Episode 4 The Johnny & Inel Show


Episode 4

Comedy series. Johnny and Inel decide to try and come up with a viral dance craze. Akai comes into the studio to give them some tips and ends up giving Johnny an electric shock.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello and welcome to The Johnny And Inel Show, guys!

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CHEERING

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# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes

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# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

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# As Mum's always telling me "fix up your timing"

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# Now we got a show on CBBC

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# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

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# It's sick cos the time is here, now sit back relax

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# And get ready to cheer

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# We're doing well as you can tell

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# So here comes the show with Johnny And Inel. #

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Coming up on the show... Akai!

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Rampz!

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And always we like to bike, you know what I mean? Clack, clack!

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Blondie!

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-How many kisses did you send?

-One.

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Oh, for crying out loud, Rubes!

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Ready for today's show, today, Johnny!

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Inel, you're not going to believe this!

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What's that?

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Our Jinel video...

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# Jinel, Jinel you made it fine well... #

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..has got 1,000 hits online.

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I think it's called "going viral".

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That's a lot, is it?

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It's not 100, Inel, did you think I said 100?

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It's like 100 times ten!

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It's basically international, mate.

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There'll be a little kid in Japan who's watching the Jinel

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video on his mobile phone.

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Viral!

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Johnny, that's not a lot for music videos online, you know.

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You know Beyonce's single Ladies, 230 million views, yeah.

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Jennifer Lopez - On The Floor, 500 million hits!

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Gangnam Style - two billion hits online.

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That's not a billion, that's a billion times two.

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You're meant to be in charge of the website.

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I make the magic happen, you're meant to promote it.

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Oh, all right, erm...

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Know what we should do?

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We should come out with a new pop video focusing on the dance moves.

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That's where we went wrong last time.

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Yeah, I think the quality of the singing overpowered the dancing.

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Silly dance then, yeah?

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Yeah, a silly dance.

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Will Johnny and Inel be able to make the best dance video ever?

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And go truly viral?! Keep watching.

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But first, wrestling Johnny and Inel style - WWJI.

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Here he is - it's Brick Brickhouse!

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And The Tickler!

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The Brickhouse feels no pain.

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Ah-ha!

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The Brickhouse is invincible.

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Ah-ha!

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The Brickhouse...

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has no weakness!

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I'll bet you're ticklish, though!

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-Bull.

-I bet you are!

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HE LAUGHS AND SHRIEKS

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Oh, stop it! I'm not laughing... er...

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We all are.

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HE CLEARS THROAT The Brickhouse wasn't laughing,

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The Brickhouse was remembering a cartoon he once saw on TV.

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-Yeah, it was quite funny.

-He wasn't.

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Stop it! Ah...!

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So, join us tonight - six hours of entertainment.

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Two men will enter the ring but who will leave?

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BELL RINGS

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That was total nonsense, but now for something that does make sense.

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Well, kind of. The Only Way Is Blondie!

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Since I was so popular on The Johnny And Inel Show last year

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the BBC have decided to give me my own show!

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Ha-ha-ha! Standard!

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Hello, Ruby, we're coming round for a sleepover tonight,

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tell Michelle...over.

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So today we're having a sleepover at Ruby's!

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This song is, like, so emotional.

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LAUGHTER

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Want some chicken, Rubes?

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Oh my gosh, Rubes, you're like munching out all the chicken.

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Save some for the rest of us.

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LAUGHTER

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MUSIC: "Crazy In Love" by Beyonce

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VOMITING

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Oh, my gosh, Ruby, I told you not to eat all the chicken for yourself.

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Do you want to die with your head in chicken sick or what?

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Why can't you help nurse her, though? She's flagging really bad.

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Oh, my gosh, Michelle, do I look like Florence Nightingale to you?

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I don't think so!

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VOMITING

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Sometimes I wish Blondie could be a little bit more

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sensitive to other people's feelings and that, don't you think, Rubes?

