Episode 5 The Johnny & Inel Show


Episode 5

Comedy series. Johnny thinks he's a riddle master until Inel turns out to be just as good. Neon Jungle perform in the studio.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello and welcome to the Jonny and Inel show, guys.

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ALARM

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My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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I splash water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes

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The sun's out shining, I better stop rhyming

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As Mum's always telling me, fix up your timing.

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Now we got a show on CBBC, sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

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It's sick cos the time is here

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Now sit back relax and get ready to cheer

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We're doing well as you can tell

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-So here comes the show with Johnny...

-And Inel.

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Coming up on the show, Neon Jungle...

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# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got

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# Got to show me when the beat drops...

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The Only Way Is Blondie...

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Oh, my heebeeheebeegeebees!

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Do you know what, do you know what?

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I'm not even going to talk to you.

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Gamer Geeks...

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You want to go on a cyber date!

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Oh, shut up Madjimbo, YOU do!

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-You do!

-You do!

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-You do!

-You do!

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Now it's time for the studio.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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It's Dinah the Producer.

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She runs the show.

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Brennan the Director, last year's

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runner and now he calls the shots.

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Gayle the DJ - she spins the wheels

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on the J and I decks!

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Mo the Runner - he just wants

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to be famous, but not on my watch.

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Hey, hey, hey...

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Hello and welcome to the Johnny and Inel show.

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So Inel...

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I'm not sure, what do you think, guys?

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KIDS SHOUT OUT

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It's too easy.

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BOTH: Really?

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Come on, Brennan you should know this.

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Should I?

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Well, someone must know.

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A river!

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A river! A river, yeah.

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It's a river.

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I tell you what, this riddles are taxing on the old brain cells.

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I wonder how people come up with them.

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Well, they come up with them like me

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because I was known as the Riddlemaster in school, Inel.

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Riddlemaster...self-given title, was it?

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No! Other people used to call me the Riddlemaster, actually.

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Yeah, and I got plenty more where that come from as well.

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-Yeah?

-Do you want to hear another one, guys?

-Yes!

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-If I have to...

-There's a new riddle coming up for you

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-right after this break.

-What break?

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This one, now.

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World wrestling, Johnny and Inel style,

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you've never seen anything like this...

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Tonight, we finally get to see the Traffic Warden...

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..take on the Whistler.

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HE WHISTLES

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I'm going to slap you with a £60 fine

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even though you are only one minute over your allotted time.

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Jobsworth!

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WHISTLE

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I've made my decision, there's nothing you can do about it.

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I don't care if you're angry.

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WHISTLE

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I'm going to take a photograph of you

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and then I'm going to note down all of your details.

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And continue to speak to you in this annoying monotone voice...

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WHISTLE

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..which will make you even more angry.

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But like I previously stated, I don't care.

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WHISTLE

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You heard it here first folks,

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one of the bouts of the century brought to you by WWJI.

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Er...and now it's time for my part of the show...

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The Only Way Is Blondie, ha!

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Since I was so popular on the Johnny and Inel show last year

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the BBC have decided to give me my own show ha-ha!

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Standard!

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I really hope Robbie replies.

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Because if he doesn't reply...

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Then that's Ruby's street cred finished! Done! Laters!

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Bye-bye!

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-Well?!

-He replied!

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Arrrrggghhh!! Oh my golly, golly, gosh - he's so into you.

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Yeah! What has he said? What has he said?

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He said..."Who dis?"

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Who this?

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"Don't recognize the digits."

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Rubes,

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when we asked you to send a text,

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did you or did you not put your name at the end?

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You never asked me to!

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Oh, my heebeeheebeegeebees.

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Michelle take the phone from her, please and reply to the text.

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It's Ruby from school, no long ting, I'm in your music

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and IT class, save these digits

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cos you're going to need them in the fute!

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What's man said about doing a little something soon! Send.

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-Sent.

-Relief!

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If that doesn't get an instant reply, I don't know what will.

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-TEXT ALERT

-Told you.

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"Yeah babes, sounds good, let's link up still. Don't know,

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bless up, wiggle kiss."

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Ahhh!!

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Oh, my golly, golly gosh he's so into you.

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Do you think so?

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Yeah! Oh my gosh, some people have to wait half a day to get a reply.

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Michelle, she doesn't even get replies.

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Well, it's true - you don't.

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I do get replies...

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occasionally.

