Episode 3 The Johnny & Inel Show


Episode 3

Comedy series. The J and I crew go on a team-bonding session. Johnny and Inel want to win, but will the rest of the team let them?


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel show, guys.

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RAP: My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

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The sun's out shining I'd better stop rhyming

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As Mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing"

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Now we got a show on CBBC

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Sure all of my fans will be out to see me

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Get set, cos the time is here

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Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

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-BOTH:

-We're doing well as you can tell

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So here comes the show with Johnny

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And Inel.

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Coming up on today's show...

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We have Conor Maynard...

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# Conor...Maynard! #

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..and the Only Way Is Blondie...

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Hiya! Obviously, this is my room.

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Come on in, I'm going to show you around.

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..and more from Chatty Mates.

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-Trying to impress someone, are we?

-Oh, shut up!

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Maybe.

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On today's show, we've been let out of the studio

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to do some team bonding.

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Can't wait, can't wait!

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This was a great idea of yours, Brennan,

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bringing us on a team bonding day to celebrate a new series.

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Right, yeah.

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Oh, I mean, bringing us to a bowling alley to kick-start off the day.

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I'm so excited!

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Nothing like friendly competition to bring us all together.

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Team One. My cousin, Mo the Runner,

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and super-cool DJ Gayle.

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We're going to win, aren't we, Brennan?

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Yes.

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Team Two. Dinah the Producer -

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she always wants to win.

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And Brennan the Director.

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At least he tries.

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-We've got this in the bag, Inel.

-Yeah!

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Last, but definitely not least -

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Team Three, the only team that matters.

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Johnny and Inel.

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Right, so three teams going head-to-head in three activities.

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What do the winners get?

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A mystery prize. That's right, isn't it, Brennan?

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Yeah, Mm-hm!

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Well, as long as the mystery prize is a giant ice cream.

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Yeah, well, you won't be tasting any of it...anyway!

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Right?

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Bowling!

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Mm!

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I can't stand that guy, Mo.

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He's my cousin, you know?

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Well, someone needs to take him down a peg or two.

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-He's just a bit hyped-up.

-BELL RINGS

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Lanes up! No rush!

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Whoa! Gayle's pretty good.

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Oooh! Double strike, eh, Mo? OK!

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-He's such a big-head.

-Mm.

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# Skid on them knees I've got them greenies!#

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Yeah!

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'Strike! Ah-ha! That's what I'm talkin' about!

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-'Whoa.

-She's got to be embarrassed about that.

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'Ooh! That's gotta hurt!

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'Yeah, that was a full face-plant.'

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Somebody needs to have a word with Brennan, he's pretty upset.

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THEY ALL SNIGGER

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'The winners of team bonding round one?

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'Mo the Runner and DJ Gayle.'

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APPLAUSE

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Next up, world wrestling Johnny and Inel style.

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You've never seen anything like this.

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DING-DING-DING!

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Fighting for the international world title, it's...

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The Grrrrowler!

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GRRRR!

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I wonder how The Growler rates his chances for tonight.

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GRRRR-RRRR-RRRR!

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And in the red corner -

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in the smart button-up shirt and the reading glasses -

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when he's not lending books, he's throwing left hooks,

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when he's not a librarian, he's being a scary-un!

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The defending champion...

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The Librrrrrarian!

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And the question we're all asking today is...

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will The Librarian continue his winning ways?

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GRRRR!

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RRRRRARGH!

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Ssh!

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-RRAR...!

-Ssh!

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-RRR...

-Ssh!

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-Rrr...

-Sssssh!

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-Arrr...

-Ssh!

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-ARR...

-Ssh!

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-Orr...

-Ssh!

-Rrrr...

-Ssh!

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-Darrr!

-Ssh!

-Grr!

-Ssh!

-Gorr!

-Ssh!

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-Gurr!

-Ssh!

-Garg!

-Ssh!

-Gogg!

-Ssh!

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-As I was saying, do you think...?

-Sssh!

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-Sorry.

-Ssssshh!

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So join us at 3am,

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just £17 for 20 minutes of entertainment with the...

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-Shh!

-(Sorry.)