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Don't remind me.

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Oops, sorry, Rubes, hope you're feeling better soon!

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VOMITING

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Hey, y'all. When it's over, bruv...

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Baggit!

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What's that, what's that, what's that, bruv?

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What's that, what's that, what's that, bruv?

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What's that, what's that, what's that, bruv?

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What's that, what's that, what's that, bruv?

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Sick tune.

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It's a little tune I came up with. It's called What's That Bruv?

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Mmm.

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Can I pay for my shopping. please?

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You know what, my man can make up a tune about anything you know, bruv.

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Eh, yo, make up a tune about his shopping, bruv.

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It's just I'm in a bit of a rush.

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Taramasalata. I'll have it for my starter.

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Nice bit of Brie, I'll have it for my tea.

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Little satsuma...

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Finish the line, bruv.

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I really need to go...

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Little satsuma...

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Little satsuma...

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Have it with some tuna?

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-No, bruv.

-No, bruv, no.

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Little satsuma, I'll...

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-Feed it to my Puma!

-Nah, nah, nah.

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Little satsuma...

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Had a sense of humour!

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No, no, try the first one again.

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Er...feed it to my puma?!

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-No. No, the other one.

-Have it with some tuna?

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Yeah, little satsuma, I'd have it with some tuna.

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Nice! Now, when I say "What's that?" You say, bruv.

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"What's that?"

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..bruv.

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What's that?

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Bruv!

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Right, that'll be £15.26 please, bruv.

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Right, now for the second verse.

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HE SIGHS

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What's that, what's that. What's that, bruv?!

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Ha-ha-ha. Bruv. Meaning "mate".

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A shortened version of the word brother.

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A term coined to label a particularly close friend.

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First used in the deepest depths of South London.

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Now universally used as a term of affection.

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Hello, can you hear me? It's time for Chatty Mates.

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-Hi!

-You all right? How you doin', you good?

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-Yeah, good, good.

-Good.

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Hey, you'll never guess who contacted me!

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Who?

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-Sasio.

-Sasio?

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-Yeah, cheap Sasio.

-Doesn't ring a tone.

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-You know, one-ding Sasio.

-Oh, pay-as-you-go Sasio?

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Yeah, no-money-to-ring-home Sasio.

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Oh, every-day-she's-rushing-it Sasio?

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-That's the Sasio.

-Oh, what did she want, eh?

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I thought she couldn't take the calls that she picks up,

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let alone make a call.

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Yeah, that's what I thought

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but it turns out she gets free weekend calls.

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-Oh, shut up!

-That's what I told her to do.

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Yeah, she was rabbiting on about her 3G problems like she was

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pay monthly or something.

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What 3G problems?

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Yeah, tell me about it.

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I was like, "My battery's dying, yeah, got to go".

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Oh, my gosh, you pulled the old battery trick on her, did ya?

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Yeah, absolutely, I was like, "Oh, what a shame,"

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she was like gutted.com!

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-Oh, you didn't?

-I said I did, didn't I?

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But don't worry, she won't be contacting us any time soon.

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-No?

-No, I told her I lost my charger

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so I was going to be like totally off the grid.

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-Oh, my gosh, so she believed you?

-Yeah, absolutely.

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Oh, my gosh, she's calling, she's calling me,

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she's calling, what do I do, what do I do?

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-What do I do?

-Send her through to voicemail.

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Oh, my gosh, I can't, I'm going to have to take it.

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I'll talk to you later, yeah. Byee! Byee! Byee!

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Speak to you tomorrow b-b-b-bye-b-b-bye!

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You all right? How's it goin' Sasio, you good yeah, good yeah?

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Hey, Shelly!

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Yeah I'm good, oh my gosh, Sasio you'll never guess what

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Moby's been saying about you behind your back?!

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Do you want to hear the goss?

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What, Moby's been talking about me?