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Next time on TOWIB...

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TEXT ALERT

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-Is your ex at it again?

-Is he still obsessed with you?

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-Oh, my golly, golly gosh!

-What is it?

-Tell us!

-It's my mum!

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She's got a new boyfriend!

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Oh!

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DOORBELL

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Who keeps ringing the door bell like they're

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the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

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Well, hello there. You're just in time for...dinner.

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Hmmm!

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Now it's time for grumpy Beanie and Cheeky Fro-fro.

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Psst!

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Psst!

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Beanie...

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Beanie...

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Over here!

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Ah! What g'wan, Fro-fro?

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I was just thinking, you know how Johnny and Inel have their own show?

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-Mmm-hmm.

-Well, I think we should have our own show.

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-Mmm, yeah man.

-Fro-fro and Beanie show.

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Yeah, that would be cool man, that would be cool.

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Yeah, but,

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me think it should be called

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the Beanie And Fro-fro Show, nah mean?

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Fine!

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And you could do some rapping or summat and I could tell some jokes.

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-Nah.

-I've got one ready, do you want to hear it?

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Nah, man, nah, man it's all right.

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A man walks into the doctors and he says he keeps wetting himself.

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The doctor says URINE trouble! Ha-ha-ha!

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Every time you tell a joke, it has to be rude!

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That's why me can't introduce you to me mum!

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It's just jokes!

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Yeah, yeah we got that, Fro-fro.

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Next up...Rudy and Boyyer... Baggit!

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Oi, Boyyer, check this out.

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This woman is loading all the top-end goods up at the till, bruv.

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True say, true say. This woman must have mad bag, bro.

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-And how are you doing today, madam bruv?

-Ya, fine, fine.

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Look, can we speed up. I'm in a rush.

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-Laptop, bag it...

-No, thanks.

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I'll bag my own things, thanks.

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-Hold on, that's my job, though. I bag things.

-Well, take a break!

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-iPad, bag it...

-No.

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-Stereo, bag it.

-No.

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-Console, bag it.

-No.

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-TV, bag it.

-No.

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-Well, that'll be £2,556, madam bruv.

-Fine. Whatever.

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RAPID BEEPING

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-It says "card declined", bruv.

-That's embarrassing, bro.

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Oh, just try it again.

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RAPID BEEPING

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It is saying "card declined".

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SLOWLY: Well, that's not possible. So run it again.

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Ha-ha! Oh, my days! Lady's trying to talk to me like I'm a computer.

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You trying to CONTROL + ALT + DELETE me, bruv?

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Well, I can speak slow as well, bruv.

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You have no money so you can't have the nice products, bruv.

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How dare you!

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Yo, lady madam bruv, I'm Baggit. I'm on my break.

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Let's get back to the studio!

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Inel, you stand before two doors, one is the door to heaven,

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the other is the door to hell.

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Well, what did I do, what happened?!

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-LAUGHTER

-It's a riddle, you fool.

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Oh, right.

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In front of each door stands a guard.

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One guard always tells the truth, the other always tells a lie.

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You have but one question Inel, to ask one of the guards to find out

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which is the door to heaven and which is the door to hell.

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Oh, well, I...

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Take your time, Inel, think about it,

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take time over the next few sketches.

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No, I think I know.

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You know what, Inel?

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That Johnny always manages to look good

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no matter what outfit he's wearing?

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No, I think I know the answer to the riddle.

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The Riddlemaster is ready.

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Right - I need to ask one guard to ask the other which he'd say is

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the door to heaven and then go through the opposite door

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because somewhere along the chain there's going to be a lie.

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So how did I crack this riddle?

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Let's start by naming the two guards.

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Guard T always tells the truth and guard L always tells a lie.

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So I ask guard T "What's going on, bruv?

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"What would the other guard say is the door to heaven?"

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Guard L always tells lies about which door leads to heaven

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and this answer is passed on to guard T who will only tell

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the truth about what the other guard said.

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So I know the door to heaven is the opposite to what I am told.

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And it doesn't matter which way round the guards are.

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Yeah! The answer is always the same, no matter what.

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Ha! That's one crazy riddle. Ha-ha!

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You've been cheating, Inel, you must have Googled it or something.

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There is no way you should know the answer to that.

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-That is a level 5 riddle.

-That's brilliant!

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Didn't think I was good at riddles but hey, guess I am! Good.

