

# And I wish we hadn't parted cos you broken my heart again

0:22:420:22:45

# And we're friends in the end, like the trend

0:22:450:22:48

# But I'll meet someone else and it starts over again

0:22:480:22:51

# I just take my heart and let go of your hand

0:22:510:22:54

# And bury it right in the sand and just lie there

0:22:540:22:57

# Just lie there, just lie there Just lie there

0:22:570:23:01

# I'll just get a box and lock away my tears

0:23:010:23:05

# And watch the memories disappear and just lie there

0:23:050:23:08

# Just lie there, just lie there

0:23:080:23:12

# After that I say I'll never fall in love again

0:23:120:23:15

# We meet and promise that we'll just be friends

0:23:150:23:18

# We decide to get together and I think you're the one

0:23:180:23:21

# Then you shoot through my heart like a laser gun

0:23:210:23:23

# Now, I think I've fallen for that for the last time

0:23:230:23:26

# So I'll forget about the boys and just stick to the rhymes

0:23:260:23:29

# Again and we're friends in the end, like the trend

0:23:290:23:31

# But I'll meet someone else and it starts over again

0:23:310:23:34

# I'll just take a box and lock away my tears

0:23:340:23:37

# And watch the memories disappear and just lie there... #

0:23:370:23:41

-What an amazing performance that was from Gabz.

-Yeah, absolutely amazing!

0:23:410:23:46

I've got to be honest, it's been a bit of a weird episode, but...

0:23:460:23:49

That's how On Demand works, I guess, Johnny.

0:23:490:23:51

Well, I'm just pleased we got to end the episode in a normal fashion.

0:23:510:23:56

Oh, yeah!

0:23:560:23:57

What's going on!? Stop! No!

0:23:580:24:01

RINGING

0:24:010:24:02

Oh, for goodness' sake!

0:24:020:24:04

A-ha!

0:24:040:24:06

Johnny is having a weird experience, rewinding and fast-forwarding on the show, what's going on? Inel explains this is what it's like to be on demand! Gabz performs in studio.


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