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Yeah, yeah, you'll never guess what he's been saying about you.

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That's funny. I thought Moby didn't have any batteries.

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Oh, what is she like?!

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Johnny and Inel need to get everyone excited about their

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new plans for a dance craze.

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Guys. You all ready for our awesome Harlem Shake video?

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Brendan, Brendan, if you can't dance

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and dance real good you need to tell me now.

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I didn't know I'd need to be able to dance.

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Yeah.

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-Well, I'll give it a try.

-Great! When you're ready.

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Here we go!

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Here he is! It's all yours.

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Rhythm is a friend.

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You do it. You do it.

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HE HUMS THE DAVID BRENT DANCE

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Oh, I don't want to watch. My eyes keep making me look.

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What is he doing?

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Brendan, Brendan, Brendan, you look puffed out, mate, do you want to

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sit this one out?

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Yeah.

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Yeah, mate, that was real good.

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-Cheers, everyone.

-Well done.

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Thank you.

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LAUGHTER

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CLEARS HIS THROAT

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COUGHING

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Just get my stuff.

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HE HUMS AGAIN

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Next up, Rampz!

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We're back at the Rampz

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and today I'm joined by Daryl.

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How are you doing, Daryl?

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Yeah, first up let me say, quick shout out to my little nephew,

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Nathan... yeah.

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Cos I'm his role model, obviously, yeah.

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Shout out to my girl Gwyneth.

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Love you, babe, yeah.

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Check you later. Shout out to my boy Leon, yeah.

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Extreme biker, yeah,

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AKA Beast On A Saddle!

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This man... yeah.

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And our motto is... We like to bike.

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You know what I mean? Clack, clack!

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I wonder why Chad's not skating today?

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Ha! That's easy, that's easy, cos I told him not to.

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And two, the bikers have all gone.

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Wh-why have you done that?

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Cos, you know what, yeah, this clown here, this clown is telling people

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that he's the king of the rampz. He's telling you, man.

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Yeah. So, I thought, it's about time he learnt his lesson.

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And I'm the one to teach him that.

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Imagine, yeah... there's like a lion on a bike, yeah.

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An antelope on a skateboard, yeah.

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What do you think is going to happen?

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Well, I'd imagine they'd both fall off?

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Yeah, but the lion's going to win, innit?

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Right, I'm sure it would.

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So, do you always have the stabilisers on your bike?

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Yeah, course. Course, man.

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So you can stand up straight, innit? Look, look, look...

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No hands.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Is that your phone?

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One sec, one sec, yeah. One sec...

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Hello? Oh, Mum, Mum! Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mummy

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No, no, no, don't come, don't come.

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Yeah, no, I got it, yeah.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah... No, I'll tidy it up.

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I said that.

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I'm sorry.

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I said "sorry"!

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Right...

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Erm, obviously, man's got a bit of an emergency to deal with, still.

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-Sure.

-No worries. I'll catch you lot later, yeah?

-OK.

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Safe. Hey, Leon.

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-Let's get out of here, man.

-All right, well, bye, Daryl.

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Oh, and it looks like we might actually see some action here...

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Whoa, whoa, whoa...

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That's too...

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-Or...not.

-Let's go this way.

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Er, now it's time for, like, the best part of the show - me!

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BLONDIE GIGGLES

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Ruby has never had a boyfriend in her entire life

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so me and Michelle have decided to take it upon ourselves

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to find her one, cos we're such good friends!

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And we've decided that Robbie is like the best match out of

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everybody in the entire year!

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Because he's the same age.

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And both their names begin with R.

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And...he has a job.

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Paper round...

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OK, so what should I say to him?

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You've got to text him in a way that he'll not only understand

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but it spells out your intentions,

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so that you don't get mucked about like some floozy.

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-Do you get me?

-Look, Rubes, come over here!

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Gosh. Just text him -

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Wagwan, what's good, Robbie?

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let's link up, still.