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Good? Good, Inel? I've hired them Shaolin Monks all day.

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What, you're paying them, are you?

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Not any more, they'll get half day rate at best.

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Easy now, fellas.

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I'm sure we can sort it out.

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Arrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

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SPLASH

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Let's cut to a sketch!

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Up next on today's show, the Gamer Geeks.

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Welcome back, gamers, long time no game.

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I'm Shotcaller007, renowned level 5 Wise Elf on Globe of Hand Craft.

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And I'm Madjimbo28, most famous for my walk-thru

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reviews of Aladdin Speed - Ghost In The Rug.

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Game on!

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Game on!

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Today we will be looking at the latest high-profile

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release in the shape of GTFYA 5.

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Great training for young adults.

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It's an all-encompassing world in which you can create your own

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character and customise them however you like.

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And we want to have good-looking characters

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because on this game there's female characters.

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You want to go on a cyber date!

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Oh, shut up Madjimbo, YOU do!

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-No, you do!

-You do!

-You do!

-You do!

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Oh, look at that one.

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Oh, I can't have that. Green afros don't suit me.

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You should have the pink hair. Ha-ha!

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Oh, this one, this one!

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We've got the hottest avatars in the entire gaming network.

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Right - I'm going to start to train my character. This is awesome.

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Look how fit I'm getting.

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And I'm going to read these ancient scriptures,

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look how intelligent I'm getting.

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Nigel! It's a lovely day outside. Shall we go for a walk?

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Mum! You promised not to distract me when I'm gaming.

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Oh, come on, it will be good for you to do some exercise.

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I am getting exercise training my character, it's very tiring work!

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I can't hear you, Nigel. You will have to come down.

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She just doesn't get it.

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'What do you want, Mum? I just want to play my game.'

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What in the world are you doing?

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How dare you counter-customise my character. Just get out!

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I don't want to see you for at least a day.

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Fine, I'm taking my memory card, then.

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Your mum said if I have to go home now

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then you have to go for a walk with her.

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She just doesn't get it!

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Fine, you can stay, but I'm not talking to you.

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Can I sit here?

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I'm not talking to you so I can't tell you.

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But if I was talking to you, I'd say yes.

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I've got a riddle for you - what's bright and lives in the jungle?

0:15:050:15:08

Over to you, Johnny.

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Right, next up, guys, a new British girl group

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with a sparky style.

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Give it up for Neon Jungle!

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# I'm on the ripped jeans oh yeah

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# And the whole world stops It's turning

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# As the love fills up our lungs

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# I'm on that club ground battle scars

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# I'm on that 3am bizarre

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# And the whole world stops It's turning

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# As the love fills up our lungs

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# These sweet dreams in motion

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# Feelings take over

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# Memories wide open

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# Summer keeps calling

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# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

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# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

0:16:150:16:20

# Ichi ni san kaesu

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# Breathe me in I'll take you higher

0:16:410:16:45

# Eat me up like wildfire

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# And the whole world stops It's turning

0:16:490:16:52

# As the love fills up our lungs

0:16:520:16:56

# These sweet dreams in motion

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# Feelings take over

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# Memories wide open

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# Summer keeps calilng

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# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

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# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

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# So show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

0:17:300:17:35

# So show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

0:17:380:17:42

Talkin' 'bout fresh We talkin' 'bout lettuce

0:17:480:17:51

All those things that the lifestyle get us

0:17:510:17:53

Stacking cheddar Chopping feta If you see my ex

0:17:530:17:55

Don't sweat us How many girls you know Rock lettuce like this

0:17:550:17:58

LV on my back

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Chanel on my wrist Js on my feet

0:17:590:18:01

What's a bouji trick?

0:18:010:18:02

Hipster chick I ain't with that

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Stone cold rosetta

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OG go-getter

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Kick game at me Do you one better

0:18:080:18:09

Had your girl on the roll And I just might let her

0:18:090:18:12

# These sweet dreams in motion

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# Feelings take over

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# Memories wide open

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# Summer keeps calling

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# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got Show me when the beat drops

0:18:300:18:34

# Braveheart

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# Show me what you got Show me when the beat drops. #

0:18:380:18:43

APPLAUSE

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That was amazing! Neon Jungle, guys.

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Now it's time for the Salon.

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Welcome to the great Ernesto salon.

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And me, Julio.

0:19:060:19:09

Prince Zshatoco of the Sogo family once said to me...