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-Ah-choo!

-Sssssssshh!

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DING!

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APPLAUSE

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ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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Sh! MUSIC STOPS

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It's time for The Only Way Is Blondie.

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Since I was so popular on The Johnny And Inel Show last year,

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the BBC have decided to give me my own show!

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-SHE LAUGHS

-Standard!

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I've decided that I'm going to make you both my BFFs.

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THEY SCREAM

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-# Who run the world?

-Girls

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-# Who run the world?

-Girls. #

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Now a lot of you have been messaging and texting me,

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asking how does a real down-to-earth celebrity live?

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Well, today, I'm going to show you!

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Hi there, CBBC!

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It's me, Blondie, as you probably already know.

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And welcome to...Blondie's Cribs!

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Do you wanna meet my family?

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Follow me!

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Er, excuse me.

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Shoes off first, please!

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Were you raised in a barn or something?

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Thank you.

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Shut the door on your way in.

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Hiya! Obviously, this is my room.

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Come on in, I'm going to show you around.

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And this is my make-up table,

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complete with my Blackberry Crush make-up range.

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Over here, we've got my mobiles. Oh, my gosh.

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Every girl should get a walkie.

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If you don't have unlimited minutes on your contract phone,

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get a walkie between you and a couple of your mates

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and you're sorted! Amaze!

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Hello! Ruby! We're coming round for a sleepover tonight.

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Tell Michelle. Over.

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Ruby, I said we're coming round for a sleepover.

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Did you get that? Over.

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Sometimes she's a bit slow responding.

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Oh, my golly-golly-gosh, Ruby!

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You'd better be on the toilet or have a substanch reason

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to why you're not responding, cos you're really embarrassing me

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in front of the cameras right now. Over.

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OH, MY GOSH, RUBY!

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How many times have a told you to leave your walkie on the stand

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to charge overnight?!

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My gosh. She's well selfish.

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Over.

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Who's going to win the next round of team bonding? Let's find out.

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Nice one, Brennan.

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Crazy golf as part of our team bonding session?

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-That's really imaginative.

-I hope so.

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Team bonding round two, crazy golf.

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We're winning, we're in the lead.

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Step aside, step aside.

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'Ere, Johnny. If they win another one,

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they've got the mystery prize in the bag.

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Yeah, you're right.

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But don't worry - we've got this.

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This event's as good as ours.

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Do you, er, want me to go first?

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What?

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Do you want me to tee off?

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Yeah, yeah, drink what you want. Yeah.

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THEY LAUGH

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Bogey!

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If you can just... Just have a go, can't you?

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Ooh!

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That's gotta hurt.

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Ssh!

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Let's go, let's go.

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APPLAUSE

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Come on, Inel! She's winning!

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I want that mystery prize!

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Huh? What did you say?

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I can't hear you - I'm in the jungle.

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Ugh.

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Argh!

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Ohhh!

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That's it.

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Oh!

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Yes!

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Ha-ha-ha! Did you see that?!

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Boom! Ha-ha-ha!

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Oi! What you doin'?

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You're drinking my can of ginger beer

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after I just won the game for us?!

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Chill out - I didn't backwash it.

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Eurgh!

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Well, that's one in the can for Team Johnny and Inel -

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winners of team bonding round two.

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Who's turned up at Rudy and Boyyer's checkout? Let's find out.

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Baggit!

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STOMACH GURGLES

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-Rudy, bruv!

-Boyyer!

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Here to help. You all right, bruv?

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Fine, thanks.

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Are you sure, though, bro? You look like you're in pain, you know.

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Can we just get on with this, please?

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STOMACH GURGLES

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-Prune juice. BOTH:

-Baggit!

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-Bran flakes.

-Baggit!

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-Brussels sprouts.

-Baggit!

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-Castor oil.

-Baggit!

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Ah, I see, I see, I see.

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-I get it now, I get it now, I get it now.

-What?

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You're full of bricks, bruv.

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RUDY LAUGHS

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Can you please lower your voice?

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It's cool, it's cool. It happens to the best of us, bruv.

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Mm. My nan got that same thing, you know.