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No long-term.

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I'm, like, your girl.

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-It's easy.

-Perfect.

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-So, how many kisses should I send?

-Three.

-Three!

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Oh, my gosh, Michelle! She's not having his baby.

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-Two, then?

-Two?! Rubes, if you send two kisses you

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look like you're a girl desperate for a man.

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You said I was desperate for a man, though.

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Yeah, you did say yesterday at lunch that she were 14 years single.

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Yes, I did say that but he doesn't need to know, though.

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Oh, my gosh, you girls have got a lot to learn.

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But what if he just says he doesn't like me?

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Or if he's already seeing someone else. Or worse...?

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He doesn't even reply?!

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THEY GASP

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Oh, if that happened, I wouldn't be able to live with myself!

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Well, you're going

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to have to cos you take all the same classes as him, Rubes.

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Oh, that is so true, Michelle, oh, my gosh.

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You're going to have to live with the shame

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until you finish your GCSEs at least.

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Oh, no!

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And then your A-Levels. And then if he decides to stay in

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higher education and attends the same university as you

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and conveniently takes the same courses and modules

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and extra-curricular activities as you, you're going to have to

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live with the shame of that, as well.

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BOTH: Oh, my dizzy-dizzy days!

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That's pain!

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It's a hard-nut life. Nobody said relationships were easy.

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My gosh, even I have an ex.

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Er, yes, I have an ex. Yeah, I know that stays on my relationship record,

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yes, I totally understand there's no hiding from that...EVER!

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But, I've learnt to accept that and move forward in my life.

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ALL GASP

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Whoa! Rubes, how many kisses did you send?

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-One!

-Oh, for crying out loud, Rubes!!

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I really hope Robbie replies.

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Because if he doesn't reply...

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Then that's Ruby's street cred finished! Done!

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Ciao! Arrivederci!

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Au revoir. Laters!

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BOTH: Well...?

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OMG! He replied.

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BOTH SHRIEK

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Now time for Beanie and Fro Fro!

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Eh, Beanie!

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Mmm. What?

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Where are you originally from?

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Oh, well, I come from the sunny island of Jamaica.

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Oh, right.

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Yeah, man.

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Well, Beanie, can you shut up, please?

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What you say?

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I said can you shut up, please, cos Jamaica-me angry!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Not find you funny, Fro Fro, and now you mock me heritage.

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Oh, Beanie. They're just jokes!

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And now back to the salon with flamboyant hairdresser Ernesto

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and his side-kick, Julio.

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Welcome.

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Once, David Attenborough, he came to me - he said...

0:15:020:15:04

WHISTLING SILENCE

0:15:040:15:06

Julio, play some music.

0:15:060:15:08

Sure thing, Ernesto.

0:15:080:15:09

# Ahhh! Ahhh! #

0:15:090:15:12

VINYL SCRATCHES

0:15:130:15:15

Julio, remix.

0:15:150:15:16

# Agghhh, agghhh... #

0:15:160:15:19

Julio...

0:15:190:15:20

-VINYL SCRATCHES

-..add some seagull.

0:15:200:15:23

# Ahh!

0:15:230:15:25

# Ahh! #

0:15:250:15:26

I have it! Twigs.

0:15:260:15:27

HE SINGS BADLY

0:15:290:15:31

Feather.

0:15:310:15:33

Leaves.

0:15:350:15:37

HE SQUAWKS

0:15:370:15:39

I am done.

0:15:390:15:41

Voila!

0:15:410:15:43

Oh!

0:15:450:15:47

-I don't like it.

-Julio!

0:15:470:15:49

-VOICEOVER:

-Back to Johnny and Inel's quest to make the next dance craze

0:15:540:15:58

with the Harlem Shake.

0:15:580:16:00

MUSIC: "Harlem Shake" by Baauer

0:16:020:16:10

Oh, that is definitely going viral.

