Episode 12 The Johnny & Inel Show

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel show, guys.

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

# As mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing!"

# Now we got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

# It's sick cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well as you can tell

-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-And Inel. #

Coming up on the show...

..a fantastic performance from Gabz!

Baggit!

Thanks for your custom, come again.

Eh, yo, don't forget your change.

Blondie!

Blondie! Into position, please, you're up next.

Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh...

I can do this, I can do this.

So, let's get the show started.

CHEERING

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel show.

-We've got a top show lined up for you guys.

-Mm-hm.

So let's start off with Greet of the Week.

I've got a Greet of the Week.

What? All right then, mate, come on up here and let's give it a go.

We're all about equal opportunities.

Aaah! TOES CRUNCH

Sorry, sorry!

It's all right, I've still got nine more of them little beauties.

Oh, that's fantastic. I love that one, nice one.

It's all right. Didn't involve me, did it?

Let's crack on with the show, shall we?

Later in the show we have a performance from Gabz.

Oh, I'm so excited!

Let's get this show rollin'! Let's cut to a sketch!

Now it's time for more crazy characters in the ring with WWJI.

Tonight we finally get to see

The Taxi Driver...

..take on The Librarian.

Oi, I'm going to take you down to China Town!

Shhh!

Then we're going to get stuck in traffic... Shhh!

Then I'm going to take you on one of the three more expensive

scenic routes. Shh!

And I won't be able to hear your protestations

because I'm going to be listening to Jinel loudly on the radio.

I'm going to file you under N for nobody.

Then I'm going to fine you 27 pence.

-Taking it a bit far.

-Then I'm going to shhh...

you into submission.

What a clash that promises to be.

Tickets go on sale midnight tonight. Book now to avoid disappointment.

It's a big day at the Rampz for Chad and Daryl.

It's the day of the competition here at the Rampz,

-and how are you feeling, Daryl?

-Ha, me?

I'm not feeling anything yet. This is like auto-pilot for me.

It's natural, yeah.

Daryl, if you want to enter this competition

you're going to have to take those stabilisers off.

Er, what? Ha-ha-ha!

Oi, ssh, man, it doesn't matter, yeah?

I can still win this competition even with or without

the stabilisers, yeah?

Look, look, look, let me make it real simple

so you can understand, yeah?

It's like a Tiger, yeah, can still hunt without his stripes.

Bam!

Is that actually true?

Of course, it must be true, cos lions ain't got no stripes

and they hunt good.

Right, well, Daryl's feeling confident, so what about you, Chad?

Are you feeling hopeful about the competition?

Why wouldn't I feel confident?

I mean, yeah, you know, I took a pretty mega fall yesterday,

you know, got a crazy gash on my leg,

but, you know, that's just like a day in the life

of an epic street skater like me.

Is that the big gash there?

Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

But, you know, I'll fight on cos I'm cool like that.

But I've had worse than this, way worse, haven't I, Glenn?

I don't know, I wasn't there.

OK, well, Glenn wasn't there,

but, like, I've had crazy gashes on my arms, like...

Yeah, yeah, Chad, that's great.

Wow, it's that girl again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! No, man!

-Hey, Milly.

-This is so not cool.

These ramps are for epic people only.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

come back when you've got four wheels, Scooter McScooterson.

-Boom!

-Oh, come on, guys.

-No!

Looks like the heat's on in the competition.

More from the Rampz later.

-Right, let's start off with Greet of the Week.

-What?

I've got a Greet of the Week.

All right, mate, why don't you jump up and let's give it a go.

We're all about equal opportunities.

TOES CRUNCH Ow!

Sorry, sorry!

-What you doing? That's the second time today, mate.

-What?

Inel, we've done all this.

What you talking about? We always start off with Greet of the Week.

I must be having deja vu.

Yeah!

Johnny, Johnny, what you doin'? We've only just begun the show.

Look at the time line.

Two minutes 45? What? We've got to be further in to the show than that.

Just get on with it!

Oh, that was fantastic. I like that one. Nice one, yeah.

-Still didn't involve me.

-Never mind.

Tell everybody what's happening on the show.

I swear we did all this.