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Like, she was on the toilet for, like, three weeks.

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Yeah, your dad had to move the TV in, she was in so long, right?

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-Mm-hm. You know what you need, yeah?

-What?

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Glass of mango juice, yeah? Sort you right out, bruv.

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-Let me go and get that for you, yeah?

-No!

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I've just come in for my medication

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and a few things to help me...

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-Lighten the load, yeah?

-RUDY SNIGGERS

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Some things to help me keep regular.

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So, if you don't mind, could you just put my medication through?

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Look, it's personal.

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We get it.

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Large pack of Eazy-Poo.

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Baggit!

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Aaaaahh!

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Hey, yo, next time, yeah, why don't you try checkout NUMBER TWO!

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Man can't poo.

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Sit on the loo but man can't poo.

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HE LAUGHS

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Ever since I got my own TV show, you guys have been messaging me,

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asking if you can meet my family.

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At first, I was like - "That's hashtag looooong!"

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But then, because you guys love me so much,

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I realised I should take the time to introduce you to them.

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Now, this is my Uncle Peter, he's a bit past it.

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Oh! Here's a secret that only the real Blondie fans know about -

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I got a twin.

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He's called Boff, he's a boff-head.

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Well, his real name's Tristan, but nobody calls him that.

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# You can tell everybody

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# This is your song.

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# It may be quite simple but

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# Now that I'm done

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# I hope you don't mind

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# I hope you don't mind that I put down in words... #

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This ain't The Voice.

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Show off!

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Now, some of you might recognise my grandad -

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he's best known for creating the Dictionary of What Kids Say.

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Basically, all he did was constantly spy on me to finish his book

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and did I see any of the monies?

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No! That's Libertee-hheee-hees!

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Teach me how to Dougie, t-t-teach me how to Dougie.

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Teach me how to Dougie, t-t-teach me how to Dougie.

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-Can we go again?

-Oh, OK. Oh, I'm sorry.

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Hello, how are you?

0:11:530:11:56

I mean...what up, homie?

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Oh, my gosh! This whole family is just crazy!

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They're all like "insane in the membrane!"

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Insane in the brain.

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Rrrr! It's like I'm the only normal person around here.

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# I hope you don't mind... #

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Chillax, Blondie. Have a Dougie with me.

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# That I put down in words... #

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# Teach me how to Dougie T-t-teach me how to Dougie... #

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Rrrr!

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# Teach me how to Dougie T-t-teach me how to Dougie... #

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# Quite simple, but... #

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# Teach me how to Dougie T-t-teach me how to Dougie... #

0:12:210:12:23

# I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind... #

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It's time to put a call out to School Room Solutions.

0:12:330:12:36

Oi, you.

0:12:420:12:43

Your old-school, super-strict teacher

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got you writing boring lines?

0:12:500:12:52

Then you need... a programmable detention pen.

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You just whisper the lines and the number of times you need it

0:12:560:13:00

written, and then - bing-bang-bosh - let the pen do all the work.

0:13:000:13:03

It's quick, it's efficient

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and it totally camouflages in with your pencil case.

0:13:200:13:23

Order yours today.

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'It's the last round of team bonding, and it's all to play for.'

0:13:280:13:31

It was a great idea of yours, Brendan, to bring us

0:13:310:13:33

to Lazer Battles as the final part of our team bonding day.

0:13:330:13:36

Oh, yeah, Brendan. I mean, I love Lazer Battles.

0:13:360:13:39

'Team bonding round three - Lazer Battles.'

0:13:390:13:41

-Oh, great.

-I suppose, Brendan,

0:13:410:13:43

if you don't win this event, you'll have

0:13:430:13:45

no chance of winning the mystery prize! Ha-ha! We're going to win.

0:13:450:13:47

-We're going to win!

-We're going to win!

0:13:470:13:49

We're going to win!

0:13:490:13:50

Well, that's not going to happen.

0:13:520:13:54

Not on my watch.

0:13:540:13:56

You're no use to me now - I'm going solo.

0:13:570:14:00

What are they?

0:14:000:14:02

Just a couple of flash-bangs, in case it gets heavy.