0:16:200:16:22

Yes! Haha!

0:16:220:16:24

Hold on, hold on, you guys are like 20 months too late.

0:16:240:16:28

You're not going to get a viral video just copying other people.

0:16:280:16:31

Sorry, who is this guy again?

0:16:310:16:34

He's right, you need to be original, pioneering, Bafta-winning.

0:16:340:16:37

An original dance craze, eh?

0:16:370:16:40

I can do it. I've really fancied myself as a good choreographer.

0:16:400:16:43

-Really?

-I think maybe we should bring someone in to help.

0:16:430:16:45

Yeah, that's good thinking. ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER

0:16:450:16:49

I said I'll do it. Look, look.

0:16:490:16:51

Dinah, look at this. This is for free.

0:16:510:16:53

A-hem!

0:16:530:16:55

While they sort themselves out, let's see who Johnny Kyle's

0:16:550:16:58

got on the show today.

0:16:580:16:59

On today's Johnny Kyle Show, we have royalty in the studio,

0:16:590:17:03

and one of her subjects is being a little bit of a pain.

0:17:030:17:07

So, let me get this straight.

0:17:070:17:09

You want him to lie to you because your self-esteem is being affected?

0:17:090:17:14

Precisely what I've been trying to tell you, Kyle.

0:17:140:17:19

It's self-esteem - I can't affect that.

0:17:190:17:21

I don't want him to lie.

0:17:210:17:23

I just want him to tell me what he used to tell me.

0:17:230:17:26

And what I used to tell you, Queenie,

0:17:260:17:29

just doesn't apply any more.

0:17:290:17:31

Face it, you're not the fairest of them all.

0:17:310:17:35

Far from it, in fact.

0:17:350:17:36

-SHE SOBS

-Oh, here we are again.

0:17:360:17:40

Crocodile tears, right on queue.

0:17:400:17:43

You're quite the bitter little pane of glass, aren't you?

0:17:440:17:48

Me? And I bet she left out the small detail of her threatening me.

0:17:480:17:53

Poppycock!

0:17:530:17:54

Why would he lie?

0:17:540:17:55

What about the time you said you were going to smash me

0:17:550:17:59

-in with a hammer?

-Barefaced lies!

0:17:590:18:01

Sit down!

0:18:010:18:02

I'm the only one who stands up on the Johnny Kyle Show.

0:18:040:18:07

-Thank you, Kyle.

-Continue.

-As I was saying,

0:18:080:18:11

if it's all lies then what is this?

0:18:110:18:14

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Hmm?

0:18:150:18:21

What do you plan on doing with that? Put it down! Put it down!

0:18:240:18:28

It better be me cos I've got a hammer.

0:18:280:18:31

Explain yourself.

0:18:310:18:33

It's so unfair. Look at me!

0:18:330:18:37

I am beautiful!

0:18:370:18:38

Yes, you used to be beautiful, dear,

0:18:380:18:41

but sadly that's not the case any more.

0:18:410:18:44

See, what she seems to be forgetting is, Kyle,

0:18:440:18:47

that I've seen many queens come and go.

0:18:470:18:50

She's not exactly the king's first, if you know what I mean.

0:18:500:18:53

SHE SOBS

0:18:530:18:55

Now, you've both said some hurtful things to each other.

0:18:550:18:58

-Her more than me.

-He's done far more...

0:18:580:19:00

Stop trying to point score. This is the Johnny Kyle Show.

0:19:000:19:04

Now, I'm not asking you to lie.

0:19:040:19:06

I'm just asking you to look beyond the beauty on the outside

0:19:060:19:10

and tell her how beautiful she is on the inside.

0:19:100:19:14

Fine. Ask me the question.

0:19:140:19:16

Go on!

0:19:180:19:19

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

0:19:190:19:23

who is the fairest of them all? (Say me.)

0:19:230:19:27

The fairest of them all is...