Oh, I'm so excited! Let's get the show rolling.

Let's cut to a sketch.

Did I start the show earlier? I did. I know I did.

Why's Inel not realising it?

The Only Way Is Blondie.

Oh, my golly, golly gosh, how rude of me!

I almost forgot to wish you good luck with tonight's performance.

When you're out there on the stage really enjoy yourself,

cos it's the last time that you're going to be in the spotlight.

CHEERING

So, welcome to the Stepton High Talent Show!

Remember, inner chi.

It's a tree!

..With one of the favourites for tonight's competition.

Well, you've seen her make-up range, you've heard her catchphrases.

Guys, give it up for Shanice.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hey to all my people out there!

So, Shanice, how does it feel to be one of the favourites

for tonight's competition?

Well...

MICROPHONE SQUEALS

Well, you know, I thought I'd be surprised when I heard the news

this morning, but in actual fact I was...

MAKES ANIMALS SOUNDS

It's a monkey.

..and tonight I'm going to prove it

by winning this talent show right now.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The elephant...

MAKES ELEPHANT NOISE

SONG: "Independent Woman" by Destiny's Child

# The watch I'm wearing I bought it

# The house I live in I bought it

# The car I'm driving I bought it

# I depend on me I depend on me

# All the women who independent

# Throw your hands up at me... #

Get up! Get up!

# All the mommas who profit dollars

# Throw your hands up at me

# All the ladies who truly feel me

# Throw your hands up at me

# Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that

# Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

# Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that

# Charlie, how your Angels get down like that... #

Oh, my gosh, Shanice!

That performance was absolutely fantastic.

I was like, "Oh, my gosh!"

You should be well proud of yourself. Take a bow.

OK, fair enough.

Oh, my days! Oh, my days!

The way they buckled! Did you see? It was like buck-buck-buckaroo!

Blondie, into position, please! You're up next.

Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh my gosh!

I can do this. I can do this.

WE can do this!

Together we can.

ALL: I'm sorry!

Jinx!

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby,

I'm being serious now.

Like, I'm really sorry.

I shouldn't have pushed the both of you away.

That's, like, really bad and selfish of me, cos, like, being BFFs

means, like, for ever. Hug!

Now that I've got my friends back, now it's time for us to show

the world what the Destiny's Child

All The Single Ladies Super Dance Group

are all about. Yes!

Great to see Blondie and the girls back together.

Now let's head over to the supermarket. Baggit!

Where's Boyyer today?

-He's...yeah, yeah, Boyyer's not in today...

-Aww.

..but you can use our self-service check out machine, bro.

Ooh! Oh, thank you.

-Beep!

-Oh!

-Beep!

-He-he-he!

Urr! Unexpected item in the bagging area.

Oh...

Urr! Unexpected item in the bagging area, bruv!

Urr! Don't let me have to tell you again, yeah?

-Excuse me?

-Thief!

-I think there's something wrong with your machine.

-Thief!

-She's trying to thief out all the tings dem!

-I think it's broken!

-Yo, Police!

-Oh, I'm not trying to steal from you.

I'd like to report a robbery, yeah?

Someone was trying to thief all of the food.

Fine! Fine!

Beep!

That'll be £2.48, please.

Thank you. Thanks for your custom. Come again.

Eh, yo! Don't forget your change.

-Thank you.

-No worries. Have a nice day.

Safe, bruv.

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes... #

Hold up, hold up. Inel, stop walking.

Hold up, what's going on here?

We should be in the sketch by now, I know we should.

I'm good in that one as well. Oh, not this again.

We've done this already.

Welcome back to the Johnny Kyle show with my guest today, Goldilocks.

Let me get this straight...

You not only have broken into their house, eaten their porridge,

broken their furniture and actually had the cheek to have a kip

in their bed!

Actually, if you must know, it was only Baby Bear's bed.

BABY BEAR CRIES

There, there, Baby Bear, it'll be all right.

It was their own fault.

I don't know what twisted little world you're living in, young lady,

where you think it's OK to go wandering into someone's house,

uninvited, break their furniture!

I mean, where were you raised - the woods?!

Preach!

How dare you? Not even my own dad speaks to me like that.