0:19:090:19:13

Julio, play some music.

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Julio. I'm ready. Julio...sushi!

0:19:210:19:27

Sushi!

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Ramen noodles!

0:19:340:19:35

It is done!

0:19:390:19:41

I am finished. Voila!

0:19:410:19:43

Oh, I don't like it.

0:19:460:19:49

Julio...

0:19:490:19:51

And now with feedback from the show, it's Liam Piam with Witwall.

0:20:030:20:07

Hi, there. I'm Liam Piam.

0:20:070:20:10

I'm Roger the Blogger.

0:20:100:20:11

And this is Wit Wall.

0:20:110:20:14

Scroll down, scroll down, scroll down, scroll down,

0:20:140:20:18

scroll down...Scott... "I don't like it."

0:20:180:20:21

"How do I make an appointment to see Ernesto?"

0:20:240:20:27

Scroll down, scroll down.

0:20:300:20:32

Gary at Johnny and Inel says, "hashtag: I don't like it."

0:20:320:20:37

I do like it.

0:20:380:20:40

Now it's time for grumpy Beanie and cheeky Fro-fro.

0:20:520:20:56

Yo, Beanie!

0:20:560:20:59

Beanie.

0:20:590:21:01

Me can't hear you!

0:21:010:21:03

Beanie!

0:21:030:21:04

Me say me can't hear you.

0:21:040:21:07

Beanie, it's an emergency.

0:21:070:21:09

Emergency? Where? What happened?

0:21:090:21:12

Did you hear about the fool who kept going round to everyone

0:21:120:21:17

saying no?

0:21:170:21:18

No.

0:21:180:21:20

Ah-ha! So it's you!

0:21:200:21:23

You're the fool!

0:21:230:21:25

Say what!

0:21:250:21:27

Who are you calling fool?

0:21:270:21:28

If there's any fool, it's you and your foolish jokes.

0:21:280:21:31

You fool!

0:21:310:21:33

What! Beanie!

0:21:330:21:36

Calm yourself.

0:21:360:21:38

They're just jokes.

0:21:380:21:41

Back to the studio.

0:21:440:21:46

So, you ready for the new Riddlemaster in town? Me!

0:21:510:21:56

No, I think I'm off riddles now.

0:21:560:21:59

The audience want to hear my riddles as well. Don't you, guys?

0:21:590:22:03

-Yeah!

-See? Told you!

0:22:030:22:05

There's a new train that's been invented and it goes

0:22:050:22:08

from London to Edinburgh at 200mph.

0:22:080:22:12

However, once it gets to Newcastle,

0:22:120:22:14

it slows down to 190 mph,

0:22:140:22:16

then when it crosses the Scottish Border,

0:22:160:22:20

it speeds back up to 200mph.

0:22:200:22:23

During that time:

0:22:230:22:25

-East.

-Nah.

0:22:280:22:30

-North?

-Nah.

0:22:300:22:33

-South?

-Nah.

0:22:330:22:35

-West, then.

-Nah.

0:22:350:22:37

-South-east?

-North-west!

0:22:370:22:41

No.

0:22:410:22:42

South-west?

0:22:440:22:46

Nah.

0:22:460:22:47

North-east?

0:22:470:22:49

Not that one.

0:22:490:22:50

-North-west?

-Nn-mm.

0:22:500:22:52

Well, it's got to be one of them. I've said 'em all!

0:22:520:22:54

The answer is...

0:22:540:22:56

it's an electric train so therefore there is no smoke.

0:23:000:23:04

You did not say it was an electric train.

0:23:040:23:07

If I'd known that, that would have been my first guess,

0:23:070:23:09

I would have said, right... electric train, there's no smoke.

0:23:090:23:12

All right, all right, calm down. It's just a riddle, mate, eh?

0:23:120:23:15

Come on - we gotta close the show.

0:23:150:23:17

-Shocking, innit, guys?

-Yeah!

0:23:180:23:20

How bad is that?

0:23:200:23:22

Right. One of us is going to keep making it look factually correct.

0:23:220:23:27

The only way we could, I guess.

0:23:270:23:30

-Hit the music.

-Shocking.

0:23:300:23:32

THEY MUTTER

0:23:340:23:38

That's all for now - see you guys next week.

0:23:420:23:46

Johnny thinks he's a riddle master until Inel turns out to be just as good. Neon Jungle perform in the studio.


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