0:19:270:19:30

DRUMROLL

0:19:300:19:32

Johnny Kyle.

0:19:320:19:34

APPLAUSE

0:19:340:19:36

SHE SOBS

0:19:360:19:39

Right, now that's done, who's next?

0:19:410:19:44

Have Johnny and Inel found someone to help them

0:19:450:19:47

come up with a new dance craze?

0:19:470:19:49

Yes, I think so.

0:19:490:19:51

It's Akai.

0:19:510:19:53

MUSIC: "Earthquake" by Labrinth

0:19:530:19:57

Yeah! Ha-ha!

0:20:280:20:30

That was serious! Wicked moves there, Akai.

0:20:300:20:33

Yeah, it was all right.

0:20:330:20:35

You know, a few crowd pleasers in there.

0:20:350:20:37

Bit familiar, innit? I mean, pop-lockin', who can't do that?

0:20:370:20:41

What? You think you can do better?

0:20:410:20:43

-Yeah. Go on, Inel, show 'em.

-What?

0:20:430:20:46

Show 'em some dance moves, let's go.

0:20:460:20:48

Hey, I thought we got Akai in for consultation not competition.

0:20:480:20:52

Akai, can you help us come up with a new dance craze?

0:20:520:20:55

-Yeah, I can try.

-Yeah, that's what I thought.

0:20:550:20:57

-Now you try some.

-OK.

0:20:590:21:02

-Goes through there, yeah?

-Yeah, man. One, two...

0:21:020:21:07

Yeah...

0:21:070:21:08

not really my style.

0:21:080:21:10

I'm more an off-beat mover.

0:21:100:21:12

Check this out.

0:21:120:21:14

BOTH LAUGH

0:21:140:21:17

HE SCREAMS

0:21:220:21:24

That was hilarious. Can you do that again?

0:21:240:21:26

That's a new low for you, Inel, laughing at other people's pain.

0:21:270:21:31

Oh, hold up.

0:21:310:21:32

LAUGHTER

0:21:320:21:34

HE SCREAMS

0:21:340:21:36

Do you see? Look, Inel, I think I've got it.

0:21:360:21:39

Look, they're doing it.

0:21:400:21:43

HE GROANS

0:21:430:21:44

LAUGHTER

0:21:440:21:46

I've got it. I've got it!

0:21:460:21:48

Sinead in Dublin town says, "Akai has the best moves.

0:21:510:21:56

"Johnny #twoleftfeet."

0:21:560:21:59

And now...

0:22:010:22:03

for the first time...

0:22:030:22:06

on British television...

0:22:060:22:08

world exclusive.

0:22:080:22:11

It's the dance craze that is sweeping the nation.

0:22:110:22:15

The electric shock!

0:22:150:22:17

# Are you ready to rock?

0:22:200:22:21

# Are you ready to rock?

0:22:210:22:23

# Are you ready to rock?

0:22:230:22:25

# Electric shock!

0:22:250:22:27

# Shock!

0:22:300:22:32

# Shock!

0:22:330:22:35

# Shock

0:22:370:22:38

# Shock

0:22:400:22:42

# Shock

0:22:440:22:45

# Shock

0:22:470:22:49

# Shock... #

0:22:500:22:52

BELL TOLLS

0:22:540:22:56

# Shock

0:22:570:22:59

# Electric shock

0:23:030:23:05

# Shock

0:23:080:23:09

# Shock

0:23:110:23:13

# Electric shock

0:23:180:23:20

# Electric shock

0:23:210:23:23

# Electric shock

0:23:240:23:26

This is amazing, Inel. I can feel it going viral right now.

0:23:270:23:30

I wouldn't have thought so. I haven't put it online yet.

0:23:300:23:33

What? Then do it then, Inel!

0:23:330:23:35

Johnny and Inel decide to try and come up with a viral dance craze. Akai comes into the studio to give them some tips and ends up giving Johnny an electric shock.


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