Well, maybe, just maybe, if he had spoken to you like that

you would've been raised with enough decency to actually apologise

to this poor family and stop acting like a spoilt little brat!

I am a person, a human being, and you do not talk to me like that,

OK? Especially when they are just a pack of animals.

BABY BEAR CRIES

Oh, be quiet, you big baby!

And you, I don't know why you're moaning about your porridge.

-It was HARDLY award-winning.

-It is, it is!

-And you,

I do not know why you would plan a walk just after your wife

has been slaving away in the kitchen all morning making you porridge.

-Talk about unappreciative!

-I do appreciate, I do appreciate.

If anything, I did you a favour eating your porridge.

It would have been stone-cold. So, great idea.

I would've warmed it up in the microwave.

And you... I just don't like you.

I have had about enough of this!

Nobody - I said, nobody - talks to me like that on my show!

-Get her out of here now!

-Don't touch me.

Do not touch... Do not put your hands on me.

-Hold up.

-Thank you.

I've had a better idea. Back off. Back off.

Look away, this could get messy.

What? What are you doing? What do you think you're doing?

GROWLING

FEMALE SCREAMS

Ow!

Sorry.

Sorry means you've changed behaviour. You've got no spatial awareness.

This is your greet...

-How did you know that?

-It's been done already.

Look, guys, this show keeps jumping all over the place.

We've started the show three times already.

Next thing you know, we'll be jumping back to the start of the show again!

RINGING

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes... #

No! Stop, stop, stop, stop! Stop, please!

I've got a greet of the week.

-All right, then, mate. Jump up and let's give it a go.

-Sit down, Suzie.

You've been treading on my toes ALL day. I've already had to do

three greets today.

Now, I've worked out what's going on here.

Some tyrant at home keeps fast- forwarding and rewinding the show.

Well, I tell you what, I'm not going to march to the beat of your drum.

You might be able to get SOME sheep on TV to do it

-but I'm not one of them.

-How rude!

You think I like repeating myself over and over on TV, do you, yeah?

One minute, 20.

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel Show, guys!

Five minutes, 40.

A-ha!

20 seconds in.

The sun's out shining, I better stop rhyming,

Mum's always telling me, fix up your timing! Ha!

Do you know how many times I have to dress up as a woman on this show?

Every single episode!

How many times has Johnny done it? None! Exactly.

Do you see me complaining, though? No! I just get on with it,

because that's what it is - it's On Demand!

People can fast forward and rewind TV whenever they like nowadays.

Do you think I like it when people pause me mid-sentence,

while they go out to make a cup of tea?!

That's not a problem for me, Inel.

Doesn't matter you pause me, I still look good.

-Hey! Yeah!

-No!

I can't stop doing it!

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel Show, guys!

CHEERING

Please stop! Will you have some mercy?

-(Say your line.)

-Why do you always smile?

We're trapped in here!

Cos I'm happy!

LAUGHTER

This is a message for the person at home, OK?

Just watch the show as it was intended to be watched, OK?

Nice try, Johnny, but we're fast-forwarding to the Rampz

and it's competition time.

All right. Next up, we have Daryl Walker.

-Good luck, Daryl!

-Got this. Don't need no luck.

LAUGHTER

What a loser!

-Yo, don't I even get bonus points for that?

-I don't think so, Daryl.

So, after that, erm, interesting performance, Daryl scores

-a three out of ten.

-This thing's rigged, you know.

Next up, we have...Chad Walker.

APPLAUSE

So, with Daryl doing so badly, you have a real chance here, Chad,

to win this competition and banish him from the rampz.

Yeah, man, it's great. It's time to take back control for the skaters

and the only way that's going to happen is if the skaters get

a real hero. And that's me - Chad.

I'm the hero. It's me, it's me. Let's do this!

-You all right there, Daryl?

-I'm stuck, man. I'm stuck.

Ain't no-one going to help?

ALL: Go, Skate Till Late!

Right, back off, guys. Things are going to get serious.

Right now, make sure you catch this,

cos things are never going to be the same again.

All right, we're rolling.

-Look out!

-Argh! Oh, man!

Argh! Oh, no! A real wound!