0:14:020:14:05

Ladies first.

0:14:080:14:09

-You're going to have to go.

-What?

0:14:120:14:14

You're going to have to go.

0:14:140:14:15

Come on. I've gotta do my laces up, so...just go.

0:14:150:14:18

Arrgh!

0:14:300:14:32

Who keeps shooting me?

0:14:320:14:34

Bonus points. Ha-ha! Rapid fire!

0:14:360:14:39

Guys, stop that!

0:14:390:14:42

What you doing? This is not fair!

0:14:420:14:44

I haven't got a gun!

0:14:440:14:45

Arrgh!

0:14:470:14:48

Ha-ha!

0:14:510:14:52

THEY IMITATE LASER GUNS

0:14:520:14:55

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

0:14:550:14:56

What happened, Brendan?

0:14:560:14:58

Somebody gun-butted me.

0:14:580:14:59

No way!

0:14:590:15:00

Who would even do something like that?

0:15:000:15:03

He got too close.

0:15:050:15:06

'AND they're on the same team.'

0:15:060:15:08

Well, she's done something right, as Dinah

0:15:080:15:11

and Brendan take the prize for the third and final round.

0:15:110:15:14

So we've all won a round each -

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doesn't that mean we all deserve the prize?

0:15:160:15:19

Have you ever wondered what happens

0:15:190:15:20

when you're not looking at your phone?

0:15:200:15:22

It's time for Chatty Mates.

0:15:220:15:23

Hiya!

0:15:260:15:27

You all right? How you doing?

0:15:270:15:29

-Yeah, I'm good.

-You're good, yeah?

-What's this - new wallpaper?

0:15:290:15:32

Oh, that? That's nothing. I just fancied a change, didn't I?

0:15:320:15:35

Oh, come off it - you've had that wallpaper since factory.

0:15:350:15:38

-Trying to impress someone, are we?

-Oh, shut up.

0:15:380:15:41

Maybe.

0:15:420:15:43

See, I know you better than your own user manual.

0:15:430:15:45

Who is it?

0:15:450:15:46

-Oh, it's just some device. He's coming over today.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

0:15:460:15:50

So is it better than the last one with his micro SIM?

0:15:500:15:52

Oh, yeah, this one's well different.

0:15:520:15:54

Different, is he?

0:15:540:15:56

Yeah, proper different - he's got, like, a 13-megapixel camera.

0:15:560:16:00

-13-megapixel camera?

-Yeah.

-Fancy!

0:16:000:16:02

Mmm. Full HD, true-colour screen,

0:16:020:16:05

and he's got a slim aluminium chamfered-edge body.

0:16:050:16:08

-Chamfered-edge body?

-Yeah, well chamfered.

0:16:080:16:11

Oh, nice. Go on, go on!

0:16:110:16:13

-Expandable storage.

-Oh, my days!

0:16:130:16:16

Mmm, and he's got a massive 7.3-inch touch screen.

0:16:160:16:20

He's got 7.3 inches?

0:16:210:16:23

7.3 inches of super-sensitive multi-touch, yeah.

0:16:230:16:26

-Ding-dong merrily on Wi-Fi!

-I know, proper device.

0:16:260:16:30

He sounds it.

0:16:300:16:31

-Mmm. His name's Pablo.

-Right, well, you got my attention, Shelly -

0:16:310:16:35

he sounds well impressive. So when am I going to get to meet him?

0:16:350:16:38

Oh, you get to meet him now - he's coming, he's coming.

0:16:380:16:41

Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet! Don't let on. Don't let on.

0:16:410:16:43

I won't. I won't.

0:16:430:16:44

-BUZZING

-Hi! I'm Shelly.

0:16:460:16:48

Hola. I am Pablo.

0:16:480:16:51

-ECHOING:

-Oh!

0:16:510:16:52

Oh, no! I think she has crashed.

0:16:530:16:56

Oh! What is she like?

0:16:560:17:00

Um... And now it's time for me?

0:17:020:17:05

And this is my mum, Denise.

0:17:050:17:07

She's like a hairdresser, a gardener, and a...

0:17:070:17:10

Did you take your shoes off at the front door?

0:17:100:17:13

Cos I don't want no doo-doo dragged up in this house.

0:17:130:17:15

As you can see, she's a proper brutal nag.

0:17:170:17:20

Uh-oh!

0:17:220:17:23

Could I have my ball back, please? >

0:17:230:17:25

Let me tell you a little something about myself that you might not

0:17:250:17:28

know, boys, seeing as you're new to all of this.

0:17:280:17:30

You see this door here? It's mine.

0:17:300:17:33

Everything on this side of the door belongs to me.

0:17:330:17:35

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to help you out,

0:17:350:17:38

so this little incident doesn't happen again.

0:17:380:17:40

HISSING

0:17:410:17:42

Don't let it happen again!

0:17:440:17:46

As you can see, my family's pretty crazy!

0:17:480:17:52

Well, that's my crib, CBBC. See you later! Bye-bye!

0:17:520:17:56

Next time on TOWIB...

0:17:570:17:59

Ruby has never had a boyfriend in her entire life,

0:18:010:18:04

so me and Michelle have decided to take it upon ourselves

0:18:040:18:06

to find her one.

0:18:060:18:08

It's Bants In The Booth time.

0:18:120:18:13

Who's going to be the famous person in the booth today?

0:18:130:18:16

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Are you Conor Maynard?

0:18:250:18:29

Yep, that's me.

0:18:290:18:31

Conor Maynard! This is awesome!

0:18:310:18:34

# Are you crazy? Are you crazy? Are you crazy? Are you crazy?

0:18:340:18:37

# Must be stupid if you think that we can start again.. #

0:18:370:18:41

-Conor Maynard, touch me, bruv.

-Spud, spud.

-Bless, bless, bless.

0:18:410:18:44

-Don't forget me, don't forget me.

-No. Never.

0:18:440:18:47

Safe, safe, safe, safe, safe...

0:18:470:18:49

Second spud of the day.

0:18:490:18:50

So what can we do for you today - you want some photos done?

0:18:500:18:53

I was hoping to go abroad soon and I need a new passport photo...

0:18:530:18:56

We can do that.

0:18:560:18:57

But I like crazy passport photos.

0:18:570:18:58

OK, can you show us your crazy passport pose?

0:18:580:19:01

Oh, it's a good one - I like that pose.

0:19:010:19:03

I dunno if you'd be able

0:19:030:19:04

-to get through customs with that one, but...

-Nah.

0:19:040:19:07

-So, Conor, you're a solo artist...

-Solo!

0:19:080:19:11

Is that better cos you don't have to carry any dead wood like I do?

0:19:110:19:14

Ha-ha!

0:19:140:19:15

-What do you mean by that?

-Just let him answer.

0:19:150:19:17

It's cool and it's not. One thing is when you're going abroad or

0:19:170:19:20

you're going different places to record, you're kind of on your own -

0:19:200:19:24

there's no-one else with you apart from a manager or something,

0:19:240:19:27

but other than that, you're by yourself.

0:19:270:19:29

All right, Conor. Well, you've done some really catchy songs,

0:19:290:19:32

-but I don't know if you've done one as catchy as this, maybe...

-Huh?

0:19:320:19:36

# Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny

0:19:360:19:40

# Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny

0:19:400:19:43

-Yeah!

-# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny... #

0:19:430:19:46

Go, Johnny!

0:19:460:19:47

# J-j-j-j-j-j J-j-j-j-j-j

0:19:470:19:49

-# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny... # Join in if you can!

-One more time!

0:19:490:19:52

BOTH: # Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny...

0:19:520:19:55

# And Inel!

0:19:550:19:56

# Johnny, Johnny Johnny, Johnny...

0:19:560:19:58

# And Inel!

0:19:580:19:59

# But mainly Johnny!

0:19:590:20:01

# Yeah, mainly Johnny!

0:20:010:20:03

# And then there's Con-or May-nard! #

0:20:030:20:08

There's nothing left to do but to thank you, Conor Maynard,

0:20:090:20:13

for appearing in Bants In The Booth!

0:20:130:20:15

Yeah! Let's get those pictures done.

0:20:150:20:16

Right, on three, now, Conor - one, two, three...hold that.

0:20:160:20:20

-Hold it there.

-Hold that.

-Hold that.

-Hold it.

-Hold that.

0:20:200:20:24

-Hold it, Conor.

-Hold it.

-I'm going to take it, but just hold it.

0:20:240:20:28

-Hold it.

-Hold it.

-Hold it.

-Bit more.

-Hold that one.

0:20:280:20:31

-If you hold it...

-If you hold it...

0:20:310:20:33

-Hold it.

-Hold it.

-Hold.

-Hold it.

0:20:330:20:36

No, I can't take it, mate.

0:20:360:20:38

I could do with a haircut. But I don't think I'll go to the salon.

0:20:460:20:50

What if I don't like it?

0:20:500:20:51

Welcome to the great Ernesto Salon!

0:20:560:21:00

And me, Julio!

0:21:020:21:04

As the Greek god of lightning, Zeus, once said to me...

0:21:040:21:08

Julio! Give me some music!

0:21:130:21:16

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:21:160:21:17

Julio! MUSIC STOPS

0:21:190:21:20

-Lightning!

-Lightning!

0:21:200:21:22

-Julio! Thunder!

-Thunder!

0:21:270:21:29

-Howling wind!

-Howling wind!

0:21:290:21:33

Give me some sunshine, to brighten my day.

0:21:330:21:36

Sun, sun... Sun, sun... Sun, sun... Bright, bright...

0:21:370:21:43

Julio! Bring me some rain!

0:21:430:21:45

Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain...

0:21:450:21:50

Stop, Julio!

0:21:500:21:51

That's it! I am done. Voila!

0:21:540:21:56

Oh!

0:21:580:22:00

I don't like it.

0:22:000:22:01

Julio!

0:22:010:22:03

Julio!

0:22:030:22:05

Do something.

0:22:050:22:06

BLOWING

0:22:070:22:09

You did all you could.

0:22:120:22:13

Team bonding's over, but what's the mystery prize, Brendan?

0:22:150:22:18

This team bonding day was a great idea, Brendan.

0:22:180:22:21

Mm-hmm. This has been the best team bonding session

0:22:210:22:24

I've ever been on in my life!

0:22:240:22:26

Yeah, nice one.

0:22:260:22:28

So, what's the mystery prize, Brendan?

0:22:280:22:32

Oh. Erm... Dinah, do you want to reveal...?

0:22:320:22:35

OK.

0:22:380:22:39

Erm...

0:22:390:22:41

Well, you know it was a bonding session...

0:22:410:22:43

so the mystery prize...

0:22:430:22:46

is...

0:22:460:22:47

a big team hug!

0:22:470:22:49

Whey! Oh! And I'm paying for ice creams.

0:22:520:22:55

Whoa, hold on! Brendan, it's all on you?

0:22:550:22:58

-Unless the budget...?

-No.

0:22:580:23:00

I'm buying everyone ice creams!

0:23:000:23:02

-Ha-ha!

-Well, in that case, I'm going to get a knickerbocker glory!

0:23:020:23:05

Make that knickerbocker glories for everyone.

0:23:050:23:08

Oh, nice one, Johnny!

0:23:080:23:10

-Well, now, hey - let's thank Brendan.

-Cheers, Brendan.

0:23:100:23:14

-Top man, Brendan.

-Thanks, Brendan.

0:23:140:23:16

Thank you.

0:23:230:23:24

Thanks.

0:23:260:23:28

Oh, let me tell you -

0:23:280:23:29

I'm going to have, like, two or three more of these!

0:23:290:23:32

I don't know about you guys.

0:23:320:23:34

Oh, it's late, isn't it? We should probably all... I'm going to go.

0:23:340:23:38

Till next time, guys, we'll keep making it look good...

0:23:400:23:43

The only way Johnny and Inel could. A-ha!

0:23:430:23:45

The J and I crew go on a team-bonding session. Johnny and Inel want to win, but will the rest of the team let them? Conor Maynard pops in for some Bants in the Booth.


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