Oh, God! So much blood!

Argh!

I'm going dizzy.

No! Too weak.

And the winner of the 2014 Rampz Competition is...

-..Milly, on her scooter!

-Well done, Milly!

APPLAUSE

-Well?

-Well, what?

-Well, get on your bike and leave the rampz, Daryl. I run them now.

-What?

-You heard me - get out of here.

-Fine.

Wow, that was so cool, Milly.

Nice one.

Yeah, you're going, as well. This is scooter territory now.

So harsh! Let's go, Skate Till Late.

So, that's competition over.

It looks like it might be the end of the Skate Till Late crew.

As for Daryl Biker Boss, will he be returning to his stabilisers?

Daryl?

Daryl, are you all... Are you all right there?

Daryl...should you really do that?

Daryl...

Oh, never mind.

Well, that brings us to the end of our exclusive look

at the skate rampz.

It's been...interesting.

All the best to Chad and Daryl.

Kids...you being bullied at school?

Kids calling you names? You being pushed around a bit?

Then, you need this...

MASS GASPING

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Deliberately bumping into you? Bump him with an egg!

Making fun of your glasses? Bump him with an egg!

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Oh, my gosh, now it's time for Destiny's Child,

All The Single Ladies Super-Talented Dance Troupe to claim their crown!

-# Who run the world?

-Girls!

-Who run the world?

-Girls!

-# Who run the world?

-Girls!

-Who run this motha?

-Girls!

-# Who run this motha?

-Girls!

-Who run this motha?

-Girls!

-# Who run this motha?

-Girls!

-# Who run?! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, my gosh, my mum's here.

Hi, Mum!

Oh, my gosh! I've won, I've won, I've won! I've won!

My performance was, like, perf! It was, like, totes ridic!

It was proper amazing! Oh, I'm gushing! I'm proper proud of myself!

Obviously you girls are awesome, as well. Goes without saying.

-Standard!

-Regular!

Oh, my gosh, I'm so relieved. I've been through so much this last term.

I feel like I need to retire. So many pressures in my life right now,

I don't know how I got through it all, but I did.

Oh, I promised, not on TV, not on TV!

BLOWING

-Rubes, what are you doing?!

-Sorry.

Now that the drama's over,

I can go back to being the most popular girl in school!

Ha-ha! I just won!

-Oh, my days, you'll never guess who's just got with your mum?!

-Who?!

Oh, my golly, golly,

g-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-sh!

See you later, Blondie. It's been amazing!

Finally, the show's back to normal.

From her first auditions on Britain's Got Talent

this young performer's been amazing audiences everywhere!

And now, performing her second single, Lie There,

guys, give it up for the amazing Gabz!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: "Lie There" by Gabz Gardiner

# I just take my heart and let go of your hand

# And bury it right in the sand and just lie there

# Just lie there, just lie there

# Been here a couple times before For sure, but someone always ends up

# Walking out the door Feels like love will never work out

# It feels like I always end up getting let down

# Now, I always ends up like I started at the start

# And I wish we hadn't parted cos you broken my heart again

# And we're friends in the end, like the trend

# But I'll meet someone else and it starts over again

# I just take my heart and let go of your hand

# And bury it right in the sand and just lie there

# Just lie there, just lie there Just lie there

# I'll just get a box and lock away my tears

# And watch the memories disappear and just lie there

# Just lie there, just lie there

# After that I say I'll never fall in love again

# We meet and promise that we'll just be friends

# We decide to get together and I think you're the one

# Then you shoot through my heart like a laser gun

# Now, I think I've fallen for that for the last time

# So I'll forget about the boys and just stick to the rhymes

# Again and we're friends in the end, like the trend

# But I'll meet someone else and it starts over again

# I'll just take a box and lock away my tears

# And watch the memories disappear and just lie there... #

-What an amazing performance that was from Gabz.

-Yeah, absolutely amazing!

I've got to be honest, it's been a bit of a weird episode, but...

That's how On Demand works, I guess, Johnny.

Well, I'm just pleased we got to end the episode in a normal fashion.

Oh, yeah!

What's going on!? Stop! No!

RINGING

Oh, for goodness' sake!

A